12.28 独立作文 第一次写呢 望多多指点哈

yuantaoUID: 2812419

When it comes to the issue whether children age five to ten should be required to study art and music, some people think it is beneficial for younger children to take more courses like that. They hold this opinion because they argue that these courses can let children develop more and have more choices in the future. However, they fail to understand the best education for young children should free them from heavy courses and grow healthy. Therefore, I believe study art and music for younger children is of no significance not only to children themselves but also the education trend in society.

It is undeniable that taking the art and music courses can benefit some children. It can broaden their horizon, cultivate their interest of art and music and when they grow up, they may have more choices. For example, they may choose to be a pop singer or painter rather than to be a scientist or an engineer.

However, the benefits are really of no magnificence when compared with the case that no taking the courses. The most important thing we need to realize is the fact that now young children are suffering from their heavy homework. If we still add courses to them, I think they may feel even more boring about study and eventually give up. Sociologists found that more and more children felt exhausted about their study. Imposing them to study art and music are detrimental to their health both physically and mentally. On the other aspect, children age five to ten are too young to have a deep understanding of the art and music. As far as I know, to learn art well, we need to gain a lot practical experience from society because lots of knowledge can be totally acquired from the books or classes. Another subtle, but perhaps as important, is that learning too much may have a negative effect on their performance on other more important courses, for example, math, language and history. These courses are the basic ones for children to be qualified to get higher education.

What I have discuss above draw an unshakable conclusion that taking art and music are not suitable for younger children. Despite the fact that we hope our children to learn more and distinguish themselves from others, we still need to take more factors into consideration.

xiongcan818UID: 2849571

When it comes to the issue whether children age five to ten should be required to study art and music, some people think it is beneficial for younger children to take more courses like that. They hold ...
yuantao 发表于 2010-12-28 16:14

额 你的字体好醒目啊。
修改好了，见附件。

great与众不同UID: 2558121

呃，我的水平也不是很高，说错了的话还请谅解，呵呵。

1、个人感觉这个“develop more”有点奇怪
2、“they fail to understand the best education for young children should free them from heavy courses and grow healthy. ”这句中，should后面好像应该加be，后面这个换成"let them grow healthy"可能好些
3、"but also the education trend in society." 这句的“but also”后面也应该加“to”吧，因为“not only"后面有"to"
4、“However, the benefits are really of no magnificence when compared with the case that no taking the courses”中的"no taking the courses"好像有点问题
5、"I think they may feel even more boring about study and eventually give up."中的“boring"应该改成"bored"，因为是感到厌烦，而"boring"是“使人厌烦的”，与"interesting"和"interested"的用法是一个道理。

呵呵，可能有说错的地方，还请多多包涵。

yuantaoUID: 2812419

那个我第一次参加活动， 还不知道怎么改别人的呢 额 我在摸索下了
2# xiongcan818