作文本1.21更新到今天！(低落)

s499992008UID: 2688967

Nowadays, there is a heated topic with sharply soaring volume about whether the young should try different jobs before they decide which job or career. Some people argue that trying different jobs is negative for young people. In my perspective, I deem young people should try a large amount of jobs in different fields. My reasons are as following.(开头很中规中矩，但是这样是不是有可能不能引起ETS的关注呢？建议楼主以后多尝试一些比较有新颖的开头方法，例如看到某一个现象之后联想到你要表达的观点。。)
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: C) l+ p& a- u2 K! g; ZInitially, doing different job can provide young people different experience and skills, which is good for their growth. As our economy increasing（换成booming会更好）, now more and more companies require a huge number of talents who control more proficient skills and possess richer experience to defeat other companies. In other words, once（这里是不是应该有个？号） whoever can satisfy requirements of companies, he will begin his career which he will do in the long term（感觉前后没有什么因果关系那，应该说公司就会招聘他，）. Thus, different position, which means various jobs, is where young people can acquire more experience and skills. If being good at a specific task, young people only will absorb a kind of experience and skill, which obviously disagrees with the requests of those companies. Finally, those young people who always stay at one job will be replaced by other young people who have knowledge of different subjects. Therefore, young people demand to try different jobs.
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In addition, career plays a very crucial role in every people's life, whoever he is and no matter how old he is. Since career is a people's direction for everybody, young people will be confused in front of many different job offers when they decide what kind of job as their careers which they will devote their lifetime energy and time to complete. Consequently, it is very normal phenomenon that they should constantly choose different jobs to try until they find a job which they regard as career. Just like shopping. We also seek and pick up different dresses to try when shopping in the mall so that we can choose a dress which can serve us forever. We will never know which dress is best for us to buy unless we try a host of kinds of dresses. According to the principle, we can easily conclude that young people should try various jobs.（类比挺好）
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4 P" J: g& c5 v0 e0 P* xIn a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, hardly I agree with those people opinion that it is unnecessary for young people to try different jobs. I believe that young people should try various jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.（感觉是不是字有点少呢？）

51航海UID: 2738581

Nowadays, there is a heated topic with sharply soaring volume about whether most of businessmen are motivated only by the desire of money. Some people agree with the topic, holding the view that getting profit is only goal of businessmen. In my perspective, there are many factors such as responsibility, interests and money encourage businessmen to do business. My reasons are as following.

Initially, interests are a main force for businessmen to operate their companies. For example, Edison who is one of（the） greatest scientists in the world opened many companies. His products were not only to make profits from consumers, but also were his inventors. If Edison produced his commodities merely in order to make money, there are (were)no reasons for him to invent so many products, because only lamp wicks had brought three million dollars to him. Some historians point out that the reason which resulted in what he did is Edison had been very ambitious interests to invent novel(好词) stuffs and find new principle, since he was five years old. Therefore, some businessmen like Edison is encouraged to run companies by his interest rather than money.
In addition, some businessmen are motivated by responsibility. Once one people is born, it is certain that he should afford his responsibility to our society and family. For instance, Jintao Hu, my father（额？和主席一个这个名字啊？呵呵）, is the boss in the most powerful factory in China. He works so hard every day that he always forgets to eat breakfast. However, the factory is a state-own factory. In other words, the profit which my father runs the factory to earn is belonged to government. In fact, He is the same as a usual worker who obtains fixed salary in every mouth(month). Once seeing my father stayed up a night to work, I asked my father why he devoted all of his energy and time to the state-own factory. My father told me that what he did is his responsibility. Even though he cannot get too much salary, he must work hard due to his responsibility which nation, government and Chinese people give to him. At the moment, I totally realize that responsibility also is one fact driving businessmen to work.

Nevertheless, money indeed is a lure for all of businessmen to work. Faster and faster our economy grows, more and more money our businessmen demands. It is impossible for anyone to be volunteers. So, hardly（could） I reject the statement that business people are motivated by the desire of money.

