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本帖最后由 Napery 于 2009-10-28 10:40 编辑
范文一: 建立在以为前辈经典分析基础之上的小手感想~~~(原文后紧跟的红色文字是前辈的分析~~~)
Hospital statistics regarding people who go to the emergency room after roller skating accidents indicate the need for more protective equipment. Within this group of people, 75 percent of those who had accidents in streets or parking lots were not wearing any protective clothing (helmets, knee pads, etc.) or any light-reflecting material (clip-on lights, glow-in-the-dark wrist pads, etc.). Clearly, these statistics indicate that by investing in high-quality protective gear and reflective equipment, roller skaters will greatly reduce their risk of being severely injured in an accident.
原题逻辑顺序为:数据显示了对保护装备的需求==〉展开说明这个数据是怎样显示这样的需求的(即用这个装备有什么效果)==〉结论:为了达到这个效果我们应该重金买这保护设备。
小手分析:
ARGUE结论:因滑冰事故进急诊室 推出 需要更多的防护装备
Reasoning: 这组75%受伤的人都没有穿戴任何防护性装备或者反光材料;这个数据说明大量资金投入装备中有利于减少溜冰人在事故中严重受伤的可能性。
小手思路:
1.
关于statistics其可信度?如果这组人数总共只有10人?
Whether they actually support the conclusion?
(所以说还是老实地看INTRO老实地看范文好了。)
2.
溜冰的方式很多种,如果这组人参与的是aggressive skating,那么本身的危险性就偏高。
3.
这两种装备的安全度高不高?穿了就真的不会那么容易受伤?
4.
意外发生的其他可能性原因:地势(路面凹凸不平/易滑到/上下坡)、天气(风吹雨打加雪)、交通(人多/车多)、人自身的原因(长时间溜冰比较疲惫,粗心大意等),所以加大在装备上的资金投入并不意味着可以降低危险性。
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The notion that protective gear reduces the injuries suffered in accidents seems at first glance to be an obvious conclusion. After all, it is the intent of these products to either prevent accidents from occurring in the first place or to reduce the injuries suffered by the wearer should an accident occur. 前两句首先肯定了原命题中值得肯定的地方。这是求同存异的表现。注意这里第一句作者同意原命题的同时,在第二句紧接着就给出了展开的证明。而没有光是罗列观点。However, the conclusion that investing in high quality protective gear greatly reduces the risk of being severely injured in an accident may mask other (and potentially more significant) causes of injuries and may inspire people to over invest financially and psychologically in protective gear. 再说原命题是存在逻辑漏洞的,即它因。这里并没有展开论证,因为这是全文的中心句,整个文章都在后面给予论证。同时,最后半句给出了论据中的潜在后果。
小手札记:
1.
第一句肯定结论。装备确实有这样的作用,这本就是这类装备的目的。
(小手悟:肯定的仅仅只是结论部分,并紧紧地跟着开展证明;论证时若碰到论证某物的影响或功效时,或许可以用上这一招,从某物存在的目的或本质而言,即目的可作为证明功效性的论据。)
2.
第二句否定提议。投资大量金钱的提议掩盖了意外发生的其它潜在性原因,而且可能会导致过度的物质和精神性投资。
(小手悟:否定后紧跟原因证明其不恰当性,并提出这个建议实施会带来的负面作用;否定某事时可以以其负面影响为论据。)
质疑核心推论,且例证实际上是不可少的。(ETS好阴险……)
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First of all, as mentioned in the argument, there are two distinct kinds of gear -- preventative gear (such as light reflecting material) and protective gear (such as helmets). body打头第一段是属于攻击总前提假设的,作者认为这个(即保护性设备和防护性设备的差别)是有必要在讨论一切之前弄清楚的。论证方法为质疑假设,加条件后讨论,提出建议。实际上,这个前提对应的就是开头段的前两句话。深层的含义就是,尽管我在开头对你的某一个部分作了让步似的同意,但是这个同意也是建立在一定的假设基础上的,要是这个假设搞不清楚,哼哼我让不让步还不一定呢!本段就来讨论这个假设基础。
小手札记:
1.
