[1010G精英组] ISSUE&ARGU 习作 by Group Energy

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     Times New Roman字体。

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     Times New Roman。

4、文章首、尾均回车换行。

5、复制word中内容到论坛的帖子里。（首、尾均回车换行也要复制！）

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Argument53

Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress

when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice.

They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in

early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin—a hormone known to affect

some brain functions—would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up

study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had

shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before

birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

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                                 写作样式模板

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  Logical Chain
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     论点提纲
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     习作正文
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Revised By

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拍文顺序

1--->5

2--->4

3--->1

4--->3

5--->7

6--->2

7--->9

8--->6

9--->8

说明：1--->5 表示1号拍5号的习作

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  Logical Chain
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1, study --> unfamiliar stimuli --> signs of mild distress
2, study --> infants had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy
3, study --> infants to have been conceived in early autumn
4, mothers' production of melatonin in early autumn
1,2,3,4--> increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life

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     论点提纲
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1、25个婴儿不能代表全部个体。
2、没有说明increased levels of melatonin与mild distress的因果关系。
3、没有排除其他引起shyness during infancy的原因。

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     习作正文
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In this argument, the arguer cites a study of a group of infants who were exposed to unfamiliar stimuli turn out to show signs of distress and the follow-up indicated that such shyness still exiting when the babies grown-up. The study also finds that most of those infants were conceived in autumn in which season the melatonin increased in mothers’ body. Based on these facts, the author concludes that it is the increased levels of melatonin before birth that causes babies to be shy and such shyness continues into later life. The argument, however, depends on quite a few assumptions which render it as unconvinced as it stands.

The threshold problem with this argument is the study itself. According to the study, the author points out that there are only 25 infants, involved in the research, who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli. It is entirely possible that the chosen babies may all have some kinds of birth defect instead of unfamiliar stimuli, which are responsible for the mild distress. In order to strong the reliability of the study, the research’s sample must be sufficient in size and representative of the whole infants.

Yet another problem is that even it is the unfamiliar stimuli that cause the mild distress of infants, the arguer gives no evidences to imply that a causal relationship between the increased melatonin in mothers’ body and the mild distress of infants. It is also likely that the increased hormones are just a normal of physiological changes of women and have nothing to do with the mild distress. Without other supporting details to establish the cause-and-effect between the mild distress of infants and increased melatonin of women, the arguer cannot confirm his conclusion base on the unpersuasive facts.

Finally, the arguer fails to rule out other factors which result in the shyness of teenagers in the follow-up study. Common sense tells us that as the baby grown up children are more or less appearing to be shy especially when they are facing strangers. But when the strangers become to be familiar ones the children may not show any shyness at all. If the author put this situation considering as the continuing mild distress of infants, the conclusion cannot be reliable. Even the infants are still shy when they grown up, there are also other possibilities, such as their living environment where they may feel lonely that make they continue to have mild distress even worse. The author fails to concern the other factors which may make the children shy, which put his conclusion untrustworthy.

To sum up, the conclusion, which is made by the author who has disregarded or chosen to ignore several aspects of his conclusion, is on the basis of scant credibility. To better bolster the reliability of his conclusion, the author must give more reliable information about the study. I would also need to know whether the mild distress of children somehow connected with melatonin of women. Only more supporting details can the author draw his conclusion.

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Revised By Shevava

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个人观点，望交流…

蓝色为结构句 红色为有疑问的地方 绿色为值得借鉴的地方

In this argument, the arguer cites a study of a group of infants who were exposed to unfamiliar stimuli turn out to show signs of distress and the follow-up indicated that such shyness still exiting when the babies grown-up. The study also finds that most of those infants were conceived in autumn in which season the melatonin increased in mothers’ body. Based on these facts, the author concludes that it is the increased levels of melatonin before birth that causes babies to be shy and such shyness continues into later life. The argument, however, depends on quite a few assumptions which render it as unconvinced as it stands.

The threshold problem with this argument is the study itself. According to the study, the author points out that there are only 25 infants, involved in the research, who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli. It is entirely possible that the chosen babies may all have some kinds of birth defect instead of unfamiliar stimuli, which are responsible for the mild distress. In order to strong
the reliability of the study, the research’s sample must be sufficient in size and representative of the whole infants.

Yet another problem is that even it is the unfamiliar stimuli that cause the mild distress of infants, the arguer gives no evidences to imply that a causal relationship between the increased melatonin in mothers’ body and the mild distress of infants. It is also likely that the increased hormones are just a normal of physiological changes of women and have nothing to do with the mild distress. Without other supporting details to establish the cause-and-effect between the mild distress of infants and increased melatonin of women, the arguer cannot confirm his conclusion base on the unpersuasive facts.

