Tough Break (再战200610G) argument提交贴

licheewu28UID: 2131182

关于那个up-to-date computer

回头看了一下，应该是按你的理解才对

licheewu28UID: 2131182

ISSUE 7 Video camera & written records
WORDS: 529          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2006-7-17
提纲:Disagree with concession
1.        video camera的发明为当代生活提供了重要的记录手段, 它在记录上有许多优点, 即时即地, 声形并貌, 生动逼真形象, 丰富人类文化生活. 世界杯期间亲临会场的观众和新闻工作者journalists用VC拍摄下激动人心的画面.
2.        书面记录作为传统的记录方式不会被取代. A书面记录本身已经有几千年的历史, 人们对这种记录方式的依赖已经形成了一种自然习惯. B而且, 书面记录有很多VC无法取代的优势, 如法律条文、合同、协议(complex stipulation, agreement, contract, trust etc.)，对数字和图形的说明, 历史记录, 对人物形象和心理的刻画. C成本较低
3.        最理想的记录方式是VC和书面记录相结合. 新闻出版行业是一个重要体现。

Technological development brings human being a myriad of changes, and even our world looks far different from the past. The video camera is one of the typical high-technological tools which give the human a new appearance, by which we can keep any exciting or crucial time in a small reservoire and replay it and leave it to our offsprings. However, such an advanced tool will not replace the traditional recording methods-----writing although the camera has so many advantages
Admittedly, the video camera is quite more beneficial in catching all kinds of pictures and recording sounds and becomes one of top convincing record nowadays. Anytime and anywhere one can take not only quiet but also moving and voicing occassions. Moreover, as study of digital products makes progress, pictures and sounds taken by the tool are more and more similar to the true world. In this way, people are always utilizing it to keep important information. A tourist likes to eye a number of beautiful scenes with a digital camera and "write down" what he experiences and watches. A biological scholar makes use of the tool to study activities of his researched objection. During the course of World Cup, many audiences took on-the-spot pictures and share them with those staying far from the match. The camera is of extreme importance in the line of journalism and television. Without it, companies in the line would be bankrupt. Therefore, the video camera is so significant to human being that human life would be grey without it.
However, will the original written records survive from the colorful world with the video camera? Of course it will. After all writing in paper has its own absolute advatages. First of all, people have been in the deep habit of writing words even if there are other recording methods. Writing is thousands of years old from the beginning of human history. Previously, our ancestor wrote words with stones and woods. At present, we do our writing in pen. From beginning to end, we have never live without the writing way since we are so habitted. Secondly, many records have to depend on writing because only writing can make good and thorough resersion of them. For example, some complex contracts and agreements, legal stipulations can only be indicated clearly to people. Abound of stastical and quantative data can be expressed well through writing. Many literal works are produced by writing out appearance, expression and psychological mind of characters. Last but not least, writing is the cheapest recording way comparatively.
As a matter of fact, the two ways of recording are not contradictory but compementary with each other. People use writing and picturing at the same time and keep good records of all occassions. Journalism is a ypical example to show the combination of the two ways is ideal to document. Jounalists takes pictures and give explination with written words.
From what discussed above, although the video camera can provide such right and real record of human life, it will never take place of written records because writing is advantageous in many aspects. Moreover, the combination of the two ways is the best way for people to make documentation.

雨城浪子UID: 2204265

dear LiCheeWu,

I'll take yours. This comment is quite rough, fine tune will be uploaded very soon...
Can you please shift this ISSUE to a correct BBS? This place is fixed for ARGUMENT. I will wait for you to shift, then I can only shift this comment. Then we won't mess up the BBS.

Anyway, you may remain this place to insert your ARGUMENT, and I will reserve mine to put comment about your next ARGUMENT... deal my dear?


dear comrades,

I suggest when we correct other issues or arguments, we may standardize and put it into a 'quote' form.

regards,
YiHua
RainY TowN

原帖由 licheewu28 于 2006-7-18 10:03 发表

7.17作业提交 ISSUE 7

ISSUE 7 Video camera & written records
WORDS: 529          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2006-7-17
7."The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."

