[1010G精英组] ISSUE&ARGU 习作 by Group Energy

nanfeng25899UID: 2629871

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1 感兴趣的同学们都愿意学，反之，如果一味强加学生学一样的，可能会毁掉一些人才
2 但是，仅仅学习自己感兴趣的，可能无法掌握一些工作中所需要的其他领域的基础知识
3 而且，教育的目的不仅仅在于学习技能，关键还在于是否让学生掌握生存的技能

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Is the education truly effective if the students barely take the courses designed to meet their personal needs and interests? Most people may answer "yes" without hesitation; whereas they may be neglect other values of our education such as grasping the basic knowledge in other uninterested fields which may be used in their future works, or honing the basic abilities to blend into the society.

When we have the class in which the teacher is talking about the knowledge relevant to our interested area, the efficiency is surprisingly high. On the contrary, we lost our mind unconsciously and even perform abnormally, which is not a sign of the effective education. Take Gillian Lynne, a famous British dancer noted for her popular theatre choreography associated with the iconic musicals Cats and the current longest show in Broadway, the Phantom of the Opera, for an example. When she was in the primary school, her teacher called to her parents about the learning disorder of Gillian, which is now called "ADHD". Then they take her to the hospitals to cure this "disease". But, to everyone's astonishment, when she was left alone in the doctors room with the music played in the radio, she just danced to the beats and melodies. She was born as a dancer. Since then, she was taken to the dance school, feeling that there is the home to her, and in the end she made it. Imagine that if we let her stay at the school with the course designed for the most "normal" students, we will lost not only two most significant musicals but also the great dancer. Therefore, in many cases, this specialized education catering to individuals’ requirements will be more helpful for some people.

However, we should not generalize all the situations by only several special cases. If we just dig into what we are interested, we are not likely to master masses of the basic knowledge which seems to be no connection with our loved realm. In China, math, the most disgusting subjects for the majority of the students, is just a case in point. Many people emphasize that there is no use learning this principle because in daily life no one will use the calculus to figure out the max or draw a picture with the functions. Of course, you are right in terms of those aspects, nevertheless, what about other sections? In numerous sections, there are odds that you need conduct the survey, and at that time, math will be a convenient tool to cope with those disordered data.
The purpose of education is not just to make the students engage themselves on their interests but to educate them to master the useful and basic tools to expand their favorite sectors.

Furthermore, although there is no doubt that the interest plays crucial role in learning, colleges and schools are the places where to not only impart the knowledge but also to teach you how to survive in this fierce society. Just having sufficiently professional knowledge is often not meant to a promising future if you do not know how to cooperate harmonically or communicate efficiently with others. Those skill can not fostered under the conditions that you only have the courses designed for your needs and interests with less touch with the students majoring in diverse principles. Nowadays, the unsociable people will definitely have fewer chances to succeed, which marks the education with the label of the failure.

Overall, even if the specialized courses for personal needs and interests appear to be more beneficial, we are ought to take the needs and interests of the work and society into consideration. Which employee wants to hire a graduate who is just limited in their own fields and not socialized? Only when the students, at least, can survive in this competitive society can we claim that the education is truly effective.

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Revised By Finn

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语法问题 批注 精彩表达

Is the education truly effective if the students barely take the courses designed to meet their personal needs and interests? Most people may answer "yes" without hesitation; whereas they may be neglect other values of our education such as grasping the basic knowledge in other uninterested fields which may be used in their future works, or honing the basic abilities to blend into the society. (啊？我觉得你偏题了啊？？文章没有说take the courses designed to meet their personal needs and interests你把题目理解为take the courses “通过什么方式(take the courses)满足personal needs and interests” 而题目要讨论 “满足personal needs and interests是不是教育最有效?”…我感觉很偏题。。。)

When we have the class in which the teacher is talking about the knowledge relevant to our interested area, the efficiency is surprisingly high. On the contrary, we lost our mind unconsciously and even perform abnormally, which is not a sign of the effective education.(这句话怎么翻译？) Take Gillian Lynne, a famous British dancer noted for her popular theatre choreography associated with the iconic musicals Cats and the current longest show in Broadway, the Phantom of the Opera, for an example.
When she was in the primary school, her teacher called to her parents about the learning disorder of Gillian, which is now called "ADHD". Then they take her to the hospitals to cure this "disease". But, to everyone's astonishment, when she was left alone in the doctors room with the music played in the radio, she just danced to the beats and melodies. She was born as a dancer. Since then, she was taken to the dance school, feeling that there is the home to her, and in the end she made it. Imagine that if we let her stay at the school with the course designed for the most "normal" students, we will lost not only two most significant musicals but also the great dancer. Therefore, in many cases, this specialized education catering to individuals’ requirements will be more helpful for some people.
(这段好像回来一些，例子有些冗长，细节什么的可以少一些 有点像托福作文了我这几天反思了一下怎么都是用例子撑文章和字数但逻辑的说理和分析很缺乏 我想今后得在这些方面加强训练)


However, we should not generalize all the situations by only several special cases. If we just dig into what we are interested, we are not likely to master masses of the basic knowledge which seems to be no connection with our loved realm. In China, math, the most disgusting subjects for the majority of the students, is just a case in point. Many people emphasize that there is no use learning this principle because in daily life no one will use the calculus to figure out the max or draw a picture with the functions. Of course, you are right in terms of those aspects, nevertheless, what about other sections? In numerous sections, there are odds that you need conduct the survey, and at that time, math will be a convenient tool to cope with those disordered data.


