作文本1.21更新到今天！(低落)

lain0119UID: 2695504

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion about whether scientists should be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries. Some individuals agree with the statement. However, hardly can I agree with those people's opinion, because, from my perspective, scientists should not be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries.. (because后面的话完全不构成因果,只是观点的复述啊,两句话讲得同一个意思,啰嗦了~)
  To beginning(begin) with, once scientists find(用完成时可能好些?) their theories or complete their researches, how to utilize those theories and researches is other people's jobs rather than scientists’' duty. For example, Einstein, one of the greatest scientists in the world(鼎鼎有名的爱因斯坦就不用介绍了嘛~), had never realized that his discovery would bring nuclear weapons, when finding nuclear power. After American air forces firstly used atom bombs to attack Japan, which directly lead three thousand Japanese to be killed, Einstein also felt so guilty that he strongly opposed American air forces' nuclear bombing. From the case, we can conclude that Einstein never claimed that he supported American government to design, produce, and use atom bombs(太武断了~). In fact, he always argued that government should take advantage of nuclear power to provide energy for developing American industries such as establishing power stations. Therefore, scientists like Einstein should be(啊???) responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries.0 F3 ~" ~) F* e* n0 O

In addition, it is universally acknowledged that most of (the) scientists' successes in their fields root in their interest for science. Just like Einstein's case, if any one believes that Einstein discovered nuclear power is (双谓语了)not for killing Japanese, I deem his thinking must be wrong. Even though Einstein aspired to use atom bombs to fight war, he should bomb German rather than Japanese because Einstein was a Jew(淡定lz). As we all know, German killed a host of Jews.(以暴制暴是不对的,何况轰炸德国也是轰炸德国的平民= =,还有后面一堆话偏离段落主题句了)

In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, I disagree with the statement that scientists should be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries.
语法是没有什么问题,但是感觉逻辑还是有点散~给的建议的话就是例子举到点就可以了,不要画蛇添足再加上自己无关的观点呀~

蔓落UID: 2779470

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion about whether scientists should be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries. Some individuals agree with the statement. However, hardly can I agree with those people's opinion, because, from my perspective, scientists should not be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries.(楼主，我感觉这句有点多余，你不同意他们自然就是你认为他们不会有消极的影响了。。。可以改成说我有如下几点原因之类的）
To beginning with, once scientists find their theories or complete their researches, how to utilize those theories and researches is other people's jobs rather than scientists’' duty.（楼主，这句有语法错误，整个句子结构不是很对。。。但我也改不好。。。sorry） For example, Einstein, one of the greatest scientists in the world, had never realized that his discovery would bring nuclear weapons, when finding（用discoverying吧） nuclear power. After American air forces firstly used atom bombs to attack Japan, which directly lead three thousand Japanese to be killed, Einstein also felt so guilty that he strongly opposed American air forces' nuclear bombing. From the case, we can conclude that Einstein never claimed that he supported American government to design, produce, and use atom bombs. In fact, he always argued that government should take advantage(s) of nuclear power to provide energy for developing (take advantages of sth to do 吧）American industries such as establishing power stations. Therefore, scientists like Einstein sould be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries.（等下。。。楼主。。。爱因斯坦只是发明了XX，自己觉得内疚，这是他主管的，可是为什么说客观也应该要求啊。。。不是很明白这个逻辑。。。而且个人觉得例子有点太冗长了，搞不懂你到底想说什么，可以先直接阐述原因后在举例）

In addition, it is universally acknowledged that most of scientists' successes in their fields root in their interest（s） for science. Just like Einstein's case, if any one believes that Einstein discovered nuclear power is not for killing Japanese, I deem his thinking must be wrong. Even though Einstein aspired to use atom bombs to fight war, he should bomb German rather than Japanese because Einstein was a Jew. As we all know, German killed a host of Jews.（额。。。两段用同一个例子说不同的事。。。我不知道这样写好不好。。。如果好的话这样的思路可以借鉴~）


In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, I disagree with the statement that scientists should be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries.


