毉易-牧羊人练习帖

毉易-牧羊人UID: 3458186

6月28日开始参加2015年AW暑期同主题练习

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授权声明

本人为寄托ID：毉易-牧羊人 的持有人，现通过寄托论坛参与tesolchina的GRE写作研究，在这里授权tesolchina和hj1313的ID持有人使用本帖中本人的习作及互改记录做教学与科研用途。


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英语学习背景

四级546（2009-2010） 六级518（2011-2012）考研：66 托福作文26（2014）GRE（2015，3.5）

下次GRE考试时间：9月；

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毉易-牧羊人UID: 3458186

03楼：全文   ISSUE 91 （已批改）链接直达：https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3458186
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毉易-牧羊人UID: 3458186

91) The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that they have more leisure time.


Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

With the fast advancement of technologies over those years, the efficiency of people's work is enhanced greatly. However, some people contend that we have more leisure time because the development of technologies and others argue against this viewpoint. Actually, if we want to tackle this dilemma, we should firstly understand what the primary goal of technological development. As a matter of fact, the influence of the progress of technologies is varied from one to another, and thus it could have different impacts on household wives, employees and scientists and so on.

To begin with, the progress of technologies indeed increase housewives' leisure time. With the advent of the cookers, they could make a meal without much efforts; with the addition of laundry, they could save lots of time on washing clothes; with the Internet and e-business, they could go on shopping on the Internet and waiting for the goods to come home. Take my mother for example, with those advancements mentioned above, she could spend as much as two times of leisure time to have a rest, like hanging out with friends and play cards with them.

However, the improvements of technologies actually bring more work to employees and they even have less leisure time than before. With the Invention of computers and the Internet as well as the Office Suite, they can work with a high efficient. However, since they could work more efficiently, their burden is increasing too. My friend, John, who is a manager of an advertising company, recently, he always complains to me that the high pressure of work have seriously affected his health, and he even has insomnia those days. When talks about the reason, he complains that the advancement of the Smart phones and other devices have greatly enlarged his work time, even though he can check E-mails on his phones, he is required to do this in his spare time, which means that those advancements of technologies like smart phones and Ipads has took our leisure time to work even though they do bring us convenience.

What's more, the technologies' developments also short the leisure time of certain scientists. Take my instructor Mr. Wu, who is major in biology, for example, in his opinion, with the burgeoning of the technologies, the competitions in the scientific world are more fierce than before. Even though we could perform an experiment like PCR in 30 minutes comparing to the past which uses as many as four hours, since everyone could take advantage this technology, and thus you do not have any benefits when competing with others. In an effort to not be lagged down by others, you should spare no efforts to devise more devices and experiments to go on your researches, as a result, your leisure time is shrined by the endless experiments.

Taken together, when we try to evaluate the goal of the technological advancement that indeed improve our efficiency and the leisure time we have, we should differentiate many situations according to different people and occupations, and thus we could have a consummate conclusion of the issue the question mentioned.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

你前面的铺垫写的不太好
some people contend that we have more leisure time because the development of technologies and others argue against this viewpoint. Actually, if we want to tackle this dilemma
感觉这些都是自己瞎编的

后面的主旨句分了三部分 这个不错

另外注意题目是 The primary goal of technological advancement should be
而你写的却是科技进步有没有增加leisure time
完全偏离了题目的重点  

毉易-牧羊人UID: 3458186

71. The following is a letter to the editor of the Waymarsh Times.

Traffic here in Waymarsh is becoming a problem. Although just three years ago a state traffic survey showed that the typical driving commuter took 20 minutes to get to work, the commute now takes closer to 40 minutes, according to the survey just completed. Members of the town council already have suggested more road building to address the problem, but as well as being expensive, the new construction will surely disrupt some of our residential neighborhoods. It would be better to follow the example of the nearby city of Garville. Last year Garville implemented a policy that rewards people who share rides to work, giving them coupons for free gas. Pollution levels in Garville have dropped since the policy was implemented, and people from Garville tell me that commuting times have fallen considerably. There is no reason why a policy like Garville's shouldn't work equally well in Waymarsh."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


According to the passage, the Waymarsh should implement a policy like the Garville to decrease the commuting times for several reasons, which includes the increased commuting times and the expensive road building as well as the successful experience of the policy in the Garvulle. However, when we try to evaluate the reasons mentioned before, we need several details of each statement; that's are the driving times really increased according to the survey? Is it feasible that the road building? and the policy applied in the Garville may not apply to the Waymarsh for many reasons.