Finally, the arguer fails to rule out other factors which result in the shyness of teenagers in the follow-up study. Common sense tells us that as the baby grown up children are more or less appearing to be shy especially when they are facing strangers. But when the strangers become to be familiar ones the children may not show any shyness at all. If the author put this situation considering as the continuing mild distress of infants（？不太明白，求交流）, the conclusion cannot be reliable. Even the infants are still shy when they grown up, there are also other possibilities, such as their living environment where they may feel lonely that make they continue to have mild distress even worse. The author fails to concern the other factors which may make the children shy, which put his conclusion untrustworthy.

To sum up, the conclusion, which is made by the author who has disregarded or chosen to ignore several aspects of his conclusion, is on the basis of scant credibility.
To better bolster the reliability of his conclusion, the author must give more reliable information about the study. I would also need to know whether the mild distress of children somehow connected with melatonin of women. Only more supporting details can the author draw his conclusion.

结构清晰，清楚地指出argument三方面的逻辑错误，一目了然…；
论证，可以通过直接说理、举例子进行论述，比较有说服力…但是，个人觉得第四段的举例子可以更详细一些；
逻辑，首段描述后直接点题，第一段说了25个样本问题，通过样本小的缺点以及随机性，说明原文逻辑的缺陷，合情合理；第二段说因果关系，这个我觉得是不是说一下怎么才能得到这种关系，比如说加一个对照组啊什么的更有说服力呢？第三段的举例说孩子对陌生人一般都会害羞，对陌生人就不会，我觉得这说明了研究结果是普遍的，然后说明这种研究结果不能说明argu中的结论是不是更好，另外，通过列举他因说明原推论的逻辑不严密性，合情合理。

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Revised By nanfeng25899

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批改标注:
1。红色，表示“错误”
2。洋红，表示“用法欠妥当”
3。蓝色，是我的批注
4。绿色，表示“很精彩的文字”

In this argument, the arguer cites a study of a group of infants who were exposed to unfamiliar stimuli turn out to show signs of distress and the follow-up indicated that such shyness still exiting when the babies grown-up.【我个人认为这句话的语法有点问题，of后的是不能接一句话的，建议改成that; exiting应该是exist,而且我觉得可能用remain更好】The study also finds that most of those infants were conceived in autumn in which season the melatonin increased in mothers’ body. Based on these facts, the author concludes that it is the increased levels of melatonin before birth that causes babies to be shy and such shyness continues into later life. The argument, however, depends on quite a few assumptions which render it as unconvinced as it stands.【句型很好】

【本段小结】
逻辑很清晰。从第一段能看出作者的逻辑：前提---à结论----à谬误的简单指出。
2． 缺点一：在复述原题的时候，建议精炼语言，可以适当的换一些词汇表达
3． 缺点二：语法的正确性有待加强。
4．缺点三：我个人的建议是第一段可以写成：结论---à前提----à谬误的简单指出 的顺序

The threshold problem with this argument is the study itself. 【没有指出具体的谬误点】According to the study, the author points out that there are only 25 infants, involved in the research, who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli. It is entirely possible that the chosen babies may all have some kinds of birth defect instead of unfamiliar stimuli, which are responsible for the mild distress.
【这样写的话，从句的which指代不是很明确，建议把instead放在后面】In order to strong the reliability of the study, the research’s sample must be sufficient in size and representative of the whole infants.

【本段小结】
逻辑链很清晰。TS指出谬误，然后解释谬误，最后纠正谬误。
2． 缺点一：TS没有指出谬误点
3． 缺点二：在解释谬误的时候最好深入一点，比如可以说“即使证明了他们没有defect也不能说这25个孩子代表正题”。

Yet another problem is that even it is the unfamiliar stimuli that cause the mild distress of infants, the arguer gives no evidences to imply that a causal relationship between the increased melatonin in mothers’ body and the mild distress of infants. It is also likely that the increased hormones are just a normal【形容词】 of physiological changes of women and have nothing to do with the mild distress. Without other supporting details to establish the cause-and-effect between the mild distress of infants and increased melatonin of women, the arguer cannot confirm his conclusion base on the unpersuasive facts.【很长，很正确，很强大】

【本段小姐】
论证很严谨。第一句起到了承上启下的作用，很好。
缺点一：希望词汇的使用多样化，比如increased用了很多次，可以用rising, mounting等替代。

Finally, the arguer fails to rule out other factors which result in the shyness of teenagers in the follow-up study. Common sense tells us that as the baby grown up children are more or less appearing to be shy especially when they are facing strangers. 【as后面接的是从句吧，时态应成is growing up; are more or less appearing 最好改成appear to; facing也可以吧，但是改成encountering更好】But when the strangers become to be familiar ones the children may not show any shyness at all. If the author put this situation considering as the continuing mild distress of infants,【有一点难懂和中国化，建议改成If the author doesn’t take this situation into consideration when analyzing the causes of shyness更好】
the conclusion cannot be reliable. Even the infants are still shy when they grown up, there are also other possibilities, such as their living environment where they may feel lonely that make they continue to have mild distress even worse.【语法上不太正确，表达上很中国式。1.还是grown up的问题 2.living environment建议改成surroundings更好3.最后的定从有点牵强，可以改成such as their longly surroundings that result in the enduring mild distress even worse】
The author fails to concern【这个词是使。。。关心的意思，一般主语是事情，可以用exclude】 the other factors which may make the children shy, which put 【用在这里不太好】his conclusion untrustworthy.

