2015年AW暑期同主题练习-Narcissus-art

Narcissus-artUID: 3564225

7月10日开始参加2015年AW暑期同主题练习

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授权声明

本人为寄托ID：Narcissus-art的持有人，现通过寄托论坛参与tesolchina的GRE写作研究，在这里授权tesolchina和hj1313的ID持有人使用本帖中本人的习作及互改记录做教学与科研用途。


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英语学习背景

2015年托福作文25分

下次GRE考试时间：9月6日

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Narcissus-artUID: 3564225

目录
3楼  7.13   issue 15 （全文）（已点评）
9楼  7.14   argument 32（全文）（已点评）
10楼 7.15  issue 13 （全文）（已点评）
11楼  7.16  argument 87 （全文）（已点评）
14楼  7.17  内容反馈
15楼  7.17  语言反馈

19楼  7.20  issue 91（全文）（已点评）（需修改）
20楼  7.21  argument 165（全文）（已点评）（需修改）
21楼  7.22  issue 78 （全文）（已点评）
22楼  7.23  argument 62 （全文）(已点评）（需修改）

25楼  7.27   issue 82 （全文）(已点评）
26楼   7.28  argu100  (全文）（已点评）
28楼  7.29   issue 105 （全文）（已点评）（无范文，需修改）
30楼  7.30   argu 34  (全文）（已点评）

31楼  8.10   argu 166 (全文）

Narcissus-artUID: 3564225

7.10
Issue 15

Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

第一次写，列提纲都很久，自己的问题先列出来以便修正：1.对于很多idea,只是有一个模糊的概念，可能看散文太多、没有受过逻辑写作训练的缘故，用中文可以说一堆出来，但是不能条分缕析地罗列出来；2.例子与观点的匹配度，以及把一个例子阐述清楚的能力；3.同意转换的词汇、句型等语言表达能力有限。
有没有计时？
请保留我的点评


分类：college/university；  vocational technical school

Nowadays, we are living in an highly competitive era when the rate of employment is a big issue for governments of different countries. Some people argue that students should be encouraged to choose their study areas which will prepare them for lucrative careers. I think this argument is reasonable for the students who attend vocational technical school. But when it comes to students in college or university, such a practical pragmatic approach violates the basic principles of higher education. While choosing study areas with interest may not ensure the college or university students a good job with decent salary, it will give them make them have more potential to live a happy life.
如果时间不够可以不写铺垫 直接写观点
practical - 选词 - pragmatic  
give them more potential 搭配  


To begin with, the vocational technical schools should encourage students to choose their study areas for future lucrative careers because the aim of setting up such educational institutions is to transport supply technical personnel for the labor market. For example, several young people in my neighborhood are in such kind of schools. Their purpose of going to vocational technical schools is to find a lucrative job as soon as possible, which will relieve the economical burdens of themselves and their families. Therefore, if the school actively encourage and help them to choose study areas that prepare them for lucrative careers, it will be very useful for them to realize their goal.  

transport 选词
语言表达不错
但是我不确定为什么上职业技术学校的目的就是find a lucrative job 这并不是大家的共识  作为立论的基础不太合适



Nevertheless, it is not appropriate for the colleges or universities to do the same thing as the educational institutions mentioned above. Since the main goal of higher education is to explore the talents of every student and provide the platform to develop these talents, they should encourage students to choose their fields of study according to their own interest instead of whether or not it can bring them lots of money, and educate students broadly rather than narrowly.  Eventually they will become the main force of propelling society forward. Imagine If the colleges or universities always encourage their students to focus their attention on the fields which will lead them to lucrative careers, there will be no improvements on astronomy, archeology, art history and so on.

since这一句不是完整的句子 since只能引出从句
Imagine这句话结构有问题


Some people may challenge my position by asking： that what if the college or university students can not find a good job after graduation as they choose their study areas following their heart rather than the need of market ？. We always hear about some examples of students who have got their bachelor or master degree earning less than their peers who don’t attend college. Or even worse, some students who have got their degree in literature or biology earning their living by doing jobs which are absolutely different from their major. What is overlooked here is that with the significant motivating force of interest and independent thinking ability which is cultivated in tertiary education, 断句they are able to get much more job satisfaction and have a bigger chance for long-term success. In other words, the amount of money students earning how much the students earn is just one element of evaluating educational results, 断句 they can still get many implicit benefits from their educational experience.

  asking that what if 搭配问题
hear about ...
the amount of money students earning 句子结构



In conclusion, given the different aims of educational institutions, they should take different measures to educate their students. For some of them, it is suitable to encourage their students to choose study fields leading to lucrative careers; for others, it is not.