提纲isagree with concession
1.        video camera的发明为当代生活提供了重要的记录手段, 它在记录上有许多优点, 即时即地, 声形并貌, 生动逼真形象, 丰富人类文化生活. 世界杯期间亲临会场的观众和新闻工作者journalists用VC拍摄下激动人心的画面.
2.        书面记录作为传统的记录方式不会被取代. A书面记录本身已经有几千年的历史, 人们对这种记录方式的依赖已经形成了一种自然习惯. B而且, 书面记录有很多VC无法取代的优势, 如法律条文、合同、协议(complex stipulation, agreement, contract, trust etc.)，对数字和图形的说明, 历史记录, 对人物形象和心理的刻画. C成本较低
3.        最理想的记录方式是VC和书面记录相结合. 新闻出版行业是一个重要体现。

Technological development brings human being a myriad of changes, and even our world looks far different from the past. The video camera is one of the typical high-technological tools which give the human a new appearance, by which we can keep any exciting or crucial time in a small reservoire (reservoir) and replay it and leave it to our offsprings (offspring plural unchanged). However, such an advanced tool will not replace the traditional recording methods-----(hyphen is too long)writing although the camera has so many advantages

Admittedly, the video camera is quite more beneficial in catching all kinds of pictures and (in) recording sounds and becomes one of top convincing record nowadays. Anytime and anywhere one can take not only quiet but also moving and voicing occassions (vivaciously and animatedly occasions). Moreover, as study of digital products makes progress, pictures and sounds taken by the tool are more and more similar to the true world. In this way, people are always utilizing it to keep important information. A tourist likes to eye a number of beautiful scenes with a digital camera and "write down"(record)what he experiences and watches. A biological scholar makes use of the tool to study activities of his researched objection. During the course of World Cup, many audiences took on-the-spot pictures and share them with those staying far from the match. The camera is of extreme importance in the line of journalism and television. Without it, companies in the line would be bankrupt. Therefore, the video camera is so significant to human being that human life would be grey without it.

However, will the original written records survive from the colorful world with the video camera? Of course it will. After all writing in paper has its own absolute advatages (advantages). First of all, people have been in the deep habit of writing words even if there are other recording methods. Writing is thousands of years old from the beginning of human history. Previously, our ancestor wrote words with stones and woods. At present, we do our writing in pen. From beginning to end, we have never live without the writing way since we are so habitted (stuck in a groove) (Perhaps it is one of the methods of learning). Secondly, many records have to depend on writing because only writing can make good and thorough resersion of them. For example, some complex contracts and agreements, legal stipulations can only be indicated clearly to people. Abound of stastical (statistical) and quantative (quantitative) data can be expressed well through writing. Many literal works are produced by writing out appearance, expression and psychological mind of characters. Last but not least, writing is the cheapest recording way comparatively (You may consider to extend this idea, cost of recording).

You may insert this point to enhance your description. (Video – visionary recording whereas writing is more material. Words in writing is conceptual which cannot be displayed through vision, e.g. literature)

As a matter of fact, the two ways of recording are not contradictory but compementary (complimentary) with each other. People use writing and picturing at the same time and keep good records of all occassions. Journalism is a ypical example to show the combination of the two ways is ideal to document. Jounalists (Journalists) takes pictures and give explination (explanation) with written words.

From what discussed above (According to what have been discussed above), although the video camera can provide such right and real record of human life, it will never take place of written records because writing is advantageous in many aspects. Moreover, the combination of the two ways is the best way for people to make documentation.


Aptly, I’m no an expert, I think, overall the essay is quite ok. You may try to use longer sentences to convey your ideas.

As mentioned by 相见不如怀念, later, you may check those typo errors with Microsoft Word, and this program can also notify some minor grammatical errors. We may try to look for major grammatical errors and how you construct and elaborate your ideas.

Besides, you can try to select a word and press "Shift + F7", Microsoft Word may show you antonym and synonym.
God bless...

regards,
YiHua
RainY TowN

[ 本帖最后由 雨城浪子 于 2006-7-18 19:49 编辑 ]

licheewu28UID: 2131182

原帖由 相见不如怀念 于 2006-7-17 08:39 发表
The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
'Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests th ...

修改 相见的 ARGU147
The arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To support this conclusion the arguer points out that the currently declined sales trend would be reversed based on the study of video-game players. To argue further, the arguer he cites that most video-game players from the survey prefer the lifelike graphics bestowed by the games, which are accessible to Whirlwine as it has introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed to the most likely video-game players' group. The arguer's 删掉argument is problematic in several respects, rendering the argument unconvincing as it stands.

