1006G【Ivy】的备考日记——既然选择了远方，便只顾风雨兼程

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

12月13日
继续改剩下的30篇A
感想就是，模板中空话太多，用的越少越好。
还有开头结尾越简单越好，这样才有时间吧论述写得有深度。
提前多熟悉题目很重要，改作文就是熟悉题目的好途径。

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

TOPIC: ARGUMENT159 - The nation of Claria covers a vast physical area. But despite wide geographic differences, many citizens are experiencing rising costs of electricity. A recent study of household electric costs in Claria found that families who cooled their houses with fans alone spent more on electricity than did families using air conditioners alone for cooling. However, those households that reported using both fans and air conditioners spent less on electricity than those households that used either fans or air conditioners alone. Thus, the citizens of Claria should follow the study's recommendation and use both air conditioners and fans in order to save money on electricity.
WORDS: 431
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2009-3-17 下午 08:10:53
分析：既然covers a vast physical area，就有可能横跨很大范围的经度，因此有可能全国气温分布不均。导致有的地方凉爽，有的地方炎热，所以使用制冷设备的情况不同。在这种情况下所作的研究无效。
In this argument, the author recommends both using air conditioners and fans as an effective way of saving money on electricity. In order to justify it, the author cites a survey that different families being diverse in the way of cooling the house spend different money on electricity. However, close scrutiny of the statistic and the line of reasoning reveal that it is not convincing.
A threshold problem with the argument involves the statistical reliability of the survey. Lacking of assurance and information about the randomness and relative size of the survey' sample, the author cannot convince me the conclusion of the survey is reliable. As the author mentions, the nation of Claria covers a vast physical area, without enough large sample, so it is entirely possible that the survey is not representative of the real situation of Claria. 即使研究数据对Claria是有代表性的，也不能应用于全部Claria地区的居民，应该分不同地区的情况予以不同考虑。所以这个地方应该分两面来说，即，地区面积广阔应成为研究可能不准确的原因。也是研究结果不能统一应用于所有居民的原因。Moreover different place will have different temperature and the price of electricity, without comprehensive consideration these factors, I strongly doubt the reliability of the survey. The dubious survey undermines the follow conclusions which rely on it.
Secondly, the author asserts different way of cooling the house causes the decrease of electricity consuming just because they happen together. Obviously, the evidence for the casual relationship is too vague to believe. Furthermore, to satisfy the same requirement, common sense informs us air condition costs more electricity than fans. Thus, there must be other reasons causing the decrease of the electric consumption. The most reasonable one is that the expense for air condition is so money-consuming that the citizens would like to tolerate the hot weather rather than pay for it.这里是用他因反驳的
Even though the author can substantiate foregoing assumption and assertion, I still cannot accept his/her recommendation because the author overlooks other factors contributes to the amounts of electricity. As we know, for a family, facilities of cooling the house take little part of electricity. Computer, lights, television, fridge and so forth cost more electricity. Thus it is possible that even though the method of saving electricity recommended by the author works, it makes little contribution to the total electricity consuming so that we cannot see the change on
spending money.此处表达不是很清楚，works指什么，是指电扇空调一起用比只用其中一个更省电。
Furthermore, if the electric consumptions of other factors increase, it will not save the money, strongly contradicting to the conclusion of the author.这句话是不是接的有些问题，加个which是不是好一点？不太确定。

To sum up, the recommendation suffers from statistic and logic flaws causing that it is not warranted. In order to strengthen it, the author should provide the compelling evidence to prove the reliability of the survey and the casual relationship between the way of cooling their house and decrease of electric consumption. Additionally, the author should also provide appealing evidence to prove the total electric consumption will decrease.
原文还有一个问题，作者没有指出电扇空调如何一起用才能省电的问题，由于大多数电扇比空调耗电量低，那么如果让一个原来一个月用10小时空调的居民变成一个月用10小时电扇加10小时空调，不仅耗电量没有降低，而且一定会增加。

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

TOPIC: ARGUMENT163 - The following is taken from the editorial section of the local newspaper in Rockingham.

"In order to save a considerable amount of money, Rockingham's century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building that some citizens have proposed. The old town hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the number of people who are employed by the town. In addition, it is very costly to heat the old hall in winter and cool it in summer. The new, larger building would be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. Furthermore, it would be possible to rent out some of the space in the new building, thereby generating income for the town of Rockingham."
WORDS: 391
TIME: 00:25:46
DATE: 2009/3/12 10:40:26

Citing the comparison between the old hall and new hall, the author comes to the conclusion that on the purpose of saving money, Rockingham' century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building. However, this argument is based on a series of unproven assumptions, which render it unconvincing as it stands.

One such assumption is that the new hall will save energy. Even though the new one will be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot, the author ignores the fact the new hall is far larger than the old hall.这里应该讲得更具体一点，虽然原文中说costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall，但是新的大楼面积更大，所以总的花在制冷和制热上的费用可能比原来的楼房更高。即使花在制冷制热上的总费用没有原来高，那么也不能肯定其他方面的开支，比如：物业费，设备维护费等，会比原来低。 In which case, the overall costs of the new hall would be no less, perhaps more than the energy costs of the old hall. Unless the author could provide exact data to demonstrate the new hall can really save energy, his assumption is dubious.

