作文本1.21更新到今天！(低落)

arlenezxyUID: 2487145

Nowadays, as our society developing (the development of our society), the movies and televisions have become more and more popular. There is a heat debate about the movies and television's effect. Some young people who like to watch TV and movies hold that the movies and television have more positive effect than negative effect , while other young people regard that he movies and television have more negative effect than positive effect. In my prospective, since the movies and television have positive or negative effect on young people, we should watch TV and movies on limited time. ( it's an arbitrary conclusion since if the negative effects surpass the positive one,limiting the time is useless )So I disagree with that the movies and television have more negative effect than positive effect on the young people. My reasons are as follow
Initially, the movies and television have positive effect on the young people. The movies and television render us the information which we care about. Thus, it helps us to realize the world by this easy mean rather than our painstaking experience. Some programs on television also give us knowledge and skills which can let us live better. These programs such as cooking are playing very crucial role in our young people who born and raised under our parents’ careful protection. The movies take a host of exciting or classic story to us. We even take advantage of online education which is preformed on TV to learn much knowledge so that help ourselves to study.
In addition, the movies and television have negative effect on the young people. For example, my brother Tim is a coach(couch) potato. He always is(is always) watching TV and having chips all day. I think his behaviors will bring him more fat and increase his degrees of his glasses. So we should limit our watching-TV time. After all, instantly (you want to say "consistently"?) watching TV and the movies makes our eye tired and nervous. I was heard a news said that according Virginia University's survey, 50% students watch 5 hours TV per day in American, and some experts predict Every family will pay 10000$ on their eye healthy problems caused by watching too much TV and the movies. (wow, is it real? haha, good example!)

In sum, the movies and television is a great media and it serves people well, but watching too much TV damage our health. Consequently, considering the movies and television's negative and positive effect, we should watch TV and movies on limited time.


Based on  your whole essay, your point of view is to support neither of the arguments raised from the topic, but to offer a solution of control the TV time. That's a good point of view, however, you should put it more clearly at the beginning and then discuss it separately with the coherence in each of your follow paragraph. Actually, you just explain the effectiveness of good and bad separately without comparison or contact.
the shinning point is your detailed examples.
Really a good job! keep going

shirley072UID: 2712200

Nowadays, as our society developing（develops）, traveling is（becomes a common way of entertainment） a common entertainment. There is a heat debate on traveling (debate的应该不是旅游本身吧，感觉这样说不通). Which means is（两个谓语？再说which means怎么引导了一个问句） the best way to travel between in a group by tourist guide or by ourselves? Some advocates support that the best way to travel is being in a group led by a tourist guide, while some opponents hold that traveling by ourselves is the best way. In my perspective, according to everyone's different situation, then we decide which is the best method（which way is best depends on…）.  L# d! {1 R. |1 A, ^6 T& a8 i* Z

Initially, traveling in a group led by a tourist guide is a better choice for the tourists who want to save troubles, because the guide arranges schedule and you just relax and enjoy the pleasure of traveling. Like most of family, they like traveling in a group led by a tourist guide. Since the parents is always obsessed with their jobs and tasks; and the children constantly put all energy on their study, it is no time for them to plan travel. So traveling in a group led by a tourist guide is very suitable for them. But this way of traveling also has drawbacks that it cannot satisfy customers such as (such as后面不要跟句子吧) it will cost the amount of money and the tide schedule （cost后面两个并列的不合适，cost money没有问题，但是不能说cost schedule） which maybe is not your favor. Then we have another mean（mean在这里是什么意思，means是方法，途径的意思） of traveling.8 I, S4 V: A9 X; ]+ w! }2 K# I
That is traveling by ourselves. It is very popular in（be popular with/among，但是不能用in） students because it（traveling alone）costs less money and more flexible schedule (同样是使用并列结构的时候要注意，cost money，但是不是cost schedule), compared with traveling in a group led by a tourist guide. Since students have a host of free time, they can plan and make a perfect route which is cheapest. They can take advantage of summer break which is the time when most people are working to escape traffic jam （这个更像是接在most people are working的后面）. Like me, when I was a college student, I went to travel at every time of summer break（I would like to travel in summer break）. I never encountered traffic jam or many (crowded ) people. For the most crucial point, the cost of traveling by myself is half cost of traveling in a group led by a tourist guide.

