【1010G精英组】ISSUR&ARGU 习作——by Group Choice

yuanlinqinggreUID: 2755904

TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
WORDS: 703
TIME: 01:00:00
DATE: 2010-5-16 12:05:59

As education is aim to help student set up moral and ethical standards as well as academic and professional knowledge, the effectiveness of education should be measured by whether it can help students to achieve such aim of education. Since it is widely acknowledge that social resource as well as education resource is limited, the combination of universally designed education, which requires the students to learn the same thing, and specially designed education is effective.

Since a lot of students regarded professional goal as the main aim of education, education which focuses on personal needs can be effective because individual skills can be fully improved. individuals are diverse, so are their weak points and strong points. Some people may lack of communication skills while some others needs special training in computer skills. Thus, a specially designed education system will perfectly strengthen their weaken point. When taking individual professional choices into consideration, different professional goals entail different education. For instance, the education a lawyer receives has little in common with the education a doctor receives, in which case specially designed education is necessary for students.

However, specially designed education, even though it is effective when considering the professional goal, is not effective at all when it comes to establishing moral and ethical standards as well as the academic goal. Since moral and ethical standards, which is greatly determined by the social value system, is of great importance, all the students, even if some of them are not interested in it, have to establish moral and ethical standards which are not controvert to the social one. Otherwise, they can not adopt themselves to the society because their value system is so different from the social one that what the society values are what they pay no attention to. Thus, a specially designed education can do little help, if any, for students to establish moral and ethical standards which accord with that of the society. Moreover, when we take the academic goal into account, specially designed education suffers from the innate deficiency of paying attention to what they are interested in while ignoring what is pivot but they fail to recognize. Academic progress entails students to have a comprehensive view of the whole field which specially designed education fails to achieve, therefore, judging the importance of academic knowledge by personal interests is not beneficial for the student to make academic progress. Thus, it is not up to the students' personal interest or needs to decide whether something should be learn or not, which can reveal the ineffectiveness of specially designed education when we comes to the academic goal. As a result, a specially designed education can be effective when we consider the professional goal, which does not exclude its ineffectiveness when it comes to the establishment of moral standards and the academic goal.

At last, when we speculate on the fact that social resource is always limited, specially designed education is at the cost of lots of social resource, which render it ineffective and calls for another education which meet the individual needs as well as the social and academic needs. As the establishment of students' moral and ethical standards is at the early phase of education, education in that phase is effective when it is designed to meet the social needs. Alike, when considering the academic goal which requires comprehensive knowledge is also at the early phase of education, education is effective when emphasizing on the academic needs in that phase. At last, as professional knowledge and skills are taught in the advanced phases, specially designed education is effective in these phases. Thus, the combination of universal education and specially designed education is effective.

In sum, as we divide the goal of education into three parts, the effectiveness of specially designed education is measured by whether it can be helpful to achieve those goals. However, specially designed education, even though it is effective in achieving the professional goal, is ineffective when it comes to the academic goals as well as the establishing of the moral standards, which calls for the combination of specially designed education and universally designed education. And this combination is effective when we take the limited resource of the society into account.

toywangUID: 2700880

连着写两篇issue加上昨晚睡了4小时
头晕乎乎的~ 注意身体
issue43 by eleven
修改by toywang
2010-5-14 11:08~11:58:26   538 words
"To be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards."
The common sense of us 【可以省略】tells the reality that ethical and moral standards are very differently from time and places【很chinglish的说法，常识告诉我们balbalbal~~改成， Ethical and moral standards are very different according to the variety of time and places 】. In ancient china, the numbers of wives of a man are not limited in accord【词性错误 accordance】with the ethnical standard, while at the contemporary PRC【省去】; a Chinese man is only allowed to maintain marriage with a woman, which means that if a men married two women, he is not only act against the moral rule but also violate the legislation. However, in contemporary society, there are a plenty countries still allow even encourage their male citizenry to marry more than a women. Consider other kinds of cases, sending parents to gerocomium when they are old is an normal action in western countries, while in eastern culture which values breed parents when they are old as an basic obligation may criticized the children as losing moral.[作为第一段，不觉得有点偏了吗？对于leader的讨论呢？或者我可以说你少了第一段，这个有点像body 了还有我觉得表达的不够简练]
Thus, the standard of ethnic and moral I discuss follow should refer to the specific circumstances that is not a globally common sense. Admittedly【用词不当】, a public official who maintains the noble and majestic moral standard can bring effectiveness to his or her leading career. Mahatma Gandhi, whose life were so perfect that even be regard as a saint is doubtlessly an effective and great leader. Similarly, Lincoln , who is regarded as the most rigid and self-regulating president in America, is also extremely success in effective leading.
【题目讨论的是对领导人是否要有最高的~~·，而你是说明哪些伟人有~~~。是否有点偏呢？】
Moreover, a guidance’s losing【是否用lack of 好点？】 moral do influence his or her work even the well-being of its group. The remarkable modern example is the scandal in Taiwan political area that the ex-president Chen Shuibian was revealed to be a phony who illegally collected more than 2 billion dollars tremendously influences the economical status of Taiwan. It has been proved that Chen hampered the well-being of denizens with abusively using power in order to attain his own benefits.

