作文互改联盟！

thinkerUID: 161724

我感觉TOEFL的作文不好举例，写不深，而且论证感觉不充分，下面是我的一篇练习作文，请各位指点！
19.Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

As a matter of fact, it is important to improve roads and highways as well as to improve public transportation, such as buses, trains, and subways. So governments should spend much money on both sides. Based on the current conditions of our country, however, governments, I think, should spend more money on the latter. There are many reasons for my opinion.

First of all, improving public transportation can bring us more convenience. There are heavy traffics in every road of our country, thus causing much accidence. Is there much accidence just because of heavy traffics? The management, I think, is the key answer. In fact, buses, bicycles and people all cross the same roads at the same time. Therefore it is not strange to us that there are so many accidences.

Furthermore, most of buses in our country do not reach the normal level of emitting pollutions. An environment without or with low pollutions is very important to people’s lives. The pollutions put out by buses and automobiles are the major part of the pollution of our city. Therefore, governments should pay much attention on it.

In addition, improving public transportation is practical method of getting high efficiency. Some people, on the other hand, may argue that improving roads and highways is better way to improve our efficiency. It is reasonable, but we can imagine that there must still have heavy traffics and pollutions without better management even if there are more roads and highways.

From what have been discussed above, we can safely draw a conclusion that governments should spend more money on improving public transportation even though both improving roads and highways and improving public transportation are important.

beethovenUID: 167908

加工了一下楼上的文章,是不是好一点了呢
As a matter of fact, it is important to improve roads and highways as well as to improve public transportation, such as buses, trains, and subways. So governments should spend much money on both sides. Based on the current conditions of our country, however, governments, I think, should spend more money on the latter for several reasons.

First of all, improving public transportation can help reduce traffic accidents . Heavy traffics happend  nearly on every road of our country, which  causes many accidences. Especially in the rush hour when buses, bicycles, and people all cross the same roads at the same time without management, accidents can occur very likely. Therefore. the governmetn is better to first improve its public transportation to make traffics flow smoothly.

Furthermore, most of buses in our country do not reach the normal level of emitting harmful gas. Air pollutions caused by buses and automobiles have been one of the  most crucial and serious problems in some cities. Therefore, the government should pay more attention to people's health  and  consider to improve its disqualified public  buses.

In addition, improving public transportation is a practical method of getting high efficiency. Building subways, for example, willl help avaoid traffic jams, and urban residents may save not only time but money by subways.  It has been very rare that if a big modern city does not have subways now. No one could refuse using more efficent ways of transportation , so does the government.

In conclusion, our government should spend more money on improving public transportation even though  improving roads and highways and  improving public transportation are both important. Improving public tranportaion means more to us, not only help reduce traffic accidents, improve environment, but also provide a more efficent way of living.

treesUID: 82785

精华之，继续：）

flyappleUID: 154698

呵呵，我对46楼文章的一点建议

我感觉TOEFL的作文不好举例，写不深，而且论证感觉不充分，下面是我的一篇练习作文，请各位指点！
19.Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

As a matter of fact, it is important to improve roads and highways as well as to improve public transportation, such as buses, trains, and subways. So governments should spend much money on both sides. Based on the current conditions of our country, however, governments, I think, should spend more money on the latter. There are many reasons for my opinion.
感觉你第一段，读起来观点有些不够力度，我觉得你的第一句话冲淡了你所想表达的观点，改一下陈述方式应该会好些
First of all, improving public transportation can bring us more convenience. There are heavy traffics in every road of our country, thus causing much accidence. Is there much accidence just because of heavy traffics? The management, I think, is the key answer. In fact, buses, bicycles and people all cross the same roads at the same time. Therefore it is not strange to us that there are so many accidences.
accidence到底是可数还是不可数呢？这段好像有点没写完的感觉吧，heavey traffic导致了事故，那么public transpotation的改善如何为我们带来方便呢？提一下最好

Furthermore, most of buses in our country do not reach the normal level of emitting pollutions. An environment without or with low pollutions is very important to people’s lives. The pollutions put out by buses and automobiles are the major part of the pollution of our city. Therefore, governments should pay much attention on it.
这段的第一句话，读起来有些中式英语的嫌疑，汽车排放的应该不是污染，而是noxious gases, which would cause the pollution in our city.

