1010G零散版友作文互改帖（Issue）

hubuwzmUID：2780413

贴上自己的：望猛拍
ISSUE 190 - "As long as people in a society are hungry or out of work or lack the basic skills needed to survive, the use of public resources to support the arts is inappropriate-and, perhaps, even cruel-when one considers all the potential uses of such money."
字数：502
用时：0:51:06
日期：2010/7/27

With recently increasing attention was paid on serious social problems including hungry, unemployment, ecological environment problems and population aging situation, and the issue of whether governments should use the public resources to support the arts is now drawing more attention than before. The author insist that this kind of investment is inappropriate and perhaps, even cruel, when considered all the potential uses of such money. As to my standpoint, I strongly disagree with the speaker's claim. Investigation in arts is not contradicted with the survey of people, sometimes may benefit humanity as well.

To illustrate my standpoint step by step, I would like to analysis the importance of arts on human life. For contemporary society, we spare no efforts to pursuing the suitable quality life, and ignore the spiritual life. Whereas, the process of human's socialization teaches us the personality, character, norms, cultures have played significant roles in the progress of today's society. As one of the most important way to acquire these human traits, the arts provides us different angles to have a vision from the deep inner heat. When we are depressed, county music provide us comfortable melody to release ourselves. Through studying numerous great works can we learn the contemporary social situation of ancient people, and provide experience of today's construction. In conclusion, the role of the arts cannot be overlooked.

The author claims that governments should not support the arts, for being anxious about the basic living conditions cannot be improved if we provide lots of money in the arts. From my own prospect, these worrying is based on the false understanding the potential function of the arts. A proper example can illustrate my assertion, Indian film industry Bollywood, which is well known as the Hollywood in America is heavily provided financial by Indian government, and which provides countless jobs for film related industry workers as a result. The Indian government also provides various incentives for foreign companies to film and produce their movies in India. These incentives have contributed to Indian economy, thereby stimulating job growth and wealth that can be applied toward education, job training and social programs. The great beneficiary is the whole people of the country, so the living condition and the life level are greatly improved.

To improve the condition of people's life, the government can do a lot, however investigation on the arts cannot be overlooked, and the balance should be taken during the process of development of society. For most artists before they become famous, they live a simple life. We may not imagine how Van Gogh lives his simple life and create the great paint such as the sunflower at the same time. The artists are great builders of human spirits, who can provide their basic living conditions; government cannot omit its responsibilities.

In conclusion, the arts are indeed need government's investigation, which can provide countless jobs and improve the situation of people's living standard. So the author's claim is suspectable when he overlooks the potential function of the arts.

figuechenUID：2850619

151# hubuwzm


151L同学请注意规则。。。要先改别人的才能发自己的。。。

sucre1990UID：2619918

贴上自己的：望猛拍
ISSUE 190 - "As long as people in a society arehungry or out of work or lack the basic skills needed to survive, the use ofpublic resources to support the arts is inappropriate-and, perhaps, evencruel-when one considers all the potential uses of such money."
字数：502
用时：0:51:06
日期：2010/7/27
With recently increasing attention was（用现在时更好） paid on serious social problems including hungry,unemployment, ecological environment problems and population aging situation,and the issue of whether governments should use the public resources to supportthe arts is now drawing more attention than before. The author insist that thiskind of investment is inappropriate and perhaps, even cruel, when consideredall the potential uses of such money. As to my standpoint, I strongly disagreewith the speaker's claim. Investigation in arts is not contradicted with the survey ofpeople, sometimes may benefit humanity as well.
To illustrate my standpoint step by step, I would like toanalysis the importance of arts on human life. For（In） contemporary society, we spare no efforts to pursuing（pursue 这个to不是介词） the suitable（high高品质生活） quality life, and ignore thespiritual life. Whereas, the process of human's socialization teaches us thepersonality, character, norms, cultures have played significant roles in theprogress of today's society. As one of the most important way to acquire thesehuman traits, the arts provides us different angles to have a vision from thedeep inner heat. When we are depressed, county（country） music provide us comfortable melody to release ourselves.Through studying numerous great works can we learn the contemporary socialsituation of ancient people, and provide experience of（for） today's construction. In conclusion, the role of the artscannot be overlooked.
The author claims that governments should not support thearts, for being anxious about the basic living conditions cannot be improved ifwe provide lots of money in the arts. From my own prospect, these worrying isbased on the false understanding the potential function of the arts. A properexample can illustrate my assertion, Indian film industry Bollywood, which is well known as the Hollywood in America is heavilyprovided financial by Indian government(这句语法有问题，剧中有两个谓语), and which provides countless jobs for film relatedindustry workers as a result. The Indian government also provides variousincentives for foreign companies to film（to film是什么意思？） and produce their movies inIndia. These incentives have contributed to Indian economy, thereby stimulating job growth and wealth（这里因果有点问题应该是刺激工作岗位增长因此经济增长，而且stimulating 和wealth感觉不能搭配吧） that can be applied toward
（on）education, job training andsocial programs. The great beneficiary is thewhole people of the country, so the living condition and the life level aregreatly improved.（这里也有前面因果的问题）
To improve the condition of people's life, the governmentcan do a lot, however investigation on the arts cannot be overlooked, and thebalance should be taken during the process of development of society. For mostartists before they become famous, they live a simple life. We may not imaginehow Van Gogh lives his simple life and create the great paint such as the sunflower（Sunflower）
at the same time. The artists are great builders of human spirits, who canprovide their basic living conditions（这句有点看不懂）;government cannot omit its responsibilities.(我查了google似乎没有这么说逃避责任的推荐avoidance of responsibility; side-step a responsibility)
In conclusion, the arts are indeed need government'sinvestigation, which can provide countless jobs and improve the situation ofpeople's living standard. So the author's claim is suspectable when heoverlooks the potential function of the arts.