Nevertheless, the author’s assertion is not self-contained as a whole. The royal family of the most prosperous dynasty of china which was internationally acknowledged ---Tang dynasty, suffered a series of ethical concerned scandals. The second monarch of the dynasty married his dead brothers’ wife, the third monarch have a affair with one of his father’s wife of a prince married the womon after his father dead, ridiculously, the fourth monarch plunder his prince’s high-ranked imperial concubine as his queen. 【这个混乱是否在当时被认为不对呢？这和你开始提到的
根据time不同而不同的理论相悖，而且叙述的真的很混乱】those actins are regarded serious violate of moral rule in estern culture. However, such scandals cast shallow shadow on their prominent leading. An even more remarkable modern example was Theodore Roosevelt, who carried on a poorly concealed lifelong love affair with Lucy Rutherford. In spite of such affairs thought out his life, FDR is the only man in the nation’s history elected to four terms in office, architect of both the New Deal and the steps that led the Applied Powers to victory in World War 2. And,the chairman MAO, Martin Luther king, Clinton,and etc, a plenty of excellent guidance encountered moral or ethnic concerned scandal in their life.
【你这段想说明什么？即使有scandal 依然可以是很好的leader啊对啊
？但是题目是对moral and ethic 的讨论，没有highest 的标准就你就等同于scandal吗？而且全文没有抓住题目的讨论眼就是leader
和 highest 的定义】
From which I have discussed above, it can be safely concluded that a public official maintain the highest ethical and moral standards will help him or her to be an effective leader, however, such element is not a pre-requisite
不得不说，这个总结的方向是对的，但是你body没有按这个总结来论证啊。可能是你题目理解错了，这里的 public official的作用是大众的监督，而不是leader本身啊~~~

五十分钟就只写的了这么多了
我很受打击
建议：下次写之前把题目的意思和关键词标出来，或者说翻译一下，因为你的逻辑是很清楚的啊，但是在这个题目上我不知到你怎么会写的这么乱的。还有对事物的描述不需要这么冗长，而且对中国历史的一些描写，估计老外看了会觉得晕的~~~

xingfuhbjUID: 2769976

修改  issue103 by Cynthia
放宽时间to80min....



It is undeniable that the study of history has great values to our daily life. However, it is superficial (两个it is不好吧~) to limit the values to the day-to-day activities of human beings. The statement that the study of history only has guidances to our daily life is too narrow.(statement可以用narrow不?)

Admittedly, the study of history does have great values to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives. And most people study history because it can guide our behaviours and thinking patterns in our day-to-day lives(考虑更换). By reading biographies of great history figures, we can learn from their great personalities, such as justice, optimism, independence, which cause them stand out in their fields. In this case, history study is closely relevant to our daily lives and has great guidance to everyone.

However, limiting the great values of history study to the extent of daily lives is a shallow assertion. History itself is of great values. By study it, we can understand the process of human civilization, we can understand many aspects of our existing society, such as custom, culture, politics, science, art and religion.(考虑中间再加个句子就排比了么~) Besides our day-to-day life(第三次啦~!), studying history is of great values in many aspects.(感觉这段可以扩充一下~)

History study is of great importance in the field of science,(through which) we can understand the development of science and technology(干脆删鸟算了~) and can abstract ideas for our own researches. For example , the study of the cancer history, which obviously has no relevant to the researcher's daily life, can help the researcher to find out the what kind of treatments to (cure) cancer was used before, in which what kind of methods were effective. (我觉得这例子不是很好~对病史的研究还是跟日常生活联系比较紧密的~)Through this study, the researcher can avoid repeating the null(不知道合适不?) treatments, and focus on improving the existing effective methods.
In addition, history also help us to maintain our culture and national identity, which also has little relationship with our daily lives.(这里是在完全讲历史的作用了~有点偏了) Every country has its distinctive culture and national identity, which are crutial for our children to cherish. The treasures of a society are passed down from generation to generation by history study. By learning the great achievements of our ancestors, we feel proud of our nation and patriotism is arouse (through) this way. If we fail to pass down the distinct culture to our children, they might have no sense of patriotism and would not devote themselves to the country's future. In this case, the society would develop at a largo pace, and would be left behind by other nations.(不知为啥看到这想到一个很荒谬的观点~照你这么说,如果每个国家都不去研究,那就不存在谁落后于谁咯?) Hence, the study of history is essential for a nation to pass down its cultures and national identities, and is promotive to the country's development, since it cultivate the patriotism of our children.

In conclusion, regardless(这不是动词) whether the study of history is relevant to our daily lives, history itself is of great values in various aspects. By study it, we can get inspirations to our daily life, we can avoid noneffective repeating of fallacies before, we can pass down our cherished cultures and values, to promote our children to better our society and country. Thus, limiting the significance of history study to the narrow extent, which is only relevant to our daily life, is superficial and would result the lose of our cherished cultures and values.


没啥子大问题~!
语法错误也不多~
表达也挺顺畅的~
就是中间第三点感觉有点点偏~然后整体的论述性还欠缺了点~但是限时能写出这样已经算好的了!

elevenkarUID: 2791267

Issue43by 小歪
修改 by eleven

Does the highest moral and ethic standards, which can make people have a good control of their innate desire,（你对问题关键字的定义。很自然的嵌入首段，赞一个） is a necessary quality for a effective leader, defined as a leader who can make great contribution to the public? I think the answer is positive. Leader with the highest ethical and moral standards can make decisions which are beneficial to the society and people in it as well, which does not exclude other qualities, such as eloquence, which is indispensable for an effective leader.

Official who maintains the highest moral standards is more likely to put the interests of the whole society before his own interests, even though selfishness is an innate human character. As diverse ideas show up when it comes to different individuals in a society, leader is elected to meet the public need for making decisions wisely and fairly. Thus, to be an effective leader is to required the candidate, even though he can help consider his interests first, to be capable of taking all the people's needs into consideration, which leads to requirement that an effective leader have to control the innate desire to make decisions beneficial for himself or some specific group. For that matter, having a highest moral and ethic standards can be helpful to render the leader think the problem fairly（并无错误，但建议修改）. Therefore, a highest moral and ethic standards is necessary for an effective leader because of its usefulness when he is faced up to harsh problems.


However, it is not enough for an effective leader to merely maintain the highest ethic and moral standards, for he has various kinds of responsibility which entails diverse qualities.


As a leader has to participate in myriads（好词） of diplomatic activities, it is necessary for him to have a general idea of culture in other countries. Otherwise, inappropriate behaviors are likely to happen. Consider this case, some countries, such as China, consider it （it is）polite to let guest go first while some countries in the mid-east consider it polite to let guest go behind. If the leader knows nothing about the cultural difference, it may leave a bad impression（好像没有leave a impression的说法）
to leaders from other countries. Moreover, it can also（also can）
helpful if a leader know something in the（of）
other culture. For instance, Mr. Obama, the president of the USA, used several Chinese saying during his speech, which shows his great politeness to China as well as leaves（时态用错了） a good impression. As a result, there is no denying that a wide spectrum of knowledge is essential for an effective leader.

