2-18 独立写作作业 by tang

tqidtestUID: 2766196

Government should pay more attention to health care issues than on environment issues.
As the global population grows fast, it becomes a harsh and urgent issure whether we should put more attentions on the health care than the environment and nature and how to balance them. As far as I can see, the environment issure is more urgent at present and involved in the long-term benfit. Thus I think we should put more attentions and efforts on it.

Firstly, the environment problem is becoming more and more urgent in the recent year.  Innumerable species are facing with extinction at present because of the environment destruction and pollution. Also the water resource is in shortage due to the discharge of sewage from the industries. In addition, how to reduce the carbon emission and control the energy consumption to prevent the climate change and global warming also becomes  a common issue at present. All the issues stated above are very urgent nowadays but we still don't find good ways to resolve.

Secondly, environment issues are involved in the long-term influence. Some of them are permanently affected, such as species extinction or no more ice coated on the arctic ocean due to the global warming. In face of  these problems, no one could disassociate oneself from it, because we could live nowhere except for the earth. In order to get sustainable development, we should be responsible for our younger generation. Thus we should never neglect of the environment issues in a long term.

In addition, health care is nearly an individual issue but the enviroment can be public and socially effected. Much of diseases can be controled and cured by people nowadays. The health condition is much reliable to the individual lifestyles. Thus, the health care issues are more like subjective issues of individual attitude. Building stronger and healthier body and preventing aging will lead us to a happier life but it is not urgent and necessary.

To sum up,  I cannot agree with the issue stated in the topic that people should put more attentions on the health care than the environment, especially in the consideration of the destructed environment we have to deal with.

Mason.PDUID: 2592013

As the global population grows fast, it becomes a harsh and urgent issure whether we should put more attentions on the health care than the environment and nature and how to balance them. As far as I can see, the environment issure is more urgent at present and involved in the long-term benfit. Thus I think we should put more attentions and efforts on it. 3 b$ d7 @


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Firstly, the environment problem is becoming more and more urgent in the recent year.  Innumerable species are facing with extinction at present because of the environment destruction and pollution. Also the water resource is in shortage due to the discharge of sewage from the industries. In addition, how to reduce the carbon emission and control the energy consumption to prevent the climate change and global warming also becomes  a common issue at present. All the issues stated above are very urgent nowadays but we still don't find good ways to resolve.加上一句总结更好，正因为紧急，所以政府要关注，这样就扣题了

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Secondly, environment issues are involved in the long-term influence. Some of them are permanently affected, such as species extinction or no more ice coated on the arctic ocean due to the global warming. In face of  these problems, no one could disassociate oneself from it, because we could live nowhere except for the earth. In order to get sustainable development, we should be responsible for our younger generation. Thus we should never neglect of the environment issues in a long term
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In addition, health care is nearly an individual issue but the enviroment can be public and socially effected. Much of diseases can be controled and cured by people nowadays. The health condition is much reliable to the individual lifestyles. Thus, the health care issues are more like subjective issues of individual attitude. Building stronger and healthier body and preventing aging will lead us to a happier life but it is not urgent and necessary.

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To sum up,  I cannot agree with the issue stated in the topic that people should put more attentions on the health care than the environment, especially in the consideration of the destructed environment we have to deal with

你的行文我挺喜欢的（因为我自己也是这样写的。呵）不过有点我想你应该注意下
1你的段落大部分由例子组成，不是不可以。但我觉得加上道理论证可以更加使层次清晰，说理有条理
2缺少transition words。比如in other words, to be specific, for instance你的句子间衔接不是很连贯，特别是每段首句与第二句之间，感觉没有联合在一起，就开始举例子了

tqidtestUID: 2766196

非常非常的感谢manson能花时间给俺指教。俺会多多努力 2# Mason.PD

showgood07UID: 2605959

As the global population grows fast, it becomes a harsh and urgent issure whether we should put（pay） more attentions on the health care than the environment and nature and how to balance them(可以考虑换一个表达，把连续的and替换掉). As far as I can see, the environment issure is more urgent at present and involved in the long-term benfit. Thus I think we should put（pay） more attentions and efforts on it.

