我的作文

gy0510150556UID：2546647

这是我的第一篇作文，请大家多多指教

8.11 Agree or disagree with the following statement: it is more important to award students for effort (trying or hard working) than for achievement (good grades)'

提纲1. Good grades ,to some extent, can not guarantee that students acquire knowledge and meet the  academical requirements demanded by subjects, while by hard working ,students can handle it.

      2. More attention laid upon grades by social and families might lead students to be struggling in the burdensome academic life, ignoring the development of some essential qualities.

Examination is always considered as a powerful scale measuring the academical achievements of students. So grades, more or less, are representative of whether students have done well in a given subject. And some individuals hold the opinion that it is more important to award students for good grades than their hard working. However, Ideem hard working is more indispensable to cause people to award students than good scores ,and my reasons are as follows.

First of all, good grades ,to some extent, can not guarantee that students acquire knowledge and meet the academical requirements demanded by subjects, while by hard working ,students can handle it. It is common nowadays that to attain a good mark ,students cram for the imminent exam for a couple of days and one hour after they step out of the examination hall, their large quantity of subject knowledge in memory might more or less be gone with the wind , little being left. However, hard working indicates a student's serious attitude towards study. Take me for example, I am a girl working hard. When studying a subject, I will make a detailed schedule for allocatingtime properly, study diligently in the given time and review what I have been taught many times before the exam.Even if I don not get a good score, I will correct my mistake and strengthen the understanding of subject knowledge. So by hard working ,I can truly master knowledge .It is more important to award students like me for our efforts and performance than for grades.

Also, more attention laid upon grades by social and families might lead students to be struggling in the burdensome academic life, ignoring the development of some essential qualities. Wether a student has done well in one subject depends on his or her ability. For example, if the demand of a course is beyond my ability but parents require me to get a good score, I may be compelled to spend all day long studying it. In fact, apart from acquiring knowledge, I still need to learn how to communicate with others, how to develop interpersonal relationships , which is basic and critical in future career. So social and families should never put too much emphasis on the pursuing of good marks and instead, award students for hard working ,which means students have made sufficient effort to study .

To sum up, grades may not be that important because they can be attained by temporary effort and may force students to abandon other essential qualities to pursue .But hard working means students have a serious attitude to study and more time would be spared to develop key properties. So people should award students for their efforts than achievements.

lsr91UID：2540702

先说一句 好长好长 好羡慕好羡慕 掐时间了吗？

gy0510150556UID：2546647

2# lsr91

没掐，赫赫，准备限时啦

zhangjingyi29UID：2449770

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提纲1. Good grades ,to some extent, can not guarantee that students acquire knowledge and meet the academical（这个词是名字-大学制服，academic is ok） requirements demanded by subjects, while(I think we’d better use a transition word like, however,but) by hard working ,students can handle it.

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      2. More attention laid upon grades by social and families might lead students to be struggling in the burdensome academic life, ignoring the development of some essential qualities.

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Examination is always considered as a powerful scale measuring the academical achievements of students. So grades, more or less, are representative of whether students have done well in a given subject. And some individuals hold the opinion that it is more important to award students for good grades than their hard working. However, I deem hard working is more indispensable to cause people to award students than good scores ,and my reasons are as follows.( I believe that hard working plays a more crucial way in awarding students’ ability in their academic field)

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First of all, good grades ,to some extent, can not guarantee that students acquire knowledge and meet the academical requirements demanded by subjects, while(but, on the contrary) by hard working ,students can handle it. It is common nowadays that to attain a good mark(Nowadays it is common to attain a good mark) ,students cram for the imminent exam for a couple of days and one hour after they step out of the examination hall, their large quantity of subject knowledge in memory might more or less be gone with the wind , little being left.(well done*但是可能不是gone with the wind…be blown with the wind, I think the phrase of “gone with the wind ”is a little weird using here) However, hard working indicates a student's serious attitude towards study. Take me for example;（注意两个简单句之间的连接） I am a girl working hard. When studying a subject, I will make a detailed schedule for allocating time properly, study diligently in the given time and review what I have been taught many times before the exam. Even if I don not get a good score, I will correct my mistake and strengthen the understanding of subject knowledge. So by hard working,I can truly master knowledge .It is more important to award students like me for our efforts and performance than for grades.

