作文本1.21更新到今天！(低落)

yuminjiaUID: 2659628

48# jbc88
Anyone desires to be successful, so some people regard that success is important. But, it is certain that we will encounter failure in progress of pursuing success. Some people hold that that we should remaining happy and optimistic is （这句有2个动词了）important when we fail. In my prospective, I deem that（I deem that和 In my prospective 重复了）keeping happy and optimistic when we fail is more important. My reasons are as follow.1 \

' A# j' B) h: Z# W5 Z+ k2 gInitially, success is not easy to reach, so most of us must(这个词太绝对了) be failing. It is normal that we cannot finish our jobs or failed to do tasks. These are a part of our life just like an old saying "no pain, no gain". Thus, if we want to be get success, we should confront with failure. When one person who holds that success is important faced comparing
with failure, he must be very empty and reckons that this is a huge lost for him, causing him unhappy. For example, Richard, my friend, is the student who views his marks as his treasury. He often told me:" Our only goal is getting A on each subject. That is only standard to measure success for us." Once, he got a D in his math exam, and then, he always was very unpleasant and did not talk with anyone including me. Later, he dropped his all class and left school. Every times I remind him, I think that he would have a happy life if he had not deemed that success is the most important.  {+

# Y9 v& y/ E1 ]  E: RActually, remaining happy and optimistic is the most important rather than success. What Richard does not understand is that even though his marks were not A which is not successful for him, he still can have a pleasant life. Look for other successful people. They usually have a positive attitude in their life. For instance, my father who is one of best managers in China told me that his key to getting success is remaining positive mood and keeping trying different careers. In other words, when we have a fair and peaceful mood toward our problem which maybe brings failure to us, we will not be far from the success. That means that a positive mood will render success to you.; o) P# d8 f3 y& G' m! r- S7 ?. ?2 N
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In addition, if one people is always thinking how to get success, he will not have a optimistic mood. Thus, he may be sick and cannot enjoy the happiness which the success brings to him. I believe this is meaningless. So remaining happy and optimistic is more important than success.

语法：LZ有个别句子都有2个谓语出现。这个错误要避免
句子能够写的更简洁；少说废话， 用词更加准确（我也是这个毛病！）
结构：第一个分论点说追求成功会导致心理变态（大概就这个意思吧）；第2个分论点说要保持乐观的情绪；第3个论点说一味追求成功会导致体会不到成功带来的乐趣 结构上还是清晰的 但是语句太罗嗦就会把论点模糊掉。。
为什么没有结尾段啊？

个人意见 供参考哦！

shirley072UID: 2712200

Anyone desires to be successful, so some people regard that success is important. But, it is certain that we will encounter failure in progress of pursuing success. Some people hold that that we should remain happy and optimistic（这里的that充当is的主语么，但是两个that连着写就很奇怪呢）is important when we fail. In my prospective, I deem that keeping happy and optimistic when we fail is more important. My reasons are as follow.

nitially, success is not easy to reach, so most of us must be failing. It is normal that we cannot finish our jobs or failed to do tasks. These are a part of our life just like an old saying "no pain, no gain". Thus, if we want to be get success, we should confront with failure. When one person who holds that success is important faced（compared）with failure, he must be very empty and reckons that this（指的哪里？）is a huge lost for him, causing him unhappy. For example, Richard, my friend, is the student who views his marks as his treasury. He often told me:" Our（my）only goal is getting A on each subject. That is only standard to measure success for us（me）." Once, he got a D in his math exam, and then, he always was very unpleasant and did not talk with anyone including me. Later, he dropped his all class and left school. Every times I remind him, I think that he would have a happy life if he had not deemed that success is the most important thing in his life.5 B( T- o& J# E- O

Actually, remaining happy and optimistic is the most important rather than（混乱，most than？）success. What Richard does not understand is that even though his marks were not A which is not successful for him（which means nothing to him）, he still can have a pleasant life. Look for other successful people. They usually have a positive attitude in their life. For instance, my father who is one of best manager in China told me that his key to getting success（his secret of success）is remain positive mood and keep try different careers. In other word, when we have a fair and peaceful mood toward our problem which maybe brings failure to us, we will not far from the success. That（it）means that a positive mood will render success to you.

In addition, if one people（one person）is always thinking how to get success, he will not have a optimistic mood. Thus, he may be sick and cannot enjoy the happiness which the success brings to him. I believe this is meaningless. So remaining happy and optimistic is more important than success.

