Anita的作文本

anitaxjaUID：2758421

大家好 第一次参加这个活动 各位多多指教 一起努力！
2010-7-27 作业

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habits.

Nowadays, people all over the world are attaching great importance to health while at the same time, many questions rise such as advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habit.I think it ridiculous to say that. In my opinion, advertising is not a cause of unhealthy eating habit. On the contrary, it has some positive effects on building healthy eating habit.

To begin with, advertising, to some extent,is one of the ways which offer people the method to tell healthy food from unhealthy ones. People nowadays are wiser when facing with an advertisement and they know clearly what to believe and what to purchase. My auntie, who’s totally a housewife, once told me that she paid great attention to the advertisement. She said that she would only choose food that contains much nutrition and advocated by celebrities who looked fit according to the ads. So, it is the advertising that focuses a lot on healthy eating habits and encourages consumers to buy healthy food.

Second, there’s an increasing number of advertisements that are now advocating healthy eating habit on the screen. Taking the advertisement of beverage as an example, many of them sing high praises of nutrition and fitness. Some of them may even involve the introduction of the ingredients contained when posing the advertisement, thus making a sense that we should eating healthy and nutritious food. This will undoubtedly add to people’s consciousness of buying healthy food and developing healthy eating habit.

Finally, it is people’s own lifestyle and the lacking of related knowledge that cause unhealthy eating habit and that has nothing to do with advertising. Now, think about the situation we are living in. Why do people have different eating habits while they see the same TV program and advertisements? That’s because they have different lifestyles and different understanding or knowledge about food. Some of them may prefer high-sugar food while others prefer light food. It is their preference and misunderstanding of healthy food that leads to the unhealthy eating habit not the advertising.

In summary, it has nothing to do with advertising when it comes to unhealthy eating habit and people should focus more on their own eating preferences and their understanding of food.

lxg198607UID：2564115

Nowadays, people all over the world are attaching great importance to health while at the same time, many questions rise（raise） such as advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habit.I think it ridiculous to say that. In my opinion, advertising is not a cause of unhealthy eating habit. On the contrary, it has some positive effects on building healthy eating habit.  t  D  y* O3 P( E1 ]- K

8 Q( r6 J. {2 j4 N
To begin with, advertising, to some extent,is one of the ways which offer people the method to tell healthy food from unhealthy ones. People nowadays are wiser when facing with an advertisement and they know clearly what to believe and what to purchase. My auntie, who’s totally a housewife, once told me that she paid great attention to the advertisement. She said that she would only choose food that contains much nutrition and advocated by celebrities who looked fit according to the ads（最好别用缩写）. So, it is the advertising that focuses a lot on healthy eating habits and encourages consumers to buy healthy food.0 k7 w' r) F: s9 a1 R) h5 z

Second, there’s an increasing number of advertisements that are now advocating healthy eating habit on the screen. Taking the advertisement of beverage as an example, many of them sing high praises of nutrition and fitness. Some of them may even involve the introduction of the ingredients contained when posing the advertisement, thus making a sense that we should eating healthy and nutritious food. (这个例子用beverage 感觉不太好，用牛奶举例子感觉较好)This will undoubtedly add to people’s consciousness of buying healthy food and developing healthy eating habit.( n () r8 h3 l()0 _- E8 s

1 |& h  x0 @! b+ F+ m" {4 A
Finally, it is people’s own lifestyle and the lacking(lack) of related knowledge that cause unhealthy eating habit and that has nothing to do with advertising. Now, think about the situation we are living in. Why do people have different eating habits while they see the same TV program and advertisements? That’s because they have different lifestyles and different understanding or knowledge about food. Some of them may prefer high-sugar food while others prefer light food. It is their preference and misunderstanding of healthy food that leads to the unhealthy eating habit not the advertising.