In addition, improving public transportation is (a) practical method of getting high efficiency. Some people, on the other hand, may argue that improving roads and highways is(a) better way to improve our efficiency. It is reasonable, but we can imagine that there must still have heavy traffics and pollutions without better management even if there are more roads and highways. 这一段的理由很好，可是感觉论证不是很充分，好像仅仅在重复上面的两个话题呀。比如节省了等车时间，改进了路线，提高了速度都是效率的体现。

From what have been discussed above, we can safely draw a conclusion that governments should spend more money on improving public transportation even though both improving roads and highways and improving public transportation are important


以上是我个人看法，我的作文也写的不好，如果说的不好，情大家指教

flyappleUID: 154698

12.Many people visit museums when they travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums? Use your specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


When people travel to new places, many of them want to visit museums. In my point of view, the reasons why people are willing to do so are as follows:

First of all, the most attractive aspect of the museums is that people could see many precious collections which are hard to be seen in other places. For example, in the museums people could appreciate paintings, frescos, and sculptures of many famous artists in the world, and they also have the opportunity to see some things which can rarely be seen in private collections, for instance, the remains of some big animals from remote ages which have been preserved in good conditions, such as mammoth, elephants, dinosaurs, and so on.

Another reason why museums have the special appeal to so many visitors is that museums are good places for general people to know the history and characters of a place in a very short time. For most of the travelers, they always have a busy schedule and could not waste too much time and energy just to find a place which has been said to be related with some famous history event. So most of them turn to museums for help, compared with the parks, restaurants, theatres and other spots in the place they have visited, museums could embody the primary characters of the places to the largest extent.

Furthermore, some people visit museums for the academic purpose, while others just visit there for fun. Take the in lufugong in Paris for example. Thousands of people visit there, some of them spend whole day in it, whose only purpose is to do some research about the arts in the academic fields. However, major people are common visitors who just go there for fun, and some of them have the similar opinion that it is not worthy to have a trip in Pairs, unless they visit lufugong.

To sum up, museums are good places for people traveling in a new place to visit, no matter for what kind of reasons. They could make the new visitors to appreciate the precious collections, and help them know the place better during a short time.

俺卢浮宫不会写，所以就写拼音了，汗！大家不要笑俺

steel_liuUID: 161612

TWE23
In some countries ,especially the countries which are not developed, the phenomenon that teenagers have jobs while they are still students is very common. It is obvious that it is against the laws in most countries. And it , from the  my point of  view ,will have a negative role in the growing process of these teenagers ,both in physical side and mental side .
First of all, the behavior of employing teenagers to work will affect their study dramatically. At their age, it is high time that they should focus on their study to acquire enough knowledge for their future. If they go to work , they do not have as enough time to study as the normal student who do not go to work. In addition , after work , they will feel so tired that they can not concentrate on their lessons , which will at last make their study lag far behind others.
Secondly , that behavior is harmful to the teenagers’ health. Usually   the work which the teenagers are employed to do is the same hard as that work which the adults do .But as to the teenagers  who are under growing up, the work force would be bad to their bodies. For example ,in China, a company employed a lot of teenagers to do the heavy work  and the jobs were so hard that many teenagers could not tolerate .As a result , some teenagers got heavy  illnesses and even died.
Furthermore , the behavior often invades teenagers ‘legal right. Some companies or industries often give the teenagers, who work for them the pay half that of the normal workers and even less, although the work force is as hard as that of the adults. And if the teenagers break the rules of the company , sometimes they will be punished with violence .But under such situation , the teenagers are too young and lack the concerned  law knowledge to protect their right .
It is true that in some  cases , teenagers have to work while studying since their families are so poor and the government lacks concerned policies to support their living and study. From what are discussed above , it can be concluded that the behavior of employing teenagers labor is bad to teenagers from many aspects .

princessmiaUID: 121566

Many students have to live with roommates while going to school or university. What are some of the important qualities of a good roommate? Use specific reasons and examples to explain why these qualities are important.

