小组作业~Amanda_qinyy暧暧的作文帖

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

2.2日首次作业。
我自从12月考完1战后就没碰过作文了，也是最近才开始复习准备2战的。3月6号二战，每天作文，自己监督自己，也希望给我改作文的童鞋们狠批！！！
本次作业，限时了未完成，后来又写了20多分钟，字数比较多，废话也挺多的。以后限时，保证质量！！
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to travel is being in a group led by a tourist guide.


"Hey, everybody, please stand in a line and follow me, look at this, it is a tiger, and this is a lion..."When talk about travelling in a group led by a tourist guide, I always connect it with those scenes, a group of naughty kids following a teacher visiting the zoo. I like travelling when I was very young, following my parents to visit several places that not far from my hometown. As time goes by, the travel agencies came out and changed the way people used to travel. However, when I am independent enough to travel alone, I prefer to make a DIY trip rather than join the travelling group.

The most beneficial thing for travelling all by ourselves is freedom. Why we want to make a trip to different places? Definitely, the answer is freedom. We do hope to throw away our unhappy feelings in the work and acquire an unforgettable experience during the trip. Imagine that, if you receive a sharp and noisy morning call at 7 o'clock which interrupts your sweet dream; if you want to take more photos while the guide asks you to get on the bus moving to another place; if you have no interest in buying the native products but are led into several shopping stores...All these will happen when we are in a group led by a tourist guide, I believe nobody would be happy following the guide anymore and even be angry and lose interest in the coming days. However, we won't be bothered if we travel alone all by ourselves. Enjoy the sunrise, chat with the native people, take photos as more as we want, stay longer or leave at once. All in all, doing what we like to do is just depend on our mind. It may be an incredible feeling we never got.

What's more, the preparation for the trip can also leave us a great experience. DIY trip means we have to plan for everything during the trip, such as buying the train tickets, dating the hotel, making a detailed travel plan and so on. It seems to be a difficult task for us, however, with the rapid development of Internet, we can solve all these problems by only clicking the mouse. We can easily gain plenty of useful travelling tips and get to know several friends sharing the same travel interest. Even when we are on the trip and need help, just search the Internet by our mobiles, everything can be solved.

Finally, after a DIY trip, what we share with our friends about our travel experience will be quite different and unique from others. We are making our own trip but not the unchanged trip that served by the tourist guide. So that's why I prefer to travel all by myself.

carriexuUID: 2559756

# amanda_qinyy
感觉词汇和句式都很丰富，读起来感觉很流畅，就是有些语法错误。我把修改的文章放附件里拉，怕一粘贴颜色就没了~~

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

2.3 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People will feel happier when they finish a challenging or difficult work than they finish an easy work.


As the saying goes no sweat no sweet, it seems that when we finish an arduous task, we will definitely be the happiest and feel quite a lot exciting. I am not exception. I firmly believe that people will feel happier when they finish a challenging or difficult work than they finish an easy work.

Why we call the work which we can not easily solve a challenging work? The answer is obvious to see. We need more time, more knowledge, more energy, more patients, more confidence and even more tears to conquer. After a hard time dealing with the arduous task and finally we achieve it, there is no excuse to be happier than anything else, not to mention the easy work. At the same time, the challenging work approves your ability to everyone and you will get your boss or leader's appreciation. Therefore, the achievements mean a lot to us and we are always in a state of bliss.

There is no deny that we are happy when finish our work. Finish an easy work of course brings us pleasure. The easy work today was probably a hard task for us when we first met it, but after solving them, they were not hard any more, then we call them easy tasks. Set my friend Blair as an example. She is of great talent in singing and takes part in several singing competitions arrange from the school's to national competition. Blair luckily won the 2nd place in the nation wide compaction last year, she insisted to won the champion of that game and showed no interest in attending the less famous games even she was the winner. I wondered and asked her, she said, they were so easy to me and what I really want is the champion in our nation. Maybe I understand her now; the happier feeling comes from conquering the difficulty.

All in all, I admit that both challenging and easy work bring us happy feelings. While measure the feelings and rank which is happier, I would say that I am happier when achieve the arduous ones with no hesitation.

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

2# baitao8866
谢谢你的修改，太详细了。
我的问题挺多，语法比较烂所以经常语病，还有你的少写非正式语句的建议，我以前还真没意识到！
从你的作文里，我也受益匪浅，向你学习！:loveliness:

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

3# carriexu
谢谢carriexu的修改，不同的角度的修改，让我意识到很多错误。
那个n个if的病句，经你的修改，我终于知道怎么写了，嘿嘿，谢啦...
many thanks :loveliness:

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

7# jbc88
可以提出改正的意见么？

zhengping001UID: 2689322

2.3 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People will feel happier when they finish a challenging or difficult work than they finish an easy work.


