Mr张博威练习帖

Mr张博威UID: 3582620

7月12日开始参加2015年AW暑期同主题练习

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授权声明

本人为寄托ID：Mr.张博威 的持有人，现通过寄托论坛参与tesolchina的GRE写作研究，在这里授权tesolchina和hj1313的ID持有人使用本帖中本人的习作及互改记录做教学与科研用途。


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英语学习背景

六级471；考研英语62

下次GRE考试时间：8月21日

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tesolchinaUID: 2191404

请像这位同学那样一楼写授权声明 二楼做目录
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1858888-1-1.html
大概看了一下 你的文章结构都ok  但是语言表达的问题很大
According to some surveys aim to graduations ？

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

楼上童鞋你好~

May there will be occur assertion, if the institutions cultivated a large number of famous graduates who will give a vast of donation to the institution to built basic facilities and supply better learning conditions for future students, thus cultivate more successful graduates.

这个句子你用的是倒装是吧？是不是可以把这句话分成两句来写比较好呢，老师范文中的句子结构比较好。
我写句子也是一团糟，我在想，如果把长句子分成几个短句子，也不是很短的那种，就是句子结构简单的，这样可能会比较好吧。

建议你以后做表格https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3602968
这样会比较清晰。

Mr张博威UID: 3582620

目录

1、6楼    7.13          issue 15 （全文）（已点评）https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3582620
     订正：https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3582620
2、10楼   7.15                issue 13 https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3582620
3、11楼  7月21日      argument 54 https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3582620
4、 7.22 issue 78     https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3582620
      修改帖 https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3582620

Mr张博威UID: 3582620

dingchenchen 发表于 2015-7-13 11:51
楼上童鞋你好~

May there will be occur assertion, if the institutions cultivated a large number of ...

谢谢美本童鞋的建议，看了一下你的文章，写得比我好多了，多多指教

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.

记得抄写作指引
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.



I strongly disapprove the above point mainly for two reasons. First of all, any possible ways claimed can be used to guarantee lucrative jobs for students are not practical; in addition, some of students may disgust the academic fields the institutions decided for them during the studying period and even lead to failure in careers. While the institute make a good intention to practice the schedule, this schedule may result to dissatisfaction among graduates.

disapprove the above point （选词、搭配）
any possible ways claimed can be used to guarantee lucrative jobs for students are not practical 句子结构
disgust 选词 用法

the institute make a good intention to practice the schedule不知道在说啥


To begin with, there are no ways to promise to students that they could local ideal jobs after graduation and get successes several years later. According to some surveys aim to graduations, just only a small portion of graduate got successes. The successful careers are the results of a variety of factors such as major knowledge, public relationship skills, personal capacity, and fortunate. Maybe some fields such as computer science or financial could provide bigger possibility of successes to graduates and the institutions eger to cultivate more successful graduates. But the institutions and the students who want to get lucrative jobs must to consider the above factors execute the plan. In other words, the notion that claimed to promise successes to students is nothing but wishful desire.

local 选词 ideal jobs
主题句对lucrative career回应不充分  
some surveys aim to graduations句子结构  
fortunate词性
你的语言表达问题很严重
感觉句子的错误非常多
建议你不要自己瞎编句子 要回忆自己读过的靠谱文章  



Another reason, the wrong choices students made by the encouraging of the institutions will lead to the interesting losing and career failures. We could image that if students find they have no interesting in the majors or academic fields, the solid fundamental major knowledge cannot be established, then they have to facing the difficulties to local ideal jobs. They would feel uncomfortable to work and hard to get successful careers, even if they engage in the relational regions luckily. Consequently, without the practical consideration, something unpredictable negative consequences will occur and these influences going opposite directions with the initial intentions.

May there will be occur assertion, if the institutions cultivated a large number of famous graduates who will give a vast of donation to the institution to built basic facilities and supply better learning conditions for future students, thus cultivate more successful graduates. Indeed, this blueprint is wishful and appears promising. However, still some key point missed by the institution. If these graduates have not got successes or do not want to donate for the institution at all because of they have not interested in their fields or they do not obtained the real successes in their life such as happiness even if they are engaging some lucrative jobs, the institution will not

In sum, while it is a good intended idea to help students achieve successes, the institution should take the practical circumstance that no ways can guarantee the success to students and the willingness of student into account and make out more perfect blueprint to get the realization of successful dreams.

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

Mr张博威 发表于 2015-7-13 16:23
谢谢美本童鞋的建议，看了一下你的文章，写得比我好多了，多多指教

恩，那位童鞋写得是不错，语句要比我的顺。。。。
互相学习，加油~

Mr张博威UID: 3582620

dingchenchen 发表于 2015-7-14 10:23
恩，那位童鞋写得是不错，语句要比我的顺。。。。
互相学习，加油~

额，不好意思，我把你当成美本同学了:$，我之前也是按issue5.5把所有题目都写成了平衡观点，现在在纠结要不要继续下去

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

Mr张博威 发表于 2015-7-14 18:59
额，不好意思，我把你当成美本同学了，我之前也是按issue5.5把所有题目都写成了平衡观点，现在在纠结要 ...