To begin with, we need more details about the survey conducted in the passage of the question. How did the survey conduct? Who implemented the survey? Was the methods conducted in the survey scientifically and impartially? As a matter of fact, if the survey only asked ten people who accidently worked further compared to three years ago, and it is self-evident that those people would take more time to go to work by commuters.

What's more, we need more explications about the road building. Are the expenses really expensive? Is there a possibility that the residential neighborhoods would agree to build a road nearby concerning the long-term benefits? Actually, the government of the Waymarsh could levy more tax to construct that road if the expenses of the construction are really high. In addition, the government of the Waymarsh could give some remedy to the residential neighborhoods if they really disinclined to have a construction near their houses.

Last but not least, we need more evidence with regards to the similarities between the Waymarsh and the Garville. Since a policy that could succeed in the town of Garville, it might not be suited for the Waymarsh. That's because the passage do not tell us more details about those two towns. Maybe the town of Garmarsh is much smaller and easy to regulate and the town of Waymarsh is three times as bigger as the Garmarsh. What's more, the decrease of pollution in the Garmarsh might not the result of the policy implemented there, there were possibilities that the government of Garmarsh took more strict measures to restrict the pollution level.

Taken together, we need more than details and evidences other than mentioned above to come to a sound conclusion concerning the problems of the Waymarsh.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

你起码要抄题啊 都不知道你写的是哪一种写作要求的  

毉易-牧羊人UID: 3458186

tesolchina 发表于 2015-7-2 11:46
你起码要抄题啊 都不知道你写的是哪一种写作要求的

恩恩，不好意思，王老师，昨天糊涂了，题目如下：
71. The following is a letter to the editor of the Waymarsh Times.

Traffic here in Waymarsh is becoming a problem. Although just three years ago a state traffic survey showed that the typical driving commuter took 20 minutes to get to work, the commute now takes closer to 40 minutes, according to the survey just completed. Members of the town council already have suggested more road building to address the problem, but as well as being expensive, the new construction will surely disrupt some of our residential neighborhoods. It would be better to follow the example of the nearby city of Garville. Last year Garville implemented a policy that rewards people who share rides to work, giving them coupons for free gas. Pollution levels in Garville have dropped since the policy was implemented, and people from Garville tell me that commuting times have fallen considerably. There is no reason why a policy like Garville's shouldn't work equally well in Waymarsh."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

毉易-牧羊人UID: 3458186

tesolchina 发表于 2015-7-1 23:08
你前面的铺垫写的不太好
some people contend that we have more leisure time because the development  ...

总结：
写这篇作文的确第一段写的不好，本想展开阐述一下题目，可是现在在这方面能力还是欠缺，并且花的时间也比较多，大概7,8分钟才写完，导致后面的时间严重不足。这道题在分析题目上出了偏差，没有抓住Goal的含义。我想了一下，如果把正文的三个自然段都用goal串起来的话可能会好些，即对housewife，employee和scientist的goal是不同的。
谢谢李老师的鼓励与鞭策！我将继续学习~

毉易-牧羊人UID: 3458186

Issue43 The increasingly rapid pace of life today causes more problems than it solves.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Just as the title implies, the pace of life is increasingly rapid than the past because of the advanced technologies like the Internet, smart phones as well as computers and so forth. However, when to talks to the impact of the increased pace of life, as far as I am concerned, is varied from person to person. The increased pace of life would bring housewives much convenient life, however, it can bring much trouble on employees and scientists.

In the first place, the boosted pace of life could bring much convenience to housewives rather than cause more problems to them. Take my mom for example, she used to go shopping, make foods as well as wash clothes by herself alone, however, nowadays she can go shopping on the Internet, making meals and washing laundry by machines rather by hand. As a result, she could have more free time to learn and entertain herself. Therefore, it is axiomatic that the increased pace of life bring much pros rather than cons to her.