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Also, more attention laid upon grades by social and families might lead students to be struggling in the burdensome academic life, ignoring the development of some essential qualities. Whether a student has done well in one subject depends on his or her ability. For example, if the demand of a course is beyond my ability but parents require me to get a good score, I may be compelled to spend all day long studying it. In fact, apart from acquiring knowledge, I still need to learn how to communicate with others, how to develop interpersonal relationships , which is basic and critical in future career. So social and families should never put too much emphasis on the pursuing of good marks and instead, award students for hard working ,which means students have made sufficient effort to study .( I think this section is well developed, but there is one key question worth discussing—the main idea of this section is a little obscure from the topic—主旨应该是谈award 和good mark*hard working 之间的关系，这一段前一部分一直在描述我们不应该把太多精力放在grades上，和她的原因，只有最后一句说道正因为前面的原因，不该放太多精力在grade上，而是应在award hard working上，我觉得如果是我的话，我更希望看到首句提出鲜明的观点maybe the first sentence could be: also, with the consideration of harm brought by the score emphasis, we should use a healthier way to award the students—hard working，当两方面观点都是从反面论述的时候，我觉得观点可以很鲜明的有正面。。。)

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To sum up, grades may not be that important because they can be attained by temporary effort and may force students to abandon other essential qualities to pursue .But hard working means students have a serious attitude to study and more time would be spared to develop key properties. So people should award students for their efforts than achievements.(good ending, I will learn from you)

我觉得你写的挺好的！加油~~

zhangjingyi29UID：2449770

中间的乱码是什么东东》

gy0510150556UID：2546647

5# zhangjingyi29

乱码我也不知道，赫赫，我每次改文时都把它去了，谢谢你的修改，很有逻辑性，受益匪浅啊，鞠躬啦，赫赫

lsr91UID：2540702

1# gy0510150556

Examination is always considered as a powerful scale measuring the academical（少了s） achievements of students. So grades, more or less, are representative of whether students have done well in a given subject. And some individuals hold the opinion that it is more important to award students for good grades than their hard working. However, I deem hard working is more indispensable to cause people to award students than good scores,and my reasons are as follows.

First of all, good grades ,to some extent, cannot guarantee that students acquire knowledge and meet the academical(academic) requirements demanded by subjects, while by hard working ,students can handle it. It is common nowadays that to attain a good mark ,students cram for the imminent(这个词王玉梅上没有 学习了) exam for a couple of days and one hour after they step out of the examination hall(直接说考完了更好吧 语法对就是了), their large quantity of subject knowledge in memory might more or less be gone with the wind , little being left.(这句是太飘逸了还是太中式英语了我分不出来) However, hard working indicates a student's serious attitude towards study. Take me for an example, I am a girl working hard. When studying a subject, I will make a detailed schedule for allocating time properly, study diligently in the given time and review what I have been taught many times before the exam. Even if I don not get a good score, I will correct my mistake and strengthen the understanding of subject knowledge. So by hard working ,I can truly master knowledge .It is more important to award students like me for our efforts and performance than for grades.

Also, more attention laid(lay) upon grades by social and families might lead students to be struggling in the burdensome academic life, ignoring the development of some essential qualities. Whether a student has done well in one subject depends on his or her ability. For example, if the demand of a course is beyond my ability but parents require me to get a good score; I may be compelled to spend all day long studying it. In fact, apart from acquiring knowledge, I still need to learn how to communicate with others, how to develop interpersonal relationships, which is basic and critical in future career. So social and families should never put too much emphasis on the pursuing of good marks and instead, award students for hard working, which means students have made sufficient effort to study.

