求猛拍，，要考了！

applekUID: 2601946

TOPIC: ARGUMENT209 - The following recommendation was made by the Human Resources Manager to the board of directors of the Fancy Toy Company.
"In the last three quarters of this year, under the leadership of our president, Pat Salvo, our profits have fallen considerably. Thus, we should ask for her resignation in return for a generous severance package. In Pat's place, we should appoint Rosa Winnings. Rosa is currently president of Starlight Jewelry, a company whose profits have increased dramatically over the past several years. Although we will have to pay Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving, it will be well worth it because we can soon expect our profits to increase considerably."
WORDS: 478
TIME: 00:37:00
DATE: 2009-8-11 18:56:47

In the argument, the author recommends that Fancy Toy Company shoud ask for Pat Salvo resignation in return for a generous severance package and appoints Rosa Winnings in Pat's place, and the action will make the profits increase considerably. To justify the conclusion, the author cites the fact that in the last three quarters of this year, under the leadership of Pat, the company's profits have fallen considerably and that Rosa, the currently president of Starlight Jewelry, whose profits have increased dramatically over the past several years. Also the author points out that their company has to pay twice the salary that Pat has been receiving.

To begin with, the author's conclusion is based on the assumption that the capacity and ability of Rosa is far beeter than Pat's. However, the author does not provide sufficient evidence about the two. The mere fact that when Pat lead the company, the profits decreas, and when Rosa in power their company's profits increase may not prove that one is better than the other. And also the two persons are in different industries and the author has not compare and take these differences into consideration.

Secondly, even assuming that Rosa is much better than Pat, the author can not inevitablely conclude that hiring Rosa and firing Pat is wise and reasonable. The salary of Rosa is
twice as much as Pat's. To the company, the cost is expensive but the author does not prove that by hiring Rosa can offset the cost and increase more interests for the company. Perhaps, the profits that Rosa brings about in the future is far less that what Rosa costs. For that matter, it of course not benefial to the company and there is no need to hiring Rosa. Anyway the author fails to convince me in this part as well.

Finally, even if the with the higher salary, Rosa can increase the profits of the company to some extent. Yet, the author's reasoning is not cogent and unconvincing. Common sense and experience inform us that the success and increasing considerable profits depend on numerous factors, such as the management, the marketing, the products, the whole economy of the nation and so on. For example, if the economy condition are too bad, like the contemporay finacial crisis, and every company are just struggling to maintain their business. It is entirely possible that even hiring Rosa will accomplish lilttle. The author has not considered these possibilities which lends little credibility to the conclusion.

To sum up, the conslusion by the author is not well supported as it stands and therefore unconvincing. To better bolster it, the author needs to provide more information and cogent evidences, about the more comparison of the two persons, the analysis of the company's condition, the economy condition and so forth. Without all these evidences, the author may call into more quetsions.

彩虹沙漠UID: 2328322

简单看了一下你的文章，的确有一些问题，这里提一下。有说的不完备的或者批评的不对的还望你谅解。
首先，第一段和第二段之间的让步关系不是很强。与此同时，第二段的攻击点显得有些单薄了。
其次，文章的攻击点以及攻击点的顺序安排不是很理想。我个人认为，可以这样一个思路：首先说公司的profit下降不一定归咎于P的不良领导。（可能在过去一些年里P的表现一直很出色，又或者由于economic depression整个行业都在亏损不能归咎于P等等）；然后让步说即使公司的不良业绩一定程度的归咎于P，但是辞掉P用R不一定reasonable。（可以说要付的违约金可能很高；R公司的好业绩不一定完全归功于R，而且R不一定是好的选择，毕竟行业有差异；综合考虑R的高薪水这个举措不一定是advisable的）。最后说，即使R比P好，不一定换了R就能盈利。毕竟好的leadership只是盈利的一方面，还有很多，比如市场需求，售后服务，产品质量，市场竞争等等。感觉这么安排攻击点回好一些，不知道你是否这样认为。
最后，再提一点。文章的论证不够丰满，而且开头结尾模板稍微有点重。这个问题挺普遍，其实我一开始也这样，后来我发现把那些开头结尾，每段的套话都去掉，发现没多少真正论证的话。我想那样的文章是不会高分的。所以希望楼主再多下点功夫。加油了~~~~~