【本段小结】
1．解释谬误较之前深入一些。作者本段举了个陌生人的例子，比较形象。
2．缺点一：语言上的硬伤比较堵，而且有的句子感觉有点中国化和晦涩。
3．缺点二：词的选用有待加强。

To sum up, the conclusion, which is made by the author【明显是凑字数用的吧。。。】 who has disregarded or chosen to ignore several aspects of his conclusion, is on the basis of scant credibility. To better bolster the reliability of his conclusion, the author must give more reliable【convincing or cogent】 information about the study. I 【建议把本句改成被动】would also need to know whether the mild distress of children somehow connected with melatonin of women. Only more supporting details can the author draw his conclusion.【only后面接状语】

【本段小结】
逻辑很明显。指出前面的谬误后，呼吁更多的证据。
缺点一：语法错误
缺点二：有的语句略显冗长。

【综合测评】
本文作者的逻辑很清晰，也有一些很不错的表达方式。但是作文上的硬伤很多，这很可怕，比如很多的语法错误。而且词汇的选取上页有待加强。最后，就是希望作者多看一些外国的人文章，尽量减少中国式思维，中国式英语（虽然我也有）。

nanfeng25899UID：2629871

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  Logical Chain
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1.本题共4句，第四句为结论（由clearly看出）
2.逻辑链：第1，2，3句共同推出第4句。第1.2句推导出结论前半句；第3句推出结论后半句。

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     论点提纲
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1.25个人的样本无法代替整体
2.melatonin的对shyness的作用没有明确指出
3.性格的影响因素很多，无法证明证明shyness会在将来持续


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     习作正文
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Argument53

   In this argument, the author opinion that the increasing melatonin result in shyness which last in the later life is well-presented seems to be undoubted. To support his view, the author quotes the result of a research which was conducted 13 years ago to demonstrate the correlation between the shyness and melatonin. Then in order to strengthen the conclusion, there is also a follow-up study to keep track of the quo state of 25 children. However, there are some lethal flaws in this “obvious” logic.

   To begin with, when it comes to the outmoded infants’ research, we can’t arrive at the conclusion using just 25 children cases instead of the whole group. Perhaps those children have the inherent deficiencies in response to the mentioned stimuli, that is , the author fails to illustrate the direct evidence to substitute they are born in normal conditions .Even if the author gives us their proof that they are in good condition , this small sample is impossible to generalize the entire group, as with the fact that we can not say human beings are all male because you are a boy. Therefore, to establish a cogent result , the birth condition should be provided and the sample must be amplified.

   In addition, the function of melatonin is even not explained. The author’s opinion is correct only in the case that this kind of hormone has the substantial influence on the system of forming shyness. If the outcome of this substances is even not related with the system, how could the author say the link between melatonin and shyness? Meanwhile, any personality is the consequence of intricate reactions in our body so that it’s unrealistic to exclude other factors such as our friends, our life. So the author is ought to control other distinguish parameter in this study.
   Finally, no evidence can prove this effect will continue in their rest life. In the era of constantly changing society, there is nothing that stay still, not to speak of people’s characters. These children, these teenagers, are so-called shy, which is likely to be caused by their parents’ over-protection or the other boy bullies. But when entering into society and getting rid of the ivory tower, the brawny guys maybe no longer the shy boys or girls.Without taking the future condition into account, the reason why this shyness will sustain cannot convince me.
  In the nutshell, because of those fallacies, the conclusion is conspicuously reluctant. To make the conclusion more convincing, the author should enlarge the sample and supply the more facts about the basic information of those children, which is the only way to support his idea.


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Revised By Finn

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In this argument, the author opinion (author’s opinion)
that the increasing melatonin result in shyness which last in the later life is well-presented seems to be undoubted
(语法有问题result in …is….两个动词吗？). To support his view, the author quotes the result of a research which was conducted 13 years ago to demonstrate the correlation between the shyness and melatonin (shyness和melatonin的修饰可以说的具体一些). Then in order to strengthen the conclusion, there is also a follow-up study to keep track of the quo state of 25 children (感觉没有说完，是怎么样支持作者的论点的？补充完整). However, there are some lethal flaws in this “obvious” logic.


