[1010G精英组] ISSUE&ARGU 习作 by Group Energy

nanfeng25899UID: 2629871

===========
     论点提纲
===========

1 通过犯错我们可以总结经验，以新的视角去解决问题
2 但是，如果人们盲目的坚持这个信条，只是不断重复错误，而不吸取教训，这样只会造成低效率和高成本
3 再者，并不是说只有犯错误才能取得新发现或者获得进步， 通过前人的成功和经验，我们可以少走弯路，取得成功


===========
     习作正文
===========

Is it only through mistakes that there can be new discovery or the great progress? Of course, when facing the complicated problems, the mistakes will guide us to move to right way if we can summarize the experience in the frustrated and grieve failures. However, there is no denying that always sticking to the credo in a blind way will not only keep you far away from your goal but also a waste of the time and money.

If we cast a look at our history, it is no surprise that the majority of the distinguish figures arrive at their destination in their fields after getting through many times fiascoes. But what they also have in common is, to large extent, that they transform the mistakes in their attempts into a way to test their methods and never make the same error until they make it. Take Alfred Nobel, the Swedish chemist famous for the founder of the Nobel Prize, for a proper example. Although most people may have the idea that he is the sponsor of the Nobel Prize, his devotion to the study of the explosives is rare to be known. In the progress to create the explosives, he suffered from the endless failures which even are the causes of his father’s death. But he not only never shut the door to the explosive field but treats the mistakes as the rungs of the ladder to the success. In this way, he exerts himself to the study and analyzes the wrong ingredients of the explosive in the experiments thus resulting in the immortal accomplishment. This illustration tells us that assimilating the lessons of those mistakes will basically help eliminate some wrong answers and further encourage us to view the same issue in a totally new angle.


Yet, if every time we make mistakes and just let them go without any analysis or the summary of those precious experience, your goals are bound to be further away from you, not to speak of the discovery or the progress. In China, many parents hold this conviction that the mistakes are the best teachers to hone against the children regardless of whether their sons or daughters have a introspection or not. Just because of this, the children repeat the same mistakes consecutively and never make any headway, which is just converse to the expectation of the parents' purposes. Think about that if the same situation goes for the explorers or the scientists, the negative effects will be more than what the children pay for their repetitive errors. Therefore, after every failure, we should ask ourselves those questions: what can I gain from this fiasco? How can I avoid the identical mistakes then? Only in this way can we allege that the mistakes are worthwhile.

Furthermore, the mistakes are by no means the only methods to reach the destination---the discovery or the progress. Although we claim that the mistakes will help us change the way to look at the same issues, no one want to suffer from the mistakes because of the tremendous cost and low efficiency, which are just the reasons why we are obligated to learn the histories. From other's stories and their knowledge passes down from one generation to next one, we could evade the pitfalls in their way to the goals and opt for the fastest path to the termination. If the devour can be bypassed, who will choose to make the mistakes? As a result, before you are ready to the mistakes, you might as well confirm that it is the only way to achieve your target.

Overall, before making the mistakes, you would better have dig into the area where you are studying to be sure that the previous knowledge can not prelude you from the mistakes. And even if the errors finally are unable to be eluded, take a summary before you try it next time.

=======================

Revised By

=======================   

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓

                                                             【1010G精英组】E小组第22次作业

〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓

Issue069

"Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development"

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

                                 写作样式模板

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

===========
     论点提纲
===========

===========
     习作正文
===========

=======================

Revised By

=======================   

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

拍文顺序

1-->11

7-->1

11-->7

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

===========
     习作正文
===========

The issue of that government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development is a complex and controversial one. Different people hold different opinions due to their respective ways of looking at an issue. In my point of view, I agree with the speaker’s assertion that government should not intervene too much in the scientific research. However, the scientific research should be restrained in some extend, efficiently guided, and fully supported by the government. My view will be greatly strengthened by the following discussion.

To begin with, admittedly, scientific research may develop in low efficiency, if the government does much intervene. Just as the US chief justice has often repeated the maxim, “If it is not necessary to decide an issue to resolve a case, then it is necessary not to decide that issue.” Similarly, if it is not necessary to intervene to promote scientific research and development, it should be considered necessary not to intervene. After all, science and politic are completely different two things. The scientists usually care about figuring out the truth of the nature, and improving the technology, while the politicians generally focus on creating harmonious society, and escalating international popularity. For example, the open source software such as Linux has a booming development that people can download, learn, modify, and share with others for no charges, no race, no color, no language, and no national boundaries. Such situation thanks to the non-involvement of government.               

However, sometimes, it is good for government to restrain and guide the scientific research in an appropriate way. For example, the nuclear weapon which plays an important role for the victory of allied armies in the World War II is now forbidden to use and restricted by government regulations. We still clearly remember that tens of thousands of innocent Japanese people instantly died because of the nuclear bombs. And the nuclear radiations have badly affected the local citizens and environment for generations. Governments do their best to prevent the development of nuclear weapon, but it is good for human peace. Otherwise, just as Einstein says that, “I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” Similarly in today’s world, the American scientific declare that they have successfully created the first artificial life in the world recently, which put the issue that artificial life is a blessing or a curse into a hot debate. This scientific research has greatly astonished the world and even let Obama has to order a hearing to assess the ethical risks. Maybe the chief scientific will feel regret for what he had done just like Einstein who helped to create the nuclear bomb because it will turn out to be a catastrophe for the human beings.

At the last, the government should fully support to the scientific research and development. Large quantities of scientific research need much recourse such as educated workforce, natural resource, and cooperation of other countries, which only scientists and corporations cannot afford. What’s more, the most advanced scientific research cannot instantly bring the direct economic benefit that is why many of the most important scientific technology in recent decades grew from the work of governments. In 1965, a US government employee named Bob Taylor had an idea about how computers could communicate. He took the idea to his boss Charles Herzfeld, head of the Pentagon's Advanced Research Projects Agency (ARPA), who invested government funds in exploring it. That investment led to the ARPAnet and, in turn, to the internet, without which so many things would not be possible.