In sum, I cannot agree the statement that the best way to travel is being in a group led by a tourist guide, because I believe that everyone has right to choose either traveling by ourselves or traveling in a group led by a tourist guide due to everyone should confront with different their demands.

我对这个平衡观点的写法木研究呢，不过感觉应该把两个方面分成两个大段来阐述，比如说楼主的第二段后面我觉得就应该归到第三度去过渡，这样转折的意味更明显
其次要注意语法和用词呢

duck2010UID: 2757376

Nowadays, as our society developing(develops), traveling is a common entertainment. There is a heat debate on traveling. Which means is the best way to travel between in a group by tourist guide or by ourselves?(这句话表达略有别扭，可以考虑换个说法，且可以作为一个从句和前一个句子连接起来) Some advocates support that the best way to travel is being in a group led by a tourist guide, while some opponents hold that traveling by ourselves is the best way. In my perspective, according everyone's different situation, then we decide which is the best method.（这种说法似乎略有不妥，建议修改。the choice is made, according to people's unique intrests）+

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Initially, traveling in a group led by a tourist guide is better choice for the tourists who want to save troubles, because the guide arranges schedule and you just relax and enjoy the pleasure of traveling.（句子的人称有点混乱，建议统一成第三人称，不要用you） Like most of family, they like traveling in a group led by a tourist guide. Since the parents is always obsessed with their jobs and tasks; and the children constantly put all energy on their study, it(用there可能更好一点) is no time for them to plan travel. So(建议换成"thus, ") traveling in a group led by a tourist guide is very suitable for them. But this way of traveling also has drawbacks that it cannot satisfy customers such as it will cost the amount of money and the tide （tight？）schedule which maybe is not your favor.建议将这个长句子拆开，至少分成几个短句子，使得阅读起来逻辑更清晰） Then we have another mean of traveling.3

That is traveling by ourselves. It is very popular in students because it cost less money and more flexible schedule, compared with traveling in a group led by a tourist guide. Since students have a host of free time, they can plan and make a perfect route which is cheapest. They can take advantage of summer break which is the time when most people are working to escape traffic jam. Like me, when I was a college student, I went to travel at every time of summer break. I never encountered traffic jam or many people. For the most crucial point, the cost of traveling by myself is half cost of traveling in a group led by a tourist guide. （这一段写得很好！）

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In sum, I cannot agree （agree with）the statement that the best way to travel is being in a group led by a tourist guide, because I believe that everyone has right to choose either traveling by ourselves or traveling in a group led by a tourist guide due to everyone should confront with different their demands.（一眼读过来，读者会认为这句话的重点在于“每个人都有权利。。。”建议修改。而且，这个句子过长，逻辑不够清晰。）


这篇文章内容很充实，论证很严密，用词变化也很丰富，写得很不错。
这样的好文章，相信你肯定花了长时间去认真构思写作。赞一个！
以我一战的经验，作者再注意一下一些细节，再细心点，拿27+的分数如探囊取物。加油！
另外，写作超时是大家都面临的问题。我在一战前从来没有在规定时间写完了作文，写得最快的那一次也花了37分钟。但是，在我考试的时候，我花了27分钟就写完了。在考场上，大脑转速飞快，每个人都会超常发挥。这点你不用担心。

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

我用word修改的，你下载来看吧！:loveliness: jbc88的修改.doc (25.5 KB, 下载次数: 5)

2010-2-4 11:19:18 上传

下载次数: 5

zhengping001UID: 2689322

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People will feel happier when they finish a challenging or difficult work than they finish an easy work.


