小组作业~Amanda_qinyy暧暧的作文帖

glly7UID: 2675646

2.28by 小伙子
呵呵，加油，向你学习

nathanycUID: 2551974

2.28 by Nathan
实在不好意思，毕设和复习都忙疯了...现在才改

mpromanusUID: 2565872

Nowadays, youngsters are asked to be independent in every aspect of life. There is no denying that being independent will truly enrich our life experience and help to make us being to be more mature. In fact, however? (Why would you use these two phrases together? 'in fact' signals a continuation from the previous sentence, but 'however' signals a departure. If you want to express the idea of a contradicting fact, then it should be 'however, in fact, ...'.), even the a so-called expert is only has expertise in only a few areas, and nobody can perfectly solve all the problems by himself. Thus, when are in trouble, an advice from an experienced person (I'm wondering why you specify 'experienced person', because the question doesn't specify any detail about 'other people'. You need to have some kind of explaination here to show your reader that such a restriction on your discussion is reasonable and valid.) seems to be extremely helpful to us.

To begin with, our knowledge and time are so limited that we cannot put every step into practice till success? (I know you probably want to say something like 'trial-and-error' but at least you could have used the word 'try' to properly express your idea.). When we buy a new electric machine such as an advanced washing machine or a new type cell phone, we may get a list of advices (I'm trying to be less picky but those are 'instructions' rather than 'advices'. An 'advice' is a 'recommendation' for decision-making, less of 'information' for people to do a specific task, like using a cell phone.) from the box inside? (Shouldn't the boxes be 'outside' the goods? Do you mean 'inside the box'?). The advices tell us how to correctly operate and what we should not do with the machine. Will you ignore these professional advices (Yeah, you can call them 'advices' here, but the question is about advices from 'other PEOPLE', that you use to 'solve question', isn't it?.) and try the new machine with your own attempts? Absolutely not, you will follow them step after step, and when you are still have somewhere unclear somewhere to read or operate, you might turn to the salesman for help (Now THAT's the kind of 'problem solving' and 'advice' we are talking about in the question!). That is to say, everybody would like to listen to other's advice for it is really helpful and essential.

In addition, we may get to know all sorts of skills and tips from other people's advices, which are benefit to us. The person whom we turned to for help must be an expert in some aspects (Are you saying this as a requirement, or are you making a conclusion like 'if we seek other people's advices, then these 'other people' should be experts, or else we shouldn't seek advices from them'?) and can offer us valuable experiences. For instance, I always ask my grandfather how to make a delicious dish, and when I cannot better operate my car better, I will turn to my father, who is a 15-year-old (Your father is 15-year-old? That's quite a confusion in expression. What you're trying to say is that your father is a skillful driver of 15 years' experience.) skillful driver, for advice. And the most essential thing is asking my mother about how to take care of a baby when I become a mother in the coming years? (If you're trying to say you're to become a mother in the years to come, then you should say 'when I will become a mother..'.). Wow, there is quite a plenty of useful and important advices we can get from other people. Nevertheless, (This means 'in spite of that', and I don't see why do you need to use it here. what you're trying to express seems to be 'on the other hand'.) it is hard to imagine what a long time it will be for us to summarize all the valuable experiences by ourselves.

Admittedly, the experience from our practice (What practice?) seems more important and meaningful. However, listening to other's advice doesn't mean we don't try out the tasks by with our own hands. The advice is an easy access to success, that will be a great help for us. So, I strongly believe that it is better to ask for other's advice when we need help.

总结：

总体上来说问题不是很大，就是你的表达有很多语义不详和歧义的地方，请注意仔细选择你的用词，还有就是不要想当然尔地堆砌短语，回头多读读自己写的东西看看是不是表达清楚了。另外就是第一个例子，因为问题问的是ask other people for advice，所以你举家电使用手册的例子，只注重了advice这个关键字，但看手册不是问别人，就偏了，如果你着重在读了手册还有问题会去问店员，就更加切题。然后就是说题目是比较性质的，论述也要跟着比较，这个你做得不错，但就是因为第一个例子举偏了，所以比较也跟着比偏了，那么如果修改的话就是要注意一下两个都要整体地改。

