作文互改联盟！

flyappleUID: 154698

76楼的作文：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

今天又超了8分钟，还有离题的感觉，大家看看吧。

I strongly agree with the statement that parents are the best teachers of their children. From my own experience, parents can affect every aspect of children when they live together. On the other hand, other tutors（觉得用的不对，大家有没有好词？）, like teachers in school, can be greatly helped by parents in the process of education.(这一句话有点怪，没看懂什么意思）

No one can deny that parents, especially mothers, are the most intimate persons in the world. Before entering a kindergarten, children almost spend all their time with parents, whose physical and mental characteristics help build up children’s mind. “Like farther, like son.” It is most likely that a brutal farther brings up an aggressive son, while a polite daughter comes from a well-educated family. （这一段是不是想说父母是孩子最亲密的人，和孩子一起时间最久，影响最大呢？我觉得首句的主题句应该换一种陈述方式就会更明确了）

Staying with parents, children can be directed to a decent or maladroit personality. But without parents, children’s growths may certainly be ruined. People grown up in single-parent-families act much different form others. One of my best friends, lost his father at the age 4, have all the characteristics of gentle and politeness, but lack certain features belonging to a man.（感觉这一段是不是和主题的best teacher不太相关呢？)

People may argue that once children leave their homes to school(s), parents become less important in teaching their sons or girls. Actually, this is not true and even misdirecting. Children still spend much time with their parents having meals, watching television, and shopping after school. Parents do not teach their children what is the result of “one adds up two”, but they do show them how to be a decent man or woman. Besides, teachers often get feedback from parents to ensure a good education.(我感觉这一段也是在说和父母在一起的时间很长，会受父母影响比较多，尽管是说在上学后的事情，但是我觉得基本上和第一段类似于一个范畴，可以把这两段和起来说，使之更有说服力一些）

In one word, parents are always the best teacher for children. Whether children are too young to leave for school, or when they study with other children and teachers, they absorb their parents’ personalities directly or indirectly.

flyappleUID: 154698

61楼的作文;

126 do you agree or disagree with the following statement? There is nothing that young people can teach older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

I fundamentally disagree with the statement that there is nothing that young people can teach older people. Indeed, older people have more experiences ranging from living to work than young ones. However, it does not mean that an old man must own much more knowledge that is advanced. (这一段好，fundamentally表达了你的态度，同时让步的陈述显得思维比较缜密）A young person who is diligent and is with full of ambitions can teach a lazy older man a lot.（这句话能不能放在后面得理由段再具体论述呢？）

Admittedly, older people experience more things than the young. Sometimes, age is a reason for authority. We have found that an older one always reads more books, experiences more job interviews, and travels more places, which all broaden his vision and prompt his capacity for competition. By comparison, a young one has relative few such experiences, therefore, when it comes to some difficulties, it is harder for him to deal with them, with the help of his own knowledge. Under such circumstances, young people should learn from older ones, who can be able to assist them to overcome these problems.（这一段是说年轻人可以从老人身上学到什么，尽管写得不错，但是和主题结合不太紧密，应该在有限得文章里充分展开论证，而让步放到开头和结尾会比较保险吧）

However, age is not mere standard when we would make the statement that one should teach another. It is very likely that a young man who has sufficient enthusiasm to learn really master more knowledge than someone who has given up before starting. For example, a work-hard teenager spends whole days studying French, and is able to speak French fluently eventually. While an old person who has told many that he would start learning French very soon does not stick to completing the studying. In that case, can we still claim that there is nothing the young can teach the older? With no consideration of French itself, the spirit of working hard without pausing is worth learning.

In conclusion, we can not define who has the qualification to teach others only by age. Although most of times, older people can tell young ones how to avoid problems that they have met before, it is also possible that an older man should learn from a young one who owns some characters that deserve admiration.
是不是写得太少了

看到最后，我发现你得观点是不是倾向于“年龄得长幼不是决定人们谁应该向谁学习得因素”无论年龄大小都可以相互教学。对这个题目，我一直理解的是年轻人身上有某些因素值得老人学习，而这些东西是老人所没有或者已经丧失的，然后具体陈述年轻人某些可以教老人的东西，以批驳题中的"young have nothing that could teach
the old people.",不知是不是我理解狭隘了，我要再考虑一下这个题目

flyappleUID: 154698

71楼的作文

126.Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? There is nothing that young people can teach older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

Admittedly, old people are sophisticated and have far more experience than the young one. We youth can always learn much from them. However, that is not to say that there is nothing that young people can teach the old. In my opinion, the two generations are in the situation of mutual learning and progressing.