The author's claim that building the new hall
(the new building) will save a considerable amount of money is open to doubt. On the one hand, tearing down the old hall and building the new hall is considerably money-consuming. 这里要注意，hall和building不是一个意思，不要混淆了。原文是说，用new building 替换old hall。The author does not inform the exact amount of money needed; maybe it might lead the town council to budget strain.这里有点不太明白，只是说拆除旧建筑和建新的建筑要花一大笔钱，是不是太范范了，批判不是很有说服力。 On the other hand, the author mentions some of the space could be rented out to generate income. However, people might not be willing to rent the hall,
这里是用他因进行攻击，但是只讲了人们可能不想在这里租房，其实可以列出一些不愿租房的原因，比如，新建的大楼租金要比其他地方贵等等。in which case, the town would not get any revenue. In short, without providing solid evidences that building new hall would save money, the author's proposal is unpersuasive.

Finally, as the current hall is century-old, it might have historic values. For example, the old hall might be a famous tourist site of town, which attracts thousands of tourists every year. Or perhaps, the old hall might have certain special meaning in the local residents' minds. They might regard the hall as the symbol of the town.这个批判理由很新颖，不错，指出作为历史古迹，如果被拆除可能当地政府会失去不小一笔旅游收入会更好。 If either of the cases is true, the old hall's merits far outweigh the new one's advantages.

All in all, this argument relies on certain unwarranted assumptions and therefore specious at best. To convince readers to accept his/her conclusion that replacing the old hall with new one, the author should provide information on whether the new hall will save energy and save a considerable amount of money, and last but not least, the old hall' historic values.

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

TOPIC: ARGUMENT137 - The following appeared in an editorial in the Mason City newspaper.

"At present, Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, even though surveys of the region's residents consistently rank water sports (swimming, fishing, and boating) as a favorite form of recreation. Since there have been complaints about the quality of the water in the river, residents must be avoiding the river because they think that it is not clean enough. But that situation is about to change: the agency responsible for rivers in our region has announced plans to clean up Mason River. Therefore, recreational use of the river is likely to increase, so the Mason City council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the publicly owned lands along the Mason River."
WORDS: 416          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009/3/9 16:28:42

In this augument, the author drew the conclution about the increase of recreational use of the Mason River, after his/her seemingly convincing procedure of reasoning, and suggested the City council to increase the budget for the improvement of lands along Mason River. As far as I see it, this argument omits some sunbstential information, and therefor suffers some logical fallacies.

To begin with, the author falsely established a causal relationship between the complaint about the quality of the water and the seldom using of the nearby River for recreational activity. Although the two things happened simultaneously, but there are pobably many other reasons for seldom using of the water, too. For example, in the city there is a swimming pool, which supplies a good service and has new infrastructure. So the residents prefer going there to siwmming in the river. Like swimming pool,这里有些啰嗦，前面已经提到swimming pool了，可以把这些举例插入到前面的swimming pool后面
other places, such as park and artifical lack, will attract people as well.这里应该指出人们在这里也可以做一些娱乐活动，而不是单单被吸引 Without providing us the information about other places in the city, the author's assumption is invalid.

In addition, can the annoucement about cleaning up Mason River by the agency make the use of river increased? Even assuming that the residents seldom use the River, because换词，尽量不用简单句they worried the quality of the water, a promise about cleaning up cannot make the river really clean at a short time. 表达不好，直接说作出的声明可能不会再短期内得到执行，即使执行clean 也是有度的，河水的干净程度是否能达到居民的满意是个问题The environmental restore will take a relative long time, as we know. Moreover, the author did not tell us the detail of the cleaning plan. When does begin it语法问题, and how does the agency put it into practice? So the author's conclution about a increase of use of the water lacks credibility.

Last but not least, the author's suggestion is also doubtful. 首句应指出本段攻击点，什么方面doubtful Even if the river can be cleaned up, it is not clear that why the council will need to increase its budget for improvements to the lands along the Mason River? Can this plan represent the residents' real will? It is entirely possible that a majority of residents want to keep these lands wild 文中没有提到河边时wild，不要自己假设as before, so that they can get a real relax in the nature. The author did not show the oppinion
of the residents, therefore the final suggestion may be not proper.这一段表达上有逻辑问题，个人观点是，与上文有个过渡，说即使河水能够在短期内变干净，人们也愿意来到河边进行娱乐活动，但是，因为他们考虑到每天有很多人来这里娱乐，会有很多噪音等等，这些人也许不愿意在河边居住。这样表达会更连贯一些。

To sum up, in this argument, the evidence is not enough to support waht the author maintained. To strenghten, more information, such as a introduce of the city, a detailed plan about cleaning up the river and a poll about the improvement of lands, are necessary.
总体来说，这篇文章语法与拼写错误太多，表达也不是很好。还要加油啊！

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

这篇又是化工,一边写一边骂,真恶心的题材...
觉得自己的2,3段就是在讲一件事:这个技术could not be broadly actualized,是不是重复了...
算了,吃完饭来改.


TOPIC: ARGUMENT71 - Copper occurs in nature mixed with other minerals and valuable metals in ore, and the proportion of copper in the ore can vary considerably. Until fairly recently, the only way to extract pure copper from ore was by using a process that requires large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low. New copper-extracting technologies can use up to 40 percent less electricity than the older method to process the same amount of raw ore, especially when the proportion of copper in the ore is high. Therefore, we can expect the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry to decline significantly.
WORDS: 475          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009/3/6 17:32:50

Comparing the new technologies with the traditional ones, and then based upon the superiority in electricity reducing （use）of the former, the author thus predicted an optimistic perspective of the new copper-extracting skills. However, to prove those hypothesise requires more work of reasoning and more relative background evidences.