In summary, it has nothing to do with advertising when it comes to unhealthy eating habit and people should focus more on their own eating preferences and their understanding of food.
文章写得很好，用词准确， 读得很流畅。。

cocojamesUID：2797094

Nowadays, people all over the world are attaching great importance to health while at the same time, many questions rise such as advertising is the most important cause of unhealthy eating habit.I think it ridiculous to say that. In my opinion, advertising is not a cause of unhealthy eating habit. On the contrary, it has some positive effects on building healthy eating habit.1 U3 y: z- F9 w$ T$ x. }

To begin with, advertising, to some extent,is one of the ways which offer people the method to tell healthy food from unhealthy ones. People nowadays are wiser when facing with an advertisement and they know clearly what to believe and what to purchase. My auntie, who’s totally a housewife, once told me that she paid great attention to the advertisement. She said that she would only choose food that contains much nutrition and advocated by celebrities who looked fit according to the ads. So, it is the advertising that focuses a lot on healthy eating habits and encourages consumers to buy healthy food.& a  i- h5 K1 S

7 R) D! s; X- ]5 F  ~
Second, there’s an increasing number of advertisements that are now advocating healthy eating habit on the screen. Taking the advertisement of beverage as an example, many of them sing high praises of nutrition and fitness. Some of them may even involve the introduction of the ingredients contained when posing the advertisement, thus making a sense that we should eating(eat) healthy and nutritious food. This will undoubtedly add to people’s consciousness of buying healthy food and developing healthy eating habit.

H& I9 I& B# ]& S
Finally, it is people’s own lifestyle and the lacking of related knowledge that cause unhealthy eating habit and that has nothing to do with advertising. Now, think about the situation we are living in. Why do people have different eating habits while they see(watch) the same TV programprograms) and advertisements? That’s because they have different lifestyles and different understanding or knowledge about food. Some of them may prefer high-sugar food while others prefer light food. It is their preference and misunderstanding of healthy food that leads to the unhealthy eating habit not the advertising.(感觉你的强调句型用了好多，不要频繁使用哦）

In summary, it has nothing to do with advertising when it comes to unhealthy eating habit and people should focus more on their own eating preferences and their understanding of food.

写得不错，考过G的吧？

anitaxjaUID：2758421

谢谢钢炮和COCO的评价，你们的建议很有帮助：）

另，回COCO，没有考过G。

anitaxjaUID：2758421

2010-7-29作业
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should try several different jobs before they take a long term career.

I find the topic very interesting because the situation just happened around me. My cousin, who has just graduated from university, is now wondering whether to begin his career now or to try several different jobs first. In my opinion, it’s better for youngsters to try several different jobs before they take a long term career.

First of all, trying several different jobs may bring experience which is useful for youngsters’ later career. If someone decides to start his long term career, it is surely because the career catches him and he wants to prove his ability in that field. But what can one prove his ability with? Experience and skills! It is more likely that someone who has taken several different jobs before will have better skills of socialization, communication and cooperation. What’s more, youngsters with experiences of different jobs can handle problems better than someone who hasn’t possessed the experience. That’s because the more you practice, the more you will be able to do. In this case, trying several different jobs lays foundations for youngsters' future career and enables them to perform more efficiently.

Second, trying several different jobs may broaden youngsters’ horizon and enlarge their social circle. By working for different companies, youngsters will have more chances to make friends with people from different social groups, regions and countries, thus enlarging their social circle, as well as gaining human resources which might be of some help in later career. Through communicating with such friends, it will be easy for youngsters to come up with new ideas and build up new perspective. In other words, it will broaden their horizon towards the world. What can be more important than this when considering one’s personal development?

Last but not least, trying several different jobs helps to make it clear what a youngster really wants. Nowadays, many youngsters have no idea about what job to take once they graduated because they are not sure what job fits them. Then, why not taking several different jobs first and figuring out which one is best for them before starting a long term career?

