【咖啡盐作文修改铺子】*请先仔细阅读首页要求再附文

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

终于不再是学僧啦，好嗨森！好嗨森！！好嗨森！！！


要求：
1.自改最少一次，无明显单词拼写及语法错误。
2.附上题目。
3.也可以附上写文心得，一起谈谈写作思路。
4.最好直接贴于楼下，方便广大版友参阅以及提意见。
5.文章贴上来后请复查格式是否出现问题，请自己调整。（最好是顶格写，段与段之间空一行的格式）
6.改后最好有反馈，满意不满意、有何意见等，水平有限，我也需要不断提高的嘛~

原则：
1.单日Argument，双日Issue，每次一篇。
2.按距考试时间远近来决定修改的程度，比如快要考的，就简单些，还早的就详细些。
3.原则上不修改重复题目的文章。结构思路上可以再作讨论，但文章不复改。
4.PO上来的文，最好自己已经写过3-4篇，基本不改“处女作”。


END，预祝各位取得满意的成绩！


最近忙于逃离天朝事宜以及各种聚会，时间上灰常没有规律

babyenochUID: 3153670

哈哈~~版主，爱死你咯~~~我331就要考了，前天第一次写issue~~结果憋了好几个小时才写好，昨天网络不好没发上来，今天刚好看到你的帖子，那就麻烦了，嘿嘿，狠狠的拍，拍死不赖你~~
个人觉得好难下笔，写几句就没话说了，边写还要边查词典，哎~~废话不说了，上文

issue13

Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

正文（468 words, about 2-3 hours）
Determining whether something should or should not be done could be weighted in many aspects. Different people have different answers due to their respective point of view. On balance, my view is that universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study since the purpose of education is to let students know more knowledge from different fields.

The first reason why I have such a view is that taking a variety of course will expand students' view and promote the integrity of their personality. As to liberal students, learning science will enhance their ability of logic, while the study of art will help the students of science improve their EQ and humanities. The study of courses outside a student's major field may benefit the study of their own, since various disciplines are related. Take Einstein as an example. As we know, he is a famous physicist. But he got the thought of the unity of the world from the philosophical thoughts of Spinoza and Euclidean geometries. At the same time, he was equally famous with the violinist in the field of violin playing. However, the students who only focus on their own field, especially the students of science, will become idiocies of daily life. Shelton, the leading man of the big bang theory, who is a genius in the field of physics but a child in the social interaction, is a typical example.


Another reason is that only studying a student's own field cannot meet the demands of the developing society. Nowadays, the field of study in the university is more and more detailed. On the other hand, the problems in the society are more and more complicated. Most of them need to be solved by knowledge of many subjects. Taking courses outside the student's field of study provides chance for students to understand more about other subjects. It is benefit for students to solve complicated problems in the future.

Emphasizing the importance of studying the courses outside excessively, however, may lead students neglecting the knowledge of certain fields of study. Therefore, universities should emphasize on the study of a student's major field, while require students to take courses outside the student's field of study. When all is said and done, the study of one's own field will make one go deep into this field, which will strengthen one's capability to engage any realm of employment or research work. Otherwise, students will trap into a situation that they know everything but only a little.

In sum, from what has been discussed above, any thinking person will believe that it is complementary between the depth of the professional knowledge and the extent of the knowledge about all subjects. Universities should focus students to learn courses outside their major field of study.

觉得写得好挫，哎= =
还有啊，版主，问个问题~~AW的instruction到底该怎么处理啊？虽然老师讲了不同instruction的区别，可还是觉得不同instruction写起来就没区别了。。。。。考试的时候影响会很大吗？

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

2# babyenoch

Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

正文（468 words, about 2-3 hours）
Determining whether something should or should not be done could be weighted
【weigh】in 【觉得划线句有点怪怪的，各人倾向于用rests with这类短语代替。】many aspects. Different people have different answers due to their respective point of view.【这句话可写可不写，有点累赘。】 On balance, 【多余。功能上与前句话重复；其次，都还没有任何论述，就总结上了，不合适。前句话说了每个人有每个人的观点，为的就是引出your point。】my view
is that 【针对view，个人建议可以适当换个形式，前句作名词，这里可以考虑换成动词。e.g.As far as I am concerned】universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study since the purpose of education is to let students know more knowledge from different fields.首段的脉络挺清晰的，看来LZ很有底子，知道自己想要表达什么，并且如何去表达自己的想法。不足的地方就是，在表达上有时候有点过分追求了，使得原本简单的问题，变得些许复杂。另一个，关于文章开头的引语部分，不知道LZ对这部分是怎么看的；个人觉得，如果在没有好的引言的话，不妨尝试更贴合题目的主题进行阐述。

