修改铺（要关门儿了哈）——BY 都说了不是又八

xiaxiaobing919UID: 2606450

28# 都说了不是又八

楼主啊，我马上就考了，还有10来天了，给点意见啊

chaliaUID: 2589767

处女作  issue130  

希望lz帮忙改改.非常感谢拉~!!

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."


孩子融入社会的能力决定了社会的命运。遗憾的是，我们还不知道怎样培养孩子使他们对社会有益  (处女作,未计时,565字)


How can we build a more prosperous, more beautiful and more harmonious society has always been a common question during the process in which the human being yearning for a better life. Ultimately the determined factor of the destiny of society becomes the count for much issue. According to the title statement the society's destiny assorts with how children are socialized and we have not yet learned how to raise children who can better our society. While I agree that children are the future of our society, I insist we have already gained the ability to cultivate children who can build a better society.

"Youth is rich, nation is rich; youth is strong, nation is strong", noted Qichao Liang, a leading ideologist of Qing Dynasty and a pioneer in the reformation of China's society. When it comes to the youth, the childhood is the most critical process that the youth cannot escape from and avoid. Accordingly, in the history of human race civilization, neither the archon nor ordinary people would have distracted their attention from the education of children.

Furthermore, socialized education nowadays has become a crucial part in children education. At present, the trends towards a multi-polar world and economic globalization are developing in greater depth, hence whether a country can maintain its competitive edge and leading position in the international market depends very much on the ability of human communication, teamwork and cooperation. For example, the rising complexity of scientific research is now imperatively demanding persons with good cooperative skills, which can ensure that international involvement moves to more organized and better-planned structures. Besides scientific research, protection of environment, research of public health and worldwide economic and trade cooperation also place high expectations and demands for well-socialized people. In other words, the development speed and direction of our society will face a serious threat unless the younger generation of our society has such socialized skills. Therefore, development and cultivation of personal contact and group dynamics that shape children’s characteristic has a great impact on improvement and progress of the society.

Consider the speaker's claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.This criticism on the education system or the parents gives us a sense of nitpicking. Doubtless, the current education system is far from perfect and has lots of defects. But the arguer seems to ignore a fact that, in the thousands of years of the near history, human has successfully built a better world and this trend will surely last in the future. Our ancestors have given us their knowledge and experience base on which we create, or improve, in a more precise word, a better world than theirs. In this point of view, we can proudly declare that we have already learned how to raise children to bring about a “better” society rather than a “best” one.

To sum up, it is true that the way we socialize children today would determine the destiny of society but the assertion that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can better our society might neglect the tremendous efforts we have devoted. Although our educational method is proved to be effective in bettering the society, we cannot be swelled with what we have already achieved in the fields and what we need is just persistent attention as well as more efforts.

orlando911UID: 2737809

Issue130
"How children aresocialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately,we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a bettersociety."