The purpose of education is not just to make the students engage themselves on their interests but to educate them to master the useful and basic tools to expand their favorite sectors.


Furthermore, although there is no doubt that the interest plays crucial role in learning, colleges and schools are the places where to not only impart the knowledge but also to teach you how to survive in this fierce society. Just having sufficiently professional knowledge is often not meant to a promising future if you do not know how to cooperate harmonically or communicate efficiently with others. Those skill can not (cannot) fostered under the conditions that you only have the courses designed for your needs and interests with less touch with the students majoring in diverse principles. Nowadays, the unsociable people will definitely have fewer chances to succeed, which marks the education with the label of the failure.

Overall, even if the specialized courses for personal needs and interests appear to be more beneficial, we are ought to take the needs and interests of the work and society into consideration. Which employee wants to hire a graduate who is just limited in their own fields and not socialized? Only when the students, at least, can survive in this competitive society can we claim that the education is truly effective.

小结：1、开头写偏了，后面还可以
     2、没好好细看 下周考试了 呵呵 上面的建议你看看吧

shevavaUID: 2574709

In this era of rapid social and technological change, each nation puts more and more emphasis on education so as to keep pace of the change. How can the education be effective satisfying the needs of the development of the nation? Since everyone may have different background, different interest, and different dream and so on, the most appropriate education meeting their individual needs and interests should be specifically designed. However, the limitations exist in that the resources of education a nation can provide is not enough and the development of the society needs students studying some specific curriculums, such as morality, math, and so on, so that the students can develop themselves to be a person in accordance of the society.

An educational system that can take into account the specific needs and interest of each student will help the students to fully develop their distinct potential and interest. In such an educational system, students, feeling centered and appreciated, will be more motivated to study. As we all know, interest is the best teacher. For instance, when Yao Ming was a child, he was most interests in archeology, so every time he was free, he sat and read books of archeology. One time that he gained his wages from his sports team of Shanghai, he bought books he liked. As time went by, when he was twelve years old, he become interested in basketball and since then he worked hard and improved himself. Due to his great effort, he becomes a member of NBA, the best basket league in the world, and even a super star. Someone may argue that all his achievements results from his born advantage of body, but there are a lot of people higher than Yao remaining unknown to us short of achievements.

People may take for granted that the more specifically designed education one can get according his/her own needs and interests, the more effective it will turn out to be, since students will be much more actively engaged in study without the necessity to learn what does not interest them, or what seems to be of no apparent help to their future careers. Reasonable as it may seem, such an education pattern does not make full use of modern educational resources. At different stage of their life of the students, they may have different interests and needs which are too various to be met, not to mention that some of them may not know what they are fond of. Thus, comparing with the large amount of the students, the educational resources are limited, even short. It is obvious that complete liberty designing education to meet the interests and needs is unrealistic.

Even if education resources is abound, specifically designed education should not take the place of the traditional general education. Madison once said that, the competing, balancing interests of a diverse people can help ensure the survival of liberty. But there are values that all American citizens share that we should want all students to know and to make their own: honesty, fairness, self-discipline, fidelity to task, friends, and family, personal responsibility, love of a country, and belief in the principle of liberty, equality, and freedom to practice one’s faith.

Although complete liberty in designing education is not available to all individual students, school can try their best to offer more choices and autonomy to students as long as the quality of compulsory education is guaranteed. Students maximize their energy to function in the society if they can develop their ability by the motivation of their interests. Without interests, students may only work out their tasks commonly, short of creative ideas. Thus, school should take their interests into consideration by providing more selected course covering as many fields as they can.

To sum up, the most effective educational system that can be carried out during our time not only includes the traditional general system providing the basic and comprehensive skills for the students, but also should make the best effort to offer choices and autonomy to students meeting their individual needs and interests. Only in this way, can the nation develop steadily, smoothly and rapidly, so that more contribution on can be devoted to the progress and prosperity of human beings.

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

帮小肯占座~~~

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

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                                                             【1010G精英组】E小组第17次作业

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Argument203

The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient's stay is

two days; at the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay

is six days. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the

Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in

Megaville, and there are few complaints about service at the local hospital. Such data indicate

that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than

treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."

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kingwyf87UID: 2457409

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1 the average length of a patient's stay is two days (nonprofit hospital), the average patient stay is six days (for-profit hospital)
2 the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital
3 The Saluda hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville
4 The Saluda hospital has few complaints about service at the local hospital
1 2 3 4 à smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals

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In this newspaper feature story the author concludes that the smaller, nonprofit hospitals are more economical and better quality than the large, for-profit hospitals. To strengthen his conclusion, the arguer points out that patients in the Megavile (M) are treated lees time than in the Saluda (S). And the M employs more staffs per patient and receives lees complaints. This argument suffers some critical flaws that seriously undermine the author’s conclusion and accordingly is not thoroughly well-reasoned. The main flaws of the letter will be discussed respectively.

