作文互改联盟！

flyappleUID: 154698

最初由 mingi 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 flyapple 发布
[B]76楼的作文：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons ..

以下省略...... [/B]

你那个父母是孩子最好的老师那篇，并没有跑题，只是有一个观点和文章主题不太紧密，换一下就好了。
我得思路是大致这样的：
parents are the best teacher of the children:
first of all, parents have greater and directer influence on their kids.
secondly, different from family, there are too many children in shcools, teachers cannot distribute enough energy to each child, even if they are willing to do so.
in addition, many children would like to communicate with their parents more than any other people.
To sum up, parents are the best teacher of the children. (总结上面三个理由） In order to go futher, parents should pay  attention to thier words and behaviors before their kids, and avoid negative influence on their children to the lagrest extent.

我把我得理由写出来，咋感觉也有些说理不够服人呢，真郁闷。希望大家贴一下自己的观点吧

mingiUID: 152314

flyapple:你是赞成论点么？
我之所以认为自己跑题，是因为我写成“父母能够成为最好的老师，因为他们和孩子交往最亲密”。你的论点好像跟我差不多，不大好。
写反对好像好写一点，可以看看上页的一篇文章。
1 父母有好有坏，坏父母不能成为孩子最好的老师
2 好父母也有不会教的
3 最好的老师可能是其他人

SammyfeishiUID: 151939

1.People attend college or university for many different reasons. Why do you think people attend college or university?

People attend college or university for many different reasons. As far as I am concerned, there are three reasons which might be generally accepted, that is, to broaden the ken and knowledge, to compete in modern society, and to enhance social ability in future life.

First of all, university or college is a good place for people (加上to) get more knowledge and (to) broaden their kens. Different from high school, the disciplines arranged in colleges or universities are so specific and deep that could help students develop further in their academic fields. And most of the universities or colleges also provide their students advanced facilities, which make studying is a (an) interesting thing. When asked why they would choose the university or college rather than any other place to do their research, some of my friends who are willing to devote themselves in (devote 应该和to搭配吧)academic fields have acknowledged that the academic atmosphere is the most significant thing that attracts them. “The lectures held in the college help me get more information in the academic fields I interested in, and the scholarship offered by the college could make me avoid disturbance from the material things outside the academic world.”

Another factor that makes people attend the college or the university is the social competition. Although a lot of facts have proven that the degree of a person might not be equal to the personal ability simply, the people with higher degree would have more opportunity than those people with same
levels in other respects. One human resource management（是说人力资源经理吗 用manager） of a famous company has claimed in public that in their recruitment, though less important in some positions, degree(用复数 我觉得用certifications 文凭也行) could have influence on their decisions to a certain extent. Therefore, in order to survive in the modern society with severe competition, more and more people have realized the importance of the degree, whether they want to acknowledge or not. Because of the social competition, some people enter the college and university and are eager for the degrees.我想到了一个句子and are busily engaged in seeking
for certifications.

In addition, people could also accumulate social experience and prepare for future life in the college and the university. Some students regard the college or the university as a little society, for example, they have student union( 加上s)and other organizations to deal with their own affairs. In this sense, university and college provide them (加上with)such a stage that they could perform more independently than ever before. 我喜欢这句话From that point, people in the university or college could get more chances to enhance their social abilities.

To sum up, university or college would increase people’s academic knowledge, help people win the competition of career in future and enhance their social abilities. Because of these reasons, it is not difficult for us to understand why people attend college or university.
思路听清晰的 就是有些小的语法错误 还有词汇的变换 because of  可以用due to  代替
acknowledge 也可以用realize admit 代替

SammyfeishiUID: 151939

154 do you agree or disagree with the following statement? one should never judge a person by external appearances

Should one never judge a person by external appearances?         In my point of view, the statement is only partially accurate. Judging a person requires not only external appearances, but also internal characters. Any decision based merely on one part is unilateral.

For one thing, external appearances do reflect some characters of a person, like one’s occupation, manners, and so on. First of all, it is easy to tell a man’s career ,according to his or her dressing. Doctors wear white coats when they are diagnosing; policemen have their own particular uniforms when executing tasks, and students are asked to put on similar clothes during school time. Therefore, dressing, as part of external appearances, can show people’s status to some extent. In addition, external appearances can cause the first impression of human’s manner. Gestures in the course of talking, the degree of using sufficient and vivid words in a speech, and even whether a man’s suit is clean and neat are all mirrors of manners. From this angle, we can safely make a conclusion that good external appearances signify well-educated level and comprehensive quality.