To begin with, when it comes to the outmoded infants’ research, we can’t (正式问题中尽量避免’s形式 用of代替)
arrive at the conclusion using just 25 children cases instead of (我理解你的意思但instead of 不是代表的意思 representative of) the whole group. Perhaps those children have the inherent deficiencies in response to the mentioned stimuli, that is , the author fails to illustrate the direct evidence to substitute (这个词用在这里想表达什么意思呢？) they are born in normal conditions.
Even if the author gives us their
(怎么变成their了？)
proof that they are in good condition,
this small sample is impossible to generalize the entire group (可以参考一下精彩句型表达类似问题是怎么写的), as with the fact that we can not (正式体中写作cannot 没有中间空格 注意)
say (这个词不正式)
human beings are all male because you are a boy (？？这句话好奇怪啊 你想表达什么意思呢？). Therefore, to establish a cogent result, the birth condition should be provided and the sample must be amplified. (参考精彩句型的写法)

In addition, the function of melatonin is even not (be) explained (clearly). The author’s opinion is correct only in the case that this kind of hormone has the substantial influence on the system of forming shyness. If the outcome of this substances is (主谓一致) even not related with the system, how could the author say (换词汇)
the link between melatonin and shyness? (疑问句还是少用吧)
Meanwhile, any personality is the consequence of intricate reactions in our body so that it’s unrealistic to exclude other factors such as our friends, our life. So the author is ought to control other distinguish parameter in this study. (如你所说中国式思维及语言 感觉这段写的不好 想攻击的点表达不清)

Finally, no evidence can prove this effect will continue in their (指代不清)
rest life. In the era of constantly changing society, there is nothing that stay still, not to speak of people’s (..of..) characters (感觉表达不好 呵呵). These children, these teenagers (删), are so-called shy, which is (主谓一致) likely to be caused by their parents’ over-protection or the other boy bullies (这个词组用法很有问题). But when entering into society and getting rid of the ivory tower, the brawny guys maybe no longer the shy boys or girls. (真的是这么表达的吗？我感觉你写了很多没见过的怪异表达哈哈)
Without taking the future condition into account, the reason why this shyness will sustain cannot convince me (句意不完整).


In the nutshell, because of those fallacies, the conclusion (谁的？)
is conspicuously reluctant. To make the conclusion more convincing, the author should enlarge the sample and supply the more facts about the basic information of those children, which is the only way to support his idea.

CypherUID：2793818

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                                                                         【1010G精英组】E小组第一次作业
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===========
  Argument53
===========

Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

===========
  Logical Chain
===========

按句子分：
①→②→④上半句
②+③→④下半句

===========
     论点提纲
===========

1、Melatonin的功效不一定与distress有关,就算有关也并不一定为由其导致的,有可能只是巧合。(因果谬误-非因果-让步后 同事关系错误)
2、Mild distress和shyness是不同的概念。（错误归纳-定义不清）
3、不能由十几岁时的状况推出他们的shyness会持续下去。（错误归纳-从过去推将来）

===========
     习作正文
===========


This argument concludes that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause lifelong shyness which begins in infancy. The argument cites a study involving 25 infants with higher levels of melatonin received before birth, which lead to their mild distress in infancy and future shyness in their teenage years. However, the argument suffers from several flaws, which render it unconvincing.

To begin with，the argument appears to suffer from two logical problems, either of which makes the argument’s results unreliable. First, the author fails to specify which kind of “brain function” melatonin affects. Otherwise, no connection between increased levels of melatonin and infants’ distress can be proved. Second, even assuming that melatonin do affect brain functions related to infant distress, the conclusion that the former is the cause of the latter cannot be drawn. It is entirely possible that the increased melatonin’s effect on infant distress is too slight to be appreciable or the distress was caused by other factors, such as infant’s instinctive response to unfamiliar stimuli. Without ruling out all other such factors it is unfair to conclude that increased levels of melatonin caused the infants to show distress in response to unfamiliar stimuli.

In addition, the argument relies on the assumption that the distress shown by the 25 infants in their infancy indicates their shyness during that period. Yet this is probably not the case, especially if the infants tend to react positively in response to unfamiliar stimuli and show great interest to unknown external world, then how high the melatonin levels before birth are do not account for their shyness in teenage age. Without a clear definition of infants’ acts recognized as “a signal of mild distress”, it is impossible to assess the strength of the argument.

Even if the increased levels of melatonin before birth do cause shyness during infancy and their teenage time, the study’s claim that this shyness continues into their later life is unjustified. The author’s inference that incentives which cause shyness will remain effective in the future as they were in the past, rests on poor assumption that in the test subjects’ later life all conditions upon which their effectiveness depend have remained unchanged. Perhaps the effects of melatonin were attenuated over time. Or perhaps their ability of communication with unfamiliar people will be fostered in future education. Indeed, the other test subjects who did not identify themselves as shy indicates the possibility of changes reducing shyness in the foreseeable future.

In sum, the argument is weak on several grounds. To strengthen it the argument’s proponent must provide clear evidence that increased levels of melatonin will affect brain functions and lead to shyness in infancy. Moreover, the arguments proponent must provide evidence that the specific factors which have caused shyness will last until their later life.