The first reason why I have such a view is that taking a variety of course will 【would，语气可以稍微退让一点】expand students' view 【scope or mind would be better】and promote the integrity of their personality【这里的表达太罗嗦了。integrate/perfect their personality】.【论据清晰】 As to liberal 【开明的学生？】students, learning science will enhance their ability of logic, while the study of art will help the students of science improve their EQ and humanities. The study of courses outside a student's major field may benefit the study of their own,【the student him/herself】 since various disciplines are related. Take Einstein as an example. As we know, he is a famous physicist. But he got the thought of the unity of the world from the philosophical thoughts of Spinoza and Euclidean geometries.【这个转折太绝对了。他的理论仅仅是通过哲学得到的么？his thought of the unity of the world contains the pilosophy theories from...】 At the same time, he was equally famous with the violinist in the field of violin playing. 【这句话不知道与前面的论述关联何在。】However,【Contrarily or On the contrary】 the students who only focus on their own field, especially the students of science, 【有点绝对，个人建议：such as chemistry, physics, computer science and so forth.这样一个列举。】will become idiocies of daily life.【For instance,】 Shelton, the leading man of the big bang theory, who is a genius in the field of physics but a child in the social interaction, is a typical example.论证的逻辑和层次都清晰可见，也有理有据。缺点在于句子的处理上，可以再细致一点，有些地方有些随意。句与句之间的逻辑性有待加强。


Another reason is that only studying a student's own field cannot meet the demands of the developing society. Nowadays, the field of study in the university is more and more detailed.【intricate.这段话还有个问题，逻辑只有一半。为什么学校里的专业会越来越复杂。前面应该加上一句是因为社会的分工越来越细密，学校为了迎合社会的需要学习的领域才越来越详细。】 On the other hand, the problems in the society are more and more complicated. Most of them need to be solved by knowledge of many subjects. 【辅以一个例子更加充分，就这么一句话欠缺说服力。】Taking courses outside the student's field of study provides chance for students to understand more about other subjects. 【这句话有点欠考虑。与前面的内容没有什么联系。学习其他领域的知识只是为了了解其他领域吗？可以结合前文做一个总结，学习其他领域的知识可以使得这些学生将来更加从容地应对碰到的问题和挑战。】It is benefit for students to solve complicated problems in the future.

Emphasizing the importance of studying the courses outside excessively, however, may lead students neglecting the knowledge of certain fields of study.【the study of their certain fields】 Therefore, universities should emphasize on 【guarantee their students complete 】the study of their major field, while require students to take courses outside the student's field of study. When all is said and done, the study of one's own field will make one go deep into this field, which will strengthen one's capability to engage any realm of employment or research work. Otherwise, students will trap into a situation that they know everything but only a little.【既然论证的是在学其他学科的同时不丢弃主要学科，那么得出的结论应该是更加全面的，而不是单单针对main field。】

In sum, from what has been discussed above, any thinking person will believe that it is complementary between the depth of the professional knowledge and the extent of the knowledge about all subjects. Universities should focus students to learn courses outside their major field of study.

=========================================================================
LZ文章的脉络和结构上很清楚，让人一目了然，知道文章是如何发展的，很难能可贵，第一篇能把结构写好。问题主要在段落中句子与句子之间的逻辑关系上。也就是宏观上LZ过关了，但是微观上，还需努力。段落中有些句子的联系上还要再多多推敲推敲。另外，就是语言表达上面，还要在下番功夫，能简练的表达的就简练一点，切忌啰嗦。

本人能力有限，观点仅供参考。

chocoletUID: 3214699

2.18 G， 请指教！

Argument 14  30 min
The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.
"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentina advertising
exeutives according to the average number of hours they sleep per
night showed an association between the amount of sleep the
executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising
firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than
6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster
growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper,
it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per
night."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions.......

The arguer suggests that all the business which wants to prosper  
should hire only those who need less than 6 hours of sleep based on  
a study rating 300 advertising execucives, which showed a
relationship  
between a need of less than 6 hours of sleep per night and higher  
acheivement in business. However, close scrunity of this argument
will reveal that  that it is based on several groundless assumptions, which renders  
the argument tenuous.
  To begin with, the arguer assumes that there is a causal  
relationship between a need of less than 6 hours of sleep and  
success in executive's career merely because there is an  
association. This assumption lend little support to the argument  
since a need of little sleep is not a convincing indicator of great  
achievement. Maybe they are all working very hard, thus they have  
little time left to sleep that leads to there success.  On the
contrast, those who sleep very little at night possibly just because
they spend their night in bars or something like that, which will
have little contribution to success. Then the  
results reveal that it's the hard work that accounts.
  Even if the sleep matters for those executives' success, the  
arguer assumes that it will be applicable to other areas of business
regardless of all other aspects that may differ from advertising.  
Chances are that advertising is a very special and demanding career
thus the  executives have to sleep less to achieve more. But probably in other
branches of business it is not the same. Those executives can sleep
more than 6 hours and succeed at the same time.
  Furthermore, even if the result suggest a universal value to other
business area, it doesn't justify the practice of hiring only those  
who does not need more than 6 hours of sleep in a company. To begin
with, this  study is done with the the executives, they are only part of the  
personnel of a company, thus the sample is not representative.  
Therefore, the result may turn out quite different for  
other employees. Secondly, amount of sleeping hours is just one  
matter of considering whether hiring a candidate or not, there  
should be other factors such as technical skills, experience,
development potentials and so on. Thirdly, the requirement of other  
positions in a company is different from the executives, thus the  
standard should be disparate in hiring.
  In sum, the assumptions mentioned above lend the argument  
untenable. To strengthen the argument, the arguer should prove that  
there is a causal relationship between a need of less than 6 hours  
of sleep and career success, that the result is universally
applicable  and that hiring other employees and the executives in a company have
the same requirement.

