进军美利坚Chineselady备考日志

紫薇花开UID: 2461167

Based on traditional education, score plays significant role in students’ life. （加一个(even 是不是会好点
语气上
更连贯)Sometimes, it can change their futures. But with developing of people’s consciousness on overall education, grade is not the main part to judge students. Besides, grade is not the only stimulus for students to study. Some may be encouraged by their dreams or by interests. Hence, I do not believe that grade can encourage students to learn more facts.
9 w) B; |6 Q6 j, l
这两句是不是矛盾。虽然不是唯一
刺激因素
但是不能说他没有
这种作用了。
开头
不知道别国的情况
虽然中国是这样，别的国家
是这样吗？
我觉得应该严谨一点
或者说限制一下会更好
Currently higher score is and will not be the only requirement to be accepted by university. It is very distinguished from years ago because now students could apply for famous college by other benefits, such as working experience and managing ability. Let’s us take my applying experience as example. I admit that my academic achievement is not attractive comparing（compared） with other students. But I’m still encouraged to apply the university I prefer in the States due to having interests and specific experience. I understand that college consider students’ all information including academic score and other related ability while (they) decide who should have offers. Therefore, I tried to gain related experience and knowledge before applied (application). What I chose is my favorite major. Definitely I am encouraged by my interests to learn facts about my program in graduate school. And I am also encouraged by gaining more working experience to study because it is one of effective methods to get knowledge.
这段总的结构是 论点—解释----例子，最后一句点评
Students will be exhausted when only be encouraged by score. Especially those have difficulties in getting high score. That will make students discouraged and it can bring up dire consequence without confidence in learning from low scores. So for those, teachers and parents should adopt other methods to encourage them to study
such as a short trip 这个没看懂。（加 and 会不会连贯
而且好懂一些）
then to have a representation about what they learnt from that experience. Students will focus on the information and knowledge during the trip because they know what will complete later. It is one way to encourage them to study except scores only. Grades can be appropriate for some students but not for all.
' F7 O& K. x) j
此段中的only 不知从何而来
因为题目并没有说
他是only. 是不是意味着
这段偏题
。
这段的结构是
论点---解释（用的是论点具体化的方法）----
To conclude, with the passages talked（talking） above, score is not the only for students to study as there are various aspects to stimulate them in order not to cause them frustrated when having low grades.
总结，这个。。。。。怎么说呢？ 文章按照你的主题 发展和阐述的很好 尤其是第二段  很充实  
但是我总觉得多少有些偏题
另外，我还觉得  这道题目触动了你的心弦 丷

紫薇花开UID: 2461167

从word 里复制出来怎么会变成这样
不明白    你将就着看吧

我是chineseladyUID: 2662783

11.11 Governments should focus more on natural environment problems and less on economic developments.

It brings up a heated debate that which one should be focused on first: natural environment or economic development. Since humans have pursued modern life by developing economy, it causes serious problem on environment. So it is definitely a controversial topic to deal with each of two. However, due to advanced living condition people prefer, I believe that government should take into account more on economic development. And more details are as follow.

Advanced economy could make life more convenient. I claim the idea that anything should service people first in terms of humanity. Humans are given the rights to develop this world by their wisdom. For instance, heavy industry plays significant role in developing economy and most countries have struggled in this area. Automobiles bring people closer and benefit commuters who work in far place from their apartments. The increasing number of advanced machines lead to development and construction more efficiently. Let’s us take Bird Net stadium as an example. In 2008 Beijing Olympics, it only took five years to complete its construction, and all there based on strong economic foundation. Otherwise, the complex building like that probably needs decades to establish if by adopting traditional method like labor. People could spend more time on studying or doing research others matters when finishing one task in limited time. Therefore, advanced economy saves people’s time in transportation and development; meanwhile they have more space to achieve new inventions.

On the other hand, sound economic foundation also can assist to resolve environmental problem. Too much economic development doubtlessly brings dire consequence to the environment in the progress of economic development. Environmental contamination and water pollution are main aspects to be handled with. Therefore, strong economy could prevent river from being more polluted by specific machines; and with adequate cash, engineers can develop smokeless automobiles, which will reduce air pollution. However, all these can be achieved on economic foundation. Government should improve its economic strength because it could benefit both citizens in daily life and assist to diminish environmental problems.