While the two claims of the speaker appear to be reasonable at first sight, I find both of the speaker’s claims to be specious at best. The threshold claim that the society’s destiny is determined by the way in which children are socialized, while have some merits, is no more than an over-statement. And the latter claim that points out that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can better society is simply wrong-headed and poorly supported by empirical evidence.
Turn first to the speaker’s assertion that the society’s destiny is determined by how children are socialized. I admit that a good chance of healthy and positive interaction with peers contributes to enhancement of the children’s abilities, such as negotiating, cooperating with teammates and respecting others’ ideas especially when they are against their own, which are essential skills that enable an individual to interact with the rest of the society coherently and secure that one can integrate into the society smoothly and pleasantly. These lessons help children grow into good citizens and effective leaders, as well as society members of tolerance and respect, who are more likely to better the society.
However, though an important role it plays, socialization in itself is merely one of the various factors influencing the extent to which an individual contribute to a better society. Consider certain prominent scientists and leaders who posed positive and profound impact in the process of civilization like Thomas Edison and Mohandas Gandhi. Edison was an inventor and scientist who invented numerous of devises that greatly influenced life around the world. However, rather than the extent to which he was socialized, it was his spirit of innovation and perseverance that dubbed him ”The Wizard of Menlo Park”. Another example involves Mahatma Gandhi, who was the pioneer of satyagraha—resistance to tyranny through mass civil disobedience, a philosophy firmly founded upon ahimsa or total nonviolence—which led India to independence and inspired movements for civil rights and freedom across the world. Had he solely relied on his ability learned from socialization, India would still be a colony ruled by European countries. As we can see, in neither case socialization plays a dominant role in bettering our society. Actually, common sense informs us that perfection of our society is a function of various factors including innovation, perseverance, commitment and, of course, socialization. Nothing solely determines it.
Turn next to the speaker’s latter contention that we haven’t yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society. If we define “a better society” as a society in which people are living more convenient lives, expecting longer life spans and respecting and tolerating different opinions, religions and cultures. I think empirical evidence during the last century has proven that we are actually making a better society: Internet and satellites made distant communication readily available; automobiles and jets enhanced our mobility to the extent which we can travel almost anywhere on earth within days; newly developed remedies and inoculations cure diseases that could kill our ancestors several centuries ago and enables us to expect a longer life span than we ever could. Admittedly, there are problems we encounter like poverty, conflicts and terrorism that remain to be solved. But that doesn’t stop the huge wheel of history from rolling forward to a better future, and it is generations of adults who without exception grow up from children that push the wheel forward. In light of this, we indeed did what the speaker claimed that we failed.
To sum up, though socialization is a factor on which our society’s destiny depends as the speaker indicated, it is other more important factors, together with socialization, as a whole determine the very destiny of our society. In addition, despite the setbacks and problems we encounter, we have indeed raised generations of children who bring us about a better society.
第一次写~~
请lz板砖伺候~~
还有这个时间似乎不对,不过我实在是用电脑上网时间有限啊,原谅我吧lz~~

JessicaCaiUID: 2757351

LZ~麻烦看看我的~狠拍吧~狠狠滴拍~我才刚准备，以前又最怕议论文形式的，刚好需要人帮我指点下~谢谢了~另外我也实在不知道我的word有没有错误提示，反正我码了老半天字它也没提醒过我，也不知道有没有拼写错误什么的。。。
"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
   

  The purpose of education is to make people more sensible and brighter. But each person has different character and merit, so every person should be educated according to their speciality,so they can get better development.
  But nowadays all the schools teach the same courses to all the students in the same way, and all the schools and parents only pay their attention to the grade of the courses. In that case, all students have to share the times to all the subjects, even spend more time on the subject they are not good at or even not interested in order to get good grade to satisfied their parents. Because of this, they can’t focus on what they are more intersted in or good at, and the time they spent in the subject they are not interested in make them painful, their merits can’t be developed well either.At last, the time is wasted, and the students learned nothing.
   Thousands of years ago,the Chinese educator who is known as Confucious has mentioned a concept that teacher should teach each student according to his or her merits. He himself did so too. Once upon a time, Zilu asked Confucious, should I do the thing when heard about it? Confucious asked him, if your father and brother are alive, why not ask for their opion first? Then Ranqiu asked Confucious the same question, Confucious answered him, yes, you can do it right away. Some people don’t understand why Confucious give two totally different answer about the same question. Confucious said, Zilu is too impertinent , so I have to restrict him, but Ranqiu is too craven, so I have to encourage him. Confucious’ disciples are all excellent, it’s all because Confucious can teach them accroding to their character.
   In late Qing Dynasty,there was a famous person called Zengguofan,he is an excellent example of teaching his son in accordence with his speciality. Zengguofan had a son who is good at savvy, and short at memorizing. According to the speciality of his son, he asked his son to understand the meaning but not to memorize when he is reading books, he also ask his son to make wildely reading, and read quickly, no matter how many he remembered, as long as he understand the meaning of the contents. Because Zengguofan can find out his son’s character and let him be educated according to his speciality, his son became a famous diplomat. If Zengguofan didn’t educate his son according to his character, but just follow the acient method and force his son to remember all the books he read, he will became a pedantic bookworn.
   All people have their merits and shortcomings, the example that has mentioned above show us that, only when the education can digg one person’s merit, and lead him to develop for his or her merit, one can become sensible, and could do best in his or her life.