攻击类型一 攻击总前提假设
2.
在讨论之前要弄清楚的信息点
3.
对应开头中的内容(逻辑啊,结构啊,环环相扣啊~~~~)
4.
题目中假设成立的基础(论据?)
5.
论证方法为质疑假设,加条件后讨论,提出建议
Preventative gear is intended to warn others, presumably for the most part motorists, of the presence of the roller skater. It works only if the "other" is a responsible and caring individual who will afford the skater the necessary space and attention. Protective gear is intended to reduce the effect of any accident, whether it is caused by another, the skater or some force of nature. Protective gear does little, if anything, to prevent accidents but is presumed to reduce the injuries that occur in an accident. 这两句分别从两个方面进行了论述,为本段第一句话的论证进行服务,每一方面的具体方法是先定义,再比较。论证方法为加上不同的条件后进行讨论,比如前一句话假定只有防护性装备会怎样,后一句话假定只有保护性装备会怎么样。
小手札记:
1.
插入语,恰如其分,且非废话
2.
句式是排比?表达方式:下定义
3.
论证方法为加上不同的条件后进行讨论 论证时,作者也提到防护性装备作用是按其创作目的来发挥之外也会有外因的影响(人的道德问题),保护性装备的作用是无法防止意外发生只能减少受伤程度。Alternative explanations/possible explanations.
The statistics on injuries suffered by skaters would be more interesting if the skaters were grouped into those wearing no gear at all, those wearing protective gear only, those wearing preventative gear only and those wearing both. 这里提出了作者的建议,即如何通过进一步的完善使原命题更加的有力。These statistics could provide skaters with a clearer understanding of which kinds of gear are more beneficial. 如果这个问题(保护防护设备的差别)解决了后面的讨论才能继续。所以说,总的来说这一段是讨论了原文一个核心的前提。
小手札记:
1.
Ask yourself what changes in the argument would make the reasoning more sound.0 w4 m; m7 y2 O h5 o
2.
Perhaps to suggest what would be necessary to verify the conclusion.
3.
Offer some common-sense examples.
4.
What is not stated, but necessarily follows from what is stated.
严格按照AWINTRO来行文,额滴神呀~
交待完应弄清楚的信息点之后,按照题目的顺序进行论证
表示质疑(more interesting),提供支持的论据(0,1/2,举例论证),指出其他可能性结果(more beneficial)。
———————————————————————————————————————
The argument above is weakened by the fact that it does not take into account the inherent differences between skaters who wear gear and those who do not.从本段起,连着的三个自然段就是按照原文逻辑链的顺序进行攻击和质疑。实际上,这三段对应的就是开头段的however之后的话。本段先质疑了人的本质的差异。论证方法是加条件后讨论。
小手札记:
1.
Think of what additional evidence might weaken or lend support to the claims.
2.
对应开头段后部分的内容(大概这就是所谓的严密性逻辑思维呀~)
3.
跟上一段也紧紧相扣(上一段最后部分提出的这组人可能全是没穿装备的或者只穿了一种)
4.
论证方法是加条件后讨论
If is at least likely that those who wear gear may be generally more responsible and/or safety conscious individuals. The skaters who wear gear may be less likely to cause accidents through careless or dangerous behavior. It may, in fact, be their natural caution and responsibility that keeps them out of the emergency room rather than the gear itself.以上三句话展开证明第一个分支观点,论证方法就是大名鼎鼎的三段论,加入常识性条件。即本身很注意安全的人配戴保护装置==〉配戴装置后就能少出事故==〉故本身注意安全才使得少出事故。
小手札记:
1.
论证加入的条件(Alternative explanations/ possible explanations)——人们自己多负责任和注意安全一些(common-sense examples)
2.
这样就算是粗心或危险的行为事故发生的可能性也小一些
3.
