作文本1.21更新到今天！(低落)

annkeUID: 2605122

3.22Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should assign homework to their students every day.

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about whether teachers should assign homework to their students every day. Some individuals hold the view that students should do homework every day. Nevertheless, from my perspective, teachers should not assign homework to their students every day. My reasons are as following.

Initially, finishing homework every day is a tough task for students. It is human's nature[哈哈，有趣] that students like to play rather than do homework. So[,] homework is a tough task for every student. However, homework is merely a mean of measure for students to review what they had learned today. Consequently, if teachers can instruct knowledge to students deeply, it will be unnecessary for students to complete their homework which teachers assign. Therefore, it is irrational to take students' pain coming from homework to replace teachers' responsibility.

In addition, now students' homework will bring a host of drawbacks. According to the survey investigated by University of Virginia, some professors and experts points out[前面有根据调查了，两句择一即可] that 78% American students are confronted[vt直接confront简洁] [to] too much studying pressure which coming from very complex homework. Last week, I heard the news that a college student cannot tolerate too much homework to kill himself with a gun. These cases totally manifest the problems our education system has encountered.[感觉你是把作业多当成一个社会现象来写了。] Now many students cannot enjoy sport games, play their musical instrument and watch TVs[set phrase watch TV，想用复数就watch TV programs], even have no time to read newspapers. Students only devote all their energy and time to solve[?] homework. If teachers assign homework to their students every day, it is obvious that there are more tragedies appeared in our education system[society，我对教育系统的理解可能和你有点出入]. Hence, tasks of teachers are improving the effect and efficient[effect and efficiency] of their courses rather than assign homework every day.

In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, hardly can I agree with those people opinion. I believe that teachers should not assign homework to their students every day
[思路清晰明了。还是得加强句法和流畅感。一起加油吧~].

51航海UID: 2738581

In recent year, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about whether people should live in one place. Some individuals hold the view that people should stay at one city or in one country all their life. However, from my perspective, people should move to live in various places. My reasons are as following.

Initially, as our society develops, our transportation system becomes more and more powerful. Now we can utilize buses, trains, and air planes to reach any places in the world, which is impossible for ancient people to image（imagine）. Therefore, moving to live in different places will be a future trend for most of people such as young people who live in the country and old people live in the city.

When people are young, they should try their best to pursue their success. The first step to embrace success is hunting a suitable job. Nevertheless, it is universally acknowledged that cities can provide more job positions than the country. Hence, young people who live in the country should move to cities to apply the first step to obtain their careers. Living in cities not only provide young people high salary jobs, but also bring them a good opportunity to meet new people and absorb novel experience of studying, working and living. It is no doubt that those experience and job offers which young people confront with will send them to the road of success.(感觉有点中式，)

Old people who live in the cities should move to the country due to cities' environment. According to the survey investigated by University of Virginia, some professors and experts point out that cities' air pollution has been a murder criminal who kills 3000 old men every year in American. So, old people should leave the cities to the country. There is fresh and clean air for old men to breath. The country also can supply old people a peace environment which is very crucial for them to live longer. In contrast, now, more and more private cars and people cities possess, more and more noises they will produce.（这句话语法可以这样么？） So, old men should move to the country.
（oldmen should move to the country,so what about young men 对年轻人也是，城市的环境对他们也不好啊，感觉你这么写，分老年人和年情人2个角度倒是不错， 但是理由不是很妥。）
In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, hardly can I agree with those people's opinion that people should stay at one city or in one country all their life. I strongly believe that people should move to live in different places.

感觉这篇没有以前的好，说理并不能以理服人

nexthopUID: 2744929

写的挺好的。但是有一个问题，因为你是根据不同的人，来做出不同的选择，那么我觉得就不要说城市的坏了，直说城市和乡村都怎么怎么好。因为你说城市空气污染严重，每年杀死多少多少人，车多噪音大环境不好，可是在此之前你又说年轻人要去城市，感觉会很奇怪。就直接说城市哪里好，吸引年轻人，乡村哪里好，吸引老年人，这样大家各取所需，就非常好了。
文章结构和语法上……水平有限，觉得很好，呵呵，只是我写不出来。时间有限，只能先模板了。

yxb_25UID: 2758094

3.25. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Printed books have greater effects on society than television has.1 {; z9 b3 a& F; F+ d+ i$ L  f
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Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume.（这句很好，学习了） Some individuals hold the view that television has great effects on society. However, from my perspective, printed books have more effects on our daily life than television.((开门见山，很清晰）

