作文互改联盟！

cnjskskUID: 155252

应广大托友要求，本人号召成立作文互改联盟。大概想法是这样：
1、大家把作文都发到这个主题下，不要另发帖子了（不然会很乱，作文集中起来，大家也可以集中改）
2、在发作文时，请先标明作文题号及题目。
3、由于在一个主题下，有多篇作文，因此在修改作文之前，请先指明是修改谁的作文。
4、如果有托友时间不够，也可以把作文提纲发上来，大家互相探讨。
我发现现在好象大家都很想别人帮着改作文，却不太想改别人的作文，这就使得TWE修改风形成不起来。其实我开始也不想看别人的作文，觉得耽误时间，但是后来尝试着改了几篇，觉得帮助满大的。一方面，指出别人的错误之处，另一方面从别人那学到了精华（一些好的句式及观点）。而且对于自己拿不准的表达法可以提出问题，由后人解答。所以帮别人改作文受益很大（前提当然是形成这种互助风气）
寄托家园本来就是给我们提供一个互助的平台，我看到以前的论坛上，大家都积极修改别人的TWE和AW，可是现在好象这种风气淡下来了，不管是在满分上，还是在飞跃重洋上。
所以我真心希望能借助这个帖子，使这个风气延续下来，不仅仅为了我们的8T，更是为了把我们中华民族的美德发扬光大！
也许话说的大了点，但是我心里真是这么想的。
下面是我的一篇作文，大家有时间就提点建议吧！

cnjskskUID: 155252

Topic: some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms. Other high schools permit students to decide what to wear to school. Which of there two school policies do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Upon to the question that whether high schools should require all students to wear school uniforms, different people have diverse opinions about it. Some may think that wearing school uniforms is better, however, others contradict it. Personally, I would be in favor of high schools demanding students to wear school uniforms. The following are reasons to support my viewpoint.

First of all, for the high school, students wearing school uniforms can make school a well-disciplined atmosphere. With the purpose of education, the school should be a strict place. If students with various kinds of clothes appear at the school, especially during the break of classes, you can image the chaos and you may associate it with a recreation center. To cultivate more future scientists, teachers or doctors, the high school should provide students a regular circumstance. Frankly, students wearing uniforms becomes a effective way to create a such environment.

In addition, for students, wearing school uniforms help them supervise themselves. As teenagers, high school students sometimes are not mature enough to control themselves appropriately. But if they put on school uniforms, it is another situation. When they want to play during study time, once looking at the uniforms, they would realize that they are students and the main task for them is study. Then, they would go back to study consciously. Gradually, with the increase of self-control ability, their efficiency of study is improved considerably.

Of course, wearing school uniforms also has some drawbacks. For example, students may feel dull while dressing the same clothes all the time. However, I deem that students should be aware of their identifications of students. They should spend more time on study rather than dressing.

From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that students wearing uniforms is a wise action and it would lie a solid foundation for their success in the future!

treesUID: 82785

非常支持楼主的想法，不过似乎相应的人很少呀～

thinkerUID: 161724

(Upon to the question that)，这样表达更直接，我觉得 whether high schools should require all students to wear school uniforms, different people have diverse opinions about it. Some may think that wearing school uniforms is better, however, others contradict it（contradict 好象很少这样用，改为opposite可能好点）. Personally, I would be in favor of high schools demanding students to wear school uniforms. The following are reasons to support my viewpoint.

First of all, for the high school, students wearing school uniforms can make school a well-disciplined atmosphere. With the purpose of education, the school should be a strict place. If students with various kinds of clothes appear at the school, especially during the break of classes, you can image the chaos and you may associate it （指什么？）with a recreation center. To cultivate more future scientists, teachers or doctors, the high school should provide students a regular circumstance. Frankly, students wearing uniforms becomes a effective way to create a such（such a ） environment.

In addition, for students, wearing school uniforms help(helps) them supervise themselves. As teenagers, high school students sometimes are not mature enough to control themselves appropriately. But if they put on school uniforms, it is another situation. When they want to play during study time, once looking at the uniforms, they would realize that they are students and the main task for them is study. Then, they would go back to study consciously. Gradually, with the increase of self-control ability, their efficiency of study is improved considerably.

Of course, wearing school uniforms also has some drawbacks. For example, students may feel dull while dressing the same clothes all the time. However, I deem that students should be aware of their identifications of students（汉语表达）. They should spend more time on study rather than dressing.

From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the （a）conclusion that students wearing uniforms is a wise action and it would lie a solid foundation for their success in the future!

steel_liuUID: 161612

作文 8
After television was invented last century ,it has played an important role in daily life. Television has come to become one of the  most influential mediums in the world and one of necessary electrical appliances  for almost every family. Some  people think television has destroyed the communication among family and friends .As far as I am concerned ,I don’t think so . The reasons about it is the followings.