To begin with, the threshold problem with this argument is that the reporter fails to think that the less time patients stay in the hospital and higher cure rate indicates the better quality of treatment. For the one thing, it is entirely possible that the S only can cure the minor disease and the patients whose treatment only require a few days in the hospital, while most patients in the M may have severe illness and need to stay a long time for their curing in the hospital. For another, the reason of people usually going to the large hospitals, not the small ones, is that they think the large ones may have more advanced medical equipment or excellent doctors that will better dealing with their problems. However, diseases such like different canners cannot be treated well even if the patients are treated in the large hospitals.

Yet, another problem in this argument is that the author is unwarranted to prove that the more staffs hospitals hired means the better quality. In the S hospital, it may hire more employees just for the part time job as the hospital is small with few patients and cannot afford too many permanent staffs, while the M may have more full time job employees than S. Thus the more employees do not indicate the quality of hospital. Even if the S employs more employees, the auger is unfair to think these employees are all used for taking care of the patients. Maybe the staffs in the S are busy doing other things instead of caring about their patients, while the M provides some dedicated staffs for each patient with professional nursing. Lacking such evidence and the arguer choose to ignore this facts, the conclusion is scant reliability.

At the last, the mere fact that S receives fewer patient complaints than M proves nothing about either efficiency or quality of care. The author gives no information of what’s the exact number complaints received from the two hospitals and its percentage of the whole patients in S and M, respectively. Maybe, the complaints are more or less in the two hospitals, but patients in the M is hundreds times than in the S. Even if the efficiency or quality of care in the S is better than in the M, the author cannot hastily to draw the conclusion that the smaller, nonprofit hospitals are better than larger, for-profit hospitals. S and M may not be typical of nonprofit hospitals and for-profit hospitals respectively. Maybe the situations described in the newspaper are completely different because the S and M are the unrepresentative, exceptional ones.   

To sum up, this argument, while seems well-supported at first, has several flaws as discussed above. Hence it is unacceptable and not persuasive as it stands. Yet, it could be substantiated by provide more detailed information about the S and the M. I would also need author to provide other evidences to indicate the S and the M can be the representative of the nonprofit hospital and for-profit hospital respectively. Only in this way can the author’s conclusion be trustworthy.   

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Revised By Nanfeng25899

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批改标注:

1。红色，表示“错误”
2。洋红，表示“用法欠妥当”
3。蓝色，是我的批注
4。绿色，表示“很精彩的文字”

In this newspaper feature story the author concludes that the smaller, nonprofit hospitals are more economical and better quality than the large, for-profit hospitals. To strengthen his conclusion, the arguer points out that patients in the Megavile (M) are treated lees time than in the Saluda (S). And the M employs more staffs per patient and receives lees【less】 complaints. This argument suffers some critical flaws that seriously undermine the author’s conclusion and accordingly is not thoroughly well-reasoned. The main flaws of the letter will be discussed respectively.

【结构很清晰~~~】

To begin with, the threshold problem with this argument is that the reporter fails to think【作者并不是没有想到，你的意思是“错误的认为”吧，但是 fails to think 不是这个意思】that the less time patients stay in the hospital【前面加for which】 and higher cure rate indicates the better quality of treatment. For the one thing, it is entirely possible that the S only can cure【是医生可以至于吧，不是医院，中国式的。。。】the minor diseases and the patients whose treatment only require a few days in the hospital, while most patients in the M may have severe illnesses and need to stay a long time for their curing【cure也可以做名词】 in the hospital. For another, the reason of people usually going to the large hospitals, not the small ones【语法有问题，改成why people usually go to the large hospitals, not the small ones】, is that they think the large ones may have more advanced medical equipments or excellent doctors that will better dealing【语法问题，改成have better means to deal】 with their problems. However, diseases such like different canners【such as是固定用法；不同的癌症？这样表述有点怪。。。】 cannot be treated well even if the patients are treated in【重复了，改成turn to吧】 the large hospitals.

【本段的语法问题相对多一些，逻辑结构还是挺清晰地】

Yet, another problem in this argument is that the author is unwarranted to prove that the more staffs hospitals hired means the better quality. In the S hospital, it may hire more employees just for the part time job as the hospital is small with few patients and cannot afford too many permanent staffs, while the M may have more full time job employees than S. Thus the more employees do not indicate the quality of hospital. Even if the S employs more employees, the auger is unfair to think these employees are all used for taking care of the patients. Maybe the staffs in the S are busy doing other things instead of caring about their patients, while the M provides some dedicated staffs for each patient with professional nursing. Lacking such evidences and the arguer choose to ignore this facts, the conclusion is scant reliability.【语法结构有问题；后面的句子：结论是不足的可靠性？】

【本段后面的那个论述的点感觉上有点牵强】

At the last, the mere fact that S receives fewer patient【patients’ 】 complaints than M proves nothing about either efficiency or quality of care. The author gives no information of what’s the exact number complaints received from the two hospitals and its percentage of the whole patients in S and M, respectively. Maybe, the complaints are more or less【是副词。。。，more of less same】 in the two hospitals, but patients in the M is hundreds times than 【those】in the S. Even if the efficiency or quality of care in the S is better than 【加上that】in the M, the author cannot hastily to【改成be so hasty to】 draw the conclusion that the smaller, nonprofit hospitals are better than larger, for-profit hospitals. S and M may not be typical of nonprofit hospitals and for-profit hospitals respectively. Maybe the situations described in the newspaper are completely different because the S and M are the unrepresentative, exceptional ones. 【最后这一句的意思不是很懂】

【这一段整体来说还是不错的，就是不知道这样吧两个谬误点放在一起，是不是不太好？我个人觉得ETS考官好像觉得考生只要提到主要的谬误就成了】

To sum up, this argument, while seems【改成seeming】 well-supported at first, has several flaws as discussed above. Hence it is unacceptable and not persuasive as it stands. Yet, it could be substantiated by provide【providing】 more detailed information about the S and the M. I would also need author to provide other evidences to indicate the S and the M can be the representative of the nonprofit hospital and for-profit hospital respectively. Only in this way can the author’s conclusion be trustworthy.   