To sum up, in his inaugural address, President Obama said, “The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works.” scientific research should be efficiently guided, and fully supported by the government. There may be instances in which government meddling chokes off scientific research in some special area. Yet governments can and do play a central role in spurring scientific research and making sure the scientific development delivers benefits to the human beings.

=======================

Revised By nanfeng25899

=======================

批改标注:
1。红色，表示“错误”
2。洋红，表示“用法欠妥当”
3。蓝色，是我的批注
4。绿色，表示“很精彩的文字”

The issue of【of后面加的是词不是句子,把of去掉】 that government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development is a complex and controversial one. Different people hold different opinions due to their respective ways of looking at an issue. In my point of view, I agree with the speaker’s assertion that government should not intervene too much in the scientific research. However, the scientific research should be restrained in some extend, efficiently guided, and fully supported by the government. My view will be greatly strengthened by the following discussion.

【观点很清晰，看来你已经开始用自己的模板了~~】

To begin with, admittedly, scientific research may develop in low efficiency, if the government does much intervene. Just as the US chief justice has often repeated the maxim, “If it is not necessary to decide an issue to resolve a case, then it is necessary not to decide that issue.” Similarly, if it is not necessary to intervene to promote scientific research and development, it should be considered necessary not to intervene. After all, science and politic are completely different two【two different】 things. The scientists usually care about figuring out the truth of the nature, and improving the technology, while the politicians generally focus on creating harmonious society, and escalating international popularity. For example, the open source software such as Linux has a booming development that people can download, learn, modify, and share with others for no charges, no race, no color, no language【这些想强调的是没有这些的差别吧，表述上不太对】, and no national boundaries. Such situation thanks to【不是动词】 the non-involvement of government.   

【论点表述很明确，可是之后却没有说政府干预后的low efficiency;语言表达上除了个别的错误外，比较通顺~~】

However, sometimes, it is good for government to restrain and guide the scientific research in an appropriate way. For example, the nuclear weapon which plays an important role for the victory of allied armies in the World War II is now forbidden to use and restricted by government regulations. We still clearly remember that tens of thousands of innocent Japanese people instantly died because of the nuclear bombs. And the nuclear radiations have badly affected the local citizens and environment for generations. Governments do their best to prevent the development of nuclear weapon, but【这里前后两句的关系感觉不是转折，应该是并列，改成and】 it is good for human peace. Otherwise, just as Einstein says that, “I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”【这句话放在这里的目的是什么？】 Similarly in today’s world, the American scientific declare that they have successfully created the first artificial life in the world recently, which put the issue that artificial life is a blessing or a curse into a hot debate. This scientific research has greatly astonished the world and even let Obama has to order【用hold可能比较好】a hearing to assess the ethical risks. Maybe the chief scientific【scientist】will feel regret for what he had done just like Einstein who helped to create the nuclear bomb because it will turn out to be a catastrophe for the human beings.

【本段的例子选取的很恰当，分析的也很好，向你学习~~语言表述上也很不错~~】

At the last, the government should fully support to the scientific research and development. Large quantities of scientific research need much recourse such as educated workforce, natural resource, and cooperation of other countries, which only scientists and corporations cannot afford. What’s more, the most advanced scientific research cannot instantly bring the direct economic benefit that【which一般指代整句话，that不成，最好在which前面加上，】 is why many of the most important scientific technology in recent decades grew from the work of governments. In 1965, a US government employee named Bob Taylor had an idea about how computers could communicate【意思上有点费解】. He took the idea to his boss Charles Herzfeld, head of the Pentagon's Advanced Research Projects Agency (ARPA), who invested government funds in exploring it. That investment led to the ARPAnet and, in turn【用在这里感觉不是很合适，in turn是反过来，轮流的意思】, to the internet, without which so many things would not be possible.【语法有问题】

【本段的论点比较明确，比起之前的段落错误稍微多了一点】

To sum up, in his inaugural address, President Obama said, “The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works.” scientific research should be efficiently guided, and fully supported by the government. There may be instances in which【改成that】 government meddling chokes off scientific research in some special area. Yet governments can and do play a central role in spurring scientific research and making sure the scientific development delivers benefits to the human beings.

【结尾段总结得很不错~~】

综合评价：

1 文章逻辑上很清晰
2 论证和例子方面也比较好
3 语言表达上除了个别的地方，基本上很顺畅，句型词汇也比较多样
4 总的来说，这篇文章我觉得写的真的很好~~~向你学习

有问题再Q我吧~~~

nanfeng25899UID: 2629871

===========
     论点提纲
===========
1科学的发展有利于促进社会的发展和进步，在宽松、自由研究的氛围下更有利于科学的创新与开拓。
2 但是，过少的限制造成整个社会中有限的资源的浪费，不能有效的促进科学发展和社会进步
3 再者，放任科技随意发展可能会危害整个社会和人类的生存

===========
     习作正文
===========
限时间写的，感觉有点少。。。以后再继续练习~~~
Should the government place the limitation on the scientific research and development? Admittedly, few limitations mean that we have more chances to turn our dreams and innovative ideas into reality. However, in some cases, the cost in the direct and intangible way will be considerably large. What's worse, the few restrictions will be a slow-burning fuse of the future hazards.


Undoubtedly, the progress of the science will make a difference to the society, and only in the atmosphere of more freedom and less regulation on the science can more people put their ideas, which seem outlandish or even impossible, into practice. Think about the Wright Brothers. It was they threat realized the dream of flying in the sky. What if the government said "no" to this plan before it was implemented? The more constriction the governor place on the individuals' thought, the less possible we will be to change the world. So do not always control the scientific fields so tightly, otherwise the most constructive ideas may be stifled before they are carried out, which, in turn, make the development of our society slow down.

