修改铺（要关门儿了哈）——BY 都说了不是又八

都说了不是又八UID: 2728357

【再修改一下儿……】

嗯……累了，所以从今天起最后修改两天啦。16日，17日。已经被站短过的同学一定会等到自己的作文，别的同学就抱歉了。

届时会通知作文版斑竹~沉掉这个铺子。
多谢大伙儿这么长时间的涌入哈~认识了好多人，也从大家的习作中学到了很多东西。






【我来插一段儿…………鉴于昨晚上一晚上跑进来了太多作文，所以还是改制度吧= =

别的制度都不变，昨天晚上发来作文的也会改，只是速度一定会慢不少，你们等PM就好了。

只不过从现在开始，每天最多改一篇，这个时间段里发来的文章随机啦。抱歉各位。】





好各位～为了把自己绑在论坛事务和学习上头，也为了赢得白花花的人品，特此开一个修改铺的帖子。

从今天（2009-12-19）开始，每天晚上【九点到十二点】之间在这里留下链接，PM，或者是直接贴文的同学，都会在【两天之内】在【这篇帖子的楼下】得到修改之后的文章。【即使正在刷夜做第二天不交就会被砍头的作业，也会优先改完这儿的帖子。】

希望能够一直冲到自己四月下旬的GRE考试为止。



当然，嘴比较毒，请各位多担待一点。

qxn_1987UID: 2610437

那先贴一下我的吧（可能写的比较恶心，楼主海涵），辛苦啦~谢谢！！

Argument143--The following appeared as a letter to the editor of a national newspaper.

"Your recent article on corporate downsizing* in the United States is misleading. The article gives the mistaken impression that many competent workers who lost jobs as a result of downsizing face serious economic hardship, often for years, before finding other suitable employment. But this impression is contradicted by a recent report on the United States economy, which found that since 1992 far more jobs have been created than have been eliminated. The report also demonstrates that many of those who lost their jobs have found new employment. Two-thirds of the newly created jobs have been in industries that tend to pay above-average wages, and the vast majority of these jobs are full-time."



In this letter the editor of a national paper disagrees with a certain article claim that many competent workers who lost jobs as a result of downsizing face serious economic hardship, often for years, before finding other suitable employment. To support this disagreement, the editor cites the following findings about a recent report: (1) far more jobs have been created than have been eliminated; (2)many of those who lost their jobs have found new employment; (3) two thirds of the newly created jobs have been in industries that tend to pay above-average wages, and vast majority of these jobs are full-time. Close scrutiny of each of these findings, however, reveals that none of them lend credible supports to the editor’s claim.

First, although more jobs have been created, it does not necessarily indicate that those jobs meet the demand of downsized job seekers, or those jobs were taken by downsized job seekers. For example, perhaps those jobs involve cleaning, food serving, and other jobs requiring a low level of skill and experience. At the same time, those competent downsized job seekers who are highly educated want to find some decent jobs demand some skills and experience. Even though those created jobs meet the demand of downsized job seekers, it also does not necessarily indicate those jobs were taken by them. Perhaps those jobs were taken by other high-educated graduates or more skilled artificers instead of downsized job seekers. In short, lacking evidence that those created jobs meet the demand of downsized job seekers and those jobs were taken by them, the editor cannnot convincingly refute the article’s claim.

Second, those who lost their old jobs but have found new employment is not necessary the people who were downsized by coporate. Perhaps those people lost their jobs because, instead of downsized by company, their original companies have gone bankrupt, or perhaps they gave up their job voluntarily. Even though we assume that those have found new employment were downsized job seekers, the editor’s disagreement is still unconvincing, while the editor just use the term “many” instead of providing the percentage of downsized employees who have found new jobs. Maybe “many” just amouts to a very small part of total downsized employees, if so, it accomplished nothing toward bolstering the editor’s disagreement with the article’s claim.

Third, although two thirds of newly created jobs tend to pay above-average wages and most of these jobs are full-time, it is entirly possible that these jobs don’t meet the demand of downsized job seekers, to the contary, these people still have no job, or take jobs below-average wages(one third of total new jobs). Even though, two thirds of newly created jobs are taken by downsized employees, it does not rule out the possibility that they have suffered serious economic hardship before finding other suitable employments.