Each person has his or her own characteristics, and the answer to the question “what are some of the important qualities of a good roommate?” depends on your own experience or life style. It’s so difficult to identify common qualities of different people, because different people have different advantages. Through my experience of living in dormitory during my four-year university life, I would like to live with a roommate who has the following qualities.

The most important quality is honesty, which means trusting the others. I used to live with a girl two years ago; she had stolen such things as my money and my makeup. What’s more, she even peeked at my private letter when I was out. If I felt too uncomfortable to go to class, she would never tell me important class contents when I asked her. Needless to say, I don’t want to live with that girl anymore.

Secondly, in my opinion, another quality of a good roommate is friendliness. Friendliness means loving and helping the others. College roommates may come from different parts of the country, and it’s their fate to live together. They should help each other when falling in trouble from life, study, or other aspects. Last year, for instance, I had a new roommate whose hometown was far from mine. There are many differences between us, but she was so friendly that I could get alone well with her. We studied together, ate together and played together, just like twins living together from childhood. After I graduated from the university and left her, we still keep in touch. The time spent with her is a nice memory in my heart.

In sum, comparing the two contrary experiences during my university study, I feel deeply that the important qualities a good roommate ought to possess are honesty and friendliness. They are not only important for a good roommate, but also indispensable for a good person.

cnjskskUID: 155252

princessmia,`我觉得你的文章语句很通顺,但是感觉论证不够.比如说要诚实的那一段,你就只举了一个实际例子,是不是在例子说完之后在总结几句,好些呢?
同时我感觉文章是不是短了些^_^

yadcxUID: 93144

徒弟啊，写文章的时候注意论证结构紧凑，论证过程要严密和有力，把分析和实例结合起来。
另外写点有难度的句子。

mingiUID: 152314

People attend college and university for many different reasons. (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific  reasons and examples to support your answer.

第一次写，时间掌握不好，超了8分钟。而且很多地方用语不准确，一时都想不起要怎么写了。
论证方面我也不知道该怎么办，好像一写就收很没有深度，写多了又怕超时。大家拍拍吧。

In my point of view, people are driven to college or university by their own desires and the pressure from society. Undoubtedly, receiving higher education enable students to abtain a variety of knowledge and also to have a colorful life experience, which can help them in coming days. Besides, in order to fit for the highly competitive society, people have to manipulate specific techniques and knowledge in college or university.

The most important reason for one to enter a college or university, in my view, is to fulfill his or her desire for knowledge. It is true that some students in university do not spend much time on study. But we can say most young people are hard-working during their four-year college life. One of my roommates once told me that he was totally infascinated when he read a biochemistry book or conducted an experiment in lab. And he did love studying very much, spending much time in laboratory and library to empower his academic ability. Of course, he is not the only person I know who came to university for knowledge.

Another attractive point is the life experience on campus, a step stone for students to enter society. In most of the cases, students have to leave their homes, where they have lived for about 20 years, to adapt to an absolutely strange environment. From the day they enter the university or college, they have to absolve daily life problems such as pay the phone bill, clean the dorm and repair their cars. All these difficulties must be coped with without the help of their parents. Many graduates concede that campus life is the first step of self-independence.

Aside from subjective reasons mentioned above, the objective reason is also important. In this society, people believe that a bachelor's degree is a promise for bright future: high-salary job, capacious house, and harmonious life. Therefore, parents inculcate their children, still at a early age, that matriculated by a university or college is the final destination in their study lives. Thus, driven by their parents and teachers, in fact, the whole society, many students eventually fulfill their dream--enter a high school.