Yet, when it comes to this controversial issue, we are also ought to take the opportunity cost, the benefits you can receive from other options, into consideration. The gross resources of the society in any times are definitely limited, which leads to the fact that we can not provide enough money or others for every realm. Only if we can make full use of those precious resources in the moderate way could we avoid wasting valuable resources and give a shove to our nation’s development. For instance, the tremendous amount of money are invested into the study of new types of the computers will be outshined by the proposal of putting the same sum into the research of the most urgent problems in the world such as the climate change or the roaring population. As a consequence, the limitations which the government place will guide the distribution of our rare resources in a wiser way.

Furthermore, letting alone the research of the science even will perhaps pose the great threat to our society even the human beings. If we misuse some advanced technologies, its cons will outweigh its pro. Take the nuclear technique for a proper example. Although the nuclear power is one of the most effective means to generate the electricity which have benefited many corners in the world, its negative effects can not be overlooked. The pollution of this convenient technology has resulted in the decrease of the crops harvest and, what's worse, the mutation of some virus which is the "criminal" responsible for the diseases. In addition, the nuclear weapon is the most destructive arms if you cast a look at the history, which have killed countless people. Therefore, keeping a tight lid on some areas will not only contribute to the progress of our society but try our best to reduce the tragedies in the future.

Overall, there is no denying that the few limitations will confer the intelligent and imaginative scientists more room to implement their ideas. However, the necessary constrictions will preclude the happening of the future tragedies and allocate the limited resources in urgent areas. So before reducing the regulations think twice.

=======================

Revised By

=======================   

小肯0113UID: 2590901

===========
     论点提纲
===========

===========
     习作正文
===========

Is it acceptable for government to placerestrictions on scientific research or it just a matter of what degree will thegovernment interfere of academic area? My answer would be no, I believe nogovernment shall place any restriction on scientific research.

First of all, scientific research has itsown rules and life cycles. However, government controlled by different peoplefourth or eighth a term, which means one research can be treated differently whenit comes to two different government. Science would be hurt if it becomes thetool of politics. Scientist, at the same time, should insist on their researchor project, which are based on their professional judgment, and exclude politicforces during research progress.

Secondly, this is an issue of attitude ratherthan practical problems. By placing restriction on research, government actuallytells the scientists, watch out, we may punish you because you made theprofessional decision. It is like a time bomb in academic area, and warning scientistthat the government is watching. Nothing is more terrible than fear. Scientistsmay be afraid of doing the experiment because of the restrictions; their achievementmay be ignored because of the restrictions. What kind of government are welooking for? Government serves their people including scientists. Meaning thatgovernment is not expected to place restrictions on research but provideservices to help scientists to do the research.The statement disrespects thescience research and using government as a clinking power, and will hurtscience itself and finally hurt the government.


Thirdly, we don’t need government to modifythe area; scientists can do it by themselves. Scientists association will takethe responsibility to modify the behavior of scientists and science researchand regulate moral issues. Also, other institution like newspaper, community,all kinds of association will keep an eye on those researches to see if itlegal or they are doing the right thing. We have several examples to provethat, say MPAA or ABA, those industry associations, replace the government,create huge positive influences during development of the industry, some rulesof theirs even being taken as references to the law. So it is unnecessary toask government to place restrictions.


Academic study area can be regard as thelost pure land among the whole society, please leave it out of the power of Politianand other utilitarian. Respect science itself, science will pay us back.
=======================

Revised By Finn

=======================
语法问题

批注

精彩表达

Is it acceptable for government to placerestrictions on scientific research or it just a matter of what degree will thegovernment interfere of academic area? My answer would be no, I believenongovernment shall place any restriction on scientific research.
(你的问题包括两部分啊一个是要不要干预一个是程度问题 回答怎么没有程度问题两者是并列关系你否定的话两个都应该否定啊)


First of all, scientific research has itsown rulesand life cycles. However, governmentcontrolled by different people fourth or eighth a term, which meansone research can be treated differently when it comes to two differentgovernment. ( controlled是作谓语吗？我觉得做非谓语更好但这样句子成分需要补充完整) Science wouldbe hurt (这种修饰可不可以啊) if it becomes thetool of politics. Scientist, at the same time, should insist on their researchor project, which are based on their professional judgment, and exclude politicforces during research progress.(最后两句对说明主题有什么帮助呢？)


Secondly, this is an issue of attituderather than practical problems.
(这个怎么翻译 想表达什么呢？) By placingrestriction on research, government actually tells the scientists, watch out,we may punish you because you made the professional decision (后半句改成强调句是不是会好一些？). It is like a time bomb inacademic area, and warning scientist that the government is watching (换一个supervise的句型？). Nothing is moreterrible than fear. Scientists may be afraid of doing the experiment because ofthe restrictions; their achievement may be ignored because of the restrictions.What kind of government are we looking for(寻找？是需要吧？)?Government serves their people including scientists. Meaning that government isnot expected to place restrictions on research but provide services to helpscientists to do the research. The statement disrespects the science researchand using government as a clinking power, and will hurt science itself andfinally hurt the government. (hurt可以换一种表达)


Thirdly, we don’t need government to modify the area (可以这样表达吗？); scientists can do itby themselves. Scientists association will take the responsibility to modifythe behavior of scientists and science research and regulate moral issues.Also, other institution like newspaper, community, all kinds of associationwill keep an eye on those researches to see if it legal or they are doing theright thing. We have several examples to prove that, say MPAA or ABA, thoseindustry associations, replace the government, create huge positive influencesduring development of the industry, some rules of theirs even being (用现在分词是不是不太好呢？) taken as references to thelaw. So it is unnecessary to ask government to place restrictions.


Academic study area can be regard as thelost pure land among the whole society, please leave it out of the power ofPolitian and other utilitarian. Respect science itself, science will pay usback.

小结：1、文章比较流畅
但需要加强句法结构
长短结合
2、注意表达的准确性和多样性
3、段落间就连接词来说是并列关系
但逻辑上好像有递进的程度
分论点感觉不是很有说服力

shevavaUID: 2574709

占.................

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓

                                                             【1010G精英组】E小组第23次作业

〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓

Issue131

"The arts (painting, music, literature, etc.) reveal the otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society."