从文中的用词方面可以看出作者确实花了心思的，文章的思路也很清晰，语法和用词方面需要修改的可能就是文中找出的那些了。
在论证方面作者先说明了自己的观点投资艺术不一定与改善生活相矛盾，后面依次写到了投资艺术对人们的重要性，然后又写到了社会投资艺术也会促进人民生活的提高，最后写到了社会对艺术应该赞助有不可推卸的责任。整体来说观点和论证都好，但最后论证社会的责任那里出了点问题，我读着意思大概懂，但感觉不到位。
以上是我的观点，如有理解不对希望大家一起交流。共同进步

sucre1990UID：2619918

51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

As the society steps into a high speed-developing and information age, the spirit of individual's creativities and the realization of self-fulfillment are more highlighted than any time before. Therefore, I strongly agree with the statement that to make an effective education we should make it individual needs-oriented and interested-met basing on the purpose of education--to cultivate person better contributes the society.

  To begin with, given the fact that people are born to be different, receiving their own unique education plan according to their special talent will help them tap their potentials. Take Michael Schumacher who is called the King of Formula 1 and almost broke all the records in the Formula 1 matches which is the fastest car racing match for example. In Michael’s childhood, his father found he had a special talent of driving. Then his father began to send him to learn how to drive Karting which is a small type of racing car instead of forcing him to receive public education. Then Schumacher becomes the world champion and the great racer we know today. All that he has written in the history of motor racing prove his father's talent-oriented education is a success. And without practices like this, a lot of genius will disappear. Can you image Ding Junhui, the world top-rank snooker pool player, would win the first title in the championship of snooker pool, if his father didn't cultivate his special potential in billiards, but make him receive normal education? As different person owns different characteristic, we should educate them separately.

  In addition, to the emotion respect, as everyone's feeling needs are different, special care of individual’s sentiment seems irreplaceable. During the process of growing up, teenagers' emotions are always their weakness. To some extent, how teenagers are guided mentally determines what people they will be in the future. According to a survey among the people in prison lead by Professor Gurrinder Singh Khanna in University of Delhi, more than 50% of the criminals are the ones who were always neglected in their childhood or they were born in a divorce family which means they were lack of due-care. It cannot directly deduct that their unmoral behaviors are due to their comfort absence, but we cannot deny that if there is someone cares about their feelings in their special period, the situations will be different. Moreover, a lot of movies nowadays are calling society for its attention on adolescences' issues. It shows the in education meeting individual's special needs is more crucial than ever.  

  Finally, the society today badly needs people with its own perspective. In that point, education system which is meant to bring up people better contribute to the society should put more emphasis on fostering individual's different identity. And only like this can education be called effective at present.

  Nevertheless, it has the possibilities that there will be a kind of chaos if some unreasonable needs and interests are fulfilled in short term. However, when one is better guided mentally and personally, their moral standards will keep them making the wrong decisions.

  In summary, the society is like a jigsaw puzzle, and every person is a part of it. Every part is distinguished from others and every part counts. Only if every part appears its own image, can the whole society shows a wonderful outlook. Education's final goal is to make our society look perfect. Therefore, education's key is in personal developing.

anniehalUID：2716032

51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

As the society steps into a high speed-developing and information age, the spirit of individual's creativities and the realization of self-fulfillment are more highlighted than any time before. Therefore, I strongly agree with the statement that to make an effective education we should make it individual needs-oriented and interested-met basing on the purpose of education--to cultivate person better contributes the society.

  To begin with, given the fact that people are born to be different, receiving their own unique education plan according to their special talent will help them tap（） their potentials. Take Michael Schumacher who is called the King of Formula 1 and almost broke all the records in the Formula 1 matches which is the fastest car racing match （这个take后面的太长了点，读起来好绕阿）for example. In Michael’s childhood, his father found he had a special talent of driving. Then his father began to send him to learn how to drive Karting which is a small type of racing car instead of forcing him to receive public education. Then Schumacher becomes the world champion and the great racer as we know it today. All that he has written in the history of motor racing prove his father's talent-oriented education is a success. And without practices like this, a lot of genius will disappear. Can you image Ding Junhui, the world top-rank snooker pool player, would win the first title in the championship of snooker pool, if his father didn't cultivate his special potential in billiards, but make him receive normal education(疑问句太长会没重点的)? As different person owns different characteristic, we should educate them separately.

