作文互改联盟！

steel_liuUID: 161612

thinker 的文章里面 not only ,but also 用的太多了，可以尝试着用其他的类似的句式 ，如both ...and ,或者是 as well as

steel_liuUID: 161612

Almost everyone in the world wants to become a successful man ,which can realize their life value as an individual person. Therefore  it is important to analyze the key to success. When we discussing this topic , some people often say: “It is because of hard work .Luck  has nothing to do with  success. ”I think ,in my view, this viewpoint is so absolute that I can not follow it to some degree. The  reasons for it are listed as follows.

Fist of all, hard work is not the only factor to success. Luck also plays an important role in success, especially when the candidates have the same diligence, the success only belongs to one of them.. For example, I had a classmates called Xiao Li in the high school. In the common study , I were equal to him in the lessons. But when we attended he exam for the entrance of college, he caught a very heavy cold ,so that he could not do well in the exam as usual. At  last ,he failed the exam, while I were successful. I felt very for his for he had so bad luck.

Secondly, normal intelligence is also important then a person want to be successful. If a person is an idiot from infancy on , it is hard for us to image that he will be successful only thorough hard work.. In general , the more complex the work is , the higher intelligence is required. As a matter of fact , the great scientist of last century ,Einstein had  much  higher IQ than the average person.

Thirdly ,there are other factors which also can lead to suceess, such as ,correct method, positive attitude to life. It is believed that a person who has  the correct method to do something can be easy to make a success and if a person has not the positive attitude to life , it is difficult to achieve the true success.

It is obvious that every successful people can not attain success without hard work. But from what are discussed above , . it canbe concluded that if we combine  hard work  with other important factors , we can be easier to a success person.

thinkerUID: 161724

cnjsksk, 没关系,谢谢你们.
你们的意见我要好好考虑,再次感谢.
自己写的文章,很多时候毛病自己难以发现.
希望以后相互修改,共同进步!

没关系UID: 170978

Almost everyone in the world wants to become a successful man ,which can realize their life value as an individual person. Therefore it is important to analyze the key to success. When we discussing (discuss) this topic , some people often say: “It is because of hard work .Luck has nothing to do with success. ”I think ,in my view, this viewpoint is so absolute (absolute可以这样用么？） that I can not follow it to some degree. The reasons for it are listed as follows.

Fist of all, hard work is not the only factor to success. (although hard work is probably the most important determinant,it is not the only explanation for success.) Luck also plays an important role in success, especially when the candidates have the same diligence, the（去掉） success only belongs to one of them.. For example, I had a classmates（单数） called Xiao Li in the high school. In the common study , I were equal to him in the lessons. But when we attended he exam for the entrance of college, he caught a very heavy cold ,so that he could not do well in the exam as usual. At last ,he failed the exam, while I were successful. I felt very for his （him)for he had so bad luck(i feel sad for his bad luck).

Secondly, normal intelligence is also important then (when) a person want to be successful(个人觉得，还是去掉a person want to be successful，有点累赘）. If a person is an idiot from infancy on , it is hard for us to image that he will be successful only thorough(through) hard work.. In general , the more complex the work is , the higher intelligence is required. As a matter of fact , the great scientist of (the) last century ,Einstein had much higher IQ than the average person.

Thirdly ,there are other factors which also can lead to suceess, such as ,correct method, (and) positive attitude to life. It is believed that a person who has the correct method to do something can be easy to make a success and(but)  if a person has not the positive attitude to life , it is difficult to achieve the true success.

It is obvious that every successful people can not attain success without hard work. But from what are discussed above , . it canbe concluded that if we combine hard work with other important factors , we can be easier to(become) a success person.

steel-liu，我觉得你的文章里面中式英语比较多，而且是不是可以考虑用一些局势和结构较为复杂的句子呢？
建议你看阅读的时候可以从里面挑出来比较经典的句子，作为自己的模版~~
而且你的the好像用的怪怪的阿。。。
我是菜鸟。。hehe~~说错了别见怪。。。

thinkerUID: 161724

Almost everyone in the world wants to become a successful man ,which can realize their life value as an individual person.（建议不要用这个定语从句） Therefore it is important to analyze the key to success. When we discussing（discuss） this topic , some people often say: “It is because of hard work .Luck has nothing to do with success. ”I think ,in my view, （重复）this viewpoint is so absolute that I can not follow it to some degree. The reasons for it are listed as follows.