楼主，我感觉我们的写作水平差不多~刚才看完同组那位大牛的。。。觉得像在做阅读。。。
楼主的问题吧~我个人觉得就是例子太冗长了。。。自己叙述的部分好多（夹杂在例子中），就感觉这个结果不是很清晰。。。
我们一起加油吧~
看你都写了那么多了，是个勤奋的好孩子~
努力会有收获的~~~加油加油~

nexthopUID: 2744929

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion about whether children should only play sports for fun. Some individuals agree with the statement, holding the view that the goal of playing sports for children is for fun. However, I disagree with those people's opinion. From my perspective, children should play sports in competition. My reasons are as following.

To beginning with, it is universally acknowledged that children like playing sports, because playing is children's nature which cannot be prevented from any one (运动和玩好像没有因果关系吧？难道是因为都有一个play？而且这个表达好像比较中国思维了，虽然我也不知道怎么写能更好一点，呵呵). For example, when I was a four-year child, I played football with my friends every day. Whereas, if some people deem playing football for fun is better, I may argue their comments are not precise. According to my experience, playing sports in competition will easily let children to make friends with each other. During the time when I played in a football game I accidentally broke my leg. I still remember how pain I suffered when I lied on the football field. At that moment, Richard who is another team's teammate sent me to the hospital. After the accident, I really appreciated Richard. Now, I always have kept in touch with Richard, because Richard carried me on his back in group to cure my leg. Since a English old saying says that a friend in need is a friend indeed, Richard and I has became a good friend since my leg was recovered.（感觉这个例子太长了……而且写到后面变成描述你们关系多么好了，感觉稍微有点点偏了，虽然是运动让你们认识，但是之后就和论题没关系了） Therefore, I believe playing sports in competition will provide a precious opportunity for children to make one-life friends.

In addition, playing sports in competition also can instruct children to learn competitive spirit. In other words, sports games such as basketball games and football games can culture children competitive spirit which plays a very crucial role in their future. As we all know, competition between people and people（直接between people就可以了吧） becomes fiercer and fiercer, especially in working and studying. If children cannot possess competitive spirit, they will be defeated by other people. Competitive spirit instills people mental power which can support them to fight with their enemies, overcome their difficult and insist their goals. For example, Jordan has been one of the most excellent basketball players in the world since he played basketball in his high school. There is an irrefutable fact that he also obtains his success in other fields, after he retired from NBA. The reason which lead him to be a famous people is he always have competitive spirit which tells him that whatever happens, you should keep himself up and do not give up his objective. So, playing sports in competition should be children's choice.

In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, hardly I can agree with the statement that children should only play sports for fun. I believe that children should play sports in competition.

不错的，继续加油~

lain0119UID: 2695504

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion about whether children should only play sports for fun. Some individuals agree with the statement, holding the view that the goal of playing sports for children is for fun(从句和主句都是讲的一个意思也,这样的话把从句换成这些人为什么这样认为的理由也许比较好?!). However, I disagree with those people's opinion. From my perspective, children should play sports in competition. My reasons are as following.