  In addition, to the emotion respect, as everyone's feeling needs（用need for..比较好） are different, special care of individual’s sentiment seems irreplaceable. During the process of growing up, teenagers' emotions are always their weakness（感情是弱项？）. To some extent, how（the way） teenagers are guided mentally determines what people they will be in the future. According to a survey among the people in prison lead by Professor Gurrinder Singh Khanna in University of Delhi, more than 50% of the criminals are the ones who were always neglected in their childhood or they were born in a divorce family which means they were lack of due-care. It cannot directly deduct（减少？） that their unmoral behaviors are due to their comfort absence(有点奇怪这个), but we cannot deny that if there is someone cares about their feelings in their special period,（这个语法是没错了，但三个there,their读起来很不顺呢。。） the situations will be different. Moreover, a lot of movies nowadays are calling society for its attention on adolescences' issues. It shows the in education（？？）
meeting individual's special needs is more crucial than ever.  

  Finally, the society today badly needs people with its own perspective. In that point, education system which is meant to bring up people better contribute to the society should put more emphasis on fostering individual's different identity. And only like this can education be called effective at present.

  Nevertheless, it has the possibilities that there will be a kind of chaos if some unreasonable needs and interests are fulfilled in short term. However, when one is better guided mentally and personally, their moral standards will keep them making the wrong decisions.（这段。。俄。。
要反证吧，说服力不够。）

  In summary, the society is like a jigsaw puzzle, and every person is a part of it. Every part is distinguished from others and every part counts. Only if every part appears its own image, can the whole society shows a wonderful outlook. Education's final goal is to make our society look perfect. Therefore, education's key is in personal developing.

前面思路还是挺清楚的。但B3 B4就有点站不住脚跟了。完全都是陈述句，有主观臆断的感觉，例证不够充分。

个人意见，仅供参考~
祝共同进步拉！

anniehalUID：2716032

TOPIC: ISSUE56 - "Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future."
WORDS: 357-602         TIME: 00:34:30          DATE: 2010-7-28 10:20:51

It is true that solving the immediate problems of today is an urgent responsibility for governments that they should meet the exact needs of citizens. However, considering the future life of people, solving the anticipated problems should also be an important task for governors. In my point of view, both of them are of great importance, and it is a dilemma for governors to decide how to balance these two.

It is widely agreed that governments should serve to improve the general welfare and solve the immediate problems, such as developing the country's economy, helping victims suffered from natural catastrophes, and so on. Take the earthquake of Heidi as an example. After the earthquake, the whole Haiti government put a great emphasis on finding survivals, building temporary shelters for victims, and saving injuries lives. That should be the priority of Haiti government at that time rather than concerning about other anticipated problems, such as the distinction of polar bears or the potential star wars. If the government does not act on this kind of pressing problems related to people’s livelihood, it will be difficult for citizens to recover from the issues by themselves and the public may doubt the working ability of the government, or even angry about them. Therefore, seeking for methods to solve the issues of today is a paramount important obligation for government.

However, considering the anticipated problems of the future is also of equal importance since this kind of problems is possible to affect the well-being of all the species, including humane. Governments around the world are now putting huge efforts on solving the potential problems, such as the degradation of the depletion of atmospheric ozone, the possible increasing of global warming, and so forth. If these issues evolve as worse as we imagine, more animals will have to face the danger of extinction and the mankind are possible to suffer from more diseases. It is true that these problems will not lay an adverse effect on our lives immediately, while we may have no methods to solve them when the degradation is too much for us to afford, if we keep ignoring the anticipated danger today. Hence, seeking the way to solve the potential problems of the future is also of significant importance for the benefit of offspring.

Frankly speaking, I should commit that the money and energy of any government is limited; therefore it is the governor's responsibility to properly allocate their resource and make sure all the budgets are used worthily. When it comes to those urgent issues like helping victims who just gone through the natural disaster or financially supporting citizens who live under poverty and starvation, governments are certainly required dealing with these problems. Whilst, at the same time, they should also pay attention to try to solve the anticipated ones, for which are possible to interfere the future lives of us all. And the effort we make today will help the next generation to obtain the fruit of tomorrow. In my point of view, these two facets are not mutually exclusive, but the point it how to coordinate them wisely and properly. Difficult it is to find a balance of both two issues, but responsible it is for governments.

From the discussion above, we can easily find the conclusion that solving immediate problems of today and trying to solve anticipated ones are both important for governments. Because of one is concerned with the lives of contemporary people, while the other is related to the lives of offspring. And it is the governments’ obligation to find a proper balance for these two issues.

figuechenUID：2850619

改156L

TOPIC: ISSUE56 - "Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future."
WORDS: 357-602         TIME: 00:34:30          DATE: 2010-7-28 10:20:51

It is true that solving the immediate problems of today is an urgent responsibility for governments that they should meet the exact needs of citizens. [红字的成分？这句的语法我没看懂]However, considering the future life of people, solving the anticipated problems should also be an important task for governors. In my point of view, both of them are of great importance, and it is a dilemma [dilemma是两难问题的意思吧？用在这里感觉不太合适啊]for governors to decide how to balance these two.

