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本帖最后由 algabra 于 2010-3-7 21:27 编辑
111# emteddybear
改111楼
TOPIC: ISSUE208 - "The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."
1.
the way people look, dress and act reveals their attitudes and interests
2.
furthermore, the appearance and actions was influenced by some other outer factors like custom and culture; by observing people’ looking and actions, we can acquaint the ideas and values of society
3.
However, the
Generally, the way people look, dress, and act reveal their attitudes and interests. Sometimes, the appearance and actions are affected by outer factors, from which we can know some ideas and values of society. However, when considering some deepest inner thoughts of people, the appearance and action may do not work.
First of all, the way people look and dress reveal people's desire and preference. A boy, who likes football game, usually wears the soccer uniform with the same number as his favorite football player.(这个,个人觉得不一定耶,或者可以说,当看到一个小男孩穿着足球服,可以推测他很喜欢足球;更符合你的TS) For one thing, it takes his appreciation for this player, for another it tells us his best wish of being such a good player. A girl, who is interested in cartoon, often wears T-shirts with cartoon figurer printed, because she thinks these T-shirts are much more beautiful than others without these pictures, and she wishes it will make her lovelier just like the cartoon. Moreover, the ways people act point out their attitudes and interests. When a boy meets his secret admirer, he is unconsciously more initiative and speaks more words to attract the girl's attention. This abnormal action exposes the boy's attitude about the girl. So, sometimes how people conduct and what they wear tells us their interests and attitudes.
Furthermore, the actions and appearance are affected by some other factors like custom and culture. By observing their behaviors and dressing (更对称,也简洁), we can understand some social ideas and values. For example, American are famous for their warm, cheerful, and not bothering the trifles. When we meet an American, he/she will say "hello" to us forwardly whether we are acquaintances or not. And they are not likely to judge a person by his/her appearance. No matter you wear a tie or a T-shirt, they all will admire you. And as for appearance, they like dress themselves with some colorful clothes, which shows their passion for life. And all these facts reflect that America is a nation pursuiting equality, passion and respects.
这段似乎过多地说明了这个例子,但是没有解释清楚它的意义,如何支持了topic sentence
However, when considering some deepest inner thoughts of people, the appearance and actions may do not work. Because, some times people are not willing or unable to expose their deepest thoughts to others.(这个因果有些勉强,看了下文才明白过来) Under some formal occasion, people conceal his love, heats, or jealous for somebody. For example, when a girl is jealous for others' beauty in a formal party, and if she shows the jealousy out, it will make her an ungracious girl, which cannot be tolerated in the etiquette. So most of the time, she keeps the thoughts as their secrets, and smiles to everyone. No one may know there is such kind of emotions, except that she tells out. In addition, sometimes people must follow their role in the society, which is the hidden rule. Otherwise, they will be abandoned by reality. For example, when a person is a public officer, he must dress himself with uniform. This is the basic requirement of his occupation. Otherwise, leisure dressing impairs the prestige of government. However, it is possible that the person is a fashion follower, and if he does as he like, he will be fired by his superior, or complained by citizens. As a result, he always dresses them with unchangeable uniform, which is not his interest yet. From here we can see, on occasion our eyes lie to us.
可以引用谚语,比如不可以貌取人之类的,来支持论点~ 另外,作者的思维深度还可以拓展得更深一点~
In summary, appearance and conduct of people sometimes can tell their attitude and interest, but at times can not. And the way people look, dress and act are affected by society, and the way also reflects the ideas and values of society.
感觉作者的逻辑还可以加强,特别是思维深度,还有就是有点chiglish,文章不够通顺,常常要仔细想想才能猜出作者的意思大概是什么...
还有注意语法~
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