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[作文] 独立写作第一次独立写作请各位大大修正~ [复制链接]

xu2011
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-12-17 00:32:37 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

The debt is still hot in terms of whether college students should be required to attend the classes. Me, as a university student, agree with the view that it should be optional for students and I will introduce my statement through the following two reasons The major benefit from the optional choice is responsibility. It is a common sense that responsibility plays a vital role in our life, which means we need to gradually bear the burden of duty. While college is wonderful places to leave us experiences these new and cultivate our own style. Thus I believe that have the option to attend classes is a kind of excise and we could learn the possible method to deal with problems from such excise. Just imagine, if what we should do is still managed by the strict rules in the college, where else could we have a try? Possibly, when the next time we need to take the responsibility in the society, we still wonder somebody could mention us what is forbidden. Unfortunately, this alarming voice would never come into our mind and we have to face the gloomy life and carry on alone.
The true meaning of college study is the second lead to my choice. If the college study just serves the same function as the education we get before? Actually with no doubts, university studying is not just simply copys the information and exerts it. To a certain extent, I hold a different view that for college is a holy place to cultivate our learning ability and then, knowledge itself is less important. Perhaps what we have leant will be cleared up without using it frequently but the method to handle such problems will always act well through in our lifetime. And what's more, we could make a conclusion that whether to attend the classes is a kind of option between different studying methods. Once we get a more useful personal study style by which we could manage ourselves well out of the classes, why have we get the unfamiliar one? Moreover, it is obvious that episteme has different forms besides those printed in books. If we can practice and experience the knowledge will our own, I could bet that we may resolve more than listening to teachers without understanding how it works during the class.
Of course, I do not mean to overlook the importance of teaching. It is far more important to keep balance between the two sides. After all, different people make their own way and what we need is to find the one that suit us well.
As what I have mentioned above, whether to attend classes is just a choice we have to make. Only when we have gone through it and make a suitable choice could we learn from it and make the difference. The debt itself is meaning less and what we have received from the four-years' college life is the key.

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xu2011
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沙发

发表于 2012-12-17 00:33:29 |只看该作者

作文题目Should College Students be Required to Attend Classes?

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xu2011
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板凳

发表于 2012-12-17 00:35:59 |只看该作者

还想问下各位前辈网上的作文批改网站有没有作用,给批改网的分数纠结死了==

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小菜牛
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地板

发表于 2012-12-17 16:38:11 |只看该作者

帮顶顶，个人觉得那种批改网水平参差不齐，别相信为好

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sodapeng
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5楼

发表于 2012-12-17 23:50:31 |只看该作者

lz可以参加版上的互改小组~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1450941-1-1.html
话说批改网不都是要钱么？而且我用过学校的批改网，它只是给你挑出比较简单的语法错误，有的时候还是错的，而且没有办法指出你的逻辑内容以及是否切题。。所以我觉得那个结果只能参考。，。
lz加油哈

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successful-wang
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6楼