总的来说这篇文章写得不太理想  
主要是职业技术学院这个分类有问题  说职业技术学院要鼓励学生选专业追求lucrative career是很难让人信服的  这些学生以后都是技术工人 谈何lucrative career

整个中间第二段都没有正面回应lucrative career

我出这道题要求大家按我的范文思路来写是有原因的 这道题并不适合分类讨论 至少你现在这个思路是行不通的
你在写之前就应该认识到这一点  你应该打一个腹稿 看看是不是说得通
很可惜 你没有按我的要求做 结果就呵呵了

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Narcissus-art 发表于 2015-7-10 21:59
7.10
Issue 15

已点评

Narcissus-artUID: 3564225

tesolchina 发表于 2015-7-11 17:03
已点评

多谢老师点评！选择职业技术学校这一分类大概是受当下流行的“上大学不如上技校”、“读书无用论”的影响，确实很多上大学的学生没有上技校的赚得多，身边不乏有这样的例子，选择上技校的学生不就是为了掌握一门技术，尽快就业赚钱吗？为什么不能作为一种分类呢？
提纲列了很久，列完提纲之后是在30min内写完的，总体算来还是超时了。。

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

Narcissus-art 发表于 2015-7-11 20:37
多谢老师点评！选择职业技术学校这一分类大概是受当下流行的“上大学不如上技校”、“读书无用论”的影响 ...

因为lucrative career这个概念和技校的学生不沾边

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

To begin with, the vocational technical schools should encourage students to choose their study areas for future lucrative careers because the aim of setting up such educational institutions is to transport technical personnel for the labor market. For example, several young people in my neighborhood are in such kind of schools. Their purpose of going to vocational technical schools is to find a lucrative job as soon as possible, which will relieve the economical burdens of themselves and their families. Therefore, if the school actively encourage and help them to choose study areas that prepare them for lucrative careers, it will be very useful for them to realize their goal.

有一个很基本的问题 就是为什么要分类讨论 不是说分类了就一定是好文章 分类的目的是为了通过限定范围更准确的说理  

你这一段分了vocational school 但是你的道理或者说你的point是什么呢?  

你的主题句是说vocational technical schools should encourage students to choose their study areas for future lucrative careers because the aim of setting up such educational institutions is to transport technical personnel for the labor market  
你提的理由是设置技校的目的是....  这个point和lucrative career有啥关系呢  
等到后面举例子的时候 Their purpose of going to vocational technical schools is to find a lucrative job as soon as possible 你说的却是 学生的目的而不是学校的目的  
所以说你的中间段的几句话实际上是不连贯的   

所以说你写中间段的时候并没有想清楚你到底要说什么 并没有想到一个真正切题的分论点 这就是你这段失败的原因所在  

Narcissus-artUID: 3564225

tesolchina 发表于 2015-7-11 21:00
To begin with, the vocational technical schools should encourage students to choose their study area ...

老师好！昨天晚上我也跟native speaker 讨论了一下，确实第二段的argument不够powerful，您的提示也很对，我又把它给改了一下，您看看思路对不对：

To begin with, the vocational technical schools should encourage students to choose their study areas for future lucrative careers because the aim of setting up such educational institutions is to cultivate technical personnel directly according to the demand of labor market and provide chances for students who want to be economically independent as soon as possible. Most of these schools have majors like marketing, software technology, electrical automation, financial insurance, etc. And in the teaching process, teachers pay much attention to improve their students’ practical abilities, which is a big advantage for the students in unfavorable employment situations today. Because because many companies are inclined to recruit new employees who are able to put their ideas into practice efficiently. 这个不是完整的句子For example, several young people in my neighborhood have attended such kind of schools. They found good jobs after graduation, which relieved the economical burdens of themselves and their families to a great extent. One of them even became an entrepreneur in E-commerce successfully after he has worked in this industry for three years. He has begun his lucrative career when his peers (who ...) are still in graduate school or looking for jobs. Therefore, to the students who are in vocational technical schools, it will be very useful to help them realize their goal （结构有问题-it指代to ...?) when their school actively encourage and help them to choose study areas which prepare them for lucrative careers.  