To sum up, grades may not be that important because they can be attained by temporary effort and may force students to abandon other essential qualities to pursue .But hard working means students have a serious attitude to study and more time would be spared to develop key properties. So people should award students for their efforts than achievements.

与君共勉！学习学习！

gy0510150556UID：2546647

Some people think it's more important to spend more time working than being with family

1 spending more time working , in many cases, provides us with an opportunity to attain more professional achievements , which is more valuable than being with family.
2 spending more time working enables us to own a sufficient material basis to maintain a family.

In a highly competitive society, many people are spending a great deal of time and energy working and thus bear huge pressure. Some people may complain that there is no time to stay with their families. As far as I am concerned, I deem it is more important to devote more time to working than to staying with families and my reasons are as follows.

First of all, spending more time working , in many cases, provides us with an opportunity to attain more professional achievements , which is more valuable than being with family. That is because everyone is acting different roles in society such as an employee, dad or mom, and child.
But the most important role an individual aspires for performing is being someone that has his\her unique worth or position in society, which is acknowledged by the public . Take me for example, I dream about being one of the most famous psychological consultants one day.,which would be the most happy and cherished moment all through my life. To fulfil it, I would rather sacrifice my precious chance staying with my families and instead , try my utmost to work, master a lot of pratical hands-on experiences and serve the society.  Hardly could we deny that every one has the right and urge to pursue individual value and win a high reputation, which can be measured in professional attainments. It turns out to be more critical for us to allocate more time for our career than families.

Also,  spending more time working enables us to establish a sufficient material basis to maintain a family. If we work as hard as we ever can and have done well in jobs, it is definitely possible for us to get a high salary and then have the ability to support our families. Take me for example, I am living in Beijing, capital of China. Over there, there is amazingly exorbitant housing price, checking a majority of people to possess their own home. Try to imagine, if I do not work hard and earn enough money, there would be no chance for me to buy a house letting my mom and dad move in, not to mention staying with them and enjoy the happiness among us. So we have to devote ourselves to working ,which provides us an enough material foundation to support the whole family and make them happy.

To sum up, considering working hard enables us to pursue and realize personal worth of life ,which is cherished most , and earn enough money to maintain the families, I am convinced by the notion that it is more indispensable to spend more time working than being with families.

zhangjingyi29UID：2449770

8# gy0510150556
In a highly competitive society, many people are spending a great deal of time and energy working and thus bear huge pressure. Some people may complain that there is no time to stay with their families. As far as I am concerned, I deem it is more important to devote more time to working than to staying with families and my reasons are as follows.
Good! the first paragraph is really well organized~ g* c b7 k8 J$ l$ y8 V

first of all, spending more time working , in many cases, provides us with an opportunity to attain more professional achievements , which is more valuable than being with family. That is because everyone is acting different roles in society such as an employee, dad or mom, and child.
: {' ?! c( y- ~7 `& o; ?But the most important role an individual aspires for performing is being someone that has his\her unique worth or position in society, which is acknowledged by the public. Take me for example, I dream about being one of the most famous psychological consultants one day, which would be the most happy and cherished moment all through my life. To fulfill it, I would rather sacrifice my precious chance staying with my families and instead , try my utmost to work, master a lot of practical hands-on experiences and serve the society.  Hardly could we deny that every one has the right and urge to pursue individual value and win a high reputation,（这句话挺好，但是有点歧义。。。最好改成hardly could we deny that every one has the right to pursue individual value and win a high reputation） which can be measured in professional attainments. It turns out to be more critical for us to allocate more time for our career than families.* u/ c8 `  t7 M