For another, we have to recognize that internal characters play a significant role in judging people, to be exactly, are of more importance. As is often so pointed out, some attributes of people can only be exposed after a comparatively long time. Take the character of honesty for instance, it is almost impossible to judge at the first sight.. Only experiencing a long –run observation can one clarify the nature of honesty. Perhaps a person made an illusion of being reliable when he or she just enter a company, however, he was accused of abusing company’s capital and moving some into his own account later. From this sited story, a statement has been made that internal characters serve better when we wish to know the nature of people.

To sum up, how to judge a person justifiably depends on both external appearances and internal characters. The latter ones are essentially more accurate.

呵呵 刚从家里回到学校 所以有几天没来  这篇文章倒时恰时间写的 感觉特别乱 现在大家看到的是我改了的 基本上面目全非了 原稿实在是拿不出手

michelle-jiaUID: 150235

还有10天了，大家打算怎么复习作文啊？题库中那么多提，怎么选择练哪几片啊，有最低数量限制么，真着急啊我得作文老进不了状态

lxhstcUID: 171155

那里可以找到托付的作文题库哦,

没关系UID: 170978

135:Some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms.Other high schools permit students to decide what to wear to school.which.....?
真是不好意思拿出自己的作文...写了1个小时,还写成这样...开头实在不知道怎么写才比较有气势...希望大家指教....

Requiring all students to wear school uniforms may have a better outcome than permitting students to decide what to wear in school management .
     Many people regard wearing casaul clothes as a human right,which simoutaneously is a chance to show one's characteristics,favors,ideas,sometimes even belief.If you have,at least once,walked through a campus,you can certainlu find out students wearing diverse clothes.It is commonly admitted that traits of a person can be reflected from his clothes.Clothing,secondary to one's apperance,seems to be an essantial right.Therefore,comes the attitude to permitting to wear cacaul clothes.
     However,more things should be counted into consideration when concerned with high schools.Students studying there are between 14 to 17.Obviously,that is an age usually called"grown-up"period. Few students are mature enough to make their decisions rationally. In  other words,the odds,that the young wear inappropriate clother to school is unquestionably high.I had tried to wear a scarf to school once,but finally stopped by my perants,because it was in summer!For such immature personalities,high school students should be required to wear uniforms.
    Another crucial factor behind this requirement is its effection and efficiency of eliminating inequality in high schools.It goes without saying that all students wearing homogeneous uniforms will form a equal study enviroment.No bias can rise.Poors don't have to worry about their clothes,girls don't need to anxious about the clothing for tomorrow,boys could no longer put aside all their money for a pair of expensive shoes.Meanwhile,if will save lots of money,which otherwise could be spent on shopping clothes.
    All in all,to creat a equal enviroment for study,to evoke a unbias concept in students' rutine life as well as to save money for a better use,requiring all students to wear school uniform may be the best choice.

thinkerUID: 161724

148.Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing games teaches us about life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Why do people play games? Some people think the purpose of playing games is just to get pleasure. Others, however, argue that playing games teaches us about life. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter.

First of all, we can realize that cooperation is very important in our life from playing games. As a matter of fact, most games need more than one person to play. We must learn how to cooperate well during playing games when several persons play together. It is common that we often communicate with each other during playing games and even stop to talk to each other sometimes. So we can cooperate well in games and than win the games. Today, cooperation is very important, and we must cooperate in many cases just like in playing games.

In addition, we can get to know about the life itself from playing games. Almost all people who play games may have the experience on failure. If we can win every time in some kinds of games, we may not play them any more. Just because we cannot win, we want to do better, which is the reason that we always pay much time on playing game if we want to do well in games. Life is like this, we must learn from our failure and work well.

Last not the least, we can get some knowledge about our life through playing games. There are different kinds of games, some of which are for adult, and some of which are for children. If children play games about adults, they may learn about some information or knowledge on adults, and then they may understand their parents better. While adults do as the same as the above, they may get something on how to teach their children. So adults and children can communicate better each other.

From what has been discussed above, we can safely draw a conclusion that we can learn about life from playing games, not only because we know the importance of cooperation but also because we realize the meaning of life itself and get some knowledge about our life.

flyappleUID: 154698

最初由 Sammyfeishi 发布
[B]154 do you agree or disagree with the following statement? one should never judge a person by external appearances

Should one never judge a person by externa..

