作文本1.21更新到今天！(低落)

mangohahaUID: 2758178

2.26 Do you agree or disagree with the statement: Playing sports can teach us the important lesson of life.9 Z+ O0 W( s8 N! G& v

Nowadays, as our society develops, there is heat topic with sharply soaring volume about education. Does playing sports teach us the important lesson of life? Some people regard that students' task is merely study. However, in my perspective, I agree with the statement playing sports can teach us the important lesson of life. My reasons are as following
提出观点，没什么问题.* i% j" s$ h+ U3 C; ~9 T
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Initially, attending sports can teach us the corporation spirit观点. Since some sports such as basketball, football, and baseball need team works, we must take advantage of passing and the corporation spirit in order to win games. So, in the process of passing and encouraging each other, we can exert the corporation spirit. The reason why do we learn the corporation spirit is that the corporation spirit plays a crucial role in our future life. With our knowledge and technology increasing, more and more projects are completed by teams rather than one people. Thus, we cannot hunt a job or obtain success without teammates supports, in other words, corporation with other people will be a part of our life
内容很好，而且还有个对cooperation的好处的论证算是升华~\(≧▽≦)/~啦啦啦., ?/ E+ K6 E. T2 B1 Y
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In addition, playing sports can bring us health. Health is a vital basement for everyone. If we do not acquire health, what will be left must be sickness. Once we are ill, there is no doubt that we cannot improve life quality any more. Participating sport will bring us health, because we can take more fresh air and fortify our muscle, which will lead our body to be stronger. Nobody can deny health is not an important part in our life
这个。。。health 当时没敢写，因为说是teaching class health 充其量是好处，提不上lesson吧。。。 这样写总是不放心，楼主觉得呢.
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What is more? Sports like hiking, swimming and running can help us learn the importance of effort（主题）. For example, many athletes are famous people due to not only their metal but also their effort which should be appreciated by anyone. Even though these athletes did not win a goal, they have trained for thousands of times for that objective. The importance of effort which is illustrated by training again and again is spirit which everyone should learn. If we did realize importance of effort, we will fail to death（死！！！还是有其它意思呀。。。。不好吧O(∩_∩)O~）（感觉efforts 不如说 perseverance好些，登上考的是毅力哈）. 8 m: r# G' Q7 K* D; S
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In sum, based on what I have mentioned, I deem that playing sports is so important lesson of life that it brings the corporation spirit, health and the importance of effort.

整体来说没什么大问题，
不过还是第二段，health 是不是算数 有争论O(∩_∩)O~
语言方面，能力不足 就不敢说什么了
谢谢楼主的批改

mangohahaUID: 2758178

（请看你第一段）However, personally deeming that to be a well-informed people,（缺主语，连词） the source consisted of Internet and book is enough for people to learn what they want
呵呵 请教一下，这个应该怎么改？ 谢谢

mangohahaUID: 2758178

2.27：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To be well-informed people should get information from many different sources.* q; d8 ~* v. Y) |: a

呵呵 说心里话，真的是因为不敢改，不是因为懒。。。 ^_^ 那我就真的改了哦，如果有改错的地方，通知我一下 谢谢

Nowadays, there is a statement that to be a well-informed people should get information from many different sources agreed by most of people. However, I deem that a well-informed people should get information in the particular source. That is why the reason（记得reason和why 一起用就不合适吧，可以说that is the reason that...） I disagree with the statement that to be a well-informed people should get information from many different sources. 8 S" y" s2 U2 c1 T. o

Initial, it is impossible for anyone to be a well informed people who can get all the knowledge and information from many different sources. Since our technology and science develop faster and faster, our knowledge is so uncountable that our government needs to establish many libraries which obtain plenty of historical data and books. Thus（建议转折关系更顺畅些）, nobody can keep these many contents of books in his mind, even do not have time to read them. Not only by newspaper and magazines can we get information, but also we need to surf the internet to get information. So, it is not denying that nobody in the earth can be a well-informed people who can get information from many different sources
本段想说的应该是，资源太多——信息量太大——无法全部领会，建议把这个顺序再捋顺些.8 Z+ Z# D$ I- ]# H6 H