In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, I disagree with those people opinion that desire of money is only goal of businessmen. I deem that responsibility, interests and money are main factors to keep businessmen to work.
例子很充实，很有说服力啊，比我写得好~

swbaiUID: 2600532

3.8：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One of the best ways for parents to help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take the part-time job.

Nowadays, there is a heated topic with sharply soaring volume about education. Some people hold the view that encouraging children to take the part-time job is one of the best means for parents to help them to prepare for adult life. However, I deem that there are a host of means for parents to help their children to prepare for adult life, whereas encouraging children to take the part-time job which is merely one way among them is not the best ways.(best way 应该是单数)
Initially, parents can utilize college studying to help their children to prepare for adult life. As our society develops, college education plays more and more crucial role in children lives with our knowledge and science constantly strengthening. Therefore, if parents desire their children to prepare for adult life, it is necessary for children to enter college's gates. College life can bring children better ability for adopting society. Some people may argue that past-time job should be a excellent idea for children to prepare for adult life. According to a survey by Virginia University, experienced professors and experts report that 70% college students in American have the part-time job in group to earn money for their tuition. The case mainly manifests that part-time jobs are included in college life. Thus, not only knowledge and skills can college students absorb, but also part-time jobs can college students take advantage of free time to hunt. Consequently, one of best ways for parents to help children prepare for adult life is to send them to college rather than the part-time job.

In addition, part-time job have some negative effect on children. Since part-time jobs usually are low salary positions, children will be lost their confidence of success. For example, my brother, Richard was a mailman when he was 17th. Until now he has still been working in a post office. Every time I encourage him to get a high salary job, but he rejects me with the reason that he used to be a mailman and he has insufficient ability to get a better job. Even though Richard regards that his career is to be mailman, there is irrefutable fact that Richard's marks in high school is the best. I cannot image how Richard would have been, if Richard had resigned his part-time job in post office.

In the nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, hardly can I agree the statement that taking the part-time job is the best ways to teenage children prepare for adult life.

不好意思，这几天一直没状态，现在才改

51航海UID: 2738581

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about whether the government should spend more money between（这个词好像不太妥吧，不应是两者之间的意思，，去掉bteween, 后面的and改成or） improving access to the Internet and the public transportation. Some individuals hold the view that the government should spend more money on Internet. However, in my perspective, more funds should be invested on public transportation. My reasons are as following.

Initially, as our technology growing, the Internet indeed plays a very crucial role in our daily life. For example, students can take advantage of the Internet to study online. Professors can utilize the Internet to skim papers. Managers can arrange workers to produce by the Internet. Most of us use the Internet to complete our tasks every day. Nevertheless, Internet is actually a tool for dealing with information. What effect the Internet exerts is far from the importance of the public transportation. Firstly, if we have not computers and lines, it is certain that we cannot use the Internet. In China, all of transportation is run by Chinese government, so nobody can ignore the irrefutable fact that computer and lines are transported by the public transportation. Furthermore, （这两个点，是不是有重复的感觉呢？）there is no goods transported in Chinese society without the public transportation. In other words, it is impossible for us to use Internet in that case. Therefore, the government should put more money on the public transportation rather than the Internet.(这个观点很新，让人眼前一亮，交通设施的建设史网络通信的基础，把二者有机的联系了起来，好！！)

In addition, the public transportation is（a） very vital aspect in every country. According to the survey completed by University of Virginia, some professors and experts point out that American government invests three times of money on the public transportation than the Internet. In contrast, North Korea government put most of their money on development of the Internet. It is obvious that American is more powerful than North Korea. The case which I mentioned above clearly manifests how crucial status the public transportation it is! Let us recall the ancient time like 19th century. There was the history that Internet is unavailable in that time, but the public transportation system had been established in many countries, which illustrates the public transportation is more important than the internet in 19th century. Consequently, our government should keep the same policy which they applied in the past.(将朝鲜和美国对比，不知是不是作者有心的，呵呵，估计老美看了会很开心！！)
In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, hardly I can agree with those people opinion about prior investment of the Internet. I believe that the government spends more money on the public transportation should be a wise choice.
（整体很好，不过有一点疑问的是，我们写独立作文，每段的理由是不是要更清晰一些呢？我觉得好像你的每段观点并不是很清晰，或者说是很有说服力，第二个理由里，你说transportation,很重要，而第一个理由你说 computer and lines are transported by the public transportation，是不是有些重复？ 这是我的个人感觉，你在看看，额呵呵）