To begin with, the author might intensively conceal the purity of copper proceeded and the expenditure of replacing new equipment. Primarily, the quality of the products should not be overlooked. Admittedly, for its important influence in earning profits, cost should be considered as an important factor in comprehensive judgment of new industrial skills, whereas the quality and quantity of the products are even more decisive in determining practical value of certain new technology. As is self-evident, one industrial innovation could be broadly accepted only when its manufactures satisfied customers. If, for example, the new process of copper-extracting technologies failed to extract more pure copper, factories would never be willing to accept new technologies although the traditional one expends more electricity.这里详细论述了新设备提纯问题，逻辑连贯，理由充分。In addition, the technical costs are undeserved slipped. When the CEO of one copper-extracting corporation endeavor to decrease their daily cost of energy, the primary consideration of him/her would be how much should he/she pay for the new equipment? If the costs of exchanging equipment, for instance, are much higher than the spending of extra electricity, one would require great act of will to eliminate old equipment. Since the expectation of the author established mainly in wide spread and broad using of the new industrial skills, he/she should not neglect the possibilities mentioned above. 这一段提到了两个问题，一个是新设备所提到的铜纯度的问题，第二个是更换设备与节电费用比较的问题。

What is more, the effects of the new technologies to environment as well face the similar challenge. Are those new industrial skills detrimental to ecosphere? There might be opportunity that the equipment utilizing those technologies would release great amount of detrimental gases or polluted water to our living circumstance. Actually, if certain new technology will be harmful to our generations, it would never be actualized. Since the author rashly skip this possibility while focus merely on the power saving, the optimistic perspective he/she expecting might never emerge. True, new revolutionary industrial technology rarely failed to influence our daily lives, nonetheless, before verifying its practical influences, the positive anticipation is somewhat too hastily.正如作者所说，虽然语言不错，但这一段与第一段有些重复，都是用他因来批判新设备除省电外存在的其他问题。其实对于同一种错误，具一两个例子是没问题的，具体论述一个，其他一笔带过即可，每个他因都具体说会给人凑字的感觉。依我看，作者大可将第二段拆开，将第三段作为第二段中第二部分的一个小例子简单带过就好。

Last but not least, the author failed to take into account that there might be other alternative possibilities to reach out to the purpose of energy saving. 这一点范围说得有些大，原文是要说省电，而不是节省能源。Do there exist any chemical compounds that could accelerate the copper-extracting action? As is known to all, appropriate catalyst could lower the temperature required in chemical interactions and therefore reduce the cost of electricity.
这一段说有其他方法可以达到目的是下下策，一般在实在没有错误可批判时候才用的。原文中还有问题是可以进行批判的，比如：说新设备在矿石中铜含量高的时候，最高可以节约40%的电。而原文又说矿石中铜含量can vary considerably，也就是说，也许大多数矿石中铜含量都很低，所以电也有可能直接约很小一部分，甚至可以忽略不计。即使可以节约很大一部分，也可能抵不过换设备的花销。即使可以抵掉换设备的花销，也有可能提出铜的纯度不够，使加工厂生意减少，以致收入减少，总体还是亏本。这样一来逻辑递进，看着会比较舒服。

In sum, were there detailed background information demonstrating quality of the products and cost of the machine, particular description convincing the essential impact to circumstance, comprehensive deduction excluding other possible approaches, the expectation of the author would be more rational.
总体来讲，作者语言很好，用词也比较高级。

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

159.The nation of Claria covers a vast physical area. But despite wide geographic differences, many citizens are experiencing rising costs of electricity. A recent study of household electric costs in Claria found that families who cooled their houses with fans alone spent more on electricity than did families using air conditioners alone for cooling. However, those households that reported using both fans and air conditioners spent less on electricity than those households that used either fans or air conditioners alone. Thus, the citizens of Claria should follow the study's recommendation and use both air conditioners and fans in order to save money on electricity.

时间 30:00
----------------正文------------------------
In this argument, the arguer points out that the citizens of Claria should follow the study's recommendation and use both air conditioners and fans in order to save money on electricity. To support his recommendation, the arguer claims that it is based on a recent study. However, at the first glance, the arguer seems to be plausible, but after a close scrutiny, it lies in several fallacies and logical flaws discussed below.
To begin with, the arguer neglects an important factor which the nation of Claria covers a vast physical area. This phenomenon leads to the different temperature in different region. Therefore, in common sense, with different temperature it is absolutely different costs on electricity. For example, A is natural cooler than B, so A must pay less electric money on fans or air conditioners because the residents in A have already felt cooler than B. Consequently, without consider this factor, the arguer's claim is open to doubt.这段表达逻辑不够连贯，说面积大，可能横跨多纬度，年平均温度有差异，又冷又热，冷的地方比热的地方用制冷设备时间少，花费不同，再举例。这样写会好一些。

Secondly, the arguer fails to prove that it is the fact that all the electric costs which they have seen is the fans' or air conditioners' using cost. In other word, the arguer commits a false equal relationship between the overall electric cost and the fans' and air conditioners’ cost. It is entirely possible that when the residents are using fans or air conditioners, they also use other electric facilities, such as computers, televisions and so forth. Thus, without ruling out other possibilities about the electric cost, the arguer's claim can not convince us thoroughly.意思可以明白，表达不够清楚。

