Issue112 特没底 求拍！

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112
"Some educational systems emphasize the development of students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions."

Are the education of logic thinking and that concerning students' emotions equally important in today's education system? According to a survey by Chinese Academy of Social Science, over 63 percent of people holds that education should place more emphasis on logic thinking, and education of emotion is of little use. I concede that logic thinking plays an indispensable role in our career. However, the students can benefit more when teaching to explore their emotions is involved in education system.

To start with, teaching students to explore their inner feelings helps them to make choices best for them in that it enables them to know more about themselves. Due to uniformed courses and similar teaching methods all over the country, students may share similar styles of logic thinking. However, our emotion is formed through our life experience which differs from person to person. In a word, it is the inner emotion that makes each individual unique. Only through examing our own emotions can we know what we are interested in indeed, what are my unique traits or qualities and what we need most, thus assisting us to set proper life goals. For instance, a student excellent in both physics and programming may feel at a loss when deciding which major to choose in the university. However, if he could retrospect on his inner feelings and find out his own passion for physics, he will make a wise choice for him in spite of a better carrer development in computer science. Unfortunately, the school put excessive emphasis on teaching logic thinking while ignoring the education on exploring one's own emotions, which frequently leads students into dilemmas when facing various of choices.

Moreover, the education of how to explore emotions will undoubtedly assist students to make achievements in some realms where emotions are the catalyst of accomplishment. When it comes to literature, one needs to use phrases and words abound with his inner sentiment such as joy, happiness, sadness and love in order to conjure up the feelings and evoke visceral reactions in readers. If even the writer himeself fails to know his real emotion, how can he convey it to the others? Take the art of painting as another example. Nowadays artists are attaching more and more importance to "expressionism" than to mere depiction of objects, which demands them to show their emotion by means of brush-strokes and contrasts of colors. In this case, to endow students with the ability to explore their inner emotions plays an crucial role to prepare them better for their career.

Admittedly, logic thinking and reasoning is part and parcel of education which facilitates the absorption of knowledge, communication and scientific innovation. However, ignorance of one's feelings may stem from undue emphasis on logic thinking. Since awareness of one's emotion needs is the pre-requisite for us to release mental pressure in modern society, suppose how do we manage to relieve the stress the fast-paced life impose on us if we even do not know how we feel and where our stress lies in? In this sense, teaching students to explore their emotions helps them to go through the heavy pressure and be more adaptable to lives modern society.

To sum up, although the ability of logic thinking is of primary importance, education about emotions also benefits students since it is conductive to decision-making, accomplishment in certain careers as well as the adaptability to social lives. Consequently, schools ought to combine the two aspects of education to equip students with rich emotions plus outstanding intelligence.

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112
"Some educational systems emphasize the development of students' capacity for reasoning and logical thinking, but students would benefit more from an education that also taught them to explore their own emotions."

Are the education of logic thinking and that concerning students' emotions equally important in today's education system? According to a survey by Chinese Academy of Social Science, over 63 percent of people holds that education should place more emphasis on logic thinking, and education of emotion is of little use（这个词的感情色彩很重，是说emotion几乎没用了。）. I concede that logic thinking plays an indispensable role in our career. However, the students can benefit more when teaching to explore their emotions is involved in education system.

