serena-blue的作文贴

serena-blueUID：2811284

7月15日 第一次参加写作小组，水平有限，诚心希望大家指正，也祝各位考友顺利！
people should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place
In modern society,it's quite normal to see that people move from one place to another because of different reasons.
Someone has to work in diverse cities in order to make a living,someone moves his home for studying further,others just feel tired,living in the same place.
But don't we feel unsteady in our lives?Don't we realize the pity to leave the house full of our beautiful memories?Is it uneasy to adapt to a new environment especially for our children?
For me,yes.
First of all,everyone has his own childhood in his hometown.We can often see a lot of poems whice express their nostalgia when peopel travel far away.We have a strong feeling for the environment in which we grow up.Generally,it's much comfortable and nice.
Secondly,we can stay long with our freinds and family,living all life in the same place.We need not worry if we have to say goodby to our dear friends one day and have to contact with them only by telefone or internet.Our parents won't feel sad to seperate with us.
What's more,it costs more if we move a lot,not only money,but energy as well.House,work,welfare,climate,ecc,we have to consider to much stuff.
At last,everyone needs home,a steady warm home.We can relax ourselves and feel good no matter how bad the day goes on.If we move a lot,it's easy to feel confuse to find the way to home,like the birds which lost their directions.For me,I really need not want to always trip and feel homeless.
Home,what a beautiful word.Why do we want to be a traveller?To spend our whole life in our city,we will feel good.

serena-blueUID：2811284

7-17日作文，写作的时间有点长，喜欢边写边想，大家有什么经验可以让我借鉴一下吗？先谢过啦~~

All students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not this major.
I totally agree with this opinion. As far as I am concerned,, receiving basic knowledge of science is quite meaningful for both the individual and the society.
In the first place, science is the base and the symbol of our age. It’s too hard to imagine a modern person who don’t know the Earth is round and the Moon revolves around the Earth. We may consider him Disney Tarzan. With certain amount of science, we can live comfortably in our society and have social contacts with others. It’s normal to talk about the weather, animals and plants, interesting discoveries in different fields during the dinner or afternoon tea. To be a man with knowledge of science is necessary.
In the second place, students can be encouraged to study further and get innovative ability by getting basic science classes. They may want to know how old is our Earth, how we can distinguish between fixed stars and planets, if ET exists. They will learn not only what they don’t know ,but also how to find something new. We may probably find the second Einstein among them. When they grow up, lots of them will do jobs like engineer, architect who can make great contributions to our countries.
In the third place, those who focus on art ,languages, music etc also needs science. It is well known that Leonardo da Vinci applied math in his paintings. By analyzing the wave of sounds, we can make beautiful songs. With science ,art can spark with new charm.
In a word, it’s necessary for everyone to take basic science no matter what he learns. It can make our life more healthy and bring civilization to the society.

zak_chemistryUID：2612236

people should live in the city or country all life instead of moving to another place
modern society, it's quite normal to see that people move from one place to another because of different reasons.
Someone has to work in diverse cities in order to make a living, someone moves his home for studying further, and(少了个连词) others just feel tired, living in the same place.
But don't we feel unsteady in our lives? Don't we realize the pity to leave the house full of our beautiful memories? Is it uneasy to adapt to a new environment especially for our children?For me, yes.

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First of all, everyone has his own childhood in his hometown. We can often see a lot of poems which express their nostalgia when people travel far away. We have a strong feeling for the environment in which we grow up. Generally, it's much comfortable and nice.
, we can stay long with our friends and family, living all life in the same place. We need not worry （if we have）（删掉） to say goodby(goodbye) to our dear friends one day and （have）（删掉） to contact with them only by telefone (telephone) or internet. Our parents won't feel sad to seperate(separate) with us.
What's more, it costs more if we move a lot, not only money, but energy as well. House, work, welfare, climate, ecc（是不是要说and so on）, we have to consider to much stuff.
7 X8 U" l% }7 n0 @2 t9 ~2 X
At last, everyone needs home, a steady warm home. We can relax ourselves and feel good no matter how bad the day goes on(改成这样是不是好些呢？No matter how bad the day goes on, we can get comfort from our homes). If we move a lot, it's easy to feel(get是不是好些？) confuse(confused) to find the way to home, like the birds which lost their directions. For me, I really need（do） not want to always trip and feel homeless.
Home, what a beautiful word. Why do we want to be a traveller(traveler)? To spend(Spending) our whole life in our city, we will feel good.