Fist of all, hard work is not the only factor to success（succeed). Luck also plays an important role in success, especially when the candidates have the same diligence, the success only （绝对了）belongs to one of them.. For example, I had a classmates called Xiao Li in the high school. In the common study , I were equal to him in the lessons. But when we attended he exam for the entrance of college, he caught a very heavy cold ,so that he could not do well in the exam as usual. At last ,he failed the exam, while I were successful. I felt very（well) for his for he had so bad luck.

Secondly, normal intelligence is also important then （if）a person want to be successful. If a person is an idiot from infancy on , it is hard for us to image that he will be successful only thorough hard work.. In general , the more complex the work is , the higher intelligence is required. As a matter of fact , the great scientist of last century ,Einstein had much higher IQ than the average person.（例子没有说服力）

Thirdly ,there are other factors which also can lead to suceess, such as ,correct （不恰当）method, positive attitude to life. It is believed that a person who has the correct method to do something can be easy to make a success and if a person has not the positive attitude to life , it is difficult to achieve the true success.

It is obvious that every successful people can not attain success without hard work. But from what are discussed above , . it can be concluded that if we combine hard work with other important factors , we can be easier to a success（successful) person.

scoutUID: 154703

Topic: It has been said, “Not everything that is learned is contained in books.” Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?


I guess the discussion about whether books or experience is more important for gaining knowledge has last a long time. Both sides have many supporters. In fact, it is really hard to define which source is absolutely good or not. As a student, I would side with those who prefer learning knowledge from books.

First and foremost, there is much essential knowledge for us in books, especially in textbooks. It is well known to all, the main task of students is study and the primary tool of learning is book. Our textbooks include knowledge of mathematics, literature, history and so on, which is important to every one of us. Obviously, it is impossible for us to learn all these knowledge by experience. We have not enough time and money to practice every thing that is mentioned in books and some situations have disappeared forever. So, for most of us, reading books is an efficient way to learn.

Further more, most authors are experts of certain field so a high quality book may contain conclusions of experience in several years. So, I believe theories or principles included in books are more reliable than those made by myself. Besides, because knowledge is arrayed according to logic in books, we can understand a complex theory easily. Thus, learning knowledge from books will help us progress rapidly.

However, we cannot deny the importance of experience at the same time. No doubt, not everything is contained in books. Something can only be gained in experience. Moreover, we need to test what we have learned from books in real life and cultivate our abilities by practice.

In a word, although experience is important, I insist the advantage of learning by books is more obvious, not only because books include abundant knowledge but also because books include conclusions of predecessors. Therefore, I strongly hold that, in order to enrich our knowledge, we should read books as many as possible.

brokUID: 163516

赞！
不过这样跟一个帖子效率很低
要是有一个栏目就好了
不同的文章不同的帖子

cnjskskUID: 155252

Topic: It has been said, “Not everything that is learned is contained in books.” Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?


I guess the discussion about whether books or experience is more important for gaining knowledge has last (lasted)a long time. Both sides have many supporters. In fact, it is really hard to define which source is absolutely good or not. As a student, I would side with those who prefer learning knowledge from books.

First and foremost, there is much essential knowledge for us in books, especially in textbooks. It is well known to all, the main task of students is study and the primary tool of learning is book. Our textbooks include knowledge of mathematics, literature, history and so on, which is (are)important to every one of us. Obviously, it is impossible for us to learn all these knowledge by experience. We have not enough time and money to practice every thing that is mentioned in books and some situations have disappeared forever(这句话要表达什么意思啊？). So, for most of us, reading books is an efficient way to learn(learn是动词，这里建议改成learning).