Firstly ,television ,as a main tool for entertainment can be shared by the whole family and friends, which can promote  the relationship and communication of them .For example ,on the eve of the spring festival , which is the most important festival in China., the whole family sit around the television together, watching the colorful program about the festival. That kind of atmosphere is so impressive that every member of the whole family couldn’t forget it. During the weekend , the friends can usually also watch the television program which they are interested in while eating and chatting .

Secondly, the contend of the television program can improve the emotion the family and friends. Most of the topics of the television programs focus on the family value and friendship. For  instance some TV series about the family can often be watched. What these programs advocate is every one of us should pay more attention to the communication among the whole family and friends to live a more happy life.

Thirdly , the program of television can offer some useful information ,which is helpful to communication among wht family and friends. For example, I have a girlfriend who lives in other city. Recently I were  angry to her because she don’t understand me completely. But one day , she called me to ask how about the flood in my city and she said she was very worried about me when she knew that there were a big flood in my city from the news program of TV.

Although in some case , the family and friend would have different interest about the TV program ,which would make them unhappy and affect  their normal communication, television ,in general , cam promote the communication among the family and friends  from the reasons above.

steel_liuUID: 161612

还有就是每次修改之后，可以做一个总体评价，再提一些建议，我想效果会更好一些！

scoutUID: 154703

After television was invented last century ,it has played an important role in daily life. Television has come to become one of the most influential mediums in the world and one of necessary electrical （electric可能更好些）appliances for almost every family. Some people think television has destroyed the communication among family and friends .As far as I am concerned ,I don’t think so . The reasons about it is（are）the followings（The reasons for this point are listed as follows可能更好）.

Firstly ,television ,as a main tool for entertainment（，） can be shared by the whole family and（or） friends, which can promote the relationship and communication of them .For example ,on the eve of the spring festival , which is the most important festival in China., the whole family sit around the television together, watching the colorful program（s） about the festival. That kind of atmosphere is so impressive that every member of the whole family couldn’t （这儿为什么用过去时呢）forget it. During the weekend , the friends can usually also watch the television program（s） which they are interested in while eating and chatting .

Secondly, the contend （content）of the television program can improve the emotion （of）the family and friends. Most of the topics of the television programs focus on the family value and friendship. For instance some TV series about the family can often be watched. What these programs advocate is every one of us should pay more attention to the communication among the whole family and friends to live a more happy life.

Thirdly , the program（s） of television can offer some useful information ,which is helpful to communication among wht（？） family and friends. For example, I have a girlfriend who lives in other（another） city. Recently I were angry to（with） her because she don’t（do not） understand me completely. But one day , she called me to ask how about the flood in my city and she said she was very worried about me when she knew that there were a big flood in my city from the news program of （programs on）TV.（感觉话还没说完）

Although in some case（s） , the family and friend would have different interest about the TV program ,which would make them unhappy and affect their normal communication, （It can be concluded that）television（s） ,in general , cam promote the communication among the family and friends from the reasons above.

写的不错，但是2，3段的意思有些接近，另外据说在TWE中要避免don’t这类缩写。

cnjskskUID: 155252

谢谢thinker的意见，你也快点发作文上来啊！
steel_liu, 我感觉你的作文应多注意单复数的用法，（比如第一段中medium的复数是media）,还有时态要注意保持一致。语法方面还需加强。有些可能是粗心造成的，所以建议写完作文后仔细针对这些问题检查一两遍。毕竟TWE对语法很看重的。
scout，感谢你的热心修改，同时也期待你的作文：）

steel_liuUID: 161612

多谢诸位的宝贵意见！

dijestUID: 153023

响应一下，by the way,楼主，我改了你7。25贴上来的作文，去看一下吧，因为我也不确定是不是改得对。这里的回头我再看。

thinkerUID: 161724

2.Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

There are many people we meet in past years, including our parents, friends, school and college teachers and classmates. As a matter of fact, not only the school and college teachers, but also all these people are all our teachers to some extent. Then there comes to a question, that is, who is the best teachers? Different people may have different answers, I think. As far as I am concerned, parents are the best teachers in our past life and even in our whole life.

The first important reason of my opinion is that parents spend most time on us from our birth and they know us very well. During this time, our parents and we put up an unchangeable relationship, which is unique and constant. Moreover, we can do what we want do and say what we want to say when we face our parents. So they know what we need and what we think. There are no other people can do so in this world.

Another reason supporting my opinion is just as the saying of Chinese, that is, all parents have the same heart. What kind of heart? They all hope that their children become helpful for other people and the society, which make them do their best to teach children. There is another saying: hope sons become dragons and daughters phoenix. From this we can see what the parents' hope is like.

Last but not least, many parents can also do examples for their children. In fact, this is also the best effective and efficient way to teach children. As my parents as example, they both do everything carefully, which play a strong effect on my study and work. I can say without any hesitation that this does me good during the past and may also bring me much more in the future, I think.