综合评价:

1 总的来说逻辑结构比较清晰，谬误点比较全面，但是感觉不是很深入；我个人觉得ETS觉得谬误找得准，分析得深的文章比较好

2 语言上总体感觉比较流畅，有个别的地方表述有问题

3 语法错误相对多了一点，不过比以前的文章少~~~

有问题Q我~~~

Nanfeng25899

zmssghhUID: 2779772

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  1：不能证明数据的真实性和代表性
2：在医院中停留的时间和治愈的速度不能代表医院的水平，因为患者患病情况不同
3：更多的雇员和很少的抱怨同样不能证实作者的结论，因为可能是由于大医院医术太好导致患者过多所致


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In the story, the author claims that smaller nonprofit hospitals hold better quality and lower fee than those large hospitals, whose main goal is gaining profit. In supporting his conclusion, the author gives the fact that patients' cure rate in small hospitals is twice than that in large hospitals. What's more, he also cites the fact that there are more employees for each patient in small hospitals, which receive few complaints from patients, comparing to larger hospitals. Although seems to be logical at first glance, the argument, in fact, suffers several logic flaws, making the author's conclusion unsubstantiated and questionable.

At first, the author claims that the average length of a patient's stay in small, nonprofit hospitals is four days shorter than that in large hospitals. However, the author fails to give any information about where he get the figure and how the studies were conducted, making the figure lack of credibility. It is entirely possible that the person who conducts the research lacks experience in doing such a study or the patients involved in the studies are not randomly selected. In this case, it is impossible for the author to draw any substantiated conclusion based on these inaccurate figures.

Secondly, even if the figures cited by the author are exact and representative, the author fails to establish any strong connection between the cure rate of patients and the quality of the hospitals. According to our common sense, people who get very serious disease prefer to go to a larger hospital while those whose disease is not so serious may tend to receive treatment in a smaller and cheaper one. In this case, the patients in the large hospitals, who get a serious disease, will surely stay in the hospital for a longer time than those patients in a small hospital, who maybe only get a cold. Thus, the difference of the cure rate and stay time between two kinds of hospitals cannot lend any support to the author's claim.

At last, the fact that there are more employees per patient and few complaints in smaller hospitals also cannot indicates that small nonprofit hospitals have a better quality than larger ones.It is possible that because of its advanced technique, the large hospital gets such a high reputation that so many patients come to the hospital from nearby areas, making the hospital crowd and lack of doctors. It is also possible that although having less employees for each patient, the majority of the employees in large hospitals get a better education compared to those who are working in small hospitals. Unless ruling out all these possibilities, it is inadvisable for the author to draw any final conclusion about these two kinds of hospitals.

To sum up, all the facts and figures cited by the author lend little support to the author's conclusion. In order to persuade us of his argument, the author has to give more information about where he get the figures. What's more, he also has to give well-founded reasons to prove that high cure rate and more employees per patients can indicate the high quality of a hospital.
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nanfeng25899UID: 2629871

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1 前提一：S的非营利医院病人的平均住院天数是两天，附近M市大的营利医院的平均住院天数是六天
2 前提二：S的疗愈率是M的两倍
3 前提三：S每位医生看的病人也比M的多，抱怨也少
4 结论：小的非赢利医院的治疗比大的赢利医院更经济质量也更好


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1 两个医院住院天数没有可比性，可能由于S医院的资源有限，导致病人还没有好就必须要
2 S医院的治疗效率更高并没有考虑病人的疾病的实际情况，小病一般去小医院，大病，难治的疾病才去大医院
3 抱怨的数量少并不能能说明S医院的质量更好，很可能因为S是非盈利的，人们对它的的抱怨少；M是盈利的人，人们自然对他的要求更高；另外，还有可能因为S的口碑相当不好，去看病的人数少。

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The reasoning behind the conclusion that smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in larger, non-profit hospitals, at first glance, seems to be tenable and logic because of the shorter length of stay, higher cure rate, more employees per patient and fewer complaints. However, the arguer indeed overlooks the fallacies in the arguments.

Firstly, nothing can be deduced using the comparison of the length of stay in the two hospitals due to the fact that non-profit hospitals, in most cases, only have limited resources to offer the patients the basic treatments. It is more likely that in order to cure more patients the employees in the Saluda hospital will advice, even force, those patients who do not completely recover from their diseases to make room for the new patients, thereby resulting in this shorter average length of a patient' stay. Without taking this possibility into account, this data may mask the truth that maybe Megaville hospital is a better choice for patients.