发表于 2012-12-18 00:24:09 |只看该作者

The debt is still hot(hot表达不好吧) in terms of whether college students should be required to attend the classes. Me（I，这里是主语）, as a university student, agree with the view that it should be optional for students and I will introduce my statement through the following two reasons The（the小写） major benefit from the optional choice is responsibility（responsible）. It is a（没有a，删去） common sense that responsibility plays a vital role in our life, which means we need to gradually bear the burden of duty. While college is wonderful places to leave us experiences（删去s，这里当体验讲吧？ Us是复数） these new and cultivate our own style. Thus I believe that have the option to attend classes is a kind of excise（excise？？没看懂。想用exercise？） and we could learn the possible method to deal with problems from such excise. Just imagine, if what we should do is 直接should be就好了still managed by the strict rules in（of） the college, where else could we have a try? Possibly, when the next time we need to take the（没有the） responsibility in（of） the society, we still wonder somebody could mention us what is forbidden. Unfortunately, this alarming voice would never come into our mind and we have to face the gloomy life and carry on alone.
The true meaning of college study is the second lead to my choice. If the college study just serves the same function as the education we get（got） before? Actually with no doubts, university studying is not just simply copys（copies） the information and exerts it. To a certain extent, I hold a different view that for college is a holy place to cultivate our learning ability， and then,（没，） knowledge itself is less important. Perhaps what we have leant（leant？没明白） will be cleared up without using it frequently but the method to handle such problems will always act well through in our lifetime（这句话那个leant那边不知道你要表达什么意思，后面紧接着又是will be，你自己在仔细看看）. And（删去and） what's more, we could make a conclusion that whether to attend the classes is a kind of option between different studying methods. Once we get a（删去a） more useful personal study style by which we could manage ourselves well out of the classes, why have we get（got） the unfamiliar one? Moreover, it is obvious that episteme has different forms besides those printed in books. If we can practice and experience the knowledge will our own, I could bet that we may resolve more than listening to teachers without understanding how it works during the class.
Of course, I do not mean to overlook the importance of teaching. It is far more important to keep balance between the two sides. After all, different people make their own way and what we need is to find the one that suit us well.
As what I have mentioned above, whether to attend classes is just a choice we have to make. Only when we have gone through it and make a suitable choice could we learn from it and make the difference. The debt itself is meaning less and what we have received from the four-years'（直接four-year就可以了，不用所有格） college life is the key.
楼主这只是我的个人看法，如有不妥的话再议啊。。。。。
楼主写的作文太追求字数了，字数太多了有时候也不是好事，多看看语法和结构吧

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xu2011
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7楼

发表于 2012-12-18 18:20:10 |只看该作者

successful-wang 发表于 2012-12-18 00:24
The debt is still hot(hot表达不好吧) in terms of whether college students should be required to atte ...

嗯谢谢了~
和老师谈过发现我很大的问题在于语言的准确性、语法结构上面==要背新概念3,4册了==3.3.考托福大家一起加油吧

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xu2011
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8楼

发表于 2012-12-18 18:23:57 |只看该作者

sodapeng 发表于 2012-12-17 23:50
lz可以参加版上的互改小组~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1450941-1-1.html
话说批改网不都是要钱么？ ...

嗯嗯~大家一起努力啊

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9楼

发表于 2012-12-18 23:46:19 |只看该作者

xu2011 发表于 2012-12-18 18:20
嗯谢谢了~
和老师谈过发现我很大的问题在于语言的准确性、语法结构上面==要背新概念3,4册了==3.3.考托 ...

3.3时间还多呢，多背单词看看语法。。。结构还挺好的，剩下的就是要往里面加东西了

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10楼

发表于 2012-12-21 09:31:16 |只看该作者

Should College Students be Required to Attend Classes?

The debt (You meant 'debate', didn't you..) is still hot in terms of whether college students should be required to attend the classes. I ('me' as the subject is a colloquial usage.), as a university student, agree with the view that it should be optional for students, and I will introduce my statement through the following two reasons. (I have a feeling that there probably should be some kind of paragraphing here..) The major benefit from the optional choice is responsibility. It is a common sense that responsibility plays a vital role in our lives, which means we need to gradually bear the burden of duty (I don't see why this must be 'gradually'. If it is 'vital', then you probably should learn to bear it as quickly as possible, yes?). While colleges are wonderful places to leave us with experiences[color=], these new and cultivate our own styles (1. This clause doesn't have a subject; 2. What does it mean to 'cultivate our own styles'? 'styles' in what? Dressing?). Thus I believe that having the option to attend classes is a kind of excise and we could learn the possible method to deal with problems from such an excise.(I don't see how this relates to the previous sentence, which is 'colleges leave us with experiences that cultivate our own styles'. If you are allowed to 'cultivate' your own style, then you don't necessarily need to take the option to attend classes as an exercise, or to learn anything from it, since it's your own judgment as to what you want to do with this option..) Just imagine, if what we should do is still managed by the strict rules in the college, where else could we have a try ('a try' at what?..By the way, you can definitely try dropping out of college and starting your own company as you wish, like Bill Gates or Steve Jobs did..)? Possibly, when the next time we need to take the responsibility in the society, we still wonder if somebody could mention to us what is forbidden. (Ohh..I finally start to see what you actually meant to reason..) Unfortunately, this alarming voice would never come into our mind and we have to face the gloomy life and carry on alone. (Very depressing, but it is not necessarily true. The problem with your writing is that your language is very indirect and imprecise. For example, in 'we still wonder if somebody could mention to us what is forbidden', you're actually making a parallel between 'colleges making class attendance compulsory' and 'somebody will tell us what is forbidden'. But you need to point out this relationship. Otherwise your readers must try to guess you are alluding to something like 'not attending class' when you say 'what is forbidden'. Almost every sentence in this paragraph looks like an attempt to reason but the logical flow between sentences is not apparent at all, which is why what you wrote seems to make sense but I keep asking for clarification. Allusion is good in literature, not in arguments. Be clear. Be concise. Think about what exactly your reasoning is and express it as that.)