我也觉得这个题目是被人理解后改过的。感觉这两者并不存在很严格的那种对立关系。
似乎是第二段是想强调如果把成功看得太重会有什么后果，但是文章的的题目貌似还加进了态度的对比，但是第二段就没有一个对比的论证。而第三段就直接写成功的秘诀是好的态度
我总体觉得结构不清晰。特别通过那个引用的例子来衔接，感觉第二段在说例子的前半部分，第三段就在说后半部分，就像是在记录一件事情一样，没有论证的感觉

miggerUID: 2276392

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Being creative, rather than planning carefully, will come up with best solution to a problem./ F2 T) G! W8 \; n6 s6 c. X4 D+ M



Nowadays, there is a heated debate about how to make the best solution to a problem. Some people hold that being creative is （加the）best way to solve a problem, while some (是不是换成other) people regard that planning carefully is （加a）better approach to deal with a problem. In my perspective, I deem that both (,) being creative and planning carefully (,) play equally crucial role to come up with best solution to a problem. That is the reason why I disagree with the statement that being creative, rather than planning carefully, will come up with best solution to a problem. (开题立意，中立的观点有利于后面的论述，很好)

To beginning with, being creative is the first important step to cope with a problem. Every time when I encounter a problem, I will consider how to deal with initially. Likewise, we human being instantly make a host of inventions and find lots of rules of nature (直接写成nature rules) to solve our problems in human history. For example, Edison invented electricity lamp, which bring us（us 删去，更简洁些） light to our night life. If our society did not have the creative people like Edison, our society would become dark whatever in life or in spirit. Even now, thousands of scientists are thinking many new ideas to cope with problems which our society brings in progress of developing.（which 后面直接改成society development brings 更简洁些） We should view （用view这个动词不太好，是不是改成we have to admit that 或者It is widely recognized that） that our society will chaos(chaos 貌似是名词，应改成 will definitely be in chaos) without those creative scientists, because our new problems which cannot be solved by pattern way （好像没有使用pattern way这样的短语的，你可以写conventional or routine way 都可以 ） are increasing such as nuclear weapon and germ (基因本身并不是什么问题，只是一种客观的存在，应写基因医疗中的一些问题啊，基因库的建立啊，转基因作物中的问题啊什么的).1 D, B* |7 t. D' N* B- s

In addition, planning carefully is a following step after we realized how to overcome the problem. When some inventors come to the world（这句的意思我不是很明白，是说发明被提出吧，那应该用invention）, what many workers should do is （加to）plan a schedule to produce. For instance, my father is a（an） excellent mangers. He once told me that according （加to） design, he must arrange everything like time, labor and fund properly. If he makes a subtle mistake, the entire work will be collapsed. So he always considers planning carefully is the real solution for any problems.

In sum, only we try our best to do two factors which I mention above, we can find a way to deal with a problem. The idea that we realize what we should do at first, which means being creative and then arrange how to do, which means planning carefully can point out a really correct direction to get the key for our problem.

没啥说的，文章写的很好，除了一些语句的小毛病，我觉得这类的题目就比较适合写中立，本来就不是很对立的两个观点，学习了。

ivybettyUID: 2328308

Should people pay to the public transportation? This is a heated topic in my family. My father who usually drives his car to work hold that people should not pay to public transportation, while my mother who is a domestic engineer regard the contrary view that people should pay to public transportation. In my prospective, I agree with my mother's suggestion. My reasons are as follow.看完这段不尽有点疑惑:爸爸自己开车支持不给公共交通钱和妈妈使国内工程师支持给公共交通前有什么逻辑关系?还要看下文lz同学是否对此的铺垫有解释了。

Initially, public transportation renders（学习了） a host of people benefits（renders a host of  benefits to people?）. On the hand, like most of people must commute between home and working place by public bus or subway. If we do not fund public transportation, our life will be chaos, causing our society to be disorder and our economic development to be stunned.（有没有具体的例子？）  On the other hand, our national transportation is depended on public transportation. According a survey of Virginia University, 85% national good transportation is de（？） by public transportation such as trains and planes. Once we stop to give money to these services, the entire national transportation system will totally be collapsed. Please consider the outcome of no trains or planes! I believe that most people will hold the same view with me that public transportation is the blood veins of our nation and play an irreplaceable role in our daily life.

