[习作点评] 写的第一篇issue。。求批改。完全写不出来内容的感觉 [复制链接]

wiedersehen88
UID: 3645122

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 50
寄托币: 101
注册时间: 2015-8-8
精华: 0
帖子: 14

发表于 2015-8-8 18:03:56 |显示全部楼层

题目：A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college.
作文如下：It is a naturally process for cultural integration.
The way to make and propel a set of same national currocilum for single racial country is necessary and it is very easy process to accomplish.It can alse be used to model a social sense of value and rules of people' deed in our society.When it comes to a multiracial or a multi family country,it can,in primary eduction state,use the common sense of value that all members in our country agree with in their own outline of education is a brillant method to let people have a deeper comperhension of other racial.To make our nation solidarity and keep our society steady.
But,carry out the same basic outline of eduction in the whole country with blindness can cause a lot of problems which are not tractable to handle.Above all,every nation may have their own language and writting they accustomed to,it is difficult to unify them.So,require all students to learn same courses is a thing out of hand.
In addition,let all students to have the same class before they go to college with force will increse resources of teachers and implements needs,and for every racial has its own standard of right or wrong,it may also raise the probality of conflict between different racial students.It goes even far from what the goverment initial purpose of use national eductional policy to promote national amalgamation,former a common cultural sense of worth.
Cultural integration is a natural and approximate procedure.To develope and propel a system of same national curriculum must respect every nation's particulities and protect their relevent independent curtual value and their own traditions.

相关帖子 Updated by 2026.02.25

使用道具举报

yzysimon
UID: 3629689

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 50
寄托币: 50
注册时间: 2015-6-21
精华: 0
帖子: 17

发表于 2015-8-10 00:13:25 |显示全部楼层

Possible problems of your essay:

1.你没有写出instruction，不过从你的文章来看，感觉是在写possible consequence

2.很多单词拼写有误。比如说currocilum,eduction,probality等等

3.语法问题，比如说"It is a naturally process for cultural integration." 应该是"It is a natural process for cultural integration."

4.语义不明，比如说" Cultural integration is a natural and approximate procedure"，approximate是什么意思？

5.缺少例子

6.第4段”let all students to have the same class before they go to college with force will increse resources of teachers and implements needs“ 显得突兀，因为你没有说明原因...另外，第3段你的reason我也可以反驳。美国就是一个多民族融合的国家，可是美国全国通用英语，考试亦然。

7.在结尾，你没有重申你的观点，而是在解释一个制定"national curriculum“的过程，是一个无关概念。

Suggestions:

1. 写完作文记得检查，检查一下拼写错误什么的
2. 建议多背北美范文，比如说OG里面的两篇score5和6的范文，了解基本行文结构。（不背也要多看几遍）

PS:

希望有时间你也能帮我改改我的argument~

链接：https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... xtra=#pid1779815020

双非DIY美硕申请总结

使用道具举报