Horse 7月AW 练习

ILOVECHEMISTRYUID：2969217

宗旨：踏踏实实练习，真真正正提分！

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学习小结：

V5.0 (8.17)
终于可以休息两周，这两周AW主要是精修以前写过的文章，然后看王老师的范文，写提纲，争取把题库都过一遍。

V4.0 (8.09)

离考试还有20天，过去一周多实验室太忙，老板盯得特别紧，想休息两周（8.17-8.29），所以这一周每天都在赶实验，作文任务拉下了很多。未来AW 可能更多回去写提纲，修改，反复修改，同时把王老师的范文好好研习
几遍。加油！

V3.0 (7.24)

No pains, no gains! 过去10天已经写了8篇，有两篇经过重写，相当于是写了10篇。还学习了其他考友的优秀范文，一路跟着王老师的思路和节奏，自己感觉经过10天的练习，最起码思路是建立起来了。限时练习会继续下去，不限时精修会加强。有一些习作自己回过头来看第一版觉得很可笑，再看看第二版觉得也还行，真有想改第三版的冲动！呵呵！I am flying!

V2.0 (7.16)

继续计时练习。感觉上手更快了！跟王老师在微信上聊，觉得计时练习很重要。不计时就是和ETS耍流氓，到时候ETS 才不理你呢！继续多练！

V1.0 (7.14)

看了Issue 15的同主题文章 （3篇 + 1篇王老师的范文），思路算是有了。自己当时写的时候，思路还是打不开，有卡顿的情况。就是感觉自己有很多例子，也想往里面堆，就是找不到切入点，或者时间限定情况下，不能把以前的积累用在写作上。但是发现王老师给的case 都很随意，恰到好处，好像也没有怎么费力就加入到里面去了。这个需要继续学习。

写完后，帮Sherry同学改了一下同主题的习作，帮他改了几处错误，自己也算是学习，进步，以后可以避免犯类似的错误。

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授权声明：

本人为寄托ID：ILOVECHEMISTRY 的持有人，现通过寄托论坛参与tesolchina的GRE写作研究，在这里授权tesolchina和hj1313的ID持有人使用本帖中本人的习作及互改记录做教学与科研用途。


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英语背景：

T 25, G 3

GRE考试时间：8月29日

期望分数：4+

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ILOVECHEMISTRYUID：2969217

2015年暑期寄托GRE写作辅导小组（https://www.evernote.com/shard/s ... aa/521c872a4ffe5fb5）

辅导老师：Simon Wang of City University of Hong Kong (http://www.english.cityu.edu.hk/ ... jsp?name=simon_wang)

王老师教学博客：https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1777232-1-1.html

============================================
3楼   7.13   Issue 15 (14号补写，王老师已批阅，自己已修改)

     4楼    Sherry 同主题作文批改（https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1856935-1-1.html）
     8楼    tmdxlp 同主题作文学习反面立论 （https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=3#pid1779665806）

5楼   7.14   Argument 32 （王老师已批阅，自己已修改）

6楼   7.15   Issue 13 （王老师已批阅，自己已修改，这篇文章可能是转折点，自己真正从思想上开始学习王老师的范文了，不仅仅是套路）

7楼   7.16   Argument 87 (王老师已批阅，太弱了不想修改了，直接重写)

    Kssandra 同主题作文学习: https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=6#pid1779674569

9楼   7.17   反馈汇总 （做成 Excel 表格，已经提交给王老师）

10楼   7.20   Issue 91 （补写了全文 7.23，王老师很负责任提醒，不然就真忘了！ 王老师已批阅，待修改，有硬伤！）

11楼   7.21   Argument 54 （王老师已批阅，待修改）

12楼   7.22   Issue 78 （王老师已批阅，待修改）

13楼   7.23   Argument 62
   https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=1#pid1779696132

16楼   7.23   Argument 62 进一步研习
   https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... xtra=#pid1779703668

17楼   7.24   Argument 32/104/105/106/107 学习

     Kssandra 同主题作文学习:https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1834110-1-1.html

18楼   7.24    辨析假设的专项练习
   https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=2#pid1779703725

19楼   7.27   Issue 100 （补交作业）
   https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1865072-1-1.html

20楼   7.28   Argument 100 （补交作业）
   https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1865077-1-1.html

21楼   7.29   Issue 105
    https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1865079-1-1.html

22楼   7.30   Argument 32
   https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1866295-1-1.html



============================

argument题库_王老师完全解析版

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1870369-1-1.html


issue题库_王老师完全解析版

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1872759-1-1.html

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打字速度测试

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1858301-1-1.html

ILOVECHEMISTRYUID：2969217

7.13 （https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1858712-1-1.html， 14号补写的）

issue 15

Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
====================================

I strongly disagree that educational institutions should encourage their students to study in a lucrative field for the following obvious reasons. First, it's almost impossible to make sure which field will contribute a lucrative career to the students after four-year study, 断句other possible factors such as a promising job market, good social skills and qualified working styles also count a lot. Moreover, driven by the incentive to pursue a so called lucrative job presumably after graduation alone, the students may find it hard to engage fully into the study, if they don't have a strong passion towards the major that seems lucrative on the surface. Also, educational institutions may prefer to cultivate as many successful alumni as possible, 断句hopefully, such successful graduates will donate money later after they can enjoy the lucrative jobs. Yet this may be just a beautiful wish again, students lack of interest may not find such a well-paid job. Even if they can get a decent salary doing what they don't like,断句 they may not donate any money again considering that the mother school once made the choice for him or her against his or her wills. 注意题目是说encourage不是require

a lucrative field搭配

obvious reasons- two reasons
contribute a lucrative career to the students 搭配
你的开头段写得太长了 主旨句只需要概括后面的主要观点就行了   



