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51# emteddybear
88 "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."
科学技术不但影响而且决定了社会风俗和道德规范。
1.因为科技,我们社会发生巨大变化,习俗和道德不可避免被影响。(我们过去喜欢在圣诞节用贺卡表达祝福,现在我们是用电子邮箱发送祝福,或者短信。过去,在维多利亚时代( Victorian times),一家人空的时候会作游戏,会有家庭活动,而现在更多的是一家人各看各得电视.人们的观念也不断变化着。)遗传学的研究使人们认识到近亲结婚的坏处(intermarriage, genetics)
2.科技是不会决定我们的社会习俗和道德( 因为习俗和道德观念都是从古至今流传下来,几千年历史,而科技是近200年才出现的东西。而且科技进步太快,一时的流行,而习俗和伦理道德是永恒的东西。科技都是给以我们物质的满足,而习俗和道德之类内心的东西。比如科技再怎么进步,都不会改变父母对孩子的爱),感恩节。即使外在的一些习俗表现变了,但是习俗本身代表社会意义没变。
3.相反,有时我们的社会习俗和道德成为决定科技走向的一个方面。(比如CLONE 技术之类,而且我们更多的关注环保技术的发展,这也是我们的道德决定我们这样做。)
所以我们要正确的看待科学对我们社会产生的影响,而不是一概而论。
TOPIC: ISSUE88 - "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."
WORDS: 353
TIME: 00:45:00 +
00:45:00
DATE: 2010-3-2 22:27:25
第一次限时失败,只写了353,改了之后一共只有486 都不知道怎么发散了,指点一下下
As the development of technology, our society has been changed a lot. And I concede that the technology influence the social customs and ethics a lot, but I don't agree with that they are determined by the technologies.
First of all, the technologies, as the necessary tools, have changed our daily life a lot, which makes our social customs and ethics influenced. Sometimes, to make our life more comfortable, faster and more efficiency, we must choose the modern technologic methods and give up(直接换成 instead of 简洁明了) the old ways.
For example, in the old time, we communicated with others far away from us by letters, which must cost a long time. And latter, we use telephones to talk to anyone who has a phone immediately.(打电话改变了人们的交流方式?那跟道德规范又有什么联系呢?得进一步说明交流方式促进了我们的社会风俗) But now, besides the letter and the telephone, the widest used communication tools are emails or MSN, especially for our young. Additionally, in the past, people would like to get marriage with someone who had the kinship with us. But the technologies tell people that it is wrong to do this and it does not satisfy the theory of evolution, which would easily have disabled next generations. And this theory make us changed our marriage ideas in ethics, which follows the deep will for our flourish human beings.
例子太多 论证太少 举例之前最好论证清楚交流方式的进步导致社会风俗的变化和发展
我觉得你的思路可以这样:
先说科技改变道德规范和社会风俗 然后on the one hand 来论证科技对社会风俗的影响 然后举例
on the other hand 在论证科技对道德规范的影响 在举例
However, the technologies will not determine our social customs and ethics. Social customs and ethics all come from the human nature, which has been with our human history and never will be changed.(第一段才说科技改变风俗道德,这里又直接说科技没法改变...很矛盾 最好加个限定比如说什么样的风俗道德是科技无法改变的?) While the technologies are something popular and appeared in the latest 300 years, which are possibly old fashioned in some days. They only play as the role of our tools. Human beings, as the judge of the world, to create something, such as the technologies, to satisfied our need in our inner heart, whose carrier is our social customs and ethics. So no matter what the technologies would be, they cannot determine the social customs and ethics. Just as that whatever the society is, the fact that a mother loves her children will not be changed, that no matter how fast our life rhythm(生活节奏应该是pace of life吧) is, families will be together in Thanks giving day.
这段我想作者要说的是说了科学技术更新快,撼动人类几千年积累下来的那些东西已经是经过时间的考验并且在人们心中根深蒂固了 但是你说了科学技术更新快后就没在进一步分析这个现象跟道德规范之间的关系了 我觉得你这里可以更深入一点 说随着科学技术的更新,表面上的肤浅的一些风俗道德可以随之改变,但是人们内心深处的一些最基本的风俗和道德是不会改变的 比如说你的例子,升华一下就是人们的感恩之心,母爱,对美好东西的追求,等等等等
What's more, the technologies will be determined by our society customs and ethics. As mentioned above, the technologies are only the tools of human being. The driving source of the technologies is human needs. (思维三级跳了 这里应该加个过渡句说风俗和道德影响人们的需求 那么文章看起来就很自然了)So society customs and ethics determine the trends of the technologies. For example, intent to understand our human beings body constructions, people make the reach of the biology and medical, which have achieved so much that people can copy ourselves. That is clone. But the program has collided with our esthetics, so(as a result) the esthetics to determine that we must stop this program doing more reaches.
这一段的论证逻辑倒是清楚,科技由人类需求决定而道德和风俗又影响着人类的需求
In conclusion, the technologies indeed influence our social customs and ethics, but not can the technologies determine the social customs and ethics, they are determined by the social customs and ethics.
论点倒是很好 不过还是老样子缺少其它连接词的运用所以显得文章很混乱以及写Issue的时候最好不要用第一人称,改用第三人称 |
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