独立作文-进军美利坚 by zhengping

zhengping001UID: 2689322

10-10

playing computer games is wasting time 。 Children should not allowed to play them
1. A member of children will easy addict computer gameson account of their less control-self capability(absent, doze, skip classes, ).
2. Playing computer games will cause the drop of childrenhealth, such as eyes' vision, creativity, memory, .
3. Playing computer games will violence,

Technology or science is a double-edged sword. As we all know, it makes a high-speed development for humanbeings in all over fields, but it also brings some negative influence to someespecial group, for example playing computer games. A great deal of childrenspends a plentiful of time playing computer games, which can greatly affecttheir study and life. So I heartfelt agree with the viewpoint that childrenshould not allowed to play computer games.

Admittedly, playing computer games is often nocuous tochildren. When playing their fond computer games they will often be late to goto school or even to skip classes. Take my nephew as an example, once he hasdone well in study and often attained prize fellowship. Since last year he fellin love with playing a computer game called Star wars, he didn't love to study andout to play with their friends, even he often skipped classes in order to playhis game. So his academic record was intensively fallen soon. Why is my nephew’sacademic record changed so much than when he had not played computer games?Because he can easy addict some fascinating computer games on account of hisless self-control capability.

In the third place, playing computer games can give thedrop of children growth. There are a lot of reports about the effect of playingcomputer games on children health or education. Take children eyes vision as anexample. They have been staring at this computer screen for hours just forplaying boring games, and doing that can make their eyes really hurt. By someestimates, around more a half of children are short sight. Even some childrenget more bad disease due to long-time abnormal playing computer games. Inaddition, it can reduce their memory and interest on study, no to say aboutimproving their creativity.

Furthermore, children from some computer games that areinvolving several players’ cooperation, which can not only improve their communicationskills but also get some useful things such as friendship, more children areprefer playing some violent computer games. Also these computer or online gamescan provide them with more active interest. However their world view and philosophyis easy affected by some violent computer games. For instances, as experts declares,a large number of children have criminal record at their age less than sixteen.

In conclusion, computer or online games bring a lotsproblem for children, including wasting time on study, some health problems,and bad effect on characteristic and philosophy. In a word, children reallyshould not allowed to play them.

zhangyzzzUID: 2615373

本来都帮你改完了。。。。我们学校12点会断一次网，全没了。55555m
明天给你补上

zhengping001UID: 2689322

谢谢了，呵呵！

zhangyzzzUID: 2615373

Technology or science is a double-edged sword. As we all know, it makes a high-speed development for human beings in all over fields, but it also brings some negative influence to some especial group, for example playing computer games. A great deal of children spends a plentiful of time(plenty of time on) playing computer games, which can greatly affect their study and life. So I heartfelt agree with(heartfelt 是个形容词，要跟agreement with，我这个是从戴云的教程上看到的，你可以去看看上面讲的很仔细。) the viewpoint that children should not（be） allowed to play computer games.
- t4 K! t; A+ c1 g" w3 I; c4 c# Z$ k1 d0 z
Admittedly, playing computer games is often nocuous to children. When(去掉，when 引导从句，后面的成分不需要加when) playing their fond computer games they will often be late to goto school or even to（去掉，be late 和 skip并列，不需要加to） skip classes. Take my nephew as an example, once he has done well in study and often（这是一个典型的一般时标志词，不适合用在这里。） attained prize fellowship. Since last year he fell in love with playing a computer game called Star wars, he didn't love to study and （go） out to play with their friends, even he often skipped classes in order to play his game. So his academic record was intensively fallen soon. Why is(did) my nephew’sacademic record changed (change这里不需要被动) so much than(is it 比较的应该是两个同等的事物，这里是比较成绩不是比较时间) when he had not played computer games?Because he can easy（easily） addict some fascinating computer games on account of hisless self-control capability.8 O& C8 P' i- o; {* u: G8 ?
5 @' S) h& K8 e. Z  Q+ I  _
In the third place（这里应该是写 错了吧）, playing computer games can give the drop of children growth（这个表达我不确定对不对，最好再确认一下。）. There are a lot of reports about the effects of playing computer games on children health or education. Take children eyes vision as an example. They have been staring(这里完成进行时好像没有必要) at this（the） computer screen for hours just for playing boring games, and doing that can make their eyes really hurt. By some estimates（estimators）, around more a half of children are short sight. Even some children get more bad diseases due to long-time abnormal playing computer games. Inaddition, it can reduce their memory and interest on study, no to say about improving their creativity.
, U0 a; n  i3 V- @
0 @7 M# e3 @8 fFurthermore, children from some computer games that are involving several players’ cooperation, which can not only improve their communication skills but also get some useful things such as friendship, more children are prefer（两个动词） playing some violent computer games（这句话太长了，可以分成几句来说）. Also these computer or online games can provide them with more active interest. However their world view and philosophyis easy affected by some violent computer games. For instances（For instance）, as experts declares,a large number of children have criminal record at their age less than sixteen.(这一段主题句感觉要说games的好处，但是后面举例还是说了坏的影响。)
9 A2 Z9 k* B9 z2 j% c8 g3 b, g! d7 [. z! ^/ N( t- p
In conclusion, computer or online games bring a lotsproblem（lots of , a lot of 都可以） for children, including wasting time on study, some health problems,and bad effect on characteristic and philosophy（这里总结全文很好。）. In a word, children really should not（be） allowed to play them.