On the one hand, while undertaking numerous difficulties, old people accumulated plenty of knowledge that varies from the abstract understanding about life to the practical solutions to problems in daily routine. Contrasted to the youth, who are immature and naive, old people are often level-headed, modest and generous. Calm and confident when dealing with the brand new problems, unpretentious and decorous when receiving praise from others, considerate and thoughtful when getting along with the younger, that is the old people who deserves respect from our new generations.

On the other hand, although sometimes rash and ill-mannered, the youth are not something without a single redeeming feat at all. There are still lots of merits shining. Firstly, young people have an air of freedom. （好棒的理由）Unlike the elder, we do not eagerly seek for social status, material things or other mean ambitions. It is as if we were some sense of cosmetic beings in violent and lovely contrast with the older suburban creatures. This like of freedom may help the elder jump out of the bound of all kinds of social conventions. （跳出世俗的束缚，很好的论证）Secondly, young people seem never lack of imagination and energy. A good case in point is that if you draw a circle and ask the kids what did you draw; they will give you more than ten, or even hundred different answers, such as sun, ball, or period instead of just only one word: circle, which is probably the same answer you can get from different adults. More often than not, young people possess the wildest imagination and always maintain energetic. We dare to explore the field that no one once touched. Like the Wright brothers realized their vision of powered human flight, the youth always bring the world wonder and surprise.

In conclusion, young people can teach the older a lot of things, such as how to feel free to be oneself as well as how to believe that man has powerful potential to create miracles, while the old people can give lessons like how to act properly toward others and offer helpful information about how to couple with daily problems. All in all, the two generations both have advantages and disadvantages, and for the sake of the development of society, the two should try to communicate with and learn from each other.

你的第二断论证满好的呀，很充分呢，我觉得第二断的论证就够了。看来我的确需要再理解一下这个题目了，大家都是从老人和年轻人可以相互学习展开论证的。

flyappleUID: 154698

91楼的作文：

51. Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

What does success come from? Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances, others, however, think it results from careful planning. In my opinion, success comes from taking risks or chances.
First of all, people can learn much knowledge and improve their abilities during taking risks or chances. In order to deal with the risks, they must get some information and choose appropriate methods to work out of them. If they have no knowledge about them, they must learn; while if they have, they can strengthen them. （指代有些乱了，strengethen what?）As a matter of fact, getting much knowledge and many abilities is going for success.（最好有例证）
Furthermore, people can make some breakthrough if they take risks or chances. Some people may have such experience that they cannot make little further progress in their experiments whatever they do during some time. So some people （换成some of them）may wait even give up（用giving up 吧）. If they take some risks, that is, betray their plans, they probably get some unexpected things. Of course, they may also fail or lose what they have already got（gotten). On the other hand, if they wait, they (would)get nothing.
Admittedly, careful planning is also very important for getting success. There is a proverb:” people who have careful planning can succeed.” Having no plans means not knowing what to do. It is impossible to succeed that people only take risks or chances. If they succeed, it is only a chance. （这句话读起来挺怪的）So people should take risks and chances based on careful planning.
In conclusion, taking risks or chances may result success. At the same time, people should have careful planning before taking risks or chances.

我看了一下两年前我上新东方时的作文笔记，是王令讲的，有两点我记得很清楚，就是论证中一定要有例子，尽管例子可以不是很好的切合题目，另一个是文章的结构比内容更重要。不知道有一些观点现在是不是过时了。

flyappleUID: 154698

呵呵，再贴一篇我的作文吧，望大家狂拍！
1.People attend college or university for many different reasons. Why do you think people attend college or university?

People attend college or university for many different reasons. As far as I am concerned, there are three reasons which might be generally accepted, that is, to broaden the ken and knowledge, to compete in modern society, and to enhance social ability in future life.

First of all, university or college is a good place for people get more knowledge and broaden their kens. Different from high school, the disciplines arranged in colleges or universities are so specific and deep that could help students develop further in their academic fields. And most of the universities or colleges also provide their students advanced facilities, which make studying is a interesting thing. When asked why they would choose the university or college rather than any other place to do their research, some of my friends who are willing to devote themselves in academic fields have acknowledged that the academic atmosphere is the most significant thing that attracts them. “The lectures held in the college help me get more information in the academic fields I interested in, and the scholarship offered by the college could make me avoid disturbance from the material things outside the academic world.”

Another factor that makes people attend the college or the university is the social competition. Although a lot of facts have proven that the degree of a person might not be equal to the personal ability simply, the people with higher degree would have more opportunity than those people with same
levels in other respects. One human resource management of a famous company has claimed in public that in their recruitment, though less important in some positions, degree could have influence on their decisions to a certain extent. Therefore, in order to survive in the modern society with severe competition, more and more people have realized the importance of the degree, whether they want to acknowledge or not. Because of the social competition, some people enter the college and university and are eager for the degrees.