AdelineShenUID: 2630498

来顶顶又八哈~

都说了不是又八UID: 2728357

37# JessicaCai


嘛，下次要发文章的话，就像一楼说的那样，在晚上九点到十二点之间发来才OK。因为你的头像比较好看，所以这次就给你改了吧= =

"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."


The purpose of education is to make people more sensible and brighter. But （没有BUT的必要呀，没有转折的意思）each person has different character and merit, so every person should be educated according to their speciality,so they can get better development.（1.不要连续用两个SO。2.嗯，第一段来说应该是对原ISSUE中观点的回应。题目是：教育针对学生的特色时才有效——换言之，不针对特色就没效果。然而在你的第一段里面只有前半部分，当教育针对学生特色时候会怎么样；后半部分的东西只字未提。）


But nowadays all the schools teach the same courses to all the students in the same way, and all the schools and parents only pay their attention to the grade of the courses. In that case, all students have to share the times to all the subjects, even spend more time on the subject they are not good at or even not interested in order to get good grade to satisfied their parents. Because of this, they can’t focus on what they are more intersted in or good at, and the time they spent in the subject they are not interested in make them painful, their merits can’t be developed well either. At last, the time is wasted, and the students learned nothing.（哈，这里还真是说了不少。但是看来整个这段一共就说了一件事情：如果学校都这样教我们的话，对我们有怎样的危害。


Thousands of years ago,the Chinese educator who is known as Confucious has mentioned a concept that teacher should teach each student according to his or her merits. He himself did so too. 【Once upon a time, Zilu asked Confucious, should I do the thing when heard about it? Confucious asked him, if your father and brother are alive, why not ask for their opion first? Then Ranqiu asked Confucious the same question, Confucious answered him, yes, you can do it right away. Some people don’t understand why Confucious give two totally different answer about the same question. Confucious said, Zilu is too impertinent , so I have to restrict him, but Ranqiu is too craven, so I have to encourage him.】这一段，实话说非常囧。1.其实在外国孔子学院如何繁盛呀大家对中国文化如何着迷呀很大程度上都是扯淡，你拿出这个例子来，就要打心眼儿里祈祷能遇到一个对中国文化非常感兴趣的阅卷人。2.在记叙文当中出现了一个ONCE UPON A TIME， 呃这确实是有生以来头一次见到。而且这一段将近一百字儿。先不说人家会不会对咱们这个汉语拼音的名字丝毫不感冒，就是这种完全原样照搬的架势真是非常占时间，占字数。Confucious’ disciples are all excellent, it’s all because Confucious can teach them 【accroding】 to their character.
   In late Qing Dynasty, （…………哦天啊。你敢不敢下次写作文不用本土例子？！）there was a famous person called Zengguofan,he is an excellent example of teaching his son in 【accordence】 with his speciality. Zengguofan had a son who is good at savvy, and short at memorizing.（……语法错误。而且特别不地道。） According to the speciality of his son, he asked his son to understand the meaning but not to memorize when he is reading books, he also ask his son to make wildely reading, and read quickly, no matter how many he remembered, as long as he understand the meaning of the contents. Because Zengguofan can find out his son’s character and let him be educated according to his speciality, his son became a famous diplomat. If Zengguofan didn’t educate his son according to his character, but just follow the acient method and force his son to remember all the books he read, he will became a pedantic bookworn.
1.        孩子，不知道你写这篇文章用了多长时间。但是正常来说，写作文是绝对不可以从中文直直接接查字典翻译到英文的。抛开其中很多的语法错误和拼写错误不论，这篇文章从头到尾就没有任何一点【西方语言】的味道。很有可能你还完全没有认真读过一篇洋鬼子写的东西。这样的话一定是要吃大苦头的。写作文，不是汉译英。下次只要你开始写东西，就不准碰字典。早点儿开始限时，否则你连第一步都没有迈出去。
2.        马上开始着手接触英语——这句话说出来虽然不大好，但是至今为止或许你还没有见过英语，你所学的东西只是类似英语的一个符号体系，和英语长得很像，但是不是英语。马上开始阅读英美人写的东西。www.time.com也好，www.times.com也好，www.economist.com/也好，设一个当成你的主页。接下来多看看他们的语言，同时用笔记下来他们的例子。忘掉你高考作文中用的这些本土小例子，任何一个考官见到你这篇文章这样的例子，都会毫不犹豫地给你点儿颜色看看。
3.        考虑问题很不周全。审题不细。题目中，一个“只有，才”。而在你的笔下这个很明显值得探讨的东西一下就丢到了脑后。文字效率太低，整个一篇文章都是在绕话，一共只有两个非常非常苍白的例子而已。观点没有新颖之处。


   All people have their merits and shortcomings, the example that has mentioned above show us that, only when the education can digg one person’s merit, and lead him to develop for his or her merit, one can become sensible, and could do best in his or her life.

