作文本1.21更新到今天！(低落)

everloving5201UID: 2812569

Some people who like entertainment think people should spend more time on personal enjoyment while some people who like working or studying hold that people should spend more time on what they should do.lz，跳出这一句来是想说，从这一句中就可以看出lz喜欢用句子套句子，套来套去，结果不仅语法混乱，而且自己的意思也得不到最清晰正确的表达，正所谓 简明，直接，有力的写作难于花哨，含混而意义模糊的表达。
8. With modern offices becoming more mechanized, designers are attempting to personalize them with warmer, less severe interiors.-----出自俞敏洪：100个句子记完的7000单词

wuyinheroUID: 2683653

5.13 Do you think that young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term?* i0 {2 F1 k! T1 f/ l$ d8 N0 Y
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Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about whether young people should take several different kinds of job(jobs) before they take a career in a long term. In my perspective, I agree with the statement. My reasons are as following.
第一段阐明观点，简洁明了
To begin with, several various kinds of job can help the young to obtain working experience and grasp communication skills which are vital factors for young people to commence their careers in the future. Hence, it is necessary for young people to try many different positions. For example, my father is a successful businessman and he now owns a trade company. Since I know that my father had tried a host of different jobs such as salesman and manager, my father can easily manage his trade company. When my father used to be a salesman to market products, he learned how to persuade his customer to purchase products. As a manager, my father also trained his ability of administering and his leadership. My father always tells me that he would not handle matters of his own company well without the supporting by the knowledge and skills learned from his previous working experience. Therefore, if someone desires to establish his career in a long term, the first step he should do is trying different jobs.: P% N) `# b0 M* t' {% b
观点一：可以获得经验
In addition, many and various kinds of job instruct young people the spirit of persistence, because different jobs mean different tasks and various difficult(difficulty). It is universally acknowledged that the spirit of persistence is cultured(cultivated) during the time when people overcome various obstacles. For example, Edison who is one of greatest inventors in the world had had a lot of(可以换个高级的词汇替换) different jobs. Edison was interested in solving hard problems encountering(encountered) during his working time. When Edison decided to give up the problem, his curiosity impulsed(名词，你用错了，用pushed怎么样？) him to go into the problem. Thus, the spirit of persistence gradually(移到is的后面) is formed by those different tasks derived from various jobs. When Edison tried thousands of materials, but he(still) cannot find a proper material to be the filament, the spirit of persistence gave him courage to pick up the right material. From Edison's instance, I can conclude that young people should take several different kinds of job to learn the spirit of persistence playing(which plays) a crucial role in anyone's(everyone’s) career.  v: 灌点
To sum up, based on what I have mentioned above, I deem that young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term.
       
写的挺好的，学习了
第一个例子举得恰到好处。第二个例子有些牵强，爱迪生尝试了很多种材料与很多种工作还是有差距的。
几乎没啥语法和用词错误。
从正面2点论证，展开的挺丰富的。

canoe03UID: 2786666

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about whether young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term. In my perspective, I agree with the statement. My reasons are as following.

To begin with, several various kinds of job can help the young to obtain working experience and grasp communication skills which are vital factors for young people to commence their careers in the future. Hence, it is necessary for young people to try many different positions. For example, my father is a successful businessman and he now owns a trade company. Since I know that my father had tried a host of different jobs such as salesman and manager, my father can easily manage his trade company. When my father used to be a salesman to(of) market products, he learned how to persuade his customer to purchase products. As a manager, my father also trained his ability of administering(administration) and his leadership. My father always tells(tell) me that he would not handle matters of his own company well without the supporting by the knowledge and skills learned from his previous working experience. Therefore, if someone desires to establish his career in a long term, the first step he should do is trying different jobs.

In addition, many and various kinds of(delete ‘many’ or ‘various kinds of’)
job instruct young people the spirit of persistence, because different jobs mean different tasks and various difficult(adjective, the right word is ‘difficulties’). It is universally acknowledged that the spirit of persistence is cultured during the time when people overcome various obstacles. For example, Edison who is one of greatest inventors in the world had had a lot of different jobs. Edison was interested in solving hard problems encountering(encountered) during his working time. When Edison decided to give up the problem(I think it is ‘give up solving problem’ not ‘give up problem ’), his curiosity impulsed him to go into the problem (again). Thus, the spirit of persistence gradually is formed by those different tasks derived from various jobs. When Edison tried thousands of materials, but he cannot find a proper material to be the filament, the spirit of persistence gave him courage to pick up the right material. From Edison's instance, I can conclude that young people should take several different kinds of job to learn the spirit of persistence playing a crucial role in anyone's careers. (Thomas Edison is too familiar to Americans, and I don’t think the example here exactly illustrate Edison took several jobs.)