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

                                 写作样式模板

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

===========
     论点提纲
===========

===========
     习作正文
===========

=======================

Revised By

=======================   

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

拍文顺序

1-->3

3-->7

7-->1

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

===========
     习作正文
===========

Arts, such as painting, music, literature, etc, can be viewed as a high level of spiritual entertainment. Painting often presents us wonderful scenes in vision; Music usually brings us delightful feelings in hearing; literature typically gives us fantastic inspiration in mind. However, beside such experiences, can arts provide us more meaningful contribution to the human society?  To my point of view, some forms of arts can be reveal some aspects of society, while some are harmful to people. Only though the right people in an appropriate way can arts be presented the right ideas and impulses of a society.

To some extent, the arts can be viewed as a powerful tool for people to express their thoughts. “The great artist knows how to impose their particular illusion on the rest of mankind,” proclaimed Guy de Mauspassant. As art works can be easily preserved, there are no wandering that wise people usually achieve their success in the form of arts to influence people generation by generation. The concept of the invisible hand is generalized beyond Adam Smith, who is well-known by one of his art works, The Wealth of Nations. The book reveals the hidden rules for national wealth, which still have important meaning of guidance for us to overcome the financial crisis today. John Locke, one of the most famous political philosophers, especially in North America. His theory of the ideal society, developed in his book Two Treatises on Government, which has had a great influence on political systems. All viewpoints in his work describe virtual systems, which didn’t exist at his time, have contribution to enhance society civilization for generations.

However, some arts are nothing significant but to be used as an amusement way for people to release their feelings. Rock music is one of the favorite music forms obsessed by people nowadays, especially the young. As a way for relaxing, the rock music brings the fun and freedom to people, and one would not expect that such music can be more useful to the society. Even worse, bad arts such as violence TV shows maybe more harmful to people. From the business prospective violence sells, and more viewers means higher ratings. Therefore, the increasing TV shows involving violence are filled in daily life. People increase fear of becoming a victim of violence, with an increase in self-protective behavior and an increase in mistrust. To vulnerable children, the more they relate to the aggressive behavior in the program, the more likely they will be to emulate the characters’ actions, which may lead to the tragic result regretting for the rest of their life.  

Admittedly, arts create awareness of social issues. Arts may express and reflect the religious, political, and economical aspects of human society. Arts, however, are just like tools for people to accomplish their objectives. Therefore, the tools can be useful for all human beings with a better life, and also can be harmful to the society with less safety, depending on who using them and what their purposes. Specifically, to the people who are care about the human life, they will try their best to well-used the arts as powerful tools to reveal the hidden law of both nature world and human society, which is significant for human civilization. To the people who are only concern their own benefits, they will use the arts as tools to meet their own purposes without taking others into consideration. Art works produced by such people usually meaningfulness even harmful to the society.   

In conclusion, arts are deliberate recreation of a new and special reality that grows from one’s response to life. Arts can be meaningful for people used in the right way by enhancing, changing and perpetuating our society. Otherwise, they are nothing else and even dangerous to people, and social solidarity could be damage.

=======================

Revised By nanfeng25899

=======================  

批改标注:
1。红色，表示“错误”
2。洋红，表示“用法欠妥当”
3。蓝色，是我的批注
4。绿色，表示“很精彩的文字”

Arts, such as painting, music, literature, etc, can be viewed as a high level of spiritual entertainment. Painting often presents us wonderful scenes in vision; Music usually brings us delightful feelings in hearing; literature typically gives us fantastic inspiration in mind.【写的很不错，这句哈】 However, beside such experiences, can arts provide us more meaningful contribution to the human society?  To my point of view, some forms of arts【这样写的话主语就是forms了】 can be【去掉】 reveal some aspects of society, while some【指代的是什么？】 are harmful to people. Only though【应该是 through吧】 the right people in an appropriate way can arts be presented the right ideas and impulses of a society.【没明白这句话的意思】

To some extent, the arts can be viewed as a powerful tool for people to express their thoughts. “The great artist knows how to impose their particular illusion on the rest of mankind,” proclaimed Guy de Mauspassant. As art works can be easily preserved, there are no wandering【wondering】
that wise people usually achieve their success in the form of arts to influence people generation by generation.【没太明白这句话】 The concept of the invisible hand is generalized beyond Adam Smith, who is well-known by one of his art works, The Wealth of Nations. The book reveals the hidden rules for national wealth, which still have important meaning of guidance for us to overcome the financial crisis today. John Locke, one of the most famous political philosophers, especially in North America. His theory of the ideal society, developed【什么叫被发展？】 in his book Two Treatises on Government, which has had a great influence on political systems. 【前面的这个九子没有谓语动词】All viewpoints in his work describe virtual systems, which didn’t exist at his time, have contribution to enhance society civilization for generations.【这一句话有两个动词。。。】

【感觉这段的例子不太合适，本段的两个例子算是艺术么？尤其是国富论】

However, some arts are nothing significant but【不知道是否有这种用法?】 to be used as an amusement way for people to release their feelings. Rock music is one of the favorite music forms obsessed by【应该是obsessing】 people nowadays, especially the young. As a way for relaxing, the rock music brings the fun and freedom【给人们带来自由？】 to people, and one would not expect that such music can be more useful to the society. Even worse, bad arts【有这样表达的么？】 such as violence TV shows maybe【分开】 more harmful to people. From the business prospective violence sells, and more viewers means higher ratings. 【这句话不仅语法有问题，而且感觉表达的意思好像也有问题】Therefore, the increasing TV shows involving violence are filled in daily life. People increase fear of becoming a victim of violence【表达的意思不准】, with an increase in self-protective behavior and an increase【删掉】 in mistrust. To vulnerable children, the more they relate to the aggressive behavior in the program, the more likely they will be to emulate the characters’ actions, which may lead to the tragic result regretting 【。。。这个主语也能够改是孩子吧，这样用的话主语是action】for the rest of their life.  