结尾就不多说了。有勇气动手写第一篇是好事儿，但是你可以想一想怎样才能做得更好。

JessicaCaiUID: 2757351

谢谢LZ，辛苦了~今天也发去别的地方互改，不过LZ的修改意见更精辟更有建设性，我喜欢~说实在的，我当时自己写上那两个例子，心里也打鼓，觉得例子真的是太古老了，这考试是美国人出的，举这种例子恐怕人家不知道。。。
本来上语文课就最讨厌最怕议论文，现在还要用英文写。。。都很久没写过哪怕是英文的看图说话，更别说议论文了，只能是当热热身，连连手先~唉！改文去~

xiemeng2370UID: 2749773

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1057912-1-1.html
观摩了楼主的批改~很好很强大~帮我也改一下吧~
现在刚好九点耶~
刚才在家家的铺子里惨败~哎~

yimingleonUID: 2688056

lz辛苦！
刚刚开始练，写得很糟糕，请勿见笑

TOPIC: ISSUE169 - "Those who treat politics and morality as though they were separate realms fail to understand either the one or the other."
WORDS: 373          TIME: 00:34:06          DATE: 2010-2-5 15:58:01

The aim of politics is to make people live happily and conveniently, while the purpose of morality is to let one live with dignity and conscience. Some people take these two topics separately, but they'll suffer great failure from that because they will understand neither of them unless they combine politics and morality together.

As the Confucius said, "One can not live without morality", "Promise is debt ". If the head of the government didn't obey the morality, if the ruler couldn’t obey what he said, if the government often changed its words, can anybody put any confidence on that country? When we review the history, we can find that the most horrible memories are mainly caused by false politics, among which the Nazi hurt the human deepest. During the political activities, the lacking of morality will hopefully result in the lack of humanity, and then it'll become a hell above the ground.

On the other hand, we can not concentrate on the morality only. Dozens of years ago, China wanted to help colonized countries to be independent, so the Chinese Government output a mass of food to Africa as well as Latin America. Its aim was good, but the method is questionable. Behind the great amount of output is the greater even famine inside the country. China ignores its own political needs and pursues the morality only, which induced a great disaster to all the Chinese. That horrible memory reminds us that the political profits are always essential to a country.

Last year, almost all of the nations exist on the Earth attend the summit held in Copenhagen, in the good wish to make a solution to the urgent environmental problems. However, the result let every single one down.  Every country is trying to fight for its own profit, and contradictions happened everywhere. The lack of the harmony for both politics and morality might be the greatest cause of this tragedy.

Nowadays, the world has become highly-internationalized, and the cooperation as well as negotiation between nations is more frequent and more important for both sides. The politicians should always try their best to balance their way between politics and morality, in order to bring hope and benefits to all the human beings.


TOPIC: ARGUMENT220 - The following appeared in an article in a magazine for writers.

"A recent study showed that in describing a typical day's conversation, people make an average of 23 references to watching television and only 1 reference to reading fiction. This result suggests that, compared with the television industry, the publishing and bookselling industries are likely to decline in profitability. Therefore, people who wish to have careers as writers should acquire training and experience in writing for television rather than for print media."
WORDS: 267          TIME: 00:22:31          DATE: 2010-2-5 15:58:01

The arguer presents his conclusion that the publishing and bookselling industries are likely to decline in profitability. To support his claim, he referred to a study that shows people are more likely to talk with TV than reading. A second thought on this problem will show easily how groundless such conclusion is.