To begin with, no field can exactly output lucrative jobs just because the title of that field. To get a decent job with decent salary, factors such as a booming market, excellent interpersonal skills, teamwork spirit and qualified working capabilities contribute equally. A job in the field of economy may get paid higher than that of chemistry, yet not all the cases share the same trend and same result. To get a good opportunity, the candidates themselves need to be qualified to the standards of the career, other factors mentioned above also counts a million. That is, the idea of so-called lucrative field was no more than a wishful thinking.

no field can exactly output lucrative jobs搭配
factors和前面的不定式不搭
factors contribute equally  搭配
yet not all the cases share the same trend and same result.表达有问题
qualified to the standards of the career搭配 选词  
counts a million搭配 表达





What's more, students may find it hard to get involved into the advocated "lucrative" field of study. Without enough interest to engage themselves into the study materials, they may suffer from lack of passion and motivation. Under such scenario, they may not prepare themselves very well to the job market, especially if they failed the exams. For these unlucky students, to get a job is the hard part of their life, let alone to choose a lucrative job. Even some students do find a lucrative job after graduation, they may not enjoy the job; lack of working passion and routine run will make their career choices less meaningful. Their long-term career benefits will compromise with the living pressure.

get involved into 选词 搭配
Without enough interest 你不能直接跳到这里说没兴趣 需要先说对于这个领域可能没有兴趣
prepare themselves very well to the job market- for
benefits will compromise -搭配

It's understandable for educational institutions to cultivate more alumni, successful ones especially. Such graduates may donate a lot of money after enjoying the fruit of lucrative careers. Yet the cases are not always like that. To the majority, chances are that students may not donate a lot of money if they don't directly benefit from the career choice based on their mother school's recommendation. In some cases, the graduates may regard the once recommendation a waste of their valuable time and reject to donate even a penny to the school. It's hard to evaluate the benefits of such a practice just based on lucrative orientations on the surface.

你这段没有回应挑战的动作
if they don't directly benefit from the career choice based on their mother school's recommendation.不懂你的意思




To sum up, the starting points of such educational institutions to recommend students to major in lucrative field of study are warm-hearted, yet it's hard to tell which major is lucrative in the future practically. Moreover, students pushed into the superficial lucrative field may realize day after day that they totally don't like the field, such choices actually go against the will of education, let alone to mention the lucrative benefits of such choices.

语言表达问题很大


自评：

1）计时写的，用来54min.
2）感觉还是王老师的思路比较流畅，起承转合之间很自然，自己写的过程中总是有一些停顿，就是写着写着就停下来了。得想一想，接着写。
3）考虑到，事先看来王老师的范文，构思都是有参考的。所以其实在真实考试环境下30min 写出满意的结果来，还需要大量的练习！

谢谢王老师这样天使般的助考活动！


=======================================

根据王老师的批改做修改 :

I strongly disagree that educational institutions should encourage their students to study in a lucrative field for the following two reasons. First, it's almost impossible to tell which field will guarantee a lucrative career to the students after four-year study; moreover, driven by the incentive to pursue a so called lucrative job alone, the students may find it hard to engage fully into the study owing to lack of interest, let alone to enjoy the future job. Also, educational institutions may prefer to cultivate as many successful alumni as possible to collect possible donation years later, yet this policy may let the graduates down.

重新研读了王老师的范文，发现自己的开头太罗嗦，太长！学习老师的风格：短小精干，要点明确。另外搭配不当的地方已经改过来，以后提醒自己不要随便造词，老老实实按照标准的方式来写。

“I strongly disagree that students should be encouraged to choose their study areas for future lucrative careers for two reasons. First, no studies in any given fields can guarantee the so-called lucrative careers in the future; moreover, students who choose the fields with the hope of lucrative careers may not enjoy their studies and their future works. While the educational institutions may be interested in cultivating future successful alumni, this policy may lead to dissatisfaction among the graduates.”
王老师的开头，对比一下，发现自己还是有些长，以后多学习这种风格。

To begin with, no major can exactly ensure that lucrative jobs will be necessarily available to the graduates. To get a decent job with decent salary, it requires collective factors such as a booming market, excellent interpersonal skills, teamwork spirit, qualified working capabilities, and a good luck. A job in the field of economy may get paid higher than that of chemistry by chances, yet it not always the case. To get a good opportunity, the candidates themselves need to be equipped with qualified skills to cope with the problems in their daily work; besides, other factors mentioned above also counts a lot. Lucrative job never comes readily, the idea of so-called lucrative field was no more than a wishful thinking.

What's more, students may find it hard to commit themselves to the advocated "lucrative" field of study. They may not follow the study schedule, not understand the studying materials, and not show enough motivation to learn the course on their own. Under such scenario, they may not prepare themselves very well to the job market, especially if they failed the exams. For these unlucky students, to get a job is kind of a harsh business, let alone to choose a lucrative job. Even some students do find a lucrative job after graduation, they may not enjoy the job; lack of working passion and routine run will make their career choices less meaningful. Their long-term career benefits will compromise with the living pressure.



It's understandable for educational institutions to cultivate more alumni, successful ones especially. Such graduates may donate a lot of money after enjoying the fruit of lucrative careers. To the majority, chances are that students may not donate a lot of money if they don't directly benefit from the career choices guided by their school's recommendation. In some cases, the graduates may regard the once recommendation a waste of their valuable time, they may find their way to the fortune only after giving up the school’s recommendation. Under such conditions, they may reject to donate even a penny to the school, although they have a lot of money.

To sum up, the intentions of such educational institutions to recommend students to major in a lucrative field are warm-hearted, yet it's hard to tell which major is lucrative in the future practically. Moreover, students pushed into the superficial lucrative field may realize day after day that they totally don't like the field; such choices actually go against the will of education, let alone to mention the lucrative benefits of such choices.