总结：
1．作者思路清晰， 有条理，内容充实，自然！
2．同学稍注意下拼写和句法。

darkathrunUID：2813505

LZ我和你同组，作文改好在附件里。
我也比较喜欢一边写一边想，这样后面发现不对了可以马上回头改，效率的确是个问题。

lxg198607UID：2564115

All students should be required to take basic science classes even if they are not this major.
i totally agree with this opinion. As far as I am concerned,, receiving basic knowledge of science is quite meaningful for both the individual and the society.（society相关的内容下面没看到。）
In the first place, science is the base and the symbol of our age. It’s too hard to imagine a modern person who don’t (doesnot)know the Earth is round and the Moon revolves around the Earth. We may consider him Disney Tarzan. With certain amount of science, we can live comfortably in our society and have social contacts with others. It’s normal to talk about the weather, animals and plants, interesting discoveries in different fields during the dinner or afternoon tea. To be a man with knowledge of science is necessary.

in the second place, students can be encouraged to study further and get innovative ability by getting basic science classes. They may want to know how old is our Earth, how we can distinguish between fixed stars and planets, if ET exists. They will learn not only what they don’t know ,but also how to find something new.(这句不懂) We may probably find the second Einstein among them. When they grow up, lots of them will do jobs like engineer, architect who can make great contributions to our countries.

In the third place, those who focus on art ,languages, music etc also needs（need） science. It is well known that Leonardo da Vinci applied math in his paintings. By analyzing the wave of sounds, we can make beautiful songs. With science ,art can spark with new charm. '

In a word, it’s necessary for everyone to take basic science no matter what he learns. It can make our life more healthy(这个词用的不好。) and bring civilization to the society.
思路明确，没什么大问题，

serena-blueUID：2811284

7-20作文贴
对和我同组的同学说声抱歉了~~~这个作文题感觉写不出内容来，理由都很牵强，请教同组的同学如何立意开篇的。。。多谢^_^
Businessmen are only motivated by desire of money
There is no doubt that money is the major imputes for businessmen. In ancient times, Arabian merchants went across the continent, from China to Roman Empire, to make a fortune. We can commonly see numerous companies nowadays. However, the image of businessmen is not always stingy, greedy ,caring nothing but profit like Shylock in The Merchant of Venice.
From my point, there are also other reasons that motivate the businessmen.
First of all, commodity circulation is an important part of the social development. It’s impossible to find a place where people can find and produce everything. It’s time for businessmen to satisfy the life requirements.
Secondly, some people do this just because of their interest and personal ambition. Like a friend of my father, he always says that he enjoys dealing with numbers. According his words, I can feel his pride of sharp witness and criticalness.
What’s more, we can see a lot of businessmen devoting their money to different associations. They want to help children in poor, o save our natural environment, o finance scientists to find some kind resource replacing oil o coal. Bill Gates even appeals other rich merchants to contributing 50% of their property for usage of charity. If they only try to feed their desire of money, why do they spend money in field from which they can never be paid back?
In a word, for most people, money is not the only thing in life, including businessmen. Besides earning a lot, hey also have different goals for the need of our society, for their interest, for others in need, and even for the humanity.

layla1989UID：2832481

7.20

layla1989UID：2832481

这篇确实不太好展开，不过也不算太难。我自己写的时候有些郁闷，写完第一个分论点就觉得有些异样，唉，应该就是从除了money 以外的motivation入手，但是要分类，这个比较难。比如兴趣爱好啊，目标使命啊，权利啊，等等，全都合成一段太长，单独列出几个又有些没有说服力，我就是被卡在这么个状态，很尴尬的写完了，郁闷郁闷~~~

serena-blueUID：2811284

7-22
多谢各位考友的指导。。。。
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students who keep their rooms neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not. &
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It’s quite hard to say what is the yardstick to measure whether a child will succeed or not in the future as one’s achievement is influenced by so many factors like characters, environment, educational attainments, opportunity and even destiny. However, I am firmly in favor of the statement that students who keep their room neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.
As saying goes, no pains, no gains. To uphold our dream and never say giving up is essential and critical to achieve our goal. I believe that a student who is  willing to clear his room without complain, has the patience and the courage to overcome difficulties on his way to success .As Edison said , Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration. If a student  keeps doing such a small thing reluctantly or even hasn’t such an intention ,how can we trust that he will devote himself to complete his rough trip to destination?
Secondly, students will develop their habit to keep things in order by cleaning their rooms, which helps us to train the clarity of mind. It’s hard to imagine a man with success while he life is always in a mess.
What’s more ,I think it more comfortable to stay in a neat and organized room when we focus on studying or working. We won’t be disturbed or be upset by forgetting where we have put something important or not finding what we have just done .In a good and peaceful mood, it’s more likely to get something new or raise our efficiency.
In a word, keeping our room neat and organized will help us to develop the ability to insist on what we pursue and give us a adapt circumstance. With these advantages, we can hold on our hope to march our dream.