sgmjkUID: 3230471

Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
非常感谢斑竹！
In modern society,advent of a myriad of metropolis indispensably symbolize both strength and prosperity in a state.As positions of a nation's metropolis become more significant than ever,the issue of whether Governments should responsibilities to invest more on major cities seems to be intricate and complicate just as much as a nation's cultural institutions and traditions remain protected and developed largely in those cities.I tend to disapprove of both the claim and the reason because there are alternative towns and cities to stimulate cultural thriving.

In the first place,it is impossible to fully disapprove of the claim.After all,metropolis of a country necessarily direct and guide country's path to develop.To clarify,it is not uncommon that blooming education always springs from main cities.An apt illustration evolves in Beijing which takes the position of capital city in China.In fact,Beijing cultivate a relative glut of excellent universities and colleges within the whole nation including Beijing University as well as Qsinghua University,both of which stays renowned and outstanding in the world.On the other hand,great accomplishments in a country hinges on value and honor in its main cities.To illustrate,also in Beijing,2008 Olympic Games was once successfully held,which attracting hundreds of thousands foreigners' eyes over the world.Therefore,by doing this,an increasing number of individuals gained opportunities to know and appreciate this ancient and civilized country.

Nevertheless,small cities,towns,and even village need sufficient patronage from Government in order to qualify gap between rich and poor.Particularly in small countries,officers could never turn a blind eye to those have-nots who work and live toughly in impoverished areas.Consider,the land of Africa,for example,there are still more than two millions people suffering from impoverishment,starvation and fatal diseases.Undoubtedly,to ensure and support their fundamental lives remains  the Government's initial and unshakable obligation.Another less egregious illustration evolves in China,which lives in more than four hundred millions farmers.Indeed,those farmers mainly from small countryside are still destitute of food and clothes.

On the other hand,though with reluctance,I would still partially agree with the reason.Unarguably,owing to the fact that those international cities exposed to diverse culture and civilization widely and deeply,they could help transmit their own cultural characteristic to the world.To illustrate this point,I can never think of a better example than Expo 2010 in Shanghai.The exposition provide a best stage for cultural communication among Asia,Europe,Africa,South America and so forth,which preeminently display Chinese culture including long history and charming customs to the rest of the earth.

Nonetheless,to overlook the fact that cultural relics and institutions in metropolis are vulnerable to disappear is somewhat unwise.Conversely,freeing from invasion of global culture as well as  influence of modern establishment,small cities have easier access to safeguarding their valuable cultural heritages.Indeed,according to the statistics drawn from a recent survey,more than one thousand cultural relics particularly in large cities vanish every year.

To put it in a nutshell,despite vital importance of financial support in large cities,it is also equally crucial to fund small ones.Only by essentially protecting and developing culture both in metropolis and small cities can a cultural nation ultimately thrive.

babyenochUID: 3153670

呃。。。。版主
liberal student我是想表达文科学生，改成students majored in liberal art 可以不？

Take Einstein as an example. As we know, he is a famous physicist. But he got the thought of the unity of the world from the philosophical thoughts of Spinoza and Euclidean geometries.【这个转折太绝对了。他的理论仅仅是通过哲学得到的么？his thought of the unity of the world contains the pilosophy theories from...】
这句话中文的原文表述是“他从斯宾诺莎的哲学和欧几里得的几何学中吸取了世界统一性思想”，应该没有包含的意思，不过我不知道自己的翻译是不是准确。

Taking courses outside the student's field of study provides chance for students to understand more about other subjects. 【这句话有点欠考虑。与前面的内容没有什么联系。学习其他领域的知识只是为了了解其他领域吗？可以结合前文做一个总结，学习其他领域的知识可以使得这些学生将来更加从容地应对碰到的问题和挑战。】It is benefit for students to solve complicated problems in the future.
其实我这两句话的目的就是对前文的总结，不过可能写成两句有点缺乏连贯性，我改了一下Taking courses outside the student's field of study provides chance for students to understand more about other subjects, and it will be benefit for students to solve complicated problems in the future.


