T版作文链接铁

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

Good work.

After you overcome the dificulty in adverse situation, you have a feeling of achievement. You get expericence to deal with the similar cases. You abtain courage to deal with more difficult occation. You become more confident, more mature.

Adersity trains one's character, one becomes more perseverant and of more endurance, patience and power will.

chenglingfengUID: 2303037

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-678073-1-1.html

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

The assessment on this writing would vary a lot if it is judged by a writing teacher. I say it may vary from very good to very poor.
Obviously the author masters many words which can only appear in some toefl reading section. Using frequently used words won't decrease its value from any point of view. clarity is always more important than any other requirement. Imagine how difficult it would be when Albert Einstein tried to convince US president to initiate the atom bomb project if he choosed to use so many academic terms and technique slang. A simple and clear writing is nice to readers so the same to the author.
Second, the college life is full of change and flow. How did you act on it? The tone in this writing seems somewhat passive, thus disproof your topic.
Furthermore the paragraphy is not in balance and does not have clear layers.
So much negative impression we can get from this writing style.
Remember your writing is to deliver message, thoughts and ideas. You are making communication with your readers. Make it as clear and fluent as possible.
Never pile up with umfamilar words which frustrate readers.

[ 本帖最后由 kevinliu6883 于 2007-6-5 12:46 编辑 ]

mggUID: 2318522

哪位大虾帮帮忙，小弟写得不好，麻烦了。https://bbs.gter.net/thread-679713-1-1.html

mggUID: 2318522

另外一篇，也是今天写的，谢谢。https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

suggest you make the first line of each paragraph dented so reader would be easier to know where the new paragraph begins. Or leave space between paragraphs. When reader feels good, you get high score. When reader feel frustrated, you kill your future. Serve the readers is to serve you.

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

When it comes to this issue, some people believe that technology brings positive effect on students, like as the efficiency in collecting data, preparing presentaion and so on. To my knowledge, the function of technology is overestimated, especially by advertisement.
     Fundamentally speaking, learning is a long, boring process that requires determination and patience. Learing has never been easy, and will not become easier merely because of technology. Technology may assist you in study. MP3 players can help you improvie listening to podcasts in foreign languages. Office software makes you prepare your document more efficiently. Internet provides you acces to distance education. But these technologies provide no solution to overcome indolence that everyone has. Compared with active learning, the fuction of technololesge is secondary. Just as you can purchase hundreds of books in a second, but you can not own the knowledge the same time. Excessive advocacy on the fancy benefits of technology may act like encouaging buying books but forgeting to read. Overestimate of the technology may mislead youth.
     Youth may misuse new technology. Many technologies provide us not only functions for work and study, but also for entertainment.Many students spend too much time on computer games or on line talk. As a result they take less time on their study. Furthermore, internet bars have been the source of many parents' complaint. So many gifted youths that would go to colleages have been ruined. At the worst, some of them are even tempted to crime by violent or erotic material online.  
     As what I have stated above, technology is a tool. It may serve students positively and negatively. Students should learn diligently more than merely rely on technology. It always require tremendous efforts and determination to learn something well.

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

With the help of technology,students nowadays can learn more information and learn it more quickly.  agree or disagree.

It seems you topic deviated from the given topic. However your composition sparks facts and thoughts. It is very interesting.
Make it clear what is the subject you are arguing.
Most English sentence requires only one verb, one subject.
Avoid redundancy.
Clarity is the most important critiria for writing.
Don't feel frustrated or disappointed. It is not strange for a novice to makes mistakes.
Writing is an art one has to study all his life. I am also studying too.

[ 本帖最后由 kevinliu6883 于 2007-6-7 12:53 编辑 ]

bearlaughyouUID: 2316440

这个是我的，30分钟写的，感觉不好，但请牛人们批改一下，麻烦你们了！https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

jackshenUID: 2348452

最近写的一篇，感觉不大好。希望能有所指点（能给打个分更感激不尽啦！） 谢谢～

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=683463&extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 jackshen 于 2007-6-15 23:39 编辑 ]

yayakupeUID: 2339709

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-683470-1-1.html

[ 本帖最后由 yayakupe 于 2007-6-11 18:08 编辑 ]

fllsydUID: 2347970

已修改,希望更多高人指点
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-683187-1-1.html

fllsydUID: 2347970

谢谢大家多给点意见,最好给个分数
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-683185-1-1.html

yayakupeUID: 2339709

http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-683878-1-1.html

http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-684201-1-1.html

万分感谢～

[ 本帖最后由 yayakupe 于 2007-6-13 00:55 编辑 ]

bearlaughyouUID: 2316440

这是我的作文，请好心人帮忙改一下，另外能打个分数的话会让我感激不尽的！谢谢！
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-684413-1-1.html