But some rich people have their own private cars like my father. My father told me that he has no any relationship with public transportation.(是否加一句：that is why my dad would like to pay for private car instead of transportion?会帮助读者更好的理解你的观点？) Actually he is wrong, because except that view about taxes, which I have mentioned above, the gas which is come(coming?) from their cars pollutes our environment. When everyone has our own car must be the time when we cannot see our clean and blue sky. To protect our environment, we should take our money into public transportation rather than private cars.$ w( S

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In addition, public transportation is public welfare, No body or government can divest our rights of obtaining welfare. Since public welfare is supported by our taxes, we should pay to public transportation. Even though somebody is not willing to pay it, the cost of public transportation has been paid by his taxes. So there is certain that you should pay to the public transportation.7 d% a+ n9 O( R- i/ D4 z

In sum, like what I have said, I hardly agree with the statement that people should not pay to the public transportation. We must insist to pay to the public transportation.
看了全文了解了爸爸为什么不支持给公共交通付钱，但是为妈妈做的铺垫到最后也没有看到。
观点明确。但在逻辑上还要多花点时间，加油！

另外，我的作业在20楼 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;page=2&extra=

eddie23508okUID: 2281260

2.9 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should not pay to the public transportation.

Should people pay to the public transportation? This is a heated topic in my family. My father who usually drives his car to work hold (holds) that people should not pay to public transportation, while my mother who is a domestic engineer regard (regards) the contrary view that people should pay to public transportation. In my prospective, I agree with my mother's suggestion. My reasons are as follow. (创意新颖，以自己家情况作为陈述对象，观点鲜明)

Initially, public transportation renders a host of people benefits. On the （one）hand, like most of people must commute between home and working place by public bus or subway. If we do not fund public transportation, our life will be (in) chaos, causing our society to be disorder (disordered) and our economic development to be stunned.  On the other hand, our national transportation is depended (depends) on public transportation. According a survey of Virginia University, 85% national good transportation is de (?) by public transportation such as trains and planes. Once we stop to give (stop to do 意思是停止一件事，去做另一件事；stop doing意思是停止做某事) money to these services, the entire national transportation system will totally be collapsed (collapse). Please consider the outcome of no trains or planes! I believe that most people will hold the same view with me that public transportation is the blood veins of our nation and play an irreplaceable role in our daily life. But some rich people have their own private cars like my father. My father told me that he has no any relationship with public transportation. Actually he is wrong, because except that view about taxes, which I have mentioned above, the gas which is come (comes) from their cars pollutes our environment. When everyone has our own car must be the time when we cannot see our clean and blue sky (not even a sentence). To protect our environment, we should take our money into public transportation rather than private cars.

In addition, public transportation is public welfare, No body or government can divest our right of obtaining welfare. Since public welfare is supported by our taxes, we should pay to public transportation. Even though somebody is not willing to pay it, the cost of public transportation has been paid by his taxes. So there is certain that you should pay to the public transportation. (不是在第一段说过了吗？内容重复)

In sum, like what I have said, I hardly agree with the statement that people should not pay to the public transportation. We must insist to pay to the public transportation.

陈述语言与逻辑需要加强，另外语法错误出现得比较多，很多词的用法都不是很确定。加油！
PS：无论作者自己是什么观点（平行还是一边倒），都不重要，看了OG之后就知道，上面说了不需要担心自己的观点会否被考官同意，因为作文的重点在于考察考生的语言运用能力，以及对问题的陈述水平，只要语言运用得当，能自圆其说，都没有问题！

duck2010UID: 2757376

Nowadays, as our society develops, most of (删掉of)families have not have （had）meals together any more instead of go to fast food shops（instead of 貌似弄过了）. There is a heated debate about that phenomenon. Some people hold that it is meaningless for families to regularly eat their meals together, while some people like me regard that eating meals with families together plays a crucial role in our daily life. Since I have the opinion, I hardly agree with the statement that it is important for families to regularly eat their meals together. My reasons are （are listed。。。）as follow.2 l( p3 I+ M0 A

Initially, eating meals together will give us lots of benefits. According to a survey of Virginia University, scientists and professors make a report that 70% American families numbers' relationships are nervous because they have not time to eat meals with other families members, which can illustrates that what result will be without eating with families members. It is no doubt that families should have their meals together. Thus, family life would be more harmony（这个词是名词吧）. As we all know, every persons has suffered too much working pressure and studying competition in modern life, so the time when family members are sitting around the table and then enjoy meals is an excellent chance to communicate with each other and release our unhappiness. If we eat our meal by ourselves, in other words, we lost the opportunity to relax our mind, we will lost our mental home（精神家园？你确定美国人也有这种表达？）, causing our life quality to decrease.   B( {- q+ C: j* c* L6 R& t2 g5 h

In addition, no having meals with families will render us a host of harmful effect. We maybe go to fast food shops when we do not have meals together. First, fast food is not health food for us because it has too much sugars and fat, which will cause us a train of diseases. Second, fast food makes our life become working. We just like a money- making machine and fast food is a kind of "oil" for us. When we are feed by "oil", we should immediately go to working again. By this way our life will become a part of automatic system with those machines.