Initially, it is universally acknowledged that television indeed has made our society change a lot since it was invented. Now, we can utilize television to share the enjoyment from televisions' program with our family and friends. Nevertheless, television’s influence is less with comparing with printed books. （这句话这样说似乎有些啰嗦,这样会好点Comparing with the printed book, television is less influence than the former）Television just is a means of entertainment which help people to relax their nervous mind and release their working and studying pressure. In contrast, books also have the
same function for them. For example, story books just like TV shows can tell us stories. The greatest different between TV and printed books is that printed books help our science and technology development which lead our society and civilization to be affected at most degree.0 x9 R& y' Q  g7 \, I
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Even though the internet, computers, TV all has appeared in front of us, there are still thousand of libraries which possess millions of printed books to provide us knowledge. As we all know, Knowledge plays a crucial role in any societies. Just like a old English saying: knowledge is power. （引用经典，简单而有说服力）If we had not printed books, we would not keep knowledge in our mind, because anyone may forget them. In that situation, any talents would not be cultured including inventors and scientists. So, TV, The internet, and computers would not be realized. However, TV never affects our science and technology growth. （开头这样说似乎不合理，观点有些绝对化，电视对科学进步的贡献还是挺大的，但看长期电视却对一个人的成长和进步没有帮助，可以根据你下面的举例换一种说法）No one heard the news that one person become a professional worker or an experienced manager through watching TV. In other words, TV cannot bring experts to our society. Only through reading printed books can a citizen become a people who can complete his social responsibility.（这段的后半段的举例说理似乎太绝对，可以换一下语气）


In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, hardly can I agree with those people's opinion that television has great effects on society. I believe that printed books have greater effects on society than television has.

写的很好啊，语言很流畅，学习学习，就是感觉作者的第三段举例观点太过强烈，呵呵，似乎把电视说的一无是处了，我知道作者想表达的意思，但是如果能换一个思路会更好！

nexthopUID: 2744929

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume. Some individuals hold the view that television has great effects on society. However, from my perspective, printed books have more effects on our daily life than television.

Initially, it is universally acknowledged that television indeed has made our society change a lot since it was invented. Now, we can utilize television to share the enjoyment from televisions' program with our family and friends. Nevertheless, television’s influence is less with comparing with printed books. Television just is a means (mean) of entertainment which help people to relax their nervous mind and release their working and studying pressure. In contrast, books also have the same function for them. For example, story books just like TV shows can tell us stories. The greatest different (difference) between TV and printed books is that printed books help our science and technology development (help和development搭配么？换个accelerate？) which lead our society and civilization to be affected at most degree.

Even though the internet, computers, TV all has appeared in front of us, there are still thousand of libraries which possess millions of printed books to provide us knowledge. As we all know, Knowledge plays a crucial role in any societies. Just like an old English saying: knowledge is power. If we had not printed books, we would not keep knowledge in our mind, because anyone may forget them. In that situation, any talents would not be cultured including inventors and scientists. So, TV, The internet, and computers would not be realized. However, TV never affects our science and technology growth. No one heard the news that one person become a professional worker or an experienced manager through watching TV. In other words, TV cannot bring experts to our society. Only through reading printed books can a citizen become a people who can complete his social responsibility.

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In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, hardly can I agree with those people's opinion that television has great effects on society. I believe that printed books have greater effects on society than television has.

语言上，没什么说了的，论述的很自然，反正我写不出来，呵呵。
结构上，第二段从电视有影响转折到书的影响更大，第三段从书的巨大影响转折到电视没有影响。我也不知道这样的表达是好还是不好，不过读起来是有点感觉不那么清晰一目了然，可能是水平不到。

mpromanusUID: 2565872

173# jbc88

这位童鞋的毅力真好，楼很壮观啊~

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume (I'm not entirely against templates, but I think it's worth mentioning that templates often tend to be of little value in themselves. Typical template sentences, like this one highlighted here, adds nothing relevant to the actual question you're expected to discuss, because the issue in discussion won't be affected whether there is or is not a 'heated discussion with sharply soaring volume'. I'm not blaming you for using a template, but I do wish to remind you that to consistently write well, it's more essential to develop the ability to write solid, substantial phrases than to write with empty 'flair'.) about what kind of students will be successful. Some individuals hold the view that students who keep their own rooms organized tend to succeed. In my perspective, students who possess content scores? in every subject and be are good at communication are likely to be successful. My reasons are as following. (The question is a specific agree/disagree question, therefore it'd be good if you could answer whether you agree/disagree with the given statement directly in the opening paragraph.)