ILOVECHEMISTRYUID：2969217

4楼    Sherry 同主题作文批改（见附件：）


(1)        红色标出来的是用词错误，有单复数错误，有搭配错误。
(2)        下划线的部分有问题，需要修改。比如“a lucrative careers (career) will ensue”可以这样说“It is ridiculous to say that if one chooses a specific major, hence ensuing a lucrative career” 或者“thus indicating a lucrative career for sure”; 再比如 “They would not study hard and their academic performance suffer accordingly” suffer一词，我个人感觉好像主语都是人，或者是拟人化的很具象的。“their academic performance suffer accordingly”这句很僵硬，应该改成“and suffer from poor academic performance accordingly”
(3)        跟着王老师的思路，继续加油！多琢磨自己的表达和用词！多看看其他人的习作。

ILOVECHEMISTRYUID：2969217

7.14 Argument 32 （https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1859355-1-1.html）

The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.

During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
====================================

The vice president recommended that by shortening the work shifts in Quiot Manufacturing the workers will get more sleep, hence reducing on-the-job accidents and increasing productivity. A number of assumptions about the causes of fewer accidents in Panoply, the relationship among work hours, fatigue, sleep deprivation and on-the-job accidents have to be reexamined in order to evaluate the argument.

ok 模仿得不错


To begin with, it is assumed that the shorter work shifts for workers are the direct reason leading to 30% fewer on-the-job accidents in Panoply. Yet this assumption has to be carefully examined by ruling out other alternative reasons why fewer accidents struck in Panoply. For example, workers in Panoply may be fewer than that of Quiot, under such condition on-the-job accident rate in Panoply may be equivalent to or less than that of Quiot. Or the working conditions in Panoply are more comfortable and less dangerous than that of Quiot, thus leading to few accidents in Panoply. All these cases can account for the gap in the number of accidents, under such conditions the recommendation can’t reduce the gap.

direct cause leading to ... 选词
accidents struck 选词 搭配
workers in Panoply may be fewer 搭配 there are fewer ...


It’s also assumed that by shortening the shifts, the workers in Quiot would necessarily get more sleep and not feel tired during the work. Yet other factors may disturb the sleep hours hence the working condition in the day. Changes are that some workers may develop a lifestyle of singing to the deep night at KTV, watching TV, conducting video chatting with friends. By offering one more hour to such worker, they may not enjoy a good sleep but to further develop their lifestyles, 断句they will get little sleep and feel tired during the work as before. Or some other workers want to make extra money to support their family owing to the low salary in Quiot, which will shorten the sleeping time and increase the tiredness of the workers. If lack of sleep and fatigue are caused by factors other than long working hours, then the recommendation based on shortening the shifts will not achieve the desired goal.

do not feel ...
disturb the sleep hours 搭配问题

Changes are - chances are ...
注意hedging


The third assumption lie in that offering the workers more free time would necessarily reduce on-the-job accidents. Even if reducing the work shift can let the workers sleep well, the recommendation will not for sure to reduce the accidents. Maybe the working conditions in Panoply are friendlier, the protection gears are state-of-the-art, handles of the machines are automatically instead of depending on more manual workers to operate in a face-to-face manner,  断句such factors all contribute to the fewer accidents in Panoply. Under such scenarios, the recommendation will sound unconvincing by just offering workers more free time. Perhaps their machines should be updated, the operational trainings should be transferred to an automatic manner.

lie in that表达
will not for sure to  语法
protection gears are state-of-the-art搭配
handles of the machines are automatically搭配
整句话的断句  
operational trainings should be transferred to an automatic manner不知道你想说啥


Despite the warm-hearted intention of the recommendation by the vice president, we still need more supporting information about why Panoply had fewer on-the-job accidents than that of Quiot, how shortening work shifts would affect the sleep time and tiredness during work of the Quiot workers in order to examine to what extent the assumptions mentioned are justified.


(1)        有8处typo，时间稍微超了。
(2)        感觉王老师 1+ 3 构思的操作性很强，很容易把文章的结构给定下来。第一句写法需要继续练习。句型，句式多样性方面要加强，学习用一句话把不同点有逻辑，有章法地串起来！这方面给王老师点赞！


==================================
按照王老师的修改意见，自己重新修改的：


The vice president recommended that by shortening the work shifts in Quiot Manufacturing the workers will get more sleep, hence reducing on-the-job accidents and increasing productivity. A number of assumptions about the causes of fewer accidents in Panoply, the relationship among work hours, fatigue, sleep deprivation and on-the-job accidents have to be reexamined in order to evaluate the argument.

（完全按照王老师的思路，模仿的结果，自己也感觉比之前的好很多。就是一句话总结argument, 接下来一句给出分论点，为下文逐条回应做铺垫。）

To begin with, it is assumed that the shorter work shifts for workers are the key factor leading to 30% fewer on-the-job accidents in Panoply. Yet this assumption has to be carefully examined by ruling out other alternative reasons why fewer accidents occurred in Panoply. For example, there may be fewer workers in Panoply than that of Quiot, under such conditions on-the-job accident rate in Panoply may be equivalent to or less than that of Quiot. Or the working conditions in Panoply may be more comfortable and less dangerous than that of Quiot, thus leading to few accidents in Panoply. All these cases can account for the gap in the number of accidents, under such conditions the recommendation can’t reduce the gap.

It’s also assumed that by shortening the shifts, the workers in Quiot would necessarily get more sleep and do not feel tired during the work. Yet other factors may deteriorate the workers’ sleeping conditions hence the working status in the day. Chances are that some workers may develop a lifestyle of singing to the deep night at KTV, watching TV, conducting video chatting with friends. By offering one more hour to such worker, they may not enjoy a good sleep but to further develop their lifestyles, they will get little sleep and feel tired during the work as before. Or some other workers want to make extra money to support their family owing to the low salary in Quiot, which will shorten the sleeping time and increase the tiredness of the workers. If lack of sleep and fatigue are caused by factors other than long working hours, then the recommendation based on shortening the shifts will not achieve the desired goal.