Also, if you are having a severe disease which are more difficult to cure in a short spell such as polio or even cancer, which hospital would you like to choose? Of course, most people will definitely opt for the large hospital just like the one in the nearby city of Megaville because the doctors in the larger hospitals are more likely to be more sophisticated than those in the small town
and the advanced machines is bound to be conducive to cure. It is natural that when the patients have acute disease they will head to the larger hospitals, as a consequence, there are odds that the cure rate will be lower than the hospital in small town. Therefore, under the circumstances that more information about the disease is not explicitly provided, the arguer should not rush to arrive at the ultimate conclusion.

Finally, few complains will be not a sin of better quality if we do not reckon with the precondition that the Saluda hospital is not meant to gain profit, on the contrary, the Megaville is a profit-hungry one. There will be no more normal that the patients will be stricter with the services of the profit hospitals, which result from the fact that they have pay for that and deserve to enjoy more meticulous attend. Considering this factor, it will be no surprise that the Saluda hospital is complained less because of the treatment without any fees. So given this alternative, the arguer must rule out this possibility, and then perhaps draw a conclusion.

Overall, to bolster the conclusion that the nonprofit hospitals will be a more economical and better selection than those which are larger and profit, the arguer have to illustrate the essential data about resources in both hospitals and the cured diseases, and then take into consideration the influence of the fees on the different requirements with the services. Only in this way can the arguer convince us of this conclusion.

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shevavaUID: 2574709

Based on the ungrounded assumptions and dubious evidences, the arguer concluded that smaller, non-profit hospitals provide more economical treatment and of better quality than that of larger and for-profit hospitals. To substantiate the conclusion, the author made a comparison of the two hospitals separately located in Saluda and Megaville from several aspects, say, the average length of a patient's stay, the cure rate, and employees per patient. The argument appears to be convincing at the first glance, however, the further reflection reveals that it omits some necessary concerns that should be addressed.

Firstly, the arguer failed to consider other possible alternatives to the longer average patient stay in Meagaville hospital than that in Saluda hospital. Such alternatives may include the fact that as a small and nonprofit hospital, Sadula hospital cannot afford the large expense cost by service and daily treatment, for the patrons from the government and individuals are limited. It is also possible that the patients of the Sadula hospital live nearby, while those of Megaville come from far away, so that a longer stay is a necessity. In addition,

Secondly, the cure rate is conditioned by many factors. Without giving no consideration of the concrete causes and information, the arguer cannot allege that the cure rate among patients in the Megaville hospital is unfavorable. Perhaps the patients in Megaville are worse-illed and need more complicated and careful treatment. Also in reference to the quantity of the patients, much more patients in M hospital may results in the lower cure rate. Besides, the facilities and the level of the doctor are both elements affecting the cure rate.

Last but not least, there may be numerous other factors that enable the patient in the Saluda hospital to be tended by more employees than that of Megaville hospital. Maybe there are more employees here, and fewer patients. Or it is possible that the employees are hired with lower salary or most of them are unemployed workers, who are employed here to do some basic work. Additionally, without any idea of the feedback of the patients from the Megaville hospital about the service there, none of any conclusion could be drawn into.

To sum up, the argument seems logical presented above, since several aspects concerned by the patients about a hospital are contained. However, to make the argument more convincing, the arguer need to provide more information, such as the overall conditions of the patients, the infrastructures and facilities of the two hospitals and so on, to verify the conclusion.

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

帮小肯~

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓

                                                             【1010G精英组】E小组第18次作业

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Argument014

The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small

business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own

vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied

with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine

Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green

Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds

we stock for gardeners this coming spring."

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kingwyf87UID: 2457409

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1 consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables
2 many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets
3 the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row
1 2 3 à 4 we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring

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In this memo, the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center suggests that the company can increase its profits by expanding the variety of vegetable seeds. To strengthen his recommendation, the author points out the evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. And he also sites a survey and gardening magazine to prove his conclusion. This argument suffers some critical flaws that seriously undermine the author’s conclusion and accordingly is not thoroughly well-reasoned. The main flaws of the memo will be discussed respectively.  

To begin with, one problem with the author's reasoning is the assumption that the situation of the suburban town could coincide with the result indicated by the national survey. But the author fails to provide any confirm proof to substantiate this assumption. In all likelihood the residents live in suburban town feel quite satisfied with the vegetables in supermarkets because people may think they are fresh and convenient. Or perhaps the national survey itself is not convincing and may not reflect the average level of the whole generation. Therefore, just depend on a national survey is not an appropriate way to draw any conclusion about the attitudes of the local people towards vegetables in supermarkets.

Moreover, evidence described by author that a certain gardening magazine has sold out at one stand three months successively is also not trustworthy. This gardening magazine may be sold well because one particular method for gardening has been introduced which is very popular during in that three months. It is also possible that the selling of that magazine at other newsstands is completely different since this kind of magazines is not popular in most of the newsstands. Also in reference to the preference of the local people, without knowing the real motivation which spur the residents to buy the magazine, such as they may have a great passion in clipping flowers, decorating the trees in their garden, the author cannot unwarrantedly assume that people buy the magazines just because they interest growing vegetables.

Finally, even if the residents were dissatisfied with the vegetables in supermarket and paid much attention to the gardening magazine for it provided the knowledge of growing vegetables, it does not necessarily mean that people would like to grow their own vegetables because they may encounter many difficult troubles when put it into practice. Even if the local people would like to grow their own vegetables, the author still make a false causal relation between the gradually interests in growing vegetables of residents and a raise in the firm's profits. The owner ignores other possible situations that may happen, for example, the local people may buy the seeds from other bigger companies or from the experienced farmers rather than from which is only a small business company with no related experience. What is more, there may other alternative ways to bring large profits to Green Thumb Gardening Center, such as introducing genetically modified vegetable that are more cheaper and healthy, focusing on application of new technology of gardening.  