老王家的小猫UID: 2781258

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about whether phone has greater effect on our life than TVs. Some people hold the view that TVs plays more vital role than telephone in our life. However, in my perspective, telephone is more important than TV in my life. My reasons are as following.

(最好先总结下说我们首先承认电视确实对人们生活有很大影响作让步, Initially, I must admit television plays an important part in our lives.) (Initially就不要啦~）it is a fact widely accepted by people that TV indeed is a mean of entertainments helping us to release our working and study pressure. Now, there are a host of programs on the TV such as talking shows, movies and games making our life to become interesting, in contrast, people listened (to) radios which cannot provide pictures for us in the 19th century. TVs also can transfer news and information. For example, now only by sitting in the coach and watching TVSs can we obtain the information collected from all over the world, (just sitting in the coach and watching TV, we can obtain the information collected from all over the world.会不会好点). (Instead,) but ancient people need to spend few days on waiting to receive newspapers rendered by mailmen. From those cases, TVS really changes our lives.  

Comparing with TVs, I insist my idea that telephones exert greater effect on people's life. (Since our technology and science grows, our telephones are always changing. 放到后面比较好）Our lives are certain to be changed when Bell invented the first telephone in the world in 1927. In 19 century, people could deal with business and talk with family by telephone rather than letter. (Furthermore, since our technology and science grows, our telephones are still on their way of changing.) (Contemporary,) our professional researcher invented 3G phone until now. 3G phone means a telephone which can surfer the Internet, listen music and, the foremost function, watch TVS online. In other words, people can watch any channels on your phone, if anyone pays 100 dollars for a phone. For example, the apple company had launched Iphone which is a 3G phone in 2008.(这个例子有点太简单了吧，是不是可以讲一下自从3G iphone上市以来3G手机一直热销什么的。) The reason why telephones can make people's lives greater influence on people's lives than TVS is that besides its basic function, now telephone has embodied TVs’ functions as well.
In a nutshell, based on what I had mentioned, I deem that telephone is more important than TVs in my life.

呵呵，第一次改别人的文章，献丑啦~

annkeUID: 2605122

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about whether phone has greater effect on our life than TVs. Some people hold the view that TVs plays more vital[more & vital cannot be compatible] role than telephone in our life. However, in my perspective, telephone is more important than TV in my life. My reasons are as following.! y5 R4 l5 W; D# P1 h0 T6 m

Initially, it is a fact widely accepted[not natural: it is widely accepted/ the fact is widely accepted] by people that TV indeed is a mean of entertainments[电视是娱乐？看电视是娱乐活动，可以；电视播放的是娱乐节目，可以；电视成为娱乐的传播者，也可以。] helping us to release our working and study pressure. Now, there are a host of programs on the TV such as talking shows, movies and games making our life [to] become interesting, in contrast[个人认为 电视和录音机不构成对比，而且这和与电话的比较不沾边], people listened radios which cannot provide pictures for us in the 19th century. TVs also can transfer news and information. For example, now only by sitting in the coach and watching TVSs can we obtain the information collected from all over the world, but ancient people need to spend few days on waiting to receive newspapers rendered by mailmen. From those cases, TVS really changes our lives.  , s9 m) C( S( ^' x) C