1.段落顺序好像有些问题，admittedly是表示让步，所以这一段应当表现出对你的论点的让步。

2.有一些表达还需要注意，确认一下，有没有这种表达法。

3.些例子的时候可以更加的细节一些，建议你可以看一看如是和天涯的作文，他们在这一点做得很好，感觉就很充实了。6 g( K1 }(

zhengping001UID: 2689322

10.13

The parents do not understand their children as well today as parentsunderstood their children 50 years ago



Now people inever-increasing numbers are getting to recognize that whether the parents dounderstand their children more than parents understood their children 50 yearsago or not. There is a violent controversy. Some accept the point of view thatit does not change a little. I strongly hold the point that the parent clearerand easier do understand their children than before on account of developmentof technology and science.

Admittedly, someparents still do not understand their children as well as before. This problemis caused due to they do not know how to love their children. Or they do notspend enough time on considering their children. These parents might only pay attentionon children health rather than such as their study, interests, goals or dreamseven making friends. So no anybody can deny that those parents should moreconsider thought and other interests of their children than health only.

Nevertheless, unlike50 years ago, almost of parents can easily and deeply understand their childrennow. With the development of technology and science, an expanding of people isaware of influence of education and communication to understand their childrenand family. Take my two nuncles as an example. My young nuncle is a doctor ofeducation science, and my old nuncle is illiteracy. I deeply remembered somethings about them family. At one weekend, their children together took part inan interesting game in backyard, and they played it and cost an amount of time dueto they very loved this game. But my two nuncles have different points abouttheir fond game. Young nuncle suggested that children should attain somechances to take part in interests; from the game they can gain some beneficial thingssuch as cooperation, communication skills and true friendship. But old nuncledid think so; he believed that playing games is wasting time, and childrenshould spend almost of time on learning. Undoubtedly, in the modern society, peoplewho are getting high education can more easily understand and communicate theirfamily.

To conclude, inthe past 50 years, parents did not understand their children by lack of gettingenough education and communication. However the problems will strongly reduceas parents have an increasing number of chances to get high education.

beangtUID: 2691375

Now people in ever-increasing numbers are getting to recognize that whether the parents do understand their children more than parents understood their children 50 years ago or not. There is a violent controversy. Some accept the point of view that it does not change a little. I strongly hold the point that the parent clearer and easier do understand their children than before on account of development of technology and science.

: u; i9 t, s; f  M. _% TAdmittedly, some parents still do not understand their children as well as before. This problem is caused due to they do not know how to love their children. Or they do not spend enough time on considering their children. These parents might only pay attention on children(‘s) health rather than (other aspects) such as their study, interests, goals or dreams even making friends(这个读着有点别扭). So no anybody can deny that those parents should more consider thought and other interests of their children than health only.