这个我不清楚啊。。。。你可以问一下王老师，按照王老师的建议来吧。

Mr张博威UID: 3582620

13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

适度承认题目观点在培养学生广泛的的兴趣从而有利于学生的全面发展方面存在合理性。

弊端：1、对学生个人而言：学生会耗费大量时间在非专业课程上，导致的结果：专业课投入时间减少，深度不够，就业时达不到用人单位要求；

        2、对社会而言：学生在所有课程上都停留在一个肤浅的层面上，这样的教育是普及教育而非精英教育，对社会进步不利，因为社会需要在某一方面非常精通的专家。

替代方案：要求本科生广泛涉猎，要求研究生集中精力在所擅长的领域。



The speaker asserts that our university students sholud be demanded by the university to acquire different kinds of unprofessional courses. Although the assertion of the speaker appears laudable, I cannot approve the point totally because of it's harmful to the professional cultivation of a partion of students and cannot satisfy the requirements of coporates; in addition, if graduates who should be required by a severe standard take a wide range of courses would lead to their facile levels that is not beneficial to social development of technology or cultural. In my view, university should require the undergraduate students take many kinds of courses except their majors and require the graduate students get a depth only in their adepted fields.
  
First of all, it is beneficial for students to develop a variety of interests though taking all sorts of courses of different fields, thus the students come from the department of science and technology could take some economy or philosophy courses that would broaden their recognizing capabilities; likewise, the students of art colleage have the chances to get contacts with natural science classes. From the pespective of society, the propose should be encouraged because of the type of the comprehensive talents who mastered multifacet skills is always lacking as the needs of interdiciplines' fast developmentment. While the advantages of the speaker's advice are obvious, the negative sides outweighs the above  benefits. The point aptly illustrated by the folloowing specifitions.

The students will reduce large amount of time that should be invested in their majors if they are required to choose a wide range of selective courses. As we can image easily, it is hard to them to dig their majors deep and might staying on the facial levels in their major fields; as a result, the major knowledge cannot satisfied the enterprises when these students land jobs and their career would be influnenced badly. Consequently,  that is not a politic suggestion from the view of finding jobs and the career development of students because of most of the university students hope they can land ideal jobs after graduation.

Another important reason for why I disagree with the speaker's opinion is that university force students to choose the courses ouside their majors will impede the advances of our society because of our society needs people are adept at some special field. As the complex economy issues should be solved by economists not physics. On the contrary, the technological physics cannot address the economical problems. If anyone want to become a specialist in a certain region, he/she must devot large amount of time and energy to it. From the pespective of society need, university should consider this advice over and over again.

Mybe some people assert that it is unimaginative if the society full of experts. Admittedly, this claim is on the rational side. In my opinion, university should require the undergraduate students with a broade requirements to choose a variety of classes outside their majors and define the graduate students in their major fields.

In sum, the speaker's assertion is too general and not take the development of students and society needs into account. University should require undergraduates take different major's courses to improve broden their range of interests and define the graduates  pay their attention on their adeptive region to satisfy the social needs for experts. We can predict that our society will become wonderful if the university do like that.

Mr张博威UID: 3582620

54) Humans arrived in the Kaliko Islands about 7,000 years ago, and within 3,000 years most of the large mammal species that had lived in the forests of the Kaliko Islands had become extinct. Yet humans cannot have been a factor in the species' extinctions, because there is no evidence that the humans had any significant contact with the mammals. Further, archaeologists have discovered numerous sites where the bones of fish had been discarded, but they found no such areas containing the bones of large mammals, so the humans cannot have hunted the mammals. Therefore, some climate change or other environmental factor must have caused the species' extinctions.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

题目论点： humans cannot have been a factor in the species' extinctions.
论据：1、 there is no evidence that the humans had any significant contact with the mammals；
        2、 numerous sites where the bones of fish had been discarded, but  no such areas containing the bones of large mammals；
        3、 some climate change or other environmental factor must have caused the species' extinctions.