First of all, the author fails to convince us that people's references in conversation have a direct relationship with the decline of the publishing industries. As the main method of mass media, TV is more popular with ordinary people. People watch the same program at the same time, which makes it easier for TV shows to become a common topic or reference. On the other side, it may very possible that both people don't share the similar reading experience, which makes it hard for them to resonant with the same reading material.

Secondly, compared with reading, TV shows are more social and closer to people's daily life. Since their purpose is to making money, TV shows are more likely to be down-to-earth, and the result is that they are more possible to appear during a daily talk. Suppose you hear a conversation about classic art, or such serious topics about science, it might hard for you to combine such conversation with daily, relax topics.

After this, the arguer commits a fallacy of red herring. Although there's no direct evidence that the publishing and bookselling industries are going to decline, the arguer gives the advice rudely that writers should change their jobs from writing books to writing for TVs, which may hurt a lot of writers.

chaliaUID: 2589767

9点咯~ 希望这次lz能帮偶改改...话说我的issue啊... 唉... ><

243. "The true value of a civilization is reflected in its artistic creations rather than in its scientific accomplishments."
文明真正的价值反映在它的艺术创作上，而不是科学成就上。

The speaker advocates that value of a civilization is better conveyed by its artistic accomplishments. At the first glance, this opinion seems to be somewhat appealing; however, after further reflection, I found that whether the value of a civilization is better reflected by artistic rather than scientific achievement is a complex issue--one that is tied up with the problem of defining the civilization in the first place. To address the issue, it is helpful to consider two distinct forms of civilization: spiritual and material.

In the spiritual realm, the true value of a civilization lies in its accomplishments people acquired in the mental world in human history. That is to say, art as the spirit carrier of human society is a typical representation for the value of a certain civilization. From the artistic creations, we can see the belief, percipient and the character of a nation. For instance, the pyramids in Egypt show the religious belief and creativity of ancient Egyptian to the humanity; the glorious palaces and gardens of China show us the special attitude towards beauty of ancient Chinese and famous Great Wall exhibits its diligent character to the world. Hence, we can draw the conclusion that the true value of a civilization is well showed in the artistic achievements since art is the very object created to express ideology and spirit.

In the material realm, the true value of a nation appears as discoveries and technological advances in physical world. Therefore it is safe to say that scientific achievements which greatly improve people’s ability in solving problems show substantial value of a civilization. Through science accomplishments, a nation presents its techniques and wisdoms which were gain from people’s real activities from all the periods. Still take the ancient civilization for example, the pyramids also reflects the great achievement in the field of geometry and dynamics in ancient Egypt. Without this progress in science reflecting the highly developed ancient Egyptian civilization, how can those magnificent pyramids be built? The same situation happens in China; all the brilliant structures of those palaces show us with advanced technologies in architecture of ancient Chinese. Therefore, such knowledge and advancement in science are also crucial carriers for true value of a civilization

finally, I would like to illustrate that we cannot use either artistic accomplishments or scientific achievements separately to evaluate a civilization. Like material and spiritual are two aspects of the society, science and art are two important fields to a civilization. It is vain to justify which one can better convey the value, which is just like asking a person which hand is more important, because both of them are indispensable. Without the knowledge of dynamics, the ancient Egyptian would not be able to build those glorious pyramids to convey their religious belief. Consequently, without the interaction between them, neither of the two can develop effectively, and thus ignoring either of them, the civilization could not make progress or have its own voice.

In conclusion, referring to the representation for the true value of a civilization, artistic achievement and scientific accomplishments are both essential components. Without either of them, we will unavoidably lose some part of a civilization that should have been worth our attention, thus the two aspects are equivalently important in reflecting the value of a civilization.

alin72UID: 2700598

时间对的吧？第一次写AW……写的ARGU45，请指教！！感激不尽！！

In this analysis,the author attempts to convince us that due to the global warming the Arctic deer will not be able to travel over the sea to follow their age-old migrations,which will result in the decrease of deer.To substantiate the assumption,the author also cites the report of the local hunters,which claims that the deer's number is dropping,At first glance,this argument seems somehow reasonable,however further consideration reveals that it contains several logical flaws and is therefore unconvincing as it stands.