In sum, the editor’s disagreement is logically flawed in several respects. To more effectively refute the claim the editor should provide more information about the research, such as the percentage of downsized employees who have found new jobs, whether created jobs meet the demand of downsized job seekers, or whether it were them, downsized job seekers, have taken the jobs.

都说了不是又八UID: 2728357

2# qxn_1987



嘛，虽然您的文章不是在规定时间内发的，不过既然是头一个支持的哈～

嘴比较狠，请多担待。

第一句话：请先在WORD中将拼写错误改好。



Argument143--The following appeared as a letter to the editor of a national newspaper.

"Your recent article on corporate downsizing* in the United States is misleading. The article gives the mistaken impression that many competent workers who lost jobs as a result of downsizing face serious economic hardship, often for years, before finding other suitable employment. But this impression is contradicted by a recent report on the United States economy, which found that since 1992 far more jobs have been created than have been eliminated. The report also demonstrates that many of those who lost their jobs have found new employment. Two-thirds of the newly created jobs have been in industries that tend to pay above-average wages, and the vast majority of these jobs are full-time."


In this letter the editor of (the) national paper disagrees with a certain article claim（certain article表意不明。） that many competent workers who lost jobs as a result of downsizing face serious economic hardship, often for years, before finding other suitable employment.（这里将原文照抄下来了。如果这个是限时作文的产物还好，但是也要早晚戒掉。不能一直拄着拐杖走路哈。如果不是限时作文，那么请替换。） To support this disagreement, the editor cites the following findings about a recent report: (1) far more jobs have been created than have been eliminated; (2) many of those who lost their jobs have found new employment; (3) two thirds of the newly created jobs have been in industries that tend to pay above-average wages, and vast majority of these jobs are full-time.（仔细一看，这里同样适用非常难看的手法，将原文基本重抄了一遍，只是将分号改成了一二三而已。如果这样，与其在前面浪费这么多键盘敲击的啪啪声，不如将文章中间丰满一下。）（另：如果不是简单罗列，提出原文中三条的【逻辑关系】也好。然而您根本没给。） Close scrutiny of each of these findings, however, reveals that none of them lend credible supports to the editor’s claim.（CLOSE SCRUTINY这句话，将近二十字，没有信息量）




First, although more jobs have been created, it does not necessarily indicate that those jobs meet the demand of downsized job seekers, or those jobs were taken by downsized job seekers.（第一点攻击得比较奇怪——政府在极力扩大剩余工作的缺口，但是这些已经遇到困难的人们却都一样一样地死活不去就业。那么这些剩余工作究竟是让谁来担任了呢？攻击的点有点儿歪。） For example, perhaps those jobs involve cleaning, food serving, and other jobs requiring a low level of skill and experience. At the same time, those competent downsized job seekers who are highly educated want to find some decent jobs demand some skills and experience. （实话说，没理解QXN的分析意图。你一直在说【水准不合】就是人们得不到工作的关键。但是这句话意义真的不大。你在说：这个社会上有一些人，是不碰到合适的工作就不会去就业的——但是这与你的TS有什么关系？话并没有说到位）Even though those created jobs meet the demand of downsized job seekers, it also does not necessarily indicate those jobs were taken by them. Perhaps those jobs were taken by other high-educated graduates or more skilled artificers instead of downsized job seekers. In short, lacking evidence that those created jobs meet the demand of downsized job seekers and those jobs were taken by them, the editor cannot convincingly refute the article’s claim.

Second, those who lost their old jobs but have found new employment is not necessary the people who were downsized by coporate（错的词不给你改了哈。句子语法错误就不说了）. Perhaps those people lost their jobs because, instead of downsized by company, their original companies have gone bankrupt, or perhaps they gave up their job voluntarily. Even though we assume that those have found new employment were downsized job seekers, the editor’s disagreement is still unconvincing, while the editor just use the term “many” instead of providing the percentage of downsized employees who have found new jobs. Maybe “many” just amouts to a very small part of total downsized employees, if so, it accomplished nothing toward bolstering the editor’s disagreement with the article’s claim.