However, the increased pace of life could make employees frustrated. Take my friends Linda for example, she usually work from 8:00 am-17:00; however, with the development of the Internet and smart phones, she must work during her spare time to check E-mails from her bosses and enact many programs over the Internet to finish her work. As a result, the enhanced pace of life accurately elongate her work time and decrease her leisure time to have a rest, and thus bring more trouble to her.

What's more, the enhanced pace of life also frustrates many scientists. Take my instructor Mr. Wu for example, in his opinion, the increased pace of life actually aggravates the competition between scientists. In order to not be lagged down by others, we need do much more experiments to get good results and analyze them to publish more papers to compete with others. Even with the state-of-art technologies, we could save a lot of time doing those experiments, actually, we have more experiments to do; as a result, the overall time is increased and thus our leisure time shrinks.

Taken together, in the one hand, we should embrace the increased pace of life for it can bring us much more convenience in some extent, however, its influence can vary from person to person, and we should not too hasty to make a consummate conclusion about its effects concerning the complexities probabilities.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

when to talks to the impact of the increased pace of life 表达有问题
你的很多句子都有断句的问题
可以去看看 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1854811-1-1.html
然后题干是causes more problems than it solves
你在中间段里似乎没有提到具体导致的问题以及和解决的问题做比较  

毉易-牧羊人UID: 3458186

The following appeared in a memorandum from the manager of WWAC radio station.

"To reverse a decline in listener numbers, our owners have decided that WWAC must change from its current rock-music format. The decline has occurred despite population growth in our listening area, but that growth has resulted mainly from people moving here after their retirement. We must make listeners of these new residents. We could switch to a music format tailored to their tastes, but a continuing decline in local sales of recorded music suggests limited interest in music. Instead we should change to a news and talk format, a form of radio that is increasingly popular in our area."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

According to the argument, the manager recommend to change from the current rock-music format to a news and talk format for the following several reasons; the declined audience; the new residents; proposed declined interests in music. However, when evaluating these reasons above, we need some more evidence to strengthen or weaken the statements above.

To begin with, we require more details about the decline of the listener numbers. The passage do not tell us the reason why such a decrease could happen, it also do not inform us the characteristics about the decreased numbers. Maybe there are a football championship those days, and thus many people switch the WWAC program to the football game on TV, therefore, the decrease numbers of the audience of the WWAC is just an illusion. As a result, the radio station need not change their music program at all.

What's more, we need more evidence about the new residents. Who are they and where they from?  Since the manager did not make a survey to investigate their tastes, he or she could not come to the conclusion that those new ones have limited interest in music. Maybe it just they came here newly, and thus they had not adjusted their lives to the pace of this new place, which means that they may be not even know the existence of this program at all.

Last but not least, we need more evidence about the change from the music to the news and talk format. Since the manager did not conduct any research about the tastes of the new residents and the old ones, he could not make such a hasty decision. If, the new residents do not like the news and talk format program and what's worse, the old ones do not like those new programs either, and then the listener numbers would continue to decrease rather than balloon.

In conclusion, without notifying the information above, it is too hasty to change a program like what the manager is going to do.  To come to a consummate conclusion, however, the manager should make a thorough research about the reason about the decreased listener numbers and the residents' tastes there.

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

koga 发表于 2015-7-3 14:17
1,syntax errors scatter here and there. e.g. the manager recommend, the decrease numbers of the audi ...

楼上的前两条说得挺好的 时态也是一个问题
逻辑的话 没仔细看  
感觉切入点还是找得不准
你可以练一下我写过的题目 对比我的示范
这篇的话 我今天争取写一下

tesolchinaUID: 2191404

毉易-牧羊人 发表于 2015-7-2 21:05
总结：
写这篇作文的确第一段写的不好，本想展开阐述一下题目，可是现在在这方面能力还是欠缺，并且花的 ...

我建议你写之前先看看我的范文  尝试模仿我的思路来写  
以后熟悉了再自己构思

毉易-牧羊人UID: 3458186

tesolchina 发表于 2015-7-3 08:39
我建议你写之前先看看我的范文  尝试模仿我的思路来写  
以后熟悉了再自己构思

恩恩，好的，这两天一直在看

kogaUID: 3616894

1,syntax errors scatter here and there. e.g. the manager recommend, the decrease numbers of the audience,Who are they and where they from
2,idiom misuse. notifying the information above
3, logic is not clear. basically, an average reader would have difficulty understanding it.