Also,  spending more time working enables us to establish(?) a sufficient material basis to maintain a family. If we work as hard as we ever can and have done well in jobs, it is definitely possible for us to get a high salary and then have the ability to support our families. Take me for example,（in my case） I am living in Beijing, capital of China. Over there, there is amazingly exorbitant housing price, checking majority of people to possess their own home. Try to imagine, if I do not work hard and earn enough money, there would be no chance for me to buy a house letting my mom and dad move in, not to mention staying with them and enjoy the happiness among us. So we have to devote ourselves to working ,which provides us an enough material foundation to support the whole family and make them happy.2 C7 n% x$ B3 I! m
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To sum up, considering working hard enables us to pursue and realize personal worth of life ,which is cherished most , and earn enough money to maintain the families, I am convinced by the notion that it is more indispensable to spend more time working than being with families.
思路很是清晰~语言也很流畅~！！        加油@@

goback211UID：2419259

现在才改，不好意思
In a highly competitive society, many people are spending a great deal of time and energy working and thus bear huge pressure. Some people may complain that there is no time to stay with their families. As far as I am concerned, I deem it is more important to devote more time to working than to staying with families and my reasons are as follows.
First of all, spending more time working , in many cases, provides us with an opportunity to attain more professional achievements , which is more valuable than being with family. That is because everyone is acting different roles in society such as an employee, dad or mom, and child（不太懂这句和前面一句的原因结果关系式什么）.
But the most important role an individual aspires for performing is being someone that has his\her unique worth or position in society, which is acknowledged by the public . Take me for example, I dream about being one of the most famous psychological consultants one day.,which would be the most happy and cherished moment all through my life. To fulfil it, I would rather sacrifice my precious chance staying with my families and instead , try my utmost to work, master a lot of pratical hands-on experiences and serve the society.  Hardly could we deny that every one has the right and urge to pursue individual value and win a high reputation, which can be measured in professional attainments. It turns out to be more critical for us to allocate more time for our career than families
Also,  spending more time working enables us to establish a sufficient material basis to maintain a family. If we work as hard as we ever can and have done well in jobs, it is definitely possible for us to get a high salary and then have the ability to support our families. Take me for example, I am living in Beijing, capital of China. Over there, there is amazingly exorbitant housing price, checking a majority of people to possess their own home. Try to imagine, if I do not work hard and earn enough money, there would be no chance for me to buy a house letting my mom and dad move in, not to mention staying with them and enjoy the happiness among us. So we have to devote ourselves to working ,which provides us an enough material foundation to support the whole family and make them happy.
To sum up, considering working hard enables us to pursue and realize personal worth of life ,which is cherished most , and earn enough money to maintain the families, I am convinced by the notion that it is more indispensable to spend more time working than being with families.
通篇看了下来，没有发现什么错误，写的很流畅，前后的连接很恰当，呵呵，继续努力

gy0510150556UID：2546647

Do you agree or disagree: Governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams

1  arts are more indispensable than athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams for the simple reason that arts are vital proponents of a country's culture
2 Being in favor of arts is a critical means for the public to get access of various styles of arts works such as hosting a arts fair or establishing a new museum; on the contrary, only athletes can enjoy the benefits if a large amount of money is invested into state-sponsored Olympic teams.

In order to perform excellently in the impending 2008 Olympics, Chinese government has invested a great deal of money into national Olympic teams, ignoring the development of arts by comparison. However, I deem governments should inject more money in favor of arts than in favor of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams and my reasons are as follows.

First of all, arts are more indispensable than athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams for the simple reason that arts are vital proponents of a country's culture. Hardly could we deny that every country has its unique and distinctive culture, which distinguishes one from the others. So we must preserve and develop our own culture to form impressive image on the international stage. Obviously, upholding the realm of arts is a wonderful choice. For example, Chinese ancient paintings are an outstanding attraction of our culture, in which usually integrates drawing, calligraphy and poem. But most youth are pone to type on the keyboard and pay less attention to Chinese character, not to mention to appreciate old paintings. In the manner, governments should sponsor related activities such as fairs , campaigns to strengthen young people's full understanding of Chinese ancient paintings so that they have a precious chance to get to know our remarkable 5000-year history of culture. So arts are more valuable than athletics for arts ,to some extent, are equal to our culture and more money should be put into this realm.