Admittedly, arts create awareness【创造意识？】 of social issues. Arts may express and reflect the religious, political, and economical aspects of human society. Arts, however, are just like tools for people to accomplish their objectives. Therefore, 【没有因果关系吧】the tools can be useful for all human beings with a better life, and also can be harmful to the society with less safety【和前面的with a better life这么用是什么意思？】, depending on who using them and what their purposes.【depend的主语是谁？另外后面应该是who use them and what their purposes are】 Specifically, to the people who are care【去掉are】 about the human life, they will try their best to well-used 【这么表达就不是动词了。。。】the arts as powerful tools to reveal the hidden law of both nature world and human society, which is significant for human civilization. To the people who are only concern【concerned about】 their own benefits, they will use the arts as tools to meet their own purposes without taking others into consideration. Art works produced by such people usually meaningfulness even harmful to the society. 【没有谓语啊】

In conclusion, arts are deliberate【这个词用在这里不合适】 recreation of a new and special reality that grows from one’s response to life. 【什么意思？】

Arts can be meaningful for people 【加上if】used in the right way by enhancing, changing and perpetuating our society.【是to enhance, change and perpetuate吧】 Otherwise, they are nothing else and even dangerous to people, and social solidarity could be damage.【没明白最后一句话】


综合评价：
1 逻辑方面，开头感觉还可以，可是到正文时就有点混乱了，尤其是连词的使用，本来没有那个逻辑关系，却用了那种关系的连词；另外，正文的每段的第一句话的连词用的混乱
2 语言方面，准确表达句意的能力能还需要提高，很多句子没法读明白
3 语法方面，错误还是很多，希望改进，注意一下句子的结构

nanfeng25899UID: 2629871

===========
     论点提纲
===========
1 艺术确实可以揭示一个社会的理念
2 艺术通过引起人们对自我和社会的反思而成为社会进步的动力
3 但是，并不能说所有的艺术都能揭示社会理念，有时候完全个人感情的抒发

===========
     习作正文
===========
Do the diverse forms of arts, ranging from paintings, music and literature to architecture, drama and sculpture, reveal the otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society? Although not all the arts are the reflection of our social conceptions and the motivation of the progress of the society, the thoughts and emotions behind many great works are worth studying in order to further understand our society.

If you cast a look at our rich history, you may find out surprisingly that in many times the change of arts is a sign of the transform of a society's value so that we can regard, in the most cases, the arts as the mirror of the hidden ideas. Consider the roaring twenties, which is one of the most turbulent periods in the United States' history. At that time, the Jazz music blossomed as a mark of the beginning of a new music area, the influence of the art deco was at its peak which spread widely during that spell, and the dance room became crowded because of the new moves in a bold and open way. All of this demonstrates in that time this lost generation prefer to indulge themselves in the more entertaining life compared with their ancestors' boring lifestyle. Therefore, from digging into the arts in different times, we can promote the understanding of a society and the hidden ideas.

As the time goes by, the arts have developed into the motivation to introspect themselves and the way to capture the public's attention to the problems of the society thus pushing our society forward a better future. To start with, take one of the most famous Shakespeare' plays Macbeth for an example. Through the tragedy of the King Macbeth this play taught us that excessive ambition will, to large extent, lead to the pathetic and miserable results. Every time we appreciate these kinds of plays or dramas, we could not help putting ourselves in the character and questioning ourselves: Do I like him so selfish and greedy? After thinking over those introspections, our mind will be purified. Besides, as the artists isolated from the control of the governments, the arts has evolved the sharp weapons to express their discontents about the unfair phenomenon in the society. The most controversial novel The Catcher In The Rye is just a case in point. The protagonist in this story was a student of elite school named Holden, who had many severe problems in his behaviors such as sex, drugs and outlandish clothes. Since the novel was published, it raised the fierce debate about those manners and the concern about the future of those students. As a consequence, the arts are not only just to provide our pleasure but also to act as warning of the serious problems around us and urge us to disabuse them.

However, some of the arts have no relation with the value of our society. Instead of this, they just regard the arts as the means to express their own emotions and opinions towards life. Like the post-modernism architectures which combine the insights to the arts and functions perfectly, we are unable to find any cues about the hidden ideas behind this form of arts. What's more, look at the surrealism. The contents in those surrealistic works are beyond our life. So how can those kinds of arts, I really wonder, reflect the ideas of a society? In their works, their sentiment reigns supreme and the art are barely the medium to show the world their unique passion and insights of their life.

Overall, attaching our importance to the hidden ideas will definitely enhance the comprehension of value and impulses of the society, but when adopting this effective method to delve into the world or the history, bear in mind that not all the arts are the mirror of society.
  

=======================

Revised By

=======================   

shevavaUID: 2574709

The arts, since its derive from the ancient times, has been bringing us many works and a great amount of priceless fortunes. However, contradictions exist to some extent in the way that some people think that the arts are futile to the progress and development for the society, but a formulation of luxury. As a result of the condition, some of the artists are looked down and struggling to living in certain periods. Without any consideration of the deep meaning and social function revealed in the arts, their opinions cannot be proposed.

The arts are always figuring out the contemporary problems of the society, so that the attention of the populace can be attracted. The arts, as a special part of the society, can function in a particular way that others cannot do, and often, the affects are unbelievable. The famous Japanese filmmaker and director, Hayao Miyazaki, is a case in the point that many of his films reflect the problems that should be focused and need solving nowadays. For instance, environmentalism, anti-war, feminism etc, are recurring as the themes of his works, such as spirited away, Princess Mononoke and so on. Through these popular films, more people around the world, the young and the elder, the boy and girl, the good and the evil, will know of the conditions of our common home, the earth. What is pleasing is that many artists are engaged in the working on revealing the hidden ideas to more and more compatriots.

Also, in societies undergoing tremendous change, artists began to use art to agitate for social change, in order that promote the reform and development of the humanity. With a scrutiny of the revolution in history, it is not unusual to find that artists, such as painter, writer, and so on, leave their impressions in the process. Photographer Sherry Levine, for example, has used grotesque images of women to protest the oppression of the female gender by American advertising, law, and social custom. In the early 20th century America, Theodore Dreiser, used the novel to point out the devasting loss of place experienced by workers who fled the rural for the opportunities of the city. These artists cannot express their ideas freely in that they are under the control of the contemporary society, but their works, paintings, novels, can wake up the populace in some sense by the connotations.