Will people feel happier when they finish a challenging or difficult work than they finish an easy work? Nowadays, there is a heat debate on the problem. Some advocates regard that people will feel happier when they finish a challenging or difficult work, while, some opponents hold that people will feel happier when they finish an easy work. In my perspective, I hardly agree with the statement that people will feel happier when they finish a challenging or difficult work than they finish an easy work, because whether people will feel happy, which is depended on what kind of task he likes.提一个建议，如果你想凑字数，最好不要在第一段凑。表明你的观点就行了。

Initially, some people will happy when they finish a challenging or difficult work. Since the task which is not accepted or afforded for most of people, those people will deem that they are superior than most of people when they finish the task, which cause they feel happier. For example, I like solving the hard math problems when I was in school. Every times(every time) my classmates asked me to help them to figure out the math problems which they cannot work(worked) out, (加入连词或另起一句)I realized that there was a special chance which illustrates my intelligence. When I finished those math problems, I feel really exciting for proving my cleverness.0 L7 m5 o- R5 a8 P

In addition, some people will happy when they have done an easy work. For instance, if a baby can say one word or move by himself, he must be very happy. These actions which the baby did actually are too easy for us to feel nothing, but these movements are no anything more crucial tasks for the baby in the world. After he try to walk or speck thousands of times until at the moment when he can say one word or move by himself he must feel very happy. & P& m& Y! S$ }7 Y' J3 c- i; Y  `

So, nothing is either a challenging difficult work or an easy work. Difficult work or an easy work all comes from our thinking. That is why I do not agree with the statement.
我给你写总评吧，amanda_qinyy已经帮你改得很好了,我就没有多改了。
首发给我的感觉你的文章框架是不错，但感觉没有什么内容，就是论点论据不充分。
其次是写了很多重复句子、套话。

shirley072UID: 2712200

Is（Does）technology makes（make）our lives more complicated than that in the past?（问题开头不错也，但是要注意语法）I do not think so. As we all know, our society develops as fast as our technology（这句话跟题目没有联系，可以不要，而可以提一下到底是什么benefit，这样就会比较具体，且扣题）. We get a lot of benefits during the time when technology is developing. I hold that technology makes people’s lives simpler and more convenient. My reasons are as follow.

Initially, new technology saves us more time. For example, in 1980, many women who really want（wanted，注意时态了）to go to work must stay at home to be responsible house wives, because there was not（no）wash machine or microwave which can increase house wife's working efficiency. Nowadays, these house wives' life become more and more freedom, they can use（by using）wash machines instead of wash clothes by themselves. Thus, they can take the time which is released（spared？）from washing to entertain（还是建议换一个句型，take time to entertain么，我不确定这个）. From this example, we can view that our technology bring us more free time to do other activity rather than be obsessed with tedious and boring working.

In addition, new technology let（还是用makes吧）our communication easier. I still remember when I was a child, my parents always took me to visit my grandmother's home in holidays. But my grandmother's home was so far from my home that my parents and I should take four-hours bus. However, now there is the highway which connects the city which I live in with the city my grandmother's home located at and my parents bought a car, thus, we just need take one hour to arrive at my grandmother's home for visiting（call on my grandmother）. What is more, both my home and my grandmother's home can access to internet, in other word, we can talk and see each other at any time by using internet. If we did not these technology or inventions such as internet or car, there is no possibility to keep in touch with my grandmother as easy as the mean that I currently visit her.

In sum, I believe that new technology can save us more time and let our communication easier. Thus, the statement that technology makes people’s lives simpler rather than make people’s lives more complicated is truth. I hardly image how complicated our life are without help of technology.