It is widely agreed that governments should serve to improve the general welfare and solve the immediate problems, such as developing the country's economy, helping victims suffered from natural catastrophes, and so on. Take the earthquake of Heidi as an example. After the earthquake, the whole [这个词多余了吧]Haiti government put a great emphasis on finding [looking for更恰当一些]survivals, building temporary shelters for victims, and saving injuries lives. That should be the priority of Haiti government at that time rather than concerning about other anticipated problems, such as the distinction of polar bears [这个不合适吧，海地政府本来就不管什么极地熊的死活，海地又不在极地] or the potential star wars. [我觉得这两个关于未来问题的假设不是很恰当，可以说点关于海地的实在一点的假设，这两个问题说实话本来也不在海地政府的预想之中]If the government does not act on this kind of pressing problems related to people’s livelihood, it will be difficult for citizens to recover from the issues [直接用disaster就好了，不用那么绕]by themselves and the public may doubt the working ability of the government, or even angry about [be angry about，漏了谓语动词]them. Therefore, seeking for methods to solve the issues of today is a paramount important obligation for government.

However, considering the anticipated problems of the future is also of equal importance since this kind of problems is possible to affect the well-being of all the species, including humane. [humane? 人道的]Governments around the world are now putting [之前有过Put了，换个place吧]huge efforts on solving the potential problems, such as the degradation of the depletion of atmospheric ozone, the possible increasing of global warming, and so forth. If these issues evolve as worse as we imagine, more animals will have to face the danger of extinction and the mankind are possible to [我不知道somebody能不能直接加be possible to？我记得只有be likely to可以直接跟在人后面。Possible的话一般用法是it is possible for somebody to do something]suffer from more diseases. It is true that these problems will not lay an adverse effect on our lives immediately, while we may have no methods to solve them when the degradation is too much for us to afford, if we keep ignoring the anticipated danger today. Hence, seeking the way to solve the potential problems of the future is also of significant importance for the benefit of offspring.

Frankly speaking, I should commit that the money and energy of any government is limited; therefore it is the governor's responsibility to properly allocate their resource and make sure all the budgets are used worthily. When it comes to those urgent issues like helping victims who just gone through the natural disaster or financially supporting citizens who live under poverty and starvation, governments are certainly required dealing with these problems. Whilst, at the same time, they should also pay attention to try [pay attention to doing]to solve the anticipated ones, for which are possible to interfere the future lives of us all. And the effort we make today will help the next generation to obtain the fruit of tomorrow. In my point of view, these two facets are not mutually exclusive, but the point it how to coordinate them wisely and properly. Difficult it is [Difficult as it is？我不知道as可不可以省略，但如果是表让步的意思的话原来是有这个as的]to find a balance of both two issues, but responsible it is for governments.

From the discussion above, we can easily find [find the conclusion？这个搭配好奇怪]the conclusion that solving immediate problems of today and trying to solve anticipated ones are both important for governments. Because of [后面跟了从句的就用Because就行了]one is concerned with the lives of contemporary people, while the other is related to the lives of offspring. And it is the governments’ obligation to find a proper balance for these two issues.

整篇文章思路很好，逻辑也比较强。语言方面还算流畅，有些语病已经在文章里挑出来了。总的来说不错~

祝共同进步~

figuechenUID：2850619

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

WORDS: 593          TIME: 00:50:00          DATE: 2010-7-26 9:36:33

    This is nowhere more true than the assertion that forgotten individuals are the keys to the advancements in human history. However, never shall we forget the heroes in history not only because they push society forward but also due to the detailed record of their doings and lives.
    Initially, we will find that forgotten individuals have contributed a lot to those significant events if we cast a look back in history. For revolutionary events, it is groups of people rather than a certain few leaders that overthrew the authority. For instance, when dealing with the French Revolution, we focused on specific leaders such as Robespierre at most of the time. However, citizens in Paris are also attributable to the revolution. They went on parades in the streets; they joined the riots to overthrow Louis XVI; they helped attack the Bastille. Those effective leaders will achieve nothing without the supports of people. What's more, for events concerning development, it is the work of people that result in the social advancements. For example, the development of capitalism depends on the workers, whose hard work brought about prosperous societies in western countries. Society will cease to move forward without their contributions. An analogy can be drawn with the history and the groups of people: the history is like a ship as the groups of people are like water drops in the rivers. It is stream in the river that drives the ship towards a certain destination.
    However, the importance of famous people should not be overlooked in the development of society. Foremost, those famous people are the leaders as well as representatives of the forgotten individuals, which indicates their higher significance to the groups of people. Take Martin Luther King for example, he was one of the millions of African Americans who were suffering from the racial segregation. What makes the difference was that he was the pillar of the Civil Rights Movement. Although we admit that forgotten individuals were of great importance, the status of Martin Luther King was obviously higher than any one of them due to his unique virtue of leading the movement. In addition, the history would have changed without a certain famous few. For example, India would have been under the rule of Britain for another decade without Gandhi. He drove the colonists away with Non-cooperation Movement and led India towards the destination of prosper and happiness. Another example is Winston Churchill. Without his bloods, tears and swears, the Britain would have been defeated by Nazi long before. They were the people who have rewritten the page of history, and they deserved the honor of being paid attention to.
    Finally, in that both of the two kinds of people are worthy placing emphasis on, the reason why groups of people are forgotten is that there was little information concerning them. To record history, we taken down the significant events and people rather than groups of people, and therefore it is not easy to identify the information about groups of people. With the lack of information, the emphasis of studying history has to be focused on the famous few. Besides, the reasoning above has illustrated the point that those individuals are representative to the groups of people. Thereby we can infer the characteristics of the groups of people from those of the famous few.
    After all, the subtle balance between individuals and groups of people should be well kept. It has remains a difficult task for thousands of years for historians, and it will continue to be. Hard as it is, necessary it is.