关于开头构思花时间：你说的开头是指每段的开头？如果是每段的开头的话，就是你列提纲的时候从大到小地想，等你想明白了，TS就出来了。比如你这个题目，A比B好，直接上来就想哪个地方好几乎肯定想不出的，你先放一放，先想，A有些什么方面可以说，社会方面，自身方面，诸如此类，这些相关话题你要怎么分类就看你自己习惯，重要的是先发散出去。然后再往下深想，这个方面A有没有优势，是不是可以说比B好？这个方面呢？这个方面呢？如果你决定在一个方面说比B好的，那就再继续这样细分下去，最后你要落在一个内容和一个点题上。比如自身方面->自身知识面->A可以很快扩充自身知识面，B没有这么快。题目是比较，所以点题是比较A和B的‘快’，内容词是那个‘自己的知识面’。就是你的思维要先拓开去，再拉回来，话题就那么几大类，做习惯了的话这个方法很快。然后总结起来就起首/结论段都有了。

But, again, 这是我自己习惯的方法，你马上要考试的话不见得适应，所以还是再提醒一次 - 仅供参考，请酌情采用~

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

64# mpromanus

很感谢你的修改，再次感谢！
另外，还有个问题想请教下。
其实我TS花时间，是因为分析题目的时候，想到的都是一些比较细节的地方，比如A比B在某些细小的方面有优势，想把那些细小的点分成两方面或三方面再高度概括成TS的时候，花很长的时间，也就是先分散再集中~ 刚好相反。。。所以作文里经常会出现例子和TS没有照应或者说偏离了...因为TS是编的，例子是看到题目之后直接反射出来的，别人评我的作文会经常说没有围绕TS来写...
这个问题，能用什么好办法解决不？

mpromanusUID: 2565872

65# amanda_qinyy

其实我TS花时间，是因为分析题目的时候，想到的都是一些比较细节的地方，比如A比B在某些细小的方面有优势，想把那些细小的点分成两方面或三方面再高度概括成TS的时候，花很长的时间，也就是先分散再集中~ 刚好相反。。。所以作文里经常会出现例子和TS没有照应或者说偏离了...因为TS是编的，例子是看到题目之后直接反射出来的，别人评我的作文会经常说没有围绕TS来写... 这个问题，能用什么好办法解决不？

如果你自己知道自己的习惯是先想到细节，那你就要努力让自己从细节往更概括的方向去想，多提醒自己退后一步再想想。先集中再分散是我个人喜欢的方式，不表示这样一定就比较好，如果你能从细节抽象出总体，那也是可以的，就好像解数学应用题可以顺推，也可以反推，看你习惯怎么推而已。如果你想说具体训练的话，可以给我一个题目和你写的提纲来看看。

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

65# amanda_qinyy

其实我TS花时间，是因为分析题目的时候，想到的都是一些比较细节的地方，比如A比B在某些细小的方面有优势，想把那些细小的点分成两方面或三方面再高度概括成TS的时候，花很长的时间，也就是先分 ...
mpromanus 发表于 2010-3-2 23:55

就这篇文章来看，我想的是两个方面：
1. ourselves， knowledge&time limited, 特别是遇到emergency的无法解决...(这一点后来没写进去，写的时候想到别的了替代了)
2. other people,  ==> all sorts of experience: grandpa, cooking; father, drive a car; mother, take care of baby
                                save time
     people can help each other..

以上是我大概的思路细节，列在草稿纸上的就是这些。
然后，我就很难浓缩成比较精彩的TS，以至于出现偏差。
文章的开头也如此，不想太模板，也是花很多时间难下笔。
请教企鹅好人（这样称呼会不会很汗~），对于我以上的思路，有没有什么问题或者不全面值得改进的地方？

mpromanusUID: 2565872

看了你的提纲，我觉得最主要的问题就是你自己已经发现的，先发散，先开始想细节，就是先想有哪些可以论述的论点和例子。这没什么不对，但是问题还是你没有把这个思路归纳到题目上面去。题目是better，就拿你提纲的第2点来说吧，这些材料都是很好的，但是你的提纲里看不出你在想这些材料和better之间的那个关系，到底是什么？也就是说，这些材料怎么就证明，从什么关键之处证明了哪个better这个话题的？你如果没有这个认识的话，当然不容易写出TS，因为这个材料怎么证明你的题目，这相当于一条线串的珠子，你要找到中间缺失的那一颗，这个才是TS，而不是你去试图总结还是浓缩说这些材料本身都属于help，这个总结不是TS。比如people can help each other, 上面的那些all sorts of experience都可以做help的具体材料，但help和better之间的关系是什么？或者说，你想到了help each other和experience，怎么联系到seek advice is better than solving problems alone上去。。是不是experience的advice/help通常可以让人把事情做得更好所以better？还是别的联系？那么这条线甚至可以不需要用一句TS一次画完，用一整段的开头结尾两三句说明白都是可以的，但是你单单集中注意力在other people, experience, help这些断片的材料上，没有联系到题目去的话，当然就很难把题目论述准确。