To sum up, the conclusion, which is made by the editor who has disregarded or chosen to ignore several aspects of his recommendation, is on the basis of scant of credibility. To better bolster the reliability of the arguer’s conclusion, the author must provide more information about the survey.  The author also should figure out the actual reason behinds the increasing sell of the gardening magazine. What is more, if owner really want to increase the company’s profits, it is also important to do a deeply and elaborate investigation of the buying power of local people, and to find out whether there are other alternative ways to achieve this aim.         

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Revised By Cypher

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修改标识：
“In Bold” 结构句，标出来方便理清思路。
“In Blue” 牛X表达。
“[In Pink]” 我的批注。

In this memo, the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center suggests that the company can increase its profits by expanding the variety of vegetable seeds. To strengthen his recommendation, the author points out the evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. And he also sites[cites] a survey and gardening magazine[引述的应该是杂志销售情况] to prove his conclusion. This argument suffers[~ from]some critical flaws that seriously undermine the author’s conclusion and accordingly is not thoroughly well-reasoned. The main flaws of the memo will be discussed respectively.  

To begin with, one problem with the author's reasoning is the assumption that the situation of the suburban town could coincide with the result indicated by the national survey. But the author fails to provide any confirm[不是形容词] proof to substantiate this assumption. In all likelihood the residents live in suburban town feel quite satisfied with the vegetables in supermarkets because people may think they are fresh and convenient. Or perhaps the national survey itself is not convincing and may not reflect the average level of the whole generation. Therefore, just depend [须为现在分词形式后面才可接is] on a national survey is not an appropriate way to draw any conclusion about the attitudes of the local people towards vegetables in supermarkets.


本段主要有两点内容,第一点说小城人可能喜欢超市蔬菜, 与调查情况不符.
第二点说调查的结果不可信并且不能反映整一代人的情况.
我的建议是:
两点的顺序应该调换一下, 先说调查不可置信, 就算可以相信也不能够随便推广至小城, 这样采用逻辑比较严谨, 而且可以用逻辑把两点穿起来, 文章显得更有条理.
第二点的攻击性不强, 一是” 不能反映整一代人的的情况”其实属于前面的”结果不可信”, 故这两个小分点之间不适合用and连接, 我想你第一个小分点说的是取样数的问题,第二个小分点说的是结果适用范围的问题. 二是在说明调查不可信的时候, 两个小分点都只是指出了错误类型, 没有展开分析. 这就好像说了题目犯了non-causal relationship却不说明怎么没有因果联系一样是说服力不够强而且缺乏主观分析的. 不如对一个谬误类型采取”亮点攻击”来得有效.
段首第一句是提纲挈领之功, 本段第一句是小城的情况不一定和全国性的结果相一致, 但是之后又多加了质疑调查本身的一点. 实际上本段不仅攻击了changing scopes, 还攻击了hasty generalization. 其实是小问题, 只需把首句改成”在由全国性调查得出小镇结论的过程中有几处不可信之处”即可.

Moreover, evidence described by author that a certain gardening magazine has sold out at one stand three months successively[well-turned!转述得都很好] is also not trustworthy. This gardening magazine may be sold well because one particular method for gardening has been introduced which is very popular during in that three months. It is also possible that the selling of that magazine at other newsstands is completely different since this kind of magazines is not popular in[at/on ~] most of the newsstands. Also in reference to the preference of the local people, without knowing the real motivation which spur the residents to buy the magazine, such as they may have a great passion in[~ for] clipping flowers, decorating the trees in their garden, the author cannot unwarrantedly assume that people buy the magazines just because they interest growing vegetables.

结构不完整:讲了两点杂志销量好的原因但是段尾缺一句总结句统领.

Finally, even if the residents were dissatisfied with the vegetables in supermarket and paid much attention to the gardening magazine for it provided the knowledge of growing vegetables, it does not necessarily mean that people would like to grow their own vegetables[此处最好加逗号把逻辑层划分开] because they may encounter many difficult troubles when put[从句无主语, 应该用putting] it into practice. Even if the local people would like to grow their own vegetables, the author still make a false causal relation between the gradually[副词不可修饰名词] interests[表兴趣一般用不可数形式] in growing vegetables of residents[嗯..总觉得把of residents移到interest] and a raise in the firm's profits. The owner ignores other possible situations that may happen,[for example只是插入语, 而前后两句有全套主谓宾, 所以此处应为句号] for example, the local people may buy the seeds from other bigger companies or from the experienced farmers rather than from[这里应该加一个先行词, 且后两个from可以省略] which is only a small business company with no related experience. What is more, there may[be] other alternative ways to bring large profits to Green Thumb Gardening Center, such as introducing genetically modified vegetable that are more cheaper and healthy[cheaper and healthier], focusing on application of new technology of gardening.

有三个层次, 第一个是攻击证据不足, 第二个是攻击没有全面考虑利弊. 第三个是攻击非唯一途径. 且中间采取让步逻辑.