In conclusion, trying several different jobs is quite helpful in gaining working experience for future jobs, broadening one’s horizon and setting one’s life career, so I firmly agree with the statement and will recommend my cousin of this later.

hachi1991UID：2586806

I find the topic very interesting because the situation （^ mentioned）just happened around me. My cousin, who has just graduated from university, is now (这个删掉会不会好点？感觉有点多余~一定要的话，for the moment怎么样 ？) wondering whether to begin his career now or to try several different jobs first. In my opinion, it’s better for youngsters to try several different jobs before they take a long term career.

First of all, trying several different jobs may bring experience(s) which is (are) useful for youngsters’ later career. If someone decides to start his （a）long term career, it is surely because the career catches him and he wants to prove his ability in that field. But what can one prove his ability with? (But with what can one prove his ability?) Experience (Experiences, 单数的一半表示体验、感受，复数的一般表经验、经历) and skills! It is more likely that someone who has taken several different jobs before will have better skills of (in) socialization, communication and cooperation. What’s more, youngsters (感觉这个词的频率出现比较多，可不可以试着换用一些同义的表达方式？young people, young adults…) with experiences of different job can (may) handle problems better than someone who hasn’t possessed (do not possess 尚不具备与不具备，我个人比较偏向后者，嘿嘿) the (^same) experience(s). That’s because the more you practice, the more (^capable) you will be (able to do删). In this case, trying several different jobs lays foundations for youngsters' future career and enables them to perform more efficiently.

Second, trying several different jobs may (^help) broaden youngsters’ horizon(s) and enlarge their social circle(s). By working for different companies, youngsters will have more chances to make friends with people from different social groups, regions and countries, （thus enlarging their social circle, as well as删） gaining human resources (你是想说人脉吧，human resource 一般是指企业的人力资源吧，用interpersonal relationships with different people会不会好一点) which might be of some help in (^their) later careers. (^And ) Through communicating with such friends, (it will be easy for )youngsters can come up with new ideas and build up new perspective more easily. (这句话的主语应该是youngsters 哦~)In other words, it will broaden their horizon towards the world（跟上面被我划掉的那一句都是想强调这一段的两个pionts吧，但是有重复之嫌哦~）. What can be more important than this when considering one’s personal development?（总的来说这一段的观点还是清楚的，但是段落内部结构还是有点混乱，不够饱满，如果不好说什么的话，随便抛个例子吧）

Last but not least, trying several different jobs（注意词汇变换） helps to make it clear what a youngster really wants. Nowadays, many youngsters have no idea about what job to take once they graduated because they are not sure what job fits them. Then, why not taking several different jobs first and figuring out which one is best for them before starting a long term career?

In conclusion, trying several different jobs is quite helpful in gaining working experience for future jobs, broadening one’s horizon and setting one’s life career, so I firmly agree with the statement and will recommend my cousin of this later.

总的来说，结构清晰明了，但是在一些比较基础的细节方面，比如词汇的变换，还是要注意一下~恩恩，大家一起加油！ ^O^

啊，直接在页面上改真是麻烦~什么时候才够格传附件啊~

小囧字UID：2752429

迟到了~嘿嘿
I find the topic very interesting because the situation just happened around me. My cousin, who has just graduated from university, is now (这个。。。可以不要把~be doing 就是正在进行时...) wondering whether to begin his career now(这个可以改成recently？) or to try several different jobs first. In my opinion, it’s better for youngsters to try several different jobs before they take a long term career.8 N) `* D" P, G5 G9 E- ~
% c% O& y, ]! c
First of all, trying several different jobs may bring experiences which are useful for youngsters’ later career. If someone decides to start his long term career, it is surely because the career catches him and he wants to prove his ability in that field. But what can one prove his ability with? (这句话读着好别扭。。。是不是改改？没想起来具体怎么改。。。) Experience (Experiences)and skills! It is more likely that someone who has taken several different jobs before will have better skills of  socialization, communication and cooperation. What’s more, youngsters with experiences of different job can handle problems better than someone who hasn’t possessed the experience. That’sbecause the more you practice, the more you will be able to do(这句话读起来怪怪的...). In this case, trying several different jobs lays foundations for youngsters' future career and enables them to perform more efficiently.(这句话写的好！)- z- {8 r! G3 _4 h" E3 g