所以说,事实上个人的谨慎和责任心比装备更重要
Also, the statistic above is based entirely on those who are skating in streets and parking lots which are relatively dangerous places to skate in the first place. People who are generally more safety conscious (and therefore more likely to wear gear) may choose to skate in safer areas such as parks or back yards. 以上两句展开证明第二个分支观点,论证方法同样为大名鼎鼎的三段论,加上常识性条件。即街道公园本身不太安全==〉本身注意安全的人会选择安全的地方==〉来这里的人都是本身不太注意安全的。这里最后一点是我给补充上的,原文没有论证完全,但是基本的框架还是有的。
小手札记
大名鼎鼎的三段式论证:
意识到其他可能性因素——以common sense作为论证的例子——得出题目中的推论可能是由这个“其他可能性因素”造成的
是这三段么?
在这里要狂赞一下作者的逻辑思维。以题目中的streets & parking lots为论据来证明这个段子的主题——人本身原因也很重要(小手要学习以其人之道还治其人之身啊~)。而且加入常识性条件(注意自身安全的人在做一些危险性运动时当然会穿保护装备了;注意自身安全的人怎么可能会很白痴的跑去危险的地方,例如ETS敢来寄托么?小手第一个朝他扔鸡蛋。。。就算来了怎么可能不弄个面罩啥的戴着呢——这大概就是所谓的常识性例子吧)一步紧接着一步,环环相扣,一点一滴的让我们相信确实是有这么一个原因。同时这里也间接地指出,街道公园本身不安全也是一个可能性因素。
The statistic also goes not differentiate between severity of injuries.攻击逻辑链的第二步,受伤的程度没有说清。这里的论证方法核心是质疑隐含假设,加条件后讨论。 The conclusion that safety gear prevents severe injuries suggests that it is presumed that people come to the emergency room only with severe injuries. 指出原隐含假设。This is certainly not the case.指出它错了。 Also, given that skating is a recreational activity that may be primarily engaged in during evenings and weekends (when doctors' offices are closed), skater with less severe injuries may be especially likely to come to the emergency room for treatment. 加上人们晚上去滑的人多这个条件后讨论,最终削弱原命题。
小手札记
1.
小手思路的漏洞:受伤的程度/溜冰的时间(这也想得到。。。)
2.
论证方法核心是质疑隐含假设,加条件后讨论
3.
指出原隐含假设
Finally, there is absolutely no evidence provided that high quality (and presumably more expensive) gear is any more beneficial than other kinds of gear.攻击逻辑联的第三步,质量好的不一定有用。核心论证方法为列举它因和提出建议。 For example, a simple white t-shirt may provide the same preventative benefit as a higher quality, more expensive, shirt designed only for skating.简单的t-shirt也能很有用。 Before skaters are encouraged to invest heavily in gear, a more complete understanding of the benefit provided by individual pieces of gear would be helpful.
建议我们对器材考虑得更加全面些。4 i7 k: P8 ]& w E/ o
小手札记:
1.
核心论证方法为列举它因和提出建议
2.
漏洞:t-shirt(这个真的可以么。。。)
The argument for safety gear based on emergency room statistics could provide important information and potentially saves lives.强调原文的初衷还是很好的,就好像两个人在那里辩论,范文把原文给说急了,范文怕原文不高兴了,就再哄哄他:别看我骂了这么多,你的初衷还是好的嘛!值得肯定。(哎,感觉像是在跟GRE作文谈恋爱,爱恨情缠啊,爱得深,恨得也深啊。。。) Before conclusions about the amount and kinds of investments that should be made in gear are reached, however, a more complete understanding of the benefits is needed(和上一段的结论相呼应~~原来提出的建议也可以大挪移啊。。。). 范文看原文也不怎么哭了,于是最终还是委婉的表达了自己的建议。After all, a false confidence in ineffective gear could be just as dangerous as no gear at all. 最后补充论证自己的建议:论证方法为反证法。同时范文在最后吓唬一吓原文,告诉他不这样做的可怕的后果(吓唬死了最好,就没人这么俺们了。。。)。/ H# I1 Y G3 b |
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