First of all, the arguer unfairly assumes that the respondents of the survey represents all, most at least, video-game players' voices that all of them would like to choose games with lifelike graphics. Lacking evidences删掉 that how many of the video game players participate in the survey and to which extent can they stand for the preference of all potential video-game players who would choose Whirlwind, it is entirely possible that just they only are small fraction of the potential customers with unique choice for the games. Perhaps, most of the video-game players think games with other characteristics would be better choices. Without considering and eliminating these and other possible alternative explanations for these, the arguer cannot convincingly conclude that more video-game players prefer the games with lifelike graphics.

Secondly, the arguer fails to indicate the feasibility of the advertising campaign of games with lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Perhaps, the most up-to date computers cost more and increase the production cost at first without bringing positive sales at the end. Perhaps, the advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 is not suitable without clear market research to show that they are the target customers for the lifelike graphic games' sales.针对most up-to-date computers,可以考虑攻击成本问题，If such kind of computers cover high cost, it is not assured that sales income will definitely exceed the cost, and thus profit will not come as expected.
Thirdly, the arguer fails to assume the people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. Lacking the evidence that those people are the ones who participate in the survey and do represent the likeliness to choose lifelike graphics, the arguer cannot convince me that those people would contribute to the sales of Whilrwind. Possibly, many people at other age-group are fond of the games too, without targeted by the advertising campaign.

In sum, the arguer fails to provide key evidence needed to support its claim. To better assess the study's reliability I would need more information about the number of the respondents and how are theirs preference for the games. To strengthen the argument, the arguer避免重复 must provide more compelling evidence that people aged 10 to 25 are the most likely age-group are the persons who respond to the survey and are most likely to play vide games. In order to better evaluate the argument, I would need more information about the relationship between the popularity of the lifelike graphic games and the sales of Whirlwind video games.
论证比较详细，用词要避免重复

相见不如怀念UID: 2229685

Lichee,这个是argument贴，应该放到ISSUE里面啊~ 老实说会不会觉得这样放很乱哪?不然咱们想个办法吧！或者继续这样,或者用其他组的形式,放链接进来?

我觉得修改的时候用quote的形式比较好，就是前后加代码[quote][/quote]。然后一定记得要指出改的是谁的作业~~~~~~~~~不然真的很乱的说,而且会漏掉~~~~

dnaitUID: 2206459

7-16偶的
没限时,500多字,大概花了1h 20min

ISSUE-50T "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."

　I disagree with the speaker’s statement that all faculty should be required to working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach to improve the quality of instruction at the college. More sense are needed to determine whether it is suitable for all faculty spend time in working outside the academic world, for it is likely that some of them may fail to benefit from this activity as they wished finally.

　First of all, different characteristics of various academic fields determine that alternative methods should be use in their special ways suitably, thus knowledge and experience are handed down and spread correctly. Faculty has to face the challenge how to improve the quality of instruction with the explosion of information and improvement of society and technology, especially in practice inclined fields such as architecture, law, social science, computer science and so on. It is not enough for a teacher in his architecture class to show colorful building designs illustrated in the book and ask for all students to memory all vapid formulas printed in black. Practical experience is far more of importance than that theory. Giving faculty opportunity to work outside the academic world relevant to their course affirmatively can broad their ken and assist them in guiding students to comprehend knowledge and grasp them deeply.
　
　Secondly, this opportunity to work outside, however, is not for every one of them. Some teachers like in molecular biology, atom energy physics and mathematics would not think it will help them more. In fact, mostly achievement of these fields came from the special conditions which hardly relate to outside work and most of these fields belong to pure theoretical research. The topmost theoretical concepts are born in their labs not outside. Occasionally academic communication like forums may be a rather better way to broad their ken than work outside though it is relevant to the courses they teach. After all, the information outside is always outdated compared with one in laboratories.
　
　Admittedly, spending time in professions relevant to the course they teach is not a bad suggestion. From another angle, working outside in their teaching fields may give faculty some other illumination instead of expertise. How to deal with your senior and junior and how to protect your knowledge property right can be the most of students’ future experience. It is obvious that more interesting practical stories used aptly in boring professional knowledge courses will hold students’ interest and it maybe come to give a quality improvement of the instruction. Yet all teachers will pay attention that jokes still are marginal of your class, strong professional background plays a role as a leading actor in the courses instead.
　
　To sum up, I still disagree with the speaker’s assertion. To require all faculty to work outside hardly benefits everyone of them in increasing the teaching quality though the profession is relevant to their course. This requirement is only designed for some of them, and more diverse better methods should be explored to meet others’ need.
　
ARGUMENT-145.A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.

请路路和红魔麻烦修改一下,谢谢批评指正.