请狠拍，谢楼下~

tyarelUID：2756223

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

WORDS: 593          TIME: 00:50:00          DATE: 2010-7-26 9:36:33

    This is nowhere more true than the assertion that forgotten individuals are the keys to the advancements in human history. However, never shall we forget the heroes in history not only because they push society forward but also due to the detailed record of their doings and lives.
    Initially, we will find that forgotten individuals have contributed a lot to those significant events if we cast a look back in history. For revolutionary events, it is groups of people rather than a certain few leaders that overthrew the authority. For instance, when dealing with the French Revolution, we focused on specific leaders such as Robespierre at most of the time. However, citizens in Paris are also attributable to the revolution. They went on parades in the streets; they joined the riots to overthrow Louis XVI; they helped attack the Bastille. Those effective leaders will achieve nothing without the supports of people. What's more, for events concerning development, it is the work of people that result in the social advancements. For example, the development of capitalism depends on the workers, whose hard work brought about prosperous societies in western countries. Society will cease to move forward without their contributions. An analogy can be drawn with the history and the groups of people: the history is like a ship as the groups of people are like water drops in the rivers. It is stream in the river that drives the ship towards a certain destination.
    However, the importance of famous people should not be overlooked in the development of society. Foremost, those famous people are the leaders as well as representatives of the forgotten individuals, which indicates their higher significance to the groups of people. Take Martin Luther King for example, he was one of the millions of African Americans who were suffering from the racial segregation. What makes the difference was that he was the pillar of the Civil Rights Movement. Although we admit that forgotten individuals were of great importance, the status of Martin Luther King was obviously higher than any one of them due to his unique virtue of leading the movement. In addition, the history would have changed without a certain famous few. For example, India would have been under the rule of Britain for another decade without Gandhi. He drove the colonists away with Non-cooperation Movement and led India towards the destination of prosper and happiness. Another example is Winston Churchill. Without his bloods, tears and swears, the Britain would have been defeated by Nazi long before. They were the people who have rewritten the page of history, and they deserved the honor of being paid attention to.
    Finally, in that both of the two kinds of people are worthy placing emphasis on, the reason why groups of people are forgotten is that there was little information concerning them. To record history, we taken down the significant events and (few) people rather than groups (of people可以省掉), and therefore it is not easy to identify the information about groups of people. With the lack of information, the emphasis of studying history has to be focused on the famous few. Besides, the reasoning above has illustrated the point that those individuals are representative to the groups of people. Thereby we can infer the characteristics of the groups of people from those of the famous few.
    After all, the subtle balance between individuals and groups of people should be well kept. It has remains a difficult task for thousands of years for historians, and it will continue to be. Hard as it is, necessary it is.

就文章本身来说，整体思路结构很清晰，逻辑也比较完善
有个地方有点疑问，首段末due to the detailed record of their doings and lives. 的逻辑不是很明白。“我们不应该忘记那些个人，因为他们行为的细致记录”？不太理解你的意思，另外这个是从文章的哪一个部分体现出来的？还有就是，Finally一段，讲的是为什么我们忽略大众？那最好在你的首段带一下，否则感觉就是和全文没有关系的一段内容，老实说我倒觉得不一定要这段，毕竟这不是你的观点
至于还有一个，我不是很肯定，但是希望你自己也研究一下，我觉得你的文章有些偏题了。我认为这是一道事实性的题目，论述的重点应该在于题目所说的emphasis too much是否是存在的，而不是是否应该。这个你可以参考下这个帖子，https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=201853

tyarelUID：2756223

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

WORDS: 666
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010/7/28 14:28:46

Nowadays, people are not satisfied with the education that just provides information through books. Students are required to become more social since it is really essential to them to adapt the society after graduation as soon as possible and meanwhile only students, who are socialized, can bring about a better society. In my opinion, maybe we have not done enough, but colleges and universities are indeed trying to help students be more social, including providing more principles closely related to reality, facilitating students gaining more experience and fostering students the ability of collaboration.