把建议类的谬误全部找出来了, niubility. 但是我觉得没必要写这么全, 都写的话每个点只分配一句话, 要么只能指出错误不能深入阐述, 要么还没有指出错误就开始阐述, 不论怎样都会破坏文章的清晰性与易读性.

To sum up, the conclusion, which is made by the editor who has disregarded or chosen to ignore[修瑞说用overlook比ignore好, ignore是故意忽略. 且没必要复述一次] several aspects of his recommendation, is on the basis of[去掉] scant of credibility. To better bolster the reliability of the arguer’s conclusion, the author must provide more information about the survey. The author also should figure out the actual reason behinds the increasing sell of the gardening magazine. What is more, if [the ~]owner really want to increase the company’s profits, it is also important to do a deeply[deep] and elaborate investigation of the buying power of local people, and to find out whether there are other alternative ways to achieve this aim.         




全文总结:

结构上:很清晰, 点找得很准, 但是应该多注意段内各层的关系.
内容上:很充分, 阐述解释得很详细.
语言上:词的变化很丰富, 语言功底很扎实. 从用词的多变性上就可以看得出.

总体来说, 分析很到位, 内容很翔实, 有一部分语言可能需要替换成更加正式的表述方式. 总之, 文章很令人佩服, 在限时的情况下写出如此逻辑严谨表述饱满的文章很是不易, 我能找到的都是一些边边角角的笔误. 很牛X, 抱拳!

小肯0113UID: 2590901

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gardeningcenter想扩大蔬菜籽的存量获取利润
原因是有证据说现在的人打算自己种菜
证据：1、国家级的调查说人们不满意超市的蔬菜质量
2、当地的great garden杂志近期销量很好

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逐一批驳


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In the memo, the arguertries to increase the profit of Green Thumb Gardening center by
greatly expanding the variety of vegetableseeds they stock for gardeners in the coming spring. Because the arguer thinkspeople will grow their own vegetables. However, the arguer comes up theconclusion based on two questionable evidences.

First,the arguer incites a national survey about whether people satisfy with the vegetablesquality in supermarket as the first evidence. He/she simply equals the unsatisfiedattitude with the behavior of growing their vegetables. This is more a idealidea than a reasonable deduction. It is complicated to grow vegetables. Peoplewho want to do that should have land or lawn, and time to take care of them.People in modern life are always busy with their job or school or other things.They are not likely to spend a lot of time to grow vegetables even they areunsatisfied with supermarket vegetables. Instead, they may ask community councilor other institution for help, for instance, connecting with farmers who growvegetables directly.

Secondly,the arguer regards the good sales of GreatGardens, a local gardening magazine, as a sign of tendency that peoplewould like to grow vegetables themselves. I highly disagree with it. The goodsale of magazine does not necessarily mean people want to grow vegetables. Themagazine gives readers a lot of information such as how to organize lawn orgarden. Using the irrelevant or less relevant magazine as an evidence to make abusiness decision is way too bold.

Tosum up, the arguers fails to illustrate his/her idea of increasing the company profitby expanding the vegetable seed in both perspective of practice and theory. Abusiness decision should be at least based on sufficient market survey and company’slong term profit plan but not some “evidence” that irrelevant.

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Revised By

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CypherUID: 2793818

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In this memo, the author recommends that our company should expand the variety of vegetable seed we stock in order to increase our profits. To support his recommendation, he cites a nationwide study which indicated many consumers’ dissatisfaction with the quality of fresh vegetables sold in supermarkets. He also points out that the gardening magazine GG has sold out at the VN stand last three months in a row. Although it is ostensibly credible, closer scrutiny and consideration would reveal the hidden flaws in the line of reasoning.

To begin with, a primary flaw that weakens the credibility of the recommendation is that the result of the national survey might not apply to local condition. The author fails to provide any evidence concerning the attitudes of local citizens towards fresh vegetables sold in supermarkets. It is entirely possible that they are completely satisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. Without substantiating that the national survey applies to local situation, the recommendation offered by the author is nothing but a meaningless talk.

Yet, granted that the local resident feel dissatisfied with the vegetables sold in supermarkets, the author unfairly assumes that they would be inclined to grow their own vegetables instead. Perhaps these consumers would choose to buy the vegetables available in supermarkets with respect of the efforts and time needed to grow their own vegetables. Or perhaps they would turn to private groceries or some vegetable stands to meet their everyday need for vegetables. Either of these scenarios, if true, would undermine the validity of the commendation given by the author.

Furthermore, the mere fact that a gardening magazine has sold out in one specific newspaper stand in only three months is scant evidence that gardening is prevailing among the citizens here. Perhaps in the past three months the publisher decreased the circulation of the magazine. Or perhaps the specific newspaper stand is run with low costs thus having only a small storage of the very kind of magazine. Without considering and eliminating all these and other possible explanations for the complete sales of the magazine, the author could not concludes that gardening is popular among resident locally, let alone growing their own vegetables.

