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本帖最后由 ILOVECHEMISTRY 于 2015-7-17 08:50 编辑
7.13 (https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1858712-1-1.html, 14号补写的)
issue 15
Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
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I strongly disagree that educational institutions should encourage their students to study in a lucrative field for the following obvious reasons. First, it's almost impossible to make sure which field will contribute a lucrative career to the students after four-year study, 断句other possible factors such as a promising job market, good social skills and qualified working styles also count a lot. Moreover, driven by the incentive to pursue a so called lucrative job presumably after graduation alone, the students may find it hard to engage fully into the study, if they don't have a strong passion towards the major that seems lucrative on the surface. Also, educational institutions may prefer to cultivate as many successful alumni as possible, 断句hopefully, such successful graduates will donate money later after they can enjoy the lucrative jobs. Yet this may be just a beautiful wish again, students lack of interest may not find such a well-paid job. Even if they can get a decent salary doing what they don't like,断句 they may not donate any money again considering that the mother school once made the choice for him or her against his or her wills. 注意题目是说encourage不是require
a lucrative field搭配
obvious reasons- two reasons
contribute a lucrative career to the students 搭配
你的开头段写得太长了 主旨句只需要概括后面的主要观点就行了
To begin with, no field can exactly output lucrative jobs just because the title of that field. To get a decent job with decent salary, factors such as a booming market, excellent interpersonal skills, teamwork spirit and qualified working capabilities contribute equally. A job in the field of economy may get paid higher than that of chemistry, yet not all the cases share the same trend and same result. To get a good opportunity, the candidates themselves need to be qualified to the standards of the career, other factors mentioned above also counts a million. That is, the idea of so-called lucrative field was no more than a wishful thinking.
no field can exactly output lucrative jobs搭配
factors和前面的不定式不搭
factors contribute equally 搭配
yet not all the cases share the same trend and same result.表达有问题
qualified to the standards of the career搭配 选词
counts a million搭配 表达
What's more, students may find it hard to get involved into the advocated "lucrative" field of study. Without enough interest to engage themselves into the study materials, they may suffer from lack of passion and motivation. Under such scenario, they may not prepare themselves very well to the job market, especially if they failed the exams. For these unlucky students, to get a job is the hard part of their life, let alone to choose a lucrative job. Even some students do find a lucrative job after graduation, they may not enjoy the job; lack of working passion and routine run will make their career choices less meaningful. Their long-term career benefits will compromise with the living pressure.
get involved into 选词 搭配
Without enough interest 你不能直接跳到这里说没兴趣 需要先说对于这个领域可能没有兴趣
prepare themselves very well to the job market- for
benefits will compromise -搭配
It's understandable for educational institutions to cultivate more alumni, successful ones especially. Such graduates may donate a lot of money after enjoying the fruit of lucrative careers. Yet the cases are not always like that. To the majority, chances are that students may not donate a lot of money if they don't directly benefit from the career choice based on their mother school's recommendation. In some cases, the graduates may regard the once recommendation a waste of their valuable time and reject to donate even a penny to the school. It's hard to evaluate the benefits of such a practice just based on lucrative orientations on the surface.
你这段没有回应挑战的动作
if they don't directly benefit from the career choice based on their mother school's recommendation.不懂你的意思
To sum up, the starting points of such educational institutions to recommend students to major in lucrative field of study are warm-hearted, yet it's hard to tell which major is lucrative in the future practically. Moreover, students pushed into the superficial lucrative field may realize day after day that they totally don't like the field, such choices actually go against the will of education, let alone to mention the lucrative benefits of such choices.
语言表达问题很大
自评:
1)计时写的,用来54min.
2)感觉还是王老师的思路比较流畅,起承转合之间很自然,自己写的过程中总是有一些停顿,就是写着写着就停下来了。得想一想,接着写。
3)考虑到,事先看来王老师的范文,构思都是有参考的。所以其实在真实考试环境下30min 写出满意的结果来,还需要大量的练习!
谢谢王老师这样天使般的助考活动!
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根据王老师的批改做修改 :
I strongly disagree that educational institutions should encourage their students to study in a lucrative field for the following two reasons. First, it's almost impossible to tell which field will guarantee a lucrative career to the students after four-year study; moreover, driven by the incentive to pursue a so called lucrative job alone, the students may find it hard to engage fully into the study owing to lack of interest, let alone to enjoy the future job. Also, educational institutions may prefer to cultivate as many successful alumni as possible to collect possible donation years later, yet this policy may let the graduates down.
重新研读了王老师的范文,发现自己的开头太罗嗦,太长!学习老师的风格:短小精干,要点明确。另外搭配不当的地方已经改过来,以后提醒自己不要随便造词,老老实实按照标准的方式来写。
“I strongly disagree that students should be encouraged to choose their study areas for future lucrative careers for two reasons. First, no studies in any given fields can guarantee the so-called lucrative careers in the future; moreover, students who choose the fields with the hope of lucrative careers may not enjoy their studies and their future works. While the educational institutions may be interested in cultivating future successful alumni, this policy may lead to dissatisfaction among the graduates.”
王老师的开头,对比一下,发现自己还是有些长,以后多学习这种风格。
To begin with, no major can exactly ensure that lucrative jobs will be necessarily available to the graduates. To get a decent job with decent salary, it requires collective factors such as a booming market, excellent interpersonal skills, teamwork spirit, qualified working capabilities, and a good luck. A job in the field of economy may get paid higher than that of chemistry by chances, yet it not always the case. To get a good opportunity, the candidates themselves need to be equipped with qualified skills to cope with the problems in their daily work; besides, other factors mentioned above also counts a lot. Lucrative job never comes readily, the idea of so-called lucrative field was no more than a wishful thinking.
What's more, students may find it hard to commit themselves to the advocated "lucrative" field of study. They may not follow the study schedule, not understand the studying materials, and not show enough motivation to learn the course on their own. Under such scenario, they may not prepare themselves very well to the job market, especially if they failed the exams. For these unlucky students, to get a job is kind of a harsh business, let alone to choose a lucrative job. Even some students do find a lucrative job after graduation, they may not enjoy the job; lack of working passion and routine run will make their career choices less meaningful. Their long-term career benefits will compromise with the living pressure.
It's understandable for educational institutions to cultivate more alumni, successful ones especially. Such graduates may donate a lot of money after enjoying the fruit of lucrative careers. To the majority, chances are that students may not donate a lot of money if they don't directly benefit from the career choices guided by their school's recommendation. In some cases, the graduates may regard the once recommendation a waste of their valuable time, they may find their way to the fortune only after giving up the school’s recommendation. Under such conditions, they may reject to donate even a penny to the school, although they have a lot of money.
To sum up, the intentions of such educational institutions to recommend students to major in a lucrative field are warm-hearted, yet it's hard to tell which major is lucrative in the future practically. Moreover, students pushed into the superficial lucrative field may realize day after day that they totally don't like the field; such choices actually go against the will of education, let alone to mention the lucrative benefits of such choices.
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