Undoubtedly, how students are socialized is increasing important and employers are not gratified with students having no experience and just commanding the knowledge in the books. What’s more, they also have other requirement to students. Besides expertise, students are expected to master fundamental speech skills, know how to cooperate with colleagues, have ambitions and be good at communicating with others. Students without those skills mentioned are considered as incompetent. It is really tough to them to succeed. Hence, currently professors are attempting to find methods to help students not only have a good command of expertise but also meet the needs of positions.

Foremost, in class, professors always offer more information from outside the academic world. Those gained through professors' items can help students have a rough understanding about the newest principles and the development direction of advanced technology. For instance, my professor in concrete and steel structure always shares his opinions and views about the development of this field on his lessons. In addition, he also tells us a lot about the situation in practice, including how reinforce steels are used in construction and what kind of concrete is used now as well as which material will be used in concrete. Unlike that in the books, which is used maybe 10 years ago, all of this information is keeping pace with the development of the subject. With them, we familiarize ourselves with the possible situation that we may face in the future.

Moreover, another way to help students know more about practice and society is supplying them more chances to put their knowledge in practice. Thus students can have a deeper understanding of their work and accumulate enough experience. As far as I know, our professors always receive items with some students as their assistants. Inexperienced as they are, students can help to analysis some situations, do calculation and collect information. Sometimes they will also be asked to do some work on their own. Take the applied mechanics institute in which I study as an example. After Sichuan Earthquake, our professors brought some of us to Sichuan, observed the remains and did some analysis for some firms to figure out why their buildings collapsed so easily when facing earthquake. This experience helped us a lot to have an understanding what exact our work is and what should we do in practice. It is beneficial to us to get ready for work after graduation.

Last but not least, other abilities besides expertise are also necessary to students, like skills of cooperation. Professors often assign team work, in which students can know how to be a leader and learn to consider more for the team rather than individual. After classes, students are also encouraged to participate in associations or clubs, which are organized by themselves. Through those activities, they can master the skills of communication since they have to contact a variety of people and serve for the corporations. And all of these facilities are useful in the future because they are all vital to those students hoping for success. Now, colleges and universities are offering chances to students to foster these capabilities in advance.

All in all, it is generally acknowledged that how students are socialized is really important to students themselves and to our society. But unlike the statement, I think people have recognized that and are trying hard to raise children to help bring about a better society.

谢谢lx

anniehalUID：2716032

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 666
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010/7/28 14:28:46
Nowadays, people are not satisfied with the education that just provides information through books. Students are required to become more social since it is really essential to(for) them to adapt to the society after graduation as soon as possible and m .Meanwhile only students, who are socialized, can bring about a better society. In my opinion, maybe we have not done enough, but colleges and universities are indeed trying to help students be more social, including providing more principles closely related to reality, facilitating students gaining more experience and fostering students the ability of collaboration.(朋友，文章提干是children呀，怎么全变成student了。。)
Undoubtedly, how students are socialized is increasing important and employers are not gratified with students having no experience and just commanding the knowledge in the books.（太长了。。） What’s more, they also have other requirement to students. Besides expertise, students are expected to master fundamental speech skills, know how to cooperate with colleagues, have ambitions and be good at communicating with others. (词组可以并排，句子的并排其实很chinglish的，见下附1)Students without those skills mentioned are considered as incompetent. It is really tough to（for） them to succeed. Hence, currently professors are attempting to find methods to help students not only have a good command of expertise but also meet the needs of positions.(children 有没有给我们带来better society呢?? 主旨每体现出来啊)
Foremost, in class, professors always offer more information from outside the academic world. Those gained through professors' items can help students have a rough understanding about the newest principles and the development direction of advanced technology. For instance, my professor in concrete and steel structure always shares his opinions and views about the development of this field on(in) his lessons. In addition, he also tells us a lot about the situation in practice, including how reinforce steels are used in construction and what kind of concrete is used now as well as which material will be used in concrete. Unlike that in the books, which is used maybe 10 years ago, all of this information is keeping pace with the development of the subject. With them, we get familiar with the possible situation that we may face in the future.(还是没体现出创造better society)
Moreover, another way to help students to know more about practice and society is supplying them more chances to put their knowledge in practice. Thus students can have a deeper understanding of their work and accumulate enough experience. As far as I know, our professors always receive items with some students as their assistants. Inexperienced as they are, students can help to analysis some situations, do calculation and collect information.(他们没经验，但是analysis situation???) Sometimes they will also be asked to do some work on their own. Take the applied mechanics institute in which I study as an example. After Sichuan Earthquake, our professors brought some of us to Sichuan, observed the remains and did some analysis for some firms to figure out why their buildings collapsed so easily when facing earthquake. This experience helped us a lot to have an understanding what exact our work is and what should we do in practice. It is beneficial to(for) us to get ready for work after graduation.
Last but not least, other abilities besides expertise are also necessary to students, like skills of cooperation. Professors often assign team work, in which students can know how to be a leader and learn to consider more for the team rather than individual. After classes, students are also encouraged to participate in associations or clubs, which are organized by themselves. Through those activities, they can master the skills of communication since they have to contact a variety of people and serve for the corporations. And all of these facilities are useful in the future because they are all vital to those students hoping for success. Now, colleges and universities are offering chances to students to foster these capabilities in advance.
All in all, it is generally acknowledged that how students are socialized is really important to students themselves and to our society. But unlike the statement, I think people have recognized that and are trying hard to raise children to help bring about a better society.(我好晕阿，全文压根没提到better society，全在说现在的教授知道如何培养学生，他们在怎样培养学生，取得了什么成果云云，但都没提到better society阿)
感觉这片文章作者没有把握主旨，首先，socialize绝对不止学校教育这么简单，出发点就不对了。或者你想只写学校教育的话，开头得有个解释和过度阿。其次，提竿讲的是children，文章中全换成student了，我觉得两者还是有差别的。再次，提竿讲的是raise children，这是一个比学校教育更复杂的、更多元的过程。另外，作者在文中举的例子都只提到了大学教育，有点以偏概全的味道。最重要的是，除了结尾总结，全文没提到过better society，最后又怎么总结到这里去的。。
这篇文章的字数很多，说明作者是完全来得及写的。与其写长篇幅的文章，不如多花点时间理思路。思路一定一定比文章的长度要重要！这是我血的教训啊。。
附1。这是外教帮我改的。我原来写的也是跟你那段一样动词的并排，其实看着很不地道的。作为参考把。（貌似这篇原来是你帮我批地~赫赫）
* People become more brave and courageous by telling the adventures of Columbus, who found discovered the land of America after several months’ voyage; becomethey grow more optimistic and confident by knowing the success of Helen Keller, who were was deaf and blind, but finally obtained the great success as an educator; and they are encouraged to be more determined and persistent by learning the story of Edison, who invented the tungsten bulb light light-bulb after hundreds of failures.