Moreover, an effective leader not only has to be aware of cultural difference（s） but also has to be wise and educated, defined as being acquainted with knowledge across several fields. A social leader, who deals with social problems which consist of several problems from different field, has to a clear（少了个动词？） view of knowledge among the entire spectrum, from science to art. As he has to sign up some files so as to start some social projects, it is necessary for him to know a lot. Climate legislation may require him to know something about tax and air-pollution while a health care reform may entail knowledge about medical system. An effective leader cannot make wise decision without having a clear view about the problem. Therefore, more qualities is（are） still needed besides maintaining the highest moral and ethic standards.

In sum, it is true that having the highest ethical and moral standards, which can keep him concentrating on public rather than himself, is an indispensable quality for an effective leader while other qualities, such as a wide range of knowledge and eloquence, are also required because an effective leader, basing on his own knowledge, has to sign documents and deal with problems from various aspects of the society.

仅对你这篇文章的思路提点建议。如我们所看到的本文题目是在陈述如果想要做一个有效的领导者，public official应该具有最高的伦理道德标准。从中文上理解文题的意思是作者在陈述如果想。。。就要。。。，那么我认为作为文章回应， 应该将重点放在是否确实如果想成为有效地领导者就应该有最高的道德标准上，而非将重点放在提出如果想成为有效地领导，应该具有哪些品质。
不知yuan对自己的文章的语言是否满意，以我的拙见，如果你的文章放在托福和雅思的考试中，绝对一篇超级高分的文章，但是似乎读起来G味不足。最近看Ets的5、6分的范文觉得他们很有“学术论文范儿”，其中活用大量句型，长短句有机结合，看的我自信心大跌，感觉作文之路遥遥无期 55555。从改Yuan的N篇文章来看，您的语言功底和逻辑都是令人折服的，句子之间的逻辑关系非常强。但是在句型和词汇的多变方面略显不足，以上只是的一些拙见，希望对你有所帮助，大家加油！

yuanlinqinggreUID: 2755904

对不起，昨天一系列问题让我改错了。
首先，你这篇文章从句和单词都运用的十分好，而别错误我在文章中也有所标出。
其次，我觉得你这篇文章与eleven的那篇有一个共同的特点就是——你们都没有对effective的衡量标准进行一个确定。对于是否是有效领导的评判，你是因例子不同而不同的，缺乏一个适用于每个例子的标准。若事先无标准给出的话，你的例子对于观点的论述就有可能不那么有说服力了。
最后，就是关于ethical and moral standard的理解，你有可能将它理解偏了。毕竟，你的最后一个例子让人觉得说服力不是那么强，换一个稍微合适点的例子会好一点吧


We always hope that a public official can be restrained by the ethical and moral standards so that it can avoid the flaws such as bribery effectively, for the function of overseen by people even society doesn't work at any time. As a result, a public official maintaining the highest ethical and moral standards as he thinks is always acquired more pros, which benefits his management of society. However, in my opinion, to be an effective leader, there is no necessity of maintaining the highest ethical and moral standards under any circumstances, what one should do is to have a savvy（好词）insight to identify the conditions of society and then take the relevant measures even against the ethical and moral standards he once insist to solve the problem.
（你在这篇文章中只论证了moral standard是不必要的，然而你并没有有效地论证红色的那段内容诶）

Admittedly, the ethical and moral standards are constructive for confining the officials’' behaviors to some degree, which do（es） help to decrease the possibility of their making mistakes for their own avarice. (这句话是你的ts，然而你这段貌似说的是moral standards有利于领导对于政策的实施，而没有具体讨论它如何防止领导以权谋私) Under such circumstance, the populace of society will more cooperate with his work, for admiring even adoring his restraint on himself. In this case, when he acclaims a policy in public, the people may choose to obey it more easily（it is more likely for people to obey it）. Even if they con just to be aimed at the policy itself rather than the official. Naturally, constrained by the high moral and ethical standards, the public official can operate his regulation smoother for the support by his countrymen.
However, whether an official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards he once believed under any circumstances (condition / situation) in order to be an effective leader? In my analysis, the responses can't be simply to say yes. with respect to the WWII, when faced with the severe(少个名词) of people losing the confidences to gain a victory, Churchill, a supreme minister to be placed all hopes on, gave a speech in public and asserted they would succeed finally, even though he was not ensure（sure） if the victory would happen so absolutely as he showed. （有实例能说出他确实不确定么？）But in that case, in order to assemble the people to fight against Nazi, confirm their resolve to win, and protect the country from aggression, most people will agree that what is effective is what he did at that time and the history also certificated his sage tactics then, although it may seemed against the honest, which he may treat as the highest standards of morality and ethics.
(演讲上的鼓动算是违反了moral standards吗？其实我也想不明白啊)
Considering the condition if the public leader consistently maintains these highest standards he thinks as his own principles and never changes with the surroundings, what a serious problem may be caused in society. Knowing the Liuying, an emperor of Han dynasty in ancient china, obeyed his mother's decision ，even ridiculous， at any time. To some degree（extent）, he maintained the standards of filial love, as the highest ethical and moral one at that time indeed. Nevertheless, as a leader to society, he didn't advance any development but made some absurd policies, such as slaughtering the loyal ministers without any persuasive evidence just to meet his mother's desire.(这里有“渴望，需要”不合适吧) In this case, we couldn't believe he is an effective leader even though he maintains his principles to obey the standards of ethics and morality.
（这一段的论述就有点不完全了，只说了有时候坚持moral standard会有不好的后果，可是你忘了论述真正有效的领导所应该具有的特质。）