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In sum, just like what I mention above, I disagree with the statement. Please give more time on eating their meals together, then you will surprised to find the gift or real meaning of our life.（我总觉得托福作文里面应该尽量少用第二人称you。个人建议。）


楼主的文章写得很不错。句子很流畅，且词汇丰富，同时描述也较为生动。
值得建议的是，楼主还需注意措辞造句，更加符合英语习惯。
加油！

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

Nowadays, as our society develops, our technology and science knowledge are increasing（不够地道的表述）. So there is a heated debate, with sharply risen volume, about that whether students will not use printed books anymore after 20 years.（我觉得这里的SO来的太突然了） Most people hold that reading book is a part of our life, so printed book is impossible to disappear. I hardly agree with their opinion. Here is（are） reasons why I deem that students will not use printed books anymore in 20 years from now on.
虽然提出了自己的观点，但感觉不够突出强调自己的观点。第一句的原因，我觉得有点牵强，不如说科技发展了，有很多的电子书之类的出现在了我们的生活中。

Initially, we have many alternative devises（v.） to printed books. For example, Apple company has invented a devise(..) called ipad which has (a) fiction that combines phone and(with) ipod. Just like（just as） a manager in Apple company said that it is not necessary for the customers who have bought ipad to read printed book. Actually, except ipad, there are computers, kindles(kindling) which are (多余了吧)ebooks made by Amazon company. Thus, we have a host of choices to read them rather than printed book. According (to)a survey made by Virginia University, some professors and scientists report that 52% college students in American have take(taken) advantage of online course or email to finish their homework , paper even discussion. In other words, now nearly half of American college students have not used traditional printed books anymore.（可以再加一句，越来越多的地方开始使用ebooks了，强调下使用的广泛程度）In this case, why do we still have reasons to believe that all students will use printed books anymore in 20 years from now on?  

In addition, traditional printed books have too many drawbacks, while our computers or ipad have too many benefits. First, printed books are expensive.(这里最好说下though the computer seems much more expensive than printed, however…) For instance, a college student will need about 40 books in four-years college life and one textbook costs 80$ in American. However, if he buys one computer, although a computer's price is 3000$, he can deal with all problems about books, because he can download unlimited books. Second, computers is very convenient, like some students bring many printed book in the exam, but some students just carry one computer by hand, even he can finish his exam online.(这是开卷考试啊？) Just like what I have mentioned about comparison between printed books and computer, then we should understand printed book will (be )abandoned by students in due to(due to 就够了,不用in) printed books' drawbacks.(the ..of ..better!) 我觉得对convenient的阐释不够到位。开头说的是many benefits,但文章里只有两个，或者可以再随便概括的说几个benefits.

In sum, I reckon the statement that students will not use printed books anymore in 20 years from now on is totally correct. It illustrates our educational future(不地道啊) and I believe that printed books will complete their historical meaning and be placed in museums for people to realize the past education.这段读着还是有点不地道，感觉是翻译出来的。

文章的例子和观点还是比较相关的，但对例子的表述上最好再精彩通顺些。
有些语句不太地道，很chinglish的感觉呢，多斟酌下。

tomatooUID: 2754865

Nowadays, as our（换成the，后面还有一个，避免重复） society develops, our technology and science knowledge are increasing. So there is a heated debate, with sharply risen volume, about that whether students will not(不要) use printed books anymore（不要,+or not） after 20 years. Most people hold that reading book is a part of our life, so printed book is impossible to disappear. I hardly agree with their opinion. Here is(are the)reasons why I deem that students will not use printed books anymore in 20 years from now on.! O8 l% u0 `8 ], p# m. h