Second, trying several different jobs may broaden youngsters’ horizon(s) and enlarge their social circle(s). By working for different companies, youngsters will have more chances to make friends with people from different social groups, regions and countries, thus enlarging their social circle, as well as gaining human resources which might be of some help in  later careers. Through communicating with such friends,itwill be easy for youngsters to come up with new ideas and build up newperspective.
In other words, it will broaden their horizon towards the world. What can be more important than this when considering one’s personal development?+ ^2 {( k3 e5 |) e; F; k/ u

Last but not least, trying several different jobs helps to make it clear what a youngster really wants. Nowadays, many youngsters have no idea about what job to take once they graduated because they are not sure what job fits them. Then, why not taking several different jobs first and figuring out which one is best for them before starting a long term career?

In conclusion, trying several different jobs is quite helpful in gaining working experience for future jobs, broadening one’s horizon and setting one’s life career, so I firmly agree with the statement and will recommend my cousin of this later.
恩~总结下~觉得就是第二个论点写的有罗嗦。。。至于哪里不好我也说不清，好像就是在兜圈子。。。
开头有两个句子也不大通顺。。。
整体除了有点重复以外，我非常喜欢你句子的框架。我就是传说中不会写长句子的人。。。。加油哦~
! Z4 E: _- m( x8 k& ]( s0 u

小囧字UID：2752429

6# hachi1991
补充下
看了hachi同学的
我觉得对极了。。。就是这个感觉。。。。

anitaxjaUID：2758421

恩，谢谢两位同学：） 一起加油呢！嘿嘿

anitaxjaUID：2758421

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Newspapers and magazines are the best ways to learn about a foreign country?

It cannot be denied that newspapers and magazines, in some cases, are the most effective way of collecting information, but I don’t think they are the best sources when it comes to getting knowledge about a foreign country.

To start with, the fact and present situation of a foreign country may be concealed due to the censorship by the government. If you’ve ever noticed Chinese newspapers and magazines, you will find without difficulty that there are fewer reports focused on developed countries than developing ones, and there are more topics centered on politics rather than culture. Do you know why? That’s because the Chinese government doesn’t want its citizens to get too much involved in the culture of capitalist societies and the government is afraid that these culture may corrode citizens’ minds. So, it is very often that we are not able to get a full image of a foreign country just from newspapers and magazines.

You may say the situation mentioned above doesn’t exist in countries outside China because in countries like America, freedom of the press is protected by Constitution. But even so, you cannot guarantee that what you read is all the fact because every article contains the emotion of the author and it is hard to be objective. If the author likes Japan, he may give high praises of it and omit all its bad aspects. In this case, as a reader, all that we learned is the positive side of Japan. It is the creativity of the author that molds our understanding and knowledge about a country not the whole fact. In other words, what we gained from newspapers and magazines are all part of the fact and sometimes unbalanced, even extreme.

What’s more, things are changing with each passing day and what printed on the newspapers or magazines may not meet our demand of learning about a country. Suppose you are going to visit a country and you need some travel tips, but the most recent material on newspapers or magazines may be that printed 5 years ago so that they are of little help to you since the targeting country has changed a lot. Then, you might turn to internet or your friends who have visited the country before for help.

In summary, newspapers and magazines are not the best ways to learn about a foreign country because there’s little fact and useful information on them. And it’s better to gain information on the internet or asking a friend, or, visiting by yourself.