To conclude, with what the passages talked above, government should focus on economy first as it is hard for one country to resolve disadvantages in environment without strong economic strength.

shirley072UID: 2712200

It brings up a heateddebate that which one should be focused on first: natural environment or economicdevelopment. Since humans have pursued modern life by developing economy, it (好像有点指代不明) causes serious problemon environment. So it is definitely a controversial topic to deal with eachof two (改了半天也改不好，觉得这句话不太对，a topic to deal with). However, due to advanced living condition peopleprefer, I believe that government should take into account (这个本身是一个好词，也有重视的意思，但是这个词更多的应用，在我的理解里是考虑到，尤其是在做事情的时候，要把什么因素考虑进去，而不是直接当作重视来用，这个我不确定啦，个人感觉) more on economic development. And more details are as follow.


Advanced economy couldmake life more convenient. I claim the idea that anything should servicepeople first in terms of humanity(这句话没看懂呢). Humans are given the rights to develop this world by their wisdom. Forinstance, heavy industry plays significant role in developing economy and mostcountries have struggled in this area. Automobiles bring people closer andbenefit commuters who work in far
(distant)place from their apartments. The increasing number of advanced machines lead todevelopment and construction more efficiently. Let’s us take Bird Net stadiumas an example. In 2008 Beijing Olympics, it only took five years to completeits construction, and all there based on strong economic foundation. Otherwise,the complex building like that probably needs decades to establish if byadopting traditional method like labor. People could spend more time onstudying or doing research others matters (去掉)
when (after) finishing one task inlimited time. Therefore, advanced economy saves people’s time in transportationand development; meanwhile they have more space to achieve new inventions.


On the other hand,sound economic foundation also can assist to resolve environmental problem. Toomuch economic development doubtlessly brings dire consequence to theenvironment in the progress of economic development (重复了。Doubtlessly, dire consequence to the environment is brought about in theprogress of economic development.).Environmental contamination and water pollution are main aspects
(既然后面用了handle with，这里就应该换成问题，难题之类的词比较好吧) to be handled with.Therefore, strong economy could prevent river from being more polluted by specificmachines (?要不换成化学有毒物质之类的？); and with adequate cash, engineers can develop smokeless automobiles,which will reduce air pollution. However, all these can be achieved (based) on economic foundation. Government shouldimprove its economic strength because it could benefit both citizens in dailylife and assist to diminish environmental problems.


To conclude, with whatthe passages talked above, government should focus on economy first as it ishard for one country to resolve disadvantages in environment without strongeconomic strength.


论据不错

happyzhengangUID: 2502624

It brings up a heated debate that which one should be focused on first: natural environment or economic development. Since humans have pursued modern life by developing economy, it causes serious problem on environment. So it is definitely a controversial topic to deal with each of two. However, due to advanced living condition people prefer, I believe that government should take into account more on economic development. And more details are as follow.（开头挺完整的，没有什么错误，你观点我不是很赞同，看下面如何解释吧~~）

Advanced economy could make life more convenient. I claim the idea that anything should service people first in terms of humanity（我怎么忽然觉得这句话有些太宏观了，有些片面，为人类服务没错，但是随着经济增长也会带来很多负面影响，这些也会影响到人类自身啊）. Humans are given the rights to develop this world by their wisdom. For instance, heavy industry plays significant role in developing economy and most countries have struggled in this area. Automobiles bring people closer（bring people closer表达的很中式啊） and benefit commuters who work in far place from their apartments. The increasing number of advanced machines lead to development and construction more efficiently（这里感觉有些别扭，efficiently 是修饰lead么？）. Let’s us take Bird Net stadium as an example. In 2008 Beijing Olympics, it only took five years to complete its construction, and all there based on strong economic foundation. Otherwise, the complex building like that probably needs decades to establish if by adopting traditional method like labor. People could spend more time on studying or doing research others matters when finishing one task in limited time. Therefore, advanced economy saves people’s time in transportation and development; meanwhile they have more space to achieve new inventions（翠花啊，我感觉这段你写的不紧凑，而且说理也不多，只是在罗列一些example来说明一下经济发展的好处）.