8 ]3 E2 Q1 J7 U+ ]) s: K7 bNevertheless, unlike 50 years ago, almost of parents can easily and deeply understand their children now. With the development of technology and science, an expanding of people is(are) aware of influence of education and communication to understand their children and family. Take my two(two of my) nuncles(uncles？好奇怪的用法) as an example. My young nuncle is a doctor of education(al?) science(pedagogy), and my old nuncle is illiteracy. I deeply remembered somethings(something) about them(their) family(families). At one weekend, their children together took part in an interesting game in backyard, and they played it and cost an amount of time due to they very loved this game. But my two nuncles have different points about their fond game. Young nuncle suggested that children should attain some chances to take part in interests; from the game they can gain some beneficial things such as cooperation, communication skills and true friendship. But old nuncle did think so; he believed that playing games is wasting time, and children should spend almost of time on learning. Undoubtedly, in the modern society, people who are getting high education can more easily understand and communicate their family.
2 q% n+ c6 i! m3 ?& [, e& D" p
" F& S5 f, A) G1 |7 ]1 gTo conclude, in the past 50 years, parents did not understand their children by lack of getting enough education and communication. However the problems will strongly reduce as parents have an increasing number of chances to get high education.
文章结构还可以，有一些句子读起来有点难理解。
至于内容上，我也不知道是应该写为什么家长不理解孩子还是用例子阐述这个事实，不知道您怎么认为？
批的不对的地方请谅解~

scutgongUID: 2564275

Now people in ever-increasing numbers are getting to recognize that whether the parents do understand their children more than parents understood their children 50 years ago or not. There is a violent controversy. Some accept the point of view that it does not change a little. I strongly hold the point that the parent clearer and easier do understand their children (the parents do understand their children clearly and easily?) than before on account of development of technology and science. (这段话用了几个do表示强调。是否多了点？建议换其他词语代替)

Admittedly, some parents still do not understand their children as well as before. This problem is caused due to they do not know how to love their children. Or they do not spend enough time on considering（可以去掉） their children. These parents might only pay attention on（to） children’s health rather than such as their study, interests, goals or dreams even making friends. So no anybody (nobody) can deny that those parents should more consider thought and other interests of their children than health only.

Nevertheless, unlike 50 years ago, almost of parents can easily and deeply understand their children now. With the development of technology and science, an expanding of people is aware of influence (importance) of education and communication to understand their children and family. Take my two uncles as an example. My young uncle is a doctor of education science, and my old uncle is illiteracy. I deeply (此文多次出现deeply，建议找词语代替，如impressively) remembered something about them family. At one weekend, their children together took part in an interesting game in backyard, and they played it and cost an amount of time due to they very loved this game. But my two uncles have different points about their fond（favorite） game. Young uncle suggested that children should attain some chances to take part in interests; from the game they can gain some beneficial things such as cooperation, communication skills and true friendship. But old uncle did think so; he believed that playing games is wasting time, and children should spend almost of time on learning. Undoubtedly, in the modern society, people who are getting high education can more easily understand and communicate their family。（感觉这个例子的举出，不能充分说明parents understand their children more）
To conclude, in the past 50 years, parents did not understand their children by lack of getting enough education and communication. However the problems will strongly reduce as parents have an increasing number of chances to get high education.

个人认为，作者的错误不多，但是也存在一些问题。本文的条理不够清晰，论证不够充分。因为是Toefl的作文，建议采用单方面的论证。

zhengping001UID: 2689322

10-15 教师是否应该获得跟doctors,lawyers,business leaders一样的收入
感觉很吃力，大家猛批啊
1.teachers should not get the same salary as doctors, lawyers, business leaders.
2.If teachers get the same salary as them it will cause some disadvantages to people as follows.
3.If teachers cannot get the same salary as them it can bring some advantages for our society as follows.



Now people in ever-expanding numbers are aware of that how much salary
teachers should receive. There is a violent controversy that some hold the position that teachers should gain the same labour income as the follows, including doctors, lawyers and business leaders, while others accept the opposite opinion. Form my point of view, the last thing I am going to strongly agree with is that teachers should not get the same labour income as them.