Even if I was to concede that it is the fact that this overall electric cost is equal to the cooling equipments' cost, the arguer's point is also suspect. It is likely that the longer we use the electric facilities, the more opportunity (probability) they will be wrong (they happen to malfunction). It is absolutely possible that the saving money is so little that we can neglect it while the electric equipment is mighty expensive. Therefore, it may not save money if these facilities have something wrong as the result of long time usage.这个问题有些牵强，用的时间长，维修费用会增加。原文指出，save money on electricity，这维修费用与电费似乎没什么关系。

To sum up, this argument lacks credible because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To better bolster and strengthen it, the arguer needs to provide specific information about the electric cost and offer us more data of local temperature in different regions.
红色为自己后来先修正的


恩 还行 模板化很重 但是文法还可以 这样至少保证你的分数不会太低
思路中庸 没有亮点 但是这也是4-6分才会考虑的 所以分数不会高
句子有些会造成阅读障碍 通篇读下来有的地方不通顺
总体来说 这篇ARGUMENT处于中等
不会把你像那些AW3分的同学那样被ARGUMENT害死 但也不会提你issue的分

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

蓝色和红色是我的批改，绿色是别人的。

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

"Many other companies have recently stated that having their employees take the Easy Read Speed-Reading Course has greatly improved productivity. One graduate of the course was able to read a five-hundred-page report in only two hours; another graduate rose from an assistant manager to vice president of the company in under a year. Obviously, the faster you can read, the more information you can absorb in a single workday. Moreover, Easy Read costs only $500 per employee-a small price to pay when you consider the benefits to Acme. Included in this fee is a three-week seminar in Spruce City and a lifelong subscription to the Easy Read newsletter. Clearly, Acme would benefit greatly by requiring all of our employees to take the Easy Read

At first glance, it would seem, according to the logic of the argument, that Acme Publishing Company (AC) will benefit greatly by requiring all of the employers to take the Easy Read, would be a foregone conclusion. However, the reasoning behind the argument is flawed for several reasons: the author's assumption that the employees taking the Easy Read has greatly improved productivity is open to doubt; the author omits the possibility the training may be useless to Acme; and the author fail to provide information to support that all employees of Acme need to take the training.

The author's assumption that the employees taking the training have improved productivity is specious. The author only takes two employees, the number of whom （whom指什么，这句话有问题）is too small to represent the overall employees taking the training, to support him. Perhaps other employees' productivity has not improved; even worse, taking the three-week seminar will require the employees to take a three- weeks excuse, which will serious affect the normal jobs of the employees. Besides, there may be other factors that explain the achievements of two employees. Perhaps, their abilities have already been very outstanding. Without the training one of them still can read a five-hundred-page report in only two hours; while the other still can rise to vice president. In sum, the author should provide more details of the other employees taking the training.这一段指出了两个问题，在我看，每个问题都可以独立写一个段落。写在一段导致每个问题表达都不够深入。针对原文的结论，所有员工会通过学习该课程而受益。首先，受益者只有两个例子，样本不足，有可能不受训练也有很快的阅读速度，有可能是因为别的原因，如拉到更多客人，为公司创下更高效益而升职。第二，三周不能上班，会影响工作，有可能被炒鱿鱼，有可能失去的薪水和学费抵不过获得的好处。

The author fail to guarantee other companies' success will apply to Acme. After all they are different companies and belong to different fields. Perhaps the training will not succeed in Acme for its disparities from other companies, such as the company size, the employees' jobs这一点是在下一段中具体说明的，挪一下位置 and the education background of employees. For example, maybe the employees of Acme are graduating from those famous universities, and they already have outstanding reading speeds, which do not have to be improved any more. 还有并不是每个职位的工作都需要阅读，让每个员工都参加培训需要很大花费，耽误很多工作，最后不一定会创造同样多的利润。Without considering the dissimilarities between these companies, the author can not assert Acme’s employees need the training.

Even assuming the employees of Acme have the need to improve their reading speed, the author's proposal that all employees take the training does not make sense. Common sense tells us that a company's employees have various jobs, many of which do not need the employees to read. For example, the company may have cleaners, whose jobs are just to do the cleaning. If require these cleaners to take the training, at the expense of $500 per person, would it not a waste of money?

Improving the productivity is of great importance to the company; however, the personnel director of Acme should not be hasty to give his proposal. To convince the readers to accept his conclusion, the author has much work to do: he should find if the training really can improve productivity; he should provide data to show whether Acme's employees need to take it and which employees need and which need not the training

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

A65
"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

According to the sales of their newest store and the results of a survey by Cheeses of the World, the president of a chain of cheese stores comes to the conclusion that the west way to improve profits （reduce expenses） in all of their stores is to discontinue stocking many of their varieties of imported cheeses and concentrate primarily on domestic  cheeses. Though sound as it seems, the reasoning is flawed in several aspects.