Third, although two thirds of newly created jobs tend to pay above-average wages and most of these jobs are full-time, it is entirly possible that these jobs don’t meet the demand of downsized job seekers（这不就是第一段论述的问题吗。车轱辘话归车轱辘话，连词儿都没换，还是没有MEET THE DEMAND。） to the contary, these people still have no job, or take jobs below-average wages(one third of total new jobs). （为什么？不能说明白吗？）Even though, two thirds of newly created jobs are taken by downsized employees, it does not rule out the possibility that they have suffered serious economic hardship before finding other suitable employments.（这又是为什么？为啥不RULE OUT？）
（中间这几段很灾难。完全没有读懂您起笔的意图。以THIRD这一段为例，【假设原文中说的话是：A,B,C，而你的行文结构就是虽然A，但是可能非B。即使B，也不能C。而且基本没有提供任何证据，也没有将ABC说明白。】全都套路化了，我只忍心看了第三段，结果没有发现有哪怕是一丁点儿的有效信息量。

【整个文章差不多就是在变着法子把题面儿抄一遍。】都已经说到这个份儿上了，也不用再说什么了吧。没有逻辑的文章也好，没有文采的文章也好，但是整个文章都在叙述原文，而且不明不白。



In sum, the editor’s disagreement is logically flawed in several respects. To more effectively refute the claim the editor should provide more information about the research, such as the percentage of downsized employees who have found new jobs, whether created jobs meet the demand of downsized job seekers, or whether it were them, downsized job seekers, have taken the jobs.
（结尾，不得不说太模板了。解决方法固然重要，但是在最后一段中，个人认为最应该体现的东西，应该是这篇文章的【有用性】。如何让自己的文章显得OUTSTANDING？请自己好好想想）

建议：
从刚开始大段大段的抄原文中，某种程度上我读到了你的文字的贫乏。

办法很简单。新概念四，加上霁月难逢每天的新闻，背下来。真刀真枪地背上一个小时，即使只背下来一段，也比拿着笔翻译了全篇社评来得有效。没有输入，上哪里找输出。



从一二三列举，之后一一攻击，每一段之间都很孤立这种写法上看，是不是您觉得A就是一个将题面当成一个N分的文科高考大题，文中有N个错误，每个问题只要说到了一些就可以给1/N分，拼在一起刚好答完呢？为此，请尝试一下：自己写的ARGUMENT，如果将中间的几段段落顺序调换一下，看看能不能还是一篇完整的作文。
逻辑，绝不仅仅是TRANSITION WORDS 而已。实话说，你的文章我费了很久，但是由于逻辑导向太乱，让人简直无法继续读下去。


虽然是免费的修改铺，但是请认真一点。开头看到WORD中一片红字儿的时候，真的是欲哭无泪呀。

qxn_1987UID: 2610437

3# 都说了不是又八

首先，给您带来这么多不便，真的很抱歉！！电脑WORD没有查拼写功能，我会赶紧重新装一个（绝对没有不尊重楼主的意思，现在装的WORD没有这个功能，其实我自己看了好久才贴的，果然还是不行，很抱歉啊！！）

其次，非常感谢楼主的辛苦修改，我会认真学习，谢谢楼主！！

再次感谢！！

都说了不是又八UID: 2728357

4# qxn_1987

呃，不是啦，也没啥别的意思……都不好意思了……

fancywwUID: 2583671

那就辛苦lz了 reborn组海选阶段的issue13  都没人给我改 这就贴过来了哈


ISSUE13
Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct.

During the process of colonialism and globalization, some inferior languages are overwhelmed by dominant languages like English, and become endangered or even vanish. Some people maintains this phenomenon as natural, or even claim that fewer languages means better communication. However, such endangered languages actually carry unique cultural heritage, and their governments should take actions.