=======================

        Revised By BridgeRain

=======================

Waiting……

zmssghhUID：2779772

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                                                                                                           【1010G精英组】E小组第一次作业

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Argument53

Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

=======================================================================================================================================
今天实在是没时间了，逻辑链明天补上……不好意思……

=======================================================================================================================================



提纲：


1：作者在M素的含量和与婴儿的SHYNESS之间强加了因果，但没有给出有力的证明
2：即便1中的因果关系是存在的，25个采样数字显然是不充足的，不具代表性
3：两个实验间时间间隔长，未能证明日后的SHYNESS是由小时候的SHYNESS延续而来

正文：In the argument, the author claims that shyness during one's life is result from the increased levels of melatonin before birth. In supporting his conclusion, the author cites a study which shows that children born in autumn, who claims themselves to be shy in a later research, are more likely to distress under unfamiliar stimuli. Although seems to be convincing at the first glance, this argument suffers several logical flaws.

First, the author draws the conclusion that it is the level of the melatonin that results in the shyness during infancy, which he fails to give any evidence to support. It can be the case that some other factors, including other hormones or the climate, may in fact cause the shyness of the infants. Without ruling out these factors, it is impossible for the author to draw any convincing conclusion.

Even if the conclusion above made by the author is acceptable, the number of the infants involved in the study--25--is obviously insufficient. As we all know, the conclusion of the research must depend on sufficient number of accidentally sampling. The fact that only 25 infants were studied makes the research lack of representative. It is entirely possible that the study were conducted in autumn, making the majority of the involved infants born in autumn. In this case, the conclusion based on the research is really questionable.

In addition, even if the first research was well conducted, the conclusion that the shyness during infancy continues into later life is weak in fact, as the result of the second research cited by the author lend little support to it. First, the person, who identified himself to be shy, may not be shy at all, as different person has different definition of shyness. Additionally, thirteen years have passed since the first study was conducted. It is very likely that many other factors, environment and experience for example, that may cause their shyness. Unless taking these alternatives into account, the author cannot draw any reliable conclusion.

In all, the author's conclusion that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and later life is unconvincing. To strengthen his argument, the author has to cite the results of some well conducted studies instead of the weak one in the argument. He also has to give founded evidence to prove that the shyness during infancy, caused by the levels of melatonin, continues into later life.

SandraShanUID：2753079

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                                                                      【1010G精英组】E小组第一次作业
〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓
Argument No.53★作业链接★【1010G精英组】[E小组] Argument53 - by SandraShan
〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓
（第一次写，字数貌似不够，还不到三百字，~~~~(>_<)~~~~ ）

Argument53·Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
=======================  

Logical Chain
=======================  1调查发现25个婴儿受到不熟悉的刺激表现的distress
2研究发现在早秋（母亲分泌一种影响大脑功能的激素）时他们更可能be conceived
3跟踪调查发现超过一半的孩子(now teenagers)觉得自己有害羞
4产前增加的melatomin导致婴儿期的害羞，并且他们将来也会害羞

=======================  
   
论点提纲
=======================  
1.研究只是针对25个人，不能代表全体
2没能说明melatomin与婴儿害羞的必然联系，也可能是其他因素导致的
3即使在婴儿期有影响，那也不一定会影响他将来，其他还有很多外界条件的影响
=======================  
习作正文
=======================  
The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. Only by making a survey of 25 infants, the author concludes that they are more likely to show shy during infancy and the shyness continues into later life , due to the secretion of their mothers’ melatonin
which is a hormone known to affect some brain functions . the argument for this study seems logical.

However, It is mentioned in the argument that the researchers studied a group of 25 infants, then the author draws a series of conclusions. Obviously, the limitation of the survey group is not convincing. Numbers of accidental factors when selecting the survey group are liable to be ignored.

In addition, the author failed to point out the exact relationship between the increasing secretion of their mothers’ melatonin and infants’ shyness. It is probable that the inexperienced mothers failed to take in enough nutrition which are necessary for the infants , or they suffered the irradiation of some ray without conscious.

What’s more, even though we assume that the infants’ shyness are the result of the increased melatonin in mothers’ body, the conclusion cannot be drawn that this shyness continues into their later life. The author failed to consider other possible alternatives to their later life. Such alternatives may include the outside environment they live, the people they get along with or the education they receive. All these elements　may contribute to that
reaction.

Overall, the survey seems logical as presented above. However, before any final conclusions are made about infants’ shyness, eyes should be broaden on the other issues which might be connected with them.

=======================  

Revised By zmssghh
=======================  

蓝色为结构句
红色为有疑问的地方
绿色为值得借鉴的地方


The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. Only by making a survey of 25 infants, the author concludes that they are more likely to show shy during infancy and the shyness continues into later life , due to the secretion of their mothers’ melatonin
，which is a hormone known to affect some brain functions . the argument for this study seems logical. (我觉得第一段列举的错误不全，当时我上韦晓亮的课的时候他说首段要将主要的逻辑错误全部列举出来 ，还有你的大小写有问题，标点也有一些问题，需要注意细节，写完之后现在WORD里修改一下吧……)

However, It is mentioned in the argument that the researchers studied a group of 25 infants, then the author draws a series of conclusions. Obviously, the limitation of the survey group is not convincing这句话逻辑有问题. Numbers of accidental factors when selecting the survey group are liable to be ignored.这句话也有问题 看不懂的

In addition, the author failed to point out the exact relationship between the increasing secretion of their mothers’ melatonin and infants’ shyness.（应该是说没有给出足够的证据来支持他们之间的关系） It is probable that the inexperienced mothers failed to take in enough nutrition which are necessary for the infants , or they suffered the irradiation of some ray without conscious. [l1]

What’s more, even though we assume that the infants’ shyness are the result of the increased melatonin in mothers’ body, the conclusion cannot be drawn that this shyness continues into their later life（让步逻辑，呵呵 值得学习）. The author failed to consider other possible alternatives to their later life这句话有点问题. Such alternatives may include the outside environment they live, the people they get along with or the education they receive. All these elements　may contribute to that
reaction.