相见不如怀念UID: 2229685

呵呵,点名修改也比较好.................

munickyUID: 2122843

In this argument, the author made a recommendation that the one who snores should eat less and exercise. To bolster his/her recommendation, the author cited a study result in which points out that people who snores would be easily to gain weight, he/she also asserts that those snoring persons always stop breathing , and that is why they often feel tied to exercise. Nevertheless, careful scrutiny reveals that this recommendation lacks substantiated evidence to support.

First of all, the author asserts that there is some breathe interruption during the snoring, but there are not any convincing research results to support this view. Without credible evidence, the author's assertion is dubious at best. Thus, in order to make his/her recommendation reasonable, more details about this assertion should be provided.

Secondly, even though the interruption of breathing during snoring does exists, the author's assumption that it caused the people who snore too tired to exercise is logically flawed. No evidence assured us that this interruption does wakes people, even if it does , it is entirely possible that this kind of waking is so short that its influence to sleeping is neglectable. For those matters, there might not be significant relationship between snoring and fatigue and there are more important reasons, Perhaps the work of those people exhaust them , and perhaps their pressure of lives keep them from taking exercise. In a word, unless the author provide more convincing evidence that snoring caused people's fatigue, a myriad of possibilities might detriment his/her recommendation.

Finally, the author draws the recommendation resting on two assumptions:(1)snoring does caused people to gain weight, but firstly, the author lacks evidence to support his/her assertion that it is snoring that caused people's fatigue to exercise; secondly, we are not assured that who lead the study cited and if it is credible, without eliminating those puzzles the assumptions is not substantiated. (2)eating less and taking more exercises do can help people lose weight, yet everybody knows that there are lots of factors influencing one's weight, not only eating and exercise, but also healthy life style. A reasonable diet then can help keep figure rather than just less food. Thus, both those two assumptions are flawed, then the recommendation is dubious.

All in all, the recommendation is not substantiated, to bolster it, the author need more evidence to convince me that there is certain relationship between snoring and gaining weight, the assumption of it should also be checked.

munickyUID: 2122843

原帖由 dnait 于 2006-7-18 17:37 发表
7-16偶的
没限时,500多字,大概花了1h 20min

ISSUE-50T "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working ...

I disagree with the speaker’s statement that all faculty (faculties) should be required to working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach to improve the quality of instruction at the college. More sense are needed to determine whether it is suitable for all faculty (to) spend time in working outside the academic world, for it is likely that some of them may fail to benefit from this activity as they wished finally.

　First of all, different characteristics of various academic fields determine that alternative methods should be use in their special ways suitably, thus knowledge and experience are handed down and spread correctly. Faculty has to face the challenge how to improve the quality of instruction with [/color](for) the explosion of information and improvement of society and technology, especially in practice inclined fields such as architecture, law, social science, computer science and so on. It is not enough for a teacher in his architecture class to show colorful building designs illustrated in the book and ask for all students to memory all vapid formulas printed in black. Practical experience is far more of importance than that theory. Giving faculty opportunity to work outside the academic world relevant to their course affirmatively can broad their ken and assist them in guiding students to comprehend knowledge and grasp
　说理部分过多，应适当多加些例子，加强说服力。
　Secondly, this opportunity to work outside, however, is not (suit) for every one of them. Some teachers like in molecular biology, atom energy physics and mathematics would not think it will help them more. In fact, mostly achievement of these fields came from the special conditions which hardly relate to outside work and most of these fields belong to pure theoretical research. The topmost theoretical concepts are born in their labs not outside. Occasionally academic communication like forums may be a rather better way to broad their ken than work outside though it is relevant to the courses they teach. After all, the information outside is always outdated compared with one in laboratories.
　
　Admittedly, spending time in professions relevant to the course they teach is not a bad suggestion. From another angle, working outside in their teaching fields may give faculty some other illumination instead of expertise. How to deal with your senior and junior and how to protect your knowledge property right can be the most of students’ future experience. It is obvious that more interesting practical stories used aptly in boring professional knowledge courses will hold students’ interest and it maybe come to give a quality improvement of the instruction. Yet all teachers will pay attention that jokes still are marginal of your class, strong professional background plays a role as a leading actor in the courses instead.
　
　To sum up, I still disagree with the speaker’s assertion. To require all faculty to work outside hardly benefits everyone of them in increasing the teaching quality though the profession is relevant to their course. This requirement is only designed for some of them, and more diverse better methods should be explored to meet others’ need.
全文欠缺例证，而且感觉全文思路安排不太合适，建议把你的第二段放在第四段的位置上，因为他读起来更像有结合两方面的意味。