Every language has the value and reason to exist, because it carries distinctive human culture. Every group of people has adapted to unique circumstances,and their language expresses those circumstances. What we talk about, think, and believe is closely bound up with the words we have. So it is not exaggerated to say that the history of a culture can be mapped in its language. For example, the Russian word "mir" has three discrete meanings today:"commune, world, peace". There was a point in Russian history when most of the population lived in communes all their lives so that a commune was a Russian's world so long as they were at peace. If more and more languages become endangered, millions of unique cultural stories like this are at risk; the history tied up in a language will go unrecorded; the poetry and rhythm of a singular tongue will be silenced forever. While a language dies, the culture heritage will disappear, and the community which uses the language may lose its identity, which uproots the entire community in the end.

Since different languages express human's distinctive ways of perceiving the world, they can provide the linguistics and philosophers with valuable resources to study human minds and thoughts. Let's take the study of universal grammar as an example. The scientific search for the common starting point for all grammars that human children seem to be born with, depends on our knowing what all human languages have in common. The large number loss of languages that we face today will greatly restrict how much we can learn about human cognition, language, and language acquisition. That means people from other cultures are also impoverished when any language dies.

Still, some may argue that the extinction of all but a few major languages is inexorable; and the governments should consider the cost the do so. Admittedly, in the past, many languages vanished, because its speakers died out in natural disasters, wars, or diseases. This is a natural trend and their governments disappeared with them. We can do nothing about that. However, nowadays most languages die for the culture mesh and invasion. In this case, comparing the lose of language distinction with the efforts taken to save the language, any sightful government can do the math. Besides, even though some linguistics and organizations are now starting to study and preserve the endangered languages, their ability is limited and such undertaking requires the involvement of the government.  

When an endangered animal goes extinct, the world loses a unique part of our global ecosystem. When an endangered language dies, we lose cultural identities and the richness and diversity of humanity's culture heritage. It is not only affect the native speakers, but also endanger the whole human beings. The government facing such dilemma has the obligation to take actions.

都说了不是又八UID: 2728357

6# fancyww

恩，收到了，别着急哈。

明天给你。

qxn_1987UID: 2610437

5# 都说了不是又八

恩，呵，非常感谢！！还有你的建议非常好，打算执行，谢谢！！呵。。

都说了不是又八UID: 2728357

6# fancyww


ISSUE13
Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct.

During the process of colonialism and globalization, some inferior languages are overwhelmed by dominant languages like English, and become endangered or even （vanished）. Some people maintains this phenomenon as natural, or even claim that fewer languages means better communication. However, such endangered languages actually carry unique cultural heritage, and their governments should take actions.
（起笔比较干净。只不过，如果能够突出一点您的个人特色就最好了。因为这一个题目很容易就写得千人一面，能在起笔中占先最好。）

Every language has the value and reason to exist, because it carries distinctive human culture.（第一点打culture是么。） Every group of people has adapted to unique circumstances,and their language expresses those circumstances. What we talk about, think, and believe is closely bound up with the words we have. So it is not exaggerated to say that the history of a culture can be mapped in its language. For example, the Russian word "mir" has three discrete meanings today:"commune, world, peace". There was a point in Russian history when most of the population lived in communes all their lives so that a commune was a Russian's world so long as they were at peace.（这句话说得不够舒服。） If more and more languages become endangered, millions of unique cultural stories like this are at risk;（所以呢？有什么大不了的？） the history tied up （to） a language will go unrecorded;（那又怎样？人类的历史到底有啥作用，美国一共两百年历史结果还挺兴盛的，日本的书面历史从七世纪才开始但是不是挺好的么，等等。虽然我的反驳也没啥道理，但是能够让人问出这样的问题还是稍微有点儿令人遗憾。） the poetry and rhythm of a singular tongue will be silenced forever. While a language dies, the culture heritage will disappear, and the community which uses the language may lose its identity, which uproots the entire community in the end.
总的来看这一段，语言比较精到，有的词儿还用得很不错，比如MAPPED之类的词。
但是很无奈——文化这一点很大。虽然你的例子比较好（如果俄语是你的二外，那么就更令人膜拜了。但是这个例子是不是某本语言学概论里头的？弱问。），语言也没有大问题，但是这一段谋篇上出现了考场作文的通病——在最后登场的大头儿没能展开。