Further more, most authors are experts of certain field so a high quality book may contain conclusions of experience in several years. So, I believe theories or principles included in books are more reliable than those made by myself. Besides, because knowledge is arrayed according to logic in books, we can understand a complex theory easily. Thus, learning knowledge from books will help us progress rapidly.

However, we cannot deny the importance of experience at the same time. No doubt, not everything is contained in books. Something can only be gained in experience. Moreover, we need to test what we have learned from books in real life and cultivate our abilities by practice.

In a word, although experience is important, I insist the advantage （应该不只一个优点，advantages）of learning by books is(are)more obvious, not only because books include abundant knowledge but also because books include(前面用了include,这里用contain吧) conclusions of predecessors. Therefore, I strongly hold that, in order to enrich our knowledge, we should read books as many as possible.

我觉得写的不错，4.5是肯定有的。不过作者如果想拿高分，还应该使论证更充分写，同时注意句子及用词的润色。

没关系UID: 170978

我在想啊
8月开始作文应该不算太晚吧。。。
现在听力还郁闷呢
大家加油！

brokUID: 163516

刚写一篇，有灌水嫌疑，郁闷中，大家狂拍阿

90. If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that be, and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.


I'm not an enthusiasitc fan of famous entertainers or athletes; however, if I was offered a chance to meet one of them, I'd rather choose Lee Brennan, the leader singer of the band 911.  Simply because I want to ask a very teenager three questions.

The very first question would be "what do you think of life?" -- although this question seems too broad to answer, it has some specific meaning for Lee.  A cancer was found Lee's young body when he was only eight, and the doctor said that he might live not much longer.  But Lee wasn't frustrated, he formed the famous band of 911, managed to sell out millions of records and became one of the most popular singers in the world.  Perhaps due to all kinds of treatment, Lee was only a little bit taller than 5 feet, but this small English boy has built a miracle of life.  His life seems blessed instead of being filled of struggling and fighting, but who knows the pains?  So, were I offered a chance, I'd rather ask Lee, "what do you think of life?"

The second question I'd ask is as broad as the first one; that is "what do you think of love?"  Altough Lee seems a brilliant cotemporary to me, his band actually did dismiss due to a combat between three members for one girl.  This seems completely unreasonable to me that how was such a wise person who has overcome all difficulties in his life, not able to solve such a conflict between work and love, and eventually fell off the crest of his career?  Did he hold a unusual attitude toward love, or it was only sudden spasm of sexual desire that overwhelmed him, making him regret throughout his rest life?  So, were I offered a chance, I'd rather ask Lee, "What do you think of love?"

The third question is somehow parallel to the second one; that is "what do you think of cooperation?"  So far as I know, the band 911 was eminent especially for its harmonious dance and chorus, a delicate mixture of melody and rhythm.  In this sense, the three members of the band must have a great cooperation, and deep comradeship would almost definitely ensue.  How could they obtain such a harmony which is very precious in many occasions?  And how was it possible that such a harmony was broke into pieces in front of a girl?  So, were I offered a chance, I'd rather ask Lee, "What do you think of cooperation?"

I just want to ask Lee Brennan these three questions.  Lee was only a few years older than I am, but he seems so complicated and unique.  Believing he is a wise person endeavored the storm that should certainly has some perspective views, as well as being a cotemporary of him who perhaps has some common minds to facilitate communication, I really want to meet this very individual to ask these questions.  What do you think of life, love, and cooperation?

awin1003_aaUID: 166888

29. Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

自己不知提纲是否有问题:
提纲：
一段 ：开头
二段 ：1。好的方面：发明了汽车等交通工具，四通八达的公路----生活方         
                                         便。
                2．不好的方面：a。我们直接的破坏环境和生态平衡（砍大树、赶动                                 
                                                    物、杀动物，导致动物绝种了）
                                                     因此，土地沙漠化了、沙尘暴来了。
                                               b。我们间接的破坏环境（举例：汽车导致carbon  
                                                      dioxide在大气中的含量大幅增加）
三段 ：结尾：好的不好的都有，发展的同时不能以破坏环境为代价。