我觉得写第一段的时候要尤其注意三点，一个是紧密围绕题目无关的一概不提，第二个是提出自己的观点，第三个是给出一点代表性的理由，我认为哈
倒数第二段，关于的例子准确性。我觉得直接把highway的建成放在最前面，占大部分有那么一点不合适。反而是最后那个internet我觉得可以放到前面来重点写。把这几个东西，highway，car，internet做比较，一提到科技发展嘛，我觉得人们的第一反应应该是internet，然后要说car也算是一个发明也算，但是highway就很勉强了

tomatooUID: 2754865

All people want be success. Nowadays, career success is the heat topic which many people debate for a long time. There is a popular statement which many people advocate that future career success is relate（relate是动词啊，relating, 题目给得是错的） well to other people. Some opponents hold that career success is relate（same problem） well to studying hard at school（写在段尾）. I deem both of their arguments are not all right(all right=ok,right...你想说不完全正确？are mot completely right.). Our career success is belonged to(belong to用这里不合适) many factors such as friendship and studying hardly.（我觉得题是说，relating well to other people和studing hard at school哪个更重要，不是说other people和studing hard 都是relate to的宾语，因为relate是动词，可以说be related to, be relative to,不能说be relate to, is在这里应该是因为疑问句式提前的，而不是和relate to 连用的，就算是我说得这样relate to是个动词也不能作主语，所以题目是有点问题的，这是从语法上说，如果从意思上说，relate well to 一般来讲是和某人处的好的意思，不可能是和后面的studing hard搭配，这是我个人的理解，你也可以再和其它人讨论讨论）9 h4 X) I1 U) U. q  F

Initially, studying hardly（hard就是adv,而hardly的意思就大相径庭了） plays a significant role in our career development. According a survey of Virginia University, 78% bosses is willing to hire the students who get（got） higher GPA. The result illustrates that more and more bosses regard the students who get higher GPA in school have more possibility（more 修饰possibility要用复数，但表达的意思是说，有更多得选择，要说可能性更大用larger修饰，不然就用more likely） to be a successful worker(前面是students,后面是 a worker，不一致哈) than those people who was normal in studying(怪怪的，当然我是中国人，能懂你想说什么). Actually, my experience tells me that the student who studies hard should（用would,or,could） be rewarded with a high GPA and have（has） positive attitude to study even(even放到has前面去吧) life. They have the mood which can keep they（them） fighting, which is why boss(bosses) want to(放到them后面) them work for him（them,太多单复数不一致，还有名词（除特指的）永远不能以单数形式独立存在，要不前面要加定冠词或不定冠词，要不用复数表示一类）. In other words, that is why those students can hunt a successful job.$ V+ M( L. C! ]$ R8 A4 n

In addition, making friends with other people（把“和别人很好的相处”理解成“交朋友”太狭义） also is a basement for future career success. For example, we always can see the best NBA player have（has） lots of friends such as(这个最好就紧跟在它修饰的名词的后面，我好像已经和你说过了，你要是见到隔得很远的,please let me know) Jordan. When a NBA player wants to be a star, which means he wants to have future career success, he must realize that how to share the basketball(cooperate) with his teammates and make friends. If he always likes playing alone, his behaviors just make him lost coach's confidence and disappoint his fans, even is harmful to his basketball skill.Yao Ming is(another) one of the best NBA players, he always likes passing and corporation(这是公司的意思，合作是cooperation). So, he is a successful player. 7 D% Y' o; l# Y1 m" f0 J& E/ _( I

In sum, I hardly agree with the statement that future career success is related well to other people more important than studying hard at school. To be a successful people need many requirements. I believe that friendship and studying hardly is two most of important requirements in them?. That is my reason why I disagree with the statement.