以下省略...... [/B]

你的作文写的真好。尤其喜欢你展开论述的第一段。
但是我一直有一个疑问，我在2000年上新东方时，那里的老师说twe里不可以出现模棱两可的观点，要旗帜鲜明的表达自己的观点。不知道这种既要依赖于a又要依赖于b的观点算不算摸棱两可。可是我觉得象很多topic中有诸如never, nothing之类的限定词，因此只同意某一方的说法又的确很没有说服力。不知道大家遇到这个问题是怎么解决的，如果两边都肯定的话，会不会让ets觉得你观点不鲜明啊？实在很困惑，请教大家。

flyappleUID: 154698

113楼的作文：

135:Some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms.Other high schools permit students to decide what to wear to school.which.....?
真是不好意思拿出自己的作文...写了1个小时,还写成这样...开头实在不知道怎么写才比较有气势...希望大家指教....

Requiring all students to wear school uniforms may have a better outcome than permitting students to decide what to wear in school management .
Many people regard wearing casaul clothes as a human right,which simoutaneously is a chance to show one's characteristics,favors,ideas,sometimes even belief.If you have,at least once,walked through a campus,you can certainlu find out students wearing diverse clothes.It is commonly admitted that traits of a person can be reflected from his clothes.Clothing,secondary to one's apperance,seems to be an essantial right.Therefore,comes the attitude to permitting to wear cacaul clothes.
However,more things should be counted into consideration when concerned with high schools.Students studying there are between 14 to 17.Obviously,that is an age （把age换成stage可好？）usually called"grown-up"period. Few students are mature enough to make their decisions rationally. In other words,the odds,that the young wear inappropriate clother to school is unquestionably high.（这句话我不太看懂）I had （不必用had）tried to wear a scarf to school once,but finally stopped by my perants,because it was in summer!For such immature personalities,high school students should be required to wear uniforms.
Another crucial factor behind this requirement is its effection and efficiency of eliminating inequality in high schools.（这个理由好）It goes without saying （这句话什么意思呢？）that all students wearing homogeneous uniforms will form a （an）equal study enviroment.No bias can rise.Poors don't have to worry about their clothes,girls don't need to anxious about the clothing for tomorrow,boys could no longer put aside all their money for a pair of expensive shoes.Meanwhile,if will save lots of money,which otherwise could be spent on shopping clothes.（这句话是不是没写完啊？）
All in all,to creat a equal enviroment for study,to evoke a unbias concept in students' rutine life as well as to save money for a better use,requiring all students to wear school uniform may be the best choice.


“装制服为学生提供了一个更为平等的环境”的确是一个很好的论据。

flyappleUID: 154698

114楼的作文：

148.Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing games teaches us about life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Why do people play games? Some people think the purpose of playing games is just to get pleasure. Others, however, argue that playing games teaches us about life. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter.

First of all, we can realize that cooperation is very important in our life from playing games. As a matter of fact, most games need more than one person to play. We must learn how to cooperate well during playing games when several persons play together. It is common that we often communicate with each other during playing games and even stop to talk to each other sometimes. So we can cooperate well in games and than win the games. Today, cooperation is very important, and we must cooperate in many cases just like in playing games.

In addition, we can get to know about the life itself from playing games. Almost all people who play games may have the experience on failure. If we can win every time in some kinds of games, we may not play them any more. Just because we cannot win, we want to do better, which is the reason that （why）we always pay much time on playing game if we want to do well in games. Life is like this, we must learn from our failure and work well.（从游戏的失败中体会人生！很好的理由）

Last not the least, we can get some knowledge about our life through playing games. There are different kinds of games, some of which are for adult（adults）and some of which are for children. If children play games about adults, they may learn about some information or knowledge on adults, and then they may understand their parents better. While adults do as the （the可以去掉吧）same as the above, they may get something on how to teach their children. So adults and children can communicate better (with)each other.

From what has been discussed above, we can safely draw a conclusion that we can learn about life from playing games, not only because we know the importance of cooperation but also because we realize the meaning of life itself and get some knowledge about our life.

我觉得每一段的论证中要是有一些例子就会更生动一些了。

flyappleUID: 154698

我的一篇，请指教。
126 do you agree or disagree with the following statement? There is nothing that young people can teach older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

Some people hold the opinion that young people could learn a lot of things from the old people, but there is nothing that they can teach the old. As far as I concerned, such point of views is very partial, and has neglected the unique qualities of the young people. In my opinion, young people could teach the elder people. The reasons to support my argument go as follows:

First of all, young people could adopt new things more quickly than the elder one. Young people are always eager for a life full of changes and challenges, so they could accept the new things faster. Different from the young, the elder people prefer a life with a peaceful and calm atmosphere. And they often hold a critical attitude toward the new things that have never existed before, even if such things symbolize the development and could make their lives more convenient. My friend, a teller in a bank, once told me that many old people line there for a long time just waiting for doing such simple businesses as drawing or depositing money in their accounts. However, they could finish these businesses easily in the 24 hour self-service banking within several minutes. She said that most of the old people do not know how to use the modern machine like ATM, and some of they also refuse to learn how to do so.