(主谓一致；chances are that, typo 写成了changes are that)

The third assumption is that offering the workers more free time would necessarily reduce on-the-job accidents. Even if reducing the work shift can let the workers sleep well, the recommendation will not reduce the accidents exactly. Maybe the working conditions in Panoply are friendlier, the protection gears are more advanced, handles of the machines are automatically; workers in Panoply are more prepared for the working conditions, such factors mentioned above all contribute to the fewer accidents in Panoply. Under such scenarios, the recommendation will sound unconvincing by just offering workers more free time. Perhaps their machines should be updated, perhaps the operational trainings should be transferred to an automatic manner to reduce the possible accidents caused by machine-related problems.



Despite the warm-hearted intention of the recommendation by the vice president, we still need more supporting information about why Panoply had fewer on-the-job accidents than that of Quiot, how shortening work shifts would affect the sleep time and tiredness during work of the Quiot workers in order to examine to what extent the assumptions mentioned are justified.


根据王老师修改总结：

(1)        “direct cause leading to ... 选词”
修改为“key factor leading to ”

(2)        accidents struck 选词 搭配 “”
修改为“accidents occurred”

(3)        workers in Panoply may be fewer 搭配 there are fewer ...
修改为“there may be fewer workers in Panoply than that of Quiot”

(4)        “not feel” 主谓一致问题
修改为“do not feel”

(5)        lie in that表达
修改为“is”，本来想用个高级的表达，还是保险得用“is”

(6)        will not for sure to  语法
修改为“reduce the accidents exactly”

(7)        protection gears are state-of-the-art搭配
修改为“the protection gears are more advanced,”

(8)        handles of the machines are automatically搭配 整句话的断句
修改为“handles of the machines are automatically;” 用分号断句。

(9)        operational trainings should be transferred to an automatic manner不知道你想说啥
修改为“, perhaps the operational trainings should be transferred to an automatic manner to reduce the possible accidents caused by machine-related problems.”
这句话属于举例描述不完整，造成意思不明确。修改后，意思就比较明白了：将操作由手工方式改成自动方式，能避免工人和机器接触（手动方式不可避免），进而能避免由于机器出什么状况给旁边值守的工人带来伤害。自动方式可以说无人值守。就是这个意思。

ILOVECHEMISTRYUID：2969217

7.15 Issue 13 （https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1859369-1-2.html）


13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

==========================================
Faced with the fast wheeling and intensified competition of the modern world, students these days may find themselves more and more urgent to be well-prepared and well-developed for the future job market. Some believe that universities should offer students more courses outside the required studying plan, holding that such extra studies can open the minds of future workforce. Others believe that students majoring in one field should focus only on what the course requires. In my opinion, students should take various courses beyond their specialties in order to better their academic studies, citizenship development and future career preparation. (8min)

urgent 选词 - under increasing pressure to be ...
required studying plan 表达 major field
what the course requires -美国英语里course是指课程不是program
better 选词

整个开头段写的还不错  
不过8分钟太长了 建议简化一些


To begin with, extra courses can better the understanding of students' major courses. Interchanges between different courses these days become stronger than any time, thus offering new platforms to understand some special knowledge from a different aspect. Take chemistry as an example, 断句studying chemistry focus more on molecular structures, reaction types and mechanisms, 断句 these knowledge actually is limited to a room full of chemists only; while by learning biology, chemists soon find themselves very powerful when dealing with the urgent problems which are nightmares for the pure biologists. By reaction of chemistry with biology, new knowledge can be developed to solve the pressing problems, during which students can learn and understand their own field of chemistry or biology better.

better 选词
主题句里可以概括一下原因  

Interchanges between different courses 不懂你的意思
aspect 选词 perspective?

these knowledge actually is limited to a room full of chemists only不懂你的意思
chemists soon find themselves very powerful when dealing with the urgent problems which are nightmares for the pure biologists不懂你的意思

By reaction of chemistry with biology不懂你的意思

你这里已经偏离的题目所说的选修课程 而在讲chemists biologists


Moreover, it's a good opportunity to develop the citizenship of students by taking some courses outside their scheduled studies. For art and humanities students, learning science and engineering can better their understanding of the high-technology world around us, 断句 they may apply their special knowledge to help design, regulate and optimize the development of science and engineering when policy-making was open to them. For science students, they can learn some economic, history, literature courses to enjoy the beauty of old wisdom precipitated for centuries, to spark some inspiration from such studies. Well-balanced studying can offer more well-developed citizens for the modern society.

For science students, they can learn some economic, history, literature courses to enjoy the beauty of old wisdom precipitated for centuries, to spark some inspiration from such studies这句话和主题句的citizenship有什么关联？


Also, well-prepared and well-developed candidates are more popular in the job market right now. By studying some extra courses outside the major one, students can find themselves better equipped with capacities to solve urgent problems. Studying one major in college is one thing, solving the real problem in workplace is another. The real problem is often harsh then the simplified one in college courses. Take designing an app in computer class as an example,断句 students are required to offer the outlined structure of data flow, the optimized running of the software. Students who can complete such tasks are the best ones, yet such skills are far below the requirement from the software industry, for more aspects beyond the basic functional ones are required to appeal to the customers' demands.

这段开头没有回应challenge的动作  
前面说的是找工作 到后面偏离了这个中心  也没有紧扣take courses outside the field 这个主题

建议你好好总结一下这周的4篇作文  下周先不急于写全文 可以考虑只写开头段和一个中间段 留时间做模仿和订正


To sum up, students taking some extra courses can be beneficial to their academic studies and citizenship development. While it's not the only reason and incentive to study such courses, learning more outside the majoring course can render the students more prepared for the upcoming personal career development.