正文：
Human  activities  for  world  improvement  have  been  affecting  the  surroundings  ever  since  the emergence   of  we  human  being 。Now  two  opinions  exist：one is  that  our activities  do harm  to  the  Earth；the  other  is  right  the  opposite ---- we make it  better  for  us  to  live 。

After three times of industry revolutions，we had invented motor，abstracted various kinds of oil，such as kerosene，gasoline，and diesel oil，and manufactured automobiles，trains，and airplanes ， all of which  today we thought to be quotidian。Traveling with them  between two countries whether faraway on the continent or overseas，all of  us can feel the convenience。Not until late 19th century，the time when the innovation of architecture ，especially in the dwelling houses started，can we be able to live in the light and spacious rooms which make us feel comfortable。（当建筑学的改进，尤其是在居民住宅方面，开始的时候）

On the opposite，accompanied with our activities，the deterioration of the environment and the suffering of the animals became more and more obvious。As we need much more space，we target forest for improvement。We cut down the big trees which may be older than a hundred year old cruelly，just like weeding out the weeds，and then drive the animals away from the places which were belong to them originally or even kill them，just like the robbers。 Consequently ，we now have the opportunity to see the changes from sand to desert（土地沙漠化？），and to be familiar with the new phenomenon called“sha chen bao”----a natural scene that the wind equipped with countless sand attacks all the passersby crazily。

Besides the direct harm we did to the Earth，we also damage it indirectly。For example，because the number of the automobiles has been increasing，the carbon dioxide in the atmosphere rose from its preindustrial level of 280 ppm to the present level of 380 ppm----a value still accelerating as we continue business as usual。

From the above，we can conclude the when we use our intelligence to make the Earth better for us to live，we do harm either。So what we should realize is ：improvement is necessary，simultaneously，the environment can not be sacrificed neither。We ought to walk along a continuous road。

thinkerUID: 161724

91.If you could ask a famous person one question, what would you ask? Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Everyone wants to meet many famous persons and has many questions to ask each famous person. I also have, but Edison is the famous person whom I most want to meet. I also have many questions to ask him, but I will ask him, if I can ask him only one question, how he faced the failure and success. Why I ask this question, there are many reasons.

First of all, Edison got many failures as well as success. As a matter of fact, when people happen to fail many times, they may give up or at least lose some confidence and courage. But Edison could insist on and get success. Is it just due to his interest or curiosity? I do not think so. Therefore, I want to know why.

Furthermore, Edison had so many inventions in his life, that is, he is very successful. We may want to stop or do not want very much to go further once we get some success. On contrary, Edison went on and made so many inventions. In fact, if we have one invention done by Edison in our life, we are already very successful. So I want to know what made him do so.

Last but not least, Edison had little formal education in his life. On the other hand, we go to school then to college even to graduate school to get master degree and doctor degree, but we cannot have one invention. We all want to get success, but we get many failures. So I want to know why Edison can get success without much education and we cannot although we have got so much education.

In conclusion, we all want to succeed, which may be the most important reason that we study further. But before we get success, we must happen to many failures. How to do with success and failure is very important to us. So I want to get some answers from the greatest inventor Edison.

thinkerUID: 161724

Human activities for world improvement have been affecting the surroundings ever since the emergence of we（去掉） human being 。Now two opinions exist：（用there be 句型比较好）one is that our activities do harm to the Earth；the other is right (on) the opposite ---- we make it better for us to live 。

After three times of industry revolutions，we had invented motor，abstracted various kinds of oil，such as kerosene，gasoline，and diesel oil，and manufactured automobiles，trains，and airplanes ， all of which today we thought to be quotidian。Traveling with (by)them between two countries whether faraway on the continent or overseas，all of us can feel the convenience。Not until late 19th century，the time when the innovation of architecture ，especially in the dwelling houses started，can we be able to live in the light and spacious rooms which make us feel comfortable（不要倒装）