雨城浪子UID: 2204265

Strategies:
1. The cost of energy is getting higher. Homeowners are gradually keen to conserve energy.
2. The survey did not include the population and development of the area and it should also include the yearly consumption of energy of the area.
3. Although home appliances and technology of insulation are more energy efficient, the types of newly created home appliance/gadget are more than the past decade. Therefore the demand for electricity will increase too.
4. Not everybody is able to purchase expensive newly developed high efficient electrical gadget and new home heating e.g. passive solar heating. The usage of solar heating depends on weather.
5. The three electric generating plants for the past 20 years are getting old and their efficiency in generating energy will possibly reduce.



字数：425          用时：40 min (2nd argument, next target: 30 min)          日期：2006-7-18


In this argument, the assumption, drew by the planning department, proposed that the construction of new electrical power plants should not be necessary because the old three power plants will meet the future needs. This assumption was fundamental on some weakly correlated aspects. Careful inspection of the connection of these few considered aspects, unveil, however, that the relationship of various aspects provides a scant support at best for the argument.

Turning first to the considered aspect of the recent survey, it mentioned that the homeowners are keen to conserve energy, but it neglected the fact that the homeowners may use the saved amount of energy in other newly developed electrical gadgets, e.g. personal computers, a larger plasma TV set which are quite rare in the past twenty years. Besides, the survey did not focus on the local homeowners. A general view of homeowners may not be similar to the local homeowners as the trend of using electric power may not be the same.

Nevertheless, the survey did not include the population and development of the local area and it should also include the yearly consumption of energy of the area. For instance, the survey should show whether population is increasing or decreasing. The town or district planning of the local area has to be considered by the department too, if the development of manufacturing area is gradually increasing, the needs and consumption of power will be affected.

The survey should also investigate the social status of homeowners. Not everybody is able to purchase expensive newly developed high efficient electrical gadget and new home heating device e.g. passive solar heating. In addition, some of alternative energy home appliances heavily rely on weather, e.g. solar heating instruments.

Even if home appliances and technology of insulation are more energy efficient, the types of newly created home appliance/gadget are more than the past decade. The homeowners may get used to the newly created electrical gadget therefore the demand for electricity will increase too.

Turning to the three electric generating plants, which have been used for the past 20 years, are getting older and their efficiency in generating energy will possibly reduce. At least the department should consider renovation or construction of new power plant.

Eventually, as it indicates that the argument and reasons given by the planning department are weak. To strengthen the argument, more survey evidences mentioned above should be provided by the department. To better access the argument, it would be useful to coordinate with the district municipal planning in order to estimate the needs of electricity.




Dear comrades,
Please help to comment this argument, thanks... in billion...

Dear 相见不如怀念,
Thanks for your emails. I think, I may write those issues and arguments which you asked for 'Strategies' only. Then we can cover more topics.

regards,
YiHua
RainY TowN

雨城浪子UID: 2204265

Scientists studying historical weather patterns have discovered that in
the mid-sixth century, Earth suddenly became significantly cooler.
Although few historical records survive from that time, some accounts
found both in Asia and Europe mention a dimming of the sun and extremely
cold temperatures. Either a huge volcanic eruption or a large meteorite
colliding with Earth could have created a large dust cloud throughout
Earth's atmosphere that would have been capable of blocking enough
sunlight to lower global temperatures significantly. A large meteorite
collision, however, would probably create a sudden bright flash of light,
and no extant historical records of the time mention such a flash. Some
surviving Asian historical records of the time, however, mention a loud
boom that would be consistent with a volcanic eruption. Therefore, the
cooling was probably caused by a volcanic eruption.


Strategies:
1. Large dust cloud throughout the Earth’s atmosphere would not only block sunlight, but also hinder heat from escaping to the universe.
2. To create such dust clout to enclose the Earth’s atmosphere, it needs a lot of dust. A volcanic eruption should be capable and continuous to provide such myriad amount of dust, and it was not just a sudden boom of eruption.
3. If it was due to meteorite, the location of the crater caused by collision of meteorite might be located at somewhere out of Asia, e.g. North or South America. That was why Asia did not record such a bright and sudden flash. Even if the collision happened, meteorite would bring a huge amount of energy to stir up the whole climate of the Earth, extremely cold temperature would not happen; instead, extremely hot temperature would take place.
4. A loud boom might be due to earthquake. And the sound of earthquake can propagate through a longer distance on earth compared to volcanic eruption as the medium of the sound propagation of the eruption is air/atmosphere.