对这种中立的观点我持保留态度
只谈论证，
全文两个POINT各谈各的，最好两个联系起来讲
每个点，论证比较完整，但不够有力
单复数，主谓一致的问题要多注意，显然是小问题坏大事情
全文写得比较朴实，35分钟完成的，很不错了！
还有个问题请教下，题目里说，studing hard at school，通常意义上的行为主体应该是学生的吧，我反而会觉得就应该写学生时代更应该improve 哪个？
that is just my personal views
if you have any question or different opinions, please let me know. i'd like to learn from you.

amanda_qinyyUID: 2632170

FEB 5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For future career success, is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school.% u, r) h) A3 j2 d/ ?7 W ( R! H( ^" m  ]" G" d p, x 2 u( n5 G. }! T$ W All people want be success. Nowadays, career success is the heat topic which many people debate for a long time. There is a popular statement which many people advocate that future career success is relate(我觉得应该改成is related, be related to表示和什么相关) well to other people. Some opponents hold that career success is relate(..) well to studying hard at school. I deem both of their arguments are not all right. Our career success is belonged(用 depends on吧) to many factors such as friendship and studying hardly. M; e  Z8 X8 b& b# | Initially, studying hardly(hard) plays a significant role in our career development. According(to) a survey of Virginia University, 78% bosses is willing to hire the students who get higher GPA. The result illustrates that more and more bosses regard the students who get higher GPA in school have more possibility to be a successful worker than those people who was normal in studying. Actually, my experience tells me that the student who studies hard should be rewarded with a high GPA and have positive attitude to study even life. They have the mood(mood好像用的不大合适，后面是fighting,不如用spirit怎样？) which can keep they(them) fighting, which(that) is why boss want to(加个hire,后面的work+ing) them work for him. In other words, that is why those students can hunt a successful job(这两句话不如合并一下，因为总会重复一句话，所以不如合并成Their positive spirit,which is valued by employeds, that helps them to hunt a great job ).# r& E1 B   m+ N: e( s  h8 }) ] " P/ s. m+ S5 s' E5 |9 m In addition, making friends with other people also is(is also,最好表达成受益于别人的帮助) a basement for future career success. For example, we always can see the best NBA player have lots of friends such as Jordan. When a NBA player wants to （be）a star, which means he want to have future career success, he must realize that how to share the basketball with his teammates and make friends(没表述清楚). If he always likes (to) play alone, his behaviors just make him lost coach's confidence(make the coach lose heart on him) and disappoint his fans, even is harmful to his basketball skill.(这一整句话表述的有点太chinglish了)2 F1 N: i% p4 ]# h) v （缺少了点衔接）Yao Ming is one of best NBA players, he always like passing and corporation. So, he is a successful player. % I- [! n$ W5 u/ j* c4 Y In sum, I hardly agree with the statement that future career success is related well to other people more important than studying hard at school. To be a successful people(person) need many requirements. I believe that friendship and studying hardly(hard) is(are) two most of important requirements in them. That is my reason(reason用这里不好，改成view of point) why I disagree with the statement. 我比较不太擅长写中立的观点，因而不好评价。但总觉得好像少了点两个观点相联系的内容。 一些小的语法错误，如果你是用作文软件写的话，可以写完贴进word里面自动修改一下，也许我看的也不是太全面。 第一个观点的例子，我觉得很好。从employer的角度来证明，很有说服力，借鉴！ 而后面观点的例子，稍微欠缺了一点，再修改添加一下就ok了。 至于这个题目中的relate well到底该怎么解释最好，值得斟酌。 ps：我想知道，你的作文35分钟写完，是从一看到题目就计时，把思考和构思的时间都算进去么? 我最近写作文时间老长，很急。

slimhUID: 2438517

Children are parents' hope（呵呵，符合中国国情呀，就不知道附不符合其他国家的国情，建议前面加In China或者In gerneral之类的）, so parents are very concerned about children's education problems. Nowadays, there is a heated debate whether teachers should show their political or social views known in the classroom. Some parents hold that teachers should show their political or social views known in the classroom, because this is a part of education, while some people argue that teachers should not show political or social views known in the classroom. In my prospective, I agree with the later suggestion. In other words, I cannot agree the statement that teachers should not show their political or social views known in the classroom any more（整个句子有点多余的感觉，尽管你再后面加了any more) . My reasons are as follow.