To sum up, based on what I have mentioned above, I deem that young people should take several different kinds of job before they take a career in a long term.
（本文的句法结构都很好，就是第二段如指出那样例子可能有些问题，改一改就好了）

liufly2008UID: 2660073

5.14 More vacation time job better than high salary less off vacation time job.
Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about job's choice. Some people like jobs which bring them high salary and less vacation time. However, in my perspective, I prefer the job providing me more vacation time. My reasons are as following.
To begin with, as our economy developing, the working pressure and difficulty become more and more fierce. Hence, vacation time plays a very crucial role in our daily life. It is universally acknowledged that working is a part of our life. Even though some people believe that the only goal of their life is working, it is certain that they cannot constantly work, because anyone needs entertainment and sleep to refresh their energy. If employees cannot possess enough time to rest, it is hard for them to concentrate on their working tasks. According to a survey by University of Virginia, some professors and experts point out that 70% workers in United States of American who are(have) high salary and less vacation time admit that they cannot focus on their jobs when they struggle with difficult tasks. So, enough vacation is vital for any employee to enjoy(这句看不太懂). Actually, vacation time not only bring entertainment and sleep which help employees release their working pressure, but also give people's family pleasure and happiness. For example, my father was a manager who had high salary and less vacation time in a trade company. My father was so busy that he could not have sufficient time to accompany my mother and me. After my father was transferred to the job which can provide him a host of vacation time, now my father takes advantage of the vacation time to go to the camp and have(has) dinner with my mother and me. We all feel happy and pleasant. Therefore, vacation time cannot be diminished in our daily life. 9 v% b0 _1 n5 i$ K6 z
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In addition, some people believe that high salaries provide us a better life, but, if people do not have enough time, how do they spent these money on enjoying their happy life? Do not mention some pleasure which people cannot purchase such as family's happiness which I just mention above. As we all know, everyone desires to have a happy life. When employees have the job which is high salary and less vacation time, they should invest most of their time on their positions. Since those employees do not have sufficient vacation time, the money just is a number for them. As a matter of fact, Money is irrelevant with happy life. For instance, Chile is a poor country, but Chile people are satisfied with their currently life.
To sum up, based on what I have mentioned, I deem I choose the job providing me more vacation time rather than the job which give me high salary and less vacation time.

写得挺好的，学习了。感觉第二段的逻辑并不是很清晰。

wuyinheroUID: 2683653

5.14 More vacation time job better than high salary less off vacation time job.
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Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about job's choice. Some people like jobs which bring them high salary and less vacation time. However, in my perspective, I prefer the job providing me more vacation time. My reasons are as following.% P8 N6 m7 ~+
To begin with, as our economy developing, the working pressure and difficulty become more and more fierce. Hence, vacation time plays a very crucial role in our daily life. It is universally acknowledged that working is a part of our life. Even though some people believe that the only goal of their life is working, it is certain that they cannot constantly work, because anyone (everyone) needs entertainment and sleep to refresh their energy. If employees cannot possess enough time to rest, it is hard for them to concentrate on their working tasks. According to a survey by University of Virginia, some professors and experts point out that 70% workers in United States of American who are(paid) high salary and(have) less vacation time admit that they cannot focus on their jobs when they struggle with difficult tasks. So, enough vacation is vital for any(every,否定句中才用any) employee to enjoy. Actually, vacation time not only bring entertainment and sleep which help employees release their working pressure, but also give people's family pleasure and happiness. For example, my father was a manager who had high salary and less vacation time in a trade company. My father was so busy that he could not have sufficient time to accompany my mother and me. After my father was transferred to the job which can provide him a host of vacation time, now my father takes advantage of the vacation time to go to the camp and have dinner with my mother and me. We all feel happy and pleasant. Therefore, vacation time cannot be diminished in our daily life. + g1 a& Y9 O* }
In addition, some people believe that high salaries provide us a better life, but, if people do not have enough time, how do they spent these money on enjoying their happy life? Do not mention some pleasure which people cannot purchase such as family's happiness which I just mention above. As we all know, everyone desires to have a happy life. When employees have the job which is high salary and less vacation time, they should invest most of their time on their positions. Since those employees do not have sufficient vacation time, the money just is a number for them. As a matter of fact, Money is irrelevant with happy life. For instance, Chile is a poor country, but Chile people are satisfied with their currently life.
To sum up, based on what I have mentioned, I deem I(deem I 改为will) choose the job providing me more vacation time rather than the job which give me high salary and less vacation time.