The true meaning of college studies is the second lead to my choice. If the college studies just serves the same function as the education we get before (Looks like the first word should be 'is', not 'if'..)? Actually with no doubts, university studying is not just simply copying the information and exerts it (I'm not sure what you intended to express here, since you can't really 'exert' information..). To a certain extent, I hold a different view that for a college is a holy place to cultivate our learning abilities and then, knowledge itself is less important. Perhaps what we have leant will be cleared up without using it frequently but the method to handle such problems (Which 'problems' are 'such problems'? You never mentioned any particular problem so 'such' has no referent.) will always act well through in our lifetimes. And what's more, we could make a conclusion that whether to attend the classes is a kind of option between different studying methods. Once we get a more useful personal study style by which we could manage ourselves well out of the classes, why have we get the unfamiliar one? (This is not a proper question. And again, I have no idea what you mean by 'the unfamiliar one' – I could try to guess you probably meant to allude to 'attending classes', but why must this be 'unfamiliar'? You even said your 'useful personal study style' is to 'manage ourselves well out of the classes', so do you mean you still attend classes as a complement to your personal study style? Then it wouldn't be 'unfamiliar' all the more. So what exactly is 'the unfamiliar one'? All these very literal, descriptive noun phrases in your sentences just don't make much sense. You may think your readers will be able to guess what you mean but no, they just can't.) Moreover, it is obvious that episteme has different forms besides those printed in books. If we can practice and experience the knowledge will our own (?), I could bet that we may resolve more than listening to teachers without understanding how it works during the class.(This entire paragraph beats around one idea: self-study is better than attending classes – but it never proves why this idea is valid. You're, in essence, not making arguments, but mere descriptions of what you think is true.)

Of course, I do not mean to overlook the importance of teaching. It is far more important to keep a/the balance between the two sides ('the two sides' of what? Teaching?). After all, different people make their own ways ('ways' in what?) and what we need is to find the one that suit us well.

As what I have mentioned above, whether to attend classes is just a choice we have to make. Only when we have gone through it and make a suitable choice could we learn from it and make the difference.(If you 'make the difference', it means there was no difference to start with..although I don't quite even know what 'difference' you meant here.) The debt (I don't know why you think 'debt' == 'debate' but no, they are not the same word.) itself is meaningless and what we have received from the four-years' college life is the key. (Then you're not addressing the question at all. The questions asks whether you think college students should be required to attend class, and you 1. didn't make any direct conclusion with regards to the actual question; and 2. say that the entire debate is 'meaningless'..= =)

总结：

好吧你语言优美高屋建瓴感情充沛但是你说了半天什么原因都米有讲明白。。你说你觉得上课应该是option，那么你接下来要说为什么上课应该是option啦，于是你说，一个原因是responsibility，另外一个是高等教育的真谛啊~但是你两个分论段就是在各种描写responsibility的重要和高等教育的真谛是什么，半天我也没读明白这个是怎么能够联系到你得出最终的看法上去的啊。。建议你以把话说清楚为目标。。

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