5 Q. C' a3 d4 p: mIn addition, everyone has limited energy and time to spend（这就话前掉的如果是时间和能量少的话，就建议把这两个放在前面，否则感觉这句话前掉的是everyone）（说实话，说道这里，我担心你的下文会和上文的内容出现重合，建议第一句有个提到上文的内容，一是为了过渡，二也可以在首句上就分清两段内容 besides too much infromation, another factor also determines that different soruces are unrealistic, that is limited people's energy）. However(建议，不要在第一句后马上就出现however 往往习惯是however之后就是观点，这样给人的感觉是你第二句就否定了本段的观点), the means that we can get information are too many for us to choose. Now, we can get information from book, TV, and internet（果然，你的例子是支持上一段观点的，这里你出现重合了）. Consequently, it is certain that our energy cannot be distributed to these ways which help us to get information. According to the survey （这个办法很好，O(∩_∩)O~）by Virginia University, some professors and experts report that one person needs eight hours to sleep. Thus（这里的因果不成立，建议翻译成中文自己看一下，是否能说服自己）, we cannot（有点觉得） devote time （建议前面加个定语吧）to various means of acquiring information. For example, it is irrefutable fact that our subjects are more and more. Especially in 20th century, most of jobs become professional and their knowledge and skills are more and more difficult to study（同样这个例子使用于上一段）. As a result, people only can get information in the particular source.

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2 x+ J* O! R  }- F- ]' H9 d; {In the nutshell, based on both too many means of getting information and our insufficient energy and time, I deem that it is possible for us to get information from particular source, in other words（换成，on the other hand）, I hardly agree with the statement that be a well-informed people should get information from many different sources.

O(∩_∩)O~改完了，可能有很多说的不对的地方，个人看法，不过希望你能发给我讨论一下O(∩_∩)O~
真的是对自己的语法太不自信。。。所以就不敢改，至于单词错误，每次我发上来自己的文章我都是自己改了好久，结果还是错一堆。。。不知道为什么
谢谢你的批改，也从你这里学到了很多 O(∩_∩)O~加油

lavenderelaineUID: 2689477

2.27：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To be well-informed people should get information from many different sources.: o+ ]3 [2 W+ h/ ?
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Nowadays, there is a statement that to be a 删well-informed people should get information from many different sources agreed by most of people. However, I deem that a well-informed people should get information in the particular source. That is why the reason（that is the reason why.,,） I disagree with the statement that to be a well-informed people should get information from many different sources.

Initial, it is impossible for anyone to be a well informed people *(person) who can get all the knowledge and information from many different sources. Since our technology and science develop faster and faster, our knowledge is so uncountable ?that our government needs to establish many libraries which obtain plenty of historical data 史料学习了and books. Thus, nobody can keep these many contents of books in his mind, even do not have time to read them. Not only by newspaper and magazines can we get information, but also we need to surf the internet to get information.平行结构吧？！这样不行啊没见过这样的 So, it is not denying that nobody in the earth can be a well-informed people who can get information from many different sources.

m
In addition, everyone has limited energy and time to spend. However, the means that we can get information are too many for us to choose. Now, we can get information from book, TV, and internet. Consequently, it is certain that our energy cannot be distributed to these ways which help us to get information. According to the survey by Virginia University, some professors and experts reported that one person needs eight hours to sleep. Thus, we cannot devote time to various means of acquiring information. For example, it is irrefutable fact that our subjects are more and more. Especially in 20th 21? century, most of jobs become professional and their knowledge and skills are more and more difficult to study. As a result, people only can get information in the particular source.0 H, n- C5 I" f7 j

In the nutshell, based on both too many means of getting information and our insufficient energy and time, I deem that it is possible for us to get information from particular source, in other words, I hardly agree with the statement that be a well-informed people should get information from many different sources.

没什么大错，挺好的。就是句子太生硬了 。一起努力积累好句型吧~

奇流沙UID: 2698749

2.28.Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform.

Nowadays, there is heated topic about education. Some people hold the view that teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform. In my prospective（可是想说perspective ?）, I disagree with the statement. My reasons are as following

Initially, now teachers' salary is low. If they should be paid according to how well their students perform, it is certain that some teachers' salary will be decreased. Thus, some teachers cannot tolerate such(so) little money, and then they will resign their jobs. However, who will replace（replace sb’s task, 没见过这个用法咩~用replace sb如何？）
those teachers' tasks when they leave their positions? It is impossible for new teachers to take over to teach students, because they are less experienced and less skillful for managing students than those teachers who quit their jobs. As a result, teachers will be less and less, which directly leads our education system to collapse.(前面论述说的是一些教师会难以忍受低工资，但是有低的则必定会有高的，这个推论不大合理啊) So, it is no any benefits for us, our education system and our society to take the policy that teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform

In addition, the regulation that teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform is unfair for some teachers. As we all know, some students like studying, while some students hate studying. For example, a teacher has an excellent way to abstract（可是要说attract？） students to learn （their） knowledge, but the mean is useless for the students who like playing. Vise visa（请教？）, even though a teacher only has normal teaching level, his students will be very excellent
（students）
if his students like studying. However, a normal teacher will enjoy high salary, whereas an excellent teacher cannot get enough money（为啥？此处要再有详细论述就好了）, if we pay teachers wage according to how well students perform. How unfair a situation it will be! Can you image that the ridiculous phenomenon happened in our country which constitution claims that everyone should be treated fairly? Hence, once we pay teachers wage according to how well students perform, our behavior will commit crime which bring the country disasters（同样，要是再有详细论述就好了，倒是为什么会犯罪或者什么引导学生犯错误？）

In the nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, I hardly agree with the statement that teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform.
论点：1.老师工资低了就会引发教育体系的崩溃以及其他问题
2．学生有的爱学习有的不爱学习不能评判老师如何
第一个论点一开始说的没错，但到了最后就有点太偏激了，开头还是有条件的论述，时候一些老师的工资变低，但到了最后就似乎变成所有的老师工资都会变低，只有什么都还很青涩的新老师才回做这个工作。要是后面的论述能平衡前面所讲的条件就好了。
第二个论点不错，但是最后提出这样会引发犯罪，我觉得这个应该另开一段进行详细论述，说到底有哪些犯罪行为，比如学术偷窃还有考试大规模作弊等等。

bensonseuUID: 2707369

2.28. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform.

Nowadays, there is heated topic about education. Some people hold the view that teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform. In my prospective, I disagree with the statement. My reasons are as following.4 F  Z( N% Q5 h6 @8 Y: [; p$ X;



Initially, now teachers' salary is low. If they should be paid according to how well their students perform, it is certain that some teachers' salary will be decreased. （说实话，鄙人没看出多certain，是不是可以再详细点？）Thus, some teachers cannot tolerate such little money, and then they will resign their jobs. However, who will replace those teachers' tasks when they leave their positions? It is impossible for new teachers to take over to teach students, because they are less experience（experienced） and less skill（skillful） for managing students than those teachers（个人建议这个可以去掉） who quit their jobs（额~~~后半句与我预料的不一样，我以为LZ也许会强调一下放弃工作的那些老师都是——或者很多是很有经验的，因为这句对比的就是这个，而非再次强调他们quit their jobs。LZ觉得呢？）. As a result, teachers will be less and less（fewer and fewer）, which directly leads our education system to collapse. So, it is no any benefits for us, our education system and our society to take the policy that teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform./ |- F4 g, Y0 p4 k* @( j2 M

In addition, the regulation that teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform is unfair for some teachers. As we all know, some students like studying, while some students hate studying. For example, a teacher has an excellent way to abstract students to learn their knowledge, but the mean is useless for the students who like playing. Vise visa (vice versa), even though a teacher only has normal teaching level, his students will be very excellent students if his students like studying. However（感觉这里用however不太好，下文已经有了whereas了，Consequently怎么样？由上文的例子得出的结果就是。。。。。）, a normal teacher will enjoy high salary, whereas an excellent teacher cannot get enough money, if we pay teachers wage according to how well students perform. How unfair a situation it will be! Can you image that the ridiculous phenomenon happened in our country which constitution claims that everyone should be treated fairly? Hence, once we pay teachers wage according to how well students perform, our behavior will commit crime which bring the country disasters! 5 R' b9 P* ?0 E, i


In the nutshell（看来楼主很喜欢这个短语呀，(*^__^*) ）, based on what I have mentioned, I hardly agree with the statement that teachers should be paid according to how well their students perform.