jluzhkingUID：2714407

7-22改serena-blue


It’s quite hard to say what is the yardstick to measure whether a child will succeed or not in the future as one’s achievement is influenced by so many factors like characters, environment, educational attainments, opportunity and even destiny. However, I am firmly in favor of the statement that students who keep their room neat and organized will be more likely to succeed than students who do not.
As saying goes, no pains, no gains. To uphold our dream and never say giving up is essential and critical to achieve our goal. I believe that a student who is  willing to clean his room without complain, has the patience and the courage to overcome difficulties on his way to success .As Edison said , Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration. If a student keeps doing such a small thing reluctantly or even hasn’t such an intention, how can we trust that he will devote himself to complete his rough trip to destination?
Secondly, students will develop their habit to keep things in order by cleaning their rooms, which helps us to train the clarity of mind. It’s hard to imagine a man with success while his life is always in a mess.
What’s more, I think it more comfortable to stay in a neat and organized room when we focus on studying or working. We won’t be disturbed or be upset by forgetting where we have put something important or not finding what we have just done. In a good and peaceful mood, it’s more likely to get something new or raise our efficiency.
In a word, keeping our room neat and organized will help us to develop the ability to insist on what we pursue and give us a adapt(这个是？an adapt to?) circumstance. With these advantages, we can hold on our hope to march our dream.

全文还是不错的，就是感觉第二点可以再扩展一些些，很难想象之后加个反例？
楼主干得不错，继续加油！

kingguohaoUID：2752336

7.22改

serena-blueUID：2811284

7-24作文，多谢各位考友的指导啦~~~

高小鱼UID：2714619

首次添加附件成功，嘿嘿，用修订标记修改，仅供参考哦~

serena-blueUID：2811284

多谢修改啊。。。呵呵。。。 13# 高小鱼

伶女UID：2797207

Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement? Sports teach people lessons about life.
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My favorite mottois the slogan of Olympics: Faster, higher, stronger. From my point of view, itnot only encourages the athletes to perform better in the sportsground, butalso has deep realistic meaning for us normal people. As we know, sports plays an important role in our daily life, helping usstrengthen our bodies and keep our mind clean?and active. What’s more important, it teaches us to do everything in advance, not buying time?, to take a long-view of life andpursue our dreams with a strong desire, just like what the slogan expresses:faster, higher, stronger.

I can stillremember the sense of urgency in the race when I was in the middle school.
For not being caught up by my rivals, I hadto run with all my might. Only by(in) this waycould I conquer the fear of pressing steps behind. Sodo I in my study(能不能改成sodoes my study～). I am used to preparing a lot for my lessons andmaking plans of revision. I tell myself to “run faster” than others in order toremain invincible不可征服的？是不是严重了点呵呵 and achieve my goal.

What’ more, I amalways moved by the scene that an athlete breaks a world record我觉得这里可以放个谁破纪录的例子更有说服力，一句话就好～. As far as I am concerned, it means thebreakthrough of a sort of sports, and often reminds me of the transcendence ofego for humanity. There is no limitation in sports and also in life. Just likeclimbing the mountains, the higher you reach, the more scenery you will see.Compared with getting stuck in the rut, it’s better to move forward and we aremore likely to get new ideas with a wide vision（or horizon）.

Lastly, sportsteach us not to be a quitter. It’s really backbreaking after running severalthousands meters or swimming for dozens minutes. But if we give up, all ourefforts will go down the drain学习～. The fruit of success is much sweeter with our sweat,which is an important charm of sport. Life is also likea long race which we can not withdraw halfway不错～. With strong desire, we can enjoy our trip andfinally reach our destination with happiness.

In a word, lifelies in movement. We gains not only strong bodies, but also philosophy of lifefrom the spirits of sports.


谢谢你的评语呀,我的修改在这里咯~
总体来说感觉很稳，很多句子都学习了呢。开头有点长，而且第一段最后要表达什么不是很清晰，其实差不多停在but also那一句就OK了。中间的那个论点也不是特别清楚，建议最后总结一句