On the opposite，accompanied with our activities，the deterioration of the environment and the suffering of the animals became more and more obvious。As we need much more space，we target forest for improvement。（意思不明确）We cut down the big trees which may be older than a hundred year old cruelly，just like weeding out the weeds，and then drive the animals away from the places which were belong to them originally or even kill them，just like the robbers。 Consequently ，we now have the opportunity to see the changes from sand to desert（这样表达不太好），and to be familiar with the new phenomenon called“sha chen bao”----a natural scene that the wind equipped with countless sand attacks all the passersby crazily。

Besides the direct harm we did to the Earth，we also damage it indirectly。For example，because the number of the automobiles has been increasing，the carbon dioxide in the atmosphere rose from its preindustrial level of 280 ppm to the present level of 380 ppm----a value still accelerating as we continue business as usual。

From the above，we can conclude the when（？） we use our intelligence to make the Earth better for us to live，we do harm either。（用什么句型，不明白）So what we should realize is ：improvement is necessary，simultaneously，the environment can not be sacrificed neither。We ought to walk along a continuous road。

thinkerUID: 161724

I'm not an enthusiasitc fan of famous entertainers or athletes; however, if I was offered a chance to meet one of them, I'd rather choose Lee Brennan, the leader singer of the band 911. Simply because I want to ask a very teenager three questions.

The very first question would be "what do you think of life?" -- although this question seems too broad to answer, it has some specific meaning for Lee. A cancer was found Lee's young body when he was only eight, and the doctor said that he might live not much longer. But Lee wasn't frustrated, he formed the famous band of 911, managed to sell out millions of records and became one of the most popular singers in the world. Perhaps due to all kinds of treatment, Lee was only a little bit taller than 5 feet, but this small English boy has built a miracle of life. His life seems blessed instead of being filled of struggling and fighting, but who knows the pains? So, were I offered a chance, I'd rather ask Lee, "what do you think of life?"

The second question I'd ask is as broad as the first one; that is "what do you think of love?" Altough Lee seems a brilliant cotemporary to me, his band actually did dismiss due to a combat between three members for one girl. This （用it 比较好）seems completely unreasonable to me that how was such a wise person who has overcome all difficulties in his life, not able to solve such a conflict between work and love, and eventually fell off the crest of his career? Did he hold a （an）unusual attitude toward love, or it was only sudden spasm of sexual desire that overwhelmed him, making him regret throughout his rest life? So, were I offered a chance, I'd rather ask Lee, "What do you think of love?"

The third question is somehow parallel to the second one; that is "what do you think of cooperation?" So far as I know, the band 911 was eminent especially for its harmonious dance and chorus, a delicate mixture of melody and rhythm. In this sense, the three members of the band must have a great cooperation, and deep comradeship would almost definitely ensue. How could they obtain such a harmony which is very precious in many occasions? And how was it possible that such a harmony was broke into pieces in front of a girl? So, were I offered a chance, I'd rather ask Lee, "What do you think of cooperation?"（换种表达方式，与上一段重复）

I just want to ask Lee Brennan these three questions. Lee was only a few years older than I am, but he seems so complicated and unique. Believing he is a wise person endeavored the storm that should certainly has some perspective views, as well as being a cotemporary of him who perhaps has some common minds to facilitate communication, I really want to meet this very individual to ask these questions. What do you think of life, love, and cooperation?

写的不错，不过第一段中说想见某人，原因是想问问题，好象有点牵强。
看来兄台已经考多G了，继续努力，你能写出6分的作文的。

brokUID: 163516

谢谢楼上
我其实有些走题，想见他是由于他特殊，由于他特殊所以想问问题
不过想问问题还是挺新鲜的理由，呵呵
So, were I offered a chance, I'd rather ask Lee, "What do you think of cooperation?"（换种表达方式，与上一段重复）
我就是想不断重复这句话，不知道是不是有些恶心

不知道这篇文章是不是一片忠规忠矩的toefl文章。我G作文3.5，虽然经过充分的准备，考的也是精心写过的，令我差点彻底崩溃。希望能振作起来。
也bless各位托友~