From above reasons, we can draw a conclusion that parents are the best teachers in our life. They not only want very much but also are able to teach us very well, and they not only give us knowledge but also give other more important things.

cnjskskUID: 155252

2.Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
There are many people we meet in past years, including our parents, friends, school and college teachers and classmates（我觉得这句话怪怪的，好象和下面联系不上）. As a matter of fact, not only the school and college teachers, but also all these people are all our teachers to some extent. Then there comes to a question, that is, who is the best teachers（teacher）? Different people may have different answers, I think. As far as I am concerned, parents are the best teachers in our past life and even in (in去掉，这样简洁些)our whole life.

The first important reason of my opinion is that parents spend（have spent） most time on us from (since)our birth and they know us very well. During this time, our parents and we put up an unchangeable relationship（an unchangeable relationship has been built between  parents and us）, which is unique and constant. Moreover, we can do what we want do(可省掉do) and say what we want to say（省掉） when we face our parents. So they know what we need and what we think(think表示想时，是不及物动词，建议为think about). There are no other people can do so in this world.

Another reason supporting my opinion is just as the saying of Chinese(指代不明，后文并未指出saying，你想说的应该不是saying吧。saying指的是话或者谚语), that is, all parents have the same heart(thought). What kind of heart(thought)? They all hope that their children become helpful for other people and the society, which make(makes) them do their best to teach children. There is another saying: hope sons become dragons and daughters phoenix（这是你自己翻译的吧，但是对于中国的谚语，国外都有相应的翻译）. From this （point）we can see what the parents' hope is like.

Last but not least, many parents can also do examples for their children(be there children's examples). In fact, this is also the best effective and efficient way to teach children. As my parents as example(这句表述不正确), they both do everything carefully, which play（plays） a strong effect (role,这是固定搭配)on my study and work. I can say without any hesitation that this does me good during the past （it is good for my growing）and may also bring (brings)me much more in the future, I think.

From above reasons, we can draw a conclusion that parents are the （the）best teachers in our life. They not only want very much but also are able to teach us very well, and they not only give us knowledge but also give other more important things.(Not only can they teach us very well, but also bring us abundant knowledge or even more meaningful things.)

thinker,我觉得你的文章总的说来，条理清晰，但是感觉论证不充分，不能让人信服。而且句式有点单调，同时表达时中文色彩较浓。我也有这方面的缺陷。一起加油哦！

cnjskskUID: 155252

dijest，由于帖子沉了，所以开始没看见你的修改。刚刚又跑去看了，觉得你的意见很中肯，再次感谢！不过对于这个句子To a country or a nation, honor, which is invaluable for it cannot be bought by money, takes an especially important position，我觉得应该用takes，which从句是同谓语。如果把take改成taking,句子就少了谓语了：）

我想你的作文水平应该不赖，快发几篇上来给我们欣赏一下啦：）

没关系UID: 170978

There are many people we meet in past years, including our parents, friends, school and college teachers and classmates. As a matter of fact, not only the school and college teachers, but also all these people are all our teachers to some extent(去掉一个all可能好一点，有点重复。）. Then there comes to （多余）a question, that is, who is the best teachers（前后单复数不一致，也需用one代替teacher会好一点？）? Different people may have different answers, I think. As far as I am concerned, parents are the best teachers in our past life and even in our whole life.（parents were the best teachers in our past life,and still will be the best in future.)

The first important reason of my opinion is that parents spend most time on (这里应该是in把？）us from our birth and （把and换成,thus？hehe~~~)they know us very well. During this time, our parents and we put up an unchangeable relationship, which is unique and constant. Moreover, we can do what we want do and say what we want to say (we can do or say whatever we want) when we face our parents. So they know what we need and what we（去掉第二个what we也许好一点？） think. There are no other people can do so in this world.

Another reason supporting my opinion is just as the saying of Chinese, that is, all parents have the same heart. What kind of heart? They all hope that their children become helpful for other people and the society（觉得这里怪怪的。。。）, which make them do their best to teach children. There is another saying: hope sons become dragons and daughters phoenix. From this we can see what the parents' hope is like.

Last but not least, many parents can also do examples for their children. In fact, this is also the best （most) effective and efficient way to teach children. As my parents as example, they both do everything carefully, which play a strong effect on my study and work. I can say without any hesitation that this does me good during the past and may also bring me much more in the future, I think.

From above reasons, we can draw a conclusion that parents are the best teachers in our life. They not only want very much but also are able to teach us very well, and they not only give us knowledge but also give other more important things

hehe~~我还没有开始写作文呢，而且我水平也很。。。hehe~~不知道改的对不对。。
thinker你就当参考吧~~不过我觉得你喜欢用句式一样的排比句：比如最后一段。可是给人的感觉有点累赘啊，不知道为什么。。
hehe ~~

dijestUID: 153023

最初由 cnjsksk 发布
[B]不过对于这个句子To a country or a nation, honor, which is invaluable..

以下省略...... [/B]

这个句子，我认为cannot be 是谓语，所以把takes改成了taking。