To start with, teaching students to explore their inner feelings helps them to make choices best for them in that it enables them to know more about themselves. Due to uniformed courses and similar teaching methods all over the country, students may share similar styles of logic thinking. However, our emotion is formed through our life experience which differs from person to person. In a word, it is the inner emotion that makes each individual unique. Only through examing our own emotions can we know what we are interested in indeed, what are my（our） unique traits or qualities and what we need most, thus assisting us to set proper life goals. For instance, a student excellent in（用good at会不会比较好？excellent是指特别优秀，而你这里其实只是从大众里面举出一个实例）
both physics and programming may feel at a loss when deciding which major to choose in the university. However, if he could retrospect on his inner feelings and find out his own passion for physics（这里略微偏了题，你的ts是指emotion involved in education，而你这里只是强调了emotion的重要，但edu呢？完全没有，而edu却是题目和ts的关键所在）, he will make a wise choice for him in spite of a better carrer development in computer science（这里in spite of后面的内容与中心完全无关，所以根本无需写到）. Unfortunately, the school put excessive emphasis on(具体的实例也没有给出，就直接说school put excessive emphasis on logic thinking了。是不是有点突兀？) teaching logic thinking while ignoring the education on exploring one's own emotions, which frequently leads students into dilemmas（根据前文的reasoning，无法看出student into dilemmas的，只能说无法意思到内心世界，从而忽视真正想要的东西，而走入误区） when facing various of choices.
这一段，前面一半写得很好，TS，然后展开论证，然后举证例子，但是例子后面的说明和论证就开始有些偏离ts了，立场显得模糊，观点有些不明确了。

Moreover, the education of how to explore emotions will undoubtedly assist students to make achievements in some realms where emotions are the catalyst of accomplishment. When it comes to literature, one needs to use phrases and words abound with his inner sentiment such as joy, happiness, sadness and love in order to conjure up the feelings and evoke visceral reactions in readers. If even the writer himeself fails to know his real emotion, how can he convey it to the others? Take the art of painting as another example. Nowadays artists are attaching more and more importance to "expressionism" than to mere depiction of objects, which demands them to show their emotion by means of brush-strokes and contrasts of colors.(这里不需要写通过笔刷和色彩对比来表达他们的emotion，这只是外部工具，最好讲一下表达emotion的重要性。否则，这只是一个事实的罗列，对ts没有任何帮助) In this case, to endow students with the ability to explore their inner emotions plays an（a） crucial role to prepare them better for their career.
这一段，你只是说了emotion edu的重要，但是题目可是说more，所以偏题了。

Admittedly, logic thinking and reasoning is part and parcel of education which facilitates the absorption of knowledge, communication and scientific innovation. However, ignorance of one's feelings may stem from undue emphasis on logic thinking. Since awareness of one's emotion needs is the pre-requisite for us to release mental pressure in modern society, suppose how do we manage to relieve the stress the fast-paced life impose on us if we even do not know how we feel and where our stress lies in?（先用since，然后再来一个问句，不觉得很奇怪吗？不要因为过于追求复杂句而这样写，这么写很chinglish的。分开来会比较好。） In this sense, teaching students to explore their emotions helps them to go through the heavy pressure and be more adaptable to lives modern society.
这一段，ts是放在最后一句的。你只是反复说emotion可以relief ourselves from fast-paced lives。但是，为什么可以relief呢？为什么只有awareness of emotion才行呢？别的办法不行吗？这点你没有说清楚，只是强加观点在读者身上。其次，依然是那个问题，awareness of emotion和edu emotion的联系你没有说。所以，这一段还是有点表面，而没有深入。

To sum up, although the ability of logic thinking is of primary importance, education about emotions also benefits students since it is conductive to decision-making, accomplishment in certain careers as well as the adaptability to social lives. Consequently, schools ought to combine the two aspects of education to equip students with rich emotions plus outstanding intelligence.

总结：整体感觉，语言功底很好，对于词汇的变换和复杂句式的运用基本没有问题了。语法也只是一点点的粗心。
对于逻辑，第二段前半段给我的感觉很好，但是到了后面，以及下面几段就开始浅层和大众了。这道题的关键是more，以及edu system。而你只是谈了emotion和awareness of emotion的重要性。但是没有提到为什么emotion比reasoning和logic thinking对学生更有利，没有提到emotion以及consciousness of emotion与学校对emotion教育的潜在关联性（教育了，学生不一定就会有你提到的关于emotion的重要点，不教育，也不代表其他社会联系对学生就没有emotion的wake up了）。重点没有把握好。所以还希望多多审题。

继续加油~