In addition to the significant influence on the society, the arts can also provide people with pleasure, present us what is eternal and universal, and instruct us, although they can hardly directly relate to the impulses of a society. A renaissance painting of Madonna and child, for many viewers, is somehow a revelation of transcendent spirituality; a Beethoven symphony is the last word on human endurance. What's more, the arts can to some extent convey the sense of community by the tradition of their own culture presented in the arts. Not even to say that the beauty brought by the arts, and regularly, beauty, many would insist, is the very hallmark of what is truly "art". In some sense, the benefits discussed above will also profit the social development in overall view.

The arts, being gigantic fortune of the humanity, play an important role in the progress of the development of a society. The artists, after all being one member of the humanity, often with special and profound conception, cannot leave the society alone but contribute to the promotion by revealing hidden ideas and impulses, through their works.

zmssghhUID: 2779772

占

小肯0113UID: 2590901

占~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓                                                              【1010G精英组】E小组第24次作业 〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓 Issue088 "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics." ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●                                  写作样式模板 ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● ===========      论点提纲 =========== ===========      习作正文 =========== ======================= Revised By =======================    ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○● 拍文顺序 1-->7 3-->1 7-->3 ●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

kingwyf87UID: 2457409

===========
     习作正文
===========

The issue of weather technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics is a complex and controversial one. Different people hold different opinions due to their respective ways of looking at this issue. In my point of view, however, I agree that technologies profoundly influence our daily life. Rather, I hold the opinion that some excellent human features are unchanged. My will be greatly strengthened by the following discussion.

To begin with, the technologies do change our life in the society since its development makes us know better about the world we live in. Throughout history, mankind has always been keen on exploring and learning more natural phenomena. Some can interpret well by the technologies at that time, while some may not. For example, in ancient China, there is a story named “Heavenly Dog Swallowing the Moon”, which is used to describe and further explain the natural phenomena of eclipse. The ancient Chinese don not know the true reason of the eclipse and believe that it is the heavenly dog that swallow the moon and bring them into the deep dark. That’s why ancient China kept a custom—light off firecrackers, and strikes a gong or bell—to scare the “heavenly dog” off. Whereas, the custom dies as more and more people learn the truth of the eclipse through the modern science and technologies.

However, some social customs are still preserved from generation to generation, whatever countries or nations. For example, the Spring Festival, which is used to be viewed as a convention for the ancient Chinese to eradicating the assumed monster “Xi”, is passing down from the ancient times to now. Although, with the development of the technologies we know that there is no monster at all, we Chinese still keep the custom as the most important traditional holiday in which we get together with families, eat dumplings, shoot off firecrackers, draw festival pictures, and stick couplets. Similarly, the Thanksgiving Day, which is used to thank the Indians for their providing necessaries of life and teaching the knowledge of farming to people when they came to the America at the very beginning, is now becoming a popular convention in the US. Although we may change the initial aims of the traditions or customs because the developing technologies, we still keep them as a way for people to express their feeling such as gratitude, happy and best wishes.

In addition, although some ethics worshiped by the human may be challenged by the latest science and technology, we still retain the excellent human features unchanged. For example, the American scientific declare that they have successfully created the first artificial life in the world recently, which put the issue that artificial life is a blessing or a curse into a hot debate. This scientific research has greatly astonished the world and even let Obama has to order a hearing to assess the ethical risks. Indeed, some human ethics are suffering challenges, but some basic principles are not changed. We are not allowed mankind to create human beings. The government take the necessary measures and prepared to severely restrict or forbid the fringe research such as the create embryos. What’s more, we always advocate inheriting some human features regardless of the technologies, such as honesty, hardworking, fairness, self-discipline, personal responsibility, and love of a country, and belief in the principles of liberty, equality, and the freedom to practice one’s faith.

To sum up, basing my conclusion on the illustrations and exposition mentioned above, accordingly, I hold that the developing technology does play an important role in our life, and it may change some of our customs and our ethics may suffer challenges. However, technologies cannot determine our social customs and ethics. We still keep our featured traditional conventions with fresh connotation and characteristics. And some beliefs and principles are still unchanged, which have little connection with the technologies.

=======================

Revised By Stefana

=======================   

个人改作文习惯：

橙色：论述建议 红色：表述建议 绿色：语法错误，自己改 蓝色：写得好 紫色：有争议

The issue of weather technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics is a complex and controversial one. （个人建议把形容词放前面，不然觉得开头句读起来头重脚轻。）Different people hold different opinions due to their respective ways of looking at this issue.（不知道你是为了凑字数还是干吗，我觉得这句话太累赘了。要不就只要Different people hold different opinions 要不就是 different people have their respective ways of looking at this issue就行了嘛，何必一个different的意思在一个句子里说上三次。） In my point of view, however,（however一般强调的是however之后的内容，如果你的中心思想在rather之后，建议你用although） I agree that technologies profoundly influence our daily life. （你agree哪里提到的daily life?）Rather, I hold the opinion that some excellent human features are unchanged. （缺连接词）My will be greatly strengthened by the following discussion.
开头非常非常非常的模式化，不但半点吸引力都没有，而且你的agree来的有点不切题。再者，单从你的句子上看，你的中心思想是some excellent human features are unchanged，那科技到底是不是影响和决定了 social customs and ethics，你还是没说。如果我是Rater，我看完首段我就会先判定你走题。