祝共同进步！

anniehalUID：2716032

TOPIC: ISSUE207 - "Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."
WORDS: 490-519         TIME: 00:41:46          DATE: 2010-7-29 16:28:13

Each nation has its own special rituals and ceremonies, and it is true that these ceremonies are one of the most important parts of the culture. However, the sense of identity is formed not only by rituals and ceremonies, but varied distinguished compositions, such as language and traditional values.

Different countries have their own special rituals and ceremonies, which help to distinguish themselves from others. And it is an indispensable part of the culture. In China, when people die, their relatives will hold a series of special rituals such as burning the paper-made house and car for hoping the dead person to have a comfortable life in the heaven, and having a reunion meal with all the members in the family for reminiscing the dead person. These kinds of ceremonies, being passed on for thousands of years, are one of the most important part of Chinese culture, and make us feel more like a Chinese. Hence, whenever we hold rituals and ceremonies, they are reminding us of our own special cultures, and help us feel belonged to the nation.

Moreover, when these kinds of rituals were deprived by others, it is true that individuals will feel a faded sense of identification. Take the American Indian Tribe as an example. When the new American came into the land, the Indian people were forced to be re-educated. Through the so-called civilization process, the Indians do not hold their ceremonies anymore. And the sense of connection to their own culture became weak and diminished. Although many of the Indian tribes now are given their own lands, and the special privilege to have their judicial system, without the ceremonies, they are more like an American, not an Indian. Therefore, the lack of special rituals and ceremonies will surely leave an adverse effect on identity one's own culture.

However, I should also say that to define one's culture, ceremonies are not the only criterion. People around the world speak different languages, believing in varied values, all of which serve to distinguish ourselves from people growing up in other countries. Mandarin has spoken by the Chinese for thousands of years. The beautiful calligraphy and special use of four-character phrases are all important parts of Chinese culture. Moreover, we Chinese have a strong belief that the ancient relatives will protect and prey for the whole family, while the many western people have a more intense feeling for God. In addition, most Chinese people set aside one part of their salaries for saving, while the majority of western countries prefer to use the credit card and their future money. The various languages spoken around the world and the diverse belief and value hold in people from different countries are all important elements to define a culture.

From the discussion above, we can easily arrive at the conclusion that rituals and ceremonies are indeed help us to feel the belonging to our own culture, without which the connection will get weaker. However, in order to define a culture, the rituals are not the only elements. The different languages and values can also serve to distinguish us from others.
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thanks !

anniehalUID：2716032

每人跟阿。。我偷偷顶上去下哦！。。

sucre1990UID：2619918

TOPIC: ISSUE207 - "Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."
WORDS: 490-519         TIME: 00:41:46          DATE: 2010-7-29 16:28:13

Each nation has its own special rituals and ceremonies, and it is true that these ceremonies are one of the most important parts of the culture. However, the sense of identity is formed not only by rituals and ceremonies, but varied distinguished compositions, such as language and traditional values(这里两个都是复数会比较好).