文章结构清楚，内容充实，学习啦！
很少的语法错误！
句型有变化！

canoe03UID: 2786666

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about whose effect is more important. Some people hold the view that the influence from classmates is more important than that from the parents, but I disagree with those people(people’s) opinion. I believe that parents' influence is more important than classmates' influence(this word can be deleted).

To begin with, when children were born, their parents usually accompany with them. Everyone's parents teach us(he/she) how to walk, eat and speak. In other words, it is certain for every people to be affected by parents's(parents’) behaviors and customs. For example, when I was four, I always saw my father to play(playing) basketball. Now playing basketball is my favour(favorite) sport, because my father and I played basketball together since I was five. If my father had not played basketball for a long time, I would(would not) have been a basketball player in our basketball(this word could be deleted) team. Since the influence from my father's habit is so huge that my father's habit also is my habit, I believe that the influence from parents is more crucial for our life.

In addition, the time when children live with their parents is more and more than the time when children study with their classmates, because children usually have a host of classmates. After children finish their studies, most of classmates are not keeping touch with each other. For instance, I had finished my college last year, but just few classmates still connected with me.

To sum up, based on what I have mentioned, I deem that the influence from classmates is more important than that from the parents.(晕死，这和开头的说法完全相反！)

此文有诸多小错误相信楼主不是有意为之，文章的字数少了点。第三段论证比较弱。虽说很难写，我想还是要努力编出些来，否则考试的时候怎么办呢？

chrysoidineUID: 2731906

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about whose effect is more important. Some people hold the view that the influence from classmates is more important than that from the parents, but I disagree with those people(’s) opinion. I believe that parents' influence is more important than classmates' influence.


To begin with, when children were born, their parents usually accompany with them. Everyone's parents teach us how to walk, eat and speak.(Parents teach us how to walk, eat and speak.) In other words, it is certain for every people to be affected by parents's(parents’) behaviors and customs.(it is certain that everyone would be affected by his parents’ behaviors and customs) For example, When I was four, I always saw my father to(去掉，see sb. do/doing sth.) play basketball. Now playing basekball（bastketball） is my favour(favorite) sport, because my father and I played basketball together since I was five. If my father had not played basketball (with me) for a long time, I would (not) have been a basketball player in our basketball team. Since the influence from my father's habit is so huge (that,感觉断成两句比较好，因为since引导因果从句，) my father's habit also is my habit, (.)I believe that the influence from parents is more crucial for our life.


In addition, the time when children live with their parents is more (and more去掉)than the time when children(children) study with their classmates, because children usually have a host of classmates. Afer(After) children finish their studies, most of classmates are not keeping (in) touch with each other. For instance, I had(去掉) finished my college last year, but just few classmates still connected with me.

To sum up, based on what I have mentioned, I deem that The influence from classmates is more important than that from the parents.(看来真多了)
中间可能出现一些手误，向楼上说的三个论点的确会更好一点，不过上面结构看起来还是非常清楚，有example和details，希望楼主再接再厉，查漏补缺，不断进步！

小羽暮雪UID: 2837865

Nowdays(Nowadays), there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about whether it is crucial to know the event happening around the world which do not affect our daily life. I disagree with the statement, holding the view that the event which is related with our daily life should be more important for us to concern. My reasons are as following. (as follows)

To begin with, every people has limited time and energy in one day, while events happening around the world is various and many. Hence, it is impossible for anyone to know what happening around the world in time. （这句感觉有点绝对，可能你是想表达了解世界上发生的所有事是不可能的）Even though somebody is interested in gaining the news about what happening around the world, he cannot spent his all day time （可删去）on knowing what happening around the world, because all of people needs sleep, diets and working. Furthermore, it is no reasons and necessity for people to know those meaningless information, in that those information has nothing to do with our daily life. For example, I never concerned foreign news, because I deem that even if I realize what happening in other countries such as war, flood or earthquake, I cannot do anything to prevent war happening, to build the dam or relieve those people's pain. There is no need for us to know the event what happening around the world which does not affect your daily life.

In addition, to solve our daily life's problems, it is certain for us to collect the imformation（拼写错误） which is correlated with our daily life. With development of our economy and teachnology（拼写错误）, our life and working has been depended on the imformation. So, it is no doubt that the event which is related with our daily life plays very vital role in our life. For instance, my father is a stock trader. Once, my father told me that the only way to promote his achievement is to gain the newest event immediately, because the event happening around the world can bring some influence on stock market. If my father could not know the event, my father would not forecast his stock, which is very dangous to my father's acheveivement.
all in all, based on what I have mentioned, I do not agree with the statement that it is important to know the event happening around the world that not affect your daily life.