Overall, the survey seems logical as presented above. However, before any final conclusions are made about infants’ shyness, eyes should be broaden on the other issues which might be connected with them.（我觉得最后一段可以点出作者应该怎么改正，虽然这是XDF的模板了，可能用得比较烂了，不过凑字数很有好处哈 ）

我觉得总体来说如果是第一次写的话已经挺不错的了，逻辑相对完整，但是对每个错误的分析都不够深入，不够“鲁棒”，而且个别句子写的比较有问题，注意标点左右的格式，因为e-rator的判卷是比较机械的。继续努力吧  呵呵

[l1]我觉得这段写的有点短了，这个强加因果的错误是A中的一个大错误了，写这么少的字数的话很难达到400以上的。我觉得你可以多看几篇例文，从中学习一下如何把这个错误写的更详细一些。毕竟字数还是挺重要的嘛。

shevavaUID：2574709

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                                                                         【1010G精英组】E小组第一次作业
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Logical chain

The infants are more likely to be conceived in early autumn, when their mother’s production of melatonin increases.
The 25 infants studied showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli.
So
Increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness.

The follow-up study showed that more than half of the children have the signs of distress identified themselves as shy.
So
This shyness continues into later life.
==================================================================================================

反驳论点提纲：

分别针对以上两个逻辑错误进行反驳
1、实验的局限性
2、其他条件应同样会影响shyness
==================================================================================================

习作：

Through the two studies of the researchers about the 25 infants, and, a few years later, teenagers, the writer drew the conclusion that the levels of melatonin shape great influence on the shyness of the infants which continues into later life. Obviously, there are several restrictions for the writer to reach the conclusion directly.

First of all, without another control, with the only one group of the infants statistics gleaned, it is hard for the researcher to contract that the increase of melatonin before birth, as the only element, results in the shyness. It is probable that other factors that may be ignored by the researchers cause shyness. If another control group of infants were observed and the melatonin were changed as the merely factor, the result would have been more convincing. In addition, how the melatonin affects the brain function and whether the mother’s production of the melatonin will affect the infants are not referred. At last, as a matter of statistics, 25 is a so small sample that will limit the accuracy of the research.

The other follow-up study of the teenagers conducted a few years later, did demonstrate that signs of distress identified as shyness were found, but the characteristics of a person, including whether he is shy or not, are not only related to the nature when he is born. As we all know, many conditions, as far as the environment where he lives, other genetic factors and the education he receives are concerned, also greatly affect the characteristics of a person. In other words, the shyness of the teenagers studied may originate from the closed environment or the few communication with the outside. Especially, when a person is struck by great changes in his life, for example, the death of one who means a lot to him, the move of living environment, or the family accident and so on, the person will burden great pressure if the changes cannot be resolved appropriately.

Overall, the writer cannot give enough evidences and information for conclusion that the increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. Therefore, if the factors discussed above had been intended and the research is conducted more scientifically, the argument would have been more convincing and logically acceptable.

深川翼UID：2678109

占座。。。终于进来了。哈哈

pennycleverUID：2777479

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                                                                         【1010G精英组】E小组第一次作业
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Logic chain
1.先给出一项关于25个婴儿的跟踪研究调查
2.发现一种母亲怀孕是分泌的激素M，可以使婴儿紧张
3.孩子十几岁时候的调查表明，现在表现出害羞症状
4.得出结论，出生前的M激素导致婴儿时期的害羞，并将害羞延续
=================================================================================================
反驳提纲：
1.没有科学证据说明M激素是导致Shy而不是其他刺激
2.M激素作用对象是母亲还是孩子?
3.害羞有可能是生活环境和经历影响的，没有排除此影响
4.而且25人的小样本实验，证据不充分
=================================================================================================
习作：
The argument is seemly well-presented ,but this is nowhere more ridiculous that draw a conclusion, high level of melatonin lead baby in shy, by a follow-up investigation of a group of 25 infant.
      Argument ignores a necessary premise, the melatonin did really have an effect in baby or children shy? The arguer did not provide any scientific research to explain the function of a hormone or what is it in a role. They are not even given any information about whether the baby will have affection. Although the arguer said melatonin is a hormone known to affect some brain functions, but he didn’t point out the real impact is to mother or baby.
      The argument of conclusion is not convincing, they just have the only research in a group of 25 babies without any information of children’s living environment and their experience for these ten years. So we can’t rule out the affection of environment factors on child personality. What’s more, we got no idea from the arguer that any data show that the baby is shown as shy not sensitive issue, so we can’t judge the performance is not come with physical discomfort. And the survey only tracked 15 infants, the sample is relatively small and not convincing.
      It is presumptuous to judge that high level of melatonin will lead children became shy and continued into later life according to this simple and small sample inquiry.  To increase the persuasiveness author also need to provide convincing scientific research information and using the most same conditions and change one side in experiment, also need to investigate a larger sample at the same time.
=================================================================================================