以上。不知道解释明白了没有。。=.=

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

3.4 考前最后一篇独立作文。


Do you agree or disagree that scientists should be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries?


Nowadays, people are living in a comfortable and convenient life with more and more advanced technologies and inventions. We can often hear people say "Thanks to the talent scientists who bring us to a modern world, or we are still in the ancient society". It is true that scientists have made a great contribution to human beings. However, we should admit that there are still some negative impacts coming along with their discoveries. But, considering the mass advantages in our life, I still firmly support that scientist should not be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries.

To begin with, the direct purposes of the new discoveries are mainly to bring benefits to human society. We all know that, no one wants to do harm to our precious planet, not to mention the intellect scientists who have obtained better education. They invented computers and Internet which have been the necessaries to our daily life and work, they created air planes, trains and subways that make our transportations more convenient and fast, and they found a new method to cultivate rice with higher output that solve the problem of rice shortage, and the list will go on...So it is obvious to see that, the efforts that the scientists made are beneficial to all of us.

Secondly, the negative impacts are mainly caused by the users but not the scientist, so that the scientists should not to be blamed. For instance, cars make us convenient when we go out for work, but the traffic jam and accidents are what we don't expect to face. What's more, the Internet offers us a huge amount of information and can be served as a means of entertainment for relation, but there are still someone committing a crime through the Internet and spreading violence and dangerous behavior which will do harm to people's health both physical and psychological. But, should we blame all the negative effects to the scientists who invented the cars and Internet? Absolutely not. It is ourselves, who caused the bad influence and should be responsible to all of them.

To sum up, I want to claim that, without scientists, we won't live in this wonderful life. I admit that there are more or less negative impacts coming along with the positive discoveries. But we'd better know that they are our own fault, we should carry on the responsibility to reduce the bad impacts on our life and never blame the scientists.

辛苦改的同学了，先谢谢了，请一定努力让我在考前看到你修改的文章呀！！！

3.4 暧暧的最后一篇独立作文.doc (22 KB, 下载次数: 6)

2010-3-4 13:12:25 上传

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speedzshawUID: 2556376

3.4 修改 by speedzshaw

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

上战场了，明天加油！！！

半夏之北UID: 2517498

Nowadays, people are living in a comfortable and convenient life with more and more advanced technologies and inventions. We can often hear people say "Thanks to the talent（talented） scientists who bring us to a modern world, or we are still in the ancient society". It is true that scientists have made a great contribution to human beings. However, we should admit that there are still some negative impacts coming along with their discoveries. But, considering the mass advantages in our life, I still firmly support that scientist should not be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries.9 P9
j" Z& u% x0 w' \$ q3 P
! }5 U0 a. q$ ], s$ u) F
To begin with, the direct purposes of the new discoveries are mainly to bring benefits to human society. We all know that, no one wants to do harm to our precious planet, not to mention the intellect scientists who have obtained better education. They invented computers and Internet which have been the necessaries to our daily life and work, they created air planes, trains and subways that make our transportations more convenient and fast, and they found a new method to cultivate rice with higher output that solve the problem of rice shortage, and the list will go on...So it is obvious to see that, the efforts that the scientists made are beneficial to all of us.

D, }5 `, A8 H0 K2 |6 j
Secondly, the negative impacts are mainly caused by the users but not the scientist, so that the scientists should not to be blamed. For instance, cars make us convenient when we go out for work, but the traffic jam and accidents are what we don't expect to face. What's more, the Internet offers us a huge amount of information and can be served as a means of entertainment for relation, but there are still someone committing a crime through the Internet and spreading violence and dangerous behaviors which will do harm to people's health both physical and psychological. But, should we blame all the negative effects to the scientists who invented the cars and Internet? Absolutely not. It is ourselves, who caused the bad influence and should be responsible to all of them.