All in all, people enter college or university not only for increased knowledge and life experiences, but also to prepare for their future lives.

SammyfeishiUID: 151939

51楼的twe 23 我帮你加了题目 方便大家阅读
23  in some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students, do you think this is a good idea? support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

In some countries ,especially the countries which are not developed （用developing countries 不是更好）, the phenomenon that teenagers have jobs while they are still students is very common. It is obvious that it is against the laws in most countries. And it , from the（the 去掉） my point of view ,will have（用play更常用些吧 ）a negative role in the growing process of these teenagers ,both in physical side and mental side .

First of all, the behavior of employing teenagers to work will affect their study dramatically. At their age, it is high time that they should focus on their study to acquire enough knowledge for their future. If they go to work , they do not have as enough time to study as the normal student who do not go to work. In addition , after work(感觉太中国化 改成 after finishing a whole day’s work 会不会好一些) , they will feel so tired that they can not concentrate on their lessons , which will at last make their study lag far behind others.(lag  far behind 可以这样连起来用吗)

Secondly , that behavior is harmful to the teenagers’ health. Usually the work which the teenagers are employed to do is the same hard as that work which the adults do .But as to the teenagers who are under growing up, the work force would be bad to their bodies. For example ,in China, a company employed a lot of teenagers to do the heavy work and the jobs were so hard that many teenagers could not tolerate .As a result , some teenagers got heavy illnesses and even died.

Furthermore , the behavior often invades teenagers ‘legal right. Some companies or industries often give the teenagers, who work for them the pay half that of the normal workers and even less, although the work force is as hard as that of the adults. And if the teenagers break the rules of the company , sometimes they will be punished with violence .But under such situation 加s, the teenagers are too young and lack the concerned law knowledge to protect their right .

It is true that in some cases , teenagers have to work while studying since their families are so poor and the government lacks concerned policies to support their living and study. From what are discussed above , it can be concluded that the behavior of employing teenagers labor is bad to teenagers from many aspects .

总体感觉bad 这样的模糊性词语用得太多了 表达挺中国化的 要多注意一个意思的多种表达
观点还是很鲜明的 不过在发达国家学生有part-time job是很正常的 我觉得不应完全否定题目观点
加油哦 我其实也刚写不久 这只是参考意见

thinkerUID: 161724

beethoven改后的文章比我的原文好多了。
flyapple的见解很有道理。
感谢你们！

thinkerUID: 161724

When people travel to new places, many of them want to visit museums. （过渡有些突然）In my point of view, the reasons why people are willing to do so are as follows:

First of all, the most attractive aspect of the museums is that people could see many precious collections which are hard to be seen in other places. For example, in the museums people could appreciate paintings, frescos, and sculptures of many famous artists in the world, and they also have the opportunity to see some things which can rarely be seen in private collections, for instance, the remains of some big animals from remote （去掉，一般修饰距离）ages which have been preserved in good conditions, such as mammoth, elephants, dinosaurs, and so on.

Another reason why museums have the special appeal to so many visitors is that museums are good places for general people to know the history and characters of a place in a very short time. For most of the travelers, they always have a busy schedule and could not waste too much time and energy just to find a place which has been said to be related with some famous history event. So most of them turn to museums for help, compared with the parks, restaurants, theatres and other spots in the place they have visited, museums could embody the primary characters of the places to the largest extent.

Furthermore, some people visit museums for the academic purpose, while others just visit there for fun. Take the in lufugong in Paris for example. Thousands of people visit there, some of them spend whole day in it, whose only purpose is to do some research about the arts in the academic fields. However, major （most) people are common visitors who just go there for fun, and some of them have the similar opinion that it is not worthy to have a trip in Pairs, unless they visit lufugong.

To sum up, museums are good places for people traveling in a new place to visit, no matter for (去掉）what kind of reasons. They could make the new visitors to appreciate the precious collections, and help them know the place better during a short time.

