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[a习作temp] ARGUMENT242【DIES IN FLAMES 0910G长线突破组】TASK I xylibby [复制链接]

xylibby
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-3-11 21:54:19 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

码得头昏眼花，请指正。

In this argument,the author recommendates that colleges and universities should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which has proven to be successful, in order to combat the reported increasing cheating incidents among students. After close scrutinies of this article, I find the argument basically relies on a false analogy and is therefore unconvincing as it stands.

First of all, the validity of the success of Groveton’s honor codes is open to doubt. On one hand, the arguer hardly established any causal relationship between the honor code policy and the the decreased cheating number in several years time. The arguer mentions that the reported number of cheating decreased after the honor code came on into being ( 21 in the first year compared to 14 five years later), and cites that the number is less than that of the old teacher-monitoring system. However, it is entirely possible that there are other reasons contributing to the decrease of the reported number: the exams might be easier than before so that the overall cheating number decreased; the reliability of the cheating number is doubtful, as other students may aid and abet for those who cheat; the punishment of cheating might be so severe that only a few students would take the risk to do that. All these could be posible reasons for the situation. On the other hand, a survey is provided that a majority of students said they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place, yet itself, is unconvincing. Without information of the students participated in the survey, without more details of the investigation process, the author connot simply convince me that the honor code system is successful.

In the second place, the author fails to take into consideration the drawbacks of the honor code system. Students have the right to notify to facuty members if they suspect that others have cheated. Although most reports would be honest, I doubt that a few reports might be libelous, if so, the relationship between students will be hurt, and incalculable harm will be done to the sufferer’s reputation. Any of these possibilities, if true, would serve to undermine the reliability of the argument.

Finally, even assuming that Groveton’s policy is successful and its shortcomings are negligible, it lends little support to the arguer’s idea that the honor code should be adopted by colloges and universities. Other Universities, with various concrete conditions differing from that of Groveton, should carry out different measures according to their own situations. Students of some universities might be diligent and hardworking, who would prefer to do well in their academic endeavors by themselves; while students of other schools might gang up with each other for cheating and the school might lose control if the policy is adopted. In these cases, the honor code system is either unnecessary or useless.

To conclude, the author’s recommendation relies on several dubious evidence and therefore renders the argument logically untenable. To bolster it, the author need to prove that the honor code system is successful in Groveton and provide clear evidence the situation between other universities and Groveton are almost the same.

斑竹我实在码不到600+了呜

a242, dies in flames, 习作

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ddcmj519
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沙发

发表于 2009-3-12 12:25:02 |只看该作者

In this argument, the author recommends that colleges and universities should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which has proven to be successful这样说不妥，不然后面怎么展开都有矛盾。建议which, according to the author, has proven to be successful, in order to combat the reported increasing cheating incidents among students. After close scrutinizing of this article, I find the argument basically relies on a false analogy and is therefore unconvincing as it stands.

First of all, the validity of the success of Groveton’s honor codes is open这表达有点奇怪。可以这么用么？ to doubt. On one hand, the arguer hardly establishes any causal relationship between the honor code policy and the the decreased cheating number in several years time. The arguer mentions that the reported number of cheating decreased after the honor code came on into being不合适put into practice? ( 21 in the first year compared to 14 five years later), and cites that the number is less than that of the old teacher-monitoring system. However, it is entirely possible that there are other reasons contributing to the decrease of the reported number: the exams might be easier than before so that the overall cheating number decreased;(这个有点不合适？) the reliability of the cheating number is doubtful, as other students may aid and abet（好像不太对。。） for those who cheat; the punishment of cheating might be so severe that only a few students would take the risk to do that个人觉得以上这几个理由都不是太好，尤其最后一个涉及punishment，这个额，个人觉得不着边。。. All these could be possible reasons for the situation. On the other hand, a survey is provided that a majority of students said they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place, yet itself, is unconvincing. Without information of the students participated in the survey, and more details of the investigation process, the author cannot simply convince me that the honor code system is successful. 嗯，以上两点，基本上我跟你大意差不多，但是我的细节就比较旺盛了。。partly为了堆字。而且，据前段时间看范文的comments，关于survey的这点，你的论证可能算是低分段。因为你只是说了它有问题，但是具体的问题有没有说的很透彻。