我提了一些语言表达方面的问题
这段话的篇幅有点长 如果你考试的时候要写5段 这段会让你时间很紧张  
我这几天在分析我自己写的范文 很多文章中间段的基本模式都是
1. 主题句
2. 解释主题句
3. 举例
4. 例子的展开或描述
5. 解释例子如何支持观点
6. 强调观点

基本就是这样的
你明显举例太晚  
为什么呢 因为你的观点不够convincing   写完一句感觉不够 还要加一句
另外整段针对lucrative career的回应和讨论还是很少

Narcissus-artUID: 3564225

32) The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

大概列了中文提纲，两个工厂的名称还一个字一个字地打出来。。。后来才想到应该直接粘贴、复制，这样还会省一些时间。打字不熟练，表达不熟练，严重超时，50min才写完。不过限时训练的确有助于培养紧迫感，尽快发现问题。

The vice president of Quiot Manufacturing recommended to shorten their the company’s work shifts in order to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents and increase productivity with the belief that shorter working hours will ensure their employees to have adequate amounts of sleep. A number of assumptions about the reason of lower rate of working accidents in Panoply Industries, the relation between shorter work shifts and amounts of sleep, and the causality of between employee's energy level and the accidents rate have to be reexamined in order to evaluate the argument.

their - whose?
ensure ... to have ...
the causality between X and Y  



To begin with, it is assumed that shorter work shifts are the main reason why Panoply Industries has lower percent rate of on-the-job accidents. This assumption has to be carefully examined as there might be other reasons why this phenomenon happened. For example, Panoply Industries may have a has better working environment and more modern equipments which are is very convenient and safe for the workers to operate. Or this company just use the one hour to train their employees to get better command of the safety protocols. If these are the main reasons leading to the lower rate accidents, the suggestion would not help to fix the problems in Quiot Manufacturing.


lower rate (not percent)
注意hedging- maybe Panoply had safer ...
convenient- 要强调安全


It is also assumed that shorter work shifts would necessarily give the employees enough time to sleep. (There are many factors that may affect) But there might be many other factors affecting the workers' sleep time. For example,maybe the workers they would like to stay up late to play video games after work. Or they often hang out with their hometown friends after work to relieve the loneliness of working in another city. If the fewer sleep time is caused by factors other than work shifts, then adopting the proposal would not achieve the desired goal.

they-指代不明
注意hedging




The third assumptions implicitly made is that the improvements of employee’s energy level would reduce the rate of working accidents and increase productivity. Even if the employee’s energy level has been improved by the shorter work shifts, the recommended measure may not realize its purpose. There could be other factors that cause the higher percent working accidents in Quiot Manufacturing. For example, the machines in this company are not upgraded in time. Or the skills of workers are not very proficient since they are lack of in training. If the assumption that higher energy level of employees would necessarily reduce the rate of work accidents does not hold, the recommendation should not be accepted.


are lack of 语法


In conclusion, this leader gave his/her recommendation only according to some surface phenomena. Although it seems like a generous (suggestion in the workers’ perspective) gesture to give the employees more time to sleep, it may not be helpful to realize achieve his/her intention objective. We need more information about why the Panoply Industries has a lower rate of working accidents,  the lifestyle of Quiot Manufacturing employees and the specific working conditions of Quiot Manufacturing in order to examine the assumptions discussed above and evaluate the soundness of the argument.

in perspective- from
realize intention 搭配
specific working condition
generous suggestion - 搭配


感觉主要问题在语言表达 我觉得这是模仿范文思路的好处 就是可以暴露一些语言表达方面的问题  
建议你整句修改一下有问题的句子

至于你担心的查重问题
我觉得不需要太担心 只要你不是原句照抄 只是借鉴思路和局部的语言表达都没问题

Narcissus-artUID: 3564225

13, Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study. [claim]
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.   

140) Some people believe that universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study. Others believe that universities should not force students to take any courses other than those that will help prepare them for jobs in their chosen fields.

-----------------------------------------------
1hour
语言表达跟不上思路；很多事例只知道皮毛，解释不透彻。。。导致速度很慢。
看了老师评论的搭配问题，感觉很多Chinglish啊！不行，得改！

As we all know, we are living in an era of rapid development. It is a common view that many problems today can not be solved just by knowledge in one field. I agree with the statement that universities should require their students to take different courses outside one’s own study area since it is helpful for students’ academic development and cultivation of students’ citizen consciousness study and citizenship development. While some people believe that students should focus on the their own majors which will prepare them for jobs rather than taking various outside courses, it is proved I would argue that interdisciplinary perspective is more beneficial for a person’s career development in the long run.