First of all, it is undeniable fact that science and technologies have been developing at a dramatic speed during the recent decades which inevitably results in revolutions to people's labour income. And these changes have different positive influence to affect teachers', doctors', lawyers' and business leaders' reward because they are work in different fileds or jobs. If teachers can get the same salary as others and not judge by their own capability and
contribution, it can cause an amount of disadvantages to them or others as follows. The first some teachers have the loss of enterprise in teaching field due to that they can get the same treatment as someone else. And then there is a debate that some teachers hold that they have excellent skills of teaching and should earn higher salary, it can directly affect their work and life. So it will bring some burning problems for society if they all get the same income.

Nevertheless, if they can receive their proper reward by their respective faculty and contribution it can create much beneficial things. In order to earn more money, some people can send their best labour and faculty to their job, because it bring more passion to them on works. Normally, getting higher salary in certain extent is represent success, the better people do their work, the higher labour income people have.


To sum up, science and technologies will have a slower speed to develop, if all fields lack competition as teachers get the same income as doctors, lawyers and business leaders.

beangtUID: 2691375

Now people in ever-expanding numbers are aware of that how much salary teachers should receive. There is a violent controversy that some hold the position that teachers should gain the same labour income（感觉怪怪的，还是英式拼法，去掉labour吧） as the follows, including doctors, lawyers and business leaders, while others accept the opposite opinion. Form my point of view, the last thing I am going to strongly agree with is that(好句型) teachers should not get the same labour income as them.
, o2 D& ~+ ?7 Q0 S$ X" P
. ]+ t( l& Z: M0 [First of all, it is undeniable fact that science and technologies（technology不可数） have been developing at a dramatic speed during the recent decades which inevitably results in revolutions to people's labour income. And these changes have different positive influence to affect teachers', doctors', lawyers' and business leaders' reward because they are work（working） in different fileds(fields) or jobs. If teachers can get the same salary as others and not judge(judged) by their own capability and contribution, it can cause an amount of disadvantages to them or others as follows. The first some teachers have the loss of enterprise in teaching field due to that they can get the same treatment as someone else. And then there is a debate that some teachers hold that they have excellent skills of teaching and should earn higher salary, it can directly affect their work and life. So it will bring some burning problems for society if they all get the same income.
Nevertheless, if they can receive their proper reward by their respective faculty and contribution it can create much beneficial things. In order to earn more money, some people can send their best labour and faculty to their job, because it bring(s) passion to them on works. Normally, getting higher salary in certain extent is represent success, the better people do their work, the higher labour income people have.8 d3 w4 E4 ?0 y$ I

  C: u) q) b$ A1 {0 M% b0 M# c- t" }
To sum up, science and technologies will have a slower speed to develop, if all fields lack competition as teachers get the same income as doctors, lawyers and business leaders.
结构上还可以，内容有些混乱。中间段有主题句就好了。第三段写的可能有点跑题了。批得有什么不对的地方请谅解~

beangtUID: 2691375

Now people in ever-expanding numbers are aware of that how much salary teachers should receive. There is a violent controversy that some hold the position that teachers should gain the same labour income（感觉怪怪的，还是英式拼法，去掉labour吧） as the follows, including doctors, lawyers and business leaders, while others accept the opposite opinion. Form my point of view, the last thing I am going to strongly agree with is that(好句型) teachers should not get the same labour income as them.
, o2 D& ~+ ?7 Q0 S$ X" P
. ]+ t( l& Z: M0 [First of all, it is undeniable fact that science and technologies（technology不可数） have been developing at a dramatic speed during the recent decades which inevitably results in revolutions to people's labour income. And these changes have different positive influence to affect teachers', doctors', lawyers' and business leaders' reward because they are work（working） in different fileds(fields) or jobs. If teachers can get the same salary as others and not judge(judged) by their own capability and contribution, it can cause an amount of disadvantages to them or others as follows. The first some teachers have the loss of enterprise in teaching field due to that they can get the same treatment as someone else. And then there is a debate that some teachers hold that they have excellent skills of teaching and should earn higher salary, it can directly affect their work and life. So it will bring some burning problems for society if they all get the same income.
Nevertheless, if they can receive their proper reward by their respective faculty and contribution it can create much beneficial things. In order to earn more money, some people can send their best labour and faculty to their job, because it bring(s) passion to them on works. Normally, getting higher salary in certain extent is represent success, the better people do their work, the higher labour income people have.8 d3 w4 E4 ?0 y$ I