(1) 40 min 写完的，思路是按照王老师的范文展开的。

(2) 感觉起承转合之间还是欠佳，还需要多参考，学习王老师的范文。




==================修改版本======================



第一版自己举例子太专业了，有些不好。所以要考虑读者这方面的阅读体验，不能说太细，也不能说太空。所以就觉得用一些很火的概念，比如说全球变暖，这里面基本上有各种角度去写，当然有我熟悉的化学和生物角度。


Faced with the fast wheeling and intensified competition of the modern world, students these days may find themselves under increasing pressure to be well-prepared and well-developed for the future job market. Some believe that universities should offer students more courses outside the major field, holding that such extra studies can open the minds of future workforce. Others believe that students majoring in one field should focus only on what the program requires. In my opinion, students should take various courses beyond their specialties in order to better their academic studies, citizenship development and future career preparation.

urgent 选词 - under increasing pressure to be ...
required studying plan 修改为 major field, 更加具体
what the course requires -美国英语里course是指课程不是program
按照王老师的意见修改完成

To begin with, extra courses can help students to study their major courses more effectively by introducing the students different perspectives and methods from other disciplines. Take students majoring in chemistry as an example. By taking courses in computer science, chemistry students can learn the basic programming skills as well as state-of-the-art technologies in dynamic modelling which can help them to explore interesting issues in reaction mechanisms based on supercomputers. Through courses on biology, chemistry students can also learn how powerful the small molecules can turn out to be among the biological pathways and understand the structure-function relationship from the perspective of biology. As the examples clearly illuminate, taking courses from related disciplines can help students to study their own majors more effectively.

回应第一段challenge的观点，展开观点
化学系的学生可以受益于计算机的学习
再谈谈学习生物对化学的好处
最后从例子中总结前面的观点，点出challenge的动作

Courses in other fields can also forge students become more responsible citizens capable of making informed decisions on complicated social issues. Take global warming as an example, science and technology students can gain more insights into how ethical and political matters we have to deal with by taking some courses on laws and humanities; political science and law majors can also better understand how industries transformed the CO2 cycle at molecular, substance and climate levels taking course about chemistry and biology. Such complicated issues as global warming are calling for integrated ideas of well-educated and well-developed citizens, usually from an interdisciplinary perspective. The proposed requirement of cross-courses can contribute to cultivating better citizens for the society.

教育的目的不仅仅是学业，还包括公民意识的培养
以全球变暖这个热点话题，从理工和人文的角度展开讨论，结合全球变暖的话题，例子比王老师的范文更细致了一些，但是套路完全是模仿王老师的。
段末总结一句，回应challenge.

Some people may argue that no courses should be required unless such courses are beneficial for students’ future jobs. In fact, many courses outside one’s discipline can be helpful for students’ career development. Taking writing-intensive courses in history and philosophy, for example, can help chemistry students to sharpen their writing skills, which are essential for effective communication among scientists all over the world when writing research paper. Programming skills that chemistry students can develop through computer science courses will also enable the chemistry graduates to apply their chemical models to industrial cases in their workplace by developing appropriate computer programs. On the other hand, it is rather short-sighted to focus on the direct benefits for jobs that students may gain from courses. After all, universities are not merely vocational training schools. Students should be encouraged to pursue goals that are not career-oriented.
回应题目要求 关于挑战
回应挑战
举例说明
继续举例说明
批评挑战背后的假设  
跟进批评  
进一步总结
基本上是抄王老师的，就是把例子改成了我熟悉的化学背景的case.

To sum up, students taking some extra courses can be beneficial to their academic studies and citizenship development. While it's not the only reason and incentive to study such courses, learning more outside the majoring course can render the students more prepared for the upcoming personal career development.

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7.16 Argument 87 （https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1859378-1-2.html）

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

In a study of the reading habits of Waymarsh citizens conducted by the University of Waymarsh, most respondents said they preferred literary classics as reading material.

However, a second study conducted by the same researchers found that the type of book most frequently checked out of each of the public libraries in Waymarsh was the mystery novel.

Therefore, it can be concluded that the respondents in the first study had misrepresented their reading preferences.

========================================

The author of the argument concludes that the reading habits changed based on the library records, which suggest literary classics was less preferred than mystery novel. To evaluate the soundness of the argument, we need more information of the library records, the reading habits of the Waymarsh readers and the design of the first survey.

information about ...


To begin with, library records of the Waymarsh should be provided in a more detailed manner to rule out any bias leading to an unsound result. For example, if the literary classic books are far fewer for readers to borrow, the record of such reading materials will be underestimated. Also, reading literary classics requires more time, 断句 maybe the readers would like to enjoy a second or even third time while keeping the loaned books at hand; under such conditions, the library records based on the frequency of borrowing books can not reflect the real case.

the literary classic books are far fewer 表达 the size of collection of ...  
reflect the real case (of what)



What' more, it's important to know more about the reading habits among Waymarsh citizens before reaching any conclusion. To read in a public library is a kind of wonderful thing for some people, yet the experience may vary from people to people. Readers nowadays may prefer to read some literary classics in a coffee room while listening to some background music, such places may not be included into the survey. Or simply some hard-core readers may go to the bookstores to buy collective literary classics to read at any time,断句 they may not go to public libraries to read the same books they love the most, they may go to the libraries to scan some mystery books every now and then.

To read in a public library is a kind of wonderful thing for some people, yet the experience may vary from people to people 这句话要重写  尤其是后面半句  
这里的重点是other sources of the books 你后面说的coffee room什么的都没有抓住要害
断句还是很大的问题  




Finally, we need to scrutinize the first study more carefully. How about the sample collection of the survey? How about the readers’ distribution? If the survey was based on some kind of readers such as drivers, the reading preferences will be different for sure. Drivers may like mystery novel after work just for fun, yet teachers may find literary classics more valuable and meaningful. Also the percentage of such different readers can lead to different weight of the final result.