你的背景句和题目的主旨不够贴近 要不不写算了
students’ academic development and cultivation of students’ citizen consciousness这两个不并列  
it is proved that - I would argue that ...
citizen consciousness表达   


To begin with, taking courses outside one’s own field can help students get different perspectives to view their own majors and understand their chosen fields more deeply. Take the students who major in art history as an examples. By taking courses in social science, such as sociology and anthropology, they can use the methods of field research to study the art of ethnic minorities. Also, taking courses in philosophy will help them understand the deep reasons of different artistic phenomenon. As this example these examples clearly illustrate, taking courses outside one's field is able to make the students learn their chosen fields more deeply and comprehensively.

as these examples ...
这段写得挺好



Another advantage of taking courses outside one’s own field is that it can cultivate the students to become more informed and responsible when they enter society.  For instance, the students who major in natural science and engineering can be more aware of their researches’ influence on human beings by taking courses in humanities and social science. Similarly,  through taking course in science, the students who major in literature or art can be more objective and farsighted when they criticize the social problems through their work.  As there are more and more well-educated students inputting entering society as qualified citizens, our society will develop in a virtue virtuous circle. Therefore, the proposed requirement can contribute to the formation of civil society.

students inputting,不懂
virtuous cycle  怎么良性循环 不懂


Some people may challenge my position by asserting that students should not be forced to take any courses unless those courses will help them to find jobs. I think it is very shortsighted to say that because they have misunderstood the objective of higher education. One of the goals of tertiary education is to improve students’ self-learning and independent thinking abilities, which is helpful for them to construct a comprehensive knowledge system. With this knowledge system, they will have more potential to develop a successful career and make contributions to human society. For example, if the students who major in computer science have taken the neurobiology classes in school, they are more likely to have inspirational ideas in artificial intelligence than those who haven’t taken the class，which will make them more competitive in the workplace.

potential 不可数
感觉你举例太晚了  前面说理太多   
是否举例太晚会使读者不耐烦，所以要早举例？只是在这段里面感觉前面的道理只说一句都讲不完，所以一直讲了三句。。。不过在考场上估计也没这么多时间去说理，还是要把控好时间！


In conclusion, given the great benefits of taking classes outside one’s discipline, I believe that the proposed requirement is right reasonable. As for the concern of taking outside classes might not helpful for future career, those people underestimated the implicit benefits of interdisciplinary knowledge.

requirement is right搭配  

Narcissus-artUID: 3564225

Argument 87 reading habits (classics vs novel)

In a study of the reading habits of Waymarsh citizens conducted by the University of Waymarsh, most respondents said that they preferred literary classics as reading material. However, a second study conducted by the same researchers found that the type of book most frequently checked out of each of the public libraries in Waymarsh was the mystery novel. Therefore, it can be concluded that the respondents in the first study had misrepresented their reading habits.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


将近1h, 刚开始模仿阶段在努力寻找自己风格，既要记住一些必须的模板词汇，有助于延续思路，又要有自己的一些想法。限时写作亚历山大啊！！

The author of the argument concluded that the respondents in Waymarsh lied about their reading habits in the first study. We need more information about the conducting time of two surveys the completion time for each survey, the way Waymarsh people  acquiring getting books and the design of the first study to evaluate the soundness of this  argument.

conducting time表达  不懂什么意思
我是想说两个调查的进行时间..

acquiring books 动词形式  




To begin with, we need more information about whether the two studies are conducted at the same period since people's reading habits materials are possibly affected by other elements. For example, when the second study was conducted, there was a movie released which was adapted by a mystery novel such as The Da Vinci Code or Gone Girl. Then the movie acquired some film festival awards and aroused a intense debate on the website. Maybe many people would  go to the libraries to check out the novel out of curiosity, which has even become a trend to talk about the plots at dinner. So we need to know if the two studies were  conducted at the same time  to decide credibility of the results.