Firstly, the environment problem is becoming more and more urgent in the recent year.  Innumerable species are facing with extinction at present because of the environment destruction and pollution. Also the water resource is in shortage due to the discharge of sewage from the industries. In addition, how to reduce the carbon emission and control the energy consumption to prevent the climate change and global warming also becomes  a common issue at present. All the issues stated above are very urgent nowadays but we still don't find good ways to resolve.[论述得很好，喜欢这样简洁，精炼又干净的句子。能最后点题一句，就perfect]
Secondly, environment issues are involved in the long-term influence. Some of them are permanently affected, such as species extinction or no more ice coated on the arctic ocean due to the global warming. In face of  these problems, no one could disassociate oneself from it, because we could live nowhere except for the earth. In order to get sustainable development, we should be responsible for our younger generation. Thus we should never neglect of the environment issues in a long term.[这样就像在记流水账了，层次不明显，要区分一下]

In addition, health care is nearly an individual issue but the enviroment can be public and socially effected. Much of diseases can be controled and cured by people nowadays. The health condition is much reliable to the individual lifestyles. Thus, the health care issues are more like subjective issues of individual attitude. Building stronger and healthier body and preventing aging will lead us to a happier life but it is not urgent and necessary.

To sum up,  I cannot agree with the issue stated in the topic that people should put more attentions on the health care than the environment, especially in the consideration of the destructed environment we have to deal with.

整体被改动的地方不多，论述得比较清楚，扣题很紧，有很多亮点词汇，这是优点。
句式较简单，变化不多，层次有时候没有区分，要多用信号词，比如what’s more, in addition, however，之类的，这个需要改进

rjyuuUID: 2591508

1.结构
很好
2.论点
很清晰
3论证
恩。。。。好像
没什么小家碧玉的例子
4.语言
恩。。。有些句子是硬译过来的哦
虽然
呵呵
读的懂
很好！！
继续努力！！

As the global population growsfast, it becomes a harsh and urgent issure whether we shouldput more attentions on（attach more emphasis to…pay more attention to） the health care than theenvironment and nature and how to balance them. As far as I can see, theenvironment issue is more urgent at present and involved in the long-term benfit.Thus I think we should put more attentions and efforts on it. % ]3 @1 Y* S3 d
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Firstly, the environment problem isbecoming more and more urgent in the recent year.  Innumerablespecies are facing with（at the brink of） extinction at present because of the environmentdestruction and pollution. Also the water resource is in shortage due to thedischarge of sewage from the industries. In addition, how to reduce the carbon(carbon dioxide) emission and control the energyconsumption to prevent the climate change(这个
不算问题吧
打雷要下雨。。。) and global warming alsobecomes  a common issue at present. All the issues stated above arevery urgent nowadays but we still don't（haven’t） find good ways to resolve.# w" ^! D. M! ?5 Q

+p) S& N- z4 r0 A2 dSecondly, environment issues are involved in thelong-term influence. Some of them are permanently affected, such as speciesextinction or no more ice coated(为什么全球变暖冰盖变厚呢) on the arctic ocean due to the global warming. Inface of these problems, no one could disassociate oneself（himself or herself） from it, because we could live nowhere except for(but on) the earth. In order to getsustainable development, we should be responsible for our younger generation.Thus we should never neglect of theenvironment issues in a long term.$ T1 o4 K! Q6 M* h0 k, X

&{' K: Z7 _( w+ MIn addition, health care is nearly(more) anindividual issue but the enviroment can be public and socially effected.(这句有点chinglish) Much of diseases can be controled andcured by people nowadays. The health condition is muchreliable（depends more on） to the individual lifestyles. Thus, the health care issues are more likesubjective issues of individual attitude.(这句绝对是硬翻的) Building stronger and healthier body and preventing aging will lead usto a happier life but it is not urgent and necessary.0 w  D1 o7 d8 ^8 b
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To sum up,  I cannot agree with the issue stated in the topic thatpeople should put more attentions on the health care than the environment,especially in the consideration of the destructed environment we have to dealwith.