On the other hand, sound（还没有这么用过啊不知道对不，一上来来个动词） economic foundation also can assist to resolve environmental problem. Too much economic development doubtlessly brings（复数吧） dire consequence to the environment in the progress of economic development. Environmental contamination and water pollution are main aspects to be handled with. Therefore, strong economy could prevent river from being more polluted by specific machines; and with adequate cash, engineers can develop smokeless automobiles, which will reduce air pollution. However, all these can be achieved on economic foundation. Government should improve its economic strength because it could benefit both citizens in daily life and assist to diminish environmental problems（对于这一段我感觉你写的太浅了，如果想要解决环境问题，首先要找到引起环境问题的原因，找到原因后再考虑解决方法，而不是所有的环境问题都是可以发展一下经济和高科技所解决的，包括市民素质，控制污染源等）.

To conclude, with what the passages talked above, government should focus on economy first as it is hard for one country to resolve disadvantages in environment without strong economic strength.

总之呢，通篇读下来，语法文法上面基本上没有什么问题，但是我感觉作者的思路我不能赞同，个人意见仅供参考~~

ly8768UID: 2452066

228# 我是chineselady

It brings up a heated debate that(重复) which one should be focused on first: natural environment or economic development. Since humans have pursued modern life by developing economy, it causes serious problem on environment. So it is definitely a controversial topic to deal with each of two(不是处理两个问题有controversial而是，选择哪个更重要controversial). However, due to advanced living condition people prefer, I believe that government should take into account more on economic development. And more details are as follow.

Advanced(Advanced可以修饰经济？) economy could make life more convenient. I claim the idea that anything should service people first in terms of humanity. Humans are given the rights to develop this world by their wisdom. For instance, heavy industry plays significant role in developing economy and most countries have struggled in this area. Automobiles bring people closer and benefit commuters who work in far place from their apartments. The increasing number of advanced machines lead to development and construction more efficiently. Let’s us take Bird Net stadium as an example. In 2008 Beijing Olympics, it only took five years to complete its construction, and all there based on strong economic foundation. Otherwise, the complex building like that probably needs decades to establish if by adopting traditional method like labor. People could spend more time on studying or doing research others matters when finishing one task in limited time. Therefore, advanced economy saves people’s time in transportation and development; meanwhile they have more space to achieve new inventions.

On the other hand, sound economic foundation also can assist to resolve environmental problem. Too much economic development doubtlessly brings dire consequence to the environment in the progress of economic development. Environmental contamination and water pollution are main aspects to be handled with. Therefore, strong economy could prevent river from being more polluted by specific machines(这句没有因果关系); and with adequate cash, engineers can develop smokeless automobiles, which will reduce air pollution. However, all these can be achieved on economic foundation. Government should improve its economic strength because it could benefit both citizens in daily life and assist to diminish environmental problems.

To conclude, with what the passages talked above, government should focus on economy first as it is hard for one country to resolve disadvantages in environment without strong economic strength.
写得确实比以前好多了，除了部分句子的逻辑问题外，一切都好

我是chineseladyUID: 2662783

11.12 people are happier when they finish a challenge or difficult job than when they do an easy job.

Human are confronting various difficulties through the whole life. At the same time, people gain encouragement and confidence by overcoming those difficulties. An easy job may not bring such sense of success due to no hard procedure. Hence, I believe that people feel happier as soon as completing a challenge or difficult job. More details are as follow.

People could achieve a sense of complete when finishing something complicated. It especially plays a significant role on younger generation when develop their personalities and characters. For instance, I learnt how to cook and turn on gas as a little girl in elementary school. I was afraid that our apartment might be on fire every time I tried or I could get burn by that fire. It is not a big deal right now but it took me time and courage to overcome. For many times, I could not light any fire and was so disappointed from that experience. However, I felt more frustrated and silly as soon as learnt that some of my friends already mastered how to ignite fire. I was also wondering were they afraid of it. Later through many times practices (with my mother standing by), I overcame it, and understood the match will not cause big fire if used in a right way. Even if the match dropped into floor, the fire would go out in its progress from up to down. This difficult experience gave a lesson that I needed to calm down when confronting complex situation. And one of effective methods I summarized is to learn the main point of the complex, because it assists me to overcome it more easily then to achieve a sense of success more happily.