字数：498          用时：40 min (3rd Argument, next target: 30 min)          日期：2006-7-18

In this argument, the assumption that the cooling of the earth climate was probably caused by a volcanic eruption is at first glance to be a noticeable conclusion. The author relies only on some limited historical facts and tried to associate those events instead of analyzing and considering the consequences of the occurring events. Close inspection of the connection of the events, reveals, however, that the linkage provides a scant support at best for the author’s argument.

Turning first to the considered aspect in the argument, the author stated that large dust cloud covering throughout the Earth’s atmosphere would block enough sunlight to the Earth, but the author did not notice that large dust cloud can also hinder heat from escaping to the universe. Large cloud has higher possibility to increase the temperature of the Earth instead of lowering the temperature, and this phenomenon is just similar to greenhouse effect.

Even if the argument of volcanic eruption is valid, to create such dust cloud to enclose the Earth’s atmosphere and hindering sunlight to penetrate the atmosphere, it really needs a lot of dust. Even a tremendous volcanic eruption had occurred, it should be capable and continuous to provide such myriad amount of dust, and it was not just a sudden boom of eruption. Besides, dust is heavier than atmospheric air, and it would fall in the surface of the Earth within a few days. To resist sunlight from piercing the atmosphere, dust should be supplied constantly for a few weeks or even a few months to lower the temperature of the Earth.

Turning to another possibility, if the extreme cold temperature was due to meteorite, the location of the crater caused by collision of meteorite might be located at somewhere out of Asia, e.g. North or South America. That was why Asia did not record such a bright and sudden flash. Even if the collision happened, meteorite would bring a huge amount of kinetic energy to stir up the whole climate of the Earth, extremely cold temperature would not happen, but extremely hot temperature would take place.

Turning to the loud boom, it had high possibility been caused by earthquake. And the sound of earthquake can propagate through a longer distance on earth compared to volcanic eruption as the medium of the sound propagation of the eruption is atmospheric air. The loud boom of volcanic is local and it would not travel to a longer distance compared with earthquake wave.

Eventually, as it indicates that the argument and reasons given by the author are weak. To strengthen the argument, more archeology evidences should be provided by the author. To better access the argument, it would be useful to use scientific simulation to simulate an immense volcanic eruption and to calculate the amount of dust have to be supplied, the number of days needed and the heat transfer calculation (i.e. heat provided by the sunlight and heat released to the universe) in order to lower down the Earth temperature.





Dear comrades,
Please help to comment this argument, thanks... in billions...billions
This argument is quite challenging...

Shall I stick to someone in giving comment? I'm looking for a partner to inter-correct assignments.


regards,
YiHua
RainY TowN




[ 本帖最后由 雨城浪子 于 2006-7-19 11:49 编辑 ]

zhuluUID: 2134300

期望有同学能够帮我修改！！万分感激！

Thank U……from the bottom of my heart……

TOPIC: ARGUMENT145 - A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more
TIME:  1hour     DATE: 2006-7-18
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Strategies：
1.the validity of the study is open to doubt
2.whether the interruption would cause people to sleep less and make them tired lack credibility
3.whether the people is too tired to have exercise is unconvincing
4.whether the people need to eat less and whether this recommendation would work are quite vague.  

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正文：


In this argument, the arguer attempt to convince us the recommendation that anyone who snore should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. To support the conclusion, the arguer cited a new study that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than whose who do not snore. Moreover, the arguer also cited that those interruption when snoring could leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. As it stands, the argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

In the first place, the validity of the study which is cited by the arguer is open to doubt. The exact number and detailed information of samples in the study are not provided. It may be the fact that those samples who snore in this study are inclined to be gain weight by chance. As a result, the study made such a wrong generalization. Therefore the conclusion may be based on a false theory.

On the other hand, the author unfairly assumes that eating less would have some relation to gaining weight. Although snoring does correlate with gaining weight, it does not mean the fact that those who snore should try to eat less. There is not conspicuous reason which could prove the fact that eating less would lead to stopping gaining weight for those people who snore. There are many reason for the people who snore gaining weight, but the most important method to solve the problem is not to eat less because eating less may be not effective enough to make the people who snore.