详细说来，identity民族身份问题到底重要在哪里？前面说得挺好的，但是到最后一句话突然就变成空话大话：什么民族的根会丢呀，丢就丢呗，经济发展才是硬道理，丢点儿一千多年之前合辙押韵的破词儿跟我们蒸蒸日上的国民经济丝毫没有冲突呀；而且中华文化博大精深，孔子学院遍地开花，花那么大力气保护一点儿乱糟糟的小东西有啥意义呀？等等，没能说清到底这意义有多重大。

Since different languages express human's distinctive ways of perceiving the world, they can provide the linguistics and philosophers with valuable resources to study human minds and thoughts.（语言学和哲学两个好玩儿的学科。这一段某种程度上是上一段的细化了哈。） Let's take the study of universal grammar as an example.（嗯，看到UNIVERSAL GRAMMAR觉得很亲切。你是搞语言学的呀。） The scientific search for the common starting point for all grammars that human children seem to be born with, depends on our knowing what all human languages have in common. The large number loss（囧 CHINGLISH的痕迹） of languages that we face today will greatly restrict how much we can learn about human cognition, language, and language acquisition.（目前为止说得都比较有道理） That means people from other cultures are also impoverished when any language dies.（但是怎么就蹦出这么一句！！！经济和文化的联系我们都没看到，结果丢掉语言的朋友们直接就IMPOVERISH了。和上一段是一样的问题——隔靴搔痒。重要的问题未曾谈到。而且举的例子渐渐进入专业的小圈子，渐渐不大贴切了。第一段还是说整个文化的大问题，第二段就变成论述哲学家和语言学者的研究材料——果然也就是这一点儿学术价值了是么～恩？）

Still, some may argue that the extinction of all but a few major languages is inexorable; and the governments should consider the cost （theY） do so. Admittedly, in the past, many languages vanished, because its speakers died out in natural disasters, wars, or diseases.（未必哈。可能他们就是不说了。） This is a natural trend and their governments disappeared with them.（我想到了北魏政府所做的种种努力= =不大严密。） We can do nothing about that.（THAT要说清楚。） However, nowadays most languages die for the culture mesh and invasion. In this case, comparing the （losS） of language distinction with the efforts taken to save the language, any sightful government can do the math. Besides, even though some linguistics and organizations are now starting to study and preserve the endangered languages, their ability is limited and such undertaking requires the involvement of the government.  （三段都出现了类似的毛病。大头在后头，没有展开，等待论述。政府的作用在哪里？为什么光靠学术界整理濒危语言力量不足？我们在这一段中稍微看到一点文化侵略的影子，但是文化侵略与语言的具体关系还是没有说得让我们觉得危机四伏。语言要再有一点儿力量就好了。）
（而且这里您的观点还是被ISSUE的题目牵着走。ISSUE里头设题可以尽量大胆。目前为止，everything is mildly proceeding in ur article. 没有非常漂亮的论述点。

如果你确实是学语言学的，那么应该听过潘文国先生在08年出了一本《危机下的中文》。中国的语言保护本身就有着偌大问题：将少数民族的濒危语言活生生弄若干保护计划，将活的语言变成死的标本放在书斋里研究，而在实际面向大众的语言政策上政府官方其实采取的是灭据方言的不人道政策。虽然有很多强势方言借着市场的东风暂时占据了一席之地，然而我们有多少方言就是这样活生生被压抑致死了呢。您刚才口口声声说这个语言保护呀，能给你们提供大量的死标本。哈哈确实如此。但是您是不是已经被推上体制的道路，而根本没有思考语言究竟有什么用处呢。在全篇中我寻找着您对语言真正作用的思考，却没有发现任何有闪光点之处。（当然，考场上嘛，有啥办法呢。是吧。）


呵呵，如果您不是学语言学的，或者压根就是我弄错了，那就当我嘛都没说哈。

When an endangered animal goes extinct, the world loses a unique part of our global ecosystem. When an endangered language dies, we lose cultural identities and the richness and diversity of humanity's culture heritage. It is not only affect the native speakers, but also endanger the whole human beings. The government facing such dilemma has the obligation to take actions.
结尾么，不用我说啥了吧。看了上面几段的东西，希望您能够想想如何不被ISSUE题目牵着走，拿出石破天惊的写作角度来最好了。