AGUMENT53批改 by nanfeng25899

批改标注:
1。红色，表示“错误”
2。洋红，表示“用法欠妥当”
3。蓝色，是我的批注
4。绿色，表示“很精彩的文字”
The argument is seemly well-presented ,but this is nowhere more ridiculous that draw a conclusion, high level of melatonin lead baby in shy, by a follow-up investigation of a group of 25 infant. 【语法上有些问题，注意句子的结构问题】

【本段小结】
1．
缺点一：看来作者没有看过一些范文的写法，第一段么有充分的展开。建议使用逻辑链：结论---à前提----à谬误的简单指出
2．
缺点二：语法的正确性有待加强。

      Argument【the argument比较好】
ignores a necessary premise, the melatonin did really have an effect in baby or children shy? 【有些怪异，可以用whether的句型代替】The arguer did not provide any scientific research to explain the function of a hormone 【不可数】or what is it in a role【这么写有点问题】. They are not even given【even don’t present】 any information about whether the baby will have affection

【意思表达上有问题，affection是喜爱的意思】. Although the arguer said melatonin is a hormone known to affect some brain functions【功能的意思不可数】, but he didn’t point out the real impact is to mother or baby. 【有点中国式英语，说实话这句话我也不知怎么改。。。
】

【本段小结】
1.
缺点一：逻辑链很清晰。首先点出谬误，然后解释，但后面可以加上纠正谬误的部分
2．
缺点二：词汇的精准把握不够【词性，意思，单复数】
3．
缺点三：中国式的思维痕迹比较中，句子的意思表达上不够流畅。
4．
缺点四：语法的掌握上欠缺。

      The argument of conclusion【the conclusion即可】
is not convincing, they just have the only research in a group of 25 babies without any information of children’s living environment and their experience for these ten years.【1。没有连词2。 their experience for these ten years改成their experiences in the past ten years】
So we can’t rule out the affection 【喜爱的意思，用该用influence】of environment【environmental】
factors on child personality. What’s more, we got no idea from the arguer that any data show that the baby is shown as shy not sensitive issue【句子有点晦涩，最好不要一个句子里有同一个词shown；as shy not sensitive issue比较怪】, so we can’t judge the performance【最好用shyness】 is not come with【doesn’t result from】 physical discomfort. And the survey only tracked 15 infants, the sample is relatively small and not convincing.【没连词】


【本段小结】
1
缺点一：逻辑链很清晰。首先点出谬误，然后解释，但后面可以加上纠正谬误的部分(同上)
2．
缺点二：词汇的挑选有问题
3．
缺点三：句子没有连接词的问题很严重，意思表达不流畅。。
4．
缺点四：语法的掌握上欠缺。

      It is presumptuous【这个词好像是冒昧放肆的意思，用在这里不太合适】 to judge that high level of melatonin will lead children became shy and continued into later life【语法上的问题，表达不怎么清晰】 according to this simple and small sample inquiry.  To increase the persuasiveness【意思是“口才好，有说服力”，改成strengthen the conclusion】 author also need to provide convincing scientific research information and using 【用use】the most same conditions and change one side in experiment,【中国式英语，不太好】 also need to investigate a larger sample at the same time.【语法有问题】

【本段小结】
1
缺点一：结尾段看得出来首尾相应
2．
缺点二：中国式的语言比较多
3．
缺点三：意思表达不是很流畅。。
4．
缺点四：语法的掌握上欠缺。
5．
缺点五：词汇的选择

【综合测评】
可能由于这是作者第一次写ARGUMENT首先字数上有些少，建议首段展开一些，谬误最好写3点，个个深入一些：指出-解释-纠正；语法上的问题有点突出，希望作者注意；词汇的选择有的不是很合适，还需要注意单复数等问题；中国式的语句有点多希望作者尽量多读一些外国的文章。


这是我第二次评价别人的作文，多有不足请包含~~~~

BridgeRainUID：2761345

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                                                                                                           【1010G精英组】E小组第一次作业

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Argument53

Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin—a hormone known to affect some brain functions—would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children—now teenagers—who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.

=======================================================================================================================================

kingwyf87UID：2457409

〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓

                                                             【1010G精英组】E小组第2次作业

〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓


Issue130

"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately,

we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."