这里两个how about都要重新写  要写完整一些   
汗 为什么要单挑driver出来 driver躺枪了  


To sum up, we need more information to evaluate the library record and more supporting details about the reader habits in Waymarsh. Also, the design of the first survey was open to questions, optimization of the design may be necessary to reach a sound argument.

(40 min)


(1) 感觉思路越来越好了，时间上也逐步在缩短。

(2) 对老师的范文和构思越来越熟悉了。继续加油中。



===============================================

看了王老师的点评，看了其他朋友的习作，突然觉得自己写的太弱了！瞬间连改的欲望都没有了，整个就是弱，也是好好研究了一下王老师的范文，重写如下：

Rewrite （45 min or so）

In a study conducted by the researchers from University of Waymarsh, the first result reported that the local citizens preferred literary classics while the second turned out to be that the Waymarsh readers would like to read mystery novels based on the check-out record of the public libraries. The arguer then claims that the inconsistency between the two results is due to that the first survey misrepresented the readers’ preferences. However, there are kinds of hidden or stated assumptions to be reevaluated before reaching a sound argument; among such assumptions are the check-out record of library books, the reading habits of Waymarsh readers and the design of the first survey.

To begin with, it’s assumed that the check-out record of the public libraries can reveal that people do read more mystery novel hence love to read such books. However, chances are that there may be more mystery novels available to the readers than that of literary classics. Or people may enjoy reading literary books in the quite rooms of the literary especially if the library does not allow readers to borrow the valuable literary copies. Also, readers may want to read more than once of such literary books after checking out from the public libraries. In any of the cases above, people may read more of literary books than mystery novels; the check-out record just can’t reflect the real reading preference.

Another assumption is that people would only read books in the public libraries. However, large number of literary books may be available to the people from private libraries or small bookstores. People would read such literary classics from such comfortable private libraries, or they would simply buy the favorite ones and read them again and again at home. Another possibility is that, people may download the e-books of such literary classics form the Internet for free thanks to the open-source public domain. Under the above scenarios, people may read a lot of literary classics, yet the check-out record based on the public libraries may give anything but a convincing argument.

Finally, the arguer assumes that first survey was reliable enough to reflect the reading preference of different groups of Waymarsh readers. It’s possible that the survey was conducted in the campus of a college where readers may read more of literary classics than the average level of Waymarsh people. Or the survey may not include “mystery novel” as an independent type of the reading materials, thus underestimating the preference of mystery novels.

To sum up, the assumptions of the check-out record of public libraries, the reading habits of Waymarsh readers and the first survey were open to questions in part or full. Under some conditions mentioned above, the argument may not hold true.

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Issue 15 学习反面论证： https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... age=3#pid1779665806

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7月17日 反馈汇总 （https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1861343-1-1.html）

更新于7.21

我自己在汇总的时候，发现做成表格还是方面查阅，试了一下用回帖中的表格，太麻烦了，而且格式调控及其不方便。于是就自己动手做了两个表格，一个用来反馈语言，另一个用来反馈内容。里面的错误类型做成了下拉选择菜单，很方便。想着，以后大家干脆就没一周叫这样的表格多好啊，王老师您以后汇总的时候也方便，用作科研数据也很便于归类，总结。我们自己查阅的时候也方便，好处大大的！

内容方面，其实感觉没有太大的偏差，主要是有老师的范文做指导。所以就只提交 语言反馈。







================================================================
觉得段落发展方面，例子回应challenge不够，写着写着就跑偏了，key word 没有反复强调。
主题句方面，要么罗嗦，要么没有把点干净利落地整出来。
语言方面，其实自己感觉很不错，但是限时情况下，没有很多时间去考虑，不明觉错，尤其是断句问题，王老师都一一给指出来了。以后一定注意！
今天花了两个小时把 Issue 13 好好学习了一下，重新按照王老师的提纲和思路写了一篇，然后加进了自己比较熟悉的化学方面的例子，感觉像是自己写的，其实是抄写王老师的。

下周开始，会重点学习思路和全文发展，可能更多的是写提纲，然后是仿写，用自己的例子置换王老师的例子，让自己更上手，先要保证思路是对的，没有跑题，challenge 要不停地回应，key word 要不断强化。避免一会students, 一会就chemists了。这种错误要有意识改正。

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7月20日 issue 91 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1862006-1-1.html

91) The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that they have more leisure time.


Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

==================早晨写的提纲=======

Faced with the fast-wheeling world full of technological advances nowadays, we actually benefit a lot from such transformation ranging from economic boom to living standard improvement. It's obvious to probe the fruit of the technological advancement which benefit people in their daily life. I agree that the technological advances have increased people's efficiency in kinds of manners. Yet whether or not people will have more free time to enjoy depends on the roles people play and the goals they pursue.



For students and researchers in higher education,

For white-collar in high-tech companies,

For the retired people,


============补写了全文 7.23（感谢王老师的提醒，差点忘了！）==============

Faced with the fast-wheeling world full of technological advances nowadays, we actually benefit a lot from such transformation ranging from economic boom to living standard improvement. It's obvious to observe the fruit of the technological advancement which benefit people in their daily life. I agree that the technological advances have increased people's efficiency in kinds of manners. Yet whether or not people will have more free time to enjoy depends on the roles people play and the goals they pursue.


主旨句的一个问题就是没有提到goal 也没有回应should  
两个关键词都不回应 这个主旨句就废掉了   
建议你看下我修改后的示范 再改写一下


For students and researchers in higher education, technological advances do give them more tools to increase the efficiency of studying or research. Just take the literature management software as an example. With software like EndNote available to students and researchers, they just need to click a link of interest to download the citation file as well as the pdf file together. Besides, they can even mark some labels for different kinds of literature to make the management more efficient. Such things would be very tedious for the old researchers when they can't enjoy the efficiency of such software. Yet the research competition nowadays is increasingly pushy among the similar research field, thus leading to more intense work load for the students and researchers to bear. Actually the efficiency offered by advanced technology was kind of offset by the pressing competition.