= =是不是说多了一点儿…………

fancywwUID: 2583671

谢谢你的修改，指出了很多问题。怎样写出一个“石破惊天”的角度，的确是个问题，在一个话题面前，很容易就走上大多数人选择的路。
可能是由于我读的文章比较少吧，我还真的没有看到过一篇issue在角度上让我一拍桌子，激动不已地说：“我怎么没想到呢，太独到了。”如果lz有这样的习作，或在什么地方看到过的话，请一定推荐给我学习。

下面有些地方有疑问，不是质疑，是诚心请教哈，lz别误会。^_^

During the process of colonialism and globalization, some inferior languages are overwhelmed by dominant languages like English, and become endangered or even （vanished）. Some people maintains this phenomenon as natural, or even claim that fewer languages means better communication. However, such endangered languages actually carry unique cultural heritage, and their governments should take actions.
（起笔比较干净。只不过，如果能够突出一点您的个人特色就最好了。因为这一个题目很容易就写得千人一面，能在起笔中占先最好。）
嗯。。。比较千人一面的开头的确是个问题呀，lz有没有见到过有特色开头，也给我学习一下吧。

Every language has the value and reason to exist, because it carries distinctive human culture.（第一点打culture是么。） Every group of people has adapted to unique circumstances,and their language expresses those circumstances. What we talk about, think, and believe is closely bound up with the words we have. So it is not exaggerated to say that the history of a culture can be mapped in its language. For example, the Russian word "mir" has three discrete meanings today:"commune, world, peace". There was a point in Russian history when most of the population lived in communes all their lives so that a commune was a Russian's world so long as they were at peace.（这句话说得不够舒服。老实说这句话是从网上copy的，当时就觉得这话特地道。） If more and more languages become endangered, millions of unique cultural stories like this are at risk;（所以呢？有什么大不了的？） the history tied up （to） a language will go unrecorded;（那又怎样？人类的历史到底有啥作用，美国一共两百年历史结果还挺兴盛的，日本的书面历史从七世纪才开始但是不是挺好的么，等等。虽然我的反驳也没啥道理，但是能够让人问出这样的问题还是稍微有点儿令人遗憾。额。。。历史的作用，这又是一个issue题目了吧） the poetry and rhythm of a singular tongue will be silenced forever. While a language dies, the culture heritage will disappear, and the community which uses the language may lose its identity, which uproots the entire community in the end.
总的来看这一段，语言比较精到，有的词儿还用得很不错，比如MAPPED之类的词。
但是很无奈——文化这一点很大。虽然你的例子比较好（如果俄语是你的二外，那么就更令人膜拜了。但是这个例子是不是某本语言学概论里头的？弱问。），语言也没有大问题，但是这一段谋篇上出现了考场作文的通病——在最后登场的大头儿没能展开。
（嗯，我写文章确实比较慢热，喜欢把道理铺垫好再说。）
（另外，lz是什么专业的呢？要说清楚语言和民族身份问题，可就不是五六百词的问题，至少我没到那水平。）

详细说来，identity民族身份问题到底重要在哪里？前面说得挺好的，但是到最后一句话突然就变成空话大话：什么民族的根会丢呀，丢就丢呗，经济发展才是硬道理，丢点儿一千多年之前合辙押韵的破词儿跟我们蒸蒸日上的国民经济丝毫没有冲突呀；而且中华文化博大精深，孔子学院遍地开花，花那么大力气保护一点儿乱糟糟的小东西有啥意义呀？等等，没能说清到底这意义有多重大。