In sum, the author’s recommendation is untenable as discussed above. To bolster his recommendation, the author needs to provide evidence to substantiate the dissatisfaction of the local consumers as reflected in the national survey. He also needs to prove his assumption that consumers who were dissatisfied would choose to grow their own vegetables instead. To better assess the recommendation, I would also need more detailed information concerning the sales of the magazine.

nanfeng25899UID: 2629871

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1 前提一：一项全国性调查显示消费者对于超市里蔬菜的质量不满意
2 前提二：当种的一种农艺杂志很有市场。
3 结论：大量扩大蔬菜种子的储存种类，就能提高赢利。

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1 引用的国家性调查不能应用于本地区，即使适用于该区域，不满意也不等于要自己种菜
2 杂志的具体内容并没有说明，也没有说具体的销量

3 结论太过武断，新引进种子的品种不一定畅销，而且可能成本还很高
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In the end of this argument, the notion that by greatly expanding the diversity of the vegetable seeds the profit will be bound to increase, at the first glance , seems to be tenable and well-presented, but not completely reasonable just based on the plausible national study conducted last month and the sales condition of the magazine Great Gardens. Then, I will point out those flaws respectively.

Firstly, the study can not convince us that the local consumers are really becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. The conclusion is based on the assumption that what is true in the national scope will be definitely true for a region. There is a possibility that the interviewers in this study mainly consist of the workers and white collars in large cities that always keep fast life pace and have no time to cook themselves. On the contrary, perhaps the local people are very satisfactory of the vegetables in the markets. In addition, even if the consumers in the study have lost confidence on the vegetables, it does not mean that they will plant them by themselves especially for those workers and white collars with tight schedule. They are more likely to change their diets instead of spending much time on the food. Without conducting a specific survey in the local area about whether they are satisfied with the vegetables in the marketing, the arguer should not rush to draw the conclusion.

Again, although, in the argument, the magazines Great Gardens appears to be very fashionable locally, what contents in this magazine is not informed to us clearly. So if it is about how to plant the flowers or how to modify your back gardens of houses, which totally have nothing to do with the vegetables, there is no point offering us this fact. What's more, since these magazines are sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row, the specific number of the Great Gardens sold in this period is not even mentioned. There are odds that because this kind of magazines is out of date and just few people are willing to buy it, the stand just gets few ones in every month thus resulting in the phenomenon that these magazines are very prevalent among readers. As a consequence, before the specific information of the contents and the detailed sales of the Great Gardens are provided, the Green Thumb Center would better think twice ahead of making the ultimate decision.

Finally, even if the nation study's outcomes is suitable to this area and the magazines are really best-sellers locally, the Green Thumb Gardens is not ought to neglect other factors in the sales of seeds. Maybe the new type of the seeds is not the people's taste and the cost of those is surprisingly high. In the end, it is possible that the profit will be decrease dramatically because of the low sales and high costs of the new one. Therefore, without taking the costs and the popularity of the new species into consideration, the decision that expanding the variety of the seeds is too imprudent.

Overall, before the Green Thumb Gardening makes their mind to add up the news kinds of the seeds, they should confirm the numbers of the customers who desire to plant the vegetables themselves and the reasons of this trend, and then also conduct some surveys about which kind of the seeds is attractive for them. Only in this way can we say that the center make a sound decision.


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Revised By

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zmssghhUID: 2779772

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1：首先，全国范围内的调查结果不能反映作者所在特定地区的情况
2：其次，杂志的销售量不能反映人们都对自己种植蔬菜感兴趣
3：即便上述错误都不存在，我们也不能断定贮藏更多种类的种子可以获得更多利润


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In the argument, the author suggests that they should stock more kinds of vegetable seeds in order to gain more profit. In supporting his suggestion, the author cites the result of a survey, which shows that consumers were not satisfied with the vegetables sold in supermarkets. He also tells the truth that one particular magazine called Great Gardens has sold out in the last three months. Although the argument seems to be logical at first glance, it suffers a lot of logical flaws, making the author's suggestion unpersuasive.

At first, the author cites the result of a national survey to show that people were dissatisfied with the vegetables in the supermarket. However, the result of such a nationwide study, though reflecting the majority of the consumer's attitude objectively, cannot truly reveal the fact in the particular town where the author's business serves. It is entirely possible that the quality of vegetables in this suburban town is so high that all the local people are satisfied with them. Thus, without giving more information about the situation in the particular suburban town, it is impossible for the author to draw the conclusion that people there are resentful with the quality of the vegetable, let alone making any compelling suggestions.

In addition, the fact that Great Garden has sold out for three months in a row also cannot substantiate the author's claim that people are getting more interested in growing vegetables by themselves. It is of great possibilities that people are interested in articles not about growing vegetables, but about plant flowers or fruit. Even if the readers do concern about the quality of vegetables, they may, as well, not willing to grow vegetables by themselves. Without all these possibilities remain to be ruled out, it is inadvisable for the author to draw any conclusion based on the sales record.

Finally, even if the flaws mentioned above do not exist and people in that particular town do have great interests in growing their own vegetables, the author fails to give any well-founded reason to prove that stocking more kinds of vegetables seeds can bring in more profits. From common sense we can know that profit is not only a matter of revenue，but a combination of cost and income. It is possible that although stock expanding variety of vegetable seed can bring in more consumers, stocking can cost more in itself. In this case, stocking more kinds of vegetables seed may, on the contrary, decrease the company's profit.

To sum up, the author makes several logical flaws in the argument which makes his suggestion unconvincing. To persuasive us about his suggestion, the author has to give more information about the consumer's attitude in that particular suburban town. What's more, more evidence has to be given to prove that adopt the author's suggestion can bring in more profit for the company.