(这方面个人是深有体会，所以写起来很顺！)

For white-collar in high-tech companies, jobs are now more integrated into the complex project requiring more workmates to respond to the same problem all together. Truth is that the working efficiency is increasingly optimized as new technologies are and will be introduced into the real workplaces. To match such a trend, the team need to work at the same pace, thus pushing some part of jobs especially hard-core part to move forward more quickly. Under such conditions, chances are that the employees will work at the deep night to meet the demands instead of enjoying more free time.

For the retired people, the advent of high-tech time does improve their life qualities and let them to enjoy more spare time. Smart wearable devices such as iband that circled around the wrist can monitor the blood flow rate, heart beat rate, sleeping state and other key factors related to the fitness of the device-taker. These monitoring data can be instantly updated to the smart phones or even to the health care center for doctors' information to afford more precise medical plans. In this process, the elder people don't need to go to the hospital to check out their health state frequently as before. They can enjoy the saved time with their family and do more things of interest.

To sum up, the technological advancement do improve people's efficiency in kinds of manners, yet the goal's benefits are not one-fits-all. People like students, researcher, white-collar employees may not enjoy more free time just because the enhanced efficiency; while it should be pleasant for people like retired workers to gain more advantages from the technological advancement.

(ca. 25min)




=================7.26 更新，有硬伤，稍后需要看王老师的范文，好好修改============

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7月21日 argument 54 同主题练习 (https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1862008-1-1.html )


54) Humans arrived in the Kaliko Islands about 7,000 years ago, and within 3,000 years most of the large mammal species that had lived in the forests of the Kaliko Islands had become extinct. Yet humans cannot have been a factor in the species' extinctions, because there is no evidence that the humans had any significant contact with the mammals. Further, archaeologists have discovered numerous sites where the bones of fish had been discarded, but they found no such areas containing the bones of large mammals, so the humans cannot have hunted the mammals. Therefore, some climate change or other environmental factor must have caused the species' extinctions.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

================================================

The author argues that the climate change or environmental factor instead of human activities leads to the extinct of large mammal species which had lived in the forests of the Kaliko Islands (KI). However, the argument needs to reevaluate the assumptions in order to make it sound; among the stated or hidden assumptions are lack of evident of human-large-mammal contact, absent of bones of large mammals, and climate change or other environmental factors.

extinct词性
argument needs to reevaluate搭配
evident词性
absent 词性  
要用assumption about



To begin with, the author claims that lack of evident of the contact between human and large mammals in KI indicates that human should have nothing to do with the extinction of such large mammals species. However, chances are that the evident may not be explored yet because of the limited technology or research up to date. For example, the manual tools used by the hunters to kill such large mammals may still not be found for the position of such evidence was too hard for the equipment to detect; or simply such evidence was still there waiting for the up-coming researchers to make it exposed to the public. Actually, the lack of evidence can't indicate that such evidence is no exist, let alone to further assume the lack of contact of human and such large mammal species.

evident 词性
主题句里要出现assume或assumption
evidence- explore 搭配
make it exposed to the public选词
is no exist语法
你的表达问题好大 汗
assume后面的搭配
contact of .. with


Another assumption is that the absent of bones of large mammals in KI indicates that the extinct should not be caused by human activities. Yet, human at that time may had developed some kind of bone tools to hunt large mammals, after killing such animals, they not only eat them, but also used the bones of such large mammals to make more bone tools to kill more large mammals. If such a scenario existed, the lack of large mammal bones can’t support that human activities have nothing to do with the extinction of the large mammals.

这里assumption的概括有问题  
they found no such areas containing the bones of large mammals, so the humans cannot have hunted the mammals. 找不到骨头推出的结论是没有捕猎  你要针对这个推理来总结假设  



Also, the author assumes that, the climate change or other environmental factors must account for the extinction of the large mammals in KI. Actually, even if human didn't lead to the extinction of such large mammals, other alternatives can also account for the extinction. For example, it's possible that some small animals may move to the KI, 断句  they just ate the eggs of such large mammals; also such small animals may grow very quickly, making the survival of large mammals very hard and causing the final extinction.
To sum up, the assumptions of the argument are open to questions. The lack of evidence can't simply indicate the lack of contact of human and the large mammals in KI; the bones of large mammals also can't give any convincing supporting information of the extinction of such large mammals; the climate change or other environmental factors may be not the alternatives of the extinction of the large mammals.

对假设的概括还是不对  
你这是直接复述结论 而不是指出背后的假设  



(31min)

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7月22日 同主题 issue 78 (https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1863522-1-1.html)

78) People’s attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

================================================

The society as a whole, the attitudes of individuals towards different situations and surroundings around our daily life get involved into the complex network that would shape our complicated experience. People's attitudes, in my opinion, are more determined by the society as a whole through the education, media and government policies which also shape the situations and surroundings every now and then in some kind of manner.

get involved into - 选词 换成form
in some kind of manner. 删掉好些



To begin with, education as a key social institution counts a lot when determining our attitudes and our social environment. Take the "no smoking" in public places as an example. As we grow up, we are told by parents, teachers or some relatives that smoking is bad for our and others' health and smoking in public places is against the social etiquette. Although no law was framed to punish the smokers, the social pressure induced from our living environment does leave a message:"Do not do the things without any benefit to yourself at the cost of others' benefit". Our attitudes towards the smokers are shaped by this kind of belief based on education. Meanwhile the society would make some consistent response to the attitudes shared by the public; so we can see the obvious signs reading "no smoking" in kinds of public places such as libraries, music halls and so on. In a word, the society would first shape our attitudes and then develop specific environment that would facilitate the related practices.