（LZ文章写的不错，一些小的错误我已经标注了，该说的文章里都说了，最后再说一句：继续加油吧!）
pS:这已经是我第8次给你提交了。。。bless~~~= =

meloUID: 200558

Nowadays, there is a heated topic [by] sharply soaring volume[may be 'sound ' ]about success. Some people hold the view that good dresses are more important for success than good ideas. In my perspective, I deem that good ideas are more vital for success than good dresses. That is the reason why I cannot agree with the statement that good dresses are more crucial for success than good ideas.确实重复了

Initially, there is no denying that good dresses bring us impressive memory of the person who has a gorgeous looks. Just like some actresses. They have thousands of lovely dresses and millions of good-looking high-sheer shoes. Thus, these actresses have extremely high salary.[is that the real reason why they make lots of money?] It looks like they have got their success. However, they immediately lost their jobs when they are not young. Alice who is my sister desired to be a model. She gave up her study career, when she was fourteen. I still remember my mother tied [tried] her best to convince Alice to continue to study [or let's say ' continue studying]. As a result [as a result means your mother's affected her, 'the result is'], she decided to be a model. Now I have obtained my Doctor degree [doesn's mean you r more success anyway], while she just lost her job last month. Hence, my experience gives me a [delete 'a'] advice that good dresses or good looks are not most important factor for us to get success. Success is a kind of honor career which you can insist to [insist on] do. Even though those actresses including my sister can purchase many means [is mean able to be purchased?] to maintain their good looks, it is irrefutable fact that every people will become older and older. In other words, they [will] ultimately lose their good looks.
I hold a different point of view that maybe your sister's unsuccesful career doesn's due to her having a good face over without any good ideas, maybe she lost because of this good ideas of being a model

For example, most of famous scientists and inventors such as Edison do not have good looks, but they still get a host of success. The reason why Edison invented lamps was not [for/that] he had beautiful dresses, but he had a novel idea. Our history has told us that if a person has a good idea, it is possible for him to get success. Take Washington who is the first United States precedent as an example. When each state in North American was controlled by British government, each state' people [people in there] were compelled to pay taxes without any reasons and welfares [welfare]. After seeing the phenomenon [to my concern 'phenomenon' is a scienfitic word], Washington felt very angry and unfair. And then he had a perfect idea that he organizes these states to be a new country. I believe his idea is a powerful impulse for [The] American Revolution. From this instance, Washington got his success without using his good dresses or good looks which is certain for him not to possess. Consequently, a good idea will lead one people [person] even one country to be successful.

In the nutshell, based on what I have mentioned above, I hardly agree with the statement that good looks and dresses are more important for success than good ideas.

duck2010UID: 2757376

Nowadays, it (it指的是什么呢？) is a heated topic about our society. Some people argue that it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize, since contemporary society has become more complex. In my perspective, I deem that it is unnecessary for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize, because our science is advanced. Hence, I totally disagree with those people's opinion.（这句话好像接得有点突兀）3 p

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Initially, as our knowledge and technology increase（技术是不能增长的）, our lives will become easier and easier. For example, since Edison invented recorders, we have enjoyed music without anyone singing. In the 18 century, most of women were busy to washing and cooking. Until our inventors created a host of new machines such as washers and microwaves, our domestic engineers had been released from very annoying and time-consuming horse works. Now our（建议删掉our） mothers or wives are not worried about any house works. We can utilize various machines to deal with these matters. We can even make a phone to call local fast food shop to deliver the food which we like best. Not only in daily life can we solve any problems easily, but also in traveling we also can make a plan without costing much energy. Now, we can review any information about traveling on some websites due to Internet function. For instance, we can book coach, train, and air tickets by priceline.com. Thus, it is practical for us to schedule our traveling plan without considering too much factors.3 }8 h& P5 F4 T6 \: g( z1 }7 s

In addition, in the progress of using many automatic machines, what we need to do is the ability to design and create rather than plan and organize. Just like my father（建议更加书面化，换种说法）. My father is a plane designer. I still remember he always used his ruler and pencil to draw blueprint, when I was child. Every day, my father brought many paper and different kinds of devices from working place to home in order to finish his plane's blueprint. However, after his company equipped him with a computer, his tasks would never become this kind of simple. My father just needs to take advantage of his laptop to design blueprint. Once, he told me that he can design any kind of plane at his willing, because our technology is mature.' f9 }7 f$ O, B6 Q$ ]- G

In the nutshell, I believe that it is unnecessary for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize, because our science is advanced. That is the reason why I hardly agree with the statement that modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

一个突出的感受是，你在文章中用our用得很多，our technology，our mothers and wives, our science...
我个人认为其中绝大多数our都可以考虑删掉。
语言方面没有其他问题，挺棒的。
观点方面，我认为托福作文只要自圆其说就够了，也挺好的。

加油！:)