怎么修改PS（尽量不断更新）

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开贴说明：
1. 开这个贴用一些简短例子试图给所有准备自己修改PS的飞友一点怎么修改PS的启发。请不要给我发PS让我修改，一者没有足够的动力一般人很难花一个多小时改一篇PS，二者我发这个贴的目的在于授人以渔而不是授人以鱼。
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3. 语言的东西，读起来的舒适性是个人评判的最直接标准。对于我提供的修改范例，绝不保证是最好的，仅仅供大家参考。在申请出国读研究生的飞友们，都该有起码的独立思考的能力了，不要迷信我这个网上的是牛是马是公是母都不能确定的假权威。


怎么修改PS（1） on 2011－Mar－02
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网友的jelly_loe的一篇经过淘宝文书机构写出来的PS。我试着看了第一段。

原文
Today, increasing numbers of people are studying or longing to acquire accounting knowledge as it is essential for successful business. Even natural scientists and engineers can benefit from this knowledge, including myself.) P2 f" S! n3 Q- h*d
My undergraduate study majors in Measurement Control and Instrumentation, a specialty belonging to the Computer School at University of Science & Technology Beijing. During undergraduate study, I mastered an in-depth foundation in maths and computer technology (my average score in maths was 94.4% which ranks first place in my class, including full marks for Complex Functions) and became familiar with electronics design. I believe I can pursue a future in the information technology industry, and the complementary knowledge in Accounting and Finance is indispensable for me, as it offers me the other wing apart from my technical knowledge, as well as potential for progression to executive level.
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修改后：
“In this day and age, there is a growing increase in the number of people longing to study and/or acquire accounting knowledge as it is essential for maintaining a successful business. Even natural scientists and engineers can benefit from this knowledge, including myself.
During my undergraduate major curriculum in Measurement Control and Instrumentation, a specialty belonging to the Computer School atthe University of Science& Technology, Beijing, I mastered an in-depth foundation in mathematics and computer technology. My average score alone in Math was 94.4% which ranked first place in my class, including full marks for “Complex Functions”,and at that time I became familiar with electronics design. I believe I can pursue a future in the information technology industry since I find complementary knowledge in Accounting and Finance is indispensable for me, as it offers the other wing apart from my technical knowledge, as well as the leverage and potential for progression to an executive level.”

注：
1.找文书机构一定要找有母语编辑的。语言的东西，不浸泡式的在那个语境待十来年写出的东西总是一言被看出。随便试着改一段你就能读出差别来。特别是to an executive level 缺少an这样的错误.在老外看来，估计就跟我们读到”3条代表”一样。这还是我改的，让母语编辑估计找到更多。
2.原文明显是受过中式英语演讲训练的标准稿，比起很多学生写作来说，还算比较好的。估计是文书写作公司找的英语系毕业生之类的写的。但完全可以肯定的是中国人的chinglish。比如，
3. 起头“Today...”，让我联想到了国内开会发言“今天!!!(用教导主任的语气)....”。开头开得突然而硬邦邦。
4. 不会用介词连词。顾名思义的介词连词，是用来“介”于期间、“连”接其间的。用好介／连词比如during ....something .....； I ..... since I..... 可以使整个文章流畅自然而不是一句挨一句的拼凑。
5. 刚出国时有人跟我说，当你有一天能用the、a、an不出错时，你基本英语就本土得差不多了。可见这样的小语法错误在教授眼里读来多么的扎眼。
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怎么修改PS（1） on 2011－Mar－02


怎么修改PS（2） 待续