Initially (I'm kind of wondering if this 'sharply soaring volume' template is from a very popular book or something, because you're not the first person I see who uses 'initially' to mean 'firstly', or 'to begin with'. They're not the same. Use 'firstly' or 'to begin with'.), those students whose rooms are organized are good at planning, but which this (If you use 'but', the rest will need to be a proper sentence, not a clause, so you can't use 'which'.) does not mean they will get success, since keeping people's??? rooms organized does not have any direct relationship with their success. (This is not a complete sentence. You should merge it with the previous sentence.) For example, Edison is one of the greatest inventors in the world who always liked to sleep in his laboratory which was dirty and disorderly, because he devoted his whole life's energy and time to design and create what he desired to make, so (You should not use 'because' and 'so' in the same sentence.) that Edison had not time to concern over his room. Nevertheless, after trying with thousands of materials, Edison found a suitable material to be for the lamp wick (The 'wick' is the cotton thread in oil lamps or candles. The thin wires in an electronic light bulb is called the 'filament'.). it is no doubt that lamp wick was one of the greatest inventions in human history, because it brings people lights (Aww. As if people never had light before Edison invented the bulb. The invention of Edison is an affordable, durable electronic light bulb, not just a 'light'.). From Edison's case, we draw a conclusion that there is no any logic? relationship between one's success and his organized room.

So, what factors lead students to obtain success? My answers are content scores? (Again, I'm not sure what you're trying to express with the word 'content'. It's NOT a word that people normally associate with 'scores'.) and communication skills. Firstly, students' job is studying. There is an irrefutable fact that scores are the most important standard for many students to measure their success in academics (Or 'academia'.). Those students who have content scores will tend be successful. According to a survey investigated by University of Virginia, a host of professors and experts point out that those students who have GPA 3.5 or 3.5 above always can hunt find highly salaried jobs. In other words, those students generally will acquire their success in their different fields (You're implicitly saying that 'highly salaried jobs' == success. It might not be a very strong assumption.). Secondly, as our society develops, people's communication becomes more and more frequent, so how to make friends with other people becomes more and more vital. That is the reason why it is necessary for students to grasp communication skills. Even though one a student's GPA is high, which just means that his ability is excellent, he still will confront with his failure? (You 'confront' difficulties and 'face' failures.) without other co-workers' cooperation (Again, from the way your argument develops, you're showing implicit assumptions like 'making friends' == earning people's 'cooperation', or 'learn communication skills' == 'make friends'. Such assumptions could be controversial.). Therefore, one a student who has content scores and communication skills is likely to be successful.

In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned above, hardly can I agree with their (Whose?) opinion that students who keep their own rooms organized tend to succeed. I strongly argue that students who have content scores and communication skills will acquire success. (If you put this together with the question, I bet you'll immediately see the difference - the question's phrasing is 'students who ... are MORE LIKELY to succeed.' This is an expression of comparison and probability, which you didn't really argue very strongly in the essay. The question doesn't say students who don't keep their rooms organized, or students who possess other good qualities will not be successful, just less likely.)

总结：

你的句法，尤其是从句句法，还有一些词汇表达的使用需要注意一下。论述方面略有偏题，第一个反驳点说成功和扫一屋没有必然关系这个可以，但是后面接着去谈你认为怎样的特质才能成功就偏于绝对了。题目是个比较题，‘是不是扫一屋的更可能成功’，不是说不扫一屋的一定不成功，也不是说其他特质也都一定不会成功，所以你做论述的时候也要注意，题目是非绝对的，所以你的论述也要跟着题目的风格走。

canoe03UID: 2786666

学习楼主好榜样

nexthopUID: 2744929

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about whether students who keep their neat and organized will obtain success. Some individuals hold the view that those students can get success. Nevertheless, from my perspective, students who have communication skills and the spirit of perseverance will tend to be successful.