To begin with, in the newest store the domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconisin are the best selling cheeses does not mean that all the domestic cheeses sell well. It is entirely possible that all the other domestic cheeses nevertheless sell badly.与原文有冲突，已经说了销售前五都是国内奶酪。 Perhaps, in the newest store, the domestic cheeses except for those from Wisconisin sell not as well as the imported cheeses and the overall sales of imported cheeses are far more than that of domestic cheeses. If this is the case, discontinuing stocking the imported cheeses, the stores, whose overall sales will drop sharply, will definitely lose huge profits. Unless the president finds out the other cheeses' sales, his proposal will not be convincing.有漏洞，可以说销售量前五是国内奶酪，但总体销售量利润可能还是进口奶酪更胜国内奶酪，因为有可能进口奶酪价格更高。

Besides, even assuming that in the newest store, the sales of domestic are better than those of imported cheeses, the president's advice still be too hasty. The president has not provided any evidence that the newest can typify all of their stores. There are many disparities among all the stores, such as the geography positions, the economical conditions of the cities where the stores are located, the tastes of the stores' customers, which will lead to different  results of the president' proposal in variable stores. To guarantee this proposal can improve profits, the presidents must make an investigation to learn what the sales in other stores and whether the sales of the newest store can represent all the stores' sales.表达不够清楚，应指出该商店是连锁店，再继续论述。论述过程中，逻辑也不够连贯。

In addition, the result of the survey by the magazine can lends little support to the president's proposal. The majority of the survey's respondents are the subscribers of the magazine and not representatives of the overall customers of this chain of cheese stores. Perhaps the respondents' tastes differ greatly from the tastes of this chain of stores' customers, who more prefer imported cheeses. If the president wants to know what the tastes of his stores' customers, he should do a survey among the customers of their chain of stores, rather than blindly believing one magazine’s survey.

In sum, there are still many jobs demanding the presidents to do before his proposal's carried out. Such as, making an investigation to learn what the sales of the other cheeses and what the tastes of customers in all the stores of the chains are.
整体来说，表达不够清晰连贯，感觉有点语无伦次。语法错误较多。还要加油啊。

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

这是别人改的，很细致，值得学习

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

According to the sales(这里要说清楚是cheese sales) of their newest store and the results of a survey by Cheeses of the World (magazine), the president of a chain of cheese stores comes to the conclusion that the west way to improve(improve这个词用作提高的意思的时候是形容质量而非数量的) profits in all of their stores is to discontinue stocking many of their varieties of imported cheeses and concentrate primarily on domestic  cheeses. Though sound as it seems, the reasoning is flawed in several aspects.（这段看得出来，你审题错误了。按照你的第一段，仅仅是两个原因就推出了结论，然而，
作者的论证方式是：1.国产的奶酪卖的好（已给）+2.杂志的调查（已给）---> 推论1：本国的产品更受欢迎（潜台词：外国的不受欢迎）

【你忽略了这些】3.limiting inventory对减少开销有用（已给）--->推论2：limiting inventory对增加利润有用

接下来：推论1+推论2---->只卖本国的，不卖外国的奶酪对增加利润有用。（结论）
【然而你的第一段：】1+2--->结论
所以用这种简单的模板式开头，自然就会出现逻辑错误，我都能看出来，相信ETS老师绝对能看出来，我想这个也是为什么最近的XDF之类模板，考下来大家都觉得有话说，理当得高分，然而实际上得分低的原因。）

To begin with, in the newest store the domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconisin are the best selling cheeses does not mean that all the domestic cheeses sell well. （第一个批驳点：部分不能代表整体）It is entirely possible that all the other domestic cheeses nevertheless sell badly. Perhaps, in the newest store, the domestic cheeses except for those from Wisconisin sell not as well as the imported cheeses and(连词用的不对) the overall sales of imported cheeses are far more than that of domestic cheeses. If this is the case, discontinuing stocking the imported cheeses, the stores, whose overall sales will drop sharply, will（虚拟语气表推测） definitely lose huge profits. Unless the president finds out the other cheeses' sales（过于笼统）, his proposal will not be convincing（这个用特殊颜色标出来，我最后来说）.（这段最大的问题是破题不好，通常的情况下看来，5种最畅销的奶酪，已经能够包括到接近80%的奶酪市场情况了，而作者依然认为奶酪的总销量会被其他的不畅销的本国奶酪拖后腿从而低于外国奶酪（估计还占不到20%）的销量，这是小概率事情。）

Besides, even assuming that in the newest store, the sales of domestic are better than those of imported cheeses, the president's advice still be too hasty.（这句是败笔，句子内部是有逻辑联系的，句子之间也是有逻辑联系的，然而不管是从你的even if,还是下面一句话，我始终看不出你是如何套到advice（就是最后的结论）上去的，批驳的中间段一定要记住：你批的不是结论，是推出结论的直接或者间接的“推论”，就是那个-->） The president has not provided any evidence that the newest can typify all of their stores.（仔细多读几遍这个句号的前后两句话，就会有一种特别难受的感觉，因为他们之间没有关系，就是硬生生的摆在一起而已） There are many disparities among all the stores, such as the geography positions（我始终想不明白geography positions如何影响到作者结论的，估计ETS老师也不明白，你是不是该在下面举个例子？）, the economical conditions(这个倒是容易懂) of the cities where the stores are located, the tastes of the stores' customers, which will lead to different  results（空话！最忌讳这种，要说就说明确，是哪些） of the president' proposal in variable stores. To guarantee this proposal can improve profits, the presidents must make an investigation to（怎么扯到的investigation上的...） learn what the sales in other stores and whether the sales of the newest store can represent all the stores' sales.（问题1：这段写的很“空”，我稍微回头算了一下，至少有4句话就是翻来覆去，不停的换表达方式的说：“作者给的材料没有代表性，不能够证明作者的结论”，然而为什么不能证明？你的有限的3句回答当中出了问题2：和上一段简直说的就是一件事情。都是讨论的没有本国的奶酪销售没有代表性，上一段至少我看明白了是因为不能由部分推至整体，这一段完全搞不懂是从哪个角度入手的，非常的混乱...）