counts a lot  
主题句里没有回应关键词 或者回应不明显 你要强调是社会通过教育影响 否则就有被判偏题的风险
the "no smoking" rule
the society would make some consistent response to the attitudes 搭配



Our attitudes are also determined by the society through the mass media. This is particular true in the high-tech-based society. Through extensive advertising campaigns, we are brainwashed into the belief that we can't survive without gears such as smart phones, PC and other services related with our daily life. We may come to realize that our value as human being is determined by the high-tech products we buy as advertised in the media. Meanwhile, the society would shape the surroundings in such a way that the high-tech-based communities are the living standards. With high-speed network, convenient communication systems, efficient transportation, living in such communities would reinforce the attitudes we hold towards the high-tech-based surroundings.

the high-tech-based communities are the living standards 搭配


Through government policies, the society can also exert an effect on our attitudes. Take gay marriage as an example. Thanks to the lenient policies towards the homosexual marriages recently, the gay marriage can be realized in more and more places in and outside American and European. Despite the fierce opposition from some social groups, the public attitudes towards gay marriages have gradually changed from hatred or reluctance to acceptance. As a positive response, the changes in government polices also stimulate the industries for gay romance and wedding, thus rendering new products and services for the gay couples to celebrate their relationships and bonding. So, the social environment would reflect the shift in government policies and public attitudes.

marriage can be realized搭配
rendering new products选词


To sum up, I agree that our attitudes towards the immediate situations and surroundings are shaped more by the larger society through institutions such as education, media and government. Meanwhile, such institutions would also reshape our social environment and give a positive response to our attitudes.

(50min)


感觉这道题不好写，很抽象！

写得还不错 就是时间太长了  

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7月23日 同主题练习 argument 62 (https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1863584-1-1.html)

Argument 62 示范

argument 121 122 124

这道题也是天然高频，所以练一下。
The following appeared in a memo from the director of a large group of hospitals.

"In a laboratory study of liquid antibacterial hand soaps, a concentrated solution of UltraClean produced a 40 percent greater reduction in the bacteria population than did the liquid hand soaps currently used in our hospitals. During a subsequent test of UltraClean at our hospital in Workby, that hospital reported significantly fewer cases of patient infection than did any of the other hospitals in our group. Therefore, to prevent serious patient infections, we should supply UltraClean at all hand-washing stations throughout our hospital system.”

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

======================================
Grounding on a lab study of liquid antibacterial hand soaps, the director of a large hospital group argues that the UltraClean (UC) should be used to replace the present-used liquid hand soaps at all the hand-washing stations in their group system. However, the director based the recommendation on some hidden or stated assumptions which may weaken the argument. Among such unjustified assumptions are the reliability of the lab study, the causes of the fewer cases of Workby, a branch hospital of the group system, and the relationship between bacterial population and patient infection.

To begin with, the lab study of the UC leading to a 40% reduction effect against the bacteria is open to questions. As we all know, the lab study is based on full-controlled conditions which are totally different from the real conditions of hospitals. Bacterial response to the hand soaps can be totally different in the two conditions; chances are that the UC under lab conditions may give a good response to the bacteria while it may turn out to be totally useless when applied to the hospital conditions. Moreover, it's a common practice that more stringent antibacterial measures are performed as a daily work regardless of the UC test. Maybe the 40% reduction was a combination of some kind of antibacterial measure and the UC; under such scenario, the real antibacterial effect of UC alone can't be evaluated convincingly, let alone to give any suggestions to the hospitals.

Also, the arguer claims that the fewer cases of patient infection in Workby, a branch hospital of the group system, can demonstrate the efficiency of UC so as to recommend the overall use of UC. Actually, the fewer cases of patient infection in Workby can be caused by kinds of factors. Maybe the patients coming to Workby was fewer than that of other branches of the hospital group, hence rendering fewer cases of patient infection. Maybe the Workby hospital reminds their patients to wash hands more often than other hospitals, for frequent hand washing can also lead to less bacterial population which may reduce the patient infection.

Another assumption is that the relationship of bacterial population is linked to the patient infection chances directly. Common sense tells us that the bacteria can be regarded as infection-related and infection-free. Some bacteria may be beneficial to our health, while others may be infection-related. Yet the study totally doesn't mention the difference, maybe the study result was applied to the infection-free type; the infection-related result based on the UC may be the same as other hand soaps.

To sum up, the recommendation proposed by the director should be reevaluated. The lab study should be checked out again, the causes of fewer cases of patient infection should be balanced against other possible alternative, the relationship of bacterial population and patient infection should be studied in a more convincing manner.


(1)        这篇Argument 是自己先列提纲，完全没有看王老师的范文，大概花了有10min 想assumption, 然后就想到很明显的三个方面：（a）lab study 和 hospital 的conditions 那是完全两回事。这里因为背影知识很熟悉，所以给的例子都是很核心的例子，论证起来感觉很充分，写起来也很顺手; (b) UC 在Workby 的result可能原因是什么？没准patient 在他家就少呢，没准他家让patient 洗手的频率高呢，这些都可能导致patient infection 降低；（c）bacterial population 多了，不一定会使patient infection 机会增高，这不是一个正相关的命题。
(2)        感觉自己先想一下，再看老师的比较好一些。有些背景自己比较熟悉的话，可能上手会更快，写起来也更流畅。起码这一篇练习我自己感觉上手很快，写着感觉都不一样。

tesolchinaUID：2191404

ILOVECHEMISTRY 发表于 2015-7-20 08:30
7月20日 issue 91 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1862006-1-1.html

91) The primary goal of technologic ...

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ILOVECHEMISTRYUID：2969217

tesolchina 发表于 2015-7-22 16:07
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谢谢老师负责任的提醒，已经补写，请查阅10楼。再次谢谢王老师！话说您的头像换得好抽象啊！大晚上的挺吓人的！呵呵！