^7 e3 y. R
To sum up, I want to claim that, without scientists, we won't live in this wonderful life. I admit that there are more or less negative impacts coming along with the positive discoveries. But we'd better know that they are our own fault, we should carry on the responsibility to reduce the bad impacts on our life and never blame the scientists.
不好意思啊，我今天坐车回家了，到晚上才看你的作文~~~明天，应该是今天了，一定要加油啊\(^o^)/~
文章我看的话没有什么问题，内容很充实，用词和语法都没有问题，相信自己~~~

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

二战的成绩 虽然reading部分做的很差 只有18分 我必须三战
但写作部分从22分提升到27分 小组作业功不可没
也证明了一句话 付出和收获是成正比的
三战 我讲继续在此拼搏 希望能保持写作的水平吧
谢谢很多人 帮我改过作文提过意见挑过刺的牛人们和筒子们 谢谢你们 谢谢

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

3.30 （09.2.21）
Newspapers and magazines are the best way of learning about a foreign country.

Nowadays, an increasing number of people tend to go abroad for travelling or higher education, and people in the world are more likely to get in touch with the foreigners through the national trade or even the msn. So that, the first thing people would like to do is to have a better understanding of the foreign country. However, as to me, I don't believe newspapers and magazines are the best way of learning about a foreign country with the following reasons.

To begin with, the information and resources in the newspaper and magazines are limited. Not only because of the pages of the published papers are too few to show us an all-round view of a foreign country, but also the world is changing in every second that the newspapers and magazines cannot update its information as soon as the changes happen. Last semester, I wrote a paper about the England's culture and history, and the Internet and the school library are my helpful origin of all the information I got. Nobody will ask me why I didn't search for the information on the newspaper and magazines. So that is clearly to see, the information in the newspaper and magazines cannot satisfy our great needs.

Secondly, the newspapers and magazines that introducing the foreign countries are not always available for us. We know that the newspapers and magazines which are sold in the book stores are mainly about the current news. It may be hard for us to find a professional magazine introducing a foreign country, not to mention the newspapers. While, when we want to know about a country, it will be great if we come across a foreigner and can have a nice talk with them. What's more, the most effective way for us to search for the country's information is just browsing in its website or google what we want to know.

To sum up, when we want to have a better understanding of a foreign country, the Internet, the library, and the foreign friends and so on so forth will be our perfect guide to that new country, which are far better than the narrowed newspapers and magazines. So that's why I don't support them as the best way to learn about a foreign country.

三战第一篇，木有超时，难得啊~

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2010-3-30 12:21:03 上传

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轴轴UID: 2789023

3.31（07 11 11）
Advertisements make products seem better than they are

When you asked about whether or not advertisements make products seem better than they are, a vast of people would agree that advertisements exaggerate the advantages of products, but other people would claim advertisements just reflect the real quality of products. As far as I am concerned advertisements definitely make products seem better than they are.

Businessman take advantages of advertisements to conduct propaganda for their products. Their purposes are approval the customers as soon as possible. So they display the best products. Sometimes they even exhibit the products that much better than the real products. I can cite a typically instance that the popular Pizza Hut display the pizza that full of materials and bigger than the real pizza you gain in their restaurants. They want to attract people by their good looking pizza and they exaggerate the truth. They majority of companies use the same policy make advertisements. Hence in my opinion advertisements make products seem better than they are.

Advertisements improve appearance of products for the process of manufacture advertisements absolutely is a process of embellishing products. Because lights, scenes, music all of these factors form a better vision of products. I had ever seem a advertisements of a baker, all the bread and cakes appear in a palace, and bright lights made cakes looks like delicious and luxurious. I totally attracted by the amazing scenes of that advertisements. And yet I bought the real bread from that baker, I found they are normal bread and not as well as products in the advertisement. Directors of advertisements try their best to embellish the product in the advertisements. And I just confused by their brilliant scene. Thus you must see a prefect appearance of products in advertisements.

Only the best products would be emerged in advertisements, because they have to exhibit the products in a short period of time. That means the products in advertisements cannot represent the real level of products. So products would seem better in advertisements.

From all the discussion above we may safely draw the conclusion that advertisements made products better than they are.

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

75# 轴轴

为什么把作文帖在我的作文本上啊？？？