In sum, the ethical and moral standards maintained by the officials could add the strength to supervise their behaviors by themselves. But to be an effective leader to society, the public officials must make the decision according to the changeable circumstances, even if it may be against the highest ethical and moral standards he once believed. Otherwise the aftermath a leader caused may be detrimental to his countrymen. After all, compared with the whole society's welfare, a public leader has to sacrifice his principles constrained by the moral and ethical to promote society onward (赞) effectively.

elevenkarUID: 2791267

Issue 103"The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."
题目：历史研究只有和人们生活的日常生活相关时才有意义。
I feel real confused at first blush of this statement since it is blurring on the definition of value, daily life and relevance. I try to interpret the author’s meaning from a general logical mode: only when the study of history affects the society right here and right now that it is valued. Obviously, if my interpretation is the author’s authentic meaning, the author fails to consider the comprehensive respects of history studying in regardless of essential aim and value of history research, which lies in drawing the road map of development and changing of future that facilitate both ourselves and our descendants.
Consider the general interpretation of human history in terms of political and military. There is an old proverb in china: the remembrance of the past is the teacher of the future. It implies that the conclusion and study of history teaches us avoid making the same mistakes. For example, the study of 5000 years ancient history of china tells us that the dynasty rule primarily contributes to the anguish of citizenry that makes people disapprove of the government, which was brought by inappropriate govern of monarch. The typically striking examples are tang dynasty and han dynasty. Through the study of history, a monarch comprehends the tips he should notice which reminds him not to fall into the same error with the failure. From that aspect, since a monarch’s leading is tremendously relevant to denizens ‘welfare in ｈｉｇｈｌｙ　ｃｅｎｔｒａｌｉｚｅｄ　feudal china， the study of history do exert immediate effects on people’s daily life. However, we know that the complexion and characteristics are various from this monarch to that monarch, the concluding experiences do not roundly fit for every circumstances. The fact is, the study of history had never stopped in ancient china as the consequence of the commonly acknowledged rule in ancient China: the study results may support profound influence to descendents while only exert negligible effect on contemporaneous people.
When it comes to the study of scientific history, it is different in approach but equally satisfactory in result with the politically historic research. To study the history of motion of the earth and the weather is to realize the pattern of earth’s movement that can make us well-predicting of the disasters such as blizzard and earthquake, which helps minimize the loss of human being. Supposing there is a convincing report said that in the continuous 10 years, disasters will far away from human being, however, the result of scientific history is quotable for our descents.
Apart from those two fields, we also can get the same conclusion from the scrutiny of anthropologically historic research. When the origin of species wrote by Darwin revealed the secret of human being evolved into the dominative species of the earth is evolution but not god, it didn’t witness a dramatic revolution of people’s daily life in a long period. However, when we subject the formation of many prominent disciplines, which closely combine to our contemporary society such as sociology, anthropology and psychology, into scrutiny as descendents, we have to admit that many of them are derived from the booklet.
From the above analysis of many fields we can safely conclude that the study of history do exert simultaneous effects on people’s daily life, nevertheless, the pivotal aim and value of it lies in drawing a trace map which is quotable for our offspring in predicting their future.

elevenkarUID: 2791267

51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

There is an old proverb:”interests are the best teacher.” However, whether education reaches its fundamental purpose when the students are taught in specific way which meets the individuals’ needs and interests is worth of discussion.
If we define the “effective education” as one way that successfully cultivate responsible, thoughtful and enterprising citizens which can ultimately fulfill their purposes and contribute to societies’ prosperity, which is a definition of fundamental purpose of education acknowledged by United Nation Educational Scientific and Culture Organization, then the author’s claim is open to doubt. It is commonly acknowledged that different individuals hold different interests and perspective in viewing the same world. Admittedly, some students regard being a responsible, thoughtful and enterprising people as their ideal goal, while there is the possibility that some others value money as the most important thing in the world that they can do harm to the society in fulfilling their lure of property. If the education just in concerned with anyone’s interests and needs, the last kind of people I mentioned above are encouraged to chase their aim without ethical or moral restrictions that lead to manifest detrimental influence of society’s development.
Moreover, if we set the discussion into a hypothetical mode in which all the people hold the “noble- heart”
like the first type of person I mentioned above, I still disagree with the statement because
teaching people in their interests and needy way is also lack of feasibility. Firstly, contrasting with the way schools using nowadays, the “interests pointing” policy needs a numerous plenty of teachers and apparatus. While the scarcity of society’s attention, time and resources in our contemporary society are already obvious, such ideal mean is hard to put into practice under the material laxity.
Secondly, the statement ignores the fact that it is hard to measure one’s interests and needs. I have the experience that I learned ErHu which is a Chinese traditional instrument for 10 years and once decided to dedicate my entire life into art area; however, my parents insisted that If I truly love the instrument, I can chose to study it as major until I go to university, and I should not abandon my normal schooling before then. In the second year of my junior high school study, occasionally, I took a lecture which introduced the programming technology. Unexpectedly, I was charmed by the glamour of computing science and after several days’ meditation; I changed my career map that I am majoring in information technology now. I cite my experience just to demonstrate that people’s interests and needs are varying from time to time. If a person was only taught the knowledge he likes at some period---as if I had give up my study of science, and then the person fall in love with another discipline---like me fell in love with programming, however, time is limited, since he haven’t accumulate enough knowledge at such field he fall in love later, he have to abandon his love, which may be the true love of him. (Fortunately, I hadn’t made such kind of mistakes under my parents’ guidance.)
To sum up, since teaching people in their interests and needy way is also lack of feasibility and people’s value are variable, in addition with people’s interests and needs are changeable, the author’s claim is flawed.