[contrast指不同之处 compare多指相同之处的比较，这里用后者不适合]Comparing with TVs, I insist my idea that telephones exert greater effect on people's life. Since our technology and science grows, our telephones are always changing. Our lives are certain to be changed when Bell invented the first telephone in the world in 1927. In 19 century, people could deal with business and talk with family by telephone rather than letter. Our professional researcher invented 3G phone until now. 3G phone means a telephone which can surfer the Internet, Listen music and, the foremost function, watch TVS online. In other words, people can watch any channels on your phone, if anyone pays 100 dollars for a phone. For example, the apple company had launched Iphone which is a 3G phone in 2008. The reason why telephones can make people's lives greater influence on people's lives than TVS is now telephone has embodied TVs’ functions.

In a nutshell, based on what I had mentioned, I deem that telephone is more important than TVs in my life.[hey~ 单从字数上我认为你觉得电视更重要。。楼主的几大问题如下：1 条理不清。文章论点是电话更重要，那么就应该着墨更多在电话带来的好处，或者从你的角度看到的电话优于电脑的地方。比如，电话把人与人的距离拉得更近，而电视让人际关系疏远（不是绝对的，是根据你论证的要求给出的）。电话是人对人的，有时它可以成为救命工具。有这两点之后再说一下电视的缺点。那么整个立论就建立起来了。从这篇文章看来，楼主思绪相当混乱，文中给出的几个例子都很无力。电视和录音机。电话中的3g手机（它功能这多但和电视又有什么关系呢。。。）。]
[2 语言不够简洁流畅自然。3 头重脚轻，整篇文章没有结构可言。。估计是没有时间了吧。 我觉得楼主以后写文章的时候先想好清晰的思路，千万不要等自己的思路在写作当中飘来飘去。要知道他们要的不是观点。而是完整性，简洁性。XXX就是OG说的那几个。]

爱烤鱼的小伙UID: 2580692

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
All university students should take basic science courses, regardless of their field of concentration.

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about what college students should learn between basic science courses or their majors. Some people hold the view that university students should only have basic science courses.（题目里面好像没有这个意思诶，这么写会不会武断了点？） However, in my perspective, college students should equally devote their time and energy on their fields of concentration and basic science courses. My reasons are as following.

Initially, basic science courses are important for every student including college students, because they can provide our foundation of studying their major courses. For example, math is basic course for those students who desire to learn construction, engineering and chemistry. Since basic science courses such as math courses are so abstract that many college students usually ignore them. But, when we cannot work out some math problems, we will fail to solve those same problems in their major courses. Therefore, it is impossible for College students to study their major courses without basic math courses supporting. So, college students should learn basic science courses. （这个例子不错！）

In addition, college students' skills which are cultured in their fields of concentration are their real weapons for hunting excellent jobs. As we all know, the reason why college students enter university is（that） they want to get high-salary jobs or live better lives. Nobody desires to study all life in campus. So, it is an irrefutable fact that college students' majors are what they should dig into. What college students learn is meaningless for the knowledge, experience and skills which their job positions acquire（require） if they only study basic science during their college life. （这句话没太读懂）

What's more, according to a survey by University of Virginia, some professors and experts suggest that most of universities should keep a balance between basic science courses and their majors’ courses, which help college students to gasp their skills and obtain their knowledge which is necessary for them to utilize in their working future. In fact, the relationship of basic courses and major courses is the same as the relationship of cheese and burgers. My mother who is a cook told me that burgers and cheese are requisites if you want to make a hamburger. Hence, if freshmen want be an excellent college students, they should equally learn basic science courses and their major courses.

In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, hardly I can agree with those people opinion that university students should only have basic science courses.

改了楼主的两篇文章了，感觉读楼主的作文是一种享受啊，语言很干净流畅，用词也很多样化很地道。但是怎么觉得你这篇作文有点走题呢？题目的意思是students should take science courses但是并没有说“should only have basic science courses”。楼主的论断太武断，而且这个句子在文章中反复出现，如果在考场上出现这个错误应该会很影响得分的。不过总的来说楼主的文章已经很好了，加油！