  C: u) q) b$ A1 {0 M% b0 M# c- t" }
To sum up, science and technologies will have a slower speed to develop, if all fields lack competition as teachers get the same income as doctors, lawyers and business leaders.
结构上还可以，内容有些混乱。中间段有主题句就好了。第三段写的可能有点跑题了。批得有什么不对的地方请谅解~

我是chineseladyUID: 2662783

Now people in ever-expanding numbers are aware of that how much salary teachers should receive. 我杂不知道..There is a violent controversy that some hold the position->view that teachers should gain the same labour income as the follows, including doctors, lawyers and business leaders, while others accept the opposite opinion. Form my point of view, the last thing I am going to strongly agree with is that teachers should not get the same labour income as them.

First of all, it is undeniable fact that science and technologies have been developing at a dramatic speed during the recent decades which inevitably results in revolutions to这里比较喜欢说影响了人们的薪水 people's labour income. And these changes have different positive influence to->on affect怎么这里2个影响? teachers', doctors', lawyers' and business leaders' reward because they are work in different fileds or jobs. If teachers can get the same salary as others and not judge by their own capability and contribution, it can cause an amount of disadvantages to them or others as follows. The first some teachers have the loss of enterprise in teaching field due to that they can get the same treatment as someone else.--sorry did not understand it And then there is a debate that some teachers hold that they have excellent skills of teaching and should earn higher salary, it can directly affect their work and life. So it will bring some burning problems for society if they all get the same income. ) U,

7 j! W# x; |5 e& T
Nevertheless, if they can receive their proper reward by their respective faculty and contribution it can create much beneficial things. In order to earn more money, some people can send their best labour不知道你查么 可以用不 and faculty to their job, because it bring more passion to them on works. Normally, getting higher salary in certain extent is represent success, the better people do their work, the higher labour income people have.

To sum up, science and technologies will have a slower speed to develop, if all fields lack competition as teachers get the same income as doctors, lawyers and business leaders 字数不算很长, 有点没看完的感觉. 文章貌似没怎么围绕主题. 有语法错误

zhengping001UID: 2689322

10.19 该重视学习concepts &ideas呢，还是重视学习facts呢？
With the rapid developing of science and technology, recently people in ever-expanding number are aware of the fact that getting education and experience play a great part of people's life and work. There is a violent controversy that some believe the point that people should pay more attention on concepts or ideas of education, while others support the opposite opinion that people should spend more time and energy learning
facts or practices. Form my point of view, it is more significant to study practices or facts than to gain concepts or ideas. Detail explanations that support my point of view are as following.

Admittedly, to study theories or concepts actually has a positive importance to the developing of science and technology. It is hardly find that without the support of fundamental theories or basic concepts scientists or researchers can get advanced thought and new things. Also it has play an important role in people daily life, for example, the moral concepts or disciplines, like a guide, conduct people to manage their businesses or to deal with problems better when happened. The concepts to people's work or life is to what the bees to the flowers.

Nevertheless, all of ideas or concepts, if wanted to turn them to become ture eventually, should connect with their practices and facts. One hundred ideas are not as good as only one practice. Let us take an economic case as an example. Not long ago, as we known, almost all countries have suffered a bad financial crisis. Before the disaster a lot of economists had suggested that governments should spent more time and money to block some predicted crises. And also many excellent papers about avoiding economic crisis had appeared on some international public journals. However, if without searching and using these papers, they will be stone-broke. Basic on these practices, during the crisis our government play
series policies and projects in order to prevent the developing of financial crisis. It is an undeniable fact that our economy has recover quickly since these policies practised.