这个点是你自己拍脑袋想的吧 很不靠谱啊
reading habit既然是习惯 就应该是相对恒定的 不会因为你说的这个时间问题而有太大的变化  
我的要求是按照范文的思路来写作 是为了帮助学生熟悉这类题目的思路 慢慢的学会独立解题
  
我把reading habit 改成reading material，不知是否会好些。这段我是从人群的从众心理来想的，之前《阿凡达》、《泰囧》等电影出来后风靡一时，成为大众茶余饭后的谈资，大家都怀着好奇心去看，所以针对这一题，我想到一段时间内大家频繁地去借mystery novel可能会受到其他因素影响。


In addition, we need more evidence of the Waymarsh people’s acquisition channel of different books. Borrowing books from libraries is not likely to be the only channel through which people get books. They may choose to buy the literary classics from bookstores or Amazon because they want to collect the classic books at home in order to read them repeatedly. Or they can download the classic books on the internet for free as many of the classics  are not restricted by copyrights any more. As for the mystery novels, the citizens may think that there is no need to buy them since these books don’t have so much literary value as the classics, and they just check out  them from libraries when they want to read this kind of books.  Therefore, a more comprehensive study of whether Waymarsh people access books through the above-mentioned sources is necessary to get the information we need to evaluate the argument.

channel (through which) people  
这段写得挺好 句子也还不错


Finally, we need to scrutinize the first study more critically. On the one hand, we need to know whether the respondents sampled can represent all the Waymarsh citizens. If the respondents were mainly elderly people, their answers for favorite reading material might be literary classics because they have more life experience to help them better understand  the classics. But if the respondents are mainly young people, they might give different answers and then the survey result would be totally different. On the other hand, more information about the design of survey questionnaire is needed to check the reliability of study result. If the questionnaire didn’t include the option of mystery novel, the respondents who love this genre may just give another answer instead. Also, if this was the case, the survey result would be unreliable.

because they have more life experience to help them better understand  the classics.这个品味偏好和年龄未必相关吧 或者和教育程度、收入的相关性更高些 提出其他可能性时也要用到一些常识的

这个我又是从自身经验来判断了。。因为文学经典大多意义复杂深刻，没有一定的人生阅历是读不下去、也理解不深刻的，而年轻人多倾向于青春文学、悬疑小说之类的有趣读物。不过确实也和教育程度相关，教育程度高的年轻人应该也会去读一些经典。

also- if this was the case,  
   

In conclusion, to see whether the respondents have misrepresented their reading habits, we need to collect evidence about the issues discussed above.

总的来说写的还可以
但是计时的问题你要重视  
考场上只有30分钟 你平时不能适应25分钟写完的话 练习再多也是没有用的

dingchenchenUID: 3602968

Narcissus-art 发表于 2015-7-16 12:28
Argument 87 reading habits (classics vs novel)

In a study of the reading habits of Waymarsh citiz ...

你好~

首先，你写作写了1h肯定是边写边想的吧，这样肯定需要很久。我之前就是这样。可能你也没有理解好老师的“计时”。
王老师讲的计时是，你要把你的详细提纲写好，包括中间段的可能性有几点都想好，最好就是把你要用的句型也顺便想好。这个是需要时间的，包括看范文的思路，我是需要1h~2h的，然后都成熟后我再来计时写，这时可能还会边写边想，但是会快一些。
王老师说不要自己造句子，要模仿范文中的句子，我现在做的就是这个工作，尽量不要出错。
我写的句子很死板，就是那几个句子，我想先练练吧，练多了就可以用不同的句型了。

我来点评一下哈~

在内容和布局上我没找到什么错误，你英语基础比我好。我来说一下句子哈：

在中间段中，你首先会提出还需要的证据，然后就是举例说明，更重要的是在举例后你要加一句话，要明确地说明如果你的这个可能存在的话，那么就可能得出跟题目中的结论不一样的结论。

For example, when the second study was conducted, there was a movie released which was adapted by a mystery novel such as The Da Vinci Code or Gone Girl. Then the movie acquired some film festival awards and aroused a intense debate on the website. Maybe many people would  go to the libraries to check out the novel out of curiosity, which has even become a trend to talk about the plots at dinner. So we need to know if the two studies were  conducted at the same time  to decide credibility of the results.

下面我试着用老师的句型“For example, …….If……，people would……”
For example, we need to know whether the two surveys were conducted at the same time. If there was a series popular movies adapted by mystery novels during the survey of the first study, people might borrow more mystery novels from libraries than ever.
我这句子可能有错哈，批判着看.........但句型值得学习。

我想说的就是我就是这样开始模仿老师的句子，行文看起来很清晰。
共同进步哈~

Narcissus-artUID: 3564225

dingchenchen 发表于 2015-7-16 23:05
你好~

首先，你写作写了1h肯定是边写边想的吧，这样肯定需要很久。我之前就是这样。可能你也没有理解好 ...