In addition, the result of the survey by the magazine can lends little support to the president's proposal. （讨论调查的代表性）The majority of the survey's respondents are the subscribers of the magazine and (could) not (be) representatives of the overall customers of this chain of cheese stores. Perhaps the respondents' tastes differ greatly from the tastes of this chain of stores' customers, who more prefer imported cheeses. If the president wants to know what the tastes of his stores' customers,(这句话是怎么来的？题目中有提到？) he should do a survey among the customers of their chain of stores, rather than blindly believing one magazine’s survey.（因果关系不明显，推断也是有问题的，仅仅是两个probably, perhaps，你就推出了最后一句，从而证明了第一句？如果这样都行，那随便个人都能否定全世界了。你需要更多“详细”的论述说明1.为什么这种可能性会发生，2发生了这种可能性以后对作者的推论有什么压倒性的影响。）

In sum, there are still many jobs demanding the presidents to do before his proposal's carried out. Such as, making an investigation to learn what the sales of the other cheeses and what the tastes of customers in all the stores of the chains are.（个人习惯，向来不改结尾，没意思）"
zycly86 发表于 2009-2-19 16:49

问题很大，很多，很严重，除开语言比较流畅文字功底还不错以外，逻辑实在是相当多漏洞可以钻。
总结一下你的中间3段，除开第二段不知所云以外，1，3段分别对应的是两个作者已经给出的材料。
然而我在第一段结束的时候画的那个推理过程，可以很明显的看出，作者的漏洞，大大的有，绝对不是你批2个给出材料的可信度，就能够insightful驳倒的
我想大家根据 XDF或者其他人的资料，都是觉得批标注了（已给）的东西的真实性才是argument,实际上，真正最重要的东西，在“--->”上，光死盯着一个材料的真实性，可信度，代表性，仅仅只是皮毛而已。
语言也仅仅是一个锦上添花的东西，关键还是内涵。
此外最需要提醒你的一点就是：黄色的批注，是经常犯的错误，argument，每个小段批的都是推断，不是批的结论，更不是批的材料。
最后评一下分好了，3-4分之间吧

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

TOPIC: ARGUMENT188 - A new report suggests that men and women experience pain very differently from one another, and that doctors should consider these differences when prescribing pain medications. When researchers administered the same dosage of kappa opioids-a painkiller-to 28 men and 20 women who were having their wisdom teeth extracted, the women reported feeling much less pain than the men, and the easing of pain lasted considerably longer in women. This research suggests that kappa opioids should be prescribed for women whenever pain medication is required, whereas men should be given other kinds of pain medication. In addition, researchers should reevaluate the effects of all medications on men versus women.
WORDS: 424          TIME: 00:28:34          DATE: 2008-12-1 15:54:44
(已经放到word里面改过错别字)
In the argument, the arguer draw a conclusion that kappa opioids should be prescribed for women whenever pain medication is required, whereas men should be given other kinds of pain medication. Besides, the arguer also suggests that researchers should reevaluate the effects of all medications on men versus women. 基本完全重复原文The argument is mainly based on a research about 28 men and 20 women having their wisdom teeth extracted. However, although the conclusion sounds indeed reasonable at first thought, several logical flaws may seriously undermine this argument.
First of all, the arguer commits a fallacy of "hasty generalization". Firstly, the research only tests one kind of painkiller-- kappa opioids without testing other kinds of painkiller's effect. Based on a specific example, it is logically unsounded to make suggestion for all medications.
这个结论有点跳跃，原文只通过一个止痛药物的例子，不能说明所有的止痛药，更不能说明所有的药物。况且攻击“所有药物”这个错误放在后面比较好。应该由止痛药的错误到延伸至所有药物的错误递进着说会使段与段之间看起来更加有规律。It is very possible that other kind of medications might be completely different from kappa opioids, 依然从一种止痛药跳到所有的药they might have the same effect on men and women, or might be more effective on men than women.
只是简单的说理，没有说清原因。为什么可能对男女作用相同。应当指出药与药的成分不同，而男女身体只在某些方面有区别，而大部分是相同的。所以有可能其他药物男女服用后的反应时一样的。我只是举个例子，不一定非要这么说，但是一定要把理由说出来，而非进行单纯的推理。Secondly, the result of the research is limitedly based on one kind of situation--extracting the wisdom teeth. It is likely that this situation is not typical in general and in other cases kappa opioids might have the same effect on men and women. 和上面的问题一样In fact, in the face of such limited evidence, it is fallacious to draw any conclusion at all.  这一段论述顺序有问题，由小的方面说到大的方面会更好一点。
Moreover, the research cited by the arguer is too vague to be informative. The number of the subjects, 28 men and 20 women, might constitute an insufficiently small sample to draw any reliable conclusion. Also, the sample might be unrepresentative of the most people.这里攻击样本数量问题似乎不太恰当。除了样本数量之外这项调查的描述中漏洞还有很多，比如说，原文只说了男人和女人是食用了相同剂量的止痛药，其他任何情况都没有交代，例如，有没有同时服用其他止痛药物，饭前服用还是饭后，牙齿疼痛轻重程度等等，这些因素的不同都有可能导致研究结果的不同。
It is possible that the women in the group are more health than the men. Without better evidence that the research is statistically reliable, the arguer cannot convince me to accept his conclusion.
Last but not least, the arguer assumes that kappa opioids are more effective to women than men, according to the evidence that the women reported felling much less pain than the men. But it is not sufficient to substantiate the assumption. It is entirely possible that the women might own more powerful ability to stand the pain or the men might express the pain openly.这一段空话依然很多，没有逻辑上的推理过程
To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to do more scientific and substantial research. To better evaluate the argument, we would need more information regarding the reference of other medications.