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Initially, political or social views are different from person to person. When children are not mature in their social views(views of social), they is(are) tend to take other people's thinking, especially their teachers, into account. Thus, it blocking(没有be动词） children's own social views, will cause the way which they consider problems is not innovative（一个句子不能用2个动词阿，consider跟is) . What is more, since children have（用have不是很恰当） lots of teachers who also(去掉） have different social views, they must be very confusing when those teachers tell them various social views. Then these children will double（？不知道为什么用double） our national policy and society, which is just contrary to our educational goal. 6 T: _4 |/ V' M9 d/ g

In addition, showing social views in the classroom is wasting time. According a survey of（from) Virginia University, an educational professor reported that the time when students can stay their focus on the class is ten minutes in every class. If the teachers always show his political or social views which are not related to his class content, what do the students learn?$ q（There is no necessary for them to listen teacher's political or social views, because they will form their own social views when they graduation(graduate). Accordingly, teachers should take more time on the subject rather than show their political or social views. （红色部分展开一下内容吧）  n; v. R! A% v3 {

I just heard the news that Japan's government has forbidden（forbad) their teachers show their political or social views known in the classroom. I believe the（such a ) policy is what any responsible governments should do in the world. Just based on these above, I agree with the statement that teachers should not show their political or social views known in the classroom.

总结：总的来说写的很不错，ｉｎ　ａｄｄｉｔｉｏｎ那段举例，希望展开一点，或者把最后一段日本政府的措施当成例子来举也会是不错的选择。加油！

superliu1593UID: 2210996

哎 看附件吧 我实在调不好这些字      

Children are parents' hope, so parents are very concerned about children's education problems. (Parents place high hopes on their children, therefore they are concerned much about the children’s education problems.) Nowadays, there is a heat (fierce) debate whether teachers should show their political or social views known in the classroom. Some parents hold that teachers should show their political or social views known in the classroom, because this(it) is a part of education, while some people(some parents和some people 所指范围不同) argue that teachers should not show political or social views known in the classroom. In my prospective, I agree with the later suggestion (latter). In other word, I cannot agree the statement that teachers should not show their political or social views known in the classroom any more. (个人觉得这句话是不是有点多余了？你前面一句话已经明确你的论点了，不需要重复了吧？)My reasons are as follows.!

     Initially, political or social views are different from person to person. When children are not mature in their social views, they is(删掉) tend to take other people's thinking, especially their teachers, into account. Thus, it blocking(blocks) children’ s own social views, and will cause the way which they consider problems is not innovative(Thus, it blocks the social views of children, and causes the problems that they may not think innovative). What is more, since children have lots of teachers who also have different social views, they must be very confusing when those teachers tell them various social views. Then these children will double(doubt) our national policy and society, which is just contrary to our educational goal. $

    In addition, showing social views in the classroom is wasting time. According to a survey of Virginia University, an educational professor reports that the time when students can stay their focus on the class is ten minutes in every class这个例子很好啊. If the teachers always show his political or social views which are not related to his class content, what do the students learn? 这里有点极端了，非政治课的老师一般是针对某件事偶尔才发表一下观点吧，不会总说的。



     There is no necessary for them to listen teacher's political or social views, because they(指代不明，建议把前面那个them改成students) will form their own social views when they graduation(graduate). Accordingly, teachers should take more time on the subject rather than show their political or social views.

    I just heard the news that Japan government has forbidden their teachers showing their political or social views known in the classroom. I believe the policy is what any responsible governments should do in the world. Just based on these above, I agree with the statement that teachers should not show their political or social views known in the classroom.
点评，由于水平有限，请轻拍

1.动词和代词的用法有待加强

2.句式和衔接都还不错，但有些句子有点是故意写的很繁琐的感觉，例如第一段倒数第二句。长短结合是最好的

3.例子举得很不错，但论据可能欠充分点
4.对于论述型的文章，可以尽量避免I think, heard 等个人主观的语句，更有说服力些