In addition, people could also accumulate social experience and prepare for future life in the college and the university. Some students regard the college or the university as a little society, for  example, they have student union and other organizations to deal with their own affairs. In this sense, university and college provide them such a stage that they could perform more independently than ever before. From that point, people in the university or college could get more chances to enhance their social abilities.

To sum up, university or college would increase people’s academic knowledge, help people win the competition of career in future and enhance their social abilities. Because of these reasons, it is not difficult for us to understand why people attend college or university.

arduousUID: 173151

2 Do you agree of disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

I do not agree with the topic that parents are the best teachers. It is true that parents are the first teachers for every one, yet it does not necessarily follow that parents are able to teach their children well, not to mention being the best teachers of children. The reasons support my point of view are listed as follows.

I admit that parents are the first teachers of children in most cases. And many parents, who are good-natured and make great success in certain fields of their life, have their own advantages. However, the problem is that these parents possibly do not know the efficient way and method to teach their children well. For example, a skillful and excellent pianist not necessarily could teach his/her children well on how to play piano. The same is true in the field of education.

On the other hand, some parents are bad-natured and always bring troubles to others and the whole society. That is, the parents themselves are not able to be a decent person that is useful to the society. Just imagine, some one is put into prison several times for stealing and has willing to give us his/her ‘vocation’. So addicted to theft that he/she can teach his/her children nothing but stealing. In such cases, can you say he/she is a qualified teacher? Let along the best one.

Here comes the question, what make a qualified teacher? In my opinion, the one not only must be knowledgeable and erudite, but also knows how to express the ideas and make students understand him/her easily and accurately. As a matter of fact, I think professional educators just play such important roles. School teachers have acquired sufficient specialized knowledge in the given fields they teach, and they also master the skill on how to communicate with educates and know what they think and feel and what is the most efficient method to help students absorb knowledge quickly and deeply. With all the above advantages, can you find other people who are better than professional educators in teaching students?

All in all, I admit that parents are almost the first teachers of children, yet it is not necessary that they are the best ones.
5[/SIZE]

michelle-jiaUID: 150235

96楼的

.People attend college or university for many different reasons. Why do you think people attend college or university?

People attend college or university for many different reasons. As far as I am concerned, there are three reasons which might be generally accepted, that is, to broaden the ken and knowledge, to compete in modern society, and to enhance social ability in future life.

First of all, university or college is a good place for people (是否加to) get more knowledge and broaden their kens. Different from high school, the disciplines arranged in colleges or universities are so specific and deep that could help students develop further in their academic fields. And most of the universities or colleges also provide their students advanced facilities, which make studying(study) is a(去掉is,--an） interesting thing. When asked why they would choose the university or college rather than any other place（places) to do their research, some of my friends who are willing to devote themselves in academic fields have acknowledged （不需要现在完成时吧）that the academic atmosphere is the most significant thing that attracts them. “The lectures held in the college help me get more information in the academic fields I(am) interested in, and the scholarship offered by the college could make me avoid disturbance from the material things outside the academic world.”

Another factor that makes people attend the college or the university is the social competition. Although a lot of facts have proven that the degree of a person might not be equal to the personal ability simply, the people with higher degree would have more opportunity (opportunities) than those people with same levels in other respects. One human resource management (manager)of a famous company has claimed in public that in their recruitment, though less important in some positions, degree (想表达什么意思，学历吗)could have influence on their decisions to a certain extent. Therefore, in order to survive in the modern society with severe competition, more and more people have realized the importance of the degree, whether they want to acknowledge or not. Because of the social competition, some people enter the college and(or) university and are eager for the degrees. (some people attending college or university are eager for the degrees.)

In addition, people could also accumulate social experience and prepare for future life in the college and the university. Some students regard the college or the university as a little society, for example, they have student union and other organizations to deal with their own affairs. In this sense, university and college provide them such a stage that they could perform more independently than ever before. From that point, people in the university or college could get more chances to enhance their social abilities.

To sum up, university or college would increase people’s academic knowledge, help people win the competition of career in future and enhance their social abilities. Because of these reasons, it is not difficult for us to understand why people attend college or university.


Flyapple你真热心啊，帮这么多人改作文，向你学习！
感觉你的作文结构挺清楚，一些常见语法错误有些，句式有点单调（跟我一样，经常用could,would这类词）。呵呵，其实这些毛病我也有，更可气的式我得结构还扯不清，互相学习哦

genie05UID: 30358

96楼的谢谢你热心，作文明天给你贴上来~

loreleiUID: 156467

最初由 mingi 发布
[B]8. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to ..

以下省略...... [/B]

8. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

一天比一天字数少，今天比第一天少了100字。就算是适应趋势吧。不过总算控制住了时间，提前7分钟写完。欢迎拍。

Nowadays, various television programs have produced many sofa-potatoes. But as far as I am concerned, television does not ruin communication among family and friends.