还有就是倒数第二段你给的评论【既然论证的是在学其他学科的同时不丢弃主要学科，那么得出的结论应该是更加全面的，而不是单单针对main field。】不太明白。我中间三个主体段是分别论述三个分论点，最后一段才是结论，我稍微修改了一下，这样可以吗？any thinking person will believe that it is complementary between the depth of the professional knowledge and the extent of the knowledge about all subjects. Universities should focus students to learn courses outside their major field of study while studying their major fields well.

总之，还是很感谢版主的，后面还要多多指教啊

chocoletUID: 3214699

换个格式请改下... 2.18G，请指教~~！
Argument 14  30 min
The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.
"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentina advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions.......

The arguer suggests that all the business which wants to prosper  should hire only those who need less than 6 hours of sleep based on  a study rating 300 advertising executives, which showed a relationship  between a need of less than 6 hours of sleep per night and higher  achievement in business. However, close scrutiny of this argument will reveal that  that it is based on several groundless assumptions, which renders  the argument tenuous.  

To begin with, the arguer assumes that there is a causal  relationship between a need of less than 6 hours of sleep and  success in executive's career merely because there is an  association. This assumption lend little support to the argument  since a need of little sleep is not a convincing indicator of great  achievement. Maybe they are all working very hard, thus they have  little time left to sleep that leads to there success.  On the contrast, those who sleep very little at night possibly just because they spend their night in bars or something like that, which will have little contribution to success. Then the  results reveal that it's the hard work that accounts.

Even if the sleep matters for those executives' success, the  arguer assumes that it will be applicable to other areas of business regardless of all other aspects that may differ from advertising.  Chances are that advertising is a very special and demanding career thus the  executives have to sleep less to achieve more. But probably in other branches of business it is not the same. Those executives can sleep more than 6 hours and succeed at the same time.  

Furthermore, even if the result suggest a universal value to other business area, it doesn't justify the practice of hiring only those  who does not need more than 6 hours of sleep in a company. To begin with, this  study is done with the the executives, they are only part of the  personnel of a company, thus the sample is not representative.  Therefore, the result may turn out quite different for  other employees. Secondly, amount of sleeping hours is just one  matter of considering whether hiring a candidate or not, there  should be other factors such as technical skills, experience, development potentials and so on. Thirdly, the requirement of other  positions in a company is different from the executives, thus the  standard should be disparate in hiring.

In sum, the assumptions mentioned above lend the argument  untenable. To strengthen the argument, the arguer should prove that  there is a causal relationship between a need of less than 6 hours  of sleep and career success, that the result is universally applicable  and that hiring other employees and the executives in a company have the same requirement.

peanut1008UID: 2499237

非题库问题，求修改

education can have a tremendous effect on the economic development of a country. please provide a plan to encourage students to pursue a higher education degree.

Ever since education emerged, it has been tightly linked with socio-economic development. People with higher education degree often obtain more income in the society. Meanwhile, researches have proven the long held expectation that a population’s education plays a significant role in a country’s economic development. It is commonly assumed that education has important positive effects on science, health care and responds to natural disaster. Obviously, all of them have great impact on economic development. Youth shoulder the responsibility of developing economic in the country. Therefore, every youth had better pursue a higher education and acquire more knowledge.

There is no denying the fact that education helps people know much more knowledge and utilize it to invent equipment. Accepted the high-quality education, James Watt and his great innovation, steam power, started the Industry Revolution in Britain. Consequently, well-educated gentlemen created new machineries and changed the world dramatically in agriculture, manufacturing, and transportation. Most notably, average income and economics began to exhibit over tenfold. Regarded as one of the most major turning points in human history, the Industry Revolution had a profound effect on the economic conditions of the times. Centuries later, the introduction of computer, Internet and mobile phone cause a dramatically change of the economic development again. Today, every business is a digital business; large or small, local or multinational. It provides a way for people to developing a market much more conveniently and boundless. This big economic development can attribute to the new technology and education as well.

Additional to new technology, fertility levels, survival rates and health care can plausibly be assumed to be linked to a country’s levels of educational attainment. Women with higher levels of education almost universally have fewer children than women with lower levels of education. Better education also results in better health for mothers and children because of better access to crucial information and health care. These can save government budget on health care into develop other business. Moreover, medical talents who acquire good education can prevent society from suffering severe diseases. Take flu as an example. In the middle age, pandemic influenza killed millions of lives and blocked the world economic development. Nowadays, scientists research and develop vaccine to defeat lots of communicable diseases so that people can live healthy and develop economics without worries. Furthermore, huge profits of vaccine and drugs are created by medicine companies every day. Needless to say, it is another good example of higher education has impact on economic development.