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                                 写作样式模板

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kingwyf87UID：2457409

===========      论点提纲 =========== 1 对孩子的社会化教育是很有必要的 2 除了社会化教育外还有其他的教育因素也很重要 3 如今人们已经有了比较丰富的教育社会化手段，并取得了很好的效果 ===========      习作正文 =========== The author claims that the destiny of society upon how children are socialized, but people do not really understand how to educate children for the progress of society. Admittedly, it is important for children to be socialized as members of society, but it cannot guarantee that our society will become a better one. Moreover, in my observation, people nowadays pay lots of attentions on socialized education. Children have to know well about social skills and using them to work together, which has been crossing different cultures and nations. First of all, it is true that the socialization is one of important part of education for children, which will be helpful to develop a better society. Faced with increased complex task, people are required more sense of cooperation with each other. Even if a person with full of professional knowledge cannot meet the demands of today’s society. He has to learn how to do the group work which can make more great contribution than one individual. The education of such skills must be given to the people when they are children in which time it is easier for them to learn and practice their socialization abilities. For example, children who have been provided the social education often show the characteristic of braveness, leadership, cooperation, and honesty, which are all significant quality for the progress of society. Nevertheless, socialization is just only one of important aspects to which individuals will ultimately contribute to a better society. There are still other factors which are as the same vital as socialization for children education, such as thinking skills, intellectual knowledge, moral principles. Critical thinking provides one the ability of evaluating, integrating, and assimilating what he has learned; intellectual knowledge equips one the ability of innovation which is the significant in intellectual development; moral principles gives one the ability of self-discipline which can make sure the development of society can be controlled by the right moral principles. One cannot image that learning innumerous of knowledge without critical thinking makes one grasp nothing, scientific fruition without innovation makes nothing improvement of technological development, and social progress without sense of justice makes a great threat to all human beings. In addition, the author asserts that we have not yet learned how to raise children who are supposed to bring us a better society. By his assertion, we are not placed enough attention to enhance the children’s socialization skills, but to my observation it is not the case. Children from high school have learned more and more social skills which bring them into further touch with society. School pushes them to join more and more social activities such as volunteer jobs, community activities, and different kinds of lectures. Even in summer or winter vacation, teachers often encourage their students to take internships in companies, where they can learn lots of social skills such as team work and social courtesy. Moreover, with help of modern technology in media, which involves cultures, custom, and ideals of our society form different nations and counties, children can well-learn to be part of the society. To sum up, it is true that if the children are not well-socialized, our society will be not progress in a better way. Nevertheless, there are many factors, besides socialization, that we should pay much attention for children education. Nowadays people are highly valued the socialization, and provide more such skills training courses and practice opportunities, which make the children well-socialization and to bring a society for future generations. ======================= Revised By SandraShan Waiting… =======================

pennycleverUID：2777479

今天翻译课题，有空就写，上午想了很久没什么思路，希望开始的Issue写作之前组里能做Brain Storm

SandraShanUID：2753079

纠结中~

shevavaUID：2574709

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1 对孩子的社会化教育是很有必要的
2 除了社会化教育外还有其他的教育因素也很重要
3 如今人们已经有了比较丰富的教育社会化手段，并取得了很好的效果

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Children are the future of a nation, and whether they are cultivated well determines the future destiny of the people. As Mao Zedong once said, "Children are like the rising sun at 7.am or 8.am; the future of the country belongs to them." However, are the children the only factor determining the destiny f society? I don't agree.


Children are the creatures of the society. Since they are born, they are affected by the customs inherited by the society, so that the habits of the society are the habits of theirs, the beliefs their beliefs. In another sense, children not only have the responsibility of handing down the customs of society, but also make contribution to promote the development of society. If they are not socialized well enough, the destiny of society will be on edge of losing its glamour, for the essence of the culture cannot be inherited and the society will lose her foundation of existence.

However, although children play an important part on determining the destiny of society, many other factors, say, economic, technology, and so on, their strength cannot be ignored. If the economic or technology of the nation lags behind, there is no need to say the destiny of society. The basis of the economic determines the upper structure, without the basis, a nation hardly can have the right of decision on the world.

Nowadays, nations place more and more attention on the development of economic and technology. Meanwhile, the cultivation of children also is emphasized. For example, in China, students in primary school are only taught the general curriculums, such as math, science, and so on, and the grade was the only standards to weigh how the student learned. But now, there are practice curriculums and music, drawing added, which greatly improving the skills of practicing and reasoning, and gradually make the children more adapt to the society.

Yet, a lot of problems are barring the development of children, for example, playing too much video game, instilling in the internet. At their young age, maybe some of them cannot control of themselves and this may do great harm to them if they are not reminded. Therefore, the government should pay special attention to these problems, and if necessary, some laws or policies can be legislated. Besides, some parents spoiled their children, and do not let them do manual work and protect their children at all aspects, which may weaken the ability of addressing things independently after they step into the society.

Simply put, children are not the only factor determining the destiny of society, but without children who are well socialized, there will be no future of the society. The government of the nation shoulder the responsibility of building and developing the society nowadays, and more importantly, they also have the obligation to cultivating the children, depending on whom the future are.



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