To begin with, the technologies do change our life in the society since（since表因为一般强调的是已知的原因，我认为这里应该是表推断的原因吧，建议用for，改for的话后半句时态记得改） its development makes us know better about the world we live in. Throughout history, mankind has always been keen on exploring and learning more（表示持续的状态建议换more and more） natural phenomena. Some can interpret（被解释，用被动态）（interpret作为“解释”一般为解释一句话的时候用，解释现象是explain phenomenon） well by the technologies at that time, while some may not. For example, in ancient China, there is a story named “Heavenly Dog Swallowing the Moon”（heavenly一般是“如天堂的，天国似的”吧，我觉得这里是celestial dog吧，不确定，如此的Chinese-English俚语我也不知道...）, which is used to describe and further explain the natural phenomena of eclipse. The ancient Chinese don not know the true reason of the eclipse and（and之前的东西太多建议这里加个主语） believe that it is the heavenly dog that swallow the moon and bring them into the deep dark. That’s why ancient China kept a custom—light off firecrackers, and strikes a gong or bell（过去式）—to scare the “heavenly dog” off. Whereas, the custom dies（过去式） as more and more people learn the truth of the eclipse through the modern science and technologies.
这一段你的TS说跳跃太大了。你说的是科技让人们更加了解自己生活的这个世界，所以改变了人们的生活。你这逻辑跳跃太大了，TS很让人费解。而且你的例子我也觉得举得我觉得不太恰当。天狗食月这个现象的解释其实没有直接影响和改变people's life，你费尽心机的把天狗食月和习俗改变联系起来，却忽视了科技改变人类这个主题啊。建议重新考虑你首段肯定的那个莫名其妙的agree里说的，科技改变生活，这个topic，不加daily life还是可以的，需要找一个直接的切入点。

However, some social customs are still preserved from generation to generation, whatever countries or nations. For example, the Spring Festival, which is used to be viewed as a convention for the ancient Chinese to eradicating the assumed monster “Xi”, is passing down（建议完成时） from the ancient times to now. Although, with the development of the technologies we know that there is no monster at all, we Chinese still keep the custom as the most important traditional holiday in which we get together with families, eat dumplings, shoot off（我印象中放烟火是let off，我没查，这个你查过么） firecrackers, draw festival pictures, and stick couplets. Similarly, the Thanksgiving Day, which is used to thank the Indians for their providing necessaries of life and teaching the knowledge of farming to people when they came to the America at the very beginning, is now becoming a popular convention in the US. Although we may change the initial aims of the traditions or customs because （缺介词）the developing technologies, we still keep them as a way for people to express their feeling such as gratitude, happy and best wishes.
你这一段说的是，有的传统保留到了现在。然后一直在说没变的传统，说了两个。才提到，尽管科技改变了我们最初的目的，但没改变传统。TS里应该说明清楚。BTW，Thanksgiving跟科技有什么关系么？找例子的时候要切题，切题！

In addition, although some ethics worshiped by the human may be challenged by the latest science and technology, we still retain the excellent human features unchanged. （要不we still retain the excellent human features ,要不some excellent human features are unchanged，句意重复）For example, the American scientific declare that they have successfully created the first artificial life in the world recently, which put the issue that artificial life is a blessing or a curse into a hot debate. This scientific research has greatly astonished the world and even let Obama has to order a hearing（hold a hearing吧....） to assess the ethical risks. Indeed, some human ethics are suffering challenges, but some basic principles are not changed. We are not allowed mankind to create human beings. （你之前还在put into a debate，你这个结论又怎么来的呢？你逻辑跳跃太大了） The government take the necessary measures and prepared to severely restrict or forbid the fringe research such as the create embryos. What’s more, we always advocate inheriting some human features regardless of the technologies, such as honesty, hardworking, fairness, self-discipline, personal responsibility, and love of a country, and belief in the principles of liberty, equality, and the freedom to practice one’s faith.
What's more后面的这个点没有半点道理，谁说科技发展了就不honesty，不hardworking了？还有，你这个点跟之前的人造生命似乎关系也不大，你逻辑跳跃太大了。这一段的评语是：段意不明，逻辑混乱。整个文章这一段应该是你反对的重点，但是你一点都没有说清楚。而且这个题目的关键词没没有抓到，这个题目的关键词除掉customs and ethics，还有influence和determine，你可能提到了一点点influence，还是非常牵强的提到的，但完全忽视了determine，我不知道你这样会不会被Rater判走题，建议你连提纲一起重新把Issue88来写过，这是科技类很经典很高频的题。

To sum up, basing my conclusion on the illustrations and exposition mentioned above, accordingly, I hold that the developing technology does play an important role in our life, and it may change some of our customs and our ethics may suffer challenges. However, technologies cannot determine our social customs and ethics. We still keep our featured traditional conventions with fresh connotation and characteristics. And some beliefs and principles are still unchanged, which have little connection with the technologies.
保持习惯，末端不改。

nanfeng25899UID: 2629871

===========
     论点提纲
===========
1 技术确实在很大程度上影响了传统和道德规范
2 但是，很多的传统和规范并未因此消失，因此技术并不能称之为决定的因素
3 传统和规范是多因素影响的结果，并不能说有那个因素决定了他们，一个社会的文化也是影响的因素之一

===========
     习作正文
===========

Do the technologies have a great influence on the social customs and ethics but also shape them? Admittedly, in the process of the form of our society's conventions and ethics, the technologies are one of the indispensible factors. Yet, we should not exaggerate the effect of technology for our traditions are also exposed to the affection of other ingredients.

To large extent, the rapid development of technologies changes our conventional routines as well as our ethics in some ways. Look at your Facebook, your friends are updating their blogs or uploading their photos which were just taken one minute ago. Now those SNS have been the most universal way to keep touch with their friends even their beloved. Decades ago, when we were communicating with our friends or relatives by letter or telegraph, who would imagine that one day we just need to click some button on the screen and then our feeling will be passed on to the people in another corner of the world? It is the technologies that realize the dream. Also, the fabulous magic, the technologies, makes the dreams of hundreds of thousands of couples who are unable to have babies come true. In 1987, Louise Brown, the first test-tube baby was born in Great Britain, which give the tremendous hope to millions of couples. But think that hundreds ago, this deed will definitely be label as the immorality. Those illustrations demonstrate us that no one can deny the vital role on the form of our social customs and ethics.