It would be a nightmare that diseases can block economic development. What’s worse, natural disaster, such as earthquake and hurricane, can ruin the local economic in seconds and draw back the economic conditions some decades. Developing countries often suffer much more extensive and acute crises at the hands of natural disasters, because they are lack of experts and warning systems. On the contrary, developed countries often have professors and mature surveillance to forecast and respond to the crises. Therefore, architects and officers are encouraged to pursue higher education degree. After studied in colleges, they could design anti-earthquake buildings and build emergency systems. These can also incentive economic development in rough material market and create job opportunities. At the same time, professors research the earthquake and tsunami. In future, people could predict the disaster and get rid of the economic sudden ruin.

In general, education has a tremendous effect on the economic development of a country. Youth had better pursue a higher education degree. Better education leads not only to higher individual income but is also a necessary precondition for long-term economic growth.

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

8# chocolet

The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.

"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentina advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions.......

脉络：根据对Mentina广告公司300名男女主管关于平均睡眠时间与公司事业关系的调查，受调查人员声称他们只需要少于6小时的睡眠，这些人能创造更多的业绩，由此作者得出结论：一个公司想要成功，就要雇佣那些所需睡眠时间少于6小时的人员。

其中主要问题就是：公司成功需要的是睡眠少于6小时的人员，依据是一家广告公司主管们的报告。

The arguer suggests that all the business which wants to prosper  should hire only those who need less than 6 hours of sleep based on  a study rating 300 advertising executives, which showed a relationship  between a need of less than 6 hours of sleep per night and higher  achievement in business. However, close scrutiny of this argument will reveal that  that it is based on several groundless assumptions, which renders  the argument tenuous.  【这个半句模版还不如全句模版。没有first look的somehow convincing，何来close scrutiny的vague？不知道LZ有没有看过ETS发布出来的旧G中Argument样板文章，其中拿高分的作品大多是开头直接先喷击作者是有错误的。虽然参照同样很模版，但也能知道ETS喜欢比较直接的文章。另外，个人觉得第一句话太单一，可以适当做些变化：Basing on a study among 300 advertising executives in Mentina advertising firm about their achievements related to sleeping hours they need, the arguer makes the conclusion that people with less than 6 hours of sleep per night can help a business to prosper. 例如这类比较多元化的句式，会使得这类需要高度概括型的总结句增色不少。当然我写的比较简陋，做不得数。高度总结型句式切忌结构单一。】

To begin with, the arguer assumes that there is a causal  relationship between a need of less than 6 hours of sleep and  success in executive's career merely because there is an  association.【 原句中中的association between 就是relationship between，这句话没必要，就直接说the arguer roughly makes the causal relationship between.....直接明了。接下来就直接指出具体怎么样地欠考虑。】 This assumption lend little support to the argument  since a need of little sleep is not a convincing indicator of great  achievement. Maybe they are all working very hard, thus they have  little time left to sleep that leads to there success. 【该句话论证力度不够，他们睡得晚因为工作卖力，但他们确实睡得晚，你反而帮助作者在找理由。你没有注意到题目中的关键词“average”，少于6小时只是那300多主管的平均睡眠时间，那么说明是有人睡得晚，但不能否定有人是很早睡的。而公司的产值是由所有人一起创造的，而不是个别人，所以我们无法肯定出力多的究竟是睡眠多余6小时的，还是少于6小时的。】 On the contrast, those who sleep very little at night possibly just because they spend their night in bars or something like that, which will have little contribution to success. 【同样问题，力度不够。别人在下班时间将时间花费在bar这些娱乐场所是别人的自由，相反，经过很好的放松工作上的压力，第二天才能更好的去工作，不能否定他们对工作没有贡献。】Then the  results reveal that it's the hard work that accounts. 【LZ没有很好的把握住题目中调查的关键问题。题目调查得出的是一个不准确的泛概念，准确与否还有待研究。】

Even if the sleep matters for 【有这个表达么？我不太清楚，如果LZ确定忽略我的疑问。e.g.even if the sleep problem does comparatively have relation to the success, 】those executives' success, the  arguer assumes that it will be applicable to other areas of business regardless of all other aspects that may differ from advertising.  Chances are that advertising is a very special and demanding career thus the  executives have to sleep less to achieve more. But probably in other branches of business it is not the same. Those executives can sleep more than 6 hours and succeed at the same time.  【该段的逻辑有问题，环节上想太多了。睡眠时间的问题针对的是主管的工作情况，但公司的成功并不仅仅依赖于主管本身，而是全公司的努力，所以少于6小时的睡眠时间能够确保主管的成功，并不能确保公司的成功。另外，睡眠少于六小时能获得成功是主管自己的说法，自己少于六小时的睡眠，却创造了很好的业绩，可能是他们在调查中为了博取高层的青睐而有意为之，其实他们的睡眠究竟是否少于6小时不得而知。】

Furthermore, even if the result suggest a universal value to other business area, it doesn't justify the practice of hiring only those  who does not need more than 6 hours of sleep in a company. To begin with, this  study is done with the the executives, they are only part of the  personnel of a company, thus the sample is not representative.  Therefore, the result may turn out quite different for  other employees. Secondly, amount of sleeping hours is just one  matter of considering whether hiring a candidate or not, there  should be other factors such as technical skills, experience, development potentials and so on. Thirdly, the requirement of other  positions in a company is different from the executives, thus the  standard should be disparate in hiring.