Initially, we have many alternative devises（动词来的） to(instead of) printed books. For example, Apple company has invented a devise（同上） called ipad which has fiction that (这个that后面不是一个句子啊)combines phone and ipod. Just like a manager in Apple company said that（不要，用，号） it is not necessary for the customers who have bought ipad to read printed book. Actually, except ipad, there are computers, kindles which are ebooks made by Amazon company. Thus, we have a host of choices to read them rather than printed book. According a survey made by Virginia University, some professors and scientists report that 52% college students in American have taken advantage of online course or email to finish their homeworks , papers even discussion. In other words, now nearly half of American college students have not used traditional printed books anymore. In this case, why do we still have reasons to believe(chinglish) that all students will use printed books anymore in 20 years from now on?  # O( r

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In addition, traditional printed books have too many drawbacks, while our computers or ipad have too many benefits. First, printed books are expensive. For instance, a college student will need about 40 books in four-years college life and one textbook costs 80$ in American. However, if he buys one computer, although a computer's price is 3000$, he can deal with all problems about books, because he can download unlimited books(有版权问题哦，他们特重视这个，所以这边很少能下到free的书和电影，都是chargeable的，除了在学校的图书馆). Second, computers is（are） very convenient, like some students bring many printed book in the exam, but some students just carry one computer by hand, even he can finish his exam online(这句话实际是四句话，可以分开写，也可以合起来写，但这里用的连词like, even都不合适). Just like what I have mentioned about comparison between printed books and computer（不要，用above代替）, then（不要） we should（could, should语气太硬，这里不合适） understand printed book will （be）abandoned by students in due to(due to) print books' drawbacks./ Y" o- e; t! j4 K) f9 L9 h

In sum, I reckon the statement that students will not use printed books anymore in 20 years from now on is totally correct. It illustrates our educational future and I believe that printed books will complete their historical meaning and be placed in museums for people to realize the past education(最后一段我和amanda同感，呵呵！).

文章的结构很赞！
细节非常的好，每个点都很充实！
遣词造句方面还需多加努力！
如果这个也OK了，那就无敌了。呵呵！

奇流沙UID: 2698749

2.12 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than to save money for the future.

Some people asked me how to distribute our income. I admitted it is a controversial question. Nowadays, it also is a heated topic with sharply risen volume. Some people hold that we should spend money on traveling and vacation while some people regard that we should save money for the future. As far as I can see, we should equally spend on both vacation and the future. Here are my reasons.（中立态度啊~）
Initially, traveling and vacation are a part of our life. No matter what happen(是不是用will happen， happened， is happening 读起来顺口点?) we always need these kinds of entertainments. As our society develops, our working pressure and competitions will be increase. If we cannot properly arrange our life between working and relaxing, in other words, we do not take advantage of our vacation to release our pressure, we will lose our energy and stamina(嗯，好词), causing us be fired or failed. For instance, though every time Richard, my brother, cannot get an excellent mark when we had exams,
he always (is) focuses on his studying. One day, our teacher arranged us go to camp and then we were exciting except Richard, because he knew that his mother must be order(have ordered这么一用是不是有虚拟口气？呃，请斟酌~) him not to go with us. When our teacher heard the reasons why Richard do(did) not go to camp, she asked Richard's mother to let Richard come with us. Finally, his mother agreed our teacher's opinion. After we came back from camp, we took an exam again. Then, Richard got 100 in his math. Richard told me the reason why he can get 100 in math is that it is first time in his life to enjoy his vacation. If I do not know Richard’s experience, it is impossible for me to realize how crucial vacation is.
这一段我觉得很好了, 但是仍然想鸡蛋里挑骨头。要是例子的叙述再简练一点，我觉得会更好。
In addition, it is necessary that we should（和necessary意思好像重复鸟） save some money for our future. For example, there(it) is very common that every family take extra fund to deposit in bank. Why do we take these actions?(这一句是不是想说：我们为什么要这么做？呃，用其他童鞋评价我作文的话讲，就是有点chinglish) First, we indeed should save money to make sure that the situation that we are short of fund will not (be) happen such as family sickness or children’s tuition. Second, we need to have a habit of saving to educate our children not to be luxurious, just like my grandmother taught me that the only way to be rich is saving money.(这个，经过我宿舍内部讨论总结得出，想致富，不仅要截流还要开源(*^__^*) ……)# s, P5 E2 [5 o& M
In sum, since traveling and the future are important, I assert that we should equally spend on both vacation and the future like my family.
我的想法：呃，文章的题目是你认为花钱在旅游上好还是存钱好，不是有一笔钱你觉得应该投资给旅游还是存起来好。童鞋你的写作用于后者的话就很好了。
其实我也是废柴一枚，意见听听就好，请斟酌~~O(∩_∩)O~