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

又没有颜色了……

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

TOPIC: ARGUMENT80 - The following appeared as an editorial in a health magazine.

"Clormium 5 is an odorless, tasteless, and generally harmless industrial by-product that can enter the water supply. A preliminary study has linked cooking with water containing clormium 5 to an increased incidence of allergies and skin rashes. Tests of the drinking water in several areas have revealed the presence of clormium 5. Although it is possible to remove clormium 5 from water, the costs of routine testing and purification are higher than many communities can afford. Therefore, in order to prevent allergies and skin rashes, communities that cannot afford to rid their drinking water of clormium 5 should replace drinking fountains源 in public buildings, such as schools and libraries, with bottled-water coolers."绿色的字，我不懂是什么东西，不知道理解是否有误
WORDS: 397          TIME: 00:28:25          DATE: 2008-11-6 19:56:41
其实原文还有很多漏洞，作者没有表达出来，比如：1、Tests of the drinking water in several areas have revealed the presence of clormium 5.并不说明，所有地区的水都含c5，应该进行抽样调查，对有问题的水进行治理。2、remove贵就替换喷头么？有可能替换喷头更贵。而且c5也不一定是在喷头处添加进去的，有可能是在过滤的过程中加进去的，所以仅仅替换喷头而不更换过滤装置也解决不了根本问题。

Before the implementation the recommendation in the argument above, there are several evidence which need to be reexamined in some other aspects, as discussed below.开头很简洁，没有重复原文。

To begin with, the result of study is open to doubt. Firstly, the argument above provides no detail or information concerning how many people participate the study and how they are selected. Common sense tells us that the smaller the sample size is, the less reliable and credible the result of study will be. Perhaps, only 100 people participate the study, if this is the case, this small sample size is insufficient and imprecise to draw any conclusion. Also due to lacking of information concerning how people are selected to participate the study, we cannot conclude whether the result of study is representative enough.到此为止，空话较多，因为任何带有调查的问题都可以这样攻击，所以rater应该也看得很多了，不到没话说，这种批判最好不要用。 Secondly, the study overlooks other factors
除喝了带c5的水以外的，注意严谨which can lead to allergies and skin rashes. Perhaps, due to eating some unclean food,吃不干净的食物会过敏么？有些牵强，依据每个人的体制不同，每个人的过敏对象不同。 some of the participants get allergies and skin rashes. If this is the case, the conclusion renders its incredibility due to ignore other factors which can lead the same symptoms, such as skin rashes.

In addition, even if the result of the study is substantiated, it does not follow that presence of clormium 5 will definitely cause allergies and skin rashes. Perhaps, the amount of clormium 5 in the drinking water is little so that it is insufficient to cause people sick. Perhaps, some other materials exist in the drinking water too, which prohibit the effect of clormium 5 to cause people sick. 这句话看着别扭。Without ruling out all these possibilities above, the conclusion of argument is groundless to me.这一段容易让人感觉自相矛盾，既然承认研究结果是可信的，为什么又说有可能是别的东西导致过敏呢。其实，你的意思是原文说过敏与喝带有c5的说有联系link，但不一定由因果关系。这样表达会更好一点。

Last not the least, even if the foregoing assumptions are all substantiated, it does not follow that replacing drinking fountains in public buildings with bottled-water coolers will be the best solution. The argument overlooks other methods to deal with drinking water containing clormium 5, which maybe more economical and effective.这里用他因进行批判，但是不是说明他因如何如何有效，而是要说原文给出的原因是如何如何无效，举例找原因。 Perhaps, adding some medicines into the water can offset the effects of clormium 5. Further, the argument does not provide any information concerning bottled-water. Perhaps, these bottled-water still contains clormium 5.这么说就有点无理取闹了，原文说了 rid their drinking water of clormium 5，你还说有可能他们依然含有c5。In this sense, the recommendation amounts to nothing.

In conclusion, the argument above fails to convince me. To strengthen the argument, the arguer should provide more detail about the preliminary study above and other methods which can be used for dealing with the drink water containing clormium 5.

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

这是别人改的……借鉴一下

文章的结论：Therefore, in order to prevent allergies and skin rashes, communities that cannot afford to rid their drinking water of clormium 5 should replace drinking fountains in public buildings, such as schools and libraries, with bottled-water coolers."
如果想让这个结论成立，需要做几个假设：

1.allergies and skin rashes是clormium 5引起的（第一个假设）。A preliminary study has linked cooking with water containing clormium 5 to an increased incidence of allergies and skin rashes. 这里的红色字体有些问题，preliminary study
得出的结论是否科学？这里提到的是cooking和allergies and skin rashes有关，是什么样的关系？如果含有clormium 5的水不去cooking，那么会不会就没有allergies and skin rashes？如果是这样，那public buildings就没必要装bottled-water coolers，因为这里的用水不是用来cooking的。

2.那些负担不起除去clormium 5花费的社区的饮用水里含有clormium 5（第二个假设）。这一点是值得怀疑的，文章只是说Tests of the drinking water in several areas have revealed the presence of clormium 5.那有可能付不起除clormium 5费用的社区的饮用水不含有clormium 5