While the author suggested the point that the extinction of the large mammal species in the Kaliko Island has no correlation to human and approved it with some assumptions about no evidence that can demonstrate the contact between human and the species was found, the island appears not containing the discarded bones, and the extinction maybe ascribe to the climate changes and environmental factors. we have to scrutize these assuptions to see if the argument is rational enough.

suggested the point that- suggested that
approved i- support the claim ...
some assumptions about no evidence that 不懂你的意思
the island appears not containing语法
the extinction maybe ascribe to the climate changes 选词
while整句写得乱七八糟
拼写错误
the argument is rational搭配



To begin with, it is hard to concluded that the contacts between human and the large mammal species have not occured, although no related evidence has been found. We cannot deny the possibility that the relationship or interaction exist but indirectly so that we could not find these easily. Likewise, maybe, there is an vat of findings can be used to support the interaction's existence after one hundred years. Additionally, the technologies being used to the field of archaeology are limited lead to the evidences hard to be digged up even if these evidences exist indeed. In other words, it is not aptly to make such a conclusion for the author.  

it is hard to concluded that语法
你的句子我看不懂
我在6楼给你的意见你再考虑一下


In despite of the bones of fish appers in numerous sites and the similar bones have not been found on the area, the fact used to approve the argument is insufficient obviously. Maybe the bones were discarde randomly by the residents on other sites because of some special kind of customs, the people tend to bury these bone after they eaten the mammals, established in the area since from the day of people arrived at the island. Consequently, it is difficult for the archaeologists to uncover the bones as they have been buried in the earth. No matter how, the author make this argument just according to no finding of bones is reluctant.

The assumption the author presented finally is that the large mammal species's extinction might resulted from the climate changes and environmental factors. Actually, this assumption is reasonable to some extent. We can image, however, that the cliamte changes and evironmental factors often lead to a large kind of species's extinctions not just the large mammals because of all of the species in the area form a whole ecological system and adapted mutually. The whole ecological system like a chain, if one part of it was disturbed, the left will be changes. But, the author has not provided other evidence that could demonstrate the extinctons of other species. Thus, this argument is untenable dependent on the assumption.

In sum, although a set of assumptions have been made in the argument by the author, we need further investigation to examine the evidence.

Mr张博威UID: 3582620

7.13    issue 15  修改版
Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.


I strongly disapprove the above point mainly for two reasons. First of all, any possible ways claimed can be used to guarantee lucrative jobs for students are not practical; in addition, some of students may feel disgust to the academic fields the institutions decided for them during the studying period and even lead to failure in their careers. While the institute make a well-intended intention to help students fulfill their dreams about successes, this schedule may result to dissatisfaction among graduates.

To begin with, there are no ways can promise to students that they could land ideal jobs after graduation and get lucrative careers several years later. According to some surveys investigated among people who have graduated from university several years, just only a small portion of graduates got lucrative careers. The successful careers are the results of a variety of factors such as major knowledge, public relationship skills, personal capacity, and fortunation. Maybe some fields such as computer science or financial engineering could provide bigger possibility of successes for graduates, likewise the institutions eager to cultivate more successful graduates. But the institutions and the students who want to get lucrative jobs must to consider the above factors before implete the advice. In other words, the notion that claimed to promise successes to students is nothing but wishful desire.

Another reason, the students who have made wrong choices under the encouraging of the institutions will lose interests concern their fields and get career failures in the future. We could image that if students find that they have no interest on their majors or academic fields, the solid fundamental major knowledge cannot be established, then they have to facing the difficulties to land ideal jobs about lucrative. They would feel uncomfortable to work and hard to get successful careers, even if they engage in the relational regions luckily. Consequently, without the practical consideration, something unpredictable negative consequences will occur and the influences going opposite directions with the initial intentions.

May there is assertion existing, if the institutions cultivated a large number of famous graduates who will give a vast of donation to the institution to built basic facilities and supply better learning conditions that could be used to cultivate more successful graduates among the next generation and help them find lucrative jobs. Indeed, this blueprint is wishful and appears promising. However, still some key point missed by the institution. If these graduates have not got successes or do not want to donate to the institution at all because of they have not interested in their fields or obtained the real successes in their life such as happiness even if they are engaging some lucrative jobs, the institution will not receive any benefits from their graduates.

In sum, while it sounds like a pretty idea can help students achieve lucrative jobs, the institution should take the practical circumstances that no ways can guarantee the success to students and the willingness of student into account and make out more perfect blueprint to realize the success dreams.

Mr张博威UID: 3582620

tesolchina 发表于 2015-7-13 21:30
Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that wil ...

王老师，这一篇7.13的您改了两段，我参照您的意见作了全文修改。https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3582620

Mr张博威UID: 3582620

78) People’s attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

According to the author's assertion, the immediate situation or surroundings play a more vital role in the formation process of people's attitudes than the whole society. While people cannot live in the world and form their attitudes without the immediate situations, the education, media and goverment policies, as the parts of the society, are unlacking.

without （being influenced by) the immediate situations
, the education, media and goverment policies, as the parts of the society, are unlacking.这是什么意思
最关键的主旨句没有回应题目的关键词啊



To begin with, education paly a crucial role in people's lifes. Most of people experienced a long period of studying process and learned much knowledge about a variety of aspects, e.g. the social science, the natural science,  the communication skills, and so forth, these are the embody of immediate surroundings. Dring the long period of accepting education, everyone of people contacts with their classmates and teachers all the time, play with them, communicate with them, and learn from them. However, the content of they discussed is influenced by the current politics or economy situation, the game or sports terms thet are engaging were encouraged by the whole society, and major knowledge they choosed to learn was affected by the needs of society, these factors are shaping people's attitudes. Thus, from the perspective of education, the immediate situation are influenced by the whole society.