However, why, among the pubic, are there so many voices opposing the decisive status of technologies when it comes to the conventions and ethics? The following example may answer your questions. Although in many realms the number of women has creeping up along with the headway of our technologies. the men obviously outnumber in some certain areas such as the engineering. It is because that he stereotype that women are less interested in the machines cannot be simply erased by the progress of the society. Again, consider the Chinese traditional holiday mid- autumn festival. Even though as the first man spacecraft landed on the moon thus showing that there is not any creature like human beings alive in this plain planet, the stories of Chang'e are also passed on from one generation to another. Therefore, there are many things, in the world, that cannot be altered by technologies which rightly explains the showing-up of the opposite voices.

So, to be honest, technologies are not so much as the determinate ingredient as the infective element. Our social customs and ethics are the results of the complicated influence of many factors such as the culture of a nation. Why does the story of Chang'e still spread after being proved to be unrealistic? Why after so many years the sexism is still exist and is more likely to last many decades? The influence of culture is able to provide the cues to solve those questions. If you cast a look at the distinctive attitudes for the praises among American and Chinese, you may realize the gigantic effects of the culture. After achieving great accomplishments, the Americans will not mask their sense of honor and ecstasy, while the Chinese, in most cases, will still be modest and even claim that this success should be attributed to the joint efforts.

Overall, there is no doubt the science reign supreme when talking about the factors influencing our social customs and ethics thereby altering masses of ideas and values in our society. But just because of this, we can not confirm that technologies determine them due to the fact that our culture and other alternatives also cast their shadow on the conventions and ethics.

=======================

Revised By Finn

=======================   

语法问题 批注 精彩表达

Do the technologies have a great influence on the social customs and ethics but also (不和not only一起用觉得有点怪 可以这样吗？) shape them? Admittedly, in the process of the form of our society's conventions and ethics, the technologies are one (are和one你不觉得矛盾吗？technologies用复数的话就是表明具体的各种技术了不如the technology is one of … ) of the indispensible factors. Yet, we should not exaggerate the effect of technology for our traditions are (怎么两个谓语？呃for是当原因来说？那用since好一点呢？) also exposed to the affection of other ingredients (我感觉这个词常当原材料意思使用 好像不太合适 查一查换个词或者表达吧).


To large extent, the rapid development of technologies changes our conventional routines as well as our ethics in some ways. Look at your Facebook, your friends are updating their blogs or uploading their photos which were just taken one minute ago. Now those SNS (SNs？缩写的意思是？一般不是常用的最好全拼出来) have been the most universal (不如用popular) way to keep touch with their friends even (有递进的必要？) their beloved. Decades ago, when we were communicating with our friends or relatives by letter or telegraph, who would imagine that one day we just need to click some button on the screen and then our feeling will be passed on to the people in another corner of the world (可以再看看相关的表述 我觉得使用终端啊或者什么的比角落要好)? It is the technologies that realize the (our) dream. Also, the fabulous magic, the technologies, makes the dreams of hundreds of thousands of couples who are unable (ability相应的形式会好一些 这个词表示内在的能力unable可能是其他方面的因素而不能要孩子实际上你这里说的是人生理上的问题) to have babies come true (有点头重脚轻了). In 1987, Louise Brown, the first test-tube baby was born in Great Britain, which give the tremendous hope to millions of couples (什么类型的couples？). But think that hundreds ago, this deed will definitely be label as the immorality.
(跟前面说的来来回回有点罗嗦了) Those illustrations demonstrate us that no one can deny the vital role on the form of our social customs and ethics.


However, why, among the pubic, are there so many voices opposing the decisive status of technologies when it comes to the conventions and ethics?
(这句话感觉表达的不是很好) The following example may answer your questions. Although in many realms the number of women has creeping up along with the headway of our technologies(怎么翻译？). (,) the
men obviously outnumber in some certain areas such as the engineering. It is because that he (指代的是谁？) stereotype that women are less interested in the machines cannot be simply erased by the progress of the society.
(这个例子不太好吧有点歧视的感觉 要是女的或者黑人改你文的话你就挂了 呵呵) Again, consider the Chinese traditional holiday (,) mid-autumn festival. Even though as the first man spacecraft landed on the moon thus showing that there is not any creature like human beings alive in this plain planet
(直接就说现在科技说着人类登月。。。你这么说表达不太好), the stories of Chang'e are also passed on (down) from one generation to another. Therefore, there are many things, in the world, that cannot be altered by technologies which rightly explains the showing-up of the opposite voices.


So, to be honest, technologies are not so much as the determinate ingredient as the infective element (这是比喻？这句话怎么翻译？). Our social customs and ethics are the results of the complicated influence of many factors such as the culture of a nation (有点多余). Why does the story of Chang'e still spread after being proved to be unrealistic (应该是虚假的而不是不切实际的 换一个词)? Why after so many years the sexism is still exist and is more likely to last many decades? The influence of culture is able to provide the cues to solve those questions. If you cast a look at the distinctive attitudes for the praises among American and Chinese, you may realize the gigantic effects of the culture. After achieving great accomplishments, the Americans will not mask their sense of honor and ecstasy, while the Chinese, in most cases, will still be modest and even claim that this success should be attributed to the joint efforts.
(这是贬低老美呢？这个例子可以说但角度不好应该是说老美是比较正面地接受赞扬而中国人会比显得谦虚一些 同样是接受赞扬两国由于文化不同所以表达方式也不同) (感觉这一段没有提到科技的事 有点小偏题了)


Overall, there is no doubt the science reign supreme when talking about the factors influencing our social customs and ethics thereby altering masses of ideas and values in our society. But just because of this (有因果关系吗？), we can not (cannot) confirm that technologies determine them due to the fact that our culture and other alternatives also cast their shadow on the conventions and ethics.


小结：1、文章错误表达问题有点多了
2、可以看看杨鹏的难句，提高写复杂句的能力
3、我觉得还是不要讨论老美比较敏感问题比如歧视问题

Revised by Finn

2010-6-1