谢谢指出问题哦！“把你的详细提纲写好，包括中间段的可能性有几点都想好，最好就是把你要用的句型也顺便想好。这个是需要时间的，包括看范文的思路，我是需要1h~2h的，然后都成熟后我再来计时写，” 这个是先在文档里把详细的提纲什么的都写好，然后计时时往里面直接填内容呢，还是计时开始时再重新开头全部写一遍？我是想到几个点，列在草稿纸上，然后边写边翻译，真是表达跟不上思路啊！！

你提出的模仿句型蛮对的，我主要是参考老师的思路了，还有一些逻辑词的表达，其他细节的没有完全模仿。

Narcissus-artUID: 3564225

内容反馈:
由于这周是按照范⽂文思路写作,前三项问题都不⼤大,对于1+3模型的思路有了更加熟悉 地了解和把握。
1. 回应题⺫⽬目关键词、遵循写作指引

2. 1+3模型
分类的⺫⽬目的是为了通过限定范围更准确地说理

3. 主旨句与主题句不合适

4. 例⼦缺失或不合适
例⼦子的积累与⾃自⼰己的知识⾯面密切相关。。。

5. 中间段的展开与例⼦的解释
⽼老师指出的⽐比较合适的中间段展开模式:1. 主题句 2. 解释主题句 3. 举例 4. 例⼦的展开或描
述 5. 解释例⼦如何⽀支持观点 6. 强调观点

我出现了两次举例太晚的问题:

Issue 15:
To begin with, the vocational technical schools should encourage students to choose their study areas for future lucrative careers because the aim of setting up such educational institutions is to cultivate technical personnel directly according to the demand of labor market and provide chances for students who want to be economically independent as soon as possible. Most of these schools have majors like marketing, software technology, electrical automation, financial insurance, etc. And in the teaching process, teachers pay much attention to improve their students’ practical abilities, which is a big advantage for the students in unfavorable employment situations today because many companies are inclined to recruit new employees who are able to put their ideas into practice efficiently. For example, several young people in my neighborhood have attended such kind of schools. They found good jobs after graduation, which relieved the economical burdens of themselves and their families to a great extent. One of them even became an entrepreneur in E-commerce successfully after he has worked in this industry for three years. He has begun his lucrative career when his peers are still in graduate school or looking for jobs. Therefore, to the students who are in vocational technical schools, it will be very useful to help them realize their goal when their school actively encourage and help them to choose study areas which prepare them for lucrative careers.

W:你明显举例太晚为什么呢因为你的观点不够convincing 写完⼀一句感觉不够还要加⼀一句

Issue 13:
Some people may challenge my position by asserting that students should not be forced to take any courses unless those courses will help them to find jobs. I think it is very shortsighted to say that because they have misunderstood the objective of higher education. One of the goals of tertiary education is to improve students’ self-learning and independent thinking abilities, which is helpful for them to construct a comprehensive knowledge system. With this knowledge system, they will have more potential to develop a successful career and make contributions to human society. For example, if the students who major in computer science have taken the neurobiology classes in school, they are more likely to have inspirational ideas in artificial intelligence than those who haven’t taken the class,which will make them more competitive in the workplace.

W: 感觉你举例太晚了 前⾯面说理太多
M: 是否举例太晚会使读者不耐烦,所以要早举例? 只是在这段⾥里⾯面感觉前⾯面的道理只说⼀一 句都讲不完, 所以⼀一直讲了三句, 然后我就默认读者看完例⼦可以直接理解我前⾯面所说的道理没有解释例⼦子如何说明观点。。。不过在考场上估计也没这么多时间去说理, 还是要把 控好时间!

Narcissus-artUID: 3564225

语言反馈的颜色图标比较多，在Pages里都做好了，结果粘到GT上就显示不出颜色，再重新标一遍颜色也没有意义，浪费时间，而且在上面每篇文章中都已经改过。。直接上文档比较清晰明了。

语言搭配主要是Chinglish现象挥之不去,不少常⻅见单词的具体⽤用法不了解,只是按照中⽂文意思把它们拼接在了一起。具体来讲还是要靠多练和积累，背单词时不仅要知道意思，还要看例句的用法；读书和范文时把好的句子和用法用心记下来，不要读过就忘。出现问题，修正问题，才能不断进步。