作文求修改，求建议。

宪法第一修正案UID: 3247603

刚刚写的一篇，如下

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110415

Which is more important: having more facilities or hiring more teachers? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

A more-than-35-celsius summer afternoon, in an aging building without air conditioning, Pro. Han, one of most renowned law professors in China, was giving a lecture on International Law, and all students were concentrating on his speech. Some of them had to wipe out sweat in their face from time to time, but no one was complaining despite the oven like temperature in the classroom. They were all enjoying the banquet of wisdom, and I am luck enough to be of the students then to enjoy Pro. Han's lecture. I had a multitude of similar experience during my collage life. All these made me clearly understand that a great university needs more great teachers than more convenient facilities.

Hiring more teachers can greatly benefit students by enabling more personal interaction between students and teachers. In modern day university, there seems to be so many students enrolled that universities sometimes have to have one professor to give lectures to hundreds of students at one time. This deprives students the precious chance to interact with professors more closely and more personally. Hiring more teachers can largely improve such situation. Actually It needs look no further than my own experience to illustrate the benefit of more teachers. My graduate school matriculates no more than 40 graduate students annually, with a faculty of around 50 professors. As its result, my academic advisor only had to supervise me during my two years there. This enabled us to meet regularly to discuss every topic I am interested in, from which I not only learned how to carry out a good research but also learned how to be a good person.

Equally important, hiring more teachers, which will give every teacher more time on his/her own research, can benefit teachers too. In a school with a high teacher-student ratio, the teachers would have a great teaching burden. They may even have to give lectures everyday, sometimes on different subjects. Adding up the time to prepare for lectures and the time to interact with students after classes, it will take away the teacher's time on his/her own research to a great amount.

Of course, I would not go as far as to say facilities are not important at all. In some subjects like chemistry and biology, how good the experiment facilities are is essential to how well the teaching and research can be carried out. Nonetheless, in most cases, hiring more teacher can bring more benefits, both to students and to teachers, thus should be given priority.

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自己觉得在作文上有个特别大的问题就是有的subpoint不知道怎么展开。
比如这一次里的第一个subpoint，靠举例子勉强撑了一下。
但第二个subpoint里，觉得说到那就没话说了。感觉到这个程度已经是理所当然，当然老师少，每个老师负担就大，就没时间自己做研究了。再往后就没话说了。

请问各位大大，该怎么处理。

秋雨荆州UID: 2903781

看了一下，我觉得第一论述段处理得非常好，第二段也挺好，我个人觉得写成这样已经是good了。
楼主提的这个问题，我觉得可以这样处理，议论再细一点。老师少学生多，导致老师要照顾更多学生的学习，导致老师花更多时间处理作业考试以及答疑，导致老师负担很重，导致很多时间花在教学上，导致研究无法集中全力。就是把每一步默认的论据补充出来，仅供参考~

宪法第一修正案UID: 3247603

秋雨荆州 发表于 2012-7-19 22:50
看了一下，我觉得第一论述段处理得非常好，第二段也挺好，我个人觉得写成这样已经是good了。
楼主提的这个 ...

谢谢秋雨版主。

以后都把这些默认的论据写出来。下周再写一篇来向秋雨版主请教。