The last but not the least, the arguer hastily draw the conclusion that the so briefly interruption would leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Firstly, the people who snore would be divided into groups as the degree of frequency when interrupting of breathing. It may be the fact that there is only the most serious patient who snore frequently would have brief interruption, and the interruption happened rarely for majority who snore. Second, the arguer assumes that waking can leave the person too tired to exercise. It may be the fact that those people who snore and wake briefly could also be able to exercise because they get used to this kind of interruption and the interruption has insufficient effect to cause them tired.

To sum up, the conclusion reached in the argument lack credibility to support since the evidence cited in the argument lend less strong support to what the arguer claimed. To make the argument more convincing, more informative evidence should be provided about the correlation between snore and gaining weight. Moreover, a further investigation should be held toward whether interruption would cause people to wake and make them tired. Additionally, more alternatives should also be considered to be related with gaining weight besides eating less and exercise. Otherwise, this argument would be logically unacceptable.

zhuluUID: 2134300

zhulu修改红魔的作文Argu145，红魔， let me keep on having a look on your argu:

[quote]原帖由 municky 于 2006-7-18 18:41 发表
In this argument, the author made a recommendation that the one（those） who snores should eat less and exercise. To bolster his/her recommendation, the author cited a study result in which points out that people who snores would be easily to gain weight,句号he/she also asserts that those snoring persons always stop breathing , and that is why they often feel tied to exercise. Nevertheless, careful scrutiny reveals that this recommendation lacks substantiated这个不是形容词，直接用substantial evidence to support.

First of all, the author asserts that there is some breathe interruption during the snoring,我觉得你这个地方辩论不对，因为呼吸暂停，本来就是打鼾的生理学特征（本人学过这个），这是生理学的一个理论，你需要在这里辩论。既然文中已经说明了这是一个定律，你就不要辩论，否则就是诡辩了。 but there are not any convincing research results to support this view. Without credible evidence, the author's assertion is dubious at best. Thus, in order to make his/her recommendation reasonable, more details about this assertion should be provided.

Secondly, even though the interruption of breathing during snoring does exists, the author's assumption that it caused the people who snore too tired to exercise is logically flawed. No evidence assured us that this interruption does wakes people, even if it does , it is entirely possible that this kind of waking is so short that its influence to sleeping is neglectable. 这句辩论得很赞！For those matters, there might not be significant relationship between snoring and fatigue and there are more important reasons  补besides …… Perhaps the work of those people exhaust them , and perhaps their pressure of lives keep them from taking exercise. In a word, unless the author provide more convincing evidence that snoring caused people's fatigue, a myriad of possibilities might detriment（这个不是动词，要改） his/her recommendation.

Finally, the author draws the recommendation resting on two assumptions1)snoring does caused people to gain weight, but firstly, the author lacks evidence to support his/her assertion that it is snoring that caused people's fatigue to exercise; secondly, we are not assured that who lead the study cited and if it is credible, without eliminating those puzzles the assumptions is not substantiated. (2)eating less and taking more exercises do can help people lose weight, yet everybody knows that there are lots of factors influencing one's weight, not only eating and exercise, but also healthy life style. A reasonable diet then can help keep figure rather than just less food. Thus, both those two assumptions are flawed, then the recommendation is dubious.不错

All in all, the recommendation is not substantiated, to bolster it, the author need more evidence to convince me that there is certain relationship between snoring and gaining weight, the assumption of it should also be checked. 结尾有点仓促，还是要丰满一点比较好

zhuluUID: 2134300

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my strategies:
1.flase dilemma: the cooling must collerate with collision or eruption?
2.the conjecture of inexistence of collision is open to doubt.
3.the analysis of a loud doom could be consistent with eruption instead of collision is open to doubt.

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正文：

TOPIC: ARGUMENT47 - WORDS: 483          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-7-19

The argument is well presented, but not well reasoned. In the argument, the arguer attempt to convince us the conclusion that the cooling of earth was probably caused by a volcanic eruption. To support the conclusion, the arguer cited that a huge volcanic eruption could create a large dust cloud throughout earth's atmosphere that would have been capable of blocking enough sunlight to lower global temperatures significantly. Moreover, the arguer also assumes that large meteorite collision would probably create a sudden bright flash of light instead of a dimming of the sun. As it stands, the argument suffers several critical fallacies.

