明天考T,求作文批改!（加新）

体力活UID: 2866493

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time.


      Considering our current life, which take the big percentage in our time? Work, leisure time or others? Without surprise, most people will answer: work takes the most time in their life. Some people say, so a job with more vacation time is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time, and some people oppose and believe job is the most important thing. However, in my opinion, before conclude the statement, we could think about the goal for our job, and I could not concede the conclusion that job with more vacation time is better.
     Firstly, vacation time is not the only element for considering and choosing a job. When we thinking about my job, interesting, salary, protest, and others elements are more important. For example, I once had a job after leaving school, I only need to go to company half a week, and the job is very easy to accomplish. However, most of time I felt so boring and depressed, because I could not do
what I have learn in my school. After a short time, I decided change my job and became a journalist. Even I am much more busy and need working from morning to night, I enjoy what I am doing , and always feel so happy and excite. Which is more important, I think what I am doing is very valuable in reporting the current news and events.
     Secondly, there is something omitted in the statement. The statement doesn’t tell me about the salary of the job with more vacation time. Salary is the necessary element for choosing a job. If the salary is to low too survive, the job is doubtless worse to the other jobs.
     Moreover, the most important thing in our life is the balance between job and private life, vacation is necessary for a busy job , it benefit our health condition and will promote our life quality .
     In sum ,when considering a job , though vacation time will benefit our life, it is not the only element for us. finding the job's concept and meanning is more important .

体力活UID: 2866493

G作文当时没练过，结果才2.5,
现在T 只有背水一战弥补了。尤其作文。
我是文科。申2011FALL
麻烦大家了。

ibt116UID: 2971760

bucuo. 28!

黑衣宰相UID: 2712327

喜欢你的第一段，如果是30秒内作判断的话就直接是5了！但是文章中有一些稍微明显的语法和用词不当，作为一篇argue statement的文章，moreover后面可以好好发挥一下，可以适当加个例子或者在support两句就会很完美。personal experience的部分可以在把句子理顺一下，适当简化一点用两个长句就应该可以cover掉这个部分。
另外，我也是周末考。。。12号的悲剧。。。

lanzhimu89217qUID: 2759558

Body的第一部分 有人称上的不一致， we,my之类的。
第二三段的support 不够，例子不够啊。这样的话感觉观点不是很geiliverable。
补充我也这周日考。祝各位都考好成绩！

体力活UID: 2866493

楼上两位的意见很有道理，尤其关于例子的问题未认真考虑到，赶紧再练几篇。非常感谢。祝我们大家都考好成绩！

体力活UID: 2866493

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Playing sports teaches people more lessons about the life.

明天考了，随便抓了篇写，感觉不是特别好啊！

As the most people believe, we learn every important thing just in the classroom, however, is it the only place we could learn knowledge about life? Some people would say yes, but in my opinion, I would like to agree that playing sports could teach us more lessons about our life than we thought, and we can learn them in the physical and psychology viewing.
Firstly, Playing sports could improve our health condition and prepare for the physical challenge in the future exercises. Just from our childhood , we have be learned that playing sports is good for our growing; When we become adults, doing exercises regularly could make our body strong. When our parents are older and older, the doctors tell us that it is necessary to taking careful about our parent’s body, and we could play some simple sports with them. Thus it is a efficient way for us to making our body balance and improve our health.
Secondly, we have learned sport sprits from Olympic players. Never stop sports, Never stop efforts, what the sport sprits is just like this. Moreover, in my opinion, when we are going to the destination with great efforts, the important thing is the feeling of sport and act. Do you remember you were doing something with big efforts and never take amount of the result ever? This is the sports teaches me about the life. Whatever the result is, the process is the most important. Just like we are preparing our English test and applying our graduating study, even if all of them goes to failure, we will still be award for the act feeling, and this is playing ports teaches people more lessons about the life.
In sum, as the physical thinking and the definition consideration, we could learn more lessons than we thought about our life.