cynthia313UID: 2765794

issue43 by xingfu 修改 by Cynthia
There are many characteristics that distinguish the human from other species and made us the most intelligent creature on this globe. Among which, a higher ethical and moral standard is a special one that shouldn’t be overlooked. Thus, as a public official, who is always the eximious one among its peers and the leader of a certain group, must maintain that quality comparing with common people. However, for the reason that being a leader is a thing more of becoming a generalist than a specialist, he doesn’t have to own the highest ethical and moral standards.
First and foremost, such an ethic is an essential quality for a public official, and will always help to make him an effective and respectable and outstanding leader. More ethics and moralities a leader owns, more respects he will gain. Just take Premier Zhou Enlai as an example, who was be（去掉be） highly spoke of his valuable high morality. When Premier Zhou passed away in 1.8,1976, the whole country was in a deep sorrow. To everyone’s surprise, before the official building of the United Nations, the flags of UN and china had fly at half-mast, and flags of other countries didn’t raised. Such a deed dissatisfied other countries, however, Kurt Waldheim, the Secretary-General of the United Nations of that time went out his office and said some words like followed: I made such a decision for Premier Zhou due to two respects. First, china is a country with a history of five thousand years, countless fortune, and uncountable RMBs, but its Premier Minister, Zhou Enlai, had no savings for himself in the bank. Second, with a population of 10 billion, China have taken up the one fourths of the whole world’s population, but its Premier Minister, Zhou Enlai, had no children. If any of your country’s leaders could do such a thing like Premier Zhou, I’m willing to fly flag at half-mast for him too.(怕是要说当他去世的时候降半旗哦,不然好诅咒别人哦) After listening to Wladheim’s words, all diplomats were in silence and then start(started) to applaud for Premier Zhou. So through this story, we can easily tell that how a high ethical and moral standard can influence and conquered people’ heart（conquer people’s hearts）, thus make him an effective leader.(这个结构老是觉得不对，不知道怎么改)

However, as I mentioned before, a leader is not an omnipotent god, so there is no need for a public official to achieve the highest ethical standard to be an eligible and effective leader.
Just think about Bill Clinton, the 42nd president of United States of America from 1993-2001, who was once amid charges of ethics violations—some sexual scandals, and was even impeached for obstruction of justice. However, such a stain in his morality didn’t hold back his success in leadership--leaving office with an approval rating at 66%, the highest end of office rating of any president since World War II, Bill Clinton is absolutely an effective leader.
(不知道最后一句结构错了米)（这句确实看上去怪怪的，最后一个分句很突兀没连词，我觉得可以这样改改，仅供参考哈：…success in leadership that he left office…66%-- the highest end of office rating of any president since World War II, in this case或者加个什么连词, Bill Clinton is absolutely an effective leader.）
Besides, to become an effective leader, other qualities are also fundamental, such as professional skills, foresight, and excellent management and diplomatically ability. Can we accept a public official who is not capable enough to make a speech in front of populace? Could we endure that our leaders are incompetent to answer the question with quips? Or should we bear a leader who can’t well manage the whole country? the answers of these questions reveal the heart sound of common people, that with the absence of other qualities, no matter how higher the ethical standard of a public officials is, he have no hope to become a effective leader.（题目说道德高是必须的，没有说它是充分必要条件，不知道这段论述有没有意义？）

A common citizen as I am, I（两个主语，删掉I） will not hold the same perspective with the topic, for the reason that, the people(person) with the highest moral and ethic standard is not a perfect leader who is most effective, but a saint who is living in a remote mountain and far from the public vision.(这个结尾有点太绝对了，你前面不是还举了周恩来么？？圣人也能当effective leader呀，不冲突啊。)

没什么大问题，就是不知道body最后一段有没有必要，另外结尾太绝对，没有总结上前面balance的部分，就感觉很突兀~句子方面有一两个句子结构不清晰，也有可能是我水平有限哈^^然后就是一些小的语法问题已经标出来了~~继续加油哦~~

cynthia313UID: 2765794

Issue51 by Cynthia
Should education be designed specifically to meet the individual needs and interests of each student? In my point of view, the answer is positive. However, the special education still has some problems, which hamper it from realization.

First of all, it is wildly acknowledged that interests are the best teachers for students. Students would devote a lot of time and energy to the subjects they are fond of. They might feel joyful through the process of this kind of active study. Consequently, study becomes more effective than passive study, which is compelled by teachers or parents. Thus, specially designed education which meets every student’s interest would obviously increase the efficiency of study.

Additionally, in this era which always emphasize on personal interests and characteristics, students who have only received general education might fail to meet social needs as specialists. Since everyone has received general education, student who does not have his/her own interest and strong point might lack of competitiveness in this modern society.

However, if education is totally designed for students’ individual needs and interests, it might cause many problems, and the feasibility of absolute special education is still open to doubt.

An Individual’s interest is just like his/her fingerprints, which is unique and different from others. If special education is put into execution, we need much more teachers who are specialized in different fields; we need different kinds of text books, which record knowledge from universe to humanity; we also need all kinds of equipments to help teaching. All these efforts need a sea of spending. Since the resources of the society are limited, and the fund which is used for education is also finite, this kind of complete special education is infeasible.

Moreover, granted that we have enough money to carry out the education which is totally designed to meet individual needs and interests, it would still cause many problems. Special education would mislead students only to study the subjects they are fond of, and neglect the basic knowledge they also need to form their knowledge system, which is essential for them to deal with all kind of situation in this dramatically changing world. If a student, who is gifted in literature but is weak in mathematics, only receives education about literature, he/she might lack of the ability of logical analysis, which would obviously hamper his or her success in career. Thus, beside special education which meets individuals’ needs, general education is also critical for students to construct their basic knowledge systems to survive in this world full of challenges.

In conclusion, special education, which is designed to meet individual’s needs and interests, encourages students to study actively and consequently increase the efficiency of study. However, absolute special education is not only infeasible, but also harmful, since it would bring about tons of spending and would also hamper students from forming their basic knowledge systems, which is as important as special skills for them to survive in this competitive world.

yuanlinqinggreUID: 2755904

TOPIC: ARGUMENT203 - The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."
WORDS: 554
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2010-5-17 12:02:07

Basing on the comparison between the non-profit hospital in Saluda, which has higher cure rate, shorter patients' stay and fewer complaints about the service, and the for-profit one in Megaville, the editor comes to his conclusion that treatment in nonprofit hospital is more economical and of better quality. However, failing to ponder on the differences between these two hospitals, the author unfairly reaches his justification.