总体感觉写的不错，很流畅。

SammyfeishiUID: 151939

对55楼的建议

In my point of view, people are driven to college or university by their own desires and the pressure from society. Undoubtedly, receiving higher education enable (加s )students to abtain a variety of knowledge and also to have a colorful life experience, which can help them in coming days. Besides, in order to fit for the higly competitive society, people have to manipulate specific techniques and knowledge in college or university.

The most important reason for one to enter a college or university, in my view, is to fulfill his or her desire for knowledge. It is true that some students in university do not spend much time on study. But we can say most young people are hard-working during their four-year college life. One of my roommates once told me that he was totally infascinated when he read a biochemistry book or conducted an experiment in lab. And he didd love studing very much, spending much time in laboratory and library to empower his academic ability. Of course, he is not the only person I know who came to university for knowledge.

Another attractive point is the life experience on campus, a step sone for students to enter society. In most of the cases我记得in most cases 更简单, students have to leave their homes, where they have lived for about 20 years, to adapt a ablolutely strange environment. From the day they enter the university or college, they have to absolve daily life problems such as pay the phone bill, clean the dorm and repair their cars这里的动词都应该加ing. All these difficutiles must be coped with without the help of their parents. Many graduates concede that campus life is the first step of self-indepence.

Aside from subjective reasons mentioned above, the objective reason is also important. In this society, people believe that a bachelar's degree is a promise for bright future: high-salary job, capacious house, and harmonious life. Therefore, parents inculcate their children, still at a early age, that matriculated by a university or college is the final destination in their study lives. Thus, driven by their parents and teachers, in fact, the whole society, many students enventually fulfill their dream加s—enter加ing a high school.

All in all, people enter college or universtiy not only for increased knowledge and life experiences, but also to prepare for their future lives.
Mingi 帮我回答过听力问题呢 ：）
第一次写已经很不错了 不过我建议你贴之前先放到word上改一下拼写错误
对于观点我觉得能表达出来就可以了  主要是自己对该怎么表达观点也不清楚 要不怎么上次作文考那么差呢55555
还要注意一些小细节

SammyfeishiUID: 151939

回50楼
12.Many people visit museums when they travel to new places. Why do you think people visit museums? Use your specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


When people travel to new places, many of them want to visit museums. In my point of view, the reasons why people are willing to do so are as follows:我觉得第一段还是要先总括地说一下里有比较保险

First of all, the most attractive aspect of the museums is that people could see many precious collections which are hard to be seen in other places. For example, in the museums people could appreciate paintings, frescos, and sculptures of many famous artists in the world, and they also have the opportunity to see some things which can rarely be seen in private collections, for instance, the remains of some big animals from remote ages which have been preserved in good conditions, such as mammoth, elephants, dinosaurs, and so on.

Another reason why museums have the special appeal to so many visitors is that museums are good places for general people to know the history and characters of a place in a very short time. For most of the travelers, they always have a busy schedule and could not waste too much time and energy just to find a place which has been said to be related with some famous history 用historical好些吧event. So most of them turn to museums for help, compared with the parks, restaurants, theatres and other spots in the place they have visited, museums could embody the primary characters of the places to the largest extent.

Furthermore, some people visit museums for the academic purpose, while others just visit there for fun. Take the in lufugong in Paris for example.我觉得写中国地名用汉语还行国外的应该用英文实在不行就换个地名呗 Thousands of people visit there, some of them spend whole day in it, whose only purpose is to do some research about the arts in the academic fields. However, major people are common visitors who just go there for fun, and some of them have the similar opinion that it is not worthy to have a trip in Pairs, unless they visit lufugong.

To sum up, museums are good places for people traveling in a new place to visit, no matter for what kind of reasons. They could make the new visitors to appreciate the precious collections, and help them know the place better during a short time.

结构挺清晰的 不知道用了多长时间写完呢 真正到考场上写多少字合适阿 我现在半个小时总是不够用