Initially, keeping students' rooms clean and organized is a good habit for every student. Students can possess their comfortable environments due to the habit. However, the habit is no direct relationship with their success, because rooms clean and neat does not mean one person's success. In history, there were many successful people whose room were disorder and dirty. For example, In group to invent filament, Edison, one of the greatest inventors in the world, devoted his energy and time to try various materials during his working time when he ignore his laboratory which also was his rooms was disorder. After trying thousand of materials, Edison finally found bamboo which is the most suitable material for filaments which bring lights to most of families. From the case, we can conclude that if Edison had not finished thousands of tests, he would have successfully invented filament. Therefore, success is derived from the spirit of perseverance rather than their organized rooms.

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In addition, not only is the spirit of perseverance a important factor, but communication skills also play a very crucial role during the time when students are pursuing students' success. As our society develops, team cooperation becomes more and more vital, so communication skills is necessary for students to grasp if they desire to be successful men. For instance, producing a plane is so a huge project that many people who own different knowledge need to work together. It is obvious for them to have great communication skills. Without communication skills supporting, the team will be disunity, confusion, and suspicion, which ultimately result in the failure of the project. In contrast, the task is no any connection with their rooms. Hence, students who have communication skills will be successful.

b
In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, hardly can I agree with those people opinion that students who keep their neat and organized will obtain success, because I deem that students who have communication skills and the spirit of perseverance will tend to be successful.


看完楼主的文章，我很惭愧，因为我不知道我该改什么……我才写了几篇，字句都还用不通顺，实在是无法下手。
看这楼盖的，看的出楼主是个很有毅力的人。三个月以前我就开始准备了，可惜直到考前14天才开始作文，典型的拖拉性格，鄙视一下自己。

跟楼主分在一个修改组几次了，可惜每次都很难提出建设性的意见，实在是感到很抱歉。
另外，看到193楼牛人改的作文，借机认真学习。

mumoluluUID: 2747637

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about whether students who keep their neat and organized will obtain success. Some individuals hold the view that （in turn to get a conclusion that…个人观点觉得这么插进去 似乎有递进的感觉）those students can get success.（可能和我个人写作方面有关 比较喜欢精简 首先individual这个词在这里好像换成普通一点的会好一点） Nevertheless, from my perspective, students who have communication skills and the spirit of perseverance will tend to be successful.（Not only to take a one-sided view of things instead of all.我觉得加一句会更突出你不同意这个观点 不然的话 貌似风马牛不相及）

Initially, keeping students' rooms clean and organized is a good habit for every student. Students can possess（觉得这个词怪怪的） their comfortable environments due to the habit（students comfort their living environment while enjoy their good habit不知道我这么表达能否和你要表达的异曲同工 要是有错 欢迎批评 ）. However, the habit is no direct relationship with（won’t directly related to） their success, because rooms clean and neat does not mean one person's success. In history, there were many successful people whose room were disorder and dirty. For example, In group to invent filament, Edison, one of the greatest inventors in the world, devoted his energy and time to try various materials during his working time when he ignore his laboratory which also was his rooms was disorder. After trying thousand of (hundreds of thousands of 我个人比较喜欢这个词 推荐)materials, Edison finally found bamboo which is the most suitable material for filaments which bring lights to most of families. From the case, we can conclude（feel out） that if Edison had not finished thousands of tests, he would have successfully invented filament. Therefore, success is derived from the spirit of perseverance rather than their organized rooms.   H" l+ M: v) {


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In addition, not only is (去掉) the spirit of perseverance a important factor（去掉 因为重要性的比较在后面的but句都能体现出来啊）, but communication skills also play a very crucial role during the time when students are pursuing students' success. As our society develops, team cooperation becomes more and more vital, so communication skills is necessary for students to grasp if they desire to be successful men. For instance, producing a plane is so a huge project that many people who own different knowledge need to work together. It is obvious for them to have great communication skills. Without communication skills supporting, the team will be disunity, confusion, and suspicion, which ultimately result in the failure of the project. In contrast, the task is no any connection with their rooms. Hence, students who have communication skills will be successful. $ T& {0 g# D+ X8 E, U


In a nutshell, based on what I have mentioned, hardly can I agree with those people opinion that students who keep their neat and organized will obtain success, because I deem that students who have communication skills and the spirit of perseverance will tend to be successful.

细节上看到193楼童鞋改的好详细 就不深究语法啦 提出几点仅供参考