To beginning with(就是to begin with吧？！）, it is universally acknowledged that children like playing sports, because playing is children's nature which cannot be prevented from any one.（这句话应该不能算主题句，主题句是要能统领全段的~而且这句话有点和题目无关，毕竟是有趣v。s竞争，而不是小孩子要不要参加体育） For example, when I was a four-year child, I played football with my friends every day. Whereas, if some people deem playing football for fun is better, I may argue their comments are not precise. According to my experience, playing sports in competition will easily let children to make friends with each other（这句才是主题句啊~藏得太深了啊，提到段落首句吧，老外是animal思维啊~）. During the time（once a time可能好些?!) when I played in a football game I accidently broke my leg. I still remember how pain I suffered when I lied on the football field（这句话最好删）. At that moment, Richard who is(was) another team's teammate sent me to the hospital. After the accident, I really appreciated Richard. Now, I always have kept in touch with Richard, because Richard carried me on his back in group to cure my leg. Since a English old saying says that a friend in need is a friend indeed, Richard and I has became a good friend since my leg was recovered. Therefore, I believe playing sports in competition will provide a precious opportunity for children to make one-life friends.  (例子不错。就是这段之前的话多余了，例子有的话还可以精简一点）
In addition, playing sports in competition also can instruct children to learn competitive spirit（这样的主题句就对了）. In other words, sports games such as basketball games and football games can culture children competitive spirit which plays a very crucial role in their future. As we all know, competition between people and people（among people可能好些？！） becomes fiercer and fiercer, especially in working and studying. If children cannot possess competitive spirit, they will be defeated by other people. Competitive spirit instills people mental power which can support them to fight with their enemies, overcome their difficult and insist their goals(这句话最好提到第二句话的位置~）. For example, Jordan has been one of the most excellent basketball players in the world since he played basketball in his high school（high school的学生已经不叫children了，children是12岁以下滴~）. There is an irrefutable fact that he also obtains his success in other fields, after he retired from NBA. The reason which lead him to be a famous people is he always have competitive spirit which tells him that whatever happens, you（he) should keep himself up and do not give up his objective. So, playing sports in competition should be children's choice.（感觉这段的逻辑应该有点confused，competition spirit 应该直接接主题句了，下面才能来它在现代竞争社会到底有什么作用）

In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, hardly I can agree with the statement that children should only play sports for fun. I believe that children should play sports in competition.
例子还是要精简一些啊~~~
段落的逻辑还要理顺点~

crazyluUID: 2628382

Revised By Crazylu

peggy931005UID: 2770452

楼主好强悍啊~明显看出进步了啊~

lain0119UID: 2695504

3.31 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on young people

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about the effects of movies and televisions. Some individuals hold the view that movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on young people. However, from my perspective, movies and televisions have more positive effects on young people. My reasons are as following.

To begin with, it is universally acknowledged that televisions bring our daily lives convenience. People can obtain information about what happened in the world by watching television. (这里最好加一个小连接词,因为上句讲的是获取信息,下句讲的是精神生活更丰富)Not only the news report, but also entertaining programs help our mental lives to become richer and more various(让精神生活更加丰富是不是方便的一种有待商榷哈~). Since these reasons, it is no doubt that movies and televisions have positive effects on young people(这句有点像段落结尾句了也,建议删掉). For example, when a young man comes back to his home, after his hard studying or working, what he desires to do is relax his mind and rest for a while. There are no any other easier approaches except watching television for a young people to release his studying or working pressure. Therefore, movies and televisions bring positive effects on young people.这段写到后几句有点偏离主题句了,主题句是带来便利,后面已经变成放松心情了,当然如果你的段首第一句是主题句的话.
  
In addition, there are more educational programs playing in televisions. For instance, Chinese channel always performs the program called learning English every Friday night. I used to watch the program every week. It really instructs me not only a host of novel words, but also help(s) me improve my grammar of English. Furthermore, I have learned many slums in English and history of United States of American. After all(毕竟?!这个连接词说不通啊), the knowledge which I acquire from the television help(s) me to prepare TOEFL test. I should admit that Television give me positive effects on my learning English. Hence, as a young people, I strongly argue that televisions bring too much positive effects on us(这段中间英语节目带给自身的积极影响的几句话其实可以就装在一个句子里的,这样可能使文章更紧凑些)

Nevertheless, it also is a fact that some televisions play TV shows manifesting crimes, fighting, and wars. Those programs indeed influence some young people, but according to the survey by University of Virginia, some professors and teachers point out that 5% young people like to watch TV shows about wars. (这个最好泛指是暴力节目,毕竟战争题材也有可能是希望唤起人们的反战情绪不是?!) Hence, televisions have positive effects on most of young people.! (movies呢?!)

In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, hardly can I agree with those people opinion that movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on young people.

语法是没有太大的问题可以挑,主要还是段落之间逻辑有点松散,要记得stick to 段落主题句啊!!!
段首的主题句的关键词完全不见了movies,举例也基本没有举上movies,movies被你忽略了么~还是要写生一点点比较切题吧~