Also, being in favor of arts is a critical means for the public to get access of various styles of arts works via hosting a arts fair or establishing a new museum; on the contrary, only athletes can enjoy the benefits through sponsored athletics. For example, our community is hosting an performance of Beijing Opera, free of charge, for all expenses are paid by local government. So a spate of people rolled in to enjoy the play , knowing better about this special type of Chinese opera. Nevertheless, although our athletes will perform fabulously in the 2008 Olympics and even win the first prize in the number of gold medals, it does not make sense that our country is becoming powerful in sports ,for ordinary people may have no chance to take exercises by means of sports facilities and the average constitution of the body in China is poorer greatly than that of western countries. So it turns out to be critical for governments to allocate money on arts so that more people are able to get access to our culture, while the benefits of sponsored athletics are confined into a minority of people.

To sum up, considering arts are significant proponents of culture and a majority of people have the chance to enjoy the sponsored arts , I am convinced by the notion that governments should allocate more capital on arts than athletics.

ly8768UID：2452066

11# gy0510150556
In order to perform excellently in the impending 2008 Olympics, Chinese government has invested a great deal of money into national Olympic teams, ignoring the development of arts by comparison(这个好像国家没有忽视的意思). However, I deem governments should inject more money in favor of arts than in favor of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams and my reasons are as follows.4

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First of all, arts are more indispensable than athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams for the simple reason that arts are vital proponents of a country's culture. Hardly could we deny that every country has its unique and distinctive culture, which distinguishes one from the(不要the) others. So we must preserve and develop our own culture to form impressive image on the international stage. Obviously, upholding the realm of arts is a wonderful choice. For example, Chinese ancient paintings are an outstanding attraction(杰出的吸引，觉得挺奇怪的) of our culture, in which usually integrates drawing, calligraphy and poem(这句语法有问题，which integrates). But most youth are pone(prone) to type on the keyboard and pay less attention to Chinese character, not to mention to appreciate old paintings. In the manner, governments should sponsor related activities such as fairs , campaigns to strengthen young people's full understanding of Chinese ancient paintings so that they have a precious chance to get to know our remarkable 5000-year history of culture. So arts are more valuable than athletics for arts ,to some extent, are equal to our culture and more money should be put into this realm.


Also, being in favor of arts is a critical means(mean) for the public to get access of various styles of arts works via hosting a arts fair or establishing a new museum; on the contrary, only athletes can enjoy the benefits through sponsored athletics. For example, our community is hosting an performance of Beijing Opera(用一般现在时吧), free of charge, for all expenses are paid by local government. So a spate of people rolled in to enjoy the play , knowing better about this special type of Chinese opera. Nevertheless, although our athletes will perform fabulously in the 2008 Olympics and even win the first prize in the number of gold medals, it does not make sense that our country is becoming powerful in sports ,for ordinary people may have no chance to take exercises by means of sports facilities and the average constitution of the body in China is poorer greatly than that of western countries. So it turns out to be critical for governments to allocate money on arts so that more people are able to get access to our culture, while the benefits of sponsored athletics are confined into a minority of people.%

第二个观点挺好的

To sum up, considering arts are significant proponents of culture and a majority of people have the chance to enjoy the sponsored arts , I am convinced by the notion that governments should allocate more capital on arts than athletics.

写得还是挺不错的，但有些词的用法还是有些问题，可以提高下用此的准确性和句法的多样性~

gy0510150556UID：2546647

同意或不同意：老師的報酬應該根據學生的表現來決定。
1 it is not a feasible scale to decide teachers' rewards by measuring their students' academic achievements.
2 Also, if teachers' rewards become connected with students' performance, it may lead students to be struggling in the burdensome academic life, ignoring the development of several essential qualities.