In the second place, the author fails to take into consideration the drawbacks of the honor code system. Students have the right to notify to faculty members if they suspect that others have cheated. Although most reports would be honest, I doubt that a few reports might be libelous, if so, the relationship between students will be hurt, and incalculable harm will be done to the sufferer’s reputation. Any of these possibilities, if true, would serve to undermine the reliability of the argument. 其实我觉得我那样分段比较好。。我脸皮比较厚吧。。因为我觉得这个内容和你上段的第一个论点是有共性的地方的。

Finally, even assuming that Groveton’s policy is successful and its shortcomings are negligible, it lends little support to the arguer’s idea that the honor code should be adopted by colleges and universities. Other Universities, with various concrete conditions differing from that of Groveton, should carry out different measures according to their own situations. Students of some universities might be diligent and hardworking, who would prefer to do well in their academic endeavors by themselves; while students of other schools might hang up with each other for cheating and the school might lose control if the policy is adopted. In these cases, the honor code system is either unnecessary or useless. 前半段感觉还不错，但是到后面就觉得，前面已经提及了increasing 的条件下，你的假设似乎不是很合理。。

To conclude, the author’s recommendation relies on several dubious evidences and therefore renders the argument logically untenable. To bolster it, the author needs to prove that the honor code system is successful in Groveton这个建议并没有很好的总结你之前写的所用额甚至，这个honor codes是否成功也还是我们怀疑的地方呢。。 and provide clear evidence the situation between other universities and Groveton are almost the same.

红的是拼写错误。这个是可以确定滴~
绿的是个人意见。。因为不确定。。所以绿了。。。

No more words. No more comments.

我想离开。这个浮华的世界。

行走在崩溃的边缘············

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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板凳

发表于 2009-3-13 23:55:00 |只看该作者

1# xylibby

In this argument,the author recommendatesthat colleges and universities should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's,which has proven to be successful, in order to combat the reported increasingcheating incidents among students. After close scrutinies of this article, Ifind the argument basically relies on a false analogy and is thereforeunconvincing as it stands.

First of all, the validity of the success of Groveton’s honor codes is open todoubt. On one hand, the arguer hardly established any causal relationshipbetween the honor code policy and the the decreased cheating number in severalyears time. The arguer mentions that the reported number of cheating decreasedafter the honor code came on into being （貌似不太合适）( 21 in the first year compared to 14 five years later), and citesthat the number is less than that of the old teacher-monitoring system.However, it is entirely possible that there are other reasons contributing tothe decrease of the reported number: the exams might be easier than before sothat the overall cheating number decreased; the reliability of the cheatingnumber is doubtful, as other students may aid and abet for those who cheat; thepunishment of cheating might be so severe that only a few students would takethe risk to do that. All these could be posible reasons for the situation. Onthe other hand, a survey is provided that a majority of students said theywould be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place, yet itself, isunconvincing. Without information of the students participated in the survey,without more details of the investigation process, the author connot simplyconvince me that the honor code system is successful.

In the second place, the author fails to take into consideration the drawbacksof the honor code system. Students have the right to notify to facuty membersif they suspect that others have cheated. Although most reports would behonest, I doubt that a few reports might be libelous, if so, the relationshipbetween students will be hurt, and incalculableharm will be done to the sufferer’s reputation. Any of these possibilities, iftrue, would serve to undermine the reliability of the argument. （感觉这个例子不太好，貌似绿色的部分和题目没什么关系）

Finally, even assuming that Groveton’s policy is successful and itsshortcomings are negligible, it lends little support to the arguer’s idea thatthe honor code should be adopted by colloges and universities. OtherUniversities, with various concrete conditions differing from that of Groveton,should carry out different measures according to their own situations. Studentsof some universities might be diligent and hardworking, who would prefer to dowell in their academic endeavors by themselves; while students of other schoolsmight
each other for cheating and theschool might lose control if the policy is adopted. In these cases, the honorcode system is either unnecessary or useless.

To conclude, the author’s recommendation relies on several dubious evidence andtherefore renders the argument logically untenable. To bolster it, the author needto prove that the honor code system is successful in Groveton and provide clearevidence the situation between（这个介词？）
other universities and Groveton arealmost the same.