3.replace drinking fountains with bottled-water coolers是有效果的（第三个假设）。文章没有提供相关的证据，即使是有效果的，那检测和净化的费用是最便宜的吗？

4.replace drinking fountains in public buildings, such as schools and libraries能够有效的防止 allergies and skin rashes（第四个假设）。仅仅通过在公共场合安装这个 bottled-water coolers就可以了吗？在家庭，工作....的地方一样会感染啊！
而你在这里所攻击的对象：1. 调查样品、方法
                                    2. clormium 5 和allergies and skin rashes的因果关系
                                    3. bottled-water coolers不一定是最好的办法

我倾向于开头结尾简介，把中间的论证多写一些。这一点我也同意。
你的第二点是从另一个角度来看的，视角不同吧，但是我觉得主要的逻辑问题是clormium 5 和allergies and skin rashes是否存在因果关系
我觉得这个问题层层论证好一些。
1.先说clormium 5 和allergies and skin rashes是否有因果关系。（这一点可以从A preliminary study着手，这个也仅仅调查了cooking和allergies and skin rashes的关系，局部不能代表整体，而且是初步调查，科学性值得怀疑）
2.退一步来讲，即使两者存在因果关系，那些负担不起花费的社区饮用水是否都存在clormium 5（这一点可以从Tests of the drinking water in several areas have revealed the presence of clormium 5着手）
3.如果上面两个假设成立，那安装瓶装水冷却器是否有效？或者是最便宜且有效的办法？（这个并没有资料证明）
4.如果要防止allergies and skin rashes，光在公共建筑安装这个是远远不够的

aladdin.ivyUID: 2596664

TOPIC: ARGUMENT15 - The following appeared in a newsletter offering advice to investors.

"Over 80 percent of the respondents to a recent survey indicated a desire to reduce their intake吸收量 of foods containing fats and cholesterol, and today low-fat products abound in many food stores. Since many of the food products currently marketed by Old Dairy Industries are high in fat and cholesterol, the company's sales are likely to diminish greatly and their profits will no doubt decrease. We therefore advise Old Dairy stockholders to sell their shares and other investors not to purchase stock in this company."
WORDS: 550         TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2008/10/21
In this argument, the author claims that Old Dairy company is not worthy for investors, because many products of Old Dairy are high in fat and cholesterol, which make people regard them as unhealthy foods. Yet, just based on the cursory survey and unsubstantiated assumptions, the argument is far away to be convincing.
First of all, the reliability and generalizability of the survey is open to question. In this survey, 80 percent of the respondents want to reduce the intake of fats and cholesterol. However, the 80 percentage could be significant if the overall number of respondents is 10 million, while it could be meaningless if there are only 10 respondents in the survey. What is more, the backgrounds and health conditions of these respondents are also important. If the 80 percent respondents all suffer from obesity, heart diseases or diabetes, the result of the survey cannot represent the attitude of most healthy people. In addition, the location of the survey is kept unknown as well. Common sense informs us that in developed regions where overweight lists as one of the top health problems, people may highly concern about low-fat diets. While in some poverty region, the high-fat product might be more popular. If Old Dairy's markets mainly locate in the poverty regions other than developed regions, the influence of high-fat foods might be little. In a word, without detailed information of the respondents in the survey, the author can hardly draw to the conclusion that most people would refuse to choose Old Dairy's high-fat foods.从多方面指出调查不可信的错误，好。

Secondly, the fact that low-fact foods abound in many stores lends little support to the conclusion. For one thing, there are many low-fact foods does not mean that high-fat foods are losing their customers. It is entirely possible that the overall sale of low-fat foods is lower than high-fat foods. Some high-fat foods, such as butter, are dispensible to many families. Also, the higher cost for producing low-fat foods may prevent them指什么？ gaining high profits. 光说了制造低脂食物的成本高，还要说明收入低才能prevent gaining high profits。还有，很多商店买低脂食物，不一定由很多顾客买，即使买了，食用低脂食物 并不代表脂肪的吸收量会降低。For another, the author does not cite whether the low-fat foods are competitors toward Old Dairy's products.这和竞争有何关系？ If most of the low-fat foods are bread and soft-drink, while Old Dairy focus on ice-cream, the low-fat products can hardly threaten Old Dairy's sales.
Finally, granted the high-fat foods would influence Old Dairy's profit, it is still presumptuous to judge that Old Dairy's stock are not worthy for investing. On the one hand, according to the reputation of Old Dairy, it might still occupy a large market. After all, the price and taste of food are also play vital roles during the selling. Even though many of Old Dairy's products are not healthy, people may still love them. Furthermore, although many products of Old Dairy are high in fat and cholesterol, it does not preclude that Old Dairy also produce many healthy foods which are low in the two ingredients. Perhaps the healthy foods could guarantee Old Dairy’s high profit.  On the other hand, even if the price of Old Dairy's stock is declining, it may not the best chance to sell the stocks. If Old Dairy has already realized the problem and has made efforts to develop new healthy foods, Old Dairy's stock would have a high potential to increase. Considering the possible rise of price, it might be a wise investment to buy Old Dairy’s stocks, let alone keep them.这一段用他因攻击OD利润问题，简单句较多。

To sum up, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. It can be improved by considering the recent sales of Old Dairy’s products and the price movements of its stock. After all, the evaluation of the profitability of an investment needs comprehensive market surveys and long-term perspectives.