In sum, the assumptions mentioned above lend the argument  untenable. To strengthen the argument, the arguer should prove that  there is a causal relationship between a need of less than 6 hours  of sleep and career success, that the result is universally applicable  and that hiring other employees and the executives in a company have the same requirement.

==============================================================================

感觉LZ的逻辑写到后面有点乱了，你可以再想想这个问题究竟是怎么发展的。

我的逻辑：
1、广告行业的情况能否推得其他领域
2、就算其他行业情况差不多，主管的情况能否推得其他岗位
3、就算主管的情况可以代表其他的岗位，他们睡眠少于6小时是不是真的

大致提纲暂时就想到这些，好久没看AW了，能力有点退步了，希望绵薄之力能为LZ提供些许有用的贡献，有问题，我们还可以进一步讨论

个人建议：对于argument的思考，要一步一步来，越简单越好，越傻越好，不要想多，想得越简单，越有利于论证。另外，着眼点首先应直击文章的关键问题。这道题目还是比较直白的，因为作者给出了结论，那么最关键的一点就是结论与论据之间的联系了，这段是主要的部分。

咖啡盐UID: 2973669

6# sgmjk

Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
非常感谢斑竹！
In modern society,advent of a myriad of metropolis indispensably symbolize both strength and prosperity in a state.【重复】As positions of a nation's metropolis become more significant than ever,the issue of whether Governments should responsibilities 【注意语态】to invest more on major cities 【or not】seems to be intricate and  complicated just as much as a nation's cultural institutions and traditions remain protected and developed largely in those cities.【病句，as much as 所伴随的是前一句话题，而不是城市的地位；另外，intricate 和 complicated重复，完全是一个意思。】I tend to disapprove of both the claim and the reason because there are alternative towns and cities to stimulate cultural thriving.
【逻辑上自相矛盾】
In the first place,it is impossible to fully disapprove of the claim.After all,metropolis of a country necessarily direct and guide country's path to develop.To clarify,it is not uncommon that blooming education always springs from main cities.An apt illustration evolves in Beijing which takes the position of capital city in China.In fact,Beijing cultivate a relative glut of excellent universities and colleges within the whole nation including Beijing University as well as Qsinghua University,both of which stays renowned and outstanding in the world.On the other hand,great accomplishments in a country hinges on value and honor in its main cities.To illustrate,also in Beijing,2008 Olympic Games was once successfully held,which attracting hundreds of thousands foreigners' eyes over the world.Therefore,by doing this,an increasing number of individuals gained opportunities to know and appreciate this ancient and civilized country.【这段主题是什么？看划线句是说城市引导国家的发展，但是论据力度不够。第一处关于教育方面，清华北大国际知名，这对国家的教育有什么作用？教育太片面了，如果要上升到国家的层次，教育同样要升华成为文化事业。再一个，如果看了LZ第一句话，会联想到政府在主要城市建设的投入力度上，但之后的论证于此处关系并不紧密。等于该段LZ给予了两个主题：1、为什么claim不全对，2、城市如何引导国家发展。】

Nevertheless,small cities,towns,and even village need sufficient patronage from Government in order to qualify gap between rich and poor.Particularly in small countries,officers could never turn a blind eye to those have-nots who work and live toughly in impoverished areas.Consider,the land of Africa,for example,there are still more than two millions people suffering from impoverishment,starvation and fatal diseases.【病句】Undoubtedly,to ensure and support their fundamental lives remains  the Government's initial and unshakable obligation.Another less egregious illustration evolves in China,which lives in more than four hundred millions farmers.Indeed,those farmers mainly from small countryside are still destitute of food and clothes.【本段论证本身没什么大问题，但是就该题目而言同样没有答在点上。题目着眼于城市与民族文化的关系上，按照题目的逻辑城市承载着传统文化，那么政府就应该支持。如果LZ想以小城镇来论述部分地不赞同，同样应该按照题目的脉络来论述；小城镇同样承载着传统文化，甚至很多情况下小城镇比大城市更加传统，由此小城镇所承载的传统文化岂不是更加浓重？那么投入的力度不是更加要大么？贫困问题与题目没有直接联系。】