单词错误就不标了，由于我是刚开始写，水平有限，可能挑不出什么错误，挑的错误可能也不是十分正确，多包涵～～

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jessicalulu
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地板

发表于 2009-3-14 19:50:27 |只看该作者

In this argument, the author recommendates（recommends） that colleges and universities should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which has proven to be successful, in order to combat(combat用在此处是否恰当？) the reported increasing cheating incidents among students. After close scrutinies of this article, I find the argument basically relies on a false analogy and is therefore unconvincing as it stands.

First of all, the validity of the success of Groveton’s honor codes is open to doubt. On one hand, the arguer hardly established any causal relationship between the honor code policy and the the (删)decreased cheating number in several years time（time删）. The arguer mentions that the reported number of cheating decreased after the honor code came on into being ( 21 in the first year compared to 14 five years later), and cites that the number is less than that of the old teacher-monitoring system. However, it is entirely possible that there are other reasons contributing to the decrease of the reported number: the exams might be easier than before so that the overall cheating number decreased; the reliability of the cheating number is doubtful, as other students may aid and abet for those who cheat; the punishment of cheating might be so severe that only a few students would take the risk to do（take the risk of doing sth.） that. All (of ) these could be possible reasons for the situation. （个人觉得这个总结的小句子稍微薄弱了点点，不过这种总结意识很好的，学习ing。）on the other hand, a survey is provided that a majority of students said they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place, yet itself(it), is unconvincing. Without information of the students participated in the survey, without more details of the investigation process, the author connot(cann’t) simply convince me that the honor code system is successful. （这一点没有展开写，没有说明为什么不提供被调查者得信息以及调查细节，这个调查就不成功呢？还可以好好扩展一下哦。思路倒是对的呢，延展延展。。。嗯嗯。。。）

In the second place, the author fails to take into consideration the drawbacks of the honor code system. Students have the right to notify to facuty(faculty)（notify sb. Of sth./ notify sth. To sb.这个搭配需要注意一下，我也是查了才知道。呵呵。） members if they suspect that others have cheated. Although most reports would be honest, I doubt that a few reports might be libelous, if so, the relationship between students will be hurt, and incalculable harm will be done to the sufferer’s reputation. Any of these possibilities, if true, would serve to undermine the reliability of the argument. （个人觉得这个攻击点不妥呢。而且我觉得这个不是本文逻辑上的漏洞点。反过来想，即便这个政策有很多缺陷，可能引起各种各样的麻烦，但是老政策也可能有很多漏洞啊，这个并不能说明他们哪个更有用。你考虑考虑吧，个人观点。）

Finally, even assuming that Groveton’s policy is successful and its shortcomings are negligible, it lends little support to the arguer’s idea that the honor code should be adopted by colloges and universities. （这句写得蛮好的。）Other Universities, with various concrete conditions differing from that of Groveton, should carry out different measures according to their own situations. Students of some universities might be diligent and hardworking, who would prefer to do well in their academic endeavors by themselves; while students of other schools might gang up with each other for cheating and the school might lose control if the policy is adopted. In these cases, the honor code system is either unnecessary or useless.
To conclude, the author’s recommendation relies on several dubious evidence and therefore renders the argument logically untenable. To bolster it, the author need（needs） to prove that the honor code system is successful in Groveton and provide(provides) clear evidence the situation between other universities and Groveton are almost the same.

替楼主整理一下，思路如下：

1. 数据如此，可能是多方面因素的作用。不一定是honor codes的作用，并举例说明。
2. 调查结果不可信
3. Honor codes本身的缺陷
4. Honor codes 可能不适用于其它学校的具体情况。

Xylibby这篇文，行文还是蛮流畅的，但是我觉得可以参考下其他队友的文，再好好领会一下“关节”的含义。Argument确实可攻击点蛮多，但是我们应当争取去伪存真，去糟取精，争取攻击到的点点各个都是要害。另外，怎样让我们的文章写得更有逻辑性，是我们大家都应该好好领会的呢。呵呵~我也是第一次改，而且水平有限，多包涵啦。另外，我动作实在有点慢，不好意思了哈，不过态度绝对端正，改得绝对认真哦。

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