Firstly, lacking information about the patient these two hospitals received, the editor cannot compare the average patient's stay and cure rate in these two hospital. It is entirely possible that difference in the patients, rather than treatment, serve to the difference, in which case patients with severe disease may prefer for-profit hospital, which has better medical facilities, while patients with little injuries may prefer non-profit hospital because of its low cost. For that matter, server diseases will require long patient's stay than little injuries do, and the same is true of cure rate. Thus, the scenario, if true, would considerably weaken the deduction of the argument. Without providing more information about the patients these hospitals treated with, the author cannot ensure me that it is the treatment in hospital that results in such difference.

Secondly, more employees per patients and few complaints about the service is little indication that treatment in Saluda is economical and of better quality. Since the author unfairly equates the complaints received with the complaints the patients have, it is just as likely that the Saluda hospital do not even have an effective complaints receiving system, which, instead of better service, is responsible for the few complaints received. Ironically, more employees per patients may even reveal that the quality of the treatment is of low quality, because treatment in the Saluda hospital may not efficient enough,which entails more employees to do the same job. Thus, without more prominent evidence to corroborate the quality of the service provided in the Saluda hospital, the author cannot persuade me of the basis of the argument that services provided in the Saluda hospital is really good, let alone about the conclusion about the difference between non-profit and for-profit hospitals.

Last but not the least, the editor's conclusion, even we concede that treatment in the Saluda hospital is more economical and of better quality than that provided by Megaville hospital, still relies firmly on the premise that the Saluda hospital is representative of non-profit hospital while the Megaville hospital is typical of for-profit hospital. Yet, the editor fails to validate this pivot assumption, which leads to the possibility that the Saluda hospital, which is newly-built, is the best hospital in the country whereas the Megaville hospital, which has been built for nearly 30 years, is the worst for-profit hospital when taking the improvement of technology into consideration. Therefore, having failed to offer evidence to justify the representativeness of these two hospitals, the editor cannot confidently comes to his conclusion about the comparison between nonprofit hospitals and for -profit ones.

In sum, the expression of the argument is lucid, however, the ratiocination is unjustified, since he ignores some difference between these two hospitals when he compares. Thus, the author, in order to validate his deduction, must provide more details about the patients these hospitals received. And he must cite compelling evidence to substantiate the representativeness of these two hospitals.

toywangUID: 2700880

issue 51 by toywang  time 1:10
51. "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."


Thesis statement : the truly effective is to use the limited source maximize and to satisfied most student’s interests.

At the first glance at the assertion that education will be truly effective only when it is satisfied with the individual needs and interests, there raise many doubts in my mind. First is the standard of effective which is directly connected with the action and method. Then the mention of the individual needs and interests of each students maybe not feasible in our daily lives with limited education sources. After solving this two doubts we may draw a conclusion which is feasible and in accordance with our abilities.

In the first place, I want to address the importance of what is the real effective. In accordance with classification of education system, different levels of education have different goals. In the primary school, the teaching of the curriculums in some basic subjects is essential. Students in that period do not know what they want to be, and cannot choose the real interests of their own with no clear self-consciousness. After students step into high school, teachers will provide more curriculums in a relative high level. Students will choose to learn what they interests with the judgment by themselves and the consideration about their further development. Then the studies after the entrances of the university or college is the real satisfaction of their interests and needs and have a further study of the subject what they devoted to. So the real effective of education is to provide enough chances for students in different levels and the interests and needs of individuals are buildings on the foundation of the variety of curriculums.

After the discussion about the effective of the different levels of education, we cannot deny the assertion that to satisfaction of everyone’s interests and needs. In fact, this is an ideal situation but when we consider the limited education sources that is almost imagination. We can take the example that only one cake and the problem is how to distribute it. If we give everyone the same, then no one well satisfied and the chosen of part of people they might full and boost the development or learn to make a bigger cake. It was same to education, with the proportion between student and teachers only 1:20 in China, the satisfied of everyone will disperse teachers attention and will not have a pleased result. So just as the current status said above, schools provide enough curriculums when people know how to choose and the work to meet the desires will done by students themselves and teachers will play the role as guides.

What comes last but not least is that education system arrange the curriculums may not take care of every student’s interests and needs and the satisfaction of most people are more essential. And in this path, the effective use of limited education sources will be maximized. Hence, the neglect of someone desires maybe have some effect on the society, but the effect compared with the whole society’s progress is too trivial and I believe that with a normal education he or she’s interest will find it place in the further study.

In conclusion, the assertion in the topic is pay attention to every individual person in the society and makes a perfect picture which only existed in Utopia. I do not mean that it is wrong, instead, I just want to express that it not practice in our society with limited education sources. And I still hope the dream to reach everyone’s interests or needs in education will fulfilled one day.

cynthia313UID: 2765794

argue203 by Cynthia
哎，一离开word就会打错很多字， 已经自己先改了，不麻烦互改童鞋了~~
TOPIC: ARGUMENT203 - The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."
WORDS: 427
TIME: 00:40:00
DATE: 2010-5-17 16:18:04

In this analysis, the arguer concludes that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than in larger, for-profit hospitals. This statement is base on the fact that the average length of a patient's stay is shorter and the cure rate is higher at the Saluda hospital, a small, nonprofit one, than in the Megaville hospital, which is in the nearby city and is large, for-profit. Moreover, more employees per patient and few complaints are in the Saluda hospital than in the Megaville hospital. This argument, which is lucid and logical at first glance, however, is suffered from several logical flaws.

First and foremost, the average length of a patient’s stay and the cure rate are not good standards to evaluate the quality of treatment. It is possible that the Saluda hospital only has the ability to deal with the patients with slight illness, while Megaville is capable of curing patients who are seriously ill. In this case, the longer length of patient's stay and the lower cure rate of Megaville hospital are not because of its poor treatment quality, but because the heavy ill patients themselves.

