Argument242[快刀杀鸡]7/16 作业 by daisyhhh

daisyhhhUID: 2477386

242The following appeared as an editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College.
"To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without."

1.指出作者结论，证据，大体上说作者的论证是有问题的
2文中提到的Survey交待不明确，样本量是否足够大，调查方式是怎样是否随机，survey得到的结论是否有代表性很值得怀疑
3作者认为G校因为采取了该措施而作弊明显减少，而忽略了其他因素的影响。可能是因为学校诚信道德教育的提高，使学生自觉而不作弊。也可能是因为，时间长，很多学生即便发现了作弊也没有报告
4作者认为应该学习G校的做法，但是忽略了其他学校与G校的不同，而这些不同可能导致方法行不通。例如学生性格，师生关系，或者其他学校可能本来作弊的情况就很少，贸然使用此方法，不但没有效果，还可能使学生反感
5总结说明作者的结论是没有说服力的

The conclusion endorsed in the argument is that institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton’s, which seemly helped reduce cheating among students. Several evidences are provided to buttress the conclusion. Firstly, a survey shows that majority of students would be less likely to cheat with an honor code. Then, he deems the new system as the only factor which enormously contributes to reducing cheating. Besides, he assumes that it is also appropriate to adopt an honor code in other institutions. Convincing and reasonable as the argument seems at first glance, further reflection reveals that it is far from persuasive.

First and foremost, neither relevant nor convincing is the result of the survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, On one hand, the author provides no details about the sample size concerning that the less the sample size is, the less reliable the conclusion is. We can imagine that perhaps the number of respondents is statically trivial and insignificant in the whole group, thereby unpresentative of the characteristics of all preferences. On the other hand, failing to provide information concerning how the survey was conducted, nor the approach of designing the questionnaire, it is likely that questions designed in survey are expected instigating. After a,scruting analysis, it is imprudent for the author to draw any explicit and unequivocal conclusion based upon the survey.

Furthermore, the author regards honor codes as the most crucial factor impacting on reduction of cheating among students. However, it is considerably precarious. The author fails to discern other possible reason that may bring up reduction of cheating, such as the education of morality and sincerity in schools. It is likely that students give up cheating as a result of receiving morality education and finally becoming mentally thoughtful and sophisticated. In addition, perhaps after several years of adopting the new system, students have lost the enthusiasm to notify faculty members. Unless the author pondered over other possible reasons, the cause-and-effect relationship between the new system and reduction of cheating is uncorroborated and irrelevant.

Thirdly, the author maintains that other institutions should adopt the new system of Groveton’s while ignoring the possible dissimilarity of other schools. It is highly doubtful that the strategy of Groveton’s is also applicable to other places. The relationship between teachers and students differs. In a relationship lacking of communication between faculty and students, students are less likely to notify faculty members even though they suspect others cheating. In addition, it is highly possible that honor codes is unnecessary for some schools, in which situation of cheating is negligible, and discontent students. As an outcome, even though some institution adopts the new system, it is unlikely to witness the situation of Groveton’s

To wrap up,  the author’s argument is far from persuasive and convincing as it stands and it is imprudent for him to extrapolate a conclusion that other institution should adopts the same system of Groveton’s to avoid cheating. In order to make his reasoning logically more reasonable, he should provide further and concrete evidences.

wjin3UID: 2617582

1# daisyhhh


1.
指出作者结论，证据，大体上说作者的论证是有问题的
2文中提到的Survey交待不明确，样本量是否足够大，调查方式是怎样是否随机，survey得到的结论是否有代表性很值得怀疑
3作者认为G校因为采取了该措施而作弊明显减少，而忽略了其他因素的影响。可能是因为学校诚信道德教育的提高，使学生自觉而不作弊。也可能是因为，时间长，很多学生即便发现了作弊也没有报告
4作者认为应该学习G校的做法，但是忽略了其他学校与G校的不同，而这些不同可能导致方法行不通。例如学生性格，师生关系，或者其他学校可能本来作弊的情况就很少，贸然使用此方法，不但没有效果，还可能使学生反感
5总结说明作者的结论是没有说服力的
The conclusion endorsed in the argument is that [url=]institutions[/url][wx1] should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton’s, which [url=]seemly helped[/url][wx2]
reduce cheating among students.[url=] Several evidences are provided to buttress the conclusion. [/url][wx3] Firstly, a survey shows that majority of students would be less likely to cheat with an honor code. Then, [url=]he[/url][wx4] deems the new system [url=]as[/url][wx5] the only factor which [url=]enormously contributes to[/url][wx6] reducing cheating. Besides, he assumes that [url=]it is also appropriate[/url][wx7] to adopt an honor code in other institutions. Convincing and reasonable [url=]as the argument seems[/url][wx8]
at first glance, further reflection reveals that it is far from persuasive.