Different countries have their own special rituals and ceremonies, which help to distinguish themselves from others. And it is an indispensable part of the culture. In China, when people die, their relatives will hold a series of special rituals such as burning the paper-made house and car for hoping the dead person to have a comfortable life in the heaven, and having a reunion meal with all the members in(of) the family for reminiscing the dead person. These kinds of ceremonies, being(这个可以去掉) passed on for thousands of years, are one of the most important part(parts) of Chinese culture, and make us feel more like a Chinese. Hence, whenever we hold rituals and ceremonies, they are reminding us of our own special cultures, and help us feel belonged to the nation.

Moreover, when these kinds of rituals were deprived by others, it is true that individuals will feel a faded sense of identification. Take the American Indian Tribe as an example. When the new American came into the land(arrived at the continent会好点), the Indian people were forced to be re-educated. Through the so-called civilization process, the Indians do not hold their ceremonies anymore. And the sense of connection to their own culture became weak and diminished. Although many of the Indian tribes now are given their own lands, and the special privilege to have their judicial system, without the ceremonies, they are more like an American, not an Indian. Therefore, the lack of special rituals and ceremonies will surely leave an adverse effect on identity (identifying) one's own culture.

However, I should also say that to define one's culture, ceremonies are not the only criterion. People around the world speak different languages, believing in varied values, all of which serve to distinguish ourselves from people growing up in other countries. Mandarin(北京还是中国官话?这里Chinese就行了) has spoken by the Chinese for thousands of years. The beautiful calligraphy and special use of four-character phrases are all important parts of Chinese culture. Moreover, we Chinese have a strong belief that the ancient relatives will protect and prey for the whole family, while the many western people have a more intense feeling for God. In addition, most Chinese people set aside one part of their salaries for saving, while the majority of western countries prefer to use the credit card and their future money. The various languages spoken around the world and the diverse belief and value(都应为复数) hold in people from different countries are all important elements to define a culture.

From the discussion above, we can easily arrive at the conclusion that rituals and ceremonies are indeed help us to feel the belonging to our own culture, without which the connection will get weaker. However, in order to define a culture, the rituals are not the only elements. The different languages and values can also serve to distinguish us from others.
-----------
thanks !

哈哈，首先先谢谢你为我改了那么多篇文章，然后还是谢谢
文章写的很好，其中的小错误都写标记出来了（如有不同意请跟我说），论证的思路也很清晰，逻辑性很好。小缺陷是论证语言和信仰也能定义一种文化那里，论证中可能涉及到了宗教，这点我觉得不太好掌握。我看过一个节目说到了国外的人对宗教的定义可能不像中国人那样，所以不太建议举这个例子，还有后面一个例子说到了储蓄，其实这个没有什么根据的，建议作者加个according to a survey之类的强调下。
文章是篇好文章，赞一个，呵呵
祝共同进步。

sucre1990UID：2619918

ISSUE88 - "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."

The writer claims that technologies have been the key opponent to decide social customs and ethics. However, a group's people's social customs and ethics are their unique identity. It is often decided by what the environment the people live,
what the tradition they have and what religion they have faith in. Therefore, I don' t agree with his allegation.

  Admittedly, the development of technologies has great changed our living styles. For example, in the communication respect, people who are far away from each other can communicate via telephone immediately instead of waiting for the next chance to meet face to face. And people now are not willing to write letters in papers and long for the responses for weeks, but they prefer to send e-mails which is fast and reliable. Moreover, how people travel is greatly influenced by modern technology.  In the past how far people can reach usually depends on how long they can walk. Now it is only a matter of fact that when they want to go by the high-developed transportation. However, all above only changes the styles of how we are doing, but it doesn't change the idea of whether we will do.

  People from different regions usually don't have the similar customs. It is always comes from the reason that they live in different environments and they do not share the same history. Take people from China for example, in society, they feel like being modest, and this is what we called customs and it is determined by the principles their ancient imparted. It is their history. You cannot infer that they are changing the customs just from they are now writing a letter in the Internet. Additionally Indian people's main food is rice. Because that the climate in this country is suitable for planting rice. We cannot conclude from they cook rice in a more advanced way to say they are changing their customs. And my point is how we do things may be changing, but it has nothing to do with our tradition and environment. Therefore, it can't change our customs.

  Then, it is the same case to social ethics, what we believe is right is always from the faith we have. Technology is like a more effective tool. Though it brings us convenience, it doesn't affect the core. For example, by the help of computer and good development of civilization engineering, we can rebuild the temple and the pictures which are related to the religion, but the religion itself doesn't change a little. The technology only makes it show better. Moreover, what human beings pursue in the moral level like freedom, goodness and beauty, will always be the same regardless of what the technology we will have.

  In summary, it might be tempting to imply from the author' statement that all of us will share the same customs and ethics, since the globalization makes the same technologies spread all over the world. However, as we look around our world, people are still maintaining their different customs. Because that the customs prove who they are. People still have the same ethics like their grandparents. Because that the ethics support their mental powers. What technologies change is limited on the way to do things, but what matters most like customs and ethics, is always determined by the question that who they are.