It is teachers' s main responsibility to cultivate students to pursue their academic achievements. There is no wonder that students' s success at school cannot exist without the instruction and cultivation of teachers. Some people claim that teachers' rewards should be dependent on students' academic performance. Nevertheless, I deem we are not supposed to do it and my reasons are as follows.

First of all, it is not a feasible scale to decide teachers' rewards by measuring their students' academic achievements. Students' success at school not only depends on the careful care and earnest indoctrination of teachers, but to a great extent, lies in their individual endeavor and genius. Take my little sister for example, she is a very naughty girl and lack of self -discipline. So it is not surprising that she always has bad performance in the classroom and gets poor scores. Although her teacher have frequent talks with her and even visit parents to ask for bilateral monitoring, trying to correct her bad behavior , yet the effort of the teacher goes futile and my sister continues her performance. So it is an unfair treatment to teachers if their rewards are determined by students' academic performance, given that teachers have already made the biggest effort in their teaching.

Also, if teachers' rewards become connected with students' performance, it may lead students to be struggling in the burdensome academic life, ignoring the development of several essential qualities. In most cases, grades , to some extent, are representative of students' academic attainments. In fact, whether a student has done well in one subject mainly depends on his or her ability. For example, if the demand of a course is beyond my ability but my teachers require me to get a good score so that they can get access to a comfortable salary, I may be compelled to spend all day long studying it. In fact, apart from acquiring knowledge, I still need to learn how to communicate with others, how to develop interpersonal relationships , which is basic and critical in future career. So if teachers are release from the rule that the salary is related to students' academic performants, I deem teachers would never put too much emphasis on the pursuing of good marks.

To sum up, given that teachers' instruction is not the only factor attributing to students' success at school and too emphasis on good scores deprives students of the development of some essential qualities, I am convinced that teachers' salary should not be determined by students' performance at school.

wondersmiths2UID：2609756

It is teachers' s main responsibility to cultivate students to pursue their academic achievements. There is no wonder that students' s success at school cannot exist without the instruction and cultivation of teachers. Some people claim that teachers' rewards should be dependent on students' academic performance. Nevertheless, I deem we are not supposed to do it and my reasons are as follows.

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First of all, it is not a feasible scale to decide teachers' rewards by measuring their students' academic achievements. Students' success at school not only depends on the careful care and earnest indoctrination of teachers, but to a great extent, lies in(on) their individual endeavor and genius. Take(Taking) my little sister for example, she is a very naughty girl and lack of self -discipline. So it is not surprising that she always has bad performance in the classroom and gets poor scores. Although her teacher have frequent talks with her and even visit parents to ask for bilateral monitoring, trying to correct her bad behavior , yet the effort of the teacher goes futile and my sister continues her performance. So it is an unfair treatment to teachers if their rewards are determined by students' academic performance, given that teachers have already made the biggest effort in their teaching. + |6 Y' `2 b5 G$ c

Also, if teachers' rewards become connected with students' performance, it may lead students to be struggling in the burdensome academic life, ignoring the development of several essential qualities. In most cases, grades , to some extent, are representative of students' academic attainments. In fact, whether a student has done well in one subject mainly depends on his or her ability. For example, if the demand of a course is beyond my ability but my teachers require me to get a good score so that they can get access to a comfortable salary, I may be compelled to spend all day long studying it. In fact(可以换一个词,as matter of fact), apart from acquiring knowledge, I still need to learn how to communicate with others, how to develop interpersonal relationships , which is basic and critical in future career. So if teachers are release(released) from the rule that the salary is related to students' academic performants, I deem teachers would never put too much emphasis on the pursuing(pursuit) of good marks.* j# J0 b. W- a1 h

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To sum up, given that teachers' instruction is not the only factor attributing to students' success at school and too emphasis on good scores deprives students of the development of some essential qualities, I am convinced that teachers' salary should not be determined by students' performance at school.
写得很好！非常顺畅，作文功底很高呀！不过也有点模板的影子。

gy0510150556UID：2546647

14# wondersmiths2
这是偶自己的吐血原创啊