可能你写的比较仓促，文中有一些拼写错误，可以注意一下，然后我个人认为第三段的例证让人有些迷惑，你的论点是没必要特别关注和我们日常生活无关的事件，但你又举出你父亲的例子表明关注世界上发生的事件对你父亲的职业有所帮助。也许你可以换一个更明确的例子，保持文段的一致性。个人建议，仅供参考：）

KeeeeenWUID: 2592937

Nowdays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about whether it is crucial to know the event happening around the world which do not affect our daily life. I disagree with the statement, holding the view that the event which is related with our daily life should be more important for us to concern. My reasons are as following.

To begin with, every people has limited time and energy in one day, while events happening around the world is various (and many)重复了. Hence, it is impossible for anyone to know what happening around the world in time. Even though somebody is interested in gaining the news about what happening around the world, he cannot spent his all day time （on knowing what happening around the world）to obtain it, becuase all (of) people needs(need) sleep, diets and working. Furthermore, it is no reasons and necessity for people to know those meaningless information, in that those information has nothing to do with our daily life. For example, I never concerned foreign news, because I deem that even if I realize what happening in other countries such as war, flood or earthquake, I cannot do anything to prevent war happening, to build the dam or relieve those people's pain. There is no need for us to know the event what happening around the world which does not affect your daily life.

In addition, to solve our daily life's problems, it is certain for us to collect the imformation which is correlated with our daily life. With development of our economy and teachnology, our life and working has been depended on the imformation. So, it is no doubt that the event which is related with our daily life plays very vital role in our life. For instance, my father is a stock trader. Once, my father told me that the only way to promote his achievement is to gain the newest and (the most releavent) event immediately, because the event happening around the world can bring some influence on stock market. If my father couldnot know the event, my father would not forecast his stock, which is very dangous to my father's acheveivement.

All in all, (In Conclusion?) based on what I have mentioned, I do not agree with the statement that it is important to know the event happening around the world that not affect your daily life.

我觉得例子很好，注意一些搭配和主谓关系，可能是打的时候有点晕。我觉得父亲的例子其实不错，但是你要突出父亲抓住的是有关的信息，忽略了无关的信息，这样才预测了准确的结果。我记得我以前读过一篇侦探的文章，就讲的办案要忽略到一切无关的东西，因为很多谜团都是凶手加入了无关的东西而造成的假象。

小羽暮雪UID: 2837865

Nowadays, there is a heated discussion with sharply soaring volume about the success. Some people hold the view that the success is important. However, I deem that it is more crucial to remain happy and optimistic. My reasons are as following.9 \! T) o+ ~  n- S

To begin with, happy and optimistic is a kind of positive spirit which plays very vital role in every people's daily life. According to a survey by Virginia University, some professors and experts find that possess a positive mood can keep people health. Comparing with the success, it is certain that people's health is more important, because health is the requirement for people to gain success. Hence, no matter how important the success is, how is（to） keep healthy, in other words,  to possessing（possess） a positive mood is more important than the success. In some people's view, peaceful life is the most important(也许换下语序会更通顺), so they can keep happy and optimistic on any conditions whether they obtain the success. All in all, the necessary element in our life is health rather than the success.
（有一点小疑问，health和拥有乐观的精神是等同的吗？貌似health的涵盖面更大一些哈）
In addition, when we encounter failure in the road of pursuing our success, nothing is more important than remaining happy and optimistic. Just like an old saying that the failure（这里好像缺了几个词哈） For example, when Edison who was one of the greatest inventors in the world desired to find a suitable material to be filament, he tried thousands of different materials. During the period Edison failed for hundreds of times, but he always kept optimistic attitude to confront with those failure. Finally, he picked out the suitable material to invent filament. If Edison had not remained happy and optimistic, he would not have continued to seek new material when he had failed for many times. From the instance, since optimistic spirit can bring people power to persist （persist做坚持的意思是不及物单词，也许改成persist in making efforts）until they successes, remaining happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than the success.
To sum up, based on what I mentioned, I deem it is more important to remain happy and optimistic.
第二段的论证我感觉稍稍有点偏题，本文要论证的是乐观精神和成功哪个更重要。第三段的例子不错，提供了足够的细节。同时，我觉得结论可以更充实一些。加油加油！