Since different languages express human's distinctive ways of perceiving the world, they can provide the linguistics and philosophers with valuable resources to study human minds and thoughts.（语言学和哲学两个好玩儿的学科。这一段某种程度上是上一段的细化了哈。） Let's take the study of universal grammar as an example.（嗯，看到UNIVERSAL GRAMMAR觉得很亲切。你是搞语言学的呀。） The scientific search for the common starting point for all grammars that human children seem to be born with, depends on our knowing what all human languages have in common. The large number loss（囧 CHINGLISH的痕迹 额。。这个怎么表达好呢？ 请教。。。） of languages that we face today will greatly restrict how much we can learn about human cognition, language, and language acquisition.（目前为止说得都比较有道理） That means people from other cultures are also impoverished when any language dies.（但是怎么就蹦出这么一句！！！经济和文化的联系我们都没看到，结果丢掉语言的朋友们直接就IMPOVERISH了。和上一段是一样的问题——隔靴搔痒。重要的问题未曾谈到。而且举的例子渐渐进入专业的小圈子，渐渐不大贴切了。第一段还是说整个文化的大问题，第二段就变成论述哲学家和语言学者的研究材料——果然也就是这一点儿学术价值了是么～恩？）（语言消失了对universal grammar的研究有影响嘛，u g的研究对全人类来讲都是有意义的嘛，所以来自其文化圈的人，即使不是说这个语言的，也会impoverished嘛。不过lz你可别跟我扯什么“非洲还有多少亿难民，饭都吃不上，哪还管universal grammar”之类的）
（另外，issue举例不能举跟专业沾边的么？）

Still, some may argue that the extinction of all but a few major languages is inexorable; and the governments should consider the cost （theY） do so. Admittedly, in the past, many languages vanished, because its speakers died out in natural disasters, wars, or diseases.（未必哈。可能他们就是不说了。） This is a natural trend and their governments disappeared with them.（我想到了北魏政府所做的种种努力= =不大严密。）（小白一下，北魏政府的什么努力呀？） We can do nothing about that.（THAT要说清楚。） However, nowadays most languages die for the culture mesh and invasion. In this case, comparing the （losS） of language distinction with the efforts taken to save the language, any sightful government can do the math. Besides, even though some linguistics and organizations are now starting to study and preserve the endangered languages, their ability is limited and such undertaking requires the involvement of the government.  （三段都出现了类似的毛病。大头在后头，没有展开，等待论述。政府的作用在哪里？为什么光靠学术界整理濒危语言力量不足？我们在这一段中稍微看到一点文化侵略的影子，但是文化侵略与语言的具体关系还是没有说得让我们觉得危机四伏。语言要再有一点儿力量就好了。）
（而且这里您的观点还是被ISSUE的题目牵着走。ISSUE里头设题可以尽量大胆。目前为止，everything is mildly proceeding in ur article. 没有非常漂亮的论述点。（这个所谓漂亮的论点，lz可以就这个issue给举个例子吗？此外，不被issue牵着鼻子走，那又是怎样一种状态呢？是不是没有所谓的跑题呢？）

如果你确实是学语言学的，那么应该听过潘文国先生在08年出了一本《危机下的中文》。中国的语言保护本身就有着偌大问题：将少数民族的濒危语言活生生弄若干保护计划，将活的语言变成死的标本放在书斋里研究，而在实际面向大众的语言政策上政府官方其实采取的是灭据方言的不人道政策。虽然有很多强势方言借着市场的东风暂时占据了一席之地，然而我们有多少方言就是这样活生生被压抑致死了呢。您刚才口口声声说这个语言保护呀，能给你们提供大量的死标本。哈哈确实如此。但是您是不是已经被推上体制的道路，而根本没有思考语言究竟有什么用处呢。在全篇中我寻找着您对语言真正作用的思考，却没有发现任何有闪光点之处。（当然，考场上嘛，有啥办法呢。是吧。）（额，这个说得有点……恐怕我思考了lz要说我拽专业知识了）

我是学汉语言文学的，语言学方向，没听过那本书。

呵呵，如果您不是学语言学的，或者压根就是我弄错了，那就当我嘛都没说哈。

When an endangered animal goes extinct, the world loses a unique part of our global ecosystem. When an endangered language dies, we lose cultural identities and the richness and diversity of humanity's culture heritage. It is not only affect the native speakers, but also endanger the whole human beings. The government facing such dilemma has the obligation to take actions.
结尾么，不用我说啥了吧。看了上面几段的东西，希望您能够想想如何不被ISSUE题目牵着走，拿出石破天惊的写作角度来最好了。