On the other hand,【on one hand...on the other hand...，没有one，哪来的the other呢？】though with reluctance,【没有人逼你...】I would still partially agree with the reason.【LZ什么时候被说服了？从disapprove成了partially agree了？】Unarguably,owing to the fact that those international cities exposed to diverse culture and civilization widely and deeply,they could help transmit their own cultural characteristic to the world.To illustrate this point,I can never think of a better example than Expo 2010 in Shanghai.The exposition provide a best stage for cultural communication among Asia,Europe,Africa,South America and so forth,which preeminently display Chinese culture including long history and charming customs to the rest of the earth.【例子明明是赞成的....上海作为中国的一个大城市，展示了中国的历史悠久的文化风俗...不就是reason么？如果划线句是本段中心的话，那么LZ你就偏了。题目没有要求讨论城市是否承担着传播文化以及文化交融的问题。reason要讨论的只是城市是否产生并承载着一个民族的传统文化。与传播和推广无关。】

Nonetheless,to overlook the fact that cultural relics and institutions in metropolis are vulnerable to disappear is somewhat unwise.Conversely,freeing from invasion of global culture as well as  influence of modern establishment,small cities have easier access to safeguarding their valuable cultural heritages.Indeed,according to the statistics drawn from a recent survey,more than one thousand cultural relics particularly in large cities vanish every year.

To put it in a nutshell,despite vital importance of financial support in large cities,it is also equally crucial to fund small ones.Only by essentially protecting and developing culture both in metropolis and small cities can a cultural nation ultimately thrive.

基本上偏了

Claim: Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive.
Reason: It is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

题目的关系：城市是一个民族传统文化主要的发源地，所以政府要确保主要城市的财政投入促繁荣。

两个同意：你是否同意民族文化是从城市开始发祥的？你是否同意繁荣发展的同时文化不会受到影响？

政府为什么要确保主要城市的建设？因为这些城市承载着民族的传统文化，所以才要促进这些城市的繁荣。但如果这样的建设会破坏这些本身存在的传统文化的话，那促进这样的建设是否可取？

本篇个人觉得就是讨论现代化建设与传统文化之间的关系，没必要去扯太多有的没的。小城镇的建设投入可以作为body第三段的一个补充更为合适。

另外LZ写作还有一个问题，每一段的总起太拖沓，为什么总是要写一句没有任何实质性意义的话语？

水果的夏天UID: 3022981

Why people attend college、
College is an area where we can learn a plenty of knwledge,and these knowledge could broad our horizen and develop our experience. Beside,another important reason for us isdiploma of college brings us high-educated honor and looks good on resume.
Firstly,we go to college for the desire of knowledge related to our future works,teachers broadcast skills and method as a pragmatic fuction.for instance,if you major in nursing,you would be teached how to inject and how to measure blood pressure that are not just limited to a theory area.furthermore,we can also consult materials from library. however,usually in high school, neither library building nor reading room provide us books.
Secondly,in college,we could choose what we like or dislike.on the contrary,in primary school or senior school.we were required to get great credits in various subjects whether maths ,biology or history.
Thirdly,high-educated people means better jobs, the certification of college can bring us a technology job but not a manual labor.we graduated from college just for the better life,and an high-salary job like mental work means wealthy life that is what we wanted.for instance,Have you graduated from law/medical school,you may become attorney/doctor even president which are the upper-class people,Nevertheless,if you have not been admitted to a college,you would never learned something involved in these areas,and you would never penetrate into the upper-class which majority of people are high-educated.
In sum, the advantage of going to college is outweigh the disadvantage.The college have a great deal of books,skils,knowledges and experiences from professor are waiting for us to learn,and we can select subjects we interested that would make us more efforts .The diploma would bring us more opportunity and wonderful life

chocoletUID: 3214699

改的好认真啊，大谢咖啡盐！

题目中说：“Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. ”
executive的睡眠时间和公司成功是有关系的，而不是跟他们个人的成功相关

我的思路是这样的：
1.公司成功是因为executive工作努力，而他们的睡眠时间少只是表面现象，深层次的原因是努力工作，就像NBA的球员裤子长度和得分率之间的正相关是因为越高越好拿分，裤子更长
2.就算是睡得少引起成功，能不能推到其他领域
3.就算是能推到其他领域，对所有的员工是不是应该同样要求

可能是我表达的时候没写好吧，自我感觉逻辑很清晰啊

另外，study的准确性不用批了吧？我看论坛上的帖子说关键是看逻辑的线索，而不是去批前提

模板我是要提高，谢谢提醒

chocoletUID: 3214699

请帮忙改一篇issue~


Issue 27 29min, 469 words
In any field of inquiry, the beginner is more likely than the expert to make important contributions.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


Human's inquiry can be roughly divided into two fields: science and humanity. While some people asserts that the beginner is more likely to make important contributions than the expert, the fact that it is the expert was, is and will be the most important contributor can be never undermined.


Take the field of science for example. Seemingly the beginner has some edges: firstly, since the study is totally fresh to him, he is ready to raise questions on the common place where the expert turns a blind eye on; secondly, the beginner is more imaginative, because their minds are not fettered by the restriction of the study.