Moreover, the arguer unreasonably assumes that the higher employee-patient ratio is the indication of better treatment quality. Perhaps, the fewer employees per patient in Megaville hospital indicate its better management. Under this effective management, fewer employees are needed for the same quality of treatment, and the spending of running the hospital is also cutting down as consequence. Thus, the lower employee-patient ratio might indicate more effective management and more economical treatment the patients would receive in Megaville hospital.

What's more, the arguer does not provide any detail data to show that the complaints ratio in Saluda hospital is lower than Megaville hospital. The mere fact that there are fewer complaints in Saluda does not indicate a better treatment quality, since there might be only 10 patients per day in Saluda, while 1000 patients are treated in Megaville hospital.

Finally, even if the treatment of Saluda hospital is truly more economical and of better quality than treatment in Megaville, the arguer still can not generalize the conclusion to all the hospitals to assert that smaller, nonprofit hospitals' treatment is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals.

In sum, this argument is full of flaws which make it unconvincing. The arguer should provide more evidence to justify the treatment quality is truly better in Saluda hospital than in Megaville hospital, and should give us more information to support his generalization from these two hospitals to all the rest is reasonable.

cynthia313UID: 2765794

issue 103 by 小珂 修改 by Cynthia
As we know, history is required as a curriculum in the education,（偶不知道有没有这种说法呀？如果不确定的话直接删掉意思也一样的） from the elementary school to the university. I always think that the value of studying history for us in a modern society.（句子不完整, 前面改成think about?） As many people say, it helps us realize the development of a nation's culture, region, even environment, which will enrich one’s knowledge and broaden their horizons（收词）. However, in my opinion, the propounding value of studying history mainly appears in how it is served for the commentary society. Namely, when it is relevant to our daily lives, the only value it has. （这句话结构不对吧？都看不懂。。。是想表达只有当它和daily life联系起来才有价值吗？）

History can provide vast experience for us to absorb. But the valuable one is that which can help us solve the problems we face now. And studying history is just to find out the useful experience. For example,（through） studying a nation’s revolution history we can know the process of its development. But its value is aimed at affording the lessons that only if the revolution evolves with the productivity, it will（will it Only if 后面倒装） be successful.(又一句没懂……) So when one promotes an innovation in society now, he can employ the historical analysis to take the action so that avoid the similar tragedy once happened.

Someone may say that if history's value is only to the daily lives, why we learn something disappeared and not exist（existing） now? In the first sight of this view, it may be a good example to against the statement. To study(studying) the disappeared civilization seems no any meaning(of no meaning) but knowing that what once existed and then exterminated(韦氏解释exterminate: to get rid of completely usually by killing off, 感觉很动作很血腥，这个地方可能用一个意思是消失之类的次比较好). However, the historians always do not just satisfy (are not just satisfied with) these and they will research deeply to find out the explanation, which may have some warning for us today and remind us what to notice in the daily life. For instances, the consistent studying Maya civilization once existed is mainly to search for its disappearing reason so that help human beings avoid the suffering. (偶觉得这段论述不够充分， 万一历史学家没有找到原因，那么研究玛雅文明就不能和daily life联系起来，难道研究玛雅文明不就没意义了么？)

With respect to the famous few（？？individuals？） emerging in the history, we could find （that）they almost have the(similar) personalities such as courage, wisdom and honesty. Maybe someone will say that learning their characteristics can benefit an individual’s quality’s forming, which has a little relationship with the daily lives.(individuals’ quality forming明显和daily life有关啊) Nevertheless, If the people are encouraged deeply and willing to be a person（到底要用单数还是复数？） like the famous few, if they know the success can’t be made easily, will they be prone to give up when faced with the（they face） hardship? Maybe they will add(hold?) the optical attitude and confidence( be confident) to the life, (and/ thus反正加个连词吧) want to contribute themselves to the work, family, and society. From this perspective, we can’t deny its relevance with the daily lives. （这段感觉是在对一个明显的事实进行证明，“someone will say that learning their characteristics can benefit an individual’s quality’s forming, which has a little relationship with the daily lives.”这个someone太抽象了，我觉得怕是很少有人认为个人品质的形成和daily life无关吧~）

In sum, studying history can help us find （find out） what once occurred, exterminated, failed, and succeeded. But its only value is aimed at reminding, inspiring and encouraging us so that advancing the society’s development.（What is the relationship between daily life and the advance of society’s development?）
Otherwise, in the pragmatic times, why the nation will invest money to support it?

这篇文章没有偶改你前几次作文写的好哦~~可能是限时的缘故吧？有些句子和单词感觉不是很地道，还有些句子看不懂=。=文中都有标出；另外，Body的论述也不是很充分，段落中也都标记了~要加油咯~~

偶觉得这个文章要写赞同的话确实不太好写，顺便思考下发个小思路：
History study的意义是多方面的
1.
history study 对daily life 的直接意义。
2.
History在其他看似和daily life 无关的地方的意义
3.
这些貌似和daily life 无关的领域，其实最终还是要影响到daily life。.
4.
So, History study 最终都是对daily life 有意义。


大
da

yuanlinqinggreUID: 2755904

ISSUE 103
BY ELEVEN 修改 by yuanlinqinggre

Issue 103"The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives."

题目：历史研究只有和人们生活的日常生活相关时才有意义。

鉴于我这几天对于我自己使用词句方面的不信任，我更倾向于改你的文章内容以及逻辑论证，以下是我的观点：
这题我觉得论述的重点应该在于历史研究是否与人们生活相关时才有价值，然而我觉得你在这里更多的讨论的是历史研究在人们生活上的影响，感觉有一点偏题了。其实在这里我们可以对历史研究的目的进行讨论，从而得出衡量它value的方法。这样可能就会将题目的中心抓住了。

I feel really confused at first blush of this statement since it is blurring on(混淆) the definition of value, daily life and relevance. I try to interpret the author’s meaning from a general logical mode: only when the study of history affects the society right here and right now that it is valued. Obviously, if my interpretation is the author’s authentic meaning, the author fails to consider the comprehensive respects of history studying in regardless of essential aim and value of history research, which lies in drawing the road map of development and changing of future that facilitate both ourselves and our descendants.