In my family, golden-time（中国人都知道你要表达是什么意思，但是好像美国人的说法不是这样说的） program is the best reason for a short get-together. My parents are tightly occupied by their business, and have no spare time to enjoy an intra-family communication(communication作为通信，联络讲不可数) in the day time. When we sit together in front of the television, we comment on the performance of actors, guess what will happen next, （and）that is the most harmonious and happiest  communication for me.

Television may also dissolve(resolve吧？) confronts among my family members. Believe it or not, no matter how hostile we feel with each other, we will all come out from our own rooms to attend a certain program on time. Then, we begin to chat and laugh together. It seems that nothing unhappy has ever existed before. What a magic power of the television!

Admittedly, television does occupy some spare time, when we can pay a visit to friends, and （it）affect the relationship between friends to some extend. However, it can(移到not前面) definitely not destroy friendship. Personally speaking, when I want to see a friend, no TV program, no matter how exciting it is, can hold my step. Besides, when there are conflicts between two friends, television offers a good reason to calm down.

As a conclusion, although television derives some time from our personal lives, it may not seriously affect relationship among family or friends.（这个although连接的关系我觉得不是很make sense）I believe, in certain cases, TV program establishes a bridge among confronting people.
偶水平有限，难免有错误。偶觉得这篇文章没有作者其他的几篇写的好，有些地方表达不是很清楚。只是个人意见，希望大家多多交流，请也帮我多改改文章^-^

loreleiUID: 156467

genie05谢谢你为我详细，细心的修改，让我受益多多。
有一个问题想麻烦你帮我回答一下：
Since we were little kids, we were told to look up[这里的LOOK UP你要表达什么意思] people who graduate from places such as Harvard, Yale, and Cambridge.我想说得大概是'仰慕"这个意思，即小孩子从小被教导要去仰慕这些名校的毕业生们（汗|||自己中文也有问题），请问应该怎么表达？

天地一沙鸥UID: 170796

请教谁知道诺贝尔提名要怎么翻译呢
还有谁知道最近两次作文题目是什么呀，
请各位高人指点，在此不胜感激

mingiUID: 152314

I admit that parents are the first teachers of children in most cases. And many parents, who are good-natured and make great success in certain fields of their life, have their own advantages. However, the problem is that these parents possibly do not know the efficient way and method to teach their children well. For example, a skillful and excellent pianist not necessarily could teach his/her children well on how to play piano. The same is true in the field of education.(最后一句显得突冗了)

On the other hand, some parents are bad-natured and always bring troubles to others and the whole society. That is, the parents themselves are not able to be a decent person that is useful to the society.(这句的数有些不一致) Just imagine, some one is(being) put into prison several times for stealing and has willing to give us his/her ‘vocation’(so)  addicted to theft that he/she can teach his/her children nothing but stealing.(前面两句应该是在一起的吧) In such cases, can you say he/she is a qualified teacher? Let along the best one.

Here comes the question, what make a qualified teacher? In my opinion, the one not only must be knowledgeable and erudite, but also knows how to express the ideas and make students understand him/her easily and accurately. As a matter of fact, I think professional educators just play such important roles. School teachers have acquired sufficient specialized knowledge in the given fields they teach, and they also master the skill on how to communicate with educates and know what they think and feel and what is the most efficient method to help students absorb knowledge quickly and deeply. With all the above advantages, can you find other people who are better than professional educators in teaching students?

All in all, I admit that parents are almost the first teachers of children, yet it is not necessary that they are the best ones.
5

文章脉路清晰，让我知道自己跑题了：(

mingiUID: 152314

最初由 flyapple 发布
[B]76楼的作文：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

..

以下省略...... [/B]

THX flyapple:

这篇贴出来就知道离题了，我就老觉得没话讲，胡诌了一通。所以思维很混乱的：(

对于年长向青年人学习的题目，我支持你的论点，不用说两者之前的相互学习，那样甚至有跑题的嫌疑。

mingiUID: 152314

最初由 lorelei 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 mingi 发布
[B]8. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. U..

以下省略...... [/B]

thx lorelei，可怜我还觉得这篇写得最满意呢。
不过，can+defenitely+not+do应该没错吧，是助动词+副词+动词这种顺序啊。

flyappleUID: 154698

最初由 michelle-jia 发布
[B]96楼的

.People attend college or university for many different reasons. Why do you think people attend college or university?

People attend college or uni..

以下省略...... [/B]

谢谢你的修改。我也意识到我老爱用could,would的词了，这可能是我一味追求一种语气造成的，我下回一定注意。呵呵。
还有，我想问一下，学历应该怎么讲啊？我不知道怎么说就用degree表达了。