首段要求复述作者结论和简要复述作者的理由，此处少了数据figure的部分，红色部分语言有点chenglish可能有错误,建议多读范文。最好能将短句连接成长句。
逻辑上，最好能缕清楚攻击点间的关系再写出来，而且第一段只写概括的即可，后面分段再写分的即可。


First and foremost, [url=]neither relevant nor convincing is the result of the survey conducted by the Groveton honor council[/url][wx9] , On one hand, the author provides no details about the sample size[url=] [/url][wx10] [url=]concerning that the less the sample size is, the less reliable the conclusion is[/url][wx11] . We can imagine that perhaps the number of respondents is [url=]statically[/url][wx12] trivial and insignificant in the whole group, thereby [url=]unpresentative[/url][wx13] of the characteristics of all preferences. On the other hand, failing to provide information concerning how the survey was conducted, nor the approach of designing the questionnaire, it is likely that questions designed in survey are expected [url=]instigating[/url][wx14] . After a [url=]scruting[/url][wx15] analysis, it is imprudent for the author to draw any explicit and unequivocal conclusion based upon the survey.


   对此段，你对那个survey的攻击很详细，而我的感觉是那个survey对作者而言是一个略写的次要论据，它的有效性主要在于是否匿名，学生们是否forthright（一般正常情况下作弊的人在非匿名调查不太可能坦白）

Furthermore, the author regards honor codes as the most crucial factor impacting on[url=] reduction[/url][wx16] of cheating among students[url=].[/url] However, it is considerably precarious.[wx17] The author fails to discern other possible reason that may [url=]bring up[/url][wx18] reduction of cheating, such as the [url=]education of morality and sincerity[/url][wx19] in schools. It is likely that students give up cheating as a result of receiving [url=]morality[/url][wx20] education and finally becoming [url=]mentally thoughtful and sophisticated[/url][wx21] . In addition, perhaps after several years of adopting the new system, students have lost the enthusiasm to notify faculty members. Unless the author [url=]pondered over [/url][wx22] other possible reasons, the cause-and-effect relationship between the new system and reduction of cheating is uncorroborated and irrelevant.
[url=]Thirdly,[/url][wx23] the author maintains that other institutions should adopt the new system of Groveton’s [url=]while[/url][wx24]
ignoring the possible dissimilarity of other schools. It is [url=]highly doubtful[/url][wx25] that the strategy of Groveton’s is also applicable to other places. [url=]The relationship between teachers and students differs. In a relationship lacking of communication between faculty and students, students are less likely to notify faculty members even though they suspect others cheating.[/url][wx26] In addition, it is highly possible that honor [url=]codes[/url][wx27] is unnecessary for some schools, in which situation of cheating is negligible,[url=] and discontent students[/url][wx28] . As an outcome, even though some institution adopts the new system, [url=]it is unlikely[/url][wx29] to witness the situation of Groveton’s

To wrap up,  the author’s argument is far from persuasive and convincing as it stands and it is imprudent for him to [url=]extrapolate a conclusion that[/url][wx30] other institution should adopts the same system of Groveton’s to avoid cheating. In order to make his reasoning [url=]logically more reasonable[/url][wx31] , he should provide[url=] further and concrete[/url][wx32] evidences.




总体感觉组织的不错，但是figure的那个证据应该提一下，做攻击的时候论述和错误的归属关系如果能再理清楚一点就好了。语言方面多看范文，确定能用的搭配再用比较好。

[wx1]those institutions



[wx2]seems helpful to



[wx3]简述证据，不要写这种套话比较好



[wx4]用the arguer 或the author 较好



[wx5]deem 。。。to be较好，不知道as对不对



[wx6]contributes enormously to



[wx7]我觉得这个地方你是不是想说the author assumes that the honor code will be effective in other institutions as well.



[wx8]不能用seem as



[wx9]个人觉得这地方主语较长不适宜倒装，即使倒装也应该是neither relevant nor convincing the result of the survey conducted by the Groveton honor council [wx9] is，且结尾应该句号



[wx10]，



[wx11]这句话有点别扭，我觉得 less size of sample indicates less reliable conclusion就可以了，不用非得用这个句式



[wx12]这个词是静态地，静止地的意思，你是不是想用statistically




[wx13]没这个单词是否unrepresentative而且



[wx14]这种时候通常说loaded question



[wx15]这个词是审查监察的意思，不知道你这想用的是什么



[wx16]The reduction



[wx17]这块可以写成which is considerably precarious, however.



[wx18]Bring about the?



[wx19]moral
education就可以



[wx20]moral



[wx21]我觉得你是不是想说honest and sincere



[wx22]这块用rule out 或者exclude较好



[wx23]Last but not least比较好



[wx24]就用，比较好



[wx25]查了一下没有这么搭配的



[wx26]这块想的挺具体的，最好表现出你是在列举可能性加上may might maybe perhaps之类的，而且如果能练成长句，表现出逻辑关系就更好了（个人感觉，你想想咱们再交流吧）



[wx27]Code



[wx28]Discontent是个名词，没明白你想表达什么



[wx29]It may be not as efficient as



[wx30]Extrapolate that就很好draw a conclusion



[wx31]More logical and reasonable



[wx32]不确定是否further concrete




如果上线了，急得叫我，我把word发给你，再接再厉阿