However, close scrutiny will reveal that they are specious advantages. Although the beginner is more likely to put forward a question, is his question meaningful? Maybe his question has been thoroughly inquired, thus it is meaningless. After all, the science it's about collective endeavor, it's essential to know what has been achieved in this field to further the study, which is almost impossibe for the beginner. Then what about the imagination? As a matter of fact, creative thinking in science should be firmly grounded on the understanding of the subject, and should be expressed according to certain criterion, thus the imagination can be shared by the colleagues and make a difference. Chances are that the beginner doesn't even understand the abstruse theories in the field and he doesn't know how to convey the idea in certain standard, how is his imagination to be possibly contributive?


As in the case of humanity, the beginner is also less likely to make great contribution to the study than the expert. Even though the humanity places a high value on imagination, and history is plethora of examples where a beginner make a contribution, just as Mozart started to write beautiful melody at the age of 6, this mere fact can never overshadows the lions in the inquiry of humanity. J. S. Bach, who is regarded as the most prestigious musician in the history, is also a respected master in
music, and his contribution to music is much greater than Mozart at his beginner stage. Even Mozart himself made much more contributions to music after some years spending in the practice. Why? Because humanity is about the understanding of human nature, which can only be aquired by experiencing life himself and a good knowledge of the legacy of forerunners, whether in the study of history, philosophy or literature. Those lions in the fields are all experts.


In conclusion, though it is possible for the beginner to make contribution to a field of inquiry, it is only ephemeral if he does not learn and practise to be an expert. It is the expert that constantly make the most important contributions, whether in the past, nowadays or the future.

sgmjkUID: 3230471

非常感谢LZ！对于这种类型的题目其实我本身是想部分赞同claim部分赞同reason写的，然后LZ确实批得有理，跑题了不少...
我自己又想了下，梳理了一下提纲
1.(1)大城市承载文化，需要向世界展示，因此需要投资建设 比如世博会 Expo 2010 in Shanghai(2)但是在现代化建设中，人们更忙碌，渐渐忘记过去的传统 比如 短信拜年而不是上门或电话 一些古老的蕴藏着文化积淀的历史建筑让位给公路大厦建设 比如 胡同文化 保留着grassroots  handicraft和street art
2.（1）不可否认，很多语言、教育思想等传统源自于城市 比如 古都北京的语言最终保留下来慢慢发展为现在的普通话 （2）由于受到世界文化的冲击，大城市的文化容易消失；相反，很多小城镇正是依靠它们的历史和文化繁荣 比如丽江、凤凰文化的繁荣


对于赞同大城市中文化传统保留和产生这点我思路不是很开阔，想请教下怎么写比较好
希望这回行文切题，能和LZ再交流下！

babyenochUID: 3153670

这里还有一篇，要请版主再帮帮忙了，谢谢

141 It is more harmful to compromise one's own beliefs than to adhere to them.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

(472 words, 1 hour 8 minutes)
A belief, an idea that you accept as a factual, comes from one's own observation, experience, and reasoning, and from what one accepts from reading or listening. A person who always insists on his own beliefs may laugh at the one who sometimes compromise his beliefs since he believe it is more harmful to compromising one's own beliefs. However, I have my point slightly different from his. To better present my opinion, let me illustrate it in details.

It is no doubt that insisting on one's beliefs is very important, since behavior is important and our behavior depends on beliefs. Everything we do can be traced back to beliefs we hold about the world -- everything from brushing our teeth to our career. In some cases, we may be faced with a situation that challenge our own beliefs, such as you have been offered a job from a company which you don't like; you don't agree with your boss's opinion, but are too shy or too afraid to express your own point. When confronted with this situation, it is sometimes difficult to stick to your own beliefs. Unfortunately, the more we compromise our values, the more of a negative impact it has on our mental well-being. And, the more we compromise our values, the more we continue to do so. After a long time, you will be self-doubt. On the contrary, if we can adhere to our own beliefs, it will have positive impact on us.

We cannot insist on our beliefs blindly, however, no matter whether it is right or wrong. If our beliefs are proved to be wrong, we should give up. For example, people believed the earth was the center of the universe until Copernicus suggested the heliocentric theory. Of cause, almost all people disagreed with him except Galileo and Kepler who proved this theory with more forceful data under pressure. If they couldn't give up their own belief "the geocentric theory", maybe people still insist on the theory that "the earth is the center of the earth" now.

Certainly, we must adhere to our own beliefs if they are proved to be right. Take Kepler, the supporter of the heliocentric theory, as an example. After the heliocentric theory rose in 16th century, Kepler, a scientist from Italy, accepted this theory and spent his effort to prove that it is right. Although he was severely punished by Christian church -- burned alive, he didn't surrender from beginning to end. He stuck up for his beliefs with his life.

To sum up, from what has been discussed above, any thinking person will believe that compromising or adhering to one's own beliefs depends on the situations: if the beliefs we stick to are truths, we should try our best to adhere to them; on the contrary, we should give up them.