As the saying goes no sweat no sweet, it seems that when we finish an arduous task, we will definitely be the happiest and feel quite a lot exciting. I am not exception
(too). I firmly believe that people will feel happier when they finish a challenging or difficult work than they finish an easy work.2 M. Y- w* A: z- P3 n1 I
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Why we call the work which(可以去掉，没什么用)
we(改用people要更好些，一般不用第一人称，最好使用第三人称)
can not easily solve a challenging work? The answer is obvious to see. We need more time, more knowledge, more energy, more
patients(patience不可数), more confidence and even more tears(sweat,应该是汗水，不可数) to conquer(我觉得只要一个more就行了). After a hard time dealing with the arduous task and finally we achieve it, (可以另起一句)there is no excuse to be happier than anything else, not to mention(是更不用说的意思，按照它的意思就是说finish the easy work更happier) the easy work. At the same time, the challenging work approves your ability to everyone and you will get your boss(boss's) or leader's appreciation(这句有点怪). Therefore, the achievements mean a lot to us and we are always in a state of bliss(一个句子中最好不用两个主句，可以用一主多从句的方式).
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There is no deny that we are happy when (we好像不能省略吧)
finish our work. Finish an easy work of course brings us pleasure. The easy work today was probably a hard task for us when we first met it, but after solving them, they were not hard any more(逻辑上有点问题，before we finish the task, it seems to be difficult. But after accomplishment of it, at a matter of fact, it actually is a easy task,最好用举一个实例), then we call them easy tasks. Set my friend Blair as an example. She is of great talent in singing and takes(took,从逻辑上看事情发生在以前) part in several singing competitions arrange(range) from the school's to national competition. Blair luckily won the 2nd place in the nation wide(national level)
compaction(competition) last year, (and) she insisted to won(win) the champion of that game and showed no interest in attending the less famous games even she was the winner. I wondered and asked her, she said, they were so easy to me and what I really want is the champion in our nation. Maybe I understand her now; the happier feeling comes from conquering the difficulty.9 Z  A# _2 O# j- Y, q) D4 ^2 _5 v

All in all, I admit that both challenging and easy work bring us happy feelings. While measure the feelings and rank which is happier, I would say that I am happier when achieve the arduous ones with no hesitation.

总评：首先，字数很多，不过有些小错误，包括在用词上还是语法
第二，句子之间缺少逻辑上的连接，最好不用如and的词把两个主句连在一起。
第三，中间两段主意不是很明确，缺少一个中心论点。
最后就是在举例说明时，紧围着中心论点写，有点放矢。

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

9# zhengping001

嗯，谢谢你的点评，很到位！
我会认真再改改的:)

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

11# jbc88
嗯，嘿嘿，有理，我也去瞅瞅185篇有无类似的借鉴一下！

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

2.5 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For future career success, is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

In this competitive society, everybody desires to be successful, especially the youngsters who have little or no social experience and high degrees. What's more, it is not hard to find that those people tend to rely on the help of predecessors instead of improving the qualities of them. I don't think our future career success should relate to other's help, on the contrary, I firmly believe that we study hard at school is more important for our future success.

As we all know, it is yourself who can make you strong. Studying hard at school is a proper way which leads you to success. There are so many distinguished persons who achieved their dreams all by themselves. Liuxiang, one of the world's famous athletes, not only won a number of gold medals but also set us a good example to indicate that hard working and persistence make perfect. Now in China, a group of youngsters admire him very much and they begin to learn from his great spirit. As the saying goes, no sweat no sweet, we should study hard at school to build up a solid basement so that we can move forward one step after another till success.

I admit that the help from other popularity persons is of great benefit for our career, however, it is only a key to success. Nobody could support you from the beginning to the end. Therefore, we should just rely on ourselves and spare no effort to enrich our knowledge. Bill Gates and Li ka-shing are excellent entrepreneurs who are envied by a vast amount of people. They started their business all from scratch only with a plenty of knowledge learned from university and an enthusiastic heart, then after years of hard working, they succeed and became the world's richest person and the Asia's richest person. From the successful examples, we should be full of confidence to fight for our future career. Though without the help from others, we should not be afraid and should always try out our best.

All in all, I do believe both the help from other people and the ability you improve at school are important for your career success. Nevertheless, it is studying hard at school which can finally determine you success.

tomatooUID: 2754865

In this competitive society, everybody desires to be successful, especially the youngsters who have little or no social experience and high degrees(很好，一句话就把主体定为youngsters). What's more, it is not hard to find that those people tend to rely on the help of predecessors instead of improving the qualities of them. I don't think our future career success should relate to other's help, on the contrary, I firmly believe that we study hard at school is more important for our future success.(这个题目又是个错的，语法错，意思又有歧义，大家理解都不一样，我的理解是这样的，relate well to other people是说和别人很好的相处，不是依靠别人，大家再斟酌一下吧)

As we all know, it is yourself who can make you strong. Studying hard at school is a proper way which leads you to success. There are so many distinguished persons who achieved their dreams all by themselves. Liuxiang, one of the world's famous athletes, not only won a number of gold medals but also set us a good example to indicate that hard working and persistence make perfect（好例子！）. Now in China, a group of youngsters admire him very much and they begin to learn from his great spirit. As the saying goes, no sweat no sweet（赞，学一个）, we should study hard at school to build up a solid basement so that we can move forward one step after another till success.

I admit that the help from other popularity persons is of great benefit for our career, however, it is only a key to success. Nobody could support you from the beginning to the end. Therefore, we should just rely on ourselves and spare no effort to enrich our knowledge. Bill Gates and Li ka-shing are excellent entrepreneurs who are envied by a vast amount of people. They started their business all from scratch（再学一个） only with a plenty of knowledge learned from university and an enthusiastic heart, then after years of hard working, they succeed and became the world's richest person and the Asia's richest person. From the successful examples, we should be full of confidence to fight for our future career. Though without the help from others, we should not be afraid and should always try out our best.; R

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All in all, I do believe both the help from other people and the ability you improved at school are important for your career success.(这句话的第二人称用得不好) Nevertheless, it is studying hard at school which can finally determine you success.. Y) X! D, c0 p3 @4 F  E, m

不管题目是什么意思了
我们就说文章，论点鲜明，论证充分有力，遣词造句非常好！
很好！

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

14# jbc88

在想例子的时候，的确很头疼。
借鉴了你的例子，从employer角度说明gpa和positive attitude的重要性，很有说服力。就拿Liuxiang的例子来看呢，我是想通过个人的努力来表达study hard 这层意思，但确实是没能突出at school这个方面。
用BG和Li的例子，是想证明自己成功可以不依赖别人的努力。
这两个例子，我自己觉得有点接近，没太大的区别，值得改进。