Human can do something easy but may not gain excitement. They may not have feeling of finishing something with energy and power, therefore, will not have sense of achievement. Probably the easy matters are what people have to do in daily life. Doing laundry and fixing computer may not be that difficult for groups of people and those situations humans have to face every several days. Just like eating and sleeping, already become parts of life, which are hard to make people happy or excited due to dealing with frequently. Let’s say when people just learnt driving, he/she can be excited at very beginning especially for beginners. Nevertheless, they will lose their zeal while master driving. What makes people happy is always the progress they are trying to overcome.

To conclude, with what the passages talked above, humans achieve being happier when finishing difficult jobs due to difficult ones could make them remember the process of how to overcome it.

fish1044UID: 2190500

Human beings are confronting various difficulties through the(their) whole life. At the same time, people gain encouragement and confidence by overcoming those difficulties. An easy job may not bring such sense of success due to no hard procedure(since they requires not harships to be finished). Hence, I believe that people feel happier as soon as(为什么要说这个？我觉得用when就可以了) completing a challenge or difficult job. More details are as follow(这句话说的很奇怪。如果是我，我会说my opinion can be supported by the following points of view).

    People could achieve a sense of complete when finishing something complicated. It especially plays a significant role on younger generation when develop their personalities and characters(这句话有语法错误。It plays a especially significant role on the younger generation whose personalities and characters are being formed). For instance, I learnt how to cook and turn on gas(打开煤气阀？) as a little girl in elementary school. I was afraid that our apartment might be on fire every time I tried or I could(would) get burn by that fire. It is not a big deal right now but it took me time and courage to overcome(直接说it took some time and courage for me to manage that). For many times, I could not light any fire and was so disappointed from that experience. However, I felt more frustrated and silly(feel silly??) as soon as I learnt that some of my friends already mastered how to ignite fire. I was also wondering were they afraid of it(这个没有必要). Later through many times practices (with my mother standing by)(写括号里的内容目的是什么？), I overcame it, and understood the match will not cause big fire if used in a right way. Even if the match dropped into floor, the fire would go out in its progress from up to down(没看懂。。。). This difficult experience(experience of difficulty) gave me a lesson that I needed to calm down when confronting complex situation(我怎么没有看出来这个结论？). And one of the effective methods I summarized is to learn the main point of the complex, because it assists me to overcome it more easily then to achieve a sense of success more happily.
这段给我的感觉是就很混乱，中间的例子没用的东西太多，没有贴近主题。后面的总结没有体现出总结的作用，在例子里面看不出来总结的那些道理。简单来说，就是逻辑有点混乱。

    Human can do something easy(easily) but may not gain excitement. They may not have feeling of finishing something with energy and power, therefore, will not have sense of achievement. Probably the easy matters are what people have to do in daily life. Doing laundry and fixing computer may not be that difficult for groups of people and those situations are the ones humans have to face every several days. Just like eating and sleeping, they already become parts of life, which are hard to make people happy or excited due to dealing with frequently(since they are done frequently). Let’s say when people have just learnt driving, he/she can be excited at the very beginning especially for beginners. Nevertheless, they will lose their zeal while they master driving. What makes people happy is always the progress they are trying to overcome(overcome progress?).

    To conclude, with what the passages talked above, humans achieve(什么意思？) being happier when finishing difficult jobs due to difficult ones could make them remember the process of how to overcome it.
最后一段根本没有总结文章的主体内容啊。。。

今天的文章写得也太随意了吧。这样恐怕不太好哦。

你有两个致命弱点：1. 逻辑混乱，没有说清楚问题，句子与句子间很多时候没有体现出很强的逻辑关系。2. 主语混乱。可能是受中文影响，你经常会省略重句主语，那是个很严重的语法问题。

另外就本文来说，你主题两段没有紧扣主题。论述比较苍白无力。还有就是，不要用小孩学点火这么敏感的话题，小孩就不应该玩火。。。