4.9 马上要考了，发篇作文求修改~~辛苦大家！

晃晃脑袋UID：2968690

题目：it is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of the old friend
作文一篇……
During people's whole life, it is possible for them to move to a new city or even a new country for various reasons. When asked about how they feel about moving, people give different answers based on their own opinions and experiences. Some tend to believe that changing living place may deprive us of our old friends while others regard moving as a beneficial issue. As far as I'm concerned, I think moving does us more good than harm.

To begin with, I concede that it may sound plausible that moving to a new place causes the loss of old friends on the grounds that it is hard for people to meet their old friends often if they live in different regions. Nevertheless, if we examine such a statement carefully we will definitely find it far from the truth. In fact, moving to a new place has little adverse impact on keeping friendship. On the contrary, it may bring us enormous benefits.

For one thing, when people move to a new place, they will find everything fresh and interesting. As a result, they are willing to share these new feelings and experiences with their old friends, which enrich the topics among their communication. What's more, people may concern about their old friends even more frequently if they can't see each other every day and thus have little chances to get familiar with each other's present conditions. Just as the saying goes, Distance results in beauty. One of my best friends named Joyce moved to the United States two years ago and from then on we could only keep in touch with each other through the internet. However, we became much more eager to contact with each other and we found more interesting topics to share for the simple reason that we had been experiencing quite different lives. So, moving to a new place is not always bad for maintain friendship.

For another, even though it is true that people can't see and communicate with their old friends as frequently as before when they move to a new place, it doesn't mean that moving has no good to them. On the contrary, moving may benefit people enormously since it enables them to broaden their horizons. Take myself as an example. I have moved three times during my life and I actually enjoy them a lot. The most significant event in my life was to move from the southern part of our country to the north. I admit that I did experience a period of uncomfortable life because I could adapt myself to the life in the north as first. However, as I gradually met new friends and got familiar with the local customs as well as traditions, I was fascinated by my new life because it enriched my life experiences in various aspects and made my life more appealing. In this sense, moving to a new place will definitely bring us more benefits that are beyond our expectations.

In the final analysis, given the specific reasons above, I firmly believe that moving to a new place won't deprive people of their old friends. Meanwhile, people will learn a lot in their new life.

晃晃脑袋UID：2968690

:loveliness:

杨楠0312UID：2781758

怎么好像驳论文一样？托福貌似不是这个调调的啊

mpromanusUID：2565872

1# 晃晃脑袋

It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of the old friend.
（这题目很不托福啊这。。）


During people's whole lives, it is possible for them to move to a new cities or even a new countries for various reasons. When asked about how they feel about moving, people give different answers based on their own opinions and experiences. Some tend to believe that changing living places may deprive us of our old friends while others regard moving as a beneficial issue. As far as I'm concerned, I think moving does us more good than harm.

To begin with, I concede that it may sound plausible that moving to a new place causes the loss of old friends on the grounds that it is hard for people to meet their old friends often if they live in different regions. Nevertheless, if we examine such a statement carefully we will definitely find it far from the truth. In fact, moving to a new place has little adverse impact on keeping friendship. On the contrary, it may bring us enormous benefits. (You have spent two paragraphs talking about pretty much the same thing - losing old friend is not good, but moving can be more good than bad. Consider collecting them into one.)


For one thing, when people move to a new place, they will find everything fresh and interesting. As a result, they are willing to share these new feelings and experiences with their old friends, which enrich the topics in their communication. What's more, people may be concerned about their old friends even more frequently if they can't see each other every day and thus have little chances to get familiar with each other's present conditions. Just as the saying goes, Distance results in beauty. One of my best friends named Joyce moved to the United States two years ago and from then on we could only keep in touch with each other through the internet. However, we became much more eager to contact with each other and we found more interesting topics to share for the simple reason that we had been experiencing quite different lives. So, moving to a new place is not always bad for maintaining friendship.

For another, even though it is true that people can't see and communicate with their old friends as frequently as before when they move to a new place, it doesn't mean that moving has no good to them. On the contrary, moving may benefit people enormously since it enables them to broaden their horizons. Take myself as an example. I have moved three times during my life and I actually enjoy them a lot. The most significant event in my life was to move from the southern part of our country to the north. I admit that I did experience a period of uncomfortable life because I could? (Shouldn't this be 'could not'?) adapt myself to the life in the north as first. However, as I gradually met new friends and got familiar with the local customs as well as traditions, I was fascinated by my new life because it enriched my life experiences in various aspects and made my life more appealing. In this sense, moving to a new place will definitely bring us more benefits that are beyond our expectations. (This is well-written, but it doesn't have much to do with 'old friends'. I understand that this is not really a typical TOEFL essay question, but if your question does specifically mention 'old friends', it's better to make sure you relate to that consistently throughout the essay. If not, you need to establish very clearly in the beginning paragraph that you'll be arguing TWO things in this essay: 1. moving away will not cause a loss of old friends 2. moving away is often a good thing. They are not the same point. The way you've phrased your topic sentences didn't make it very clear that these are two independent points, but later it shows up in the discussions and conclusion that you are actually talking about two things. This is especially obvious in your last paragraph.)


In the final analysis, given the specific reasons above, I firmly believe that moving to a new place won't deprive people of their old friends. Meanwhile, people will learn a lot in their new life.

总结：


This is very nicely written. Smooth language, clear reasoning. I have nothing much else to say besides what I've already commented about clear separation of your points. The way this question is phrased is, in fact, hinting you with a specific focus (loss of old friends) within the broad topic of moving being good/bad. This of course doesn't mean you can't address the good/bad part of the question in a general manner, since you already had a discussion on that specific aspect. You just need to be very clear about in which paragraph and why you are moving from that specific aspect to a more general discussion.

mpromanusUID：2565872

悲催地发现你今天已经考试了，真是不好意思。。希望还能有点用。。鞠躬~

mpromanusUID：2565872

悲催地发现你今天已经考试了，真是不好意思。。希望还能有点用。。鞠躬~

晃晃脑袋UID：2968690

6# mpromanus
呵呵 虽然考完试才看到 但是很受用哈~下次考试还可以改进嘛~~我写这篇也觉得挺诡异的……我是想说1不会失去老朋友2即使联系少了，在某种意义上失去了老朋友也不代表moving是不好的事情……汗啊……这样的思路很不清楚是吗？

mpromanusUID：2565872

7# 晃晃脑袋

嗯，我明白你的两个观点，其实我就是说这样从老朋友这个特定的话题再放宽到总体的好/不好，不是不可以。。问题是，你说的，‘失去了老朋友也不代表moving是不好的事情’，你要明白，这句话跟‘moving是好事情’的关系并不是像你倒数第二段写的那个on the contrary的关系。。实际上这两句话之间是没有逻辑关系的。。就是我说的在你的结尾段里，moving to a new place won't deprive people of their old friends. Meanwhile, people will learn a lot in their new life，看起来完全就是不相干的两句话啊。。你应该表达的观点是从‘失去了老朋友也不代表moving不好’推出‘就算失去了老朋友，moving也还是一件好事情，所以我觉得moving总体还是一件好事情’，而不是一下跳到没有限定的‘moving总体还是一件好事情’。。

晃晃脑袋UID：2968690

8# mpromanus
呵呵 我明白你的意思了~~辛苦了~~我会继续努力~