主题句要回应关键词 attitude   
experienced a long period of studying process 不懂
about a variety of aspects选词
everyone of people 表达 contacts with their classmates and teachers all the time
the content of they discussed 不懂
你基本上还是自己想怎么写就怎么写 完全没有考虑英语的用法和规则  
建议你暂停写全文  多一点模仿范文

Another aspect is about media which is fully developed in nowaday's society. All most all of us have to contact with a variety of medias, such as advertisement, social news, or politic events through TV, mobile telephone, computers, or the advertisements on the two sides of streets. Whenever and wherever, people are receiving all kinds of information come from the immediate sorroundings, we can say people are shaped by these related immediate situations. But, are these immediate srroundings isolated from the whole society? Obviously, the answer is denied. For instance, why the businessman does not paste a advertisement about bags rather than shoes? May be the deep reason is that the market of shoes is better than bags under the influences of the whole society economy cicumstance. Consequently, it is hard to say which is more important between the immediate surrounding and the whole society.

Additionally, the goverment policies are always vital. Actually, the education and the media are guided by the goverment polices at a great extent. The education outline mainly cater to the needs of the country and the society, thus the goverment has to propose some practical propotions to guide the development of the education to provide better education for the students. Speaking of media, the economy or national politic situations are affected by the goverment's  economic or political policies; likewise, the contents were focused by the media was about the economy or politics, and the economy situation will make a influence on the advertisement. So, from this point, we can see that the education, media, and the goverment policy are twisted and cannot be divided seperately and they all have a influence on the formation of people's attitudes.

In sum, the author's assertion is oversimple. From the above analysis, we could conclude that the people's attitudes are shaped by the combination of immadiate situation or surroundings and the whole society.

Mr张博威UID: 3582620

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-23 18:38 编辑


78) People’s attitudes are determined more by their immediate situation or surroundings than by society as a whole.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

According to the author's assertion, the immediate situation or surroundings play a more vital role in the formation process of people's attitudes than the whole society. While people cannot live in the world and form their attitudes without being influenced by the immediate situations, the education, media and goverment policies are enssential to help people establish their attitude (主题句回应关键词 attitude) because of they are crucial parts of society.

To begin with, education palys a crucial role in people's attitude form.(主题句回应关键词 attitude) Most of people experienced a long process of studying  and learned much knowledge about a variety of subjects, e.g., the social science, the natural science,  the communication skills, and so forth, these are the embody of immediate surroundings. Dring the long period of accepting education, everyone of people contacts with their classmates and teachers all the time, playing with them, communicating with them, and learning from them. However, the them they discussed everyday is influencing by the current politics or economy situation, the game or sports items thet are engaging were encouraged by the whole society, and major knowledge they choosed to learn was affected by the needs of society, these factors are shaping people's attitudes. From the perspective of education, the immediate situation are influenced by the whole society; thus the attitude of people are influenced by both of the immediate suroundings and the whole society.

Another aspect is about media which is fully developed in nowaday's society. All most all of us have to contact with a variety of medias, such as advertisement, social news, or politic events through TV, mobile telephone, computers, or the advertisements on the two sides of streets. Whenever and wherever, people are receiving all kinds of information come from the immediate sorroundings, we can say people are shaped by these related immediate situations. But, are these immediate srroundings isolated from the whole society? Obviously, the answer is denied. For instance, why the businessman does not paste a advertisement about bags rather than shoes? May be the deep reason is that the market of shoes is better than bags under the influences of the whole society economy cicumstance. Consequently, it is hard to say which is more important between the immediate surrounding and the whole society.

Additionally, the goverment policies are always vital. Actually, the education and the media are guided by the goverment polices at a great extent. The education outline mainly cater to the needs of the country and the society, thus the goverment has to propose some practical propotions to guide the development of the education to provide better education for the students. Speaking of media, the economy or national politic situations are affected by the goverment's  economic or political policies; likewise, the contents were focused by the media was about the economy or politics, and the economy situation will make a influence on the advertisement. So, from this point, we can see that the education, media, and the goverment policy are twisted and cannot be divided seperately and they all have a influence on the formation of people's attitudes.

In sum, the author's assertion is oversimple. From the above analysis, we could conclude that the people's attitudes are shaped by the combination of immadiate situation or surroundings and the whole society.