Secondly, young people always have more intensive desire for the air of freedom, which make them break out the bound of social convention. Old people like the traditional life style that handed down from their elder generation. Complying with the traditional way might make life easy, but sometimes it is the tradition that prevents our society from developing. However, older people do not want, sometimes may not dare to, break out the conventionality, for most of them lack the quality of originality always bared by young people. In the recent history of China, many social movements were launched by the students and young people, and most of those led to the innovations of the country.

In addition, young people always have more passions and energy than the elder people. The old people had the same passions and energy when they were young, however with the increasing of the age, their energy declined and some ambitions and passions disappeared. Although we cannot require an old man as vigorous as a young one, the old people could still learn from the young people and keep the energetic condition in their spirit.

All in all, young people may be not as experienced as the old people in some aspects, but there are still lots of things that worth the old people learn from.

mingiUID: 152314

写得真好，个人觉得有两个小问题：
Gestures in the course of talking, the degree of using sufficient and vivid words in a speech, and even whether a man’s suit is clean and neat are all mirrors of manners.最后这个manners好像不大对，前面说的都是manner而不是mirrors of manner吧？
sited story？是什么意思啊？难道是cited story?

我也是觉得观点应该“绝对化”一些，不过这题好像单写赞成或反对都不好讲。还有很多这样的题，真是不知道怎么办才好。。。。。。。。。。。

mingiUID: 152314

Requiring all students to wear school uniforms may have a better outcome than permitting students to decide what to wear in school management.

Many people regard wearing casaul clothes as a human right, which simoutaneously (这个词用在这里想表达什么意思？而且放的位置不大好) is a chance to show one's characteristics, favors, ideas, sometimes even belief. If you have, at least once, walked through a campus, you can certainlu find out students wearing diverse clothes. It is commonly admitted that traits of a person can be reflected from his clothes. Clothing, secondary to one's apperance, seems to be an essantial right. Therefore, (there) comes the attitude to (of) permitting to wear cacaul clothes.

However, more things should be counted into consideration when concerned with high schools. Students studying there are between 14 to 17.Obviously, that is an age usually called "grown-up" period. Few students are mature enough to make their decisions rationally. In other words, the odds(,) that the young wear inappropriate clother to school is unquestionably high. I had tried to wear a scarf to school once, but finally stopped by my perants, because it was in summer!(这个例子真有趣，但不合适，说说叛逆型的，上课让男同学走神的服装好一点) For such immature personalities, high school students should be required to wear uniforms.

Another crucial factor behind this requirement is its effection and efficiency of eliminating inequality in high schools. It goes without saying that all students wearing homogeneous uniforms will form a (an) equal (这个equal感觉很怪，但是，我也找不出什么好词) study enviroment. No bias can (would) rise. Poors (The poor) don't have to worry about their clothes, girls don't need to anxious about the clothing for tomorrow, boys could no longer put aside all their money for a pair of expensive shoes. Meanwhile, if (it) will save lots of money, which otherwise could be spent on shopping clothes.

All in all, to creat a (an) equal enviroment for study, to evoke a (an) unbias (unbiased) concept in students' rutine life as well as to save money for a better use, requiring all students to wear school uniform may be the best choice. (总括的时候，要把前文的观点阐述一遍，你这里没有第二段内容。)

拼写错误不少，贴到WORD里好好查一下吧。标点后要空一格
我很欣赏第一段，很巧妙的把反面观点融入主题了。要学习学习，我老是想只写单一观点，另一方不知道怎样写才好。

没关系UID: 170978

谢谢flyapple和mingi~~~
it goes without saying就是中文:"不用说...."...
呵呵~~本来是想举有些女生穿的过少做例子的...可是不知道怎么表达....so,放弃了...

谢谢你们的帮助!让我发现我在很多细节都有错误,而且总是为了加上一两个难词硬是把他们加到句子里...我还总是爱写又臭又长结构不明确的句子....呵呵~~我要努力改进.
谢谢你们~