To sum up, to develop science and technology better, to improve our life and work, and to avoid making mistakes, it is worthy that people should take more a consideration on learning and using facts or practices than concepts or ideas.

joyceliuUID: 2477232

Withthe rapid developing of science and technology, recently people inever-expanding number are aware of the fact that getting education andexperience play a great part of people's life and work. There is aviolent controversy that some believe the point that people should paymore attention on concepts or ideas of education（去掉）, while others supportthe opposite opinion that people should spend more time and energylearning
  facts or practices. Form my point of view, it is more significant to study practices or facts than to gain concepts or ideas. Detail explanations that support my point of view are as following. : k& P" K+ C* u( }1 X$ k1 o

Admittedly,to study theories or concepts actually has a positive importance to thedeveloping of science and technology. It is hardly find that withoutthe support of fundamental theories or basic concepts scientists orresearchers can get advanced thought and new things. Also it has playan important role in people's daily life, for example, the moral conceptsor disciplines, like a guide, conduct people to manage their businessesor to deal with problems better when happened. The concepts to people'swork or life is to(just like) what the bees to the flowers. & S+ ?) w8 F. r  V/ h- V  O
5 x5 E$ t! L  e$ c: y0 B
Nevertheless,all of ideas or concepts, if wanted to turn them to become tureeventually, should connect with their practices and facts. One hundredideas are not as good as only one practice. Let us take an economiccase as an example. Not long ago, as we known, almost all countrieshave suffered a bad(global) financial crisis. Before the disaster a lot ofeconomists had suggested that governments should spent more time andmoney to block(prevent) some predicted crises. And also many excellent papersabout avoiding economic crisis had appeared on some internationalpublic journals. However, if without searching and using these papers,they will be stone-broke. Basic on these practices, during the crisisour government play(regulate)
Mseriespolicies and projects in order to prevent the developing of financialcrisis. It is an undeniable fact that our economy has recover quicklysince these policies practised.  e' _. ^1 L, p- B7 w3 c$ \
% I+ Z. D9 @( d/ q
% h1 z. t3 y* C9 L, Y6 k. m& G) z
Tosum up, to develop science and technology better, to improve our lifeand work, and to avoid making mistakes, it is worthy that people shouldtake more a consideration on learning and using facts or practices thanconcepts or ideas

joyceliuUID: 2477232

问题比较多（个人意见）：首先，practice和fact一样么？为什么自然而然就把二者等同了。其次，感觉论证安排也不很好啊，第一段让步，之后就只说了一段，力度不够啊。最后，建议语言在雕琢一下吧

LRXSSUID: 2695903

With the rapid developing development of science and technology, recently 这个 貌似提到前面好些  people in ever-expanding number are aware of the fact that getting education and experience play a great part of on people's life and work. There is a violent controversy that some believe the point that people should pay more attention on concepts or ideas of education, while others support the opposite opinion that people should spend more time and energy learning- ^, \$ K) K$ F" h$ j3 W# S& l# xfacts or practices. Form in my point of view, it is more significant to study practices or facts than to gain concepts or ideas. Detail explanations that support my point of view are as following.

感觉开头有点长

C# t6 f
Admittedly, to study theories or concepts actually has a positive importance to the developing of science and technology. It is hardly find that 语法 without the support of fundamental theories or basic concepts scientists or researchers can get advanced thought and new things. Also it has play an important role in people daily life, for example, the moral concepts or disciplines, like a guide, conduct people to manage their businesses or to deal with problems better when happened. The concepts to people's work or life is to what the bees to the flowers. ' }8 J3 I% O+ a9 h# m% L
3 V% x  E# J' j
Nevertheless, all of ideas or concepts, if wanted to turn them to become ture eventually, should connect with their practices and facts. One hundred ideas are not as good as only one practice. 感觉过了 Let us take an economic case as an example. Not long ago, as we known, almost all countries have suffered a bad financial crisis. Before the disaster a lot of economists had suggested that governments should spent more time and money to block some predicted crises. And also many excellent papers about avoiding economic crisis had appeared on some international public journals. However, if without searching and using these papers, they will be stone-broke. Basic on these practices, during the crisis our government play$ M& q( c+ x  ?8 B2 l& t
series policies and projects in order to prevent the developing of financial crisis. It is an undeniable fact that our economy has recover quickly since these policies practised.% @$ p9 o+ \& k) j( e1 m7 p) N, K

, [0 k3 s3 Y9 @# o6 t* p) `' w
3 O  U7 w- g. n) P6 n( e* R' BTo sum up, to develop science and technology better, to improve our life and work, and to avoid making mistakes, it is worthy that people should take more a consideration on learning and using facts or practices than concepts or ideas.! Y, w" J



语法错误比较多   加油！&