这篇写的有点仓促，还望同学批评指正。

linran0108UID：2864715

我觉得写的已经很好了。语言上我自己功力不是很强，没看出什么问题，就不班门弄斧。（小问题就是targeting country 还是target country？）
但是我觉得在解释的时候，一些小地方有些牵强，比如说杂志和报纸是5年前的，这个就。。。不过托福的话考语言，而不是侧重逻辑，所以我觉得就没问题。向原作者学习：）

Joannalove1992UID：2860684

t cannot be denied that newspapers and magazines, in some cases, are the most effective way of collecting information, but I don’t think they are the best sources when it comes to getting knowledge about a foreign country.(introduction:please restate the question in your own words.)
To start with,(the fact) and (present situation)(one of them is redundant)of a foreign country may be concealed due to( the censorship by the government.)(obscure meaning) If you’ve ever noticed Chinese newspapers and magazines, you will find without difficulty that there are fewer reports focused on developed countries than developing ones, and there are more topics centered on politics rather than culture.( Do you know why?)(I do not like undirect expression.But,it just is a matter of personal taste. ) That’s because the Chinese government doesn’t want its citizens to get too much involved in the culture of capitalist societies and the government is afraid that these culture may corrode citizens’ minds. So, it is very often that we are not able to get a full image of a foreign country just from newspapers and magazines.
You may say the situation mentioned above doesn’t exist (in countries outside China）(abroad;change “outside” into ”except”)(strange and uncommon expression ) because in countries like America, freedom of the press(freedom of expression;press freedom)( pay attention to specific and terse expression) is protected by Constitution. But even so, you cannot guarantee that what you read is all the fact because every article contains the emotion of the author and it is hard to be objective. If the author likes Japan, he may give high praises of it and omit all its bad aspects. (The reporter you mentioned is not a good journalist,I guess.)In this case, as a reader, all that we learned is the positive side of Japan. It is the creativity of the author that( molds)(what?) our understanding and knowledge about a country not the whole fact. In other words, what we gained from newspapers and magazines are all part of the fact and sometimes unbalanced, even extreme.

What’s more, things are changing with each passing day and what printed on the newspapers or magazines may not meet our demand of learning about a country. Suppose you are going to visit a country and you need some travel tips, but the most recent material on newspapers or magazines may be that printed 5 years ago so that they are of little help to you since the targeting country has changed a lot. Then, you might turn to internet or your friends who have visited the country before for help.
In summary, newspapers and magazines are not the best ways to learn about a foreign country because there’s little fact and useful information on them. And it’s better to gain information on the internet or asking a friend, or, visiting by yourself. (good conclusion:you have restated your thesis ,summarized your points and made some suggestions)以下中文作总结：建议首段可以列出支持性观点（类似于分论点）。主体部分表达较流畅，少有语法和拼写错误（水平有限，望见谅），但总是看长句，有点视觉疲劳，建议写一些短句，长短句结合，文章就更棒了。尾端蛮好的哦。文章在整体性和连贯性方面做得还好，也有注意transitions的使用。但举例有些欠妥（个人觉得有些夸张）。较注意逻辑性，文章较容易理解。
我很认真的改了，但我只有这个水平，希望对你有帮助。(懒得换颜色了，就只有评语换颜色，将就一下吧。我有打括号哦。)

Joannalove1992UID：2860684

不好意思，不晓得为什么是这个颜色了。

linran0108UID：2864715

10# anitaxja


What’s more, things are changing with each passing day and what printed on the newspapers or magazines may not meet our demand of learning about a country. Suppose you are going to visit a country and you need some travel tips, but the most recent material on newspapers or magazines may be that printed 5 years ago so that they are of little help to you since the [url=]targeting country[/url][o1] has changed a lot. Then, you might turn to internet or your friends who have visited the country before for help.



我觉得写的已经很好了。语言上我自己功力不是很强，没看出什么问题，就不班门弄斧。
但是我觉得在解释的时候，一些小地方有些牵强，比如说杂志和报纸是5年前的，这个就。。。不过托福的话考语言，而不是侧重逻辑，所以我觉得就没问题。向原作者学习：）

[o1]Target country?

anitaxjaUID：2758421

恩，是target country
谢谢两位同学：）