Consider（用ing开头是否会好点呢？） the general interpretation of human history in terms of（赞）
political and military（我觉得这里应该是名词形式吧）. There is an old proverb in china:
the remembrance of the past is the teacher of the future. It implies that the conclusion and study of history teaches us avoid making the same mistakes. For example, the study of 5000 years ancient history of china tells us that the dynasty rule primarily contributes to the anguish of citizenry that makes people disapprove of the government, which was brought by inappropriate govern of monarch. The typically striking examples are tang dynasty and han dynasty.（这里有必要细说一下吧） Through the study of history, a monarch comprehends the tips he should notice which reminds him not to fall into the same error with the failure. From that aspect, since a monarch’s leading is tremendously relevant to denizens ‘welfare in
highly centralized feudal china，
the study of history do exert immediate effects on people’s daily life. However, we know that the complexion and characteristics are various from this monarch to that monarch, the concluding experiences do not roundly fit for every circumstances. The fact is, the study of history had never stopped in ancient china as the consequence of the commonly acknowledged rule in ancient China: the study results may support profound influence to descendents while only exert negligible effect on contemporaneous people.
【当把人类历史用政治和军事来解释的话，对于人类历史的研究确实对于当代人的生活有着巨大的影响】

When it comes to the study of scientific history, it is
different in approach but equally satisfactory in result
with the politically historic research. To study the history of motion of the earth and the weather is to realize the pattern of earth’s movement that can make us well-predicting of the disasters such as blizzard and earthquake, which helps minimize the loss of human being. Supposing there is a convincing report said that in the continuous 10 years, disasters will far away from human being, however, the result of scientific history is quotable for our descents.
【对于科学历史的研究，它同样有助于人类避免灾难】

Apart from those two fields, we also can get the same conclusion from the scrutiny of anthropologically historic research. When the origin of species wrote by Darwin revealed the secret of human being evolved into the dominative species of the earth is evolution but not god, it didn’t witness a dramatic revolution of people’s daily life in a long period. However, when we subject the formation of many prominent disciplines, which closely combine to our contemporary society such as sociology, anthropology and psychology, into scrutiny as descendents, we have to admit that many of them are derived from the booklet.
【我们从人类学的历史同样能得到同样的结论】

From the above analysis of many fields we can safely conclude that the study of history do exert simultaneous effects on people’s daily life, nevertheless, the pivotal aim and value of it lies in drawing a trace map which is quotable for our offspring in predicting their future.

yuanlinqinggreUID: 2755904

issue 51 by toywang  修改 by yuanlinqinggre
51. "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."


总的来说你这篇文章在这样一个实现内写出来还是十分不错的。不过就是有些单词的词性不太对。我在文中已经有所标出。资源的稀缺性这一前提也运用的十分好。

接下来，我就是想和你讨论一下你的主题句的问题。在ISSUE中，首段的倒数两句话是rater需找主题句的地方，然而我在那里没有找到，反而在第二段的最后一句话找到了，所以我觉得，你需要在第一段就把你的主题句亮出来。详情可去参考草木斑竹的fundamental courses of writing.


Thesis statement : the truly effective is to use the limited source maximize and to satisfied most student’s interests.
At the first glance at the assertion that education will be truly effective only when it is satisfied with the individual needs and interests, there raise many doubts in my mind. First is the standard of effective which is directly connected with the action and method. Then the mention of the individual needs and interests of each students maybe not feasible in our daily lives with limited education sources. After solving this two doubts we may draw a conclusion which is feasible and in accordance with our abilities.
In the first place, I want to address the importance of what is the real effective (education system). In accordance with(赞) classification of education system, different levels of education have different goals. In the primary school, the teaching of the curriculums in some basic subjects is essential. Students in that period do not know what they want to be, and cannot choose the real interests of their own with no clear self-consciousness. After students step into high school, teachers will provide more curriculums in a relative high level. Students will choose to learn what they interests with the judgment by themselves and the consideration about their further development. Then the studies after the entrances of the university or college is the real satisfaction of their interests and needs and have a further study of the subject what they devoted to. So the real effective of education is to provide enough chances for students in different levels and the interests and needs of individuals are buildings on the foundation of the variety of curriculums.
【对于什么是effective 的education进行了讨论】

After the discussion about the effectiveness of the different levels of education, we cannot deny the assertion that to satisfaction of everyone’s interests and needs. （we cannot ignore the importance of satisfying everyone’s needs and interests.） In fact, this is an ideal situation but when we consider the limited education sources that is almost imagination. We can take the example that only one cake and the problem is how to distribute it. If we give everyone the same, then no one well satisfied and the chosen of part of people they might full and boost the development or learn to make a bigger cake. It was same to education, with the proportion between student and teachers only 1:20 in China, the satisfied(这里应该是个名词) of everyone will disperse（distract怎样） teachers attention and will not have a pleased result. So just as the current status said above, schools provide enough curriculums when people know how to choose and the work to meet the desires will done by students themselves and teachers will play the role as guides.
【对于specially designed education的一定程度上的肯定】

What comes last but not least is that education system arrange(s) the curriculums may not take care of every student’s interests and needs and the satisfaction of most people are more essential. And in this path, the effective use of limited education sources will be maximized. Hence, the neglect of someone desires maybe have some effect（side effect） on the society, but the effect compared with the whole society’s progress is too trivial and I believe that with a normal education he or she’s interest will find it place in the further study.
【然而，由于教育资源的有限，分阶段的做法更能将教育资源最大化，最有效地使用】

In conclusion, the assertion in the topic is pay attention to every individual person in the society and makes a perfect picture which only existed in Utopia. I do not mean that it is wrong, instead, I just want to express that it not practice ( it is nor practical ) in our society with limited education sources. And I still hope the dream to reach everyone’s interests or needs in education will fulfilled one day.( I still hope that….)