In the first place, the arguer commits a fallacy of false dilemma. The arguer assumes that a huge volcanic eruption or a large meteorite colliding with Earth could have created a large dust cloud throughout Earth's atmosphere.  However, the arguer has overlooked other alternatives which would also result in the large dust cloud throughout Earth's atmosphere. For example, the melting of ice in polar areas would cause large quantities of water's evaporation which not only could block enough sunlight but also lower global temperatures significantly.  If so, just considering a huge volcanic eruption or a large meteorite colliding with earth would not solve the problem.

In the second place, the arguer assume that a sudden bright flash of light would be less probable to have happened because no extant historical records of the time mention such a flash. As we know, the historical records could only be referred as documentation instead of a detailed certainty. It may be the fact that the predecessor cannot confirm the phenomenon and did not record the flash into the history. It may also be the fact that the flash happened so sudden just in one second in late night that nobody had seen it at all. Hence, even though no detailed records had ever reported about the flash, it does not mean the fact that the flash did not happen and the large meteorite collision did no exist.

The last but not the least important, the arguer also assume that a loud boom would be consistent with a volcanic eruption, then the volcanic eruption would be more probable than a large meteorite collision. However, the arguer may neglect the fact that there are many reasons which may cause a loud boom. Take the large meteorite collision for example, if the collision made a considerable exploder which also may cause a loud boom. Then the eruption could not be the only possibility to cause both the loud boom but also the earth's cooling.

To sum up, the conclusion reached in the argument lack enough credibility to support what the arguer claims here. To make it more convincing, the arguer need to render more detailed information of all the possibility which would cause the earth's cooling. Moreover, more certain and related records should be provided to prove the existence of eruption. Otherwise, the argument is logically unacceptable.

munickyUID: 2122843

原帖由 zhulu 于 2006-7-19 08:14 发表
期望有同学能够帮我修改！！万分感激！

Thank U……from the bottom of my heart……

TOPIC: ARGUMENT145 - A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight ...

In this argument, the arguer attempt to convince us the recommendation that anyone who snore（snores) should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. To support the conclusion, the arguer cited a new study that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than whose who do not snore(去掉此处的snore，与前面的重复了）. Moreover, the arguer also cited （换个词)that those interruption when snoring could leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. As it stands, the argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

In the first place, the validity of the study which is cited by the arguer is open to doubt. The exact number and detailed information of samples in the study are not provided. It may be the fact that those samples who snore in this study are inclined to be gain weight by chance. As a result, the study made such a wrong generalization. Therefore(?) the conclusion may be based on a false theory.

On the other hand, the author unfairly assumes that eating less would have some relation to gaining weight. Although snoring does correlate with gaining weight, it does not mean the fact that those who snore should try to eat less. There is not conspicuous reason (reason用来prove fact不对吧 )which could prove the fact that eating less would lead to stopping gaining weight for those people who snore. There are many reason for the people who snore gaining weight, but the most important method to solve the problem is not to eat less because eating less may be not effective enough to make the people who snore.（这一段的批驳有漏洞，你只能说有其他更好的方法来减肥，而武断的肯定吃少不能减肥本身就犯了无据前提的错误）
The last but not the least（又学到一个关联句，谢谢）, the arguer hastily draw the conclusion that the so briefly interruption would leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Firstly, the people who snore would be divided into groups as the degree of frequency when interrupting of breathing. It may be the fact that there is only the most serious patient who snore frequently would have brief interruption, and the interruption happened rarely for majority who snore（像这样批驳也有些漏洞，你这里的分类标准是什么，什么程度的snoring就算是frequent和serious,像这样模棱两可的批驳还是不要出现的好）. Second, the arguer assumes that waking can leave the person too tired to exercise. It may be the fact that those people who snore and wake briefly could also be able to exercise because they get used to this kind of interruption and the interruption has insufficient effect to cause them tired. （这里的insufficitient还是一个模糊概念，而且像这样直接用原文中的相反情况来反驳有些强词夺理，是啊，肯定任何情况都会有，有的人会是insufficient,但也有sufficient 得人，所以你这样批驳并为削弱作者的论断。不需要否定tired,可以说有许多原因导致都可导致tired，从而削弱原文中的snoring的作用）

To sum up, the conclusion reached in the argument lack credibility to support since the evidence cited in the argument lend less strong support to what the arguer claimed. To make the argument more convincing, more informative evidence should be provided about the correlation between snore and gaining weight. Moreover, a further investigation should be held toward whether interruption would cause people to wake and make them tired. Additionally, more alternatives should also be considered to be related with gaining weight besides eating less and exercise. Otherwise, this argument would be logically unacceptable