First of all,the author unfairly assumes that the global warming will affect the deer's habitat as well.Though the temperature becomes higher in some districts,no evidence shows that the temperature of the deer's habitat has raised high enough to melt the ice covered the sea.Perhaps it remains the same,or even lower.In that case,the deer will continue their migration as their ancestors used to do.

Even assuming that global warming is responsible for the ice melting,it does not necessarily cause the deer population to decrease.There is a great chance that the deer have learnt to adapt themselves to the new environment during thousand years of evolving,and the failure of migration does not have a strong effect on their lives.On the contrary,many other factors might be responsible for the decline of deer,such as contagious disease,human activities and so forth.Without ruling out these and other possibilities,the author can not establish a casual correlation between the global warming and deer decreasing.

Besides,the report from the local hunters upon which the argument relies is insufficient and vague to be informative.Perhaps the hunters choose an inappropriate time for hunting,when there are not many deer,then they just jump to the conclusion that the number of deer is dropping.Or perhaps the hunters have lied about the deer number for their own interest,so that they can kill more deer without being noticed.In that matter,the deer's population may not decrease at all,let alone being affected by global warming.

In sum,the author's assumption about global warming attributes to the declining of deer is not well supported.The report does not lend credible support on the assertion either.To make the assumption more convincing,the author should offer more sufficient details about the deer living condition on the island,including the food,temperature,and so on to explain the possible causes of deer's declining.In addition,a better organized report will help to establish a high correlation between the global warming and decreasing deer population.

britney0915UID: 2760578

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773580245
谢谢！
不过我看楼上很多了
估计我没戏了
苦闷

nieyongUID: 2742661

希望楼主坚持啊~~顶~~请求改一下我的~感觉我的思路有一点点乱~谢谢哈
topic: issue203 "The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its heroines."

Heroes and heroines are generally regarded as the people who have the virtue that the society admires or those who contributes a lot to the development of society. But can we take it for granted that close scrutiny of the character of those heroes is actually an effective and appropriate way to understand the character of a society, which represents the core values of the society upholds? In my opinion, to some extent, it is justifiable. Nevertheless, it overlooks the diversification and complication of the society.

As an old saying goes, “A hero is known in the time of misfortune.” Heroes and heroines are made but not born. Nearly every society spontaneously chooses its heroes who are in accordance to current circumstance and they guide people’s way of thought that ultimately manifests the character of a society. One apt illustration involves the course of Dr King, Mandela, Castro and so forth. They devoted all their lives in guiding people of low class to fight for democracy and freedom they deserved. Through trial and error, hot national liberation movements were being carried on and the creed that "all men are created equal" was deeply rooted in every corner of the society.  In addition, as we all know, Helen Keller, worshipped for her courage and fortitude, have altered the whole society's perception of the disabled and even remapped the boundaries of sight and sense and the public good has been promoted.

However, with the rapid expansion of the society, the character of it becomes diversified, and given the complexity of the definition of heroes or heroines, people's ideal heroes may vary completely from each other, we are unable to conclude the character of a society merely by its choice heroes or heroines. One's hero may be a talented football player, leading his team to the top of the World Cup like Maradona. It may be an excellent magician, having some alleged superhuman skills like David Copperfield or the heroes saving others with no concern of death like the firefighters in the Sept. 11 attacks. Also, it may be our moral tutor Mother Teresa. There are a thousand Hamlets in a thousand people's eyes, we cannot draw a conclusion from thousands of heroes with different qualities.

Furthermore, the embodiment of the society's character shouldn't be confined within its heroes; it also applies to the ordinary people. Such as social courtesy, helpfulness, caring for public property, environmental protection, and law-abiding, they are all virtues of the public that build the character of a society. Simultaneously, to cater the propaganda of media or the government, so-called heroes may be factitious and show his virtue on purpose, and this will surely lose its representativeness.

Since heroes and heroines cannot perfectly represent its society, we should have more integrated and acute perceptions. Comprehending the Institutional characteristics is the prerequisite of understanding the character of a society. Customs and routing duties of the heroes and heroines as well as the ordinary people are also essential aspects of it.

In conclusion, insightful discernment of all the factors together should be carried on this issue. We cannot study the character of a society completely via its heroes or heroines concerning the complexity and diversification of a huge society.