= =是不是说多了一点儿…………
不多不多，越多越好。确实写得比较空。

这个可以组织一个辩论赛的issue，有没有写得比较好的呢？至少我看了几篇reborn小组的，我都觉得泛泛。

都说了不是又八UID: 2728357

10# fancyww


嗯非常抱歉，现在回来刚刚看到您的回复。
特色的文章我看过的也不是很多，但是当时翻译AWINTRO的时候对两篇六分文章印象非常深刻，所以自己背着玩儿来着。以6分A的开头为例，看到题目的时候开始我也是想像平时写别的文章一样一点一点打下来，没想到头一段人家就把【重要性】强调得非常漂亮。详细可以自己过去体会下哈。


其实我们是一个专业。请给我站短一下，互相报一下学校、专业方向和年级好了～寄托版里碰到中文的同学不容易呀。
另：慢热的文章可能是蛮吃亏的。老外的思维是从小到大的，比如地址就是这样写：xx po.box然后到街到区到市到省到国。而在您的文章中多少能够感觉到您的思维并不是这样走的——这样在因果的说明上也好，在具体的例证和叙述上也好，都会出现一些别扭的表述。

下面的LARGE NUMBER LOSS改成MASSIVE LOSS或者类似的好多词都好呀。

嘛，语言学的价值自己还多少知道一点，毕竟高中时候看过一点书，现在也有类似的课嘛。
问题在于重点与态度。UG的研究在全球范围内都渐渐走进了死胡同，这个在中国尤其能够看出来。满足于定性定量的语言范本分析，语言学的研究渐渐囿于象牙塔之中，却对现今泛滥于研究机构之外的种种语言现象视而不见。不得不说语言学这种最应该站在社会前沿的学科，却越来越缺乏直接的社会意义了，起码进入新世纪后这种趋势我们无法否认。相关的观点在朱竞先生和潘文国先生的著作中都多少有所体现。
那么关于这个题目我们可以这样破一下不知道可不可以：

ISSUE13
Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct.

目前政府（尤其是咱们的哈）热衷于将一门门活生生的语言从民族的活化交流环境中抽离，接着把它们变成死的标本。这种南辕北辙的ACTION TO PREVENT SUCH LANGUAGES FROM BECOMING EXTINCT只会变相加速弱势语言在弱势群体中的灭绝，只会留下许许多多干巴巴的实验材料。如果真的要促进一门语言的存活，起码在传媒、印刷、教育、公共空间中要给这些弱势的地方语言以空间。东北赵家班每年都能上春晚，渐渐的我们就能看到东北话的崛起，很多南方的孩子们受影响都很大。但是大部分语言连起码的生存空间都没有，那不就是坐以待毙么。嘛，这只是随便说说而已。

北魏政府……拓跋宏哥呀，废掉了胡语，主动放弃自己民族的语言，这算是比较少见的向先进文化急速靠近的例子吧。
其实文章我也不是看得很多，但是6分A给的震撼确实很大，其实挺好的。
潘文国还是国内比较老资格的研究者，这本书言辞比较激愤，也引起了比较热烈的讨论。光看序言就是一副风萧萧易水寒的架势。如果搜一下的话，还是写得蛮有意思的。

另：reborn小组的写得泛泛是很正常的，要不然大家都直接报十二月考试去了，干啥还等明年春天哈。

再另：通过REBORN海选了吗？没在Q群中看到你呀。

fancywwUID: 2583671

海选过了 忘了给草木pm了 不知道建了群 才加入

你的意思是，重点在探讨government protect的方式上面是吧，很多政府不能合理地去protect。

另外你学日语吗~

都说了不是又八UID: 2728357

12# fancyww

= =

看了你的Q空间了……LIFE IS LIKE A BOAT,HUH.
看来你看过不少漫画儿嘛，挺好的……

自学。

yxwang1988UID: 2735195

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1045457&extra=page%3D1%26amp;filter%3Dtype%26amp;typeid%3D101
帮我看一下吧大哥，谢谢啦

都说了不是